Part I: Death & Taxes | The Elder Scrolls Online: Blackwood 

HEY, there might be some SPOILERS under the thing 1:35 Ronin is sponsored by ESO 2:10 Sam doesn’t know what’s happening (Intros) 3:45 Intro cinematic 4:20 Episode Starts 6:10 Background ends 10:20 Sam is exactly as good a waiter as I would expect 11:15 The torture industry and the service industry have a lot in common 13:10 Get consent before touching inside 16:35 Everything Mallory says is threatening 17:50 G 19:00 Slaughter can’t handle 3 tables 20:10 Forgot the world’s name 21:15 No tip 22:35 Blood in the bread 25:45 Grelnock improvises taxes 29:20 Can’t we just murder? 31:40 Pork poisoning 37:15 Night noises 39:25 Rum Tum Jugger 45:10 Battle 1 46:20 This lady really hates Slaughter 50:05 You forgot dessert 56:25 The dice are loyal to Jester 57:00 HDYWTDT 58:05 Quick dice swap 1:02:45 Slaughter is extremely sharp 1:05:15 Specialized in murder and mixology 1:07:25 Majicah and Stahnima 1:09:05 Laura is having a great time 1:15:25 Kristina leaves Laura out to dry 1:16:50 What are lockpicks if not spatulas, persevering 1:18:55 Laura intimidates her dice 1:20:00 Mallory sticks his weiner in the door 1:23:10 A new escape room concept 1:31:00 Jinxing Laura’s luck 1:33:50 Break Starts 1:48:50 Break Ends Battle 2 1:52:50 The luck came all the way around 1:55:10 No reservations 2:02:20 HDYWTDT 2:05:55 New skull 2:11:55 HDYWTDT Gremlock 2:16:00 They just love making Laura roll for things 2:19:15 Burned Journal 2:23:20 Gas vs. bone 2:24:45 Bone serving 2:25:25 Mallory finds a trap 2:33:10 Grelnock has a plan 2:38:00 Mallory is very edible 2:42:20 Uh oht 2:44:40 Upgrading outfits 2:53:10 Battle 3 2:55:45 Give the boss more weapons 3:01:40 FIRE THAT ORDER 3:04:35 Throwing potions 3:06:15 Grelnock whacks the gash 3:14:00 LARPer at a sword fight 3:19:30 Grelnock donates her skull 3:23:50 HDYWTDT (a beautiful character arc) 3:26:30 Slaughter saves the day 3:33:30 Naming the tavern 3:36:50 Episode Ends The in-game start date for the episode was probably discernable if you know Elder Scrolls lore, but that’s way too deep a dive for me to do right now. Mr.Rhexx is a DnD lore channel I really like. It's a good place to find some of the weirder forgotten lore on a lot of monsters. And he used to do Elder Scrolls lore videos, so it's on brand for this. Any moments I missed? Feel free to post them here. Is it Thursday yet?

Mallory is Caduceus's Darkest Timeline.

That is a nice twist on the "You start in a Tavern" cliche

Sam really bringing the "can't spell Slaughter without laughter" as a character.

“There was death and taxes, and taxes was worse, because at least death didn't happen to you every year.” - Terry Pratchett.

"They ordered the pork at this time of hour, I don't trust them..." I'm dead

I want them to open a chest and Matt Mercer shouting: A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ah yes, the proprietors of the Dreary Jug: - two badass warriors with all of the braincells in the party - a literal magical girl - a grumpy deadpan cook - actual irl sam riegel

"Every dish you describe sounds like a threat" So many great one-liners in this.

Laura: rolling worse than ever before Talisen: unlocks a century old door with bacon

Tal is finally playing his true character.... A pissed off cook

“My name is Slaughter Grimm, and I will be your server tonight.” Best line in this whole episode. 😂

Slaughter misses every attack except the killing blow, how poetic

Taliesin's "Apologise to them cus it's terrible, they ordered it too early, they should know better." is a hospitality MOOOD

Vox machina can’t get past a door, Mallory picks lock with smoked sausage....

Man this Elder Scrolls x Overcooked DLC is looking really good.

I love that Aabria is just like, "we're going to kill him right?" And Laura's like "yeah probably, but let me look first."

Matt Mercer naming his bird after Mehrunes Dagon is the most Matt Mercer thing I have yet seen since mixing 20 year old Scotch with Coke.

Taliesin really just made “we serve food, drinks too, I cook, not much else to say” into a character

Sam pretending to be a minimum wage Server REALLY reinforces the "rich sam knows nothing about the common people" joke

i haven't gotten very far but..... "this is my DREAM" about being a waiter is probably one of the funniest things i've ever heard

“The Gang Commits Tax Evasion”

Sam: My character is Slaughter. Me: Oh great, he's gonna be the buff boy and be badass. Sam in a high pitched whine: Can you repeat that, please? Me: AH yes, the classic Reigel bait and switch.

And that was "The Timid Arognian Server : Book one"

Talisen is just playing the personification of every line cook.

Slaughter might be Sam's best worst character yet. This man is gifted when it comes to creating disaster characters that end up having the most badass moments

“Pork’s under done.” Like that’s ever stopped a Wood Elf before.

Taliesin's character is like a mix between Caduceus and his "The Owlbear" from the Darrington brigade

I just worked 40 hours in 3 days at my restaurant, I’m only 20 minutes in, and this is the most damn accurate roleplay of the food industry I’ve ever seen.

Laura's Grelnok, running back out of a cave to fetch torches and supplies is the most Elder Scroll thing ever xD

I don't know about the rest of y'all, but I would totally watch a full campaign with this group

Slaughter, in tears: it's everything I didn't want to do! Grelnok, pointing how he has yet to hit something: well you're still not doing it... Slaughter, instantly calmed down: oh yeah, good =) That had me in tears goddamn

"burned journal kind of sounds like you're southern trying to speak french" is perhaps my favorite thing ever said

When I first heard they were going to do an Elder Scrolls one-shot I was like "ooh what are they gonna do? Adventurers doing a dungeon crawl, mercs fighting in the war?" Nope, they're running a tavern... Which given what most roleplayers in ESO do these days, is actually very appropriate.

I love that this time around Sam knew better and named all of his family

11:20 Sam: "I don't like the whole torture business. I'd rather work the service industry" I think you're just a masochist

1:49:47 Taliesin's "it's very hard to roll a 2" hits WAY different after C2 Ep140 o_o haha

"This critrole one-shot here, it just...works." - Todd Howard

I have never heard a more threatening waiter than Taliesin. It's amazing.

I love how this is basically a one shot dedicated to naming a tavern

I cook in a tavern for a living and Tal is actually shockingly accurate in his portrayal of a cooks contempt.

Sam's character is the victim of poor HR. Clearly, he would be much better suited with a more clerical task. Like business strategy, marketing or bookkeeping.

Sam is SUCH a good sport hahah while others are angry at their dice, sams just having a swell old time with his shitty rolls - love it

It is so impressive how Matt sees the map and positions in his head. He literally pictures it and answers questions about flanking. Very impressive. I also love how he sticks to rules and knows exactly when it's okay to break them to keep the story fun and engaging 😍🙂

I'm really getting to love these one-shots because it means the crew can try their utmost to throw Matt off due to almost VIOLENT amounts of disaster-chaos energy.

“Why does every menu item you say sound like a threat!?” MOST ACCURATE THING SAM EVER SAID IN ANY GAME

Mallory is so competent as a cook and clearly hates it so much. Perfect Dunmer characterization.

Talesin: "very hard to roll a two... *** plane shift *** Melora, the Wildmother: "You should try with percentile die..." Talesin: "I am not responsible for whatever accents appear in this conversation."

can we talk about how much i love laura's hair in this oneshot? she really pulls off the viking braids. absolutely badass.

Slaughter needs to PAY THE COURT A FINE. Because he’s stolen my heart.

Missed opportunity to call the tavern Mehrune's Flagon

well, time to make a druid that thinks bird nests are a valid form of currency.

Taliesins character is a cross between Owlbear man and Cadeuceus and I'm here for it.

Mallory's disappointment that the sandwich platter was untouched and the frustration that he had to dish out an inferior product just resonates a bit too much with me😅

Taliesin's character is what would happen if his Owlbear character from Darrington Brigade would enter cathering business. I love it.

Leave it to Mercer to make a sponsorship one of the most fun rpg games I've ever watched. So much fun!

Slaughter at the end of the fight: "You've been served, good sir. Now please, leave our respectable establishment."

“YOU! Come get some food and a drink!” Me: Yes ma’am.

I live for Taliesin laughing so hard that his face turns deeply red.

I feel like the whole intro was just "I really hated my service jobs. And now, for your amusement..." and I love it.

Don't worry about the corpse in the shed guys. It's the Elder Scrolls universe. Even if a guard finds it they'll just exclaim "I'll find whoever did this" and walk away after staring for 1.5 seconds.

Talesin’s impression of a line cook is spot on and as a waiter myself I can only say Sam, god fucking dammit dude just god fucking dammit

It’s been 10 minutes and I already know I would die for Slaughter

Things I've noted: 1. Taliesin's character is the best (as usual) 2. This group is very disorganized (as usual) 3. Laura looks GORGEOUS! (as usual)

13:40 "I don't trust anyone that orders the pork at this hour"... God-DAMNIT Talesin, why are you so amazing?

Aha, so Matt is taking a page out of Liam's book for bland, everyday beginning scenarios for his players. That was one of the most hilarious things I've seen, I was cackling all night.

Honestly this group should have a sitcom, the intro was so funny. Set up perfectly for it. Who knows what wacky events will happen at their Tavern!

"I thought there was a 4th door, I was about to take a hostage!" This might be one of the funniest off the cuff jokes I've ever heard Sam make LOL. I almost choked laughing LOL!

"It's very hard to roll a 2, let me tell you." Sure, Tal, sure.

I'm surprised "The List" didn't also make the list since everything else did. This combination of players is absolute gold, btw. If this got turned into a full campaign, I'd watch every damn second of it.

this is taliesin's best character ever holy shit i love this

I have a sneaking suspicion Will Wheaton has visited the studio while everyone was out, and handled everyone's dice. "And I'm gonna slam it into the gash!" Laura Baily special right there. When Sam said he was closing his eyes for that last attack I was expecting Matt to make him roll at disadvantage.

Taliesin Jaffe: doesn’t need the Bless spell to remind you to add your d4’s

Honestly, I could have just watched 3 hours of them running the restaurant. I love these people.

As a Restaurant Manager, I would hire them all on the spot.

*PCs as Oblivion memes:* Mallory: **gets crushed by stone pillar** Gremlock: **walks over and crouches down** May you rest in peace. **giant stone pillar noises** **SQUISH** QUEST UPDATED Slaughter: I hope I can help? ... Necromancy may be legal in Cyrodiil, but few will openly admit to practicing it now that the Mages Guild has banned it. Slaughter: You're PATHETIC! **proceeds to miss every single shot** Mallory: I don't know you, and I don't care to know you. Hwa: I love dogs, doesn't everyone? Mallory: **attacks dog** hyahah!

Thank the gods for Sam’s presence he always adds such a great comedic element

why did they hire geralt as their cook

The fact that the sandwich platter is literally also the ploughmans platter kills me

Not only did Sam get the kill and Laura didn't believe it. He actually saved her life too which is the more impressive part. Also Michelle was super good. Clearly a very experienced player who was on top of her shit. Was really nice to see.

I love how no matter what character it is Sam is always the comedic relief in the group. I love this guy

I love how there was a note filled with lore, that was so very Elder Scrolls.

if this were actually part of the Elder Scrolls universe when the elf picked up the wine bottle that he didn't own in the bar, everyone in the building would have immediately pulled out their weapons and/or spells and attacked him relentlessly. immersion broken.

Aabria has great energy: committed yet chill. Michelle demonstrated optimistic youth meets real life perfectly w/, "I'm gonna lay down for a second." 2:04:25 Taliesin gives yet another flawless characterization amid foundationally reliable talents of cast & DM. We are so spoiled! 🥰🤗

I am 100% convinced Matt secretly "voiced" the gates within the draugr ruins in Skyrim xD

Sam’s first fucking line as slaughter! I LOVE HIM! I WOULD DIE FOR HIM! ASAHHHhHhHhHh

I still have an hour to go, but I have to say: I am in love with these characters. Like, they might be a little bit naive and share together half a brain cell - but they're trying! And what else can a person do then giving their best to keep their still unnamed tavern going. Everyone fakes it 'till they make it.

Okay I have no idea "who" Aabria is or why she's suddenly all over the Critterverse, but I love her intensely. She's... *very* CritRole.

"I hit him with a stick. I'm that guy now." - Taliesin making a Shadiversity reference? Could we be that lucky?

12:20 A masochist born into a family of super sadists. Wow.

Missed opportunity for Sam to play as a Khajiit and say “do you skooma?”

"I'm not that edible, I know where I've been"

Lore-wise Bosmer would be the least worried about undercooked pork

Listen. Everyone did such a great job here. But can we talk a minute about how awesome Aabria's and Laura's makeup and hair were?

I'm 25 minutes into this one-shot and I hope that this will be just four hours of them trying to run a tavern. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time!

Taliesan: "It's very hard to roll a 2." Taliesan in ep 140: "......"

Please make this a series. I know it says part one but I love these characters and it’d be awesome to continue their story Bethesda! Also, Matt, you’ve talked about wanting crit role to eventually grow beyond the main cast playing campaigns and bring in new people, this would be a dope semi trial run.... Plus Aabria and Michelle are DOPE!

Sam infusing Tal's weapon to heal him when Tal gets a hit is hilarious and genius 😂

the most ambitious crossover in history

Taliesin's character was created with such intent and I love it.