I heard this joke 5 years ago. Fast forward to now, I just saw Jerry Macquire for the first time, I drank 8 beers while watching it, kinda drunk. I really enjoyed the movie. When he said "We live in a cynical world" I died fucking laughing, I suddenly remembered this Patton joke I heard years ago. Laughed so hard in fact I woke up my pregnant wife. Came to RU-vid to relive the joke, thanks Patton lol. I will always have this on my mind.
@@HotaruZoku It's a reference to an old Latin poem about 3 kings in the woods being confronted by 3 dead kings who warn them about the dangers of excessive pleasure and materialism.
I could be the worst kind of person, and say the most obnoxiously and nauseatingly trite of things... which is, well... You know how they say laughter is the best medicine... I know. I'm sorry. I can't help myself. But in all seriousness? I've suffered from severe and deep-seated chronic depression my entire life, as well literally crippling anxiety. As well as a whole host of other emotional and situational problems that, well, frankly? By themselves, make one hell of a case for Doctor Kevorkian. I'll just put it that way. But with all of the triteness of that previous comment, completely aside, honestly what has always and invariably helped me get over and through some of the absolute most devastating and Soul crushing moments in my life... It always has, always is, and likely always will be to the magic of Comedy. Legitimate, truly talented, relatable and compelling comics. That old expression, if I didn't laugh I would cry? It's been a lot more accurate to phrase it, if I didn't laugh, I'd have laid down and literally died. so yeah, I completely get it. And if your depression runs any way similar to mine, I know how completely exhausting that struggle is... But I can't recommend enough that, When things are getting really bad, hopefully before they do, you continue to seek out Comics that you resonate and relate to, and most importantly, who make you laugh. Keep on fighting, keep on laughing. And good luck.
I love this guy. He's good with his words. His role on King of Queens was funny but masked his true talent. I am now realizing how funny he really is. Keep going Patton!
My mom takes Ambien, and once we were both woken up at 12am by the fire alarm. When she came out of the house she said where's Carly (me), I said I'm right here, and then she said no, where's Carly, to which I said (more loudly) mom, I'm right here, to which she responded no, Carly, the little girl who lives here. It was like something out of The Grudge. Also once she took her pill but didn't go to bed soon enough and ate an entire cherry pie. Ambien's a hell of a drug.
Patton is likely one of his generation's best comedians. I'm pretty jaded and difficult to entertain, but he has me laughing aloud in almost every bit. It's probably because of his mastery of language.
This is crazy. I took it the other day it felt like 50 parts of my brain were trying to dream at once. This is so accurate it's scary. I wish I had watched this first.
I once had butt sex on Ambien. My then-wife was into it and so was I. The next morning, I barely remember it, and she remembers nothing. Ambien...for Butt-Secks.
@@Rustikreign How is one supposed to “instantly” reply to a comment that is a year old already? 😂 I mean, jeez. Remind me never to ask you for a cup of instant coffee - I’d die of thirst! 😂😂😂
I once lived in a basement apartment and the landlord lived upstairs and would regularly take ambien. He would routinely eat in his sleep and one night set the house on fire because he put a cheese quesadilla thing in the microwave and set it to 20 minutes instead of two. That was an interesting night.
I like ambien. I do have some odd dreams. I usually get six hours of nice sleep, sometimes I awaken sort of mildly shocked or startled about what I was dreaming, need to empty my bladder. That done I drift of for another hour or two, wake up again similarly. Since I am retired I sometimes go back to sleep again then I’m up no hangover, clear, ready to go.
"I'm seeing dead kings!" Holy shit, I forgot about that line! That Jerry Maguire joke is SOOOO good. One of my favorite stand-up jokes of all time; just going off of pure funny and not making a socio/political statement in the form of a joke.
@@IETCHX69 It's called conversing, and is the exact same thing as when you talk to people in real life about movies or TV shows and discuss your favorite parts. It's a stupid fucking thing to get pissed off about.
Ambien makes me cook and eat Bertolli meals in a bag while they are still on the stove!!! And I've eatin protein bars w Tom cruise and American Indians in my kitchen. Then I told the girl I was on the phone with , that there are pigs u dee my bed and she was one of them!! Hahahah she was like what!?!?!?
In what world would a random person feel the need to comment on someone other random person's comment intimating heartfelt condolences? Well, I guess this world.
His Jerry Maguire bit is on I heart radio I must've listen to that one over 1000 times I can recite it by heart. When he takes that pauses and says "my favorite Christmas memory of all time" in that evil Ratman voice that he has I get way too excited. That and in San Antonio we had the exact same galaxy multiplex
I remember when I took some ambien once. I didn't go to sleep for hours, though. It felt like I was on a fucking LSD trip. I swear to God, I'm not kidding, I thought all the furniture in the room were all my best friends (not resembling particular best friends irl, but they just seemed like "people" that I really liked) and that the moon was "spying" on me. Like I'd done something bad and it was going to get me. Then, some time after it took effect, a friend came into the room and started watching some lesbian porn, just disregarding me being all fucked up. And the moments where I actually paid attention to what was on the screen, I didn't get sexually aroused at all (like I probably would while sober), but I literally started to cry a little, and thought of it as "beautiful". Not hot or sexy, but "beautiful", like an art piece or something. But then I finally fell asleep. I didn't try it again, but I get what Patton's saying. It's very trippy, depending on who you are.
***** I dig that story. I used to take it all the time - had to, unfortunately, due to horrific insomnia, but i remember i had a lot of great, colorful visions on the ceiling of my pitch-black room in that pre-sleep half hour oswalt talks about. a couple of other things i remember pretty clearly: *a conversation with painted James Dean (I had Boulevard of Broken Dreams hanging over my bed) * another conversation with the characters in some Harry Potter painting, which also hung above my bed, despite the fact that I'm not a Harry Potter fan. I guess I just liked the Van Gogh-type style of it. And they weren't just one-way conversations, either - those sons of bitches were talkin' back.
JoggingOnTheMoon Yeah, it works to put you to sleep by sort of "activating" or turning on the unconscious mind, which is the part of your brain that works when you sleep and makes you dream, which theoretically should put you to sleep. But sometimes it doesn't, and you're left having a dream while still awake, which explains the trippiness. It's just an "awake dream". I actually feel like taking it again now...
I can only imagine. Only experiences ive had with pills. Vicodin - thought i was talking to my friend for hours and it wasnt real at all. Clonazepam (spelling?) thought clouds were coming out of my feet.
I saw the movie Identity, and the reveal of the killer at the end, I stood up and said "I KNEW IT!!!" Scared everyone in the theater. My Proudest moment.
Oh my God, I love that twist at the end of that movie. As I remember, I saw it in theaters, and I also predicted the twist at the end well in advance, as well, haha. :-) And hardly anybody remembers that movie. It's honestly one of my favorite movies and guilty pleasures. I find the plot as well as the way that they executed it very intriguing.
The absoluted greatest would be if you could arrange a screening of "Jerry Maguire" in the health club that's now where the Galaxy 6 used to be located and then scream that line at the screen at that exact moment in the film. ;-D
I love it, because I know somethings about to go wrong in my dreams. I have no control in them, everything goes wacked. Then it turns to "Ashlyn Gere" and I am happy again!!!
Last time I took Mucenex, I was competing in a Judo competition and I broke out in hives and had Respiratory problems, and the hives were burning me. Took me an hour of hot water shower to stop the burning. I lost big time, just collapsed on the floor. Good times
Ahh this takes me back to the first summer I came back home after living in the college dorm. Stuff's just weird and different, but you're only there to sleep and you're only going to be around for like 3 months, so it's not worth even complaining. My mom would take Ambien and then just...not go to sleep. I would be trying to sleep on a futon mattress on the floor of my room, and she would be in there on the one computer in the house playing freecell until 3:30am, getting weirder and weirder on Ambien. About the time she'd start hallucinating, she'd leave and go to bed.
Patton, Jim Gaffigan, Louis CK, Kathleen Madigan, Chris Rock, Ricky Gervais.... I wish they were my friends. I would just call them up, "Hey, what are you thinking about? That's so funny."
I know someone who took ambien and they woke up the next day to see a bucket of fried chicken on the table. Meaning they'd *driven* to a KFC in the middle of the night and come home, but had no memory of it, and they stopped taking it after that. Because they rightfully were worried about driving while not being lucid.
I have something in common with the brother in this sketch, because I hated the whole experience of Jerry Maguire and wanted to scream obscenities at the screen, too.
I was prescribed ambien yesterday. I took one and nothing happened. Then I took another. Apparently fell asleep. When I woke up my bottle was empty. What the hell??? Now I'm screwed and can't sleep. Thanks Ambien !
The issue is not about Ambien dreams. Rather the issue is about Ambien "dream" sex. However to get the best part, to reach the summit, which means the pinnacle of Ambien the "dream" sex part. Both partners must take Ambien together and at relatively the same time. Otherwise it's simply extremely weird because the amnesia part of it is wasted. Lol
I once took Ambien at a glamping trip (house in the woods on a 90 acre property). I woke up in my jeans and t-shirt in the hot tub with my mouth half submerged blowing bubbles. Never again.
I don't even take sleep meds and sometimes my dreams end up that random. "Cue talking velociraptors trying to break into my house. But the phone rings and I'm getting ordered to come into work, trying to explain to my boss that it's dangerous for me to leave the house... but wait, it's the velociraptors on the phone, trying to trick me. And for some strange reason my ex is there the entire time wanting to have sex..."
Yeah I think about that all the time. Like damn I wish i was friends with these awesome, funny, cool comedians. Wish i could just call up patton, invite him over and we just drink scotch and smoke weed. That's my dream
I take ambien every night to go to sleep..It does make for interesting dreams, but even more interesting is that I don't remember the night before after taking ambien...But it's what works for me. :) LOL Thought this was hilarious by the way!
"Jerry Maguire" is one of my favorite movies, but what Patton's brother said is hilarious; he must've really hated that lovey-dovey scene between Tom and Renee at the end!
I take Ambien but as intended for my Insomnia and he's kinda right you do feel really good when it starts to work but I think it's because it just naturally feels good to get sleepy?
actually my thing is that it can DRAAAASTICALLY alter my personality, like Tyler Durden-levels lol... So I just need to be on the ball more about that once I take the dose, actually getting into bed as soon as possible, not sitting up remaining on the computer. Because boy oh boy did I have ZERO MEMORY when I very awkwardly found out about some sent emails or message board posts the night before :-/
I could go into the pharmacology or the neurobiology of this, but all I can do is laugh... Yes. The crazy shit that happens in between taking the Ambien and finally falling asleep... it truly is something else. Xanax is very much the same way. I wake up the next morning after having taken Xanax or Ambien the night before, and feel like I'm a fucking CSI team or a goddamn detective trying to figure out exactly what the fuck I had gotten up to in the 30 minutes to an hour in between taking my meds and finally falling asleep the night before.
really? never met anyone who said that.. I used to take them when I felt over tire to get rid of that weird eye pressure feeling and it kept me awake but nicely relaxed and fearless.
I have limited room on my DVR but this will never be erased. Patton is fucken funny. Some people get married have kids and their comedy falls behind all else. Not Patton he's golden. All those no name comics out there need to stop trying to be HA HA funny and just be Hmm funny. They will thank themselves later. "PAINTING THE GARAGE!!" LMAO so hard I almost literally did.
