Why is it just her job? It's not easy to prepare a feast. If the family or you choose to have a feast, it's everyone's jobs. Most of the husbands out there are useless, so you can stop whinning. She may not be the fastest and best cook, but she has other talents. Looks like someone is looking to find faults to justify cheating. How shameful.
It is NOT your wife’s fault, 50% of the time is your fault also. A responsible husband, would go shopping together with his niam tsev couple days before an event. Instead complaining, are you giving her a helping hand?!
Either way women never do enough for the men. The men never satisfy wit there wife. Tau tu poj niam paub tab los hais tias tsis zoo, tau tus tsis paub tab los haj yam tsis zoo. Txiv neej ces yeej ua tsis haum li. Ua tsaug .
Its the way she was raised. Her parents must not have to do anything around the house. I've seen women like that everywhere lately. Its this generation nowadays.
To the husband of this story, stop cheating on your wife even though she is bad at being a niam tsev but that doesn't give you the right to cheat on her. If you really don't care about her anymore divorce her first then go marry or talk to other woman. If all those years she can't change herself she will never so if you done with her leave.
My father in law had three wives and all my mils are like this, too. As another woman, their wifey/mothers roles annoyed me sometimes, too. But, we can only change ourselves for the better if we want. Gossiping, forcing and or training someone who is unwilling to change wouldnt help . I also hope our Hmong men/brothers/husbands who came to listen to this story would also understand how most of the Hmong women feel about their useless Hmong husbands too. Lol. This goes both way. A strong relationship needs both partners' helping hands & support.
This is why they always say that when a boy becomes fully mature/ a grown man, he will know what he really wants in a niam tsev. Too many Hmong people get married at a young age without knowing and understanding the full responsibility of becoming parents, married couples, a niam tsev and txiv tsev. I know a few women who are like this. Being a niam tsev is really not their specialty. It really takes a special someone to accept them for who they are. Whatever you plan to do next, just make sure you are able to sleep at night and be at peace with yourself. Some things can't be changed or fixed. Good luck.
This is the expectation of a hmoob meska Niam tsev. It’s 2024! I don’t understand the need to have parties and feed a village. Ua lo ua mev2 rau yus tsev neeg xwb. Don’t need to throw a big feast for face!
If she was a good mother, raised your children to be good responsible adults, and kept your house clean and pay the bills for the last 30 years then she is a good wife. The Hmong community and guests come second. You complained about her not knowing how to please outsiders mostly in your story after being with her for 30 years & kids are grown & married off, then it's just an excuse to cheat & get second wife!
You worry too much about what people say or think of you. Just be glad that you are healthy, have a wife, kids and a place to call home. Life will be so much easier for you.
I agree with you tus brother...yuav tau poj niam tau txiv tsis tej lim li no mas txog nyias es nyias thiaj paub xwb....tsis yog luag rau yus khau ces luag tsis paub li os .koj hais me los paub ntau
Mid-life crisis is what I see this man going thru. He’s at an age where he’s not happy with his life so he’s using his wife as an excuse to have affairs. Also we Hmong people don’t accept that not everyone is 100% mentally. The wife mite be mild autistic but he doesn’t help. I recommend this man read more about autism.
It’s your fault not her because my husband always go shopping with me and we wrote down list all things that we needed and when it’s time we put things on places that reach easy
Thaub aw........kuv mloog koj zaj lus no nas qhov koj tus poj niam ua tsis taus niam tsev khov kho li luag lwm tus poj niam no mas nws tsis yog tim koj poj niam ua tsis tau niam tsev nawb. Nws yog koj twb tsis fwm tsis K txog nws li ne qhov twg qhov twg los koj tsuas mus qhuas luag tej poj niam zoo xwb ne. Hos nws ces koj twb ib txwm tsis pom nws zoo koj yeej muab nws piv rau luag lwm tus poj niam nkaus nkaus xwb li ces txawm yog leej twg los yog tau tus txiv es coj li koj coj ces yeej tsuas ua tau li nws ua ntawv xwb thiab os nawb. Luag tej poj niam tos lub coob npe ua taus niam tsev ho nrov nrov rau koj hnov thiab koj pom es koj ntshaw ntshaw ntawv los lawv yeej tsuas ua tau ib yam li koj poj niam ua xwb thiab nas. Tab sis luag tau tus txiv fwm luag ces luag tus txiv qhuas luag tsis muab luag cem luag thuam li koj thuam koj xwb nas. Luag tus txiv hais lus txhawb luag lub zog ces luag lub koob npe zoo ua taus niam tsev cia li nrov nrov lawm xwb os thaub. Koj hais tias yog tim koj poj niam cia koj muab nrauj kiag es ho mus yuav dua ib tug txiv tshiab es kom coj txawv koj mev nws txawj txawj ua niam tsev khov kho tuaj lawm tiag.
You're a cheater just trying to justify your cheating. Your wife doesn't deserves you to cheat on her like that. What if she cheat on you cuz you can't be satisfied her in the bedroom, do you feel? A cheater always use an excuse or blame it on his/her spouse for his/her wrong doing.
Tus txiv es koj txawj tu siab li ko es ua li ntawd peb ib feem niam tsev hmoob nyob mekas teb no puas txaus lawv chim siab thiab ib feem txiv tsev hmoob nyob mekas teb no mas yog muaj ib pluag noj mas cov txiv neej hmoob nyob mekas teb no haus beer tas mav xwb ib qhov abtsis g pab es cia tus niam tsev ua tagnro txhua yam es puas chim lawv thiab pojniam hmoob nyob mekas teb no hais g tau qhia 6 leejtwg tu siab tshaj plaws li
As a husband, when you say you have been teaching her to be a niam tsev. Do you demonstrate and work together with her as a team? Also, maybe she is a hand on person, and when guiding her, you should be going to the store with her to buy and prep. You can't just keep reminding and demanding her without being by her side. Some people are baby steps where you have to hold their hand and slowly walk them through until you let go, but still has to be their shadow. Also, it sounds like your niam tsev is the type of person that siab qeeb qeeb. These types of people you have to observe and monitor every single step until she improves. Can't blame her 100%. She may be at fault 50%, but you are too. It's not that nws siab tsis loj and not willing to learn. Some people are tougher to be trained and learn. She becomes who is based on you. I have a sister in law who is like that because her husband spoiled her to be that way.
Everyone is different, not everyone likes the same thing. I pick up after my wife and kids where they lack, and they pick up where I lack. That is life and supporting each other
Cov neeg lau los si tus me nyuam twg, thaum koj hai nw e nw teb aw aw li no ma yog cov siab phem thiab siab tawv tshaj plaws, cov uas koj hai e nrog2 koj sib ceg ma tus no nw tseem kam hloov nw tus kheej
You don’t learn. Took you 30+ years. Another man would have married another wife within the first 5-10 years. YES, not all wife are equal. Also for any successful marriage, it takes both partners to have the same values and goals.
Kuv ntseeg tias ib tug ntxhais yog tsis paub ua noj li ces mus ua Nyab ces yuav ua tsis tau 1 pluag noj, tab tsis tau yus lub neej , muaj tseeb. Tej txheeb ze tuaj Los yeej ua tsis tau 1 pluag mov caw tej txheeb ze los noj muaj tseeb. Tabsis kuv tus kheej tus coj kuv tsis ntshaw ua. Kuv tsuas worry about kuv lub family xwb . Kuv tsis need txhawj txog lwm tus. Tsuav kuv tsis nqa tais nqa duav mus thov leej twg noj thiab tsis mus txaus luag nyiaj los siv es tshuav luag Tsheej tog nqi xwb. Teb chaws no Nyias muaj Nyias nuj nqi , Nyias khwv rau Nyias lub family first xwb. Kev ua tus coj , tsuas yog Nyias kev ntshaw xwb. Leej twg ntshaw nws ua nws.
Lol. If you think relatives are responsible for your wife's success, then you should worry for your daughter's. I personally think it's mostly the individual person.
The Leader and the House Wife (or better know as the Slave). This country was almost destroyed due to slavery. Think about this and let's not repeat it. Face and Honor. Is there a difference?...ABSOLUTELY. Forget face, just wash it clean with soap and water. Real Honor is what it is about. It is what brings one down to the real "knee". You'll know this when tears come down not because of sadness but because of profound pride and joy. Know, understand, and live with honor. Have a wonderful night.
I personally know women like this. They are very siab qeeb qeeb heev and tsis tsheej haj, no matter how old they are. It's just who they are. If u don't think she could be a housewife to u, and if that's really important to u, it's best to go your separate ways. This doesn't justify your cheating tho. But i do understand where you're coming from bc as a woman, women like this annoys me too.
Nyob ntawd nej txivneej sab e tus pojniam tsis lim xeeb tsis khov ua niam tsev.. nej thiaj li ntxeev siab ua hluas nraug.. yog li pojniam ho tau tus txiv tsev tsis khov ua txiv tsev tub2 nkeeg tsis ua ibyam dabtsi.. tsis txob txhawj txog lub neej kev noj haus , nyiaj them nuj nqi , tsis paub tab li.. nyob li tus menyuam yaus xwb no.. ntshe peb pojniam yuav tau tham hluas nraug thiab os.. hloov dua tswv tshiab thiab.. tsis yog txhua tus tabsis yeej muaj qee tus hloov lub neej li no..
I’m a psychologist. Your wife’s behavior is that of someone with a learning disability. This a brain disorder that she was born with. Although she is intelligent, she suffers from lack of organization and has what we call auditory processing problems. This means her brain has problem storing information she hears to her long term memory so that she can recall minutes later to use. She can do only one thing at a time, and when tasked with very complex activities like preparing a party, she is not able to do. She will do best if you assign one activity at a time like one dish each day. Maybe make only one dish and have others make other dishes. This is a lifelong condition, not intentional. You’re right to have the sisters-in-law do the party. This condition is hereditary so she can’t help it. Be patient, brother. Love your wife for who she is. Accept her disability as what it is. Just like can’t expect a handicapped person to run, you can’t expect your wife to be capable of organizing main events like someone who does not have her disability.
Does she work? Does she do house-chores and take care of your 6 kids? Do you give her a hand when she's doing all of those work? From the sound of it, you constantly compare her and have no faith in her. Of course she will do exactly as you think of her. She might have undiagnosed ADHD and needed good guidance which you did not give her. Instead telling her to prepare a meal, be concrete by letting her know you want her to take the meat out, boil it with greens, make rice, and have food ready by 10 am. But you cheated on her instead.
Hi tus brother aw...Kuv yeej pom cov poj niam kws nws tsis ruaj tsis khov li koj hais niag txiv tsev ces uas hauj lwm cuag li tus poj niam xwb os lawv..Yeej tsi tau so li vim niag poj niam tsi tij lim ces niag txiv yeej tsi tau zaum nrog coj niag qhua tham pem li os lawv yeej txaus hlub tus txiv tsev khwv khwv kawg li os.
And it's ok not all hmong women are the typical do it all hmong women! It doesn't matter if she's a do it all kind of person bc in the end, the idiot dudes will find any reasons to cheat and bring home a mistress!! Feem coob kuv pom cov niam tsev tij tij lim mag tso tseg vim tus txiv ua thawj coj. Ua thawj coj ib ntu ces pom nws tus niam tsev tsis zoo vim muab khwv dhau lawm and mus pom poj nrauj hluas hluas zoo zoo nkauj ces ntxeev siab rau nws tus zoo niam tsev! Not all women are built to be a do it all!!! We all have our own strengths!! These niam tsev's khwv ciaj khwv tuag thaum kawg laus sai sai ces tus txiv tsis xav hlub. Some of these ladies do everything, be everything their man wants them to do and be but STILL divorce them in the end!! So what's the point? Who are we to judge how a woman handles her life and her house?!!! It's almost 2025 and hmong women like you are STILL judgemental about how another hmong woman lives her life!! SMH!!!
It's your fault for accepting the role without consulting with your wife first. U know that in order to be a patha, your wife has to be a real capable hmong housewife and u know she's not capable of handling large events at all, yet u still proceeded to accept the job without asking her first and then imposed the duties unto her. So it's your fault entirely. I would be mad too if my husband accepts the job without consulting with me and then expects me to cater to every need.
Twb ua neej los tau 30 xyoo lawm ces txhob qw qw lawm os me tub aw, tau ib tug poj niam zoo li no ces liag tej laus hais tias tau poj tsis tab cuab vij seej no los mas.
Tu txiv tsev no hais tag xav kom tu niam tsev hov hai thiab seb yog vim li ca tiag, teg hauj lwm loj li koj hais yuav tsum yog u tu ua txiv tawm tswv yim nrog tu poj niam. Zoo li koj tso tag nrho ib pua tsav yam rau poj niam xwb.
She may have ADHD. I have a niece who does the same thing. She is not reliable at all cause she gets distracted easily and procrastinate all the time. It is very annoying. Take her to see a dr.
Why does the wife have to give money here, money there, it's his fault!! No matter what the wife does, the husband will never be satisfied. That's how hmong OG men wanna be someone important is. Been there and sick of it. His story is BS
2 leeg lub hom phiaj g zoo sib xws ces yeej zoo li neb khub niam txiv no.kuv kuj g blamed koj tus wife the whole issues tej zaum nws xeeb txawm yug los zoo li no .yus yog txiv ces yog tus niam ua g tau los yus loo mw kiag xwb los mas .koj sim yuav 1 tug kiag los meb koj yeej g txog twg thiab tiag 😅
It seems ur wife is lazy & always coming up with excuses. It’s understandable if it happened once or twice but that’s one too many times. A good Niam tsev will learn from her mistakes & better herself next time. She’s just plain lazy. I’m sorry but that’s the truth.
Tej no koj twb paub tias koj niag maum dev twb tsis paub tab ces yus coj mus them kiag xwb cov poj niam Liam li no ces koj tsis txhob cia nws los tauv nyiaj li xwb yeej yog tim koj
Tus me txiv tsev cov tub ncov ntxhai uas pheej khav khav hai tia lawv ntse ntse ce cia nej xaiv nej ce nej tsi xaiv tus ib txwm nquag niam txiv yeej coj zoo los lawm thiab koj yeej pom nws tes haujlwm zoo zoo los lawm mam yuav nws tiamsis nej xaiv tus uas nej nrog pw zoo zoo xwb yeej tsi paub txog kev ua niamtsev zoo lica los nws yeej tsi care ce yeej zoo likos xwb tiag yog nej txoj hmoo xwb ce kawg uv thiab ua siab ntev xwb tiag. qhov zoo nej yuavtsum yog ib tus txiv tsev zoo ncajncee rau nws thiab os mas nws thiaj xav pab nej thiab nawb me tub .
Your wife must not be that bad, you’re still married to her after all these years of complaints. I am a niam tsev and I can’t stand wives and husbands who respond “I know, I know” but never follows through. It’s what teenagers say when you tell them. Lol. Tsis hais koj yuav yog poj niam los txiv neej Cov neeg coj li no mas yuav tau yuav tus txij nkawm coj ib yam nws mas thiaj nyob taus ua ke. You tolerated her this long why start cheating now? Twb nyob laus tas mam tham hluas nkauj es zoo ab tsi lawm. Tab tom nrhiav kev nyuab siab rau tus kheej thiab tej me nyuam xwb. Yuav ua hluas cas tsis ua thaum ntxov es nrauj thaum tseem hluas thiaj tsim nyog mas.
Wow, your wife is very incompetent. Don't know how you stayed with her all those years. Since you chose to stay with her all those years, you just have to deal with it. I want to hear her side of the story. Seems like she doesn't love or care enough to be willing to put any effort in anything.
He said in the story that his wife said no matter what she does or do, he told her it's never good enough so she doesn't want to do the niam pob thaj job. The wife may be incompetent but the husband tells her she is incompetent in everything she does so maybe that's why she doesn't care about doing anything for him. I want to hear her side of the story too!
yog txiv ua lub siab dawb. tus niam yeej txaus siab txhawb, tus niam tsev ua lub siab loj. ces tus txiv thiaj tau ua tus thawj coj, tus poj niam ruam ces tus txiv kawg kob huam xwb ov mog hmoob,
Hummm????Luag tej laus hais tias tus niam tsev zoo yuav tsum yog muaj tu zoo txiv tsev, yog li koj puas yog ib tug txiv tsev zoo thiab? Kuv xav mas koj yeej tsis zoo npaum cas thiab koj thiaj ua neej laus tag los tseem tham hluas nkauj! Twb tos tuag lawm xwb, koj lub neej nrog niam yau ho yuav ciaj ncaig tau li cas?
Hoyo! Koj twb paub koj tus poj niam tsis khov es koj mus lees ua dab tsi na. Tim koj xwb. Yus xav2 ua nom es yus rov muab yus nyiaj los ua party tsa yus ua nom es koj yuav kom poj niam ua kom tau li koj xa es nws yuav uali cas ua tau na koj twb paub zoo nws tsis khov na.koj ces ntshe xav tau niam yau xwb od. Xum muab koj lub neej rhuav los pauv niam thawj coj uas tsis muaj nyiaj hli ko.seb koj lub neej tseem ceeb dua los ua niag thawj coj with no pay tseem ceeb dua xwb mas. It's your choice
Koj poj niam tsis yog tsis paub os yog nws siab mes2 pob2 taub hlub tsis taus lwm tus xwb. Knowing how your wife is, you should have do a follow up on her or do yourself.
Yeej musj tej tu poj niam zoo li kj tu ko tu poj niam zoo ko kv g nyiam li nawb web Diab daug g paub maj g paub lwm tu to ne txhob txwm naj cov poj niam li ko ma txhobe txhwm kv ma txhub txhoj
Yog kawg cov neeg qia dub ces yuav qia kom tas tiam tau teb tsis zoo ces yog ib cim nrhiav daim teb tshiab yog tau txij nkawm tsis tsheej haj tsis paub tab ces tag ib cim lau koj na
You're not perfect either cause you can't even do all by yourself. Yog koj paub paub thiab koj xav kom koj zoo ces koj kuj ua kom tag ntshe koj tseem muaj nqis dua ma!! Nej cov txiv Hmoob no yeej tsis sawm zoo thiab na tau tus poj niam txhawb txhawb yus los muaj muaj plhus ib zaug muaj ib hnub twg ces yeej yuav muab poj niam tsuj rau hauv av hos cov poj niam tsis txhawb los nim tias tsis txhawb ua li cas los txhaum nej tag li os nej nim yog huab tais los cas na huab tais npaum twg los thaum hmo ntuj yeej kawg nkag poj niam ob ceg xwb thaum no huab tais tsim poob tag lawm os!
People so annoying es pheej hais tias nim hloov npe yog yus hais es tseem ntshai txaj thiab ntshai neeg paub ces tsis thad coj tuaj hais li hos yog twb pom xeeb coj tuaj hais kawm ces ua li hmoob lo lus ib txwm hsis tso paus yeej tsis ntdhai tsw hais yeej tsis ntshai hnov no mas thiaj hsis yog tseem muaj qhov ntshai ces tsis tha hais yoj luag khoo. Ya. Lusg npe txiv neej hmoob ces neej tsis zoo lis tim poj niam muaj ntxhais xwb los tim poj niam musj tub xwb los tim poj niam tsis muaj nyiaj tsis musj noj los tim poj niam ib puas yam tsav tsus zoo ces teej yog tim poj niam xwb txiv neej hmoob mas perfect xwb tos hmoob tsis muaj teb chaws hmoob tsis tau txawj kav teb chaws
Yog li ces koj mus yuav tau tus poj niam tsis txwm puas nws lub hlwb tsuas puv li 60 feem pua xwb cov poj niam zoo li no ces tseev koj qhuab qhia li kawg muab pov tseg xwb yog tias koj Xav ua tus thawj coj
Yeej yog li koj poj niam hais mas. Yog nws twb tsis khob npaum koj hais es koj cov kwv tij dig muag lawm los ua cas ma? Yog lawv twb pom tias koj poj niam tsis khov, hos koj Los twb pom li es lawv ho muab pov rau koj ua dabtsi? Txoj kev ua tus con es ua qhwv npaum ntawd es leej twg thiaj Xav ua leej twg tus coj na! Teb chaws no Nyias muaj2 Nyias hauj lwm ces yuav tsum yog leej twg Xav ua ces volunteer xwb tsis tas yuam es kam tsis kam los pov these rau thiab mas. lol.
TUS NIAM TSIS KHOV LOS YOG TUS TXIV KHOV...TUS TXIV TSIS KHOV LOS YOG TUS NIAM KHOV CES LUB NEEJ YEEJ OK KAWG...YOG 2 LEEG KHOV IB YAM CES HAJ YAM ZOO HEEV XWB...ES TXHOB HAIS TIAS TIM KOJ POJ NIAM XWB...SOUNDS LIKE KOJ YEEJ TSIS NROG NWS SAIB NROG NWS XYUAS THIAB....
Ab! Es koj nim pom nim paub nkawv muaj nyiaj npaum cas na? Even if they only have 10K in the bank, it's not enough for you to use to "serve" the hmong community. From what I see, most of these thawj coj ces khav theeb xwb es. A bunch of loser show offs, twb tsis muaj nyiaj li los nim ua thaj muaj muaj coj kwvtij neej tsa thiab phoojywg coob li coob mus noj mus haus tej lub restaurant kim li kim! When it comes time to pay, cev hlo daim ticket rau tus niam tsev them! Ua thawj coj ces ua laug thawj qhev raug luag siv yus until you go bankrupt!!! 😂
