This brought tears to my eyes just thinking about it. It happened yesterday on my trip back from California to Idaho in the tiny mining town of Beatty, Nevada just east of Death Valley. Early in the morning, I drove into a gas station to fill up for the trip home. It was bitter cold. Slowly, but intentionally, I was surrounded by burros while sitting in my vehicle. They looked cold, lonely, and hungry. I rolled down my windows and they stuck their huge heads inside. I was nose to nose with beautiful animals that yearned for my attention, and some edibles, which I gave them. Their warm, brown eyes looked so sad. In the convience store I asked the girl about the donkeys. She said that the local miners use them for packing supplies in and out, then abandon them, hence they wander the streets of town, usually single file, looking for hope, shelter, food and love. She even said you can adopt them and take one or more home for free. It's a good metaphor for us neglected and emotionally abandoned by our families of origin: wandering aimlessly, looking for something--anything, to fill the huge voids. If I had the means, I would have taken all six of those amazing beasts, one being a momma and her baby.
Broke my heart💔. I can't handle anything sad - from anyone that might be ill, neglected, hurt (physically, emotionally, mentally)- or worse! I can't manage death of loved ones, etc. It's constant sadness. Craizey how “life” sneaks up & kicks butt😢
@@sandracedar368 my post about the abandoned donkeys made you sad? I didn't mean to make anyone feel sad. The animals just reminded me of neglected people out in the cold, both physically, and emotionally. But, we C-PTSD sufferers have hope now. Anna Runkle is one of the first through that "wall of pain", with a powerful story to tell, and the insights that only a fellow sojourner could relate. I get academic advice all the time, but it takes someone who has lived it out in "the dirty" streets to bring the "truth bombs" home to the heart.
Sandra, you are in a community that can support you to find more joy than sadness. "Reverse the curse". One thing I look forward to Heaven is that it will be absent of all sadness, tears, regret, and death of any kind.
I've felt so tired and worn out ever since I was a teenager. Sometimes I feel so hopeless because I feel like I don't have the energy and tenacity left required to live a happy life. Reading the comments in this video makes me feel less alone, thanks for sharing this video with us! I'll take the time to digest the messages in this video ❤️
Me too! 27 yrs with struggling thru Daily life with Chronic Fatigue Immune Deficiency Syndrome/ ME then realizing I have all these issues as well. I'm WEARY!! 💔 😭 How to find the energy to start from scratch at 61.... to build a whole new life. Yikes
Within the past year, I've made some big changes: gradually reduced and stopped all medications, started lifting weights 5 days a week and started walking for at least 45 minutes outdoors daily. I weighed 235lbs at my highest, now at 153. I also completely changed my diet (zero processed foods, sugar, alcohol, wheat). It's actually been easier than I thought, but it takes persistence and consistency! I can't overstate how important these changes have been for my health -- mental and physical. I wish I would have made these changes 20 years ago, but better late than never.
Thats awesome , ive been self medicating with food , weed , alcohol since the 80s , working on letting go of vices … Like its not COOL to eat well and take care of myself !!!
@debrawynne5735 I know how hard it can be to let go of vices, and I self medicated for many, many years as well. We all have our own unique paths and challenges, and although I've had my ups and downs over the past year, I'm trying to stay positive and keep growing and learning. I wish you the very best on your journey!
I have preferred being alone since I was a small girl. Easier…but not healthy. I’m an introvert that can be an extrovert when the need arises, but it’s not a smooth transition and it drains me. Also, anger is new to me. I think I realize now how much I put up with and let break me when I was younger. You would be hard pressed to find me intimidated now, lol. Healing work is never easy but it’s worth it. I’m on my way but not in huge strides. I take it day by day. I’m feeling more peace now. One thing I make sure to never, ever do is claim victimhood. I’m a survivor. We don’t give up. Ever.
Yup. New years... "All Dressed Up, But Not Gonna Go."... and most other semi-inimate social gatherings where I might have to adapt, act, pretend, compromise, engage, approach... it's becoming harder and harder to do 'socialise" these days... but no problem jumping into the freezing ocean, New Years Day, with over 100 total strangers. Crazy. :))
for all of us that struggle with inertia and self-doubt, even in the little things, l know your commitment to self-care, even if it's just a shower, isn't just about a shower, and it's really important
Thats how I started. Today I am thriving living my dream (going to graduate school to get my doctorate)… you have no idea of the power of each little step.
Cold shower (or rather 2 or 3 x 30 second spells during my usual shower) to reregulate are my main go to each and every day. These are initially quite difficult at first, but after about 2 yrs it can be quite exhilarating.
32:10 This is what I commented on another lady's comment. She was stating how she left her husband because "It just wasn't working out." I mentioned how us dealing with CPTSD can distort our view of situations and our emotions tend to run high. Hopefully it wasn't the case, but it saddens me to think how many marriages end because of untreated CPTSD 😢 Then the cycle continues with the children. 47:39 Beautiful 😢❤
Anna, I have stopped the video to take the moment to comment for you. YOU have been a 'gift' for ME. Your ideas, your passion, your efforts, the time you've committed to 'Crappy Childhood Fairy'. . . . I am sending this message RIGHT NOW to you so YOU hear it. THANK YOU. May YOUR RESILIENCE continue. . . May you continue to share your gift
I'm going to listen to this over and over again and take notes. You have described so much that I'm familiar with and I'm in the process of healing and always will be. I just realized I may not be as happy because I am harboring bitterness. Thank you for all the videos and every time I listen to you it really helps me.
This goes so well with the verse of the day: "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1 I've been having a _feeling left behind and late bloomer_ these past few days. But I need to be more resilient and have faith because the vision I have for myself are much better than what my childhood trauma has to offer. ✨ Stay strong friends.
I blamed myself for my trauma coping mechanism which is to shut down so all I can do is listen to you while at work (I'm a laundry attendant) and the moving around being around strangers and I'm safe it regulates my nervous system you are like a calming presence and I just take it all in! Thank you for your videos!! I don't have health insurance so it's the only therapy I can afford at the moment but I share my healing with everyone that will listen❤ pass on the lessons you've taught me !!
I'm so glad you're here! If you haven't already, try Anna's free course 'The Daily Practice', here's a link: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you for this excellent explanation. I needed to hear this. I did grow up in "normal family" but now I understand I was neglected, and I never understand why. My parents are still together 67 years in happy marriage and don't think they did anything bad to me and my brother and my sister. All of us children have difficulty in our marriage, wrong partners and did not achieve some better quality of life. Thank you so much for sharing all this information, because every time I am learning something and it help me to move on in my life. Thank you so much.
Thank you for putting in the work to create CCF. You have such compassion and provide such clarity, especially in our post-lockdown world. I appreciate your wisdom.
Eight things!!? What a wonder to have a real fairy godmother! They step in at just the right time, always with their magic wand to make everything better!
This made me cry. It’s good to hear the truth and reality about behaving broken and there being hope that this brokenness doesn’t have to define me and can be healed. Thank you !
Actually i feel really grateful that you explain these things in every video it really helps a lot in accepting myself and moving forward so big thank you love you
Paralysis; Being unable to leave an abusive situationship with a malignant-covert narcissist. He's exactly like my childhood abuser. Exactly. In therapy, hoping to get thee strength, soon.
This just makes me want to cry because it makes so much sense and I've spent my whole life in a state of fear and confusion. BUT I've been using these videos and slowly moving forward .
This whole video is such a CALL OUT but in a good way. I feel seen and held accountable in a compassionate way. 😆💝Also I hope it's okay for me to say but your skin looks amazing and glowing in this video! Whatever you're doing looks fabulous!
Small actions, taken consistently empowers hope and healing… just get up again and again. ❤ YOUR STRENGTH IS ACTION!!! No matter how small … pebble by pebble…
I love isolating. Quarantine 2020 was the best thing that ever happened for me, I loved it. Was sad to have to give it up and I can’t wait for the next pandemic. Pretty sick. 😢
Thank you for addressing the fear. It’s true, the past is the past and everything else is the fear I have carried since then. I quit a horribly toxic job a few months ago with no new job to go to. I have been scared and dysregulated ever since, and terrified of looking for work even thought I need a job. But I can get through this as long as I’m mindful and gentle with myself. Thanks for your podcast!
Last time I've pushed myself it resulted in complete burnout (from freelance software engineering enterpreneurship) and I could not work for 2.5 years, burned through almost all of my savings and used the little left to start a new "career" in a different area - chemistry, I've set up a new lab, learned basics myself, started making product and everything was great until I started feeling overwhelmed again. All I want now is just few weeks of vacation (I've never had one for years - cannot afford to not work even for couple days - everything I make covers just the living expenses, materials etc.) - so it's hamster wheel except I get more and more tired every month and there is no escape. I don't want to borrow money from anyone except my GF to which I return it whenever I can. I am almost at the end of my big project that took over 4 years and now it should start making serious money, but the problem is the exhausting due to inability to take break. Every single day of life cost me something over 100 USD so every day off just increases height of the wall I will have to climb over...
Have bit struggling with so much fear for several days now because of something that happened in my professional life. I literally saw myself publicly humiliated and stripped of dignity and reputation. These have been such rough. And although I have been healing for over a decade now, also using your techniques dear Anna, when I get thrown out of balance by life events I get submerged in my PTSD symptoms. I came to this video today and when you say "this fear about something horrible in your life that will happen" (I paraphrase) "is just a fantasy" it really hit me. I was driving with my dog, tears falling down my face in relief and gratitude. Thank you for all you do, it makes such difference to all of us. Blessings to you ❤
Anna, I was flabbergasted and delighted to hear you mention Fr. Michael Sweeney and the Siena Institute in the middle of this video! I know him - when he lived in Seattle some 20 years ago I met with him for life guidance, as did several of my friends. I am also a huge fan of the Siena Institute, their gifts discernment has been a powerful tool for me over the years. You are SO blessed to have Fr. Michael as a mentor! (Talk about the gift of pastoring)… You’re doing amazing work with this channel, and I can truly see the effects of his counsel in your videos. So grounded, and so much wisdom.
Anna you gave me goosebumps again I'm so grateful that after being diagnosed 2 years and 2 days ago my strong determine Warrior woman came back because I spent the last 2 years struggling harder than I've ever struggled in my life and feeling pretty hopeless I related to everything that you said in that video I started I love people I love helping people I haven't been to a meeting in 2 years I grew up in 12 step meetings since I was 14 I love that realm but and I just I bought like a baby in Walmart's parking lot because I knew I had this I will get and continue to learn the tools that I need so that I can be free and live my best life and I love what you said about purpose cuz you know working in in the addiction pill was my passion and then I became disabled long story anyway and I do home health care part-time and I've done that for 5 years but I think that I'm leaving that as well that's part of this choice but thank you for talking about that because I'm so grateful that I just gave myself Goosebumps I will continue to watch and learn and grow from you and thank you all for making this possible
I don’t/can’t sleep. It took me 18 mos to get off meds, and sleep deprivation has won again and I am back on them. Not full doses yet, but it will happen. And med induced sleep has not allowed for trauma healing. I do only slightly better with medicated sleep than no sleep. I’ve been working incredibly hard for 4 years. Don’t patronize me by saying have you tried this or that. Yes. I have tried it. I am looking for a trauma informed program. How do I get past this.
I struggle with taking action. I’m looking forward to this video. I am currently in a state of paralysis and want out ASAP and want better tools for dealing with it in the future😊
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I can’t believe this secret disability was going on in my life and it took me so long to discover it. You helped me discover this so I can finally stop suffering and heal these issues. Your story gives me so much hope. 🤍🕊️
I have a special needs son that keeps me going. I am commited to daily practice past few weeks and feeling a surge of something freeing within me. Thank you Anna for sharing and uplifting 🙏❤️
I just want to add that the past couple of years were a different kind of abuse. I feel like 2 years of my life were wasted just being scared of dying and no human contact and trying to get my degree online. I feel abused because of that now that it's over, I feel cheated out of time and like everything was a sick joke someone was playing. I don't even know if I'm grateful for being alive after all these economic and health crises, I know I'm here but I feel like the danger of existing has multiplied and it can all be taken away from me at any moment. that's why I feel really frustrated every time I'm not slightly in control of the small details in life. these notes you make help a lot in calming me down, I also try to paint whenever I get the chance to cause that's calming too, but mostly I have a little sense of what's going on around me..
You're not alone in this. It's not childhood trauma, but these last two years will have created a new divergent form of PTSD for people who lived in Fear, accepted Isolation and ingested a toxic amount of Media overload ~ Information of the most negative kind. Best to your Recovery. Not accepting Abusive Policies, saying NO, is a great way to start Living again. :)
If you're a non-conformist type, it is a daunting challenge. I personally don't find much benefit to belonging to a "group" or club of any kind, as realating to people in groups usually requires superficial socialising, and that's just not a role I'm willing to play on my own time. For work, errands, etc - fine, but it's draining to maintain for longer social interactions.
@@20LookInside12 I see your point and to an extent am the same. But I have been alone for many years and I/m starting to get drained. What IS the solution then??
Hi all, this is my first time commenting here, I’ve listened to Ana for few months and understood a lot of how I feel and of course am healing rapidly; I also have been participating in alanon for 15 consecutive years in couple months; I still sometimes don’t understand why I feel guilty for feeling good
Thank you for being a part of our community here! If you haven't already, try Daily Practice (a free course). It can help process unwanted feelings: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD Nika@TeamFairy
I’m so grateful, I could say it a million times. I have such love for you(sisterhood lol 😂) thank you from the bottom of my heart, I can start my healing I can thrive because of you
For the gifted, participation doesn't mean inclusion. It means ending up the target of jealousy and misunderstanding (yet again,) and more often than not leads to yet ANOTHER rejection. After nearly 50 years of misdiagnoses, loneliness provides what little peace I get anymore.
Yes! Anyone who was still able to muster up their talents and gifts to achieve recognition in things like athletics or the arts (while being insecure, stressed and self loathing inside) often end up having to deal with jealous peers, and even envious parents (who might know somewhere deep inside, that we achieved accolades IN SPITE of their abuses) . It's like a double whammy. "I was able to achieve a modicum of my potential, rising up a bit out of trauma/abuse/neglect... but now people dislike me because I'm shining for a small moment." Ugh. Isolation IS a relief from a messed up Society full of mostly Superficial people. It's so easy to say, "I have a Rich inner Life, and am Done with the Outside world. ;)
I am there too (with Autism on top) but you can get through it, I have found the Daily Practice invaluable over the last month in reducing the anxious thoughts kicking about in my head. It will get better as the hormones settle down but it is a time of change nearly as strong as that we go through as teenagers. You can get there and there is hope for a more productive and peaceful time after the body settles into its new way of being.
