My partner has this and it is so difficult to get them help. They function well and even highly in other areas of their life so it is impossible for them to believe that they are the ones that have the problem. This has destroyed our lives. 😢
I had to leave my partner because of this. I loved her more than anything and I still feel so sad thinking about this 10 months post breakup. But nothing will make them see the light. You will continually feel misunderstood, unseen, and like you are walking on eggshells. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.
Jealousy is such a wasted emotional drain in my opinion. Having been cheated on early in life several times I asked my husband to just be honest if he was interested in someone else to just tell me and move on. We agreed and we have been together for 36 years. I refused to even think about this subject and it's given us both such freedom to live our lives trusting not in fidelity but open honesty even when the words were things we didn't want to hear. This works for us. Negative emotions are very bad for your health.
jealousy is a natural emotion. when it's damaging to oneself or others is when it's a problem. You describe the traditional marriage: Don't ask, don't tell. That's what makes a marriage last.
@@TheOneanjel respectfully, I completely disagree about the don't ask don't tell part and just like anger or rage, jealousy is a very negative emotion.
@@walkinlight3380 people who think any of those emotions are negative with no wiggle room are numb. Any biography of a great life begins with rage including Ghandi.
@@walkinlight3380 and trust me when you tell someone that you're going to just trust them until and unless they tell you otherwise they're just not going to tell you otherwise. It's classic don't tell don't ask
This is helpful, I suffer from this & it’s very useful to know it’s me who has the problem and not them. I think with this self awareness I hope to be able to control my intrusive thoughts & know it’s all part of this condition. & stop the bad habits that escalate these feelings
You and not a single other other Othello woman in the world -- they know nothing, they admit nothing, but they k*n*o*w. I am home all the time, but I am somehow cheating.
This is very accurate. I recently separated from my husband just two months ago. He suffers from Othello syndrome. I can relate to every single word said in this video. After separation he started posting videos on RU-vid about how unfaithful I am/was etc. He’s completely obsessed with this. On the top of things however I also think he’s a narcissist and he has a huge alcohol problem. Of course he blames me because he says he’s drinking to cover his suffering because of me cheating. Bullshit. He tortured me mentally for many years and finally became physically aggressive and actually almost choked me to death. So these people can be really dangerous. They never admit they have a problem of course so you cannot help them because they never sick therapy. If you’re married to one, run away before it’s too late.
I'm very glad you managed to leave him. I also had exactly the same sick person as is said in this video. It was hell and unfortunately after many many years I remember it as clear as it was yesterday. They all seem to be "manufactured"in the same factory. Narcissism and alcohol + drug abuse + domestic violence + it was all my fault. Wish you all the best for the future!
Wow I delt like this is exactly what I'm going through. All of these issues started 9 months ago and I think it's due to him taking adderrall and it's not helping him anymore. In fact it's made him worse. He put up cameras and hid them, so he doesn't see a clear picture. He calls and asks me who I'm with. Like our kids dumbass. He's definitely a narcissist. All of out problems are my fault and he's the one that's tortured. I don't think I can put up with this for years. Lately hes thrown fits when I dont want ro be intimate and it must be because I am with someone else. I'm home 24/7 with our kids. There has never been anyone else. Just tonight he left because where he's been seeing things on cameras, he thinks I have someone sneaking around and hanging out in our house and theyre out to get him. He didn't feel safe, but left me here with our 8 and 2 year old.... but I should be fine because according to him, if someone is trying to break in- they're after me. I couldn't make this up!!
My ex would never want to be corrected. If she said I was being unfaithful then she was right, no matter what I said or proved her wrong. Toxicity to it's worst everyday of my life she was deteriorating me a bit more until I couldn't take it anymore. Had to gain strengths and stop fearing. Because that's all she wanted to represent: A nightmare to my life until I woke up and left her.
My ex when we first got together would accuse me of looking at other women or fancying work colleagues, would check my phone and had to have email access, I thought she was just incredibly insecure and very paranoid, I had nothing to hide but with hindsight wish I'd had boundaries cos things only got worse.
I have been going through this for the last 2 years, the last 8 months he has completely lost the plot, completely delusional. When I left him 8 months ago because I could not take it anymore, he went psychotic.
same here except it was for about 10 months and then he abruptly left, but the false accusations were so traumatizing. I never even spoke to the person he decided I had slept with! 😢
I was obsessively jealous, as I was told with first husband, he divorced me, I found out how many affair she had had, married a few years later and have never been jealous. It wasn’t about me, it was I was given reason to mistrust. 10 long years of it.
My brother is jealous like this over any relationship with our mother. He hates for me & my sister to have any kind of meaningful relationship with her & he'll do whatever he can to sabotage it. He's literally told us that she doesn't love us like she loves him & that he knows she gave birth to us but she is HIS MOTHER. Him & my sister are twins 🤔 She isolated him so much and put him the role of " man of the house" when he was about 7 yrs old somehow they've developed a very strange very dependant on one another relationship. It's hard to process it and impossible to understand. My brother is so emotionally crippled he's never been able to have a relationship with a woman . He's 48. He's had girls in & out of his life but he only sees them as a means to an end. If they have something he wants he'll stalk them and pounce on them like a wild cat skillfully sneaking up on it's prey until the moment is right to pounce & over take them. And my mother has viciously hated these women. It's been sad and confusing to watch throughout my life
my brother was the same with my now deceased mother. i was the outcast between them and was bullied by both. i believe my mother molested him from an early age. he had many unsuccessful relationships and would never leave someone but they left him. he would stalk them and was arrested for breaking a restraining order. he ended up marrying a woman who is the spitting image of our mother in her way of thinking and treating people. she had made it a mission to alienate him from friends and fam. we haven't spoken for 10 years. I'm fine with that.
yikes, thats' a bit twisted. It sounds like you bro and mom are one-co-dependent narc. cycle. Sam Vaknin did an excellent talk on that flip flop cycle in his recent posts.
This is the first I've heard of Othello syndrome. I lost my son 5yrs ago. I believe his girlfriend of 9 years had this syndrome. Although my son death was ruled a suicide. I have so many questions than answers. She had behaviors that I ignored, only because I respected him. A week before his death I had a conversation with him, on bad she was. If I would have known that was going to be last conversation I was going to have with my son. The outcome would have been different. She is so toxic. I wonder if this behavior followedi her to the next relationship?
I'm sorry for you're loss. This makes me think of a Cold Case file where a man was suspected in his wife's death & during the investigation another woman came forward saying her sister died under suspicious circumstances with the same husband years earlier. The guy was eventually sentenced for the 2nd wifes death and though they couldn't prove he killed his 1st wife, her family finally knew what had happened.
My boyfriend has periods where he is like this. He believes I cheat on him with one of HIS coworkers. Based upon our Facebook online statuses lining up. (Me and other man aren’t even friends, on Facebook or in real life. We’ve only met a handful of times at work events) So there’s no real correlation. Only my boyfriend’s perceived correlation. It’s hellish when he disappears for days at a time, thinking I’ve been cheating. I love him dearly because when he is good, he is really good. But the accusations suck and I’m not that kind of person so it’s painful to have my character/ goodness questioned so much. It feels like my value is diminishing with every episode. It’s gotten the point it’s really starting to wear me down. A couple particular incidents involving the accusations have left me with deep emotional trauma that I’ve had to bury, as well. It sucks. He’s never been violent or scary about it, though. Ugh
This happened to me, yes with HIS coworker that I’ve never even met. He abruptly left me but not without threatening me. Had to change my locks and get a security system and yet I cry everyday because I miss him and this cheating NEVER happened. 😢 so I feel your pain.
My wife suffers from this and it's no laughing matter. While the episodes do not happen everyday, they creep up and manifest in acute, rage-filled events where she becomes a whole different person. We've been together for 30 years (married for more than 20) and for the last ten years during these episodes she has accused me of sexual affairs with most of our friends (I should say former friends, since the relationships have been severed because of this illness) including both the male and female partners of the couples, with my work partners, with clients, and even with her own father. When she gets revved up, there is no way to escape the strength of the delusional illogic, since it is almost impossible to disprove a negative. Currently, we are separated, as the last episode led to her calling the police and telling them that I was poisoning her food. If you are in such a relationship, be careful. The threats perceived by the jealous spouse are so strong that they may lead to violence on their part. I have been punched, pushed etc., while my wife is going through these episodes. There's no substance abuse on her part, but I do believe there is something organic happening, almost like a paranoid schizophrenic. If anyone has a similar experience or could share resources, I would appreciate hearing from you.
I'm so sorry you had to experience that. I discovered this mental disorder today. My family is falling apart because the wife thinks there is an affair / infidelity going on. There is none. The obsessive episodes started with a late night message from a female coworker about the next day job. Has been married for 20 years. It pains me. The only way out is divorce and separation. No matter what I say, what I show to the wife. She won't listen or believe. She tried to hit me today. It saddens me, I hoped to spent my life with her. But now it seems impossible.
Hi, I am going through the same thing at the moment. It is very difficult and no fun. We just have a newborn too, I am not sure how we going to do. I worry this will be very traumatic for the baby growing up. We are checking in and seeing doctors but I am not sure if meds will be enough to fix this. By the way, how can I get in touch with you? email or whatsapp?
Yes! I thought I was alone. I just started reading and educating myself recently. This is my wife exactly, "While the episodes do not happen everyday, they creep up and manifest in acute, rage-filled events where she becomes a whole different person." She says she thinks about the infidelity constantly. (I have never been unfaithful) Married 35 years. I am not going to end the marriage. I believe I should give her the best care I can. I am wondering if I should show her these videos and information I have found? I think it would make her mad. We are seeing a marriage counselor. The counselor has recommended a psychiatrist, my wife is not opposed to the psychiatrist. I made an appointment, but, she thinks it is for my benefit. I originally thought I was the one being tormented, but, the torment is the same for her. We have endured 4 years so far. We have been in counseling for almost a year, the rage filled episodes have mostly turned into discussions. She will never believe I haven't had an affair. I am going to try and make us as comfortable as possible for the rest of our lives. Perhaps someone should start a support group for the accused. I can truly feel the pain for all of you going through this condition. I have read some cases where the delusion goes completely away and cases where the delusions have been managed to make a decent life. I pray that everyone out there would have one of these outcomes. I have been strongly rooted in the Christian faith with the knowledge that Jesus is God. This faith is the only thing that has kept me alive.
I hope this reaches you. I was In a relationship with someone who suffers from this. I'm not sure how long he had dealt with this before meeting me but it was several years and has gone untreated to this day. I believe there is schizophrenia and neurological and physical damage also involved. We would have a normal day, maybe go somewhere to eat and then a day or two later he would suddenly come out of nowhere saying things had happened at the restaurant involving me and the waiter who served us being in a restroom having sex and he comes in and sees us. He believes these things are real and will not hear otherwise. I was abused , had guns pulled on me several times in his fits of rage . Many of his dillusions involved sex and violence. He had a dillusion that me and his sister had fought. I told her about it and she even tried to tell him this never happened. Ultimately I had to get away, he is not willing to get treatment and he was unsafe to be around.
I think I have this. Something hard to admit to but ever since I got cheated on and stayed I’ve developed those symptoms. Wasn’t like this till it happened several times. Something said wrong can change my mood in seconds and I won’t be able to let it go until I feel the apologies meets my standards. It’s toxic asf but idk how to get over it and how to let him talk to women without me needing to be there.
Before my dad passed away he was definitely consumed with jealousy and delusions , my poor mom was always right there with him and it got so bad he thought when she went to the bathroom her “boyfriend “ was sneaking through the toilet , it was bonkers and heartbreaking he really believed it . Can’t imagine how stressful it was to be him
My dad has this too and it's making the situation in my home unstable .My mental health is not well because of this .Since these kind of people are mentally sick I'm even afraid about my mom's safety at this point):
I have been in this kind of relationship and life has become worse due to it. Immediately after marriage my wife wanted to know about my past which I thought was ok. But things started getting bad to worse day by day. At severest form I was needed to carry phone {on} continuously with me when at work and she would hear from other side what I was talking, what others were talking to me and themselves also. I was not allowed to watch TV, even News channel to prevent me having a look at females. She would follow me on GPS to know my route taken to reach workplace. constantly ask me why I got late even by a minute or two due to traffic. she would call on land line in office to check if i was really there, would make me video calls to see who is around me. Even after that I needed to speak everything on oath to clarify that i was not in relationship with other women. We had no relation as husband and wife because she feared I have contracted HIV and forced me to do test for same at least thrice. and when reports came negative, she used to say I must be using protection to prevent HIV infection. But if this thing kept aside, she happened to be very intelligent lady and nobody including my parents (leave aside her parents) would think that she was wrong somewhere.
I am trying to sort out the things. Its mentally draining the thought of separation specially from daughters, whom I am sure she won't allow me to meet ever, if separated.
Many comments on here seem mean and hateful towards people who suffer with this. And even encourages you to leave your partner w this. But as someone who struggles with this, has children and wants to keep her family together, because everything else in my marriage is great, I need hope I can overcome this. I hate struggling with this, I’m working hard to get help, and don’t understand where it came from. Sometimes pure logic doesnt always work in overcoming an issue. If I could use logic I would have fixed this by now because I realize it’s ridiculous to obsess about it husband admiring other attractive woman. But I’m not a bad person and love him very much- just need some help. So far talk therapy and DBT haven’t helped. Currently looking into other options.
😂 I am sure that most narcissists would not even know who Othello is while displaying this My ex was positive that I was talking to men on line as soon as he wasn’t with me I wasn’t even on social media but he reacted old apps and try to friend request me but I wouldn’t know because I didn’t use it I couldn’t even access my account m wow he was a piece of work
Hi Darren Ive watched your other clip on Pathological jealousy. I found it really helpful. Can you recommend any help for living with it, trying to save ones own Self whilst coping with living with other who has OCD, Pathological Jealousy, Othello Syndrome..who does not own it. I love your work.
My ex-husband said I was cheating on him said he had photos of me kissing the guy outside the gym which was far from the truth I was so ill at the time and Did everything to save my marriage but at that time I was too sick to do anything but what doctors gave me to build my body up from Autoimmune disease. I had memory problems at the time could barely get up the steps he said he had photos and me kissing some guy which was a lie. He was really messing with my head that’s when I knew that I wasn’t the problem all these years no one validated that I was being abused. So I stayed in therapy trying to fix me at the expense of my children being traumatized in myself and my family protected him to as he worked for my father. Now my oldest child is estranged from me more and more and I lost finances car house my daughter and realized that my parents had been on my Exercise my mom not anymore But my dad’s loyalty in line with him after my brother died he kind of took on that spot in the family
Sorry you went through all the BS from your husband children and your father. I totally understand why as I've just figured out what's happening with my family as well. Sounds like we've been been gaslighted by the people we loved and trusted. The deception and gossiping behind your back to attack your thoughts and feelings are unjustifiable and not being validated. You're the chosen one as a scapegoat in your circle. Love them and let God and Jesus be your guides and on your side. 🙏🏼
Im glad im not alone in this. Been with my husband for almost 9 years. Only married for 1. I thought when he quit drinking and we got married it would change but the the obsessive thoughts he had keep coming. Its gotten so bad he's just walked out on me and our kids. Im trying to understand what i did to make this happen. Ive always been faithful so its so hard to understand why hes doing this.
Mom did this every day for 2 years after dad was caught having an affair. So many videos on a narcissist who cheats, but nothing on when a parents cheats "on" the narcissist who also is a drinker. One huge red flag was seeing dad come home bleeding from his forehead one time
I need help ! I have Othello syndrome and can’t find anyone in Utah that even knows about it. I m loosing my 29 years marriage because I can’t think about my husband looking at others it kills me please help
How are you now sis? Are you getting better with that? were you still awared that you have Othello syndrome? I was surprised cause people here share that patients never know that they have a mental disorder.
Any link to narcissism? Going through some of your vids, my ex appears to be a narcissist. But she also had a very jealous streak. Totally unfounded as I have never had extra marital affairs. Nor even kiss anyone except my (soon to be ex) wife.
Narcissists are very prone to jealousy in many forms. They also often believe others are jealous of them. Plus, when they feel jealous they tend to react in aggressive and toxic ways
Othello syndrome is often confused by layman with narcissism, because narcissism is so well-discussed on social media and has similar behaviors. But with Othello syndrome the intense need to control is based only around the love interest or partner while a narcissist controls people in an entire or whole way and seldom shows their anger, jealousy or resentment until it is time to manipulate someone with it.
@@TheOneanjel both borderline and narcissistic disorders involve issues with jealousy / envy. If what I said originally didn't make sense replace "jealousy" with "envy".
My wife thinks that every mutter that I make is some sort of sexual desire for a woman and I have to immediately repeat that mutter out loud, although I may not even remember what it was. I work at home, I don't go anywhere, but of course there are vast numbers of "whores" whom she believes desire me. At times, I have to walk in public bent over with my head facing down lest some woman cross my path.
I can relate with it. she compelled me to take car reverse without looking back, otherwise I could watch some lady behind. Once I met with a minor accident due to this when taking car out of parking. When in park or public space, or theatre or hotel, I had to look at my shoes to avoid getting "caught" watching a lady of any age- 5 to 70 year or over also.
As a literary scholar, I do not agree that Othello's problem is jealousy. Near the beginning of the play, Iago describes Othello's fatal flaw, namely, that he believes people are as they appear to be. When Iago then tells Othello lies about Desdemona, Othello remarks that Iago appears to be an honorable man, therefore, he feels compelled believe Iago's lies, never suspecting his true motive. Is there a name for people who suffer from this delusion? If not, there should be!
I would agree it’s not an accurate description but it’s what it’s now commonly known as. I think the nearest modern colloquial term for Iago would be some who gaslights others. He also triangulates, which ends in tragedy
This really isn't about Othello. Othello is just the name given to the condition. This is about a very real condition and hurting people. I would not have understood the torment and misery 5 years ago. I understand the hurting of all these people now!
I got a name for this kind "Narcissist" and i think its a cultural curse-side effect. Sawry to say, jus see some cultures teaching this type of attitude.
