Parenting Rules I DO NOT Follow 

Me just sitting here watching this vid even though I don't have kids.... Love you Sarah!

Re: Ignoring tantrums.... the only point I would add is that you need to explain to your child why you are not going to respond to their attention seeking behaviour or tantrum. If you just start ignoring them, it will cause the behaviour to escalate. A simple "mommy is not going to talk to you when your yelling because that is not how we treat eachother in our family" or something and then do planned ignoring. You need to give children the respect of knowing why you are not talking to them :)

This is stupidly helpful! Going to be having my first baby in the next few weeks so living for content like this 💚

When dealing with tantrums I have literally told my child “if this is how you are wanting to get mamas attention this ain’t it and I won’t respond but you can do this....and I will help you/ listen” and it has worked! She places her hand on me and waits cause we agreed that means she needs me and I can finish what I’m talking about or doing with out interrupting.

My parents had a rule that you can't talk it timeout unless you were apologizing. One time my sister was in timeout and noticed a toy monkey was on fire, my parents kept shutting her up when she tried to warn them. Luckily the only thing burned was the monkey, but I still think if your child is trying to tell you something you should probably listen.

One of my favorite phrases for my toddler is “this is not a choice.” When she has to hold my hand in the parking lot, it’s not her choice. When we wash our hands before meals, it’s not a choice. If she balks and starts a tantrum, I say “it is not a choice. You will hold my hand.” And after 6+ months of that, she understands that that phrase means she won’t get her way.

My kids DO have quiet time daily, about an hour, with their doors CLOSED! Of course they can come out if they actually need something or to go to the bathroom (duh!). I want them to associate being alone with relaxation and play. I want them to learn that being alone is healthy and that they are complete without anyone else to amuse, validate, or constantly assist them.

Hello Sarah, I liked your video, but disagree in the last point when it´s about kids under the age of two. I work as a neurologist in Germany and a colleague of mine is studying toddlers neurology. In the 80s she found out, that children under two don´t have the physical ability to handel their frustration about rejection, so the they begin to scream and so on. If you hold your child closely in this moment, you will help them develop their hormonal und physical ability for handling stressfull situations, because they will grow neurologic connections faster. Many children who don´t get extern support by bringing themselves down in this tantrums or children you don´t have this phase of rebellion can´t handle stress well when they´re grown up. anyway like your point of view in many ways. Love from Germany!

Most of my 3 year old's tantrums end abruptly when I say things to her like, "I know you are feeling so sad and upset right now, I would feel the same exact way if I didn't get to have ______, it's okay to be upset, mommy cries sometimes too, I'm sorry you are feeling this way, you'll feel happy again soon, it's okay." Sometimes when we verbalize their feelings for them it helps them feel heard and then the need to scream ends.

There was a psychologist I heard once who said: let’s put it this way, if we, as adults, for instance don’t like or feel like sharing our phone, or computer, or camera, or whatever, then why is a child any different? If no one forces us to share when we don’t want to, why force a child to share? As you said some moments are made for teaching the sharing stuff but some are not! I’m with you girl 👏🏻

I don’t have kids, I don’t even plan on ever having children myself yet I love watching your videos with your adorable kiddos ☺️ your videos are the best

I was always the child/kid who wanted and needed to know why. Not in a disrespectful way, but I was curious to know why we didn’t say things/do things so could learn from it. It was so much easier to obey if I knew why I was

It’s so refreshing to hear someone saying that all they wanted to be is a MOM, unapologetically!

As a mom of six in her 40's, I just want to say, you have learned so much, so early. I wish I had known half as much in my 20s. Good for you girl!

Don't have kids, don't have a boyfriend/husband, don't even have a crush, don't plan on it anytime soon, but here I am

With the tantrums, what we do is sympathize with the emotion and tell them their feeling is valid, but the behavior isn't. For example, if my two year old throws a tantrum because she wants something her sister has, I tell her she can be frustrated she doesn't get to play with it, but hitting/ screaming/ etc isn't acceptable and then give x,y,z options on what she can do instead. I think that somewhat sounds similar to your philosophy, but we might place a bigger emphasis on accepting and feeling the emotion, but having different ways to deal with that.

Hey guys, I started teaching my little guy breathing techniques while upset when he was about two. He would take deep breaths slowly in and out and then sit for a minute to get himself together (obviously led at that age). It got to the point where he was able to do it himself and then eventually self regulate!:)

I can attest firsthand how helpful it has been to limit the amount of times I say "no" or "stop" etc. They're powerful words and should be used for, primarily, for powerful/serious moments.

Spot on. I will say though, I don't expect my kids to always obey immediately, I ask once and wait a minute-ish before reinforcing (unless it's an emergency) because I don't always drop what I'm doing if someone asks me to do something, so why would I expect anything different from my kids.

At Christmas I never say "Be good or Santa won't bring you presents." I expect good behaviour from my kids for its own sake.

90% of the comments: I don’t have kids but I’m still going to watch this. 😂😂

Ooo this should be interesting. I don’t have any children but still gonna watch this video in its entirety!! 👌👌👌

Yes!!!! Don’t nickname body parts!! Children need to know what their parts are so they can communicate correctly when needed to. I hope bad things never happen to anyone’s children but please teach them what their actual anatomy is called in case they need help. Also, they need to say the correct terms in court for it to be “valid”

I work in a nursery and I see so many parents implementing rules and regulations that just do not work in the child's best interest. I understand that the parent has the final say it's just difficult to follow their rules when their child is so upset. X

That "pff, no can I have a drink?" Haha🤣

My mom refused to and successfully did not directly use the word "no" until I was near the age of 3. She heard all of these other children parroting back to their parents "No no no" like it was a joke. Mom wasn't keen to go through that. So, instead, as you pointed out, she used other words or directed me away from situations that could end in the kind of disasters only toddlers seem to be capable of.

I love the open door thing when they are in time-out. I’m 14 and don’t plan on having kids any time soon, but I really loved this video. Growing up, when my parents would put me in time-out, they would always close the door. I would always feel like they were mad at me and didn’t love me anymore (obviously, that was not true). If they had left the door open, I wouldn’t have felt that way. However, now that I am older, I do appreciate the privacy of having my door closed. Sometimes, after my parents and I have been in an argument, I will close my door just to let them know that I need some space to cool down. But, as a kid, having the door be left open by them def would have made me feel better. :)

I count, but to 5. Some kids need wait time. There is plenty of research into this wait time. But I agree being clear and consistent with the amount of time is important in gaining compliance.

legit all of the things you and milena said i was like THANK YOU , people with common sense who have kids. your kids are so lucky to have you

11:49 -> 11:56 . Honest criticism that is not meant to be hateful : if something is natural ( whatever that even means , because its a very vague term ) DOESN'T MEAN IT'S SAFE in anything wether it be skincare or in this case detergent (example:pretty sure there's poisonous plants in nature soooo.... , not sure that's safe in any case ) . Another thing , water,air... are chemical compounds or a mix of them ,so is anything made of matter in this world , so please , stop demonetizing the word chemical, PLEASE .(unless it's specified to be dangerous)

I agree with all except the use of DON’T. Psychologically it’s hard. When I say, “Don’t think about a pink elephant.” You would have already thought about it. So instead of “Do not touch.” I will say “Keep your hands by your sides.” Followed by the reason. First time mom to be but kinda “parent” my brother who is 14 years younger than me. Nice reminders 😊

I don’t have kids, but I’m a preschool teacher. These parenting videos are so helpful in learning how to better address behavior in an effective but age-appropriate way. Thank you!

I love the explaining your "no" or other words. Growing up I always heard "because I said so and that's that" and it wasn't until I was older that after some time would ask "why" and then my parents realized that I was ok with their decision, I just wanted to know their reasoning behind it.

I love how connected youtube is and just how yall intertwine and share and jump off of ideas of one another. I appreciate it so much and the world needs more love like this!

My mom was the same! For her with me was bedtime means stay in your room and do your thing till you’re ready to go to bed, but no coming out unless it’s to go to the bathroom

I have been following you and watching your RU-vid videos for years. Now that I have my own child and have reached the toddler stage, I have felt completely lost in my parenting strategy. I rewatched your ‘mom talk’ playlist because you’ve always had this natural wisdom with everything you talk about. I can’t honestly tell you enough how much I appreciate the parenting tips you have listed. I feel so much better about how I’m feeling and what my next steps should be. I’m not a naturally reactive mom/person but lately I feel I’ve been letting parenting get the better of me. These videos have really helped push the restart button. Sarah, keep doing you! You are very much appreciated!

I love that everything you’ve said was, to a T, exactly how I parent. My son is 7years old, everyone tells me how good, kind, and “adult” he is. I just want to laugh because they get so surprised that a kid can act like that 😂 guys it’s really how you treat them! The words you use and don’t use! It’s the respect you and your children create when you treat them as PEOPLE who are learning and you are guiding them and teaching them. It’s a different mindset, but it is so worth it!! I don’t deal with half the things I hear from other parents. ❤️ they are just little people learning new things. Be the kind of person you would have needed at that time.

Also, THANK YOU for leading by example and not coddling your children when they throw tantrums!!! That is a huge issue I see with so many young parents. Kids need standards for behavior!

Totally resonate with the baby talk. Lol. My parents were VERY against baby talk and nicknaming things, and my sister and I got super confused when we were babysat by someone and they called a small paper-cut an “ouchie-boo-boo.” 😂 We were only 4 and 5 but we were so confused by the way this lady was talking. 😂

i'm sitting here at 20 years old with no kids yet but I just love hearing your view and style with things! I respect this video because you really seem to prioritize an incredibly, healthy relationship with your kids, in a way that inspires respect and openness for them. Love you all !! ❤️❤️

You and Milena are my favorites i can't even explain how much i admire you 😍😍😍😍😍😍

I’m not a mom yet but I see so many people who don’t really parent and I want to be different. Thank you for this video!

I identify with SO much of this as a parent. My eleven month old is super strong willed and I really appreciate your gentle approach while still maintaining boundaries and a good example for your kids. You put into words my exact thoughts and I hope to emulate this as a new mom! 👍😌

Lol my mom was NEVER a counter. She always said you do what I say when I say it, im not giving you time to think about it 😂

Yes! We do teach our children to share, but they don’t always have to. Personal property is a biblical principle and that is something that we definitely want to enforce in them. If one child has a toy, for that time they are the steward of it.

Sarah, you are spot on! Delayed obedience is disobedience!!!

Baby talk is actually a developmentally important step in learning language. I get not wanting to use it during important times like prayer, but while playing with them, it helps them learn to differentiate sounds while they're babies.

21 year old mom of a freshly one year old!! I always love hearing what other parents do to parent their children and better themselves. Love this 💛

Counting down gives the child a chance to think and act. Yes 20 is extreme, but 321 works fine. If you say stop there might be a freeze moment for the child which is a reflex and the 321 helps adults also not pounce and punish too quickly. The goal is to teach them that whatever they were doing then was wrong- the moral reason why you mentioned- and giving them time to think helps as well as discussing after the punishment why they were punished

I’m pretty sure I came up with a new term - SCARENTING! It’s a style of parenting that focuses on disciplining using fear. Such as when your dad gets home you are going to get a big spanking! Or Go to sleep or the bad man will take you (true story I knew someone who told their child that!)! There is tons of ways parents use fear for disciplining and it’s never a good outcome!

Sitting here soaking all of your wisdom Sarah! Youre awesome

Would love to see more parenting videos from you! Christian parenting, sleep and babies/toddlers, your approach to parenting, discipline, play and toys, education, etc.

I absolutely love your approach ❤️ so refreshing to hear someone so young be into teaching their children rather than “coddling” them and just making their adult life awful where they won’t know how to act. You’re definitely not like most of the young mom generation today and I love it ❤️ thanks so much for sharing! I hope the Lord continues to bless y’all’s lives!

Love this video!! Specifically the no baby talk and tantrums!! Thank you thank you! I know you'll probably do a future video on some of these things, but I just have a couple questions. :) 1. Any tips on how you get your children to listen the first time? 2. The open doors... When during a timeout or quiet time, I can't get my kid to stay in place or sit still! The only way he knows it's actually alone time is if I close the door. Leaving it open he just runs back out and clings to me 😬 wondering how you've helped your kids know to stay put.

i’m with you on every single one of these! i’m a young mom as well. the baby talk especially resonates with me 😂 when i had my daughter, i was honestly bewildered at the way most people would speak to her 🤨🥴 and even now at 3 years old! she was an early talker, she is way ahead of the curve in that department and i really think me speaking to her like a human being has attributed to that. baby talk always felt so strange and unnatural to me lol

I am 20 and my mom is 45 and we still call some things by a nickname we used to use in the past when I was a kid or even when my cousins were kids. It’s just funny and every nickname has a little story behind it and I think that’s beautiful.

I worked in a childcare center for a few years, and so many of these things were applied to or proved by me experience in my job. Parents who counted for their kids had spoiled kids. Self-soothing is important. Properly labeling things make life way easier and avoid miscommunication. Know how to deal with your individual child; not all methods work for all people. You are the adults and they are the children; make sure they know that.

I am 26 Mom of 2 aaaaaand i just like your channel a lot. I adore how you light up RU-vid with love and positivity and no judgement. 🥰

I agree with so many of these. Funnily though, I have never baby talked to my daughter or nicknamed anything (except for her name) but that stuff just comes naturally to her. She has decided that hugs are now called huggles 😂. I honestly hope she never changes that one 😂, it’s way to cute.

Some of actually most of the words is what I needed to hear right now. As a first time mama any help even from my husband because of corona separation. Thank you. I feel stronger now

I'm a cat mom but I'm watching this haha! Definitely loving that you and Milena are friends because I was thinking about it the other day that y'all would really get along!🥰

THANK YOU for touching on the topic of sharing. It is equally important for children to learn to wait their turn as it is to share.

When my kids tantrum especially in a shop I just tell them stop it, this is wrong, we can talk about what is bothering you at home and then I turn around and walk to the next isle and within 10 seconds they would be by my side with a I'm sorry mommy and when we get home we talk about what happened and how they could've communicated to me at that time what they wanted or needed and how they could've handled the situation different. Also want to add only time a bedroom door is closed is to give them or ourselves privacy for getting dressed after having a bath or shower in the evening or getting ready for school in the morning.

I agree with you on lots of things in this video. When you talked about sympathy in tantrums and the fact that it's okay to ignore your child when he's misbehaving, a year ago, I would have totally agreed with you. However, I am currently reading a book called "No-drama discipline" that changed my perspective about it. This book gives a total new approach to teach our kids and proposes a new way to handle tantrums by connecting then redirecting. It's really interesting and I'm sure you would love it!😄

Sharing: imagine someone ripping your phone out of your hands mid conversation and said 'share!'. Yeah no.

Ok, so any time I fall in love with a RU-vid kindred spirit and see this kind of video, I emotionally prepare myself like “it’s okay if their views on parenting are different than mine”. GIRL! Yes and hallelujah, amen, amen let’s stand before the Lord. Spot. On. Our children need boundaries to teach them the right responses when things don’t go their way. I’ve seen kids who are “positive disciplined” and what I’ve observed is seeds of rebellion and mamas who have to negotiate with their child to get them to do anything. But I also see the value of not saying no just for the sake of saying no. I love your videos, Sarah! Keep bringing the encouragement!

I love these tips! The only thing I would disagree with is #7. I think it's great to explain to a child why you are saying no sometimes, but at others it becomes a matter of obedience. They should be willing to obey you even with no reasoning behind it. Love your videos! You're amazing!

I saw Milena’s video first and then a few days later your video was suggested 🤗 I think topics like these are SO NEEDED because reality is people have different parenting styles and people really struggle with parenting and hearing “New ways” to parent can be super beneficial. Im 💯% on board with the no baby talk or no counting. Kids are little geniuses in the making. Their brains are soaking up new information by the second. I also think its super important to allow children to think for themselves and give them a fare chance to respond with their words. I always felt belittled and like I didnt have a voice because I was told “shut up, dont speak, be quiet” ect. And never given a chance to voice my feelings or given an explanation from my parents on why?!? So I also agree with explaining to children why your needing them to do or not to do something so they understand, because knowledge is power.

Your parenting style sounds identical to mine. ❤

I love your necklaces💗💗💗 I totally agree with your point of sharing, my niece is a people pleaser so her parents have tried to teach her that she doesn't always have to give over her toy when someone else wants it.

I'm not a mom yet, but thank you for sharing!

So for open door policy: at what age are the kids allowed to have closed doors? What rules would surround that? How do you handle privacy for the kids with each other? Love you Sarah!! ❤️

My exboyfriend told me about a girl who was in class with him, and she taught her daughter to name her vagina cookie. And she constantly went to her teacher... I think it was... saying “they touched my cookie”, and she never paid attention because she thought it was a cookie. And then she told her mom, thats how it was discovered someone was sexually asaulting her. Whats the problem with teaching them the word vagina?? My cousin taught her daughter to call it “carterita” that would be little purse. And I was 😒

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 you basically described my parenting. Things I've never even realized were different.. it is kind of just an unspoken rule or how we live without even thinking about it.

I always find parenting “advice” quite a dangerous thing. Every child is so different. I guess we won’t know how well your techniques have worked until your children are fully grown and functioning as adults. I think your heart is in the right place trying to share what may be working for you. If any parents are reading my message, please just do you and don’t be affected by anyone’s opinions - it’s such a personal thing and no right way about it xx

YES! Everything in this video is a YES from me! I am a child/adolescent social worker who has YEARS of child development and child behavior studies under my belt. These are all amazing, developmentally friendly, trauma avoidant strategies to parenting! So many of the things you mentioned promote a sense of agency for your child which is so incredibly important. Allowing your child to explore, treating them like they understand, giving them the opportunity to learn. I was especially excited when you talked about the word “No” and the “why” behind the “what”. THIS IS A GAME CHANGER! So many parents are experiencing their child tantruming because they tell them No. Your child does not understand why you’re saying no. They’ve associated “no” with not being able to do what they want and they automatically have a negative reaction to it. “No” takes away your child’s agency. A firm “No thank you” or “Stop” or “I do not want you to do that” or “Please do not do that” and adding a “Because...” at the end will change your life as a parent. Your children WANT to do right by you and themselves, and saying “no” without any why or what behind it damages your relationship with your child and teaches them nothing about the behavior except for the negative feeling they got and the negative interaction you just had with them. Further, saying NO only when your child is doing something wrong taints your child’s relationship with the word no. Teach your child to have a healthy relationship with “no”! No doesn’t always mean trouble. No sometimes just means no thank you. No sometimes means that isn’t safe. No sometimes means I don’t like that. And those are all HEALTHY no’s! I am applauding you Sarah! THANK YOU for sharing this!!

I totally agree with accounting thing. But I also do the accounting thing sometimes to give them the opportunity to make the right decision to do it on their own if that makes sense.

Hey Sarah, first time to your channel and I have to admit that I clicked with great trepidation! As a mum of two (11yrs and 8yrs) and a primary school teacher, I am super excited to hear you speak. Well done and congratulations on such a great stance - your title should actually be 'Parenting Rules that we should ALL follow'. Discipline is so hit and miss now, that I more often see parents who are so soft on their kids. Both my children work successfully in the entertainment industry and as they are working in an adult domaine, their disciplined attitudes means they are never a burden on the adults who have to work with them. Keep it up and big love from Sydney, Australia xx

I count to 3. You have 3 seconds to rethink your choice. My kids know when things are serious and immediate obedience is mandatory and when I’m letting them make a choice. I want my kids to leans how to make their own choices. I’m 27 and my kids are 10, 5 and 2. I let my daughter close her door when her little brothers are bothering her. My kids know they’re body parts. I tell them why they have them and what they’re for. My kids also know that in polite conversation that’s not what everyone will call those parts. My kids don’t throw tantrums often and I’m so happy about it. If we’re in public I scoop them up like a sack of potatoes and I tell them I understand they have feelings but we have things to do. At home I’ll take the time to help them figure out how and why.

She is 100% accurate. I have a teenager, 7 and 6 year old and I realize my friends and some family think it's weird that I have done pretty much everything she has said. My kids communicate with me very differently. They love to hang out with me but they also respect me.

Love this video idea! I wanted to do this too after I saw Milenas. Great points and yesss kids are not stupid!

Thank you for creating such a great spectrum of content! I am an newly engaged to a wonderful man who already has a child, so i am stepping into an instant family situation. Subjects like parenting, marital, house, cooking, and also caring for myself is all stuff I want to be absorbing and your channel provides a little of everything! Love it💛

When she mentioned rapunzel’s hair I instantly knew what she meant! I had wanted the same 😃

i seriously LOVE your parenting videos! I have learned so much from those! I love to hear how you interact with your kids because i respect you so much and you're such an inspiration to me. keep it up, mama!

I really recommend you “The Mellow Mama” channel. She talks a lot about respectful parenting.

Great video! I love that you agree with the no baby talk. Talking to them like they are actual human beings that deserve respect not some incompetent being. Also the telling them why they can't do something instead of just "because I said so." No nicknames especially to body parts is sooo important.

I agree with a lot of these. The counting though I count to 3 ONLY when it's not something that is going to harm them or make them disrespectful. For example: If I say it's time to get our shoes on and go to the store, and my kids do not immediately get up to listen I will say 1-2-3. but if I get to 3 there are repercussions.

I love the fact that you didn't mention which kid didn't throw tantrum. I really appreciate the way you think and action and even I don't have kids, if I will ever have I'll think of this video and the great advice you gave us. Definitely more parents should act like this.

Counting gives children an opportunity to make a good choice themselves rather than imposing adult will. This allows them the chance to develop making good choices by gentle prompts rather than immediate consequences or discipline. I wouldn't count to 20...i ask once and then count to 5 and then move.

I admire how confident Sarah is in her parenting choices. Thankfully the not forcing sharing thing is becoming more prominent. I totally agree with what she says. Additionally, it helps protect the child who is playing concentration as they get to take their time and not worry about their item randomly being snatched away from them at any moment!

This is great advice I just found out I’m expecting with our first child. Thank you for the great advice. Love your videos always.

Am just glad that you and Milena are buddies.... I discovered her recently, and fell instantly for her💝. You both are great content creators 🎊🎈

You have some good tips. Counting can work in certain situations, though. Obviously not if safety is an issue and definitely not counting to 20. When we count it’s to three, no exceptions. I think giving a few second to let kids reach good decisions can be a great thing. I’m with you on the sharing and the word no, also. We don’t force our boy to share, he can if he wants to and usually does. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but your use of the term “train” struck me as kind of different. Maybe it’s because I just read about that book, how to train a child (can’t remember the exact name, but it’s something like that), and it was rather disturbing.

I love your parenting philosophy on the word "no". I hated as a kid, and still hate as an adult, when people tell me no without any reasoning or explanation. I like to know and understand things as fully as I can.

I understand the no baby talk but sometimes they’re just SHOO CUTEEEE ..not even a mom tho 😂

As a soon-to-be Behavioral Analyst, I can say that these are all incredible tips! The only one I would say could use some leeway is the open door policy. I completely understand the goal of that (especially with very young children), but I know that when I was a child, the time I got to spend alone playing in my room was so important to me. Thanks for sharing Sarah!

Same with the knowing I wanted to be a mom since I can remember.

I’m a preschool teacher and I always say let’s take turns because I feel like it’s easier for them to understand that concept. I totally agree with you!💕

We don't expect our children to be blindly obedient. We don't do time out. We don't do punishments or rewards. We see tantrums for what they are, hugely overwhelming emotions they don't have the maturity to cope with it.

I absolutely 💯 percent agree with your parenting style! And I love how you know why you decided to do what you do, it’s backed up with reasoning, not just fallowing a trend and that’s huge.