I absolutely agree with everything you said, Ben. I've been in many of these situations and there is no changing these people. You have to leave and look for something that fits you better. The more goals you have and the more you know what you don't want it narrows down the field so you know what to look for in the next job/company. Too many stay and put up with it to the detriment of their own mental and physical health.
Hi Benjamin, your explanations today are so affirmative directly stating what my experience has lately been showing me: It was the right decision to leave the toxic environment at work and retire as soon as possible. Other words of yours remind me of my childhood, but that's another story. Dir wünsche ich weiterhin einen angenehmen Totensonntag!🌈🌞😊
Hi Benjamin! So many people don't know how to look inward or self-soothe and thus automatically "regulate" via the people around them. Especially in close relationships or in the workplace this can lead to massive emotional burdens and also a decline in productivity. And it can be extremely difficult or even impossible to come to a constructive level or agreement with these kinds of personalities. The better we know our worth, values and goals, the easier it is to navigate difficult decisions.
Well said, I hope those in such environments find a way to change whatever creates a toxic environment for them, be it at work, in their family or with odd friends. As a sidenote: Much of what you said regarding "hiding their own incompetence through creating chaos" reminds me of the current UK governments, at least since BoJoke took office.
This video is a reason I have followed you for several years. I especially appreciate the point made by your good example of how one person's toxic environment is tasty soup and fuel for another person. BTW- I really appreciate having a name to identify with this great channel. I am looking forward to spending many years with a good and wise friend.
I came across the work of Robert Hare, a Canadian psychologist who studied psychopathy decades ago and it was shocking to read his accounts. I remember there were videos on YT that helped me understand how many times I have had to do with them (and not only in the work place). Although it has been so tough, it has taught me incredible skills on how to detect them and to back out when I 'smell' them. Before Dr. Hare's work was talked about it was not something that would be considered 'real' if I would mention it, so I left many places. Videos like yours validate others and encourage them to step out as these people are so clever that you need too much energy to catch them out. Anyways, thanks for sharing all your wonderful insights! ;-)
About this topic my current life has several chapters to explore. Toxic people & environments are our life's challenges. I currently live in a toxic country. What makes me stay? Character? Loyalty? Survival? Wish it was ❤ Thank you Benjamin - as always highly introspective content!
When the parameters are changing a lot, as you described it, I would find my self another job. Or as I did with my life, I changed my surroundings if they don't longer suited me.
I totalny agree. Some people are strong and self-motivated and achieve their goals without doubts. I am opposite. Sensitive, easy to manipulate and easy to obstruct and let down, attracting people, who don’t respect my boundaries. First step to change it is to know yourself and work on yourself.
Fighting a toxic environment is such a struggle. I wish I had had your valuable advice during that period. But, as you said, to figure out what really matters in our life, what we really want to achieve, is a never ending process. It is frustrating to see how things went downhill for GB since 2016, how ambitious politicians create havoc and destruction. It needs a lot of optimism/work not to give up. So congratulations for yours efforts to help. Eine angenehme Adventszeit, tief durchatmen, möglichst ohne den Trubel der Weihnachtsmärkte. Es gibt bestimmt irgendwo das „Weihnachtsoratorium“ von Bach, oder Händels „Messias“. Always uplifting and soothing.
Yep, toxicity does tend to affect us in different ways. Some people (Arnold) it drives to fight, some people, it drives to flight, and some people (me) it drives to freeze. The sad thing is, knowing exactly what such an environment feels like, and yet, ending up in one over and over again, and tolerating it over and over again.
im truly sorry to hear that, i had very similar experiences. please have faith. i highly recommend the following books "Children of The Self Absorbed" by Nina Brown, "Leaving Home" by David P.Celani and "The Betrayal Bond" by Patrick J Carnes. I hope you will pull yourself out and know that you are not alone
Thanks again for your video! We are learning now fast, even though not many do realise this is what is happening. Within the next months we are going to change so much because we are understanding much better what we REALLY want which is the key to everything in life. So thank you for your perspective🙏
I guess much of the same could be said about relationships such as marriage. You have to know what you want before you commit, and if you only find out after a while, and it becomes hard to reconcile, getting out of it is often a quagmire. I think the financial aspects of giving up a job, getting out of a marriage contract keeps people in a place that makes them miserable. How much of a social network one has as support, makes the difference.
Yes the need for financial stability and the fear of social ridicule is the thing that makes these decisions so hard. There are definitely ways to make the transition a lot easier…for one thing having a decent amount of savings or as you say a good support network.
I agree. But I'm not sure if others really "thrive" in toxicity.... perhaps it's just our perception they do because what is being " dished-out " is less toxic than what is being dished out on others. Toxicity ALWAYS means someone is targeted... it's what the sociopath does. Even non-targeted by-standers in the workplace may seem to thrive but in fact are hiding distress and are thinking " thank God, it's not me ". Toxicity puts people into suboptimal behaviors and therefore creates inferior workplace results. The ONLY answer is GET OUT asap. Personally, I've never been kidnapped or been a prisoner BUT having left a toxic workplace myself was what I imagine being freed from a life sentence in prison is like... and I'm not being sensational. The aftermath of the experience can resonate the rest of your life. Yes, i agree... it should never, ever, ever be tolerated.
Glad you got out in time. I do think that some people thrive in toxic situations. I don't know if you've seen house of cards (the netflix series) but I would say this is a prime example of that.
I'll checkout House of Cards....but if they thrive they're in alliance with the sociopath n'est pas ? Meaning they're AT MINIMUM non-aligned with core values, underhandedly operating; they're not your friend..... it's what loyalists to the sociopath do. And I would ponder "how far" that loyalty really gets them... Karma has it's way. In Canada, only two of 13 federated jurisdictions have laws against workplace harassment and bullying. In these times, it's every man for himself in a toxic workplace and we either maladapt or thoroughly document in preparation to leave when legal steps are necessary.
Hello Ben and thank you for that video. It's always interesting to see you finding a new or at least different angle to look at things or situations. BTW, I would like to point you to the YT channel of Ruairidh McVeigh. He's made a couple of videos about the history of some British companies and industries. It's always interesting to see the effects of technical, economic and political developments but also of personal interests of significant actors of such an arena on businesses and livelihoods. For the same reason I've found the biographies of Steve Jobs, Thomas J.Watson (founder of IBM), Wernher von Braun (rocket engineer in Nazi Germany who became a significant contributor to NASA's Apollo program), Dave Allen (co-founder of Microsoft), Robert Oppenheimer (haven't seen the film yet, but read the excelent biography on which the film is based) and a couple more of that kind so interesting.
Hi Michael. Thanks a lot. I also found the founders (Paypal) a fascinating read as it follows some key individuals who are still very relevant today - like Elon musk and Peter Thiel.👍
Oh man , Iam still confused but now on a higher level , so much things nowadays are spelled as toxic..masculinity , relationsships , jobs etc. and now environment..where will this all end?
good to know i really hope you managed to find a better place to work at already i will have to look up the videos i missed in the next days to be up to date but i started to feel a lil worried when i didnt saw you posting your sunday video over the last few days
