If you think this is a bit, it really isn't. The Army really is this dumb, lol. When I got out, I started using the phrase "if it makes sense, it doesn't", which came from the experience. Despite this being 100% accurate, it is still absolutely hilarious the way he delivers it.
I knew the moment the guy at the I D place sent him across the street to get razors he was going to get told no. What I would do is tell someone in uniform on the way in your predicament. Give them a few bucks to get you razors and wait outside. Most people will do you a solid.
Yes, the delivery is the best. Because it's all the things that we wish we could say in those situations but can't because you've already survived Basic.
Not just the Army. I’m a U.S. expat who married and had kids abroad, and here are my current dramas. 1. I can’t get a biometric driver’s license because the DMV won’t accept the State Department affidavit that I changed my name when I got married. I need to go to a courthouse to convince them I’m married to get the Social Security Administration to recognize the name change so I can get a new social security card to show the DMV. 2. I’ve been waiting a year for my youngest child to be issued an SSN, but I can’t follow up on her application because she doesn’t have an SSN, so now I need to go to the Embassy *again* and apply for one. But I’m not sure how to get an appointment because they require you to have an SSN just to contact the Federal Benefits Unit within the embassy.
I was in the military for 24 years and I can vouch for this entire routine! The sadder part of the story is that in just one day, you can encounter about a half dozen or more of these types of incidents for various other things, and you get home at the end of the day wondering why you got absolutely nothing of importance done at all.
I can understand the logic behind MOST of those steps...except the first one. Why won't the military let you have your picture taken if you have facial hair?
@@benwagner5089wow jealous much? Tell you what, you go out in Iraq in civilian clothes and drive around in unmarked vehicles with just your weapon to get to another dangerous place so you can prep for a raid on a HV target later that night where one of your teammates might die that night. Then well let you have facial hair to. This is why military and intelligence in the same sentence are considered an oxymoronic. It was the time and place. Yes some would abuse the privilege but there were reasons. It’s having higher risks and making decisions to lower those risks just a infinitesimal amount. That’s why they send them to do big boy missions. Because they train them more and they are vastly smarter then an average gun bunny. Hell most of the Regs and TTP are developed by the guys and the crucibles they go through. Did you know their are even military members who get clothing allowance for civilian clothes because that is their uniform for their jobs. The military might seem pedantic but they do things for reasons and much as you think otherwise. Maybe those reasons don’t apply at that moment but their is one. All except the ignoramus that is the reflective belt of chastity, aka PT belt. Right time and place is often ignored or additional rules to force those to comply has left the PT belt abused to the extremes.
Retired military here and I could predict every step of this story because I've been to the tire center, the strip club, Target and the main gate to get my pass. I've lived it. I still have a razor in my truck.
I showed this to my husband because I thought he had experience with this issue. (He was in the national guard). My husband said this is a real problem for those in the military. He was warned to NEVER, EVER LET YOUR MILITARY ID EXPIRE! My Father and Father-in- Law served in WW2. They both experienced this kind of military bureaucracy.
And how do you prevent this when you a) are not allowed to renew early, and b) are deployed for 6 months or longer? The National Guard may not have the deployment issue, but the Navy does, and these people were being a-holes at several steps. The commissary guy should have sold him the razors. You NEVER tell someone to leave base with an expired ID. Then the guy that could give one-day passes should have given him a one-day pass, since that's literally his job.
@nyx9875 you bring the contract with you that says you are still contracted longer than the expiry. The guy in charge of ID renewal should have mentioned the contract in the forst place as without the contract, even if Ben was shaved they would have denied the renewal. The easiest solution would be a 2 month prior to expiry window where people that need to renew can renew..... although even if people could renew before the expiry it wouldn't change the fact that the military would require proof that you need the ID renewed.
Yes, 2 weeks ago I went to dmv to renew my DL. I had an appointment and came on time. I was given a ticket with a number and was asked to wait till they call my number. When I reminded that I had an appointment, I got a laugh as a response. There was another "funny" part there, where I was told about one rule. I told them that it contradicts with a federal rule (about documents not necessarily for citizens), I was told no, they have their rules. Whatever, talked to another person, she went with me to the previous employee, and she asked why I was refused service, the person with their own rules openly said because she doesn't know how to do it.
I found out my military ID was expired when three of us returned to Camp Edwards from a half-day liberty during National Guard summer training. Not only was it expired, requiring my unit's NCOIC of the day to find a vehicle and drive out to the gate, but then there was a whole "thing" where questions were asked as to why I, an E3, had a Geneva Convention category listing on my ID of III (Used for warrant officers and O-1 to O-3). It was simply a typo by the E7 who originally typed up and issued my ID, but it made it seem like I was either an undercover Warrant Officer/Officer, or carried some sort of political protections. Fun night.
Stories like this makes you wonder, How have we ever won a war with an army that has such stupidity in it's bureaucracy? Proof that there is a God who likes America, because only by Divine intervention could we have won any wars despite the stupidly inefficient and hilarious army bureaucracy. 😂
The only bureaucracy here was each person has to remove facial hair before picture ID can be taken. Only a snowflake would have a problem showing up ready for photo ID renewal. This guy made his own problems with his lack of forthought.
@@LlyleHunter how is taking a picture with facial hair(im assuming not much, like now) security risk? how is a guy already on base shopping with an expired id security risk? how is it security protocol to be let on base once, then not the second time, and told to get a pass, then the pass guy saying you cant? how is any of that helping with security?
Very funny and very true. I was squadron duty officer in the Marines when an AWOL LCpl showed up with the MPs. He had 3 months of hair, no money, and a lost ID. He couldn’t get an Id until he had his hair cut but he couldn’t get a haircut until he had money which he could not get without an ID. This apparently was an official conundrum in the Marine Corps. Just so this didn’t end up at the Wing for resolution I gave said Cpl the money for the haircut and a bite to eat which I think was against regs but I did not enquire.
You are a Saint! Anyone in possession of the necessary human amount of empathy to be classified as a Person should help someone out if they are in this situation!!
@@highonlife341okay, I'm still recuperating from the repeated brain explosions reading that comment. However, they have travel nair, that goes on a Keychain!? How did I not know about this?
As a military dependent, this is painfully accurate XD if your ID expires, you can’t do ANYTHING on base. You can’t go to the commissary or the BX, you can’t even go to the pool or the gym. Moral of the story should be: don’t EVER let your ID expire, cause if you do, you’re screwed XD
My father is an Army veteran, he told me he would disown me if I ever joined the military. I hadn't planned on it but after hearing many stories like this I understand why he said what he said.
Moral of the story IS…don’t let ANYTHING expire…Military ID…Driver’s License…Passport…or even a gallon of milk…unless you want headaches and anxiety bigger than the expiration date itself!!
I laughed so hard because I had to go and get my passport renewed and they wouldn't accept the picture I had done at Shoppers so they told me to go downstairs in the mall to a photo store which also does pictures and get it redone. Then to come back upstairs and they would process my paperwork. Went downstairs and the photo shop had a be back in an hour sign on it. So it took me almost 3 hours to get the paperwork done from the time I got there to the time I left. Yep I almost lost it. 😅
I've been married and divorced twice. I have a FL ID with that stupid little gold star that says they verified all my documents. I went and got a passport, filled out all my name changes, and nothing in there said I had to prove it. So I went to the passport office and the woman looked at me and asked me where my marriage licenses and divorce papers were. I looked at her dumb founded and said, it didn't ask for that and I have a FL ID with the gold star they've already verified those. This woman looked me dead in the eyes and said, "well that's state, this is Federal." I was really taken a back cause I'm like does Federal not recognize state ID? Like seriously. I looked at the women and said, "But I've filed taxes with those names." She said well they may ask you for more information. So we finished and moved on. Never asked me for more info just sent me my passport. Still my brain was broken that day cause I couldn't believe the ridiculousness of it all.
Took me 6 hours to get my passport renewed this year. Got there on early for my appointment, went through all the steps, then waited 6 hours for them to process it. Everyone else was gone by the time they finished mine and I had an early appointment
Seriously took me like an hour and a half that includes doing the paperwork, driving to Walgreens for a passport photo, going to the post office to turn in the application my old expired passport and my photo left 5 minutes later. A month later the new passport was in my mailbox.
This was almost as good as Shayne Smith's Florida crocodile routine - very similar vocal inflections. I've been on a base before _without_ military ID and didn't get in trouble either. Of course, I was a kid at the time and was allowed on base because someone else had a current military ID card and they were headed to the PX. Ben probably could have gotten on base if he just asked if someone would be nice enough to call someone to escort him to the ID renewal center. If he knows someone on base that can vouch for him, then that's even better. Catch-22's kind of suck by design - the ID renewal building should be outside of the base because having it be on base will only result in hilarious shenanigans like this where no one can renew their ID.
Sounds similar to my adventures at the DMV. Unbelievable. I started losing it when I was sent to the 4th line. Had a security guard intervene when I started talking much like this guy in this set. Ah, government.
As an ordinary person who had an expired ID. I needed a birth certificate in order to get a new ID. Problem was my birth certificate was lost. So I needed to go find a way to order a new birth certificate. Funny thing is, I was told that I couldn't get a copy of my birth certificate because I needed an ID. I then proceeded to become a tennis ball, as the government claimed there was no evidence of my existence. Yet let me commit a murder...
@@blackpearl9504 Even worse was when I moved to Texas. I had my Birth Certificate, and SS card, PASSPORT (which according to their papers was all the ID needed), previous Real ID DL, applications and forms, insurance, tax papers, house papers, bills, car papers, inspections, fees, all of it. But I didn't have my marriage licence to prove my name changed from what was on my birth certificate *TWENTY YEARS AGO*. So I come back with what the state gave me when I got married (keep in mind this was MORE than enough for the SS admin, DHS for my passport, and 3 other states I had lived in since being married) and they told me that was a marriage CERTIFICATE, not the licence. At least this one told me had to have not just the licence, but a notarized version of it-- that matters because the stare I was married in charges more for a notarized copy. So I go home and call the registrar for the county I was married in, and pay the fee to have a certified, notarized copy sent to me and get told it will be another two to four weeks to get there since they never send those out, no one needs them! Meanwhile I got pulled over by an officer for going 5 miles over, I proceeded to tell him just EXACTLY why my DL was taking so long (and thus not matching the plates) and he basically just said well make sure you do it as soon as you can and forgave the speeding. So 4th afternoon I'm sitting in the DMV for hours after having made an appointment for that morning, the clerk finally says, "It looks like everything is fine, except this bill is too old, it's not from the last 30 days." I said wait, this says that you have to have 3 proofs of address, the house contract, insurance papers, and the car registration have my address, why don't they count? "Weelllll the insurance and house do but the car registration can't count, you have to have a bill or government correspondence from teh last 30 days, too." Finally I said well the envelope they sent my marriage licence in has this address and is post marked last week and since I had to pay for it, that counts as a bill AND government correspondence. I'm not sure if they just acquiesced because they saw the light in my eyes and knew I would go full Karen by this point if or if they figured I'd be fast and easy to finish up thereby improving their numbers. But I maintain to this day that since you have to have an ID in Texas to vote, this is their way of trying to keep women (who are much more likely to change their name) coming from out of state from voting.
@@blackpearl9504 OMG I had the EXACT same problem, add to the mix, I also had a passport that had expired the day before and had lost my Social Security card that would have for some reason worked for ID. Oh but the best part, It wouldn't have been expired when I first went to the office, but they closed early for a baby shower. When they refused the passport I pointed out that they would have accepted it less than 20 hours before had they been open their normal hours. This caused me to have to go to the Social security office the next day and wait in line all day to find out that I had to call in for an appointment before arriving. Called in and found the next appointment was in a week. Got there the next week, after half an hour at the desk, I was told that they would mail me my Social Security card in 7 to 10 business days. It arrived after 3 weeks. Went to the records office to get my birth certificate, and THEY would only mail it, a week later it arrives, get to the DMV waited 6 hours in line to find out that the birth certificate didn't have the embossed stamp thing so they couldn't accept it, went BACK to the records office, and found out the only one that could stamp it was the one who was having the baby shower, and was now on maternity leave, and they would have someone around in two weeks but only on one day for half the day. Got there, then was told that I couldn't use the printout I had, because They didn't have control of it the whole time, so I had to order AND PAY for another copy which they printed right there and she stamped it, BUT FOR SOME F*CKING REASON could not hand it to me because it had to be mailed to me. Fast forward 2 weeks I finally get my ID after another 3 hour wait at the DMV. And the greatest part of it all was that it did not renew my licence, I had to come back in less than a year to renew it. FYI this was in 97.
@@blackpearl9504 In Canada you can always get a birth certificate if you know where and when your parents were born (or an incorrect guess that seems like something you could believe as my dad didn't answer the phone the day I needed to fill out the form and told me 3 days after I mailed the form that it was wrong but the certificate still showed up).
@@mewmew8932 Yes, a lot, if not most, bases I have encountered over my multi- decade career in the DoD have the Pass & ID office right next to the gate, but not all.
I had a similar experience with my ID. We had to jump through so many hoops to get it and then the person doing the ID put the wrong expiration date on it and I hadn't noticed so it expired on me. So then I had to jump through so many hoops to get back on base to get another ID.
I have lived this scenario so many times. One in particular was with my Wi-Fi carrier. I was literally screaming and tearing my hair on the other end of the phone, debating with the manager who was still clueless about my issue. And I'd spoken to so many other people before I even got to him. Good lessons learned. Like: it doesn't help talking to the wall.
You know, it's actually kind of comforting to know other people have experiences like this. I swear this kind of thing is almost a daily occurrence for me.
I wasn't in the military, but when buying cigarettes at a gas station while I was waiting on my new driver's license in the mail, I used my expired one for proof of ID, and the cashier refused the sale because it was expired. I was like, "Dude! It's still me! All the information on it is exactly the same as it was yesterday!" People don't seem to realize that, at least in civilian life, an expired driver's license is still a valid form of ID. It can't be used as a license, but for identification purposes, it's just fine to use.
It's hilarious, predictable, and avoidable. In Basic Training I actually did carry a razor on me just in case I was near a sink in the afternoon and could get a quick shave in out of sight just to avoid the DI's random stubble check for 5 o'clock shadow.
I died laughing! It was the same hootenanny when I went on base to get a new ID card... Twice. Luckily, they did not ask me to shave any part of my body because I am a woman.😂
This is funny, but true. I tried to get my dad's covid vaccination record (we didn't think we would have to deal with a pandemic for three years, so he wasn't careful to keep track of it). Phone calls a few days a week for two months, and so many hours on hold, I finally got a volunteer to listen to my long story of why we still hadn't been helped. He waited on another line for an hour and told me stories to make the time pass. He finally got someone . ALL I had to do was print out something called an R.O.I. Well, we mailed that in, and still nothing. LOL. Anyone that has to deal with the government, I feel for you.
I had this happen to me too! I had just gotten out, & was registering on base as a veteran spouse. They wouldn't let me on base bc my active id was expired, & nothing matched my spouse yet. That was a very long day.
You've hit the nail of my life, on the head 😅... when I tell crazy stories like this stuff that happens to me people are like seriously you can't make this up
I just resigned from a defense contractor this week to go back to the commercial world, and this was exactly my experience with every single military base I had to go on lol “is this your first day in the army?” 😂
When I explained the bureaucracy like this to a civilian from another country, he said, "wow, so that's why Americans go and sh oot things up. You just go crazy from all that stuff."
@@TrulyJuju123 I do have PTSD but I think my comment was more of a joke. I did find his story funny, However, if I actually had to jump through all these hoops again, I would have been yelling like a Karen in a viral video.
This reminds me of the day my wife and I had to get our marriage legally registered in Mumbai. The good thing is so many people get married that it's a well documented process with checklists at every stage. Even if you get every step right, it still takes around 6 hours - you're literally going from one place to another in buildings within walking distance of each other for most of the day! When we finished, we treated ourselves to a fancy steak lunch :D
Dude I get you. I still get texts for Mary Kingsley from the local Army Arsenal. I haven’t had that last name for 7 and 1/2 years nor worked for them for 4 and 1/2 years…. Never have I figured out how to stop them.
Hey Ben, Here's a fun note. I've been a Reservist for almost 20 years. I only shave when I'm drilling or on orders. At least 2/3 of my ID pictures have been taken with facial hair, at a variety of facilities. If you aren't in uniform, that's not an Army rule. The ID card guy just wanted to mess with you.
Yep ... Gotta love Military Florida man... especially in Jacksonville 😖🤦 Retired strippers!!!! 😂 BTW.. Target is literally a stones throw from the base tarmac... Always made me nervous!!! 🤪
This is the plot of 'Catch 22', I believe ;) (But yeah - in NL, even a civilian expired passport can be a problem. I had that happen. "My passport is expired." 'You're not allowed to NOT have a valid ID, sir...' "I know, that's why I'm here." Thing is; they force you to leave your expired ID while you wait a couple days on your new one (because it's expired, and that's not allowed). And they give you a flimsy piece of printer paper as evidence that you are the legit person to pick up the new ID... ya know.. instead of the waterproof, tear proof document that you had in your hand before... And if you lose that... you're hella F'd. Because then.. even though they have your picture, and took your fingerprints... apparently there is NO WAY to determine that you are in fact yourself... No way... with fingerprints on file... ...and that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I had my first stroke at age 35 ;))
This is soooo accurate!!! My son in law was stationed at NAS JAX and we were going to the NEX and I forgot my license. So yea I know this. I can picture all the buildings you mentioned and have been to that Target down the street. This is absolutely hilarious but true.
Oh man... This was one of the best I've seen on Dry Bar so far. Well done sir, well done. Incredible story-telling!! Hope you got your mil discount on that ice cream. Much love & respect from Istanbul, Turkiye.
As someone who worked at the tire center, if you were to come back, I would have to say: your ID is expired, I can't accept this as 1 of 2 forms of identification that are needed, do you have your SSC or birth certificate with you. Not even joking, I've done exactly that
If there is a building solely dedicated to renewing expired ID’s…. a) there surely would have been some procedure for people with expired ID’s to get to the building!!!!!! And b) if the issue is so normal that they have dedicated a whole building to the issue then there would surely be a lot of traffic, which in turn means it would be fairly normal for people carrying expired IDs to be on base… Or c) some idiot forgot to put the building on the outside of the gates where it could actually be accessible!!!
This is 100% on point. In the future, Whenever someone asks what the military is like i will show them this. 100% legit...and it's not an isolated incident. This type of twilight zone occurs frequently while in the service
What? They never questioned the "mismatched face" when compared to the one on the (expired?) ID? They must have had a good day and been in a generous mood to mot question that.
Military ID. While in the Army in Germany before, "The WALL" came down between East and West. A group of Army Americans were crossing the border. My boyfriend and many others were forced to shave any facial hair to check IDs. Many had mustaches. So this was a funny reminder of that. He's hilariously funny!
Yeah... I went through similar, except I did not get on base that first time. I was in uniform and shaved. Didn't help. They took my ID, no offer of a pass (I'm thinking the comedian went though this sometime after I did and NAS JAX made an adjustment). Then told me I had to have an escort. I was not able to find one. Ended up driving back home to Gainesville and arranging for another day off work, a recruiter to meet me at the gate and get escorted to the Pass and ID office. An additional kicker is the building Ben went to to get a pass might well have been the old Pass and ID office. You know, outside of the gate. SO CRAP LIKE THIS WOULDN'T HAPPEN! The id card personnel, had they been outside the gate, could even have looked him up to see he was still under contract and eligible for an ID. I had no idea, until I got there, it was moved inside the gate. Good times, good times.
