One Word That Neutralizes A Critic 

narcissists and sociopaths have to always be correct. The fact you disagree with them implies you have access to knowledge and information that they do not. By simply disagreeing with them, you're accusing them of being ignorant. They work hard to create the illusion that they are above you, and you've just accused them of being below you.

I’ve found that these types of critics are simply projecting their own faults.

Respect for this powerful word OKAY. Honestly, I think this word doesn't only neutralize critics by the narc, but resolves possible issues in communication with the narc and the most important - OKAY could get us rid of the narc. Dr. Carter, thanks for this useful word - OKAY!

Awesome, I've also found, "I hear you," diffuses them. It doesn't say, "I agree," but it does deflect unwanted attacks.

You’re channel changed my life, even if I’m still struggling with malignant controlling people in my family. Thank you so much

Thank you for helping so many. As an empath I never knew how to shield or disconnect from narcissistic people. God bless you sir 🙏❤️

I finally had to cut a close friend out of my life, we were friends for over 20 years but I was so sick and tired of the constant little digs. I thought why does this person even want to be friends with me, I obviously always fall short of what he sees acceptable. He wondered why I stopped talking to him and being around him but I never said anything, I just cut him out of my life, and I like it better that way

“Okay” = acknowledgement without necessarily agreeing.

I can think of two words and a hand gesture I like to use with them but they're probably not appropriate to say here. The second one is YOU. 😆

I say, “I prefer to focus on the positive”. Works every time.

"You are obviously ignorant of my many other faults or you'd have pointed out those as well."

Doll I love your advice. Everything you say I agree with 100%. I survived an alcoholic abusive narcissist. For 25 years and I was crippled and couldn't run away or walk. I underwent a 20 hour back surgery and couldn't walk for a long time. Apparently I'm stronger than I know and I escaped him and divorced him. I win. Philadelphia USA

Just say, "I can explain it to you but I cannot understand it for you", and run like hell!

This helped because I worry a lot that I may have some narcissistic tendencies because of the victimization I experienced growing up. When Doc said healthy people don't sit around conspiring to show others their superiority I thought about that and was able to recognize that it is not in my nature to plot to appear superior. I am pretty much an ok type person and so I feel better!

My father’s response was similar: “You’re probably right.”

I noticed that some narcissist will always interrupt you when you are speaking. Even if it is a conversation between yourself and another individual. I assume it's because they hate to not be the center of attention, and they literally have to make everything about them. It's quite annoying to say the least. Someone could be asking you a question, but they will respond as if someone is talking to them. Before you can even get a word out. Again they are miserable people that don't have a life. And they hate to see anyone have any kind of peace or joy within themselves. It is sad really.

I thought it was “whatever”. But you can put the two together: “ok, whatever”.

Great advice.. works every time.. "Okay.. whatever"

N asty A cidic R epulsive C razy S elf~absorbed Need authentic divine love source but they must subject themselves by submission to the one authentic source ... For recovery [✓] ...

Rational reasoning unfortunately doesn't work with most toxic people.. walk away, stand your ground. Sometimes saying nothing, says everything.. no disrespect..PEACE LOVE..

This is exactly what I have done. Okay. I know what you're doing, I know how you think. I think differently. And that's okay by me. Okay? (It drives her nuts! Because she knows she's lost her (perceived) hold on me)

OMG.... My mother is the most negative person EVER! And I can deal with her, but I hate it that she's doing it to my 10-year-old to where I had to tell her a couple of days ago that I won't stand for ANY criticism of my son.

This is really powerful and peaceful. The narcissist I am dealing with wants to share every opinion and criticism he can. Sometimes I go for thank you for your opinion. Or that’s very interesting. Any word that can’t be up for debate. Also remember no is a complete sentence.

I learned to flip the script: "why are you so insecure?" That shut it down.

This 'okay' gave me peace, because now I know that my brother's 10 years old daughter will manage with her narcissistic parents, because I have seen and heard many times how she says just that answer to their emotional garbage. Thank you!

Okay. I'm completely neutral. Not gonna play your toxic games. Great one dr les!!!

I guess it's: "Okay."

Thank you for this piece of advice, I hope it's going to help! The point is that we should not engage in the narcissist's downward spiral. I know it's useful, I've tried to avoid such conversations with a family member who loves criticizing me each and every time because of my hobby. I love animals in general, at the moment I have cats and she takes every chance to emphasize using a special intonation: " I DO NOT like cats... I just love dogs..." So: "Okay!" (But anyway who asked her opinion?...)

Another one is “you could be right”. Look at the response on there face 😂

Thank you! By simply acknowledging their position it puts me in a rwspectful neutral zone.

Love this Dr & his cool Dog. 🐕🦮🐕‍🦺

The most important part of this video is the end. Live a life of character and integrity. We all make mistakes, we all struggle, but in the end if you are focusing on living a life of integrity and seeking wholeness within yourself and not blaming others, it’s been a good day week month or year!

The goal must be neutralize our tendency to obey the narcs, feeling bad about their words, feeling the need to comply them or trying to discuss with them or giving explanations.

When any helpful alternative opinion is called "criticism" you are dealing with a narc. Or some sort of sorry mother f'er.

They never pass on an opportunity to put you down and point out your flaws. But they totally overlook any accomplishments. Funny that!

Here are THREE WORDS…Bless your LITTLE heart❤️

I know a narc that criticizes "Ad Nausium." Unfortunately, out of all the men out there, I married him! I was sitting at the dinner table last night, I asked him to do something tiny. He made me the issue. Called me all sorts of names. Like a teenager he made comments implicating me. I walked out of the room. One cannot imagine the condescention, the mean spirited approach, the criticality that is Non-Stop towards me. I am inclined to pack my things up & leave asap. I can't even be around him anymore. He is so angry all the time. It's not my task after 10 years to resolve his anger.

I'd like to say that this video was helpful for me in many ways. Firstly, it helps me with my hyper critical brother. I am already working with my therapist on this and she gave similar advice. Critics will be critical. Secondly, it made me take a deep look at my own propensity to criticize. I come from a very critical family and so I have a lot of negative behaviors from that environment. This video reminded me that when I do find myself being critical, it is almost always because I feel insecure about something. This tells me that I have more work to do on myself. Like you said, we are all a work in progress. I welcome change when it is positive. Thanks again ❤❤

Oh my gosh Dr. C!!! My psychopath mum used to drive me crazy she could never SHUT UP while a movie or TV show was on. It really used to make her mad when I always solved the Wheel of fortune puzzles before her!! When I LET HER SAY IT FIRST she was so proud of herself!! Like she BEAT ME!! I get it.. they have to WIN!! It's pathetic!!

Thank you Doc, I draw so much comfort from this video and listen to it several times a week. Everything is OK, Everything is going to be OK, It is OK, It will be OK, I am OK, I will be OK. For me.... OK is quite the goal, quite the comfort as I grow into my new distinctive self. which is certainly.....OK

Best video ever 😆😆😆😍👍OK !!! That is exactly how I handle my neighbor .. she always right , always willing/ desiring to fuss ..! Lol 😂 She is 70 , I am 60 .. I knew she was crazy when she told me follower her !!! I was screaming laughing inside ..where we both going but to the graveyard!! Lol 😂

Than you for all your videos. They have helped me so much. There should be relationship classes in every school. Might help to avoid a lot of pain for a lot of men and women.

When my narcs suggest I do something his way and I don't agree, I just say "okay" and still do it my way.

I prefer: a friend of mine says you’re wrong…

My nephew says, "Okay, boomer," whenever anybody criticizes him.

I like OKAY much better than saying ‘whatever’ (which has a dismissive tone and is a word the covert narc used with me in his attempt to invalidate my concerns and feelings). He just recently threatened to end the marriage for the umpteenth time and this time instead of trying to reason with a perpetual emotional manipulator my response was OKAY

I find saying “right” at the end of each sentence, and also the okay. Okay is also great as a response to an apology

I read somewhere else that ‘whatever’ is a good response but in this context I think it means the same as ‘okay’.

I'm confused at the moment because I already watched this video, or it might've been a simliar one, earlier on, which means that I know the answer. I won't cheat though! I found it again to write a comment, then saw that it's back to a premiere. I'm thinking that it might have something to do with being in another country. 🤔

I listen to you and take notes. I read key points over everyday to ingrain responses and non-responses. You are a blessing.

Thanks Dr C, another great video. What a great mindset 'OK' .... takes the struggle out of it all. 💜

I think saying “okay” is agreement, would prefer another word to use

"Okay" -Forest Gump

I just love Gus. 💕💗💕💗💕

Okay , Thank you , wow , hummm, yeah, head nodding and some facial expression works for me too.

So true... being the big fish in the small pond inside their head!

My response is similar to the difficult people in my life. I respond with, "I see". The "okay" response has been viewed as my agreement with the inappropriate accusations. "I see" shows acknowledgement but not agreement. It keeps me out of the narssists web most of the time.

Sometimes I watch videos like this and I think to myself how nice it would be to be abe to shut someone down by standing up to them, or just saying "okay." That they won't turn around and throw your stuff away, or tell lies about you to other people, or basically destroy your life. How nice it must be, to have someone who isn't perseverant, who lets go of things, who moves on. My mother threw away 100+ year old family heirlooms because "I left her" for a few months to go to school. She rearranged my room. She once dated a widower; she threw out his late wife's items with no warning, because they were "old." She rearranged an entire cabinet of his favorite things that had been put that way by his late wife. Where is the advice to deal with people on the razor's edge of committing actual crimes (things that would BE crimes if they weren't related to us)? Why are 50 people told to change their behavior for the ONE person who is a problem??

"unnatural ideologies" I've definitely encountered that. They give advice or explanations in ways that is just not how the world works. That's how they decided it works, but they aren't dealing in reality. I'm not sure if that is what he meant, but that is the experience it brought up for me.

I have found that simply leaving the room is the best way to communicate with a narcissist as there is no response that can empower them and lead to argument or ego engagement. Any verbal response is a form of engagement, which is the opposite of what I would want to do with a narcissist, so leaving the room works best, for me.

At this point I'm here for Gus as much as the content. ♥

My teen does this to me lol its effective. Its her being assertive sideways. Its a calm boundary!

When I would say "okay" my mom would get even angrier and yell, "IT'S NOT OKAY!" So uh. No.

God values all people. No one is beneath or above anyone period.

Play this video when the controller is in ear shot. Boom.

Thank you, Dr. Carter! Your dog is so cute. 🐶

Okay is the casual version of what I use when things heat up: duly noted. As another here mentioned… I hear you… is another neutral response.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

Loved this video..thank you ❤️

'is that so?' is a response I've been adapting as of late. interrupts their program. it's more likely to cause them to go within and consciously think. at least that's the attempt. 🙏

I probably say... "OKAY..whatever " and retreat behind my boundaries... Anybody's think is it a good idea ??

💯... while saying "okay" in my mind & just trying to ignore & go about my own way, that would infuriate dad because he always wanted all to stop in our tracks & have him waste hours of our days. He died last July & beasts in him went into mom. She's "miss betty" now & ✂️ me out of her life forcing me to realize the 49 years that I wasted. What you are saying, I've been told while sitting in an office being counciled. I wish that I had actually listened all those years ago. For some sick reason, I thought that I could fix her life that he destroyed. She was his diamond 💎 that he crushed into dust before he dropped dead. 🤢 I believe my TRUE FATHER gave her that dementia on the left side to help her live with his abuse because she would never leave the god that she served by planting her cross to serve him. 🤲😥 I am educated now. I've been in my motorhome & away from that 5 acres for 6 months now & in a big town in southeast Texas that's hit hard with this new bug going around. 🤢I can't stomach getting out into the world right now. I came from the country, a place that felt safe with all this death & darkness around me. It's like 2 plandemics. The one my dieing alcoholic narcissistic abusive dad planned for his exit by having the last word by leaving no will & nothing for his codependent wife to survive & throwing her on my shoulders to bare. Then this plandemic that has me afraid of getting that will prove that I was never meant to build a happy life that I have never in my life known. Anyways, I apologize for saying too much.

Wow, thank you for this!!!!

"I know you are but what am I" With all due respect, doctor Carter, in this case the "critic" individual comes from a land far far away..and it's called.....RU-vid :-) Mirror Mirror on the wall..who is the most critical of them all.. In a previous episode you used a second first word to disarming a toxic person. This "One" word that neutralizes a critic (narcissist, toxic, personality disorder, controling etc.) u used was WHATEVER. Further down in the comment section u used the word "Okay" as a reply in a posting. And later on in the same posting made a funny statement using your dog Gus. Okay is used to neutralizing a critic also the word Bingo..But or butts...anywho..i can see..the..real..You....Tube

how can he see...how nobody thought him...HE IS what he does, says, thinks, not me nor anyone else Funny is that he made pretty words and nick names for own behavior: sudden aggresiveness-sparky, drinking-royal and unique quality of taste for expensive bear, rules for women-Christian rules, breaking all the time own rules-flexy

I just saw a tee shirt that said..."A wise man once said... Nothing"🕊️

there is a Tuber who absolutely drove a scammer nuts by simply answering OK to every email.

I already knew this one, figured it out through trial and error😅 good advice Dr C. It always throws people off when you agree when they expect you to argue.

I was raised by a father who probably was a psychopath. The standards up to which he expected me to perform ever since my early childhood were inhumane. And the punishments for the failures as well. Nothing was good enough. And guess what, I became a perfectionist with a very harsh inner critic. That inner critic not only points out my shortcomings constantly but those of others as well. So, due to the psychopathic abuse, I became the kind of criticizing-everything person described in this video. As I can't turn the inner critic off, in order to at least cut down on its constancy, I've stopped having any relationships at all. I don't like to be criticizing. But even if I struggled to keep my mouth shut, the way nothing is good enough... keeps being pointed out within me. And to a perfectionist, others seeem to be failing even more than the perfectionist themselves. 'Cause under the threat of punishment they've been conditioned to pursue extremely high standards with everything they do - unlike normal people.

Thank you for your time and effort with this video. I appreciate your education!

I tell people on the TV how they're living their lives wrong too - but usually cos it's Judge Judy, and it's cos they're usually the defendant, and they're the lowest forms of life....

Shrugging shoulders and saying “ I don’t know “ or “maybe “ really pisses them off.

As I see it, criticism is injury every time. Even subtle criticism. People are different. One cannot characterize or reduce anyone. Its just not real. I used to criticize and realized I was criticizing only myself all the time. And also, avoiding addressing my own programs or psychological blocks. Now, that is not the same as saying what you feel. That is diferent. But once being critical is not an option, because it teaches absolutely Zero about anything, one has to figure out our own feelings and self. I have found that the more atuned I am with my own feelings the less need to define or evaluate others or project my sense of incompleteness on fhem. I respect people more. A lot more. Regardless of what “I think”. Value them where they are, even and especially if we differ. Also, I do not accept criticism from others either anymore. At all. If I see it coming, I stop it and walk away. I am more and more aware of my inner critic snd I love and accept myself freely. It has changed my perspective on others too.

They're not willing to come to terms with their inner demons because it's too painful of the fact that they are unloved and their life is a mess because they're not right with

This OKAY strategy is definitely good. In my experience it has caused the narcissists to become agitated,even angry and accuse me of being competitive with them. Once that happens I say OKAY again and disengage (don’t talk) . It infuriates them but it does disable them. Thank you Dr Carter for effective advise.

Most effective when you shrug your shoulders 🤷‍♂️ as you say it.."okaaay!" ..denotes a "a don't care mindset or non issue" n this really irritates the narc or the critic further.

Last time I saw narc sister who was on a roll assuming control of something that was none of her beeswax, I said, ok, knock yourself out doing that, in a very bored I don't care what you do tone. She was furious but has to pretend in front of mum that she actually cares about me, she had her hands shoved into her pockets and steam was coming out of her ears, because I wasn't caring about all her self important 'rules.' I still don't understand why she thinks she owns me? Can you explain the ownership and possession thing they do please? Unfortunately she sexually abused me when we were growing up, which I have only recently admitted to myself, and am wondering how common that is with older narc same sex siblings? Also, she dresses like a man, looks like a man and behaves like a really really angry man, no offence guys. But she is way stronger than me when she is in a rage.

When I respond with "ok" then the counter response is that I'm condescending. I know it's bait to continue down the crazy making rabit hole. But, it is difficult to turn a blind eye to.

The left picture on the wall looks very much like my hometown Regensburg(Castra regina). With the "steinerne Brücke/ stone bridge" in the front, 100% my city. (: Greetings from Germany.

But the noise of it. I just get tired of it.

These aren’t smart people so how about what part of leave me alone don’t you understand? Sorry you are so lazy you have to live off of others. But I’m ignoring them restraining order Eder and camcorder if they come close and journaling harrassment

OKAY works wonders. I have a malignant narcissist hanging over my head and I was scared to use it today but I did because she was forcing me to engage. It worked! she accused me of being too far gone and called me disgusting a few times and that was it. Thank you so much!

¹⁴sept: when mine accused me of not 'listening', had to assure them that i 'heard' them. Because l̲i̲s̲t̲e̲n̲i̲n̲g is processing what you h̲e̲a̲r̲d̲ and at that point i had enough.

Well intended "critical"(alternate) info and narcissistic criticism are two different things.

I used it today in my car she could care if I'm suffering said it upsets her. . she never dated s d she hasn't filigrredd out the world used me. I was up early ready to drive her be ause she refused to learn to drive thirty years ago... She Lords over my financial lic.. She says I. Not right almost offered to section me.. A d I voiced that but if she even tried I'm so done driving her to work .its not fair to me and she's k owing I e Ber. To hell and back. Its all about her Catholic views and her repu lican friend who she is a fool for

Okay... is infinately better than 'Yes"... because too many Yes es turns you into a henchman, or an enabler, or a lost an confused person who isnt living their true self.

If I had a dollar for every time I said 'okay' to him just to get him to shut up, I would be a very wealthy woman after only 2 years. I have my own apartment now and he will still try to control and argue and give lectures to me. But now I do not have to listen anymore.

I understand also works in my case, especially when there is rage involved. Heard but not agreed with but also not minimized. They have a right to their feelings but I won’t give them the right to take them out on me.

Now that's a pretty shirt and a pretty smile and a shiny face and a comfortable back setting 😋

I’ve found these types of people are hard to please and are never satisfied with anything. Chronic complainers.