I love how the one Commenter said, "You can't turn back on family" yet they somehow missed the part of the Family turning their backs on OP until they needed OP b/c that's when they remembered, "Oh yeah! We have another son that can save us, right?"
OP owes his parents nothing because nothing is what they gave him. He suffered emotional abuse all his childhood so why would anyone expect him to help his torturers?
He shouldn't help them but he should repay all the money he has been stealing from them for a year. Frankly, OP sounds like a massive AH. He may very well be justified but still an AH.
If you are old enough to have graduated from college even if it was just after 2 years you're most likely over 18. Your father can not unenrolled you as you are an adult and clearly has no authority over you.
If you graduated from college, even after just 2 years, you are likely over 18. Your father cannot unenroll you since you are an adult and he has no authority over you.
@TellTalesRedditStory Sadly, we have a few states that still run on Bible belt rules that are kind of ridiculous. For instance, while most states have (fairly recently) updated the laws to keep kids under 16 from being married off, but Mississippi's statutes set the minimum age at 21, but allow males aged 17 and females aged 15 to marry with parental permission. And here, financial aid and such depend on parents until 23.
When you have a toxic family you have to get out ASAP. After living without the toxicity for a couple of months you'll come to the realization you feel much better now.
Blood may be scientifically thicker than water. Yet philosophically, the heart is strong enough to beat fiercer than toxic blood & overshadow its poison.
Some people should never have become parents. I should know because my parents were one example. I left home when I got engaged. I never went home except for a visit. My parents are now dead and I did not attend their funerals. My family is my husband and children. They ignored me for decades. They stopped visiting and sending presents for my children. My adult children know that they were bad parents and grandparents. This is the possible future for bad parents. I chose me and my family for our well-being.I have no regrets.
Dealing with toxic parents isnt a good thing at all. My mom use to treat me like I wasn't part of the family too and one day I asked her if I was adopted and she told me no and then I asked her if I could be adoted and then she slapped me so hard that she busted my lip. So I told her that I hated her for not acting like a mother and more like a bully. So she hit me again and I told her if she did it again I was calling the cops on her. she didn't hit me anymore that night. But I was kicked out of my mothers house when I was 14 years old and didn't live with her for a lot of years after that. But now I am 55 years old and I haven't lived with my mom in a lot of years and I am happy about that. But no one should have to put up with toxic parents at all and I didn't either.
i got woken up at 5am by the police i am sorry sir your mother has passed away. my reply was "why are you telling me? if she is dead shouldn't you tell the coroner"
I TOTALLY agree with OP cutting his parents off. The only differing action I would suggest is OP to reimburse the "school funding" his father had been sending after OP had graduated. Not only was the $ received under false pretense (which I understand the reasoning behind), but OP doesn't need it at this time. With the $ not being used for its intended purpose & the family presently being in such dire need, returning the $ would be the most morally ethical thing to do. Not to mention, this could be used as an arguable example that OP isn't acting as the petty & vindictive "child" his parents r accusing him of being.
If the OP reads this…I wouldn’t give them a second chance. They chose the brother over you. They “forced” you to go to the local college, which - by the way, great bluff - you managed to go to the college you wanted to. I’d have gone full on no contact.
Why are people always so worried about what family things when they don’t care about you I mean in life as an adult you can freaking choose who you want to be part of your family I have a lot of family and for whatever reasons that they have problems with they want nothing to do with me, but I’ve managed to get an aunt a grandmother and mom everybody that I need my family by the people who brought into my life and that’s a hell of a lot better than what I gotfrom being born
IF THE FAMILY WASN'T IN THE MESS, THEY WOULD NOT HAVE CONTACTED THEIR SON. COME ON PEOPLE. THE PARENTS AND BULLY BROTHER DIDN'T CARE ABOUT HIM; ONLY WHEN THEY WERE IN TROUBLE DID THEY CONTACTED THEIR SON. READ WHAT THE LORD GOD SAID ABOUT THIS. LEAVE NEGATIVE PEOPLE, PERIOD ALONE.
He was right to leave. He owed them nothing. Had the tables been turned his family definitely would not have helped him. His father was even willing to destroy his future by cutting him off from college. When ppl show u what they think of you, believe them. He did well and can have a peaceful life and thank goodness for that.
Two wrongs may not make a right, but you do not keep sitting idly by while your parents, who SHOULD have your best interests at heart, continue to walk all over you.
I love these Reddit stories. However. This is total B.S. about the college giving out information. I have a kid in college. Had to get HIS permission to pay his tuition. School wouldn't tell me anything. They wouldn't take my money until he told them to do so. Can't view his grades even though I'm paying.
Yes you can see the grades of your progeny. Have your child sign a Release of Information (ROI) form that will allow you, the parent(s) to speak to the school on his or your behalf. Our daughter, a Jr., away in another state university, signed one for file at our request.
To hell with those sponges and that's is all they'll be. If they honestly treated you crappy when you were a kid, you owe them nothing! I think the college switch was brilliant...I understand how you feel. Live your life, have a family of your own and don't give your parents and brother second thought.
Right? What kind of parents don't even drive their kid to campus to help move them in to their dorm? Who doesn't even bother to once visit their child at college? Who isn't calling their kid at least once a week to see how they're doing and ask if they need anything? If they can't do the bare minimum then what do they expect? Especially after an entire childhood of neglect and indifference and, as it sounds to me, bullying from both the parents and the brother! Maybe if they'd have bothered to treat their kid like a human being instead of an unwanted obligation, they would have known where he was and what he was up to all this time. Though I am surprised that dad was even still sending money to OP for college if they were in such dire straits financially. You'd think that would've been the first expense they cut. I get that OP was still accepting the money to keep up the facade, but he couldn't he have returned the unnecassary money to his father since he'd already been graduated for a year? That truly seems like the moral, ethical thing to do. Personally, I would have given my dad back every penny he'd sent me for college if I was doing as well as OP purports to be doing. Not because the family deserves it but because he is a better person than them and should show them what he became in spite of their treatment of him.
Yes you can turn your back on a toxic family. I have and I'm all the happier for it. I moved out at 18 and tried for years to get my family to give a crap about me but they never did and the final straw came when they stole from me so I cut off all contact (I got my BSc later in life, paid for all by myself). All they want to do is to use you as an ATM and they're blaming everyone else for their predicament except the real culprits, themselves. It's so cliche. Karma is a beatch but they're going tio have to deal with it themselves. Without your input.
Most colleges will not let parents cancel enroll of a student. Only students can cancel enrollment unless there are extenuating circumstances, like the student has passed away..
I would have suggested he repay his father the tuition fees and then get restraining orders against his family that way he owes them nothing and they have nothing more to ask from him.
One never becomes fully adult until you come to a realization that the incredible societal pressure to support family does not supercede your own right to protect yourself from abusers looking to use those same societal obligations to their own advantage at your expense. A favorite saying of mine is that while it's certainly true that blood is thicker than water, it's also true that bullshit is thicker than blood, and that claiming special privileges based on random family relationships is said bullshit and as an adult you are under no obligation to cooperate or play along with their shenanigans. I would add that relatives are a matter of genetics and DNA but family is something one gets to choose, honor, and hold close.
No one should have to put up with toxic relationships (family or not). They will only bring you down. OP deserves some space on this one. It’s time the family learned to deal with the consequences of their actions. If down the road OP wants to mend fences that should be his decision.
If you had attended Roman's wedding they would have somehow blamed you for all of their financial woes. So it really was for the best that you didn't attend that non-wedding after all. Roman and your parents thought he was marrying a wealthy woman no doubt. She turned out to be a scam artist. They probably only wanted you at the wedding to show off the rich bride that Roman had snagged. Well it backfired in their faces lol!
What happened to the animated videos I fell in love with. I'm sorry but that's why I chose you to listen to the same stories others also read. I might just go to others. You were an original and I loved it. Now what do I do?
So glad OP did what was right for him. The only thing I think he should not have done was to continue to take college tuition money from his father after he graduated. They could technically sue him for fraud because he made them believe they were paying for his college for a whole year. At the least he should return that money.
Dude... just add up all the money that your father sent for your college fees & send it back to them in a cashier's check. Not a penny less or a peeny more. That is all you owe them!! Make a happy family for yourself.
Still, I can't help but wonder why the initial "victims" in these stories can't help but brag about their accomplishments or hidden assets a little too early than is more logical (as prior to an officially finalised divorce) like in this story where when the parents are manipulating him to play happy family while threatening to cut him off from their support for his college education. He should know his parents. And he seemed smart. Wouldn't it have been better to have held on a little longer until he was more secure, relatively safer from their harassment? Then he could gloat as much as he wants instead of gloating prematurely and suffering more harassment just after he thought that he got away from them already.
The only thing I would have done differently is send a check with the fees that your father sent after your graduation and a note to says that all debts have been repaid and don’t contact me again.
I had a toxic family as well. However I did know that my parents cared about me. The conflict between them often made life hell. In truth they should never have married. The reason I am posting here is that there is one thing I would like to make you aware of. When my brother finally married his girlfriend, she would not marry him unless he reconciled with my parents. I wondered why he did reconcile up to that point. When you date, find out early if a potential spouse will respect your decision about cutting off your family, before you become too invested in a relationship with her. Take some parenting classes as well if you decide to marry and want children. I have learned that despite some people's best efforts they often times repeat their parents mistakes. If you take parenting classes you might be able to avoid that. Good Luck
If you don’t like the rules, don’t accept the money for college. I find it funny. My parents don’t care about me! Also, my parents paid for all my college which allowed me to land an amazing job, they’re monsters.
I had a similar experience as a child. I had an older sister who was a paragon of virtue did everything right. Me ? I was totally different. Was always told don't know why you can't be like Joy, my sister, and was always compared.
The second comment is clueless to OPs situation. The only thing I would do is be petty, I'd send them of all the money they gave in the year I wasn’t in college in the form of a family counselor. No actual money just pay for that.
Pfft, it's all about "keeping up the facade", let them depend on their idiot golden child forever instead then. Well done to OP for moving in the shadows, woohoo!!
Stay away from them ,they treated you like a burden and now you are in a better place and they want to sponge off of you......they got in that situation so.let them get out ,
I walked away from my family for 25 years and even now are only on basic texting around birthday terms. I never regretted it, poison is poison whether you're related to them or not.
@@wingracer1614 i would have if I could have, instead my mom stole thousands from me, before I was even 16. If you think the money is the crux of this story you are missing the point
tell them you will be there but don't go anytime the call you tell em you are running around for the brat, then when they ask where are you in he ceremony tell them you stayed in the back as usual.. The whole time you were never in the state
It might be a vibe to send his parents the same amount of money they sent him on the schedule they sent it to him for the same span of time. They probably need it. He can be as bitter as he likes and still not have to have regrets if he changes his heart later.
I thought his name was Jonas???? Whatever his name is, he needs to start therapy. He will need to get his head right so that he can have a normal life.
I don’t know I think that OK may be super jealous of the brother as well….. colleges expensive why would the parents who only worth of the other son even give OP money there’s more to the story
OP clearly had a terrible upbringing, but he seems to think that he is not like his parents. His callousness, however, says to me that the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Admittedly, he is in a delicate position, because if he gives a little they will expect a lot, but he is now in the driver's seat - a six-figure seat. Does he want his parents to wallow in poverty? Forget the entitled brother. OP could teach mom and dad a lesson in how a family really acts, and he doesn't have to pretend to play happy family. Nothing was said that indicated that they are not capable of working and regaining their financial footing after he helps some. He can determine how much to help and remind them that, if they are dissatisfied, he has already shown that he can, and will, cut them off completely.
