The short version of my story, my mother got killed in front of me when I was six, my father was an abusive alcoholic, I was sexually/physically/mentally abused as a child, grew up wanting a measure of power and control over my destiny and ended up in the military for a stint. Wrong place to look for that. Ended up deployed abroad, saw/did a bunch of fucked up shit, like picking up the pieces of family of six who ran over an IED intended for us, standing watch over a mass grave waiting for the forensic pathologists to do their job, sent off five friends/colleagues on their final flight home, etc etc, came home even more broken, but not with PTSD. Had that before I even joined up. Trying my hardest to keep up appearances, working civ job, smiling, drudging along. Lost even more friends to suicide than when deployed, left me with this horrible guilt, feeling that I could have done more, said something, done something to prevent those suicides. That feeling is one of the few things still keeping me alive, I do not want my loved ones asking themselves those questions. Using booze to be able to sleep, and now sitting in front of my computer spilling my guts to a stranger on the internet, shit I've not even told to those close to me. Sorry for wall of text.
I can't say I've ever been in your shoes, so of course, take my words with a mountain of salt, but as a fellow human being I can at least sympathize a little bit, I hope. Now that you're back, you've got a little more of that control over your destiny. It took awhile to get here, but it sounds like everything you've been through has got a chokehold on you. I'm glad you've at least got something to keep you going -- I guess purpose prevents people from going wayward in life. Hold your loved ones closer than ever. Build a 'safety net' of sorts to catch you when you've hit your lowest points, and know that your experiences make you stronger and not weaker if you can learn and heal from them. You've been through a hell of a lot, so make it mean something. I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I hope to whatever God there is that you can give to the people and world around you instead of ridding yourself of them. Please, be excellent to yourself. And for the record, you shouldn't be apologizing for posting this. It's not like you're forcing anyone to read it.
Try to tell someone you can trust brother. Speaking about this stuff and past experiences with former military might not be appealing or seem helpful, but you gotta let these thoughts out man, don’t let that shit stay inside and eat you up. If you don’t wanna tell family or friends, that’s fine, telling people close to you can feel like a massive guilt trip and a burden on others. But you gotta start helping yourself somewhere brother, don’t let this guilt stay inside you. Thanks for sharing your story. We are all rooting for you, even if you aren’t
Thank you for sharing with us terrible things that happend to you and your friends. You are stronger then you think. I wish you a complete healing🙏🏻...
Everyone says I looked determined and serious and then I look lost when I snap back to reality. Now that I realize I'm doing that I'm terrified because I don't know what I did. I've hurt my brother and my friends. I've now decided to be alone for the rest of my life and now I have less lost moments. Mainly because there is no one around to even know I had an episode. It hurts knowing you scared the ones you swore to protect.
@@Son_of_Man_Child_of_God I just want to let you know that you did a good job and I just want to say thank you for your service You did a good job well done and there is help for you out there
@@Son_of_Man_Child_of_God Isolation can be dangerous be careful. Get a dog walk it in the park and people will start conversations. After a while you'll start to feel human.
@@Prometheus7272 I go into a nearby town for wifi once every 3 to 4 months. I sleep in a lean to that I made with a below 20 degree sleeping bag. I fish in the rivers and streams and hunt elk using deep pit traps. When i see the crap on the internet I just go back up the mountain to my hollowed out hovel. I have two books. The bible, the complete tales of uncle Remus. I am not giving any more of my self to this so called society or horse shit country if yall are gonna keep this way. I have lots of pets. I have squirrels and birds, and a stray dog I found and befriended. Loneliness I don't have. Yall aren't worth the bull. Become worthy and I'll gladly be your first ally.
PTSD is a mysterious thing. Poem titled, “My place has changed." My place has changed, From the things once seen. To where I do not know. Only I can say ‘I can return.’ Only I can find that way To my source in life, With the time I have left I must overcome. It’s I who must come back. See Less
I have ptsd. I was jumped in high school and almost stabbed to death. A classmate tapped me on the shoulder and I woke up in a pool of my own blood with multiple knives in my back. I have been trying to convince myself I will be safe in society and trust people.
I’m not a combat veteran but everyone seems to ask me if I am because of my PTSD and tbi i’m on the path of getting help for it I really struggle with it man. I don’t know how you really react when you’re triggered but if it’s anything like me I could use some advice 🤷♂️
Good morning...I wish you health...please be always strong...Great respect for you health and life.Great respect for you.I wish all the best from 🇵🇱 🕊️
It's terribly how these people are suffering from PTSD...We will never allow loneliness and lack of support for these wonderful veterans...people of courage...great heroes...🕊️❤️ I wish all the best from 🇵🇱🕊️🤝
Not ONLY veterans have PTSD. That's a common misconception, especially with the police. I had a former cop (thankfully he is no longer a cop) tell me that 'pansy women in the US' don't have any reason to have PTSD. I'm a survivor of gang rape and torture which also involved a gun. Not just at gunpoint, either. I have PTSD and I've been dealing with people not understanding the signs of my attacks since I was 14. Bad things happen ANYWHERE. In the service or not. People are more understanding when military people have it, but you can't tell what persons gone through at a glance. I can't even leave my home now. I hate PTSD.
Most people who suffer from PTSD don’t claim to have it and I’ve never once heard anyone claim that only military personnel can get PTSD, it’s just far more common in Veterans as their jobs often center around constantly dealing with the threat of death.
I worked in a public library in high school. The library was a common gathering place after the homeless shelter closed for the morning. Many of these people also were connected to the VA hospital in that city. In short, a lot of people had major problems with their service in the Vietnam War. In one scene, VA police in a white car got out to address a scruffy man sitting on the sidewalk. They went to each side of the man and were carrying a straight jacket. The man resisted getting in to the jacket. A scuffle ensued. The man was put in the jacket. I wanted to look away. However, I needed to get a good look at the man's face as the patrol car went by. If we were missing someone when showing our film strips, at least I could account for this man's absence.
In Southern California, law enforcement has been superb with this matter. I’m 3rd Generation Military and have lost family veterans to suicide. RIP Medic Serna
I served in the Army up until the day I took a blow to the left side of the Fronter lobe of my brain from a metal object, after I got out of the trauma center a old Army buddy of mine picked me up and helped me out for a while. I'd say about a month after leaving my buddies place I started doing things that would look crazy to others, like walking around my house with a rifle whenever I went to use the kitchen or whatever it was I would just always feel like there's someone there trying to kill me, I would barricade myself in my room for days and drink until I passed out drunk. I ended up having a episode walking down the street and 6 cop cruisers showed up drawing guns and yelling at me, I don't remember a lot after that but when I woke up at the hospital handcuffed they told me I was resisting their commands and they shot me with a non lethal after punching a fence and being aggressive. I don't know how it feels for other people but for me it's weird mix of emotions running through the body, like the warning I get is rapid heart beat, locked jaw and then it just kicks off, alcohol helped with it it seemed at the time. I hate it because people look at you like you're some kind of pos. More needs to be done because it took me over 2 years to get any kind of help. just this year I was accepted for help.
Your not a POS your a very good person you just had seen awful things and awful things have been done to you There is help out there for you You should get a service dog maybe go to therapy
You’re a hero, I hope you’re doing a lot better. I haven’t got any words that I can express just how much I admire, respect and appreciate you… I’m just so sorry that you and many others have to suffer, you sacrificed your life for your country- you deserve to be taken care of & loved.
The quicker you realize you are a SUCKER, the quicker you will bring healing. You’re not a veteran. You’re a sucker. A sucker for believing that this country was worth fighting for. And for thinking you did something right by serving. All you did was pad the stock price of oil companies and Halliburton
Not just veterans have PTSD episodes but so does our first responders sometimes from experiences they may experience in the field good job officers and msp I have a brother who was a combat veteran Iraq war veteran and he has PTSD bad he sometimes has violent flash backs from his combat experience and what he saw over there our veterans need help not to be shoved away into another wall im glad there's msp and other law enforcement personal out there who helps veterans thank you law enforcement
I’m not a Vet., but I have severe CPTSD at times. If people get in my personal space in the middle of a flashback, I’m likely to freeze and completely shut down, potentially to the point of literally passing out from fright. Or, they may trigger my fight response and I will instantly become paranoid as heck and I won’t trust even those closest to me. God help if they trigger me enough to actually physically fight back, because I can’t control the punches that get thrown then. Lived through a war zone of a childhood. Different kind of war, but I frequently feel on edge and on guard. Can’t turn it off.
I’m a gulf war veteran I had bad experiences with Elkins police who tensed up after learning that I was in Iraq, police need to know excessive force and torture are not only illegal under the Constitution 8 th Amendment but also the Geneva Convention ( Hors de combat) and UN treaties, how can you justify in your defense LITERALLY disrespecting the millions of good Americans , indicted by the RED stripes of our flag that same flag you display, is the blood we shed , whit is the truth and blue canton valor , this video shows decent police officers, we are not thugs, but I’ve noticed your sector and space is of , before you what ever ego driven complex issues, yes training and discipline and civilian oversight are definitely needed, people’s rights don’t end where your feelings began , example is if I’m in a fire fight with an enemy combatant they surrender, at this point my prisoner is to be treated humanely and medically attended if necessary, THE US DOES NOT TORTURE!
People have to remember even us civilians that got assaulted without reason, also has PTSD! Not funny to have the same nightmares about something that wasn't your own fault..
@@montyhades then you get the things wrong, with the mind, traumas and personality. Even civilians that obtain ptsd is life changing. tell me about it, lived with nightmares and flashbacks for 15+ years. after i got assaulted twice for no reason, to the point of near death. So remember, not all traumas are generated by war.
You know I noticed that too, and even the VA workers , that announce their a veteran , sell out is more like it , what ever happened to sedition ? I defend the constitution not the government big difference ,
Most people are afraid of the unknown. Combat veterans have done things many police officers will only train for. Same reason a violent criminal is feared.
@Paul Astill hey bud there's a huge difference from person and government You're lucky they join so you can stay entitled and in your own home and not being thrown on the field after being drafted :>
Im a USMC veteran who served 10 years over seas and i was a gunny officer and i am suffering from mejor PTSD and it bothers me every day and i was in the usmc from may 10 1988- 1998 and right now i have to realize that the guys that i was in the military with they had passed away and not only that but i can't stop thinking about them and i wished it was me that should have died over seas but My whole family was in the military and now i'm struggling hard core from the horrible PTSD that i'm battling with.... I had suffered gun shots through My knees and My left bícep and i am 100% disabled
I am a combat wounded veteran with a 💜 I am scared of the police because not many are trained on this. I had an episode in OKC once and those cops were extremely professional, and all 5 were veterans. My state now, idk man. I didn’t live through that shit, to get smoked at home. So prefer not to call them.
I'm a combat veteran for the Army to Air calvary division and I understand that our troops going to hell and please let me know what I can help out brother of arms please.
Be respectful be courteous and don't touch your weapons it's a trained response to observe others and guess what we notice before you even approach what side you're firearms on
They don’t fucking care. They look at you as someone sick. They’ll come to the call with their hands ready to reach for their gun. So this cop can give this sorry story to the camera with crocodile tears
i even delt with severely sick in the and very dangerous police officer years ago it was a nigthmare what they did to me adn what many do to others for no reason
4;29-4:57 this is the same way you need to talk to any person, if they are angry step back give them some space let them yell if they need to, gentle talking . This is exactly the same for rape victims if they are reliving a trauma the best way to explain it is a dream like state so what the person is seeing in their mind is a lived trauma, their bodies will be tense similar to seeing someone one have a Nightmare , you want to give them space and gently talk to them. What you are witnessing is the body and mind processing and healing the horrors from traumas. Sometimes the body needs to deal and try heal wether anyone else likes it or not. It can be frustrating for the individual and its like waiting for someone to wake from a deep sleep. I hope that helps. If someone has suffered a lot of pain abuse and trauma then this state can intensify , some victims/survivors have never been given the opportunity to express emotions , nor feel them so it is the body processing an enormous amount of things at the same time then add confusion embarrassment or guilt for having a flashback in front of someone who has no concept of it awkwardness Its the body and mind doing to much at once. Its ok to yell wave yours swear whatever you need to do, its ensuring that the individual does not fall back into that broken cult control , weather thats from taking commands or being forced and threatened to operate in a certain way, its trying to coax the individual out of that state so they can calm and gain back control of their bodies and mind. Every individual is unique and every situation is different and sometimes you can feed of another’s energy, so ensuring your own self control , may be you had a tiff with the wife before work, your boss criticised you for something petty, you need to be able to put your own feelings aside and just be a blank listening space for the person in need. Its not something that everyone is good at , every individual has different skill sets Thank you , its great to see this conversation happen.
There's a lot of civilians who inappropriatly escalated the situation before calling police (and lying to police) remember the woman who said a black man who was birdwatching had threatened her in the park only for the video to come out on RU-vid of the woman being the one threatening the guy? Yeah. Happens with vets all the time. They cry "veteran with PTSD" like the boy who cried wolf and you get a massive police response to a situation that the civilian created. That why police have to ask repeatedly what's going on to find out what really happened. Glad they are training police not to overreact and assess the actual situation opposed to the one a civilian exaggerated the hell out of. 70% of "combat veterans" never saw combat. Two out of three that did do not meet the criteria for PTSD (pop shot no where near them, mortar landed 500 yards away, etc). Family is the biggest stresser which is why so many say they miss being deployed. It's the peace deployment gave them that they miss - crazy as that sounds. But when your family is insufferable and calls the police for every little thing these vets would rather die than be with their highly dysfunctional family
The area I'm from is a "patriotic ' area by image. They unfortunately don't have a clue and yes, the law enforcement and public services figures. That's been a no go and advocate being real with this subject. Not check the parades and fundraisers. Most veterans have a skill set far advanced. Wisconin needs to level up.
As a disabled navy vet that is a survivor twice of 22 a day, I have ptsd very bad, even tho I am not a combat vet, we were the navy's elite traing squadron for bombing units with A6-E jets, awaiting my medical discharge I was the launch & recovery troubleshooter as a jet engine mechanic (ADAN), when I downed a jet with multiple problems, maintenence decided to send another crew to fly the same jet for the airshow that weekend, told the pilot I would not fly this jet, he said sailor you know how to work on them we know how to fly them, I launched them off to taxi, then someone ran into the shop & said that jet I just launched just crashed & killed both the pilot & b/n ( bombadier/navigator). I feel I killed those 2 guys, it hurts to this day that I didn't down it again & took the chance of not going to court martial. They would be alive today if I did. Usn disabled veteran ADAN.
Officers need to calm down in general. The idea of officer safety trumping the rights of the individual is absurd and leads us to the “I’m just following orders” type of response which turns to “take it up with the court”. But in the meantime the responding officers respond aggressively or with intention to violate the rights of the individual. Your life will be ruined if not ended on the spot. In short, officers need to chill out and engage more in community relations while performing police duties other than acting as a hammer with everyone else being treated as a nail being smacked into compliance. Better training. Better psych evals prior to employment. Stripping qualified immunity. Better officers in the long run. And no more no knock raids. If you have resources to raid someone with full kit and bearcats you can wait them out until you can apprehend them outside the residence.
With that mindset, all soldiers all over the globe killed "innocents." War is war. I hate it when common folk are killed, but without being in that situation with them, you don't know exactly what happened. Soldiers going onto the battlefield, no matter whose side they are on, are going there to kill. War is ugly, but I don't think "an eye for an eye" is good.
@@roscoeware1234 I already gave answer they were and still they're killing innocent Muslims and their children .it is honest they r giving pain others so shall they must feel same pain
actually yes but the point is if they did kill innocents wouldn’t the shit they say in their sleep or other views tell us what they’ve done? Most soldiers I’ve seen with ptsd say their friends died in their arms or they saw taliban killing children if the people didn’t join them. Not about committing mass genocide and even if that were true wouldn’t the people not want to go to the military? The reputation would be severely low and veterans would warn u about these things. Ok, sure maybe they had to kill innocents because they didn’t know or couldn’t trust them, fine that’s a mistake and they would be punished, but overall if that were true people would have to be forced in the military because it would have a low reputation.
I was a marine never any combat but all the hazing me and my roommate went through mental verbal and physical I ended up finding him slit wrists in the shower
I am a combat vet too. So back off, leave us alone until we do something wrong. Most law enforcement are good, but!!! You've seen it and I for one will react!!! So don't be a gestopho!