Noel Fielding takes on hecklers at Just The Tonic 

Click more for transcript of audio (thanks April). Recorded at Just The Tonic's Christmas Extreme at The Royal Centre in Nottingham 22nd Dec 2006.
BEGINNING OF TRANSCRIPT:
Noel:
Have you finished with your travel card?
Have you finished with your travel card?
Have you finished with your travel card?
Have you finished?
Have you?
Have you finished?
Have you?
Have you finished?
I I
Man1: inaudible
Noel: Are you interrupting again? Its you again, isnt it? There cant be two twats in that tiny area.
Man 2: Hey you suck!
Noel: Sorry?
Man 2: You suck!
Noel: Who, me or him?
Man2: Both of you!
Noel: Both of us? Youre.. youre third in that order though, surely. Even him, he's a total cunt, youre bett, uh, worse than him. Do I suck?
Man2: Yes!
Man1: Are you gunna shave your head?
Noel: Am I gunna shave my head? Jeez You suck, yes, are you gunna shave your head? Yeah, I am, yeah, this is what this is about. This is a hairdressers. This is the Barbers preamble before he comes out and cuts my hair. There's four of them and were gunna do a fucking quartet then I'm gunna stab you in the eyes with the scissors.
Man1: How do you put your trousers on?
Noel: Huh?
Man1: How do you put your trousers on?
Noel: How do I put them on? Is that a trick question?
Man1: Want me to show you?
Noel: I put them in the fire, then come down the chimney. And then at night, I take them off again to fuck your momma.
Man1: Youre not very imaginative!
Noel: Well I fuck her in an imaginative way. I dress her up as a penguin and then set fire to her.
Man1 doesnt reply.
Noel: Anything? I dont mind, I love these games, cmon. Silence is golden. Look at you, creepin off in the dark like Fergal Sharkey. Now you got nothing to say. Not very imaginative. Everyone hates you.
END OF TRANSCRIPT