Opening Up About Childhood Sex Abuse | Ryan Gadsby on The Tom's Talks Podcast 

I'm 77 years old and experienced a similar upbring. My parents had 5 children, 4 girls and me. He wasw an alcoholic and would come home drunk, try to have sex with my mother and she would kick him out of bed. He would then come into the bedroom that we three youngest shared and climb into bed with my older sister. I finally realized that he was molesting her and told my mother. This was back in the 1950s. My mom had five kids, she struggled to get my fathers paycheck before he spent it in the bars and there were no social services as they exist today. She did nothing. Then he started climbing into bed with me and sexually abusing me. Realizing that mom was not going to help, Ii took the abuse. When he started trying to get into my younger sister's bed, I would sacrifice myself to keep her safe. This went on for several years. He eventually stopped with me and my younger sister but continued to molest my older sister. I would tell my mom when he did it but I think she was just grateful that he wasn't raping her instead of my sister. Both parents are dead now and, to this day my remaining sister refuses to admit what they knew was going on. The sister he abused had a very sad life, constantly finding herself with older men who abused her. She died a few years ago from kidney failure due to alcoholism. The young man in this video and myself are, sadly, not exceptional in that there are many, many victims out there who for many reasons are unable or unwilling to tell their stories for fear of betraying their family secrets. My heart is with you Ryan.

So brilliant to see two guys talk about trauma in a very compassionate space.

What a brave man. The epitome of a warrior in my eyes. These are the type of males I like to surround myself with. What an inspiration.

I have a similar story. However I dissociated while they were sexually abusing me. So for many years I didn't exactly know why I felt the way I did about them. Then at 32 flashbacks started happening and thankfully I got right into therapy and discovered that I had D.I.D. which I was in denial of for almost the next 20 some years. I've been in therapy most all of my adult life and have learned a lot that I wished I'd learned earlier. Things like self esteem and confidence, but they've been steadily coming finally. It's a journey I had no choice in, other than choosing to get help. Which I'm glad my younger self did and stayed with for now 37 years. Just wanted to share that it does get better. Still healing, still discovering, still here. Thank you for sharing yours!!

My father would use me as a punching bag and I was about 8 years old. He would beat and punch me so hard I was seeing stars 🌟. My only defence was to stop talking to him. Sometimes 2 years would go by and not a single word communicated to him. He was a monster with my mum. The whole family is truly dysfunctional and not communicating with any of them. I haven't cried a tear since he died. If the family was asked what life was like when we were young they all say it was wonderful and fun.they even deny the abuse to this day. Good luck guys ❤

“You took my little boy away from me & for that, you’re gonna pay.” I kept hearing this phrase over & over while watching this video- & it was the voice of an uncle who abused me first sexually then physically. Come shortly after the 30:09 mark of this video I had to pause. The first time Ryan stated his abuse went from sexual to physical & verbal, my uncle’s voice & statement kept going through my head. I began to recall sessions w my counselor, feeling confused about why he became physically violent & disgusted w me whereas he treated me more favorably & lovingly during the period of my childhood years when he was sexually abusing me. I remember the confusion I felt, trying to make sense of why/how things changed like that in his treatment of me. My counselor theorized that my uncle’s resentment of me which led to him becoming physically violent towards me was that I hit puberty & started maturing. It made the most sense considering that this started during the time I returned home after being out of state at a boarding school for two years. My mum sent 3 of us away at the suggestion of a friend of hers after my dad’s passing. My uncle was very active in our lives. I just remember not being able to understand why he was so emotional at my send off only to be disgusted & hateful towards me upon my return. I have to wonder now if such was the case w Ryan. I’m sorry just felt I needed to comment. Going back to the video now & will log off afterwards.

I work as a trauma counselor and with men with childhood sexual abuse survivors. This man is very articulate and explained grooming and how pedophiles work so clearly. Truly a great interview.

Very brave young fellow. As a survivor, I'm 68, my abuse started around age 10. You will get stronger over time.

Both of these lads are such an inspiration, so humble and transparent, it's almost like two distant friends catching up an putting it all out there, the feeling of saying it out loud can be phenomenal, trust me, I know

That was unreal! Huge respect to Ryan for sharing his story. Feel very emotional listening to that. So can't really verbalise my thoughts only at the moment to say what an incredibly brave young man he is to be able to turn the darkness of his trauma into light. . I thank God for his healing and wish him peace and good things as he navigates his future. . As you say Tom, Ryan is incredibly mature and articulate particularly for his age. An incredibly raw account of abuse, manipulation and the repercussions of trauma so very eloquently conveyed 💙

What an incredible young man. His openness and honesty will help so many others in the same position and hopefully stop others from being there in the first place. To make something positive out of such a terrible experience is really difficult and I’m so glad that he’s still here with us and living his life in such a productive way.

I went through that kind of abuse. I am gay was not old enough to know I was then. My shame and self loathing was because my body reacted to the stimulation. Hated myself and felt like my body betrayed me by reacting that way. I assume you’re both straight. People in my life tried to convince me that being gay was a result of my abuser. I told a teacher who told a cop. He’s still a successful wealthy man who was married to my mother and nothing happened to him. It was great being a young gay boy in the 80s. I was the locked up seriously. How much proof did they need

Such an articulate young man, inspirational the way he has survived and thrived after such horrendous abuse.

Thanks for sharing your story i believe you really help other young men experiencing this.

Healing in its many forms can take time, but this lad is an example of healing and a beautiful example of resilience. Being resilient is being strong inside. Blessings!

Such a brave, compassionate, intelligent, young man! I can’t imagine the trauma. This video and conversation is so important and I hope it gets more than 10,000 views! Great interview. 🙏 ❤

This is such an important conversation. Hopefully it will be seen by someone who is in a similar situation and state of mind as Ryan was on that final life changing and saving day. It should be shown to law enforcement trainees and social workers.

Tom...your responses of compassion and understanding in listening to this wonderful young man is spot on. Just wonderful.

Wow. Amazing talk. Completely compelling. I've never listened to a conversation like it - clear, concise, evocative, truthful, emotional, heartfelt... Thank you, guys, for sharing. This is strength, this is the basis for real role-modelling. You're the personification of power, I'm humbled.

Thank you for sharing about your PTSD I suffer pretty much every night and every morning and wake up and cry for a couple of hours and try to get some more sleep and then I don't want to but I do I don't want to wake up again because I don't want to go through the process of crying for a couple of hours again and getting my brain to start working on something else that I need to do and get done instead of weeping and making a full body towel soaking wet with tears. I found on my own that I tried to block out some memories that were very painful and somehow that worked yet the feelings associated with the memories and the facts remained and only became worse because I didn't know what was making it spiral so badly and recently I've remembered by thinking and forcing myself to remember recall what reality was instead of letting my emotions shape false reality.

Ryan, you are an amazing young man and role model for others. So brave and strong. Wishing you all the best 😊

Thanks for sharing, I can 100% know how he feels. I was molested by a family member when I was 9yrs old. Great story and very brave and touching.

Fantastic interview, and very powerful message . My mother use to say you never know how good your bad luck can be. ❤

Sending your guest hugs and love. I could not imagine.

Hi can I just say inspiring you are I was abused for 6 years by a family friend than finally got out thank you for telling your story xx

I so wish i had your strength, you're so strong. I find it easy to message or talk to a counselor over the phone about what I went through, which was similar to you but in a way i brought it upon myself because i was working the streets to feed a drug habit, the most violent of the situations still haunts me and it was somebody i didn't even know. You were hurt by somebody who should have cared for you, somebody i assume you loved as a family member. I can't even begin to imagine what you went through, the confusion, the betrayal, i hope you continue to heal. You really do shine and glow despite whats happened to you ❤

What a mature lovely lad. You really have an amazing head set. What an amazing person you are. Think you talked better that than the interviewer!

Ryan, thank you for being so open, vulnerable and sharing your story. Tom, thank you for sharing as well. I hope that this video reaches many viewers. I was sexually abused by a close family friend from ages 7 to 11. It only stopped because my family moved away from that area. It's been a long road to recovery, especially when you're raised to suppress your emotions as a male. To not do so was considered a sign of weakness. Blessings to you both and your futures 💙

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm 64 and I was born gay and it was a hard road still is but I've always said at least I didn't get sexually abused when I was a gay child I always looked to like the Bible does say look to your brother he's probably got it a lot worse no children should have to look at devastation and think oh mine's not so bad it's a terrible world we live in but there's a lot of good people in it we've got to change the world and make it a better place for all of us. Your secret can make you sick and I'm proud of you you doing the right thing do not be ashamed you have nothing to be ashamed of. The only way to stop the monster says to tell our stories.

You're a very brave young man.

I'm so sorry you had to experience such a horrific act by your step-father. But, I am also so happy for you that you had the courage to finally speak out. I'm glad you are sharing your story in hopes of helping others before it's too late. Bless you.

Ryan is such a brave young man to tell his story and I wish him all the best for the future

I think you are an amazing young man RYAN GADSBY . very strong and the wisdom that you share . Its like this is your purpose in life is a strange way.. Take Care and keep up the good work mate..

This is difficult to watch, such a horrific experience for a child to endure at the hands of one of the people they should be able to trust unconditionally. It takes a very brave man to speak so openly and in such unvarnished detail.

Thank you for sharing your story. i admire you for speaking out. well done you

By calling email "edge of the bed" Doing this takes the power out of it. I too am a survivor of sexual abuse 2 years old - 8 years old. It's very hard for anyone to live or want to live with their abuser being on them after you out aged their perversion

Thank you for sharing. I am so proud of you for helping others. I am wondering how your Mother has coped with this. She is a victim as well. I know this broke her heart.

What a wonderful person you are! Through all your pain and grief, you have grace! Just as Jesus has unlimited grace toward all who believe in him, you had grace towards a sinner! And, you seem to have forgiven yourself! God bless you!

I remember watching a documentary and they did brain scans on pea-dough-files and they all had something on the front lobe of their brains.

Never leave your small child alone with ANYONE. I was abused by a playmate when I was 6. He was like 4 to 5 years old and obviously was abused by someone and then repeated the behaviour on me

Devil always work close to home

💛💛💛 dude you are such a man

I'm incredibly sorry you went through this Ryan. It's horrific. I could be wrong but has it occurred to you that what you thought was love for him was in fact Stockholm syndrome? Given the abuse and the emotional manipulation and abuse it sounds like it could be quite likely. Anyways, thank you for sharing your story. You're strong and courageous inspite of what he put you through.

By helping others and reliving your accounts all the time do you really still move forward? The reason I asked yes I was abused but in a physical way, not sexual I just kind of related to some of it, but I don’t relive it.

feed back from Tom wow

So what happened to this young guy?

Interesting that he said he initially felt sorry for his stepfather. I do wonder why abusers abuse those they deem to love. I suppose it's an illness or an addiction or something they can't stop. I reckon many abusers detest what they do to other innocent people. I personally would forgive my abuser because I would see them as vulnerable. But we're all different. Some people say they want to do harm to their abusers but me personally , I don't think I could do that. I would want to move forward and leave the past and the abuser behind me and try get some sort of psychological help from therapy.

12:12 - 12:17 the fuck?

I think he is lieing

EUROPE RIGHT. ! 🍀