Northlane - Sleepless

Подписаться 249 тыс.

Просмотров 400 тыс.

50% 1

Taken from Northlane's album Alien, out now: unfd.lnk.to/A1ien
Subscribe to UNFD: unfd.lnk.to/su...
UNFD on Facebook: / unfdcentral
UNFD on Instagram: / unfdcentral
UNFD on Twitter: / unfdcentral
www.unfdcentra...
I can’t reach your hand
I can’t liberate you
I know you’re alive
But in my heart I’ve said goodbye
So tonight
I’m sleepless
Afraid of what I might become
A curse I’ve tried to ignore
But still it leaves feeling numb
I wish I could have done more
It’s taken over every cell,
Why are you drowning yourself,
When you are so unwell?
I can’t reach your hand
I can’t liberate you
I know you’re alive
But in my heart I’ve said goodbye
So tonight
I’m sleepless
I keep this out of sight,
Out of mind.
But I never left it all behind
I never left it all behind
I can’t reach your hand
I can’t liberate you
I know you’re alive
But in my heart I’ve said goodbye
So tonight
I’m sleepless
I’m sleepless
#Northlane #A1ien #UNFD

Опубликовано:

5 окт 2024

Ссылка:

Скачать:

Готовим ссылку...

Добавить в:

Мой плейлист

Посмотреть позже

Комментарии : 430

@byAegis 5 лет назад

It doesn't really matter how much Northlane have changed over the years, their shit always hits hard. This song is so heavy and not in a metal kind of way. You really feel it.

@tommcpherson7566 5 лет назад

Nameless weightless sleepless

@frummer8373 5 лет назад

Hell yes dude

@edunogues23 5 лет назад

@@frummer8373 hellyess

@terrycrews6179 5 лет назад

Oh fuck

@violetsketch11 5 лет назад

and shapeless

@marvinsepp3202 4 года назад

The Brave - Dreamless

@lucasflorentino2849 5 лет назад

Northlane, thanks for make me feel alive.

@ZepyhrLight 5 лет назад

@ɮօʊռċɛ օʄʄ why

@gSWG3R 5 лет назад

@ɮօʊռċɛ օʄʄ calm down edgelord

@lucasflorentino2849 4 года назад

Sometimes we're in a void, without feelings or anything like that. With this song i've so many memories...

@pandoratypography 5 лет назад

Literally the production in this song is some of the best electro pop and liquid DnB I’ve ever heard and it’s in a prog Metalcore song. I’m in heaven.

@guitarhero38633 5 лет назад

Oceans Ate Alaska is prog metalcore. This is pure shit.

@phatsnag 5 лет назад

@@guitarhero38633 bro chill

@michaelkarl783 5 лет назад

@@guitarhero38633 you're correct this is THE shit.

@danes5143 3 года назад

@@guitarhero38633 marcus is a way better vocalist than both james and jake they just are pure scream, marcus is versatile

@azuraug8693 4 года назад

Anyone else coming back to this after Negative Energy?

@jbasti227 4 года назад

After the live clip of this from their doc, I had no choice

@jessematthews6448 4 года назад

Yup. After watching that I've had this on rotation hard. Took the song to another level.

@ScandinavianDevil 4 года назад

The fucking lump in my throat. The goosebumps and the tears at the same time? What the fuck. Of course.

@KyleBurnsMusic 4 года назад

Yeah my dude. Hearing the back story of this song and his performance of it live. Epic tearjerker

@negroylaql 4 года назад

fue necesario

@WelcomeToMANTRA 5 лет назад

Marcus’ vocals are actually out of this world.

@archienemigo 5 лет назад

That sax in the background is just perfect. Also that breakdown at the almost ending part 👌🏿

@larristheblackswan3584 5 лет назад

i said the exact same thing as soon as i heard it.

@RomanSwak 4 года назад

Marcus's Mother (Who this song is about), has passed away recently. The line in the song "I know you're alive, but in my heart I've said goodbye" just took on an even deeper meaning. I genuinely feel for Marcus and his story, I truly respect the bravery it took to release his story in such an artistically proficient way. I love this band, they've changed my life and the lives of many others.

@drummerAVA 4 года назад

I lost my father a few months ago... yeah, it's a powerful lyric... a lot of these songs on this album mean a lot to me, even when I can't always directly relate, I relate to the feeling of loss and wishing you could've done something different to help the situation reach a different outcome... and ultimately, just having to accept things for what they are and move on.

@RomanSwak 4 года назад

@@drummerAVA agreed. I won't go personal but I haven't even gone through a shred of what Marcus has, but even with what I've gone through with my family, I can find a lot to relate to in this album. That personal connection with the story really makes this album amazing to me.

@drummerAVA 4 года назад

@@RomanSwak Definitely man... when you know the meaning and story behind this album, it makes it even better for sure.

@davidwalsma-gibbs1200 4 года назад

I do believe this is about his sister actually. His sister was an addict at one point so he wrote this song for her.

@abluecassette 2 года назад

@@davidwalsma-gibbs1200 Yeah, I read somewhere it was about his mother's failure to keep his sister from drugs (apparently she's clean now). Powerful.

@Unknownas1337 Год назад

This makes me cry every single time...

@filipeferreira5518 5 лет назад

This album is so personal for marcus, i bet this one is for his mother. I just hope hes fully recovered and somehow can live a positive life. Much love from Portugal. Hope to see you again someday.

@aloneaflame9343 5 лет назад

Its actually somewhat annoying when people assume people are not fully recovered. This album is liberation from past for Marcus, no need to assume he's still broken or something. Saying from experience

@alexsannar7286 5 лет назад

@@shadowdormin nah it's about his mom. Paradigm is about his sister

@dev4965 5 лет назад

@@shadowdormin His sister is still alive. *www.theguardian.com/music/2019/jun/21/you-can-make-it-out-of-hell-northlanes-marcus-bridge-opens-up-about-traumatic-past*

@essennagerry 5 лет назад

I've no idea wbo Marcus or this band are, can someone point me to a good source to learn more about them? Someone shared this song in a gc and that's how I cane to know it.

@dev4965 5 лет назад

essennagerry I mean... you can search the band Northlane... on google...

@olegtsitovich2098 5 лет назад

hands down, this is a masterpiece

@eightyeightfiveoh Год назад

Genuinely one of the greatest songs I've ever heard in my life

@TheEtceteraK 5 лет назад

I am in bed crying very silent tears, with so many memories. It's the first time in a very very long time that a new song has touched me that way. I can't wait to see you guys live in London.

@Feef_von_Smoomsheym 5 лет назад

Feel you there...

@ELPrahGungame 5 лет назад

same here

@oswaldojimenezcanales9919 5 лет назад

My skin felts it 👁🔥

@SpookyStorkRunningWild 4 года назад

ahaha touch me that way

@MrCholoPants3415 4 года назад

yikes

@DeathCorpStudios 5 лет назад

Anyone watch a sunrise to this song yet? - Well I just did and I’m feeling some kind of emotion I can’t explain.

@homerdj0nt 5 лет назад

This one was very very well done, the climax is just too strong

@formatimesstudioproject 5 лет назад

i listened when sunset.

@odedishelanu5830 5 лет назад

been up all night

@wavyjones96 5 лет назад

Im going to the beach this weekend and ill try to feel it, thanks for the recommendation

@PrinceofDarkness_94 5 лет назад

Same bro.. Northlane are the best band on the planet

@Dwesk 5 лет назад

When that vocal line + bass on 1:55 hits - goosebumps engaged.

@manuinjapan 5 лет назад

man absolutely, was walking home today and when that hit i got crazy goosebumps, it's just gorgeous!

@r0bb073 5 лет назад

His vocals @2:35 gave me chills man. Marcus can sing his ass off man! Great song diggin the dnb too

@TheSleepyMechanic0524 Год назад

Forgot how much I loved this song until I paid attention to how much I replay it. This and bloodline are my favorites by them.

@violetsketch11 5 лет назад

A perfect companion for high way drive. Gives me chills and floating feeling along the way.

@LeLuizFelippe 5 лет назад

Haha yes! I listened to this song the first time while driving. What an experience.

@SkullKnightBeats 5 лет назад

The whole album is awesome! Not a single disappointment. But this... I'm totally addicted to this song. It has everything. It's dark, calm, soothing has got some electronic elements in it, great lyrics, an intense climax at 02:08 and if this wasn't enough a little djent at 03:27 right before it gets back to the calm and soothing part. 'I'm sleepless'. Northlane you've outdone yourselves with this one.

@willzavala9890 4 года назад

Straight masterpiece

@svono_svono_music 2 года назад

beatufiul song, love the chord progression + piano reverb and phrasing. LIke something in one of my songs (on channel if anyone is interested) Man i love northlane, such an amazing band. so many goosepumps here - not only such a beuatiful instrumental / such amazing ambience, but the lyrics too resonated so hard. A beautiful creation

@SecretGrove 5 лет назад

Dude this is so fucking cool. I love that these guys aren't afraid to delve into musical areas beyond their genre. So tasteful and talented.

@daniellesolari6995 5 лет назад

This song is heartbreaking

@druminik 5 лет назад

Man, the lyrics of the whole album hit me right in the feels.

@joserulezd00d 4 года назад

I was about to start my workout when I hit shuffle on my playlist; this is the song that played first. I listened to the lyrics as I was warming up and the lyrics made me feel sad. I don’t normally listen to emotional music like this, but I really couldn’t escape this sad world I was living in. I ended up having this song on repeat for the whole training session. Even though I felt sad, I just couldn’t let go of this sad state of mind. All the depression I bottled up felt like it was being released into the air. It might sound weird, but that’s how I felt in my experience listening to this song.

@mt2oo8 5 лет назад

Not to be dramatic but this is the best Northlane song ever

@kieranwilson1466 5 лет назад

And bloodline exists

@RapertGameplsays 5 лет назад

Yeah with Animate

@gSWG3R 5 лет назад

This is easily the most emotional Northlane song I reckon. It's on par with Render in terms of how freaking amazing it is overall.

@Skillskate123 5 лет назад

@@gSWG3R paragon and freefall are also pretty emotional

@jacks910 5 лет назад

mt2oo8 Nah, more like worst song on Alien

@ИЛЮША 3 года назад

In heart...

@beadlescentral834 3 года назад

Calamity brews near

@beadlescentral834 3 года назад

⚜️🌬🌬🍀🏵

@beadlescentral834 3 года назад

٧٠@unocleanisotropic

@beadlescentral834 3 года назад

@andg_rodg_4_real710 3 года назад

In hearts wake

@mobile_filmer1836 5 лет назад

For me Marcus belongs to the top 3 vocalists next to Sam Carter and Jason Butler. Brilliant Song.

@RapalloINCAE 5 лет назад

Soooo agree with this

@anthonymonterosso7472 5 лет назад

Sam Carter is my absolute favorite singer! Dude has some great range

@jbasti227 5 лет назад

It's great hearing Jason mentioned! I feel like he doesn't get nearly as much recognition as he deserves.

@randomcitizenname 5 лет назад

Devin Townsend for me. But still up there, just shy of his level.

@doublelmetal2743 5 лет назад

Listened to all the new songs. Now I’m gonna listen to the whole album and go for a 43 minute run because nothing sounds better

@aaronpanesar 5 лет назад

I did a 43 minute run today. It almost brought me to tears when it was all over. This is astonishing and has put them on the Periphery level. If stretched out a bit longer, this song could be a masterclass in my unworthy opinion. As ending songs go, this is the best one since Aspire 👍🏼

@Basket95Dani 3 года назад

I almost forgot to listen to this today. Another level here.. Thank you Northlane.

@sybilac1197 2 года назад

Omg Marcus 🔥

@eviephillips8679 3 года назад

I will be listening to this song until the day I die. I can listen to this on repeat for hours because, every time I do, it still has the same beauty as the first time I heard it, and I think that's a sign of amazing songwriting...

@nathf4698 5 лет назад

This is one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard ❤️❤️

@enricolupi2112 5 лет назад

I think this album Is the greatest they've ever done, they're matured and thought on new tematics to debate in particolar the childhood of Marcus... This song tells about his mother's inability to prevent his sister from substance abuse herself, and Marcus said that his objective in this album Is to tell his story and make this listen uncomfortable ,available to' speak about these delicate arguments nowadays. This Is the greatest and best album ever done from Northlane and nothing other to' Say apart that u made It, Great Album, much love from Italy guys!

@tylerherman2410 5 лет назад

Couldn't agree more (:

@pierresimonetti2689 4 года назад

Ok just listened the whole album, me, alone in my room, standed up and start to clap hands.

@creatinovic Год назад

forever my favorite Northlane song

@abluecassette 2 года назад

This song is a MASTERPIECE.

@Hvairn 5 лет назад

talent shows not by how much money or fame a band has but by being able to differ from their main genre and still sound authentic and good. Accidentally slipped into northlane through node so this whole album just is addictive to me. I hope to see them live one day

@chrisfranklin4061 2 года назад

Still here in 2022. Quite possibly one of the best vocal displays in the past 10 years.

@ScarletSun 5 лет назад

3:28 Nolly: So guys, how low do you want to tune the guitars? Jon: YES

@ELPrahGungame 5 лет назад

SoFarAwayBand double drop c

@danholloway3263 5 лет назад

@@ELPrahGungame double drop c is what asking alexandria tune in, its CGCFAC, northlane are in drop C#1

@ELPrahGungame 5 лет назад

Dan Holloway sorry, my fault, but this is drop C-0

@ELPrahGungame 5 лет назад

Dan Holloway in others songs they use drop C#-0 or drop F-1 but this is drop C-0

@danholloway3263 5 лет назад

@@ELPrahGungame ah yeah that makes more sense, good point

@deathxceremony5255 5 лет назад

Sitting here high af best thing i've ever heard in my life

@unholymiloskie7154 5 лет назад

This band is going places

@blackbird7156 5 лет назад

Innovative piece of art i adore it

@bencampbell498 5 лет назад

Gives me fucking chills. Love the sax in the background in the beginning.

@emilyoxley1578 Год назад

The vocals starting at around 2:25 are absolutely bone-chilling. SO good! I don't know about anyone else, but this song gave me some Sleep Token vibes.

@anxiety-1571 Год назад

It felt like i never actually understood the lyrics of the song until just now, this is the first time that i'm listening to it after one of my friends passed away, now it just all makes sense...

@brentyoung4253 5 лет назад

I love how diverse this band has become. Thank you for the pure talent and musicianship. Vocals are done perfectly to capture the emotion. Keep going guys and creating beautiful music. I'll be watching the sunrise in a couple of hours to this

@midnightextreme 5 лет назад

Now listened to the full album my favorite album by you and Paradigm is now one of my favorite songs ever

@juzuxz93 5 лет назад

Paradigm is actually my own least favorite but I mean this album is so damn dope that there's something for everyone.

@midnightextreme 5 лет назад

Jussi Vuorio yeah nothing on here is bad by any means

@levilively8643 5 лет назад

I love that is SOO different than anything they've ever put out but its fucking amazing in every way! That part I just heard (2:10) gave me fucking tears of joy. This band gives me euphoria like I've never experienced before. And I love them for existing.

@jasonlovesmusicreacting882 5 лет назад

Most of the album did not sink in well so I'm hoping it's a grower.

@levilively8643 5 лет назад

@@jasonlovesmusicreacting882 northland in general did not sink in well with me the first few times. I liked a couple songs but other than that they werent my cup of tea... I heard a few newer songs and I fell in love.

@Wedontevenlivehere 3 года назад

I love this song so much 🥲🙏🏼 It’s like Linkin park “My December pt. 2” ... pure gold 🙏🏼😭 “I can't reach your hand I can't liberate you I know you're alive, but in my heart I've said goodbye So tonight, I'm sleepless” 🖤 Forever grateful for Northlane 🙏🏼✨

@oscartaylordrums 5 лет назад

Thanks for making me cry ❤❤

@karnivool13 5 лет назад

For me this song is like a mix between pendulum and karnivool...i like it

@TenaciousJoe24 5 лет назад

I know that you're alive but in my heart I've said goodbye, damn Also this kinda reminds me of my December by linkin park, but in a good way

@food223 5 лет назад

i was getting my December vibes from this too, tbh i do prefer this but both songs are good

@levilively8643 5 лет назад

This is about his mom who's a drug addict. I completely understand his wording there because after my mom tried to kill herself for the 2nd time I legitimately mourned her like she died. I never wanted to speak her to again as long as I was alive. And I didnt. For 2 years, until she had atleast 2 years sober. She just hit 8 years sober and we have an amazing relationship. People can come out of it. I hope his mother has too.

@slickstriker45 5 лет назад

Yo I was thinking the same thing when I first heard this. As a matter of fact all throughout the album I get linkin park vibes

@ColeVickSheepShearer 4 года назад

I could imagine the back album cover saying 'For Chester' and would be happy

@TheMuseiclver 4 года назад

Levi Lively I’m sad to say that Marcus’ mother didn’t make it 😞 you probably know by now though.

@MyDudeJZ 5 лет назад

Wow, what an ending!

@KsEMCP 5 лет назад

This song reminds me so much to pendulum. That drum an' bass vibe.

@chrisstratus 5 лет назад

This.

@sk33tsroom 5 лет назад

I had the exact same thought!

@loganwelty7094 4 года назад

Respect to the legends

@ganeshchaudhary5863 5 лет назад

It make me remember monochrome(Novelist) but bit heavy than that . Its just so satisfying to listen to such songs.

@sammartin8747 5 лет назад

they have what my friend calls "big dick basslines" throughout this whole album i love it

@KrC_Games 5 лет назад

sometimes i care about views, but if it's better than 90% whole worlds music, i'm happy, glad that i'm one of those few people that discovered such amazing songs, bands like this one... thank you sooo much rock/metal music. thank you.

@cursedshinobi5769 3 года назад

I will always love you mother. I miss you sincerely.

@troyupright1733 5 лет назад

Couldn't have a more perfect song to end an album

@average0citizen 4 года назад

why doesnt this get more attention? makes me so sad - it was too hard to find this song/BAND, it shouldnt be.. yet im glad i did

@Sergiopinedais 5 лет назад

One of my favorite song so far! Futuristic music

@Matt_Nor 5 лет назад

My thoughts after giving it a few spins; Nero + Rammstein Singularity + Mesmer and a pinch of Node The first record i actually love that is as electronic driven as this album is I'm actually wondering whether Architects lost their crown to Northlane as of now This album is HEEAAVVYY. Music isn't a competition, but Architects may need to step up their game now Tom Searle would've been proud of you boys. I thought to myself, this is gonna, it has to, it must end with a huuuge bang and it absolutely did. *I WAS NOT LET DOWN* We're all insanely proud of you Aussie boys! However... 2:18 - 2:30 *Yeees!!* 2:36 - 2:54 *YYYYYYEEEEEESSSSS!!!* Mr. Marcus Bridge are without doubt one of the best vox in the game 16/10 from me Thanks for reading my thoughts btw, haha

@danholloway3263 4 года назад

I'd actually say there's more node than mesmer in this album, it has node's huge chord progressions and ambience, discoveries' fast paced aggression, singularity's structures and rhythms and mesmer's riffing. And still manages to be the most original and unique album i've heard in the past 5 years. This is a best of northlane while also giving fans an extremely new and refreshing sound. That is borderline impossible to pull off and they've done it flawlessly. As for architects, I was kinda let down by holy hell but to give them credit they lost their main song writer and lyricist so props to them for staying together and going on

@silentcurrents 5 лет назад

I really want to hear this song live. Damn, please play this live NORTHLANE!!!!

@anthonyp3450 2 года назад

Feels.😇🖤

@Hvairn 5 лет назад

having to get up extremely early and listening to this song while wandering through the fog/mist is a whole different feeling (I know someone else mentioned listening to this during sunrise but trust me, it will change the feeling)

@jamesburt7437 3 года назад

Absolutely stunning. My favourite song right now.

@admiraladmirable420 4 месяца назад

This song took like 5 listens to fully sink in, and I only really noticed the saxophone parts today and it blew my freakin mind. This is truly on of those rare masterpieces

@whitebear8472 4 года назад

Found you guys today from this song randomly appearing in my playlist.. ..win.

@creatinovic 3 года назад

2:09 YES!

@connora3145 5 лет назад

This band is something else

@Ominous89 5 лет назад

The intro reminds me a bit of Radiohead - Codex. The vocals remind me a bit of Chester Bennington. This whole album is awesome.

@joshreade4 4 года назад

we need a video for this masterpiece

@SavageOra 4 года назад

One of the most beautiful songs I've heard... 💔❤

@tygyrlylly8079 5 лет назад

Straight off the Linkin Park thousand suns album. I believe Chester is speaking through Marcus here

@toasttoasted3492 4 года назад

Sleepless instrumental is mesmerizing 😳😳😳😳

@eversleeperband-josh9909 5 лет назад

Ok I need a solo acoustic version of this asap

@ColeVickSheepShearer 5 лет назад

Make it. I'll give it a like 🤟

@thorpemusic2019 3 года назад

Its coming may 21 lets goooo

@freezingjazzy 3 года назад

*_It has arrived._*

@HoaPierre 5 лет назад

Drum N bass why not, so dammn good

@roynavi9399 5 лет назад

from weightless to sleepless

@jordanmartinez5471 5 лет назад

I was too lazy to comment that but thanks haha

@fatfingersman 2 года назад

from sleepless to weightless :)

@bertramprstekjr-schmidt7502 3 года назад

the songs on alien are so well arranged, composed and produced that it feels like you experienced marcus childhood with him, truly a masterpiece, damn beautiful.

@danielhlavaty2521 5 лет назад

This whole album fucking rocks.

@vader97100 5 лет назад

Welp it’s official, this is the best album closer I’ve seen this year. Also very relatable on the lyrics, with how this week has been for me.

@FloorGorilla 2 года назад

My tears will forever be loud and flow.

@Takkun1138 4 года назад

This brings tears to my eyes. Holy shit

@greenday182x 5 лет назад

Anyone else get dead letter circus vibes from this? Just that big anthemic rock sound

@shelookstome8727 2 года назад

I hear Karnivool at the end of it too :)

@Dhebas13 5 лет назад

This is new album of Northlane is the ressureition of new metal!

@fatjesus9561 5 лет назад

I nearly died reading this

@jasonlovesmusicreacting882 5 лет назад

@@fatjesus9561 lol 😂

@aloneaflame9343 5 лет назад

@@fatjesus9561 it's like a puzzle

@fatjesus9561 5 лет назад

@@aloneaflame9343 yeah mate its like trynna solve the fuckin Da Vinci code

@drumsno 4 года назад

I'm going to like this so hopefully more people will see it

@anthonymonterosso7472 5 лет назад

Goosebumps at 2:21 ish man, like WOW

@xXxShankersxXx 5 лет назад

such heavy UK drum and bass inspiration love it

@MCeremonies 5 лет назад

I love the airflow 🌝

@michaelarojas 4 года назад

Listening to Talking Heads and then Sleepless makes me wonder how it's from the same band!

@juzuxz93 4 года назад

Or Eclipse and Sleepless... But you know what? Diversity has always been this band's strength, especially after Marcus joined.

@michaelarojas 4 года назад

@@juzuxz93 I saw them live they were awesome.

@juzuxz93 4 года назад

@@michaelarojas I was supposed to see them live last December here in Helsinki but life got in the way... Next time them or Polaris tour here I'll try to make sure that won't happen again 🤘

@michaelarojas 4 года назад

@@juzuxz93 They sound amazing live.

@juzuxz93 4 года назад

@@michaelarojas so I've heard

@yoaussiedm 2 года назад

2:21 Goosebumps? Check. Stomach rising into throat? Check. Tears welling up in eyes? *Check.*

@TheAntarcticaProject 5 лет назад

🔥🔥🔥🔥

@Caynug 5 лет назад

Im absolutely amazed by the creativity they got going on this album, such an inspiration. Much props to northlane, I am amazed!

@ridhofikrialfirmansyah6561 Год назад

I can't reach your hand I can't liberate you I know you're alive But in my heart I've said goodbye So tonight I'm sleepless Afraid of what I might become A curse I've tried to ignore But still it leaves feeling numb I wish I could have done more It's taken over every cell Why are you drowning yourself When you are so unwell? I can't reach your hand I can't liberate you I know you're alive But in my heart I've said goodbye So tonight I'm sleepless I keep this out of sight Out of mind But I never left it all behind I never left it all behind behind I can't reach your hand I can't liberate you I know you're alive But in my heart I've said goodbye So tonight I'm sleepless I'm sleepless

@xJust2Deadly 5 лет назад

Masterpiece

@gabrielbrown8501 5 лет назад

Has Ghost in a Shell opening vibe, which is awesome!

@dmitriystroykov9597 4 года назад

This album is so fucking incredible. Been waiting for it since January, had lots of thoughts about the quality and vibes of the material guys would present - and not a single fucking dissapointment!!!! Countless goosebumps in every moment. Dear agent K, please clean my memory so I would feel these first emotions again