Parenting Tips 9-12 Year Old Boys 

Nik, thanks for the kind words. So glad this video helped. It seems to be one of our most popular videos. The testing years can be quite maddening. You’re not alone.

thanks so much- glad it was helpful.

I know this was a year ago but I'm here now. Mine as well. As a life coach momma + beliver I'm able to have different conversations with my son immediately. I let nothing slip! It's helpful, but it's tricky and he's definitely testy right now. This video helped me understand there may be some things he don't understand about changes to his own body. I forgot to even consider this.

Hello. You are such a great aunt to cue into his need for attention. Love it. If you see this as a need and are close to his parents, maybe you can have a soft conversation with them. OR you can step in and create one-on-one time with him and do a few things HE loves to do. This way, you are investing in HIM and making him a priority. As you spend time with him, he may share with you his feelings and why he is always on his phone and or not eating. Again, you are a great aunt to see this and your desire to help him. (you can always share this video with the parents if you think they are open). In all things, do with great love and great things will happen in time.

My wife and I totally get it. Getting more info and being a student of him and his stage is a great start. We have a course on this. :)

My son is 9 and I'm working diligently on effective communication. This is key

You are too kind. Thank you so much for the positive feedback. It’s always great hearing how These videos are helping.

Parenting is hard. We get it! It’s hard to be good students of our kids as they are all different :). Strong work for wanting to be a better parent to your son! :)

Dr. Ruben - Thanks so much for the encouraging words. We really appreciate it. It’s true, when we realize our kids (and our stress) is all normal - it’s so freeing.

Could not agree more. Mother Teresa always said, 'if you want to change the world, go home and love your family.' That about sums it up :)

Matty 2x4 thanks so much for your kind words. I think most kids put their parents through more than they will want to go through as parents themselves!

Jaq__ thank you for your comment. These stages are general- not all boys will be in theses stages at the ages we say- most but not all. We all want our kids to be ‘normal’ and well adjusted. And since you are ‘worried’ about this, makes me confident you are a good parent making sure he is good. You can alway have conversations with him using ‘open ended questions’ that will allow him to share his feelings more. This is a question that requires more than a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ for the answer and this will help draw him out more. Thanks again for sharing- remember we all have different personalities and just because people May or may not be like us, doesn’t mean something is wrong :).

Thank you for the watch and comment Anthony Dell. It’s always great to pick up an idea now and then to be more effective. Blessings.

So glad they were helpful.

Thank you.

Thanks for taking the time to listen to our video and be a 'good student of your son. I want to encourage you that even if they don't appear to be listening, kids, everyone for that matter are listening, some just need to be busy with something while they listen. If your son is acting up in school and having a hard time focusing- he may be bored- it's certainly possible that he needs to be challenged more and maybe even try a gifted program, Being consistent no matter what is key. Keeping those boundaries and communicating them in love is so important, Kids NEED them and will push them all the time to see if you care/love them. They crave being safe and knowing how much they can get away with. Be encouraged that a lot of this is so normal and that simple fact can be somewhat encouraging :) Take parent breaks/time outs too so you can refocus and stay sharp. Thanks again for sharing,

Thank you for watching. Appreciate the feedback.

Appreciate the kind words. You are definitely not alone.

Alexandro Hollie yes! it’s normal and something about being ‘normal’ is comforting!!! :)

Omg! My son just turned 11 and I’m going through the same thing! You are def not alone!

Kimberly Thompson we are all in this together. :) Thanks for the view and comment. Let us know if we can help. God bless.

Yesss

This has been one of our most popular videos. Thanks for the comment.

So Glad it helps.

Glad it was helpful to you.

Thank you.

Thank you so much. Glad it is helpful.

It can be a challenge for sure. Keep up the great work. It’s worth it.

You’re certainly welcome. Thank you for stopping by and commenting.

Sammy, that’s unfortunate that you were forced into that role so early. Thank goodness your younger sister had you to rely on.

Are you trying to keep him from inquiring of you or giving you some privacy or is there a specific question you might have that we try to help with?

Kudos to you to give and serve this age of kids. It takes a special person- Hope this year is great in and out of the classroom.

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Hope it was helpful :)

You’re certainly welcome. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

Hope it was helpful!

Same!

Thanks for sharing- it really depends on what happened. Some need time to themselves to think or calm down. Others need different things- the key is to try and have the discipline action match the offense. For example, if they are harsh or short with you, and you have tried to correct it with talk, and it doesn't work, you could say, ok, from the way you acting, you seem tired. You will need to go to bed early tonight and no phone, you can have more time get the things done that you need to get done, so that you can go to bed early...does this make sense? Thanks again for sharing! Appreciate it.

@@FamilyWithPurpose thank you I do that haha

Let's begin with this very true statement, Raising kids is hard work and takes being very intentional. A few things to consider, you are called to be there their parent. Not their best friend. This friend role will come as they get into their 20s. But for now, you are their parent who gives them boundaries to learn, grow and fail. It's better they fail in your home, under your protection than out in the real world. We as parents want to them to learn while in our care so it will save them a lot of heartache in the real world. Also, maybe a hard question you need to ask yourself is "Are my kids the CEO of our family?" This is hard to ask and be honest. Are they the ones calling the shots? Deciding what they will do, their rules, their bedtime, etc....if so, it's time to remove them off the 'throne' as the CEO. you and your wife are the CEO's. You call the shots and create meaningful consequences when they disobey. Being consistent is HARD- but you have to be so they know they can't push anymore. Here's an example...if your kid is disrespectful and not listening and tends to go be late, you could say- "you seem to be not getting enough sleep as you continue to talk back and have a negative attitude. We are going to try and see if getting more sleep helps.' and they go to bed one hour earlier from then on to see if this helps. OR if your child is lying to you, you may want to take away some of their privileges as lying is a form of mistrust and they have proven they can't handle their privileges due to not being able to be trusted. When you find reasonable consequences, the action turns to the kid. they caused this not you, BUT YOU must be consistent. There is a book out there called: "KID CEO" by Ed young. We highly recommend you read it. It's an easy read. I also want to say one more thing- our kids are involved in SO MANY ACTIVITIES! They are tired and UNDER SO MUCH more stress than we were as kids. It may be time to evaluate these activities and prioritize them, When I grew up we had a rule that we could only play one sport at a time and it could not interfere with Sunday church. This taught us boundaries and our value for a growing relationship with Jesus....what we decide as parents speaks way more loudly. I have often said: Many things are caught, not taught- they watch everything you do. Be sure you are modeling well to them and remember to say I am sorry when you mess up. This will go far with them and teach them that no parent is perfect. Hope these few things help you. YOU are not alone- parents have a hard but rewarding job. Be sure you are getting rest and taking care of yourself too- this will go far to be loving and handle your kids well.

Thank for reaching out. Tech is a blessing and a curse sometimes. I love what you are thinking about only educational time. You can try what did, if you want to spend 30 minutes on screen time, you need to spend 30 minutes playing outside, reading or being creative. If you want to spend 60 minutes on screen time, you need to play outside 60 minutes, or read, or whatever you decide. The point is to limit screen time. It's not healthy for the mind or body. You can also not share the wifi code with him until certain things are done that you have asked of him...ie..chore, reading etc...one those are done, you can type in the wifi so he can have screen time. It's not bad to have screen time-(and when we say screen time, we mean computer, laptop, TV, video games, etc..) it's just everything in moderation. Also, be sure you are modeling a healthy boundary with screen time too :) parenting and grandparenting is hard. Be sure to show yourself grace. Spending time with your grandkids outside or cooking in the kitchen, during activities with them may also help curb this screen time love. Hope this helps! Have a great one.

My son's 11 and is addicted to the phone. It's the one thing that he cares about and doesn't want to put down. It's a huge issue.

I’m glad you mentioned this. My son is 9 and I noticed he was much calmer and a better listener when I took all his games and electronics away. I was very strict with the help of dad and was able to go a month without it. I gave him activity books, reading books, had him helping me in the kitchen with cooking; stuff like that and I seen a huge improvement on his mood and behavior after about the 1st 1-2 weeks. This week he got in trouble so again, took all his games, electronics and now he even has more than before because the holidays and his family gifting him more games and a vr set and I’m hoping for the same result. Since the time I took everything for a month his behavior is better but of course he’s still a kid a makes mistakes but definitely I noticed he’s more aware of his decisions ever since. Just gotta stick it out because the beginning they act so dramatic if they don’t have access to those dang electronics. I will say it does mean you’ll have to give him more attention. I found myself sitting listening to him read, closely teaching him how to do new things. Usually he is to himself on the games and stuff.

I am sorry that your perspective is your parents don’t care. I certainly hope this is not true. Even though there are two sides to the story, your feelings are Real. My best advice is to find a loving adult that you trust to talk through some of this with. It would even be better if they are the adult that knows your parents too. They can give you wisdom and some perspective and maybe even talk to your parents as well.

No worries. We all don’t fit in a box and are all different. These are just general characteristics for young men. Thanks for watching.

We are so glad to hear that. Thanks for sharing.

Appreciate the feedback. It was just one boom mic for both of us but thanks. Will keep that in mind for future videos.

We are so sorry you are feeling this way. We ALL have bad days and days where we feel the world is against us. Normally it's better after a good night's sleep; it helps put things in perspective. I am sorry you are going through a valley right now. Reach out and ask for support from those you love and love you. Your tribe. It's ok to ask for HELP. We all need it at times. And when you are doing better, you will be able to help and support those in your tribe, too. Take a breath and know you will make it. One step at a time.

Would you mind elaborating what part(s) of the video are not true? We strive to present material that is truthful and helpful. And to review books that are solid and truthful as well. It would seem a derogatory comment like ‘not true’ would warrant a little context in order to be taken seriously and to review. We are certainly not above errors in our approach and delivery.

Well Cooler Man, I’m not really sure what you’re question is implying. Possibly why am I hear watching this video? Or possibly why am I hear on this earth? Or maybe another scenario you might be able to enlighten us with. We would love to help but the question is a bit vague.

YOUCHOOSE.COMMUNITY ok 👍