On Mental Illness (and the end of Pizzamas) 

'I've learned that there is hope and that when I feel that there isn't hope my brain is lying to me.' I want this on a shirt. I want this on a wall. I want this emblazoned on my forehead.

"I find it difficult to talk about my own experiences with chronic illness because the central way we imagine sickness as a thing that we must conquer and then put behind us, doesn't really apply to chronic illness". THANK YOU.

"How you feel at your sickest is not how you will always feel." Needed this so, so much right now. Thank you, John

"my friends and family have known that I've been unwell the last several weeks because it is impossible for me to hide it from them, but it is very possible for me to hide it with jump cuts." Masks come in a wide variety. I find it interesting that that jump cuts can be one of them.

As someone constantly struggling with depression and anxiety, but without many resources to help, thank you for this video. It's bad enough having a mental illness, but to also have life experiences that support what your illness tells you (debt, unemployment, etc.) makes it so much worse.

"Most importantly there is hope and when I feel like there isn’t hope, my brain is lying to me." For a multitude of reasons, I've have a really crappie few months. This is the most helpful thing I've heard.

I also have OCD. Knowing that someone I look up to that is successful that has my illness helps a lot. It makes me think I'm not alone in this illness. Thank you, John, for talking about your illness.

"There is hope, and when I feel like there isn't hope, my brain is lying to me." Needed this for my depression.

"How you feel when you are at your sickest is not how you will always feel." Really though...remembering that can do *so* much for anyone's well-being. :)

I have an ending coming up. I cannot publicly discuss the details because of a promise I made, but thankfully it's not my 9yr old son (and it's not me.) I've had difficulty crying about it - which is weird because I'm perhaps too in touch with my emotions and cry quite easily. I think crying might make it more real and my mind apparently doesn't want to deal with that right now. I'm thankful to be a part of communities like Nerdfighters and a select few others on RU-vid. I've seen so many instances of people feeling like they have nowhere else to turn, pouring out their emotions in the comments, and for the most part the community coming together to rain encouragement. The ending I speak of might not come for months, or it might happen tomorrow. Either way, part of what keeps me going each day is knowing when it happens I'll be able to turn to some of you marvelous people for support.

I have loved all the Pizzamas videos, but this one touched a nerve. I am 51 years old and have lived with bi-polar/depression/anxiety since I was 13. Having yet to find a drug cocktail that works for me I manage without. There have been and will be days when I don't think I can do it for one more minute, let alone another year, another decade, but I do. For anyone out there who is dealing with this, day after day, and has those weak times (we all do) - YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Yes, it feels like it, and yes, your brain will tell you it's true, but it is not... not ever. There is always someone out there to take your hand and pull you through, but you have to look for them; they won't just fall in your lap; there are all kinds of professionals, family, friends, complete strangers waiting to be friends but you have to make an effort. Not on your bad days because your brain will tell you it's pointless and you'll be too weary to bother; do it on a good, or not so bad day. Pick up the phone and talk to someone, go to a clinic, look at the internet and find a group. but DO IT and never pretend you are ok because lying to yourself is not how you begin to cope. Wishing you all better days. DFTBA ;)

Holy crap! This makes me so happy and so sad at the same time! As a fellow OCD sufferer, thank you for 'coming out' about your OCD. Sorry to hear you've been having a crappy time of late but glad to hear you're back in a better place at the moment. I hope you continue to manage your OCD well and live fully and completely despite it. :)

Thank you, I very much needed this video today :)

John has always inspired me with how open he is about his mental illness and how awesome he still is. Whenever my depression is getting the better of me I remember that him and other people have made it through and if they can do it, so can I. We can be strong together and help each other through the darkness.

Thank you, John. I needed to hear this today. I struggle with both chronic illness issues and chronic mental health issues. This past year has been bad, and today in particular, I'm really feeling it. I'm low. Like really low. It's good to have a reminder the lowest points are temporary. It's easy to get lost in everything and forget that. I've had good, healthier times in my life, and I will have good, healthier times again. Thank you for reminding me.

Thank you SO MUCH for the phrase "There is hope, and when I feel like there isn't hope, my brain is lying to me." That was something I needed to hear.

I think we all know how hard John and Hank have been working the past few weeks. So I feel like today is the best day to appreciate them and how hard they work. VLOGBROTHERS APPRECIATION DAY!!!! Dear John and Hank(or Hank and John whatever) Thank you. Thank you for never forgetting to be awesome. Thank you for being wonderful people.Thank you for being so smart, and sharing your knowledge with us. Its hard to imagine how big the nerdfighteria community has grown. The thought of it alone makes me grin like an idiot. Scratch that. It makes me grin like someone who over time has learned that its okay to be overly enthusiastic about things that you love. Thank you for teaching me that. I am no longer embarrassed to be dorky, nerdy, and enthusiastic around my peers, and I have experienced the benefits of this confidence infinitely. You make me laugh even when I’m under a great deal of stress and I’m finding it hard to think about anything other than the stress. You make me look at the world with a whole new set of eyes. Eyes that sees how others feel, and eyes that care about problems in our world, and want to help fix them. You helped me develop a strong passion for learning that without it, I would not be passing my classes with 90s and over. This is a thank you from my friends too. Not all of my friends know who you are or what you do, but they know that I have been better since I joined this community. Being a nerdfighter means to be kind. It means to be enthusiastic. It means we imagine others complexly. We look at people, and wonder how we could make their day better. It means that in stead of being made up of blood, cells, and organs and stuff, we are made completly out of awesome. And while a vast majority of nerdfighters may not think they are “cool” or “popular” its not true. I now see that these words have no meaning. What does popular mean? Halloween weekend I threw a party. In planning this party I tried to avoid causing any drama. I invited this guy in my math class who felt like he was not very popular, because I wanted to be his friend. He told me that he would never expect and invitation from the likes of me. Confused, I asked him why not, and he said that I was fairly popular. This came as a shock to me. But then I realized that everyone has a different opinion on what “popular” or “cool” means. This guy saw popular as someone who is widely known, but I disagreed with this. What if I was widely known for the wrong reasons? So I began investigating. I asked my friends what they thought popular meant. I found my self either completely disagreeing with all of them, or being completely disgusted of what it meant.So thank you. For being the coolest people ever. And I mean in a good way. You earned your cool by being good people, not by doing what others wanted you to do. Thank you for showing me that is possible.❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ If you are a nerdfighter and you are reading this, reblog and write about how John and Hank changed your life, or something that they taught you.Show them how much we love and respect them for what they do:)

Thank you, I've been trying to "get better" after nearly a year with depression and I've been getting mad at myself because often I don't feel better and I'm supposed to be "over it." I'm really not and I probably won't ever be but I can live life to the fullest even with my illness because of who I am, it's not "getting better" it's deciding it won't stop me anymore. Thank you so much for helping me realize this.

I've got terrible social anxiety. It only affects me when I leave home or think about leaving home. Its gotten a little better, but it got really bad at one point. I would actively make excuses to get out of doing things I really wanted to do. "Oh, that movie I've been looking forward to seeing for a year is coming out! I should probably stay home and not go."

The comments on this video and the ratio of likes to dislikes is why I tell people I'm a nerdfighter. I love this community.

Thank you, John and Hank for making me smile on an almost daily basis. With everything that you do, create or even just help me to better understand, I just smile, like an enthusiastic person should, because even with all of the serious things that get talked about in videos or in the comments, I think that we as a community learn more than we could have ever on our own. So thank you so much and OH MY GOD IT"S BURNING. DFTBA

Thanks John.

"And most importantly I've learned that there is hope and when I feel that there isn't hope my brain is lying to me." ^ that. That right there is the thing that keeps me going 99.9% of the time.

I have really enjoyed pizzamas. I live with 3 chronic illnesses. Severe atopic eczema, fibromyalgia, and major depression/anxiety. I have been trailing a new medication for the last three weeks (Imuran) which has progressively made me more sick with nausea, vomiting, and diarrhoea which I stopped yesterday as I couldn't physically force myself to take anymore (disgusting story that no one needs to know). I have had to give up my job two years ago due to the combined effects of these illnesses. Slowly my world has become smaller and smaller as people have dropped off the plain of my existence. I am left with two amazing daughters who work hard to encourage, physically help and provide love and support. I am in hospital approximately one week in every month, with only my girls visiting me now. What I have found is that people don't want to know about chronic illnesses, it's embarrassing to have something that can't be fixed or that has highs and lows.

As someone suffering from probably rather severe depression (I am not in treatment) and someone who has people in her life suffering from rather severe depression I want to tell those of you who don't know how to deal with people like me that the best gift I can think of to give to people like me is normality. I don't want to be treated like someone who's constantly about to fall apart. If you for example expect the same from me as from any sane person, you make me happy. If you tell me I'm being an egomaniac because you think I act like one and you feel like telling me that, you make me "happy". When a friend of mine tells me that she just spent the last couple of weeks in a mental institution I have no problem callinh her the next day asking for help or advice if I need help or advice and am confident that she might be suited to help me or give me advice. I actually once visited her in that facility (she was better already) and let her pay the food I ate there and complained about my sister and asked her for advice. Because it is normal for me that when friends meet and have lunch together, one person invites the other. Sometimes it is person A who pays, sometimes person B. She once told me that SHE is the one having serious mental problems and that anyway I ask HER for help. She wasn't angry at me for doing so at all, she just was aware of the (apparent) irony of the situation. She found it rather funny. I answered her that I ask her for advice "although" she is the one of us with the bigger problems because I know that she is still able to help me with my problem I can't help myself with. That I need someone with a different perspective than mine, someone who has made other experiences in life than me. And that I think that she can offer that other perspective. And that I really don't think I'm doing her any harm asking her for help. She agreed with me.

As a person with OCD I am always glad to hear people speak about it in this way. People act like it just means being organized, or that its easy to control, or that it's quirky and cute. The reality is that it is serious and lifelong, but manageable.

I have Aspergers, which has anxiety and ADD as a symptoms, so I deeply appreciate these kinds of videos. I've been unmedicated (save for vitamins) for several years because none of the medications I tried worked for me. Thankfully, I've learned ways to work around my attention problems as I've gotten older, and found things that help me calm myself down from anxiety. Like music. I keep a playlist of calming music on my phone in case it gets out of control. It works like a charm.

"[...] telling myself over and over that this mood would pass. I knew it would. It always did. But oh, how the waiting sucked." a quote that i try to think of whenever i feel like shit again

I have social anxiety and I'm trying to work on getting better. But it is the most difficult thing in life!

Thank you. I needed this today.

Rare video gems 💎 like this are what keep me going. Your open and articulate discussion of mental illness is so refreshing to hear. I returned to this video many, many times when I was severely depressed and struggling with mental illness of my own. Today I released my own video on mental illness, it was incredibly difficult to make, but videos like this made it manageable. Thanks for blazing the trail John 🔥 you're an inpiration. Much love from Canada ❤️

Thank you for making this video, I've been at my 'sickest' for several months now and I'm trying to get out of that hole, but it's so difficult. So thank you, for reminding me that I'm not alone and that things do get better.

I have OCD and anxiety. Seeing you talk about this means a lot, thank you so much!

I sincerely hope you get some small bit better soon, John, and thank you for sharing your experience. Good on you for speaking up on such a misunderstood issue. Good luck.

Thank you, John, that was a very nice and, in a strange way, comforting video. My deep sympathies for your current struggles, and good luck with finding the new balance in your life.

I really needed to hear this, now more than ever. Thanks

Thank you for being so enlighting, kind and emphatic. Thank you for being you.

I've been dealing with depression for about eleven years and anxiety for most likely my whole life, though I didn't recognize it for what it was until about six years ago. It wasn't until about two years ago that I started opening up and talking about it for the first time--I started a blog (which I didn't tell anyone about for a long time) where I could just talk about my experiences and my bad days, and slowly, I started telling friends what was going on, how my depression and anxiety worked, and when I was having a hard time with it. It's been the single most important part of learning to cope, and it shouldn't be as scary as it is. I imagine if you're in a more high-profile position where more people can see or judge you, it's scarier. It's a huge moment of vulnerability even to tell my best friends "Hey, I'm not doing so well lately, please be patient with me." And I really haven't been doing well the last few weeks. It's really refreshing and comforting to see other people talking about mental illness as a thing that is (1) a real illness and not just a weakness or a temporary emotion and (2) a thing which is okay to talk about. So thanks for that. (I commented on my first vlogbrothers video yesterday and my second one today. I've been watching for like four years. Look at me go!)

Thank you so much for this (and for the links). They have been a very important source of hope.

Thank you so much for this. I really needed it right now

I've been diagnosed with chronic depression, situational/social anxiety, and misophonia. Over the past three years, it's been very hard. I'd lost interest in my grades, my hobbies, my friends, my hygiene - everything that made me who I am. I saw multiple therapists, to no avail, because when I try to talk about my illness, I can't speak. I physically can't make a sound. I developed issues with self-harm and body-image. I found comfort in food and then hated myself for eating it, causing me to gain weight more and more. Eventually I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. At that point I was seriously considering suicide. A few weeks ago, I finally visited a psychiatrist again. Because of the severe anxiety that school gives me, I'm now in homeschooling and on medicine to help me feel better. It's been two weeks and I already feel so much better. Thanks, John, for talking about this. We all appreciate it. And to anyone else struggling: get help. It will get better.

Dear John, Thank you for making this video! I too struggle with OCD, and was diagnosed with it, and bipolar depression coupled with anxiety almost a year ago. My partner and I love your videos and live together now with more support from his parents! It's been a difficult journey for my adolescent years, and now I'm hoping to be a able to go back to school ie. college as soon as I can! I had to leave school because of complications in medicating, and symptoms. My partner's support has been instrumental in being diagnosed and cared for during the hardest time of my life! I'm glad there are people who support you and that you have an amazing creative outlet like Nerdfighters and Crashcourse (which I LOVE SO MUCH)! Thank you, fellow fiction writer! Keep taking care of yourself! You have a brilliant mind, but an even more brilliant heart! Love, Lillie

John i needed this so much. Thank you.

I really needed to hear this today. Thank you. ❤️

"When I don't feel there is hope, I know my brain is lying to me." Somehow John rewording my thoughts and philosophies usually sounds better than my original wording.

I think we'll all agree that if John ever feels the need for structure and achievable tasks we would welcome Pizzamas in July.

Thank you John. I needed to hear this today.

Thank you for posting this John... Really needed it

I wish I had jump cuts.

I love you guys!

I really needed to hear this. Thank you

Thank you so much for sharing this. It gave me a lot of hope.

As I'm going through the comments, it's become very clear to me that many people are benefiting from your video, John. I'm so glad to be a part of a community that can be supportive and open with what they are struggling with without fear of being made fun of or belittled. The nerdfighter community is something quite special and I love all of you. Whatever you are going through, please remember people in your life care about you no matter what your brain is saying. Reach out to someone you trust whether that be a friend, family member, or professional. It will not only improve your health, but it's possible that your friend or family member is going through a tough time and they need help as well.

this video is super old but here i am in 2023 freshly touched by it. I gotta say, the acknowledgment of the chronic nature of mental illness is something i don't think we're seeing much in society at the moment and I wish there was more of it. it is a very scary reality to face as someone with mental illness, the fact that you'll never be 'cured'. but the truth isn't so bad when you look at it and think about it. as you say, it's still possible to live a rich and fulfilling life. there are recessions, ebbs and flows, ups and downs, good days and bad days. I think refusing to acknowledge the fact that mental illness is forever perpetuates the idea that its impossible to live a good life alongside it, and that just leaves people feeling hopeless and defeated. personally my life got a whole lot better once the goal shifted from being 'cured' to simply taking and enjoying the good days. every once in a while I still need a reminder that depression is something I'm living with and that bad days will happen sometimes, though. this video was that for me. thanks, john.

I needed this today. Thank you

Thanks for sharing this John

I never really leave comments except for the p4a but this video means a lot to me as a trans girl living with depression and anxiety. It's kinda comforting knowing someone who I look up to and hope to be like is dealing with the crushing weight of mental illness and getting through it, despite it being really really hard sometimes. So thanks :)

Newest Hallmark Card: "I hope your life isn't controlled and forced into destitute by your incurable illness." I love making jokes about my mental disorder.

Thankyou John! Hearing someone I respect say its real means so much

Thanks for sharing with us, John.

Liked the video even though I am sad that I wouldn't see you guys on a daily bases anymore :(

John, thank you so much for making this video. I know you'll probably never read this, and that's okay, but I would be remiss to not at least attempt to thank you, because the impact you've made on my life is immeasurable. I'm a person that suffers from chronic illness both mental and physical, having a progressive genetic disease called cystic fibrosis and also suffering from chronic depression. A few years ago I came across TiFIOS at a time that I desperately needed some form of hope to cling to, and reading your novel and then discovering Nerdfighteria was one of the steps in my finding that hope. That's not to say that I'm suddenly okay, but with the impact this community has made on me and my world view, at least I've been able to believe that someday I can be. This video meant more to me than most videos do, because it touches on something that most people don't understand, and something that my whole life basically revolves around: It's Not All About Getting Better. Yes, I'm sick. Yes, I'm dying. Yes, I have depression. Yes, I'm alive right now. Just as alive as anyone else is. Alive enough to love, laugh, cry, dream, have friends, have fights, be young and stupid and reckless and grow and learn and make mistakes and act my age and not be your bs inspiration all the time and LIVE. I shouldn't have to hide the sick parts of me all the time just to be treated like a person. I shouldn't have to downplay my disease and I shouldn't have to disguise my depression. Thank you for helping spread this message, because it's so important. Kill the stigma surrounding illness, and let us just live.

This has helped me so many times. Thank you :)

Thank you for sharing John!

Goodbye Pizzamas :( And, more importantly, thank you John. For this video and all others.

What sucks is even people in the mental health medical field don't care much. ER physicians are just as overworked as ER psychiatrists, yet an ER physician will still go out of their way to treat you, while a ER psychiatrist ... depends on their mood. If they don't feel like dealing with you, well, welcome to the psych ward! Enjoy your stay while I don't address your problem for a week, then send you home because "there's nothing that could be done". And if you go see a psychiatrist outside of a hospital, it costs thousands of dollars. And the uncertainty of mental illness (it's no one's fault) is even more frustrating, because if you're not "cured" in the next couple of weeks, everyone gives up on you and you're on your own and out of who knows how much money. I know there are some good therapists out there and I'm not shitting on all psychiatrists/psychologists. But it sucks to have to deal with this, without any good result for years.

Really needed this today thank you. ❤

Thank you for this video. So beautifully put, all of it.

well said. thank you :)

I hate it when someone says youre so brave. It bothers me. Like, Im not. Brave people are people who have a choice and chooses to do something they are afraid of. I have no choice. Im literally like everyone else who goes through problems they didnt choose to have. They are not being any braver than I am. But I'm probably just rambling. I ramble.

Thank you for this, John. I really needed this this week.

My OCD disappeared completely when i went vegan. Just something to think about. DFTBA

Thank you for sharing your struggles. Have you heard of To Write Love on Her Arms? it's a great non-profit that helps people who struggle with mental illness, depression, addiction, etc. also the founder, Jamie Tworkowski, is a fan of yours :)

thanks john for this. it really help me right now. i have been dealing with a lot of anxiety lately and hearing this was nice. thanks.

I can't even count how many times I have returned to this video since its upload, thank you so much for sharing this much-needed message of hope and a feeling that I am not alone

"to be is to change"

I wish more people understood that mental illness is forever and you can't just will yourself to feeling better. It doesn't work that way. If only the stigma could be erased and more people could be educated on the subject. I hope you figure out meds John, I know what it's like to be in the thick of changing it up and it's no fun.

Thank you. I can't tell you how much this video has helped my outlook on my own mental illness

I needed this. Thank you

Huh. I found Alaska, but I didn't know I was looking for it. Is that always on the wall? Funny how brains work...

anxiety + panic disorder is my Mt. Everest. and I'm gonna climb it.

oh my goodness - i needed this so much right now

This video was one of your best. Thanks for your honesty.

i had no idea john had ocd

How about instead of 'get well', we say 'get happy' huhhuhu?

thank you for bringing up this topic!!!

I needed this so badly today.

...not just poop... also fat and carbon dioxide.

I again needed this today. 2 years after I first needed this. ❤️

Thank you, John, for being so vulnerable and open about your personal life with us. I find that when people like you take steps to be real about your personal realities, it makes it easier for people like me to deal with our personal realities. My reality isn't fun, like you, I am living with multiple chronic illnesses, mental and physical. Some days suck, some days aren't so bad, but all days are better when I am reminded that I'm not so alone in the battles I wake up to every morning. Thank you, John.

Thank you John, I needed this.

Thank you for making this video!

Thank you for this, John. It makes me feel not so alone in the endless battle that is mental illness

i really needed this right now

Thank you so much for making this. I have OCD and it's great to see that you can still be smart, functional, and happy despite the illness. So thank you, I really needed this😊

Thank you for this John.

Thanks for this! I appreciate your honesty!

Thank you for this John. It's something I really needed today.

What a friend you are John- what a great inspiration!

thanks for this video, it's something I really needed this week