To anyone whose parents express a desire that you be "normal," just admit it to them you are not normal--you are exceptional! Happy Pride, you two and thanks for brightening my day.
My wig was snatched so hard when I learned that Andrew is 39/40, but doesn't look a day over 30. I was floored, drop that skin care and exercise routines. Also, I commiserate with part of Meng's story. My mother also told me, after I came out to her, to not tell my father. And then she told him, without consulting or telling me about it after the fact. Then I was visiting home during like a spring break, and she told sth about me being gay, while my father was in the room listening to the exchange. Mama, when I tell you my heart stopped beating, and I momentarily died, and was resuscitated after a while. I was absolutely mortified. Still holding a grudge about how flippant she was with that. Thankfully my closest family is accepting, but still.
My final coming out was in 1987 as well. I left Southern California and drove to NYC. After I settled in I called to let them know I was OK. My father shouted “you can’t live in NYC. You’ll get AIDS and die.“ I didn’t talk to them after that.
One thing I would add is that - One does NOT HAVE TO rage out and be the butterfly or 'be themselves' and 'live the truth' 24x7x365/6. THAT is something that must be comprehended, especially by the younger ones and those who are priveleged in that sense that their lives allows for that and they can afford that. Or maybe their rebellion has justifiable causes for themselves. Which is absolutely fine! But that shouldn't be considered the de rigeur. We are all different individuals with varied circumstances and this endless labeling of 'straight presenting' or acting in a certain way being considered taboo. ALSO, I feel like we don't owe it to anyone to announce or declare. Those who know, already know. Those who deserve to, shall be informed. Or it invariably pops up in some random social interaction anyway. Unless necessary, it ain't something that should hinder genuine connections and relationships.
I think a reason I like this channel so much is because Meng reminds me so much of a friend I lost contact with when he returned to Asia. I might try to contact him again 🤔
I really love hearing your experiences! 🙏 Coming out is different for each of us and hopefully your stories will help someone out there also come out. Love you! 🥰
Thank y’all for this vid. Being gay is very difficult as we all know and there’s this song from the 80’s called Smalltown Boy by Bronski Beat and it sums up being gay or fear of…the vid/song helped me when I was younger especially when there is no one you could open up to about being gay.
My coming out was interesting. I heard all the horror stories of kids being kicked out for being gay. I was braced for the worst possible reaction. So, I sat my mom down and said, "Mom, I need to talk to you and you're going to want to sit down for this." First, she was like what did you do? I said, "Mom, I didn't do anything. I'm gay." Without missing a beat she said, "And?". Me: And what? There is no and just I'm gay. "And you're still my son and I love you." That was my coming out story. I have the school story and the rest of the family but, that'll turn into tl/dr way too fast.
While a student at Duke Ellington School of The Arts, I came out to my mom and she just said, "Yeah, I know. I thought you were going to tell me something serious..." 🥹 We laugh about that moment now 😂👍🏾
I came out only on my 34th bday, and was happy that my family, closes friends, and workmates accepted me for me. I just wish it's the same story for everyone.
It was such a fun video, guys ! I love our chats by the couch.. I feel like we are chilling... As the kids would say.. Thank you, mama.. For that.. For spilling :D But really, thanks for sharing.. It's nice to hear you talk about your coming out experiences.. It's nice to be reminded of how good it feels to have that weight off you... I'm in university in Japan studying Japanese. I've joined a lot of student circles to practice my japanese and meet japanese people.. They've been adorable.. but the one point that has been difficult is telling them I'm gay.. I've said it adnosium. I've said that I'm married.. A hafu friend even helped me say it again in perfect Japanese... and to this day they still would ask me if a girl is my girlfriend our address my husband as my friend.... It's so tiring sometimes.. I asked a Japanese friend how could I say it in a very clear way.. and he taught me : ゲイで、フランスで結婚した夫がいます。That has prooved super effective.
As someone who learned Chinese, it's the same way. My then boyfriend was always my friend. Teachers still won't say husband. He's usually my friend still to this day.
I lost basically all my friends and could never get new ones. Family is "ok" with it but avoid mentioning it. None of them came to my wedding and I have 5 siblings
Came out to my best friend in middle school. She was chill and we were tumblr buddies. Then I came out to my parents on National Coming Out Day in 2020, (after I moved back from college) because I was then already depressed about something else. My dad had a more difficult time taking it. But the rest of my story is pretty much like Meng’s: they keep asking for grandkids haha
Thank you guys so much for sharing your stories! This is an important conversation and everyone has such a different unique experience. My story: my parents found some sus videos on an old phone they were going to wipe clean and throw away. I forgot this vids were there! I was 21, I told my parents I was going out and would be home soon, before I could get to my car my mom was trailing behind and asked me in the middle of the street if I was gay. I told I was bi (still am), and she then confessed to finding the vids on my phone. She kinda freaked out and I had to stay an hour or so to reassure her that I was being safe, and that everything was okay. My Dad took it better than my mom. He admitted that he always knew I “wasn’t too crazy about girls”. He basically told me as long as I wasnt hurting myself or anyone else, what I did with someone behind closed doors was my business and my business alone and I kinda live by that. I know being gay can be a lifestyle and often comes with other things but to me it’s really been just a sexual preference. Eventually my mom’s sister’s son (my cousin) also came out and that gave my mom more courage to accept it more. We don’t discuss my sex life but my family is aware that one day if he’s worth it I may bring a guy home to them and they will be okay with that.
Thank you for sharing your stories. I loved listening to them. You'd think I would have come out at work the moment I moved to San Francisco but no, it took a few years until a coworker died from AIDS. Then I went around to everyone on my team and came out. Someone who wasn't directly on my team did stop speaking to me, except for one time when she was in charge of the United Way campaign for our floor lol. I thought of saying, "Oh, you're speaking to me," but didn't. I told my mom when visiting (she said "I knew you didn't like girls.") and she told my father after I returned home. He wasn't happy about it, but he was more hurt that I felt I couldn't tell him. He was eventually able to put it aside, at least until he was on his deathbed. But at least he stopped telling anti-gay jokes in my presence.
Always a great solidarity moment to hear other coming out stories, thanks for sharing these personal moments. Also good luck with the t-shirt business - you can call them ‘Tokyo Tops’!
Mama Mia, I sympathize for both of you for your coming out experiences bec it's nerve racking to have to go thru esp in the Asian culture where the "pressure to marry for grandchildren" is enormous! Fortunately, I did not experience a "coming out nightmare" growing up bec both my Dad and Mom already knew I was G-A-Y at the very tender age of 5 (loved singing and esp dancing and dolls!) - in short I NEVER had a "coming out" story. I was born and raised Catholic and went to Private Catholic Schools from kindergarten to university level. All throughout my Grade School and High School days, the teachers and my schoolmates knew I was Gay and I even had a boyfriend during my H.S. Senior Year! Although the whole school knew I was gay, I got teased a lot from my horny classmates with raging testosterones but rarely bullied. Now at the University level, it was a totally liberating experience bec I went away to the big city for college so I did not bother coming out to my classmates bec they knew. As for my neighbors, they were aware of my sexual orientation as well and I had my 1st sexual encounter with one of their horned sons when I was only 15 years old! YUM! Now as far as the American workforce is concerned, depending on the States you're working in, Sexual Discrimination is NOT tolerated at all - it's THE LAW here in the USA. Now Promotion is another Pandora Box if you're gay here although it should NOT be a factor for consideration. I started working in the State of California and companies there follow STRICT LAWS and Guidance on Discrimination. Additionally, an Employee can SUE the company for Homophobia or any form of discrimination. Being GAY is NOT a "phase" where one can just go in and out of or switch it on and off - it's biological; it's in our GENES. You were BORN GAY and no organized religion or therapy can "cure" that so be happy, hold your head up high and Be Proud in your gayness bec You Are Beautiful and Unique! Celebrate and Represent!
Love the topic of video today and I enjoyed the conversation you both had. I can’t wait for next video and keep up with great videos also happy pride 🏳️🌈
I enjoy your videos. I finally came out to myself in my early twenties when I was living in Japan. I was open with most of my friends. I wen5 back to Sydney Australia, snd lived with my family, which meant going back into the closet. Got to live in Japan again, and for a year and a half, I lived fairly openly, got a relationship, but it had to end when I had to return. Before I left for Japan, I began socialising either a group of friends very regularly when a fruit fly girl who was a friend from Japan came to live in Sydney. That was fun. A few years after my second time living in Japan, my mum asked if I was gay, in such a way that I could not say no. I had been asked by her before, and I always denied it. So I blurted out that I actually was gay. Immediately, I felt so exposed, having been dragged out of the closet. I was in my early thirties. She accepted it, although there was a time to get her to accept. My partner is Japanese, but his family do not know. However, his dad came and visited while I was away, and saw the sleeping arrangements. My room had the double bed, my partner slept on a folding bed. He twigged, and on his deathbed two years later he told my partner that whenever I came to Japan, I would stay at the family home. It doesn’t happen, but that is beside the point. I have made solo visits to Japan and met up with my partner’s mum on quite a few occasions. My partners sister moved cities and urged my partner to come visit her. And she said for me to do so, as well. That’s enough. I’m happy.
My fathers reaction to me coming out had some similarities to Meng. My father saw this as making my life very difficult, and was convinced I just needed to sleep with a woman and that would make me straight; I think he was also ashamed, though he would never say that. I still love him and after many years I think he has become more accepting of it as he sees me succeed in life.
Wonderful discussion guys which has elicited some lovely comments from viewers. Between Meng and Andrew’s discussion and comments from viewers there are many points of discussion for “us” in the LGBTI world. Thank you
It's super interesting hearing about everyone's unique experiences, always something to learn there! As a foreigner in Japan, I'm happy to be with a company that champion LGBTQ+ initiatives year-round, not just during Pride Month (lol). It’s great to work in an environment where many leaders are actually LGBTQ+ individuals, and qualifications/performance are what really matter. Identity bias doesn't even enter the picture when it comes to promotions or job offers, whether it's about gender, sexual orientation, or any other identity aspect - as it should be! :)
Sometimes the answer goes much further away from the question 😅 but I can relate to Meng s story but the difference is I haven't come out to my mom (yet). Divine timing. Keep going on and keep it real/chill which u guys keep doing 👍❤️
Wonderful stories, I was also lucky to have support from my family when I came out. But I remember at the time having doubts about being rejected by them or my friends.
Thanks for this great video, guys. 👏🏽I can relate to so much of what you said about coming out to family, and the challenges of being LGBT in the corporate world.
One thing I didn't expect was the grieving process over the loss of people who are still living. You don't expect friends and family to throw you out like the week's garbage, but it happens. And you do have to learn to let them go and let that pain fade away.
I was forced to come out because my brothers girlfriend kept telling everyone I was a lesbian. She was only half right. I like both girls and boys but in my opinion it wasn't her business. Even though everything worked out and my family supports me. She made things so difficult for me.
I came out with 37 and it went quite smooth, however it took some time to adapt and still does. Sometimes I regret things not having done which you do as a young gay person, but on the other hand I am sure I missed out some bad/rational decisions you do as a hormone filled teen. 😅 and there is no way to change it now anyway so I do the best out of it. Everything has its time and place. 😊
Being gay is a super power! To anyone worried that their road ahead is more difficult - it's not. It's freedom. Freedom from the norms and expectation that straight people impose on themselves - which often don't work for them either. You can have children and a family if you want, or not - and you'll be just fine! The friendships I have with other gay men are more intimate than anything I have with straight men and women. It is the best of both worlds! Happy Pride x
Very interesting! Lets just say I am one of those fortunate ones that didn't have to come out to my family because at a very young age (like 4 or 5) I already knew I was gay. So to really come out to my family and friends was not a problem for me. But of course as my teen years went on I became more open , maybe that's why I didn't have second thoughts of being a drag queen, but I showed my family that even if I was gay I was working and earning money for the family. But now I'm in my 50s I have mellowed down a lot and not as flamboyant as when I was younger. That's why hearing your coming out stories is very interesting because again,maybe I was one of those fortunate ones..... Happy pride everyone!
I had a big coming out at school when I gave a presentation on the theories and counter-theories of the origins of homosexuality and in the second part of the presentation I broke down prejudices. Two weeks later, I was elected school representative of the student council. And then later I had an unintentional outing on a TV show when my female co-presenter blabbed and announced that I was gay and that women weren't my thing after a female guest said I was attractive.
Even more scary than coming out to my mother was coming out to a much-respected work colleague who was a staunch churchgoer and reader of the Sun newspaper! I couldn't believe it when she didn't bat an eyelid.
I don't really have a coming out story, my mom understood it without me telling her, she just asked me one day "you like a new boy now, who is it?" That was the first time she and I talked about it. At my school people evetually understood it, many accepted it but there was some that didn't. I was bullied before I came out but after it escaleted so much I was afraid to go outside in the breaks (this was in secondary school).
It’s interesting to make a comparison to hiring or promoting women for a job that they would be denied or passed over because the management thought the woman would eventually leave to marry or get pregnant. Another way for looking at it is that your advancement should not be subverted because someone else has a family to support. You should be recognized for your work and accomplishments and not your family situation. You would be a preferred candidate because you don’t have any family obligations or responsibilities therefore one would assume you would be more able to concentrate on work and your career.🤔👍🙏
I remember when I came out to my Mom she was worried that I wouldn't have a full life....that I would be missing out. Perhaps this is something that people don't want to hear but, in my case this is how I feel now: I think Mom was right. I am now in my late 60s and looking back I missed out on a lot. I think had I been straight I would've had a better chance on finding love and it goes without saying that I would've been more accepted and maybe even had a more successful life financially and in my career. Now, I realize that I could've easily had the same outcome had I been straight .... Love, being successful, happiness....it's all a luck of the draw, I suppose. I don't regret coming out to my Mom back then, she was very accepting and her worries about my life was only her concern for my well being so I can't fault her for that. Perhaps my only wish is that once I came out I wish it would've gotten better....Like the saying goes, "it gets better"...I say "it maybe gets a little better". After all, it wasn't so much my parents' acceptance I had to worry about...it was other gay people.
I actually think coming out helps the career if one used to be quite introvert before... It boosted my confidence a lot - ok, that may be more a result of working in the core team of the LGBTQ+ network and suddenly having a meeting or two with the director of industrial relations of a by no means small company. But it did help...
my father passed away before i could come out to him, but i was outed to my now-deceased mom by my nephew after i came out on facebook. she said that she didn't care, but did bring up the topic of grandchildren. i told her i could adopt, to which she had such a negative reaction lol. plus she would refer to my bf as just "friend" lol
I came out 2 years ago (36 years old now) . I was in so much stress and overthinking alot but lucky all was well. For Andrew moment in mirror looking at himself i know and have those moment. Britney Spears - Girl In The Mirror would be a good background music though LOLS
Andrew, I am currently living in Korea right now and i've been working in my company for 3 years now and no one knows that I am gay and a few of my Korean co-workers have expressed their distaste for Gay people. It makes me uncomfortable because they are so nice to me and we have a good working environment except for those ocassional times when they say the don't like gay people. I may move out of Korea to Japan becasue I feel Japanese in general are more accepting of gay people than Koreans are in general.
> it is so interesting, how everybody's coming out stories are different, as different as our personalities - and i think that is why i never tire of hearing these testimonies - they put my own stories in context, sometimes with regard to the similarities, and often with the dramatic differences. you guys make an excellent point about coming out over and over again - new circumstances, locations, new people - it does get easier in part because each new time we approach it with less 'weight on our shoulders' ~ ~
I was 16 and I was dating a guy who was 10 years older than me my first love ever. I told my mum and she was okay for awhile but then she started to be a bit more overprotective which I didn't know why. She wanted to press charge my ex because I was minor ( which looking back yeah she's right though) however she didn't phewww. On my dad's side, we didn't talk much about it until these days. I guess it's a Dad thing? but I'm sure that they love and support me regardless.
In my case, I'd like to say there was never a closet for me, or that's what I thought until I had to come out of the closet because people around me still thought of me as straight (I live in a very bigotted area, and this was also many years back, when the bigotry here was even higher than it is nowadays). The reaction I got was kinda along the lines of "yeah, we already suspected it", so I guess for me more than coming out it was just confirming suspicions lol. It's sad that the unfair judgement and prejudices from others can make some LGBT+ folks feel regret about coming out and even feel guilty over being "different" when there's nothing to regret about being yourself.
After watching this great video, I'm just wondering if I have now a responsibility to co-lead the team at work, because I haven't come out yet? I didn't have that idea, because I didn't have any out coworkers.
People now days have a much easier time coming out now. I came out in 1978 after I left for college and that was the time when the gay movement was in full swing. I'm Chinese and my parents was from the OLD country. By that I mean my sister got married in 1976 to an American and my did didn't want to go to her wedding because she wasn't marring a Asian guy. The way my parents found out is when I left for college I sent them a letter from the airport letting them know. When I went back to see my friends a year later I found out that my Dad told them that I had died in a car accident a couple of moths after I graduated from high school. My older sister said that my parents never talked about it. I didn't see my parents for at least 4 years while I was in college. When I finally saw my Mom the first thing she said to me was that I could save my money and have a sex change. That was her way of supporting me. I also came from a very religious family. I think that If I had come out to them when I was still living at home I probably would have been force to go to conversion therapy. Yes that was a thing back them down in the south.
This is why you don't come out in early age because people will take advantage of you. I would say it's more accepting now but still...your mind and body is developing...as kid you want to please others and have hard time saying no. That's why I got no childhood trauma compared to so many other stories that you hear. I forgot where I heard it but someone said something along the lines of " when did I come out as straight...why do I have to come out as gay ". because straight is like default state you know but it's a good point. Personally I don't need to shout it from the rooftops that I'm bi...
Foreigners who don’t know China would be really surprised how much families are accepting of gay kids. Chinese society is changing rapidly. It doesn’t mean there are no bullies, but significantly less than in the western world.
Coming from chinese background, they are not as dogmatic regarding sexuality but they do still expect you to have children. It is like they separate the 2 topics. Like ok you like men, but when will you marry and have kids. 😅
I hear so much Chinese in that coming out to parents. And not getting promotions at work. You don’t fully accept yourself as you are. So you accept the push back and work discrimination. Otherwise, you would tell your parents that’s the way you were born and they have to learn to accept it because it’s not going to change for any woman, no matter how beautiful or well-off. You will always be gay. And I understand that companies in Japan are not all gay friendly. But some are. So why are you not looking to move to one. Is it because you like being punished. I’ve felt that about you for a while and been subscribed for 3-4 years. Shortly after the start up of this channel. And your best friend sitting right next to you haven’t recognized it or refuse to say that to you out loud. Idk. Stop punishing yourself for being gay and accepting being punished from work and especially family. You need a serious, face to face, talk with your mother. She has to either accept you as you are or reject you. Which will it be. Stop towing the line to spare her feelings. After all these years and it’s still like pins and needles. Too much time has passed for you to continue tip toeing around the issue.
Romans 10:9 If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
Great stories! I had a boss who outed one of my closest friends (who she didn't even know) behind my back and then ridiculed the nature of our friendship as though this was somehow her biggest triumph . Not sure he'll ever forgive me. Wouldn't blame him if he didn't. Nothing sucks quite like a tacky soap opera boss with no boundaries or emotional intelligence. 😖 🤡 Happy Pride! #2341
