A huge shout out to Pen and Pen for such a real,needed conversation gents... I Love this Conversation particularly because I went through a depressing state for a while after a break up , it put a humungous toll on my wellbeing,my physical .. nights felt like never ending chaotic warzones bro... It was terrible, the turning points was surrounding myself with people who deeply Love me, family and friends, especially family.. laughing alot in the process.. at my lowest point, I was looking in the mirror and saw a broken man full of self loathing and pity, I acknowledged what I was going on, but I also knew there's another fucken amazing version on me inside, An Asset to my Family and the world. I looked straight into the eyes of that self pity folk and told his ass he ain't winning.. got on the Ground and started doing pushups, daily morning jogs, and I never stopped betting on myself ever since.. 1% each day, let it compound.. I love you mates. With your "gay" handshake 🤣🤣. You guys are top G's.
In all honesty i did not understand depression but my friend once raised i might be depressed since i didnt sleep nor eat, and i was sad over something i cant pine point but at the same time there are a couple of factors in my life that easily could depress me, but the all alpha syndrome always takes place. I am able to overcome this through faith and your knowledge.. thanks guys
I once got burned by a somebody at some point in life; I lost weight; I avoided socialising with friends and I kept asking myself "why is this happening to me?" what kept me going in those dark days was me knowing that my goals and ambitions were far more important than any lost love, so i channeled my energy into making myself better not to spite anyone (look at me now type of vibes) but to prove to myself that i am worthy of success. At the end of it all, i developed the attitude "with or without you " and i have been strong ever since.
I like the distinction Penson makes between married and single guys. Its one of the main reasons I have decided to remain single and kidless for now...“don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner”? This quote from the legendary Diniro sums up my philosophy when it comes to attachment. Married men are going through the pits and they cant dash in and out of situations like us single guys ene goa nnyewa in marriages...your wife can cuckhold you and you'd still have to show up and pretend all is well especially if you are couple goals. To the young men out there, don't rush to get married or make babies until you are fully secured, emotionally, financially etc....
I feel you brother - society and its inequities have led me to put a pause on my intentions to commit to building a family, as well. People often say external factors should not sway one's decisions BUT unfortunately the "project" - for lack of a better word - of creating a family unit requires one to involve other members of the society, which in this case are the in-laws. That realisation alone is dreadful if you take into consideration how our communities and families are dysfunctional.
@@dumisanisangweni2318 exactly bro...because of inequality we always start from the back of the line and it takes us time to finally be secure enough to build a family, couple that with the crazy world we live in today...im 35 years young and im in no rush...I can settle down at any age with any women of any age within the legal jurisdisction...look at guys like Kenny Kunene and Sello Maake....
@@Mrtdogg101 Errh, maGrootman, I then wonder if we are actually going in the right direction as african brothers. I mean at this point it seems like we are mice on a wheel chasing cheese, which we'll never get. Maybe we are not a journey of our own after all. Maybe we are chasing after the wind.
@@Mrtdogg101 As it's said, a Man's peak is after his late 20s (and can even go way into their 50s), according to Rollo Tomassi I stand to be corrected on the ages exactly, but around there
As a woman I fail to understand and choose not to further comment. Its just triggering that men get act out of fear and pressure and woman get to endure double the fear and pressure because they are now left alone. It will never be okay. But I understand we are wired differently and as a boy mom of 2, these conversations give me insight to the psyche of a man.
Sometimes it can be the opposite of those “Lack of” symptoms, you can start overeating or going out more for drinking with “friends” and neglecting responsibilities. Great conversation Gents❤
It's high time we accept that humans are fragile - men and women alike. If we step away from the misconception of "indoda must...." We would aid in decreasing the pressures. We also come from a long line with the "board of directors" also regurgitating through us hence the pain cuts deeper than words can explain 😢 love and light to all going through the most ❤
I struggled to find this episode. RU-vid even had me clicking a disclaimer so I think this might be shadow banned and this is a conversation that needs to reach as many ears as possible.
Gents... The pressure, the pressure and like Penson says People who are single and dom't have kids will never understand what it means to be in some of our situations I primarily left facebook because I for one, I used to post about things I was going through and people would ignore those posts except for a few and bless them. There's this notion that people don't wanna see you going through shit I always think that I've never been despressed because it's never been diagnosed and you would entertain thoughts of suicide but I am not suicidal and I looked at it as a phase because when you move on from a situation then you're able to bounce back And we have this thing that black people go to church instead of therapy but now I'm unable to do work (like with the amount of problems I have, I can't bring myself to work (I'm even doubting my abilities to be creative and things fall behind) I have been on this journey of self rediscovery but it's hard to know where to start but journalling has helped me address the root of some of my problems and it helps to get you to the next stage and then you get stuck again and it repeats itself. I can related fully with your brother... I don't drink alone and never during the week, I don't enjoy my own company but I could be amongst people but feel alone and now I have resorted to being alone Friends at time don't know what you're going through because they might be in a different space and I know it with myself because if you can't empathise with someone, you won't understand it. I think it is something that you go through over time and it cumilates And people think you have it together because who you represent to them and they've looked up to you because they never knew and you're placed on a padistal It's hard man
Thank you for this session 🙏 You know at the end you touched on something that was profound... And I am going to touch on what your brother said before and I've highlighted this, and it's how these situations can be turned around into triumphs because when you make it past all of it, you come out a better man from the lessons I can't remember who said this but it was along the lines of there's a version of you that has won the lotto and we just need to tap into that "personality" And I've been fascinated by how people turn their lives around after a near death experience and how you can tap into without having to go through the ordeal
There are many causes for depression but one of the ones that were highlighted by an author I can't remember (Robert Greene or Peterson) is incongruence between the outer self and the inner self. Many Men and women do this a lot, whereby they they build lives around what society expects them to be and do not follow their real desires. This causes a conflict in emotion when things get difficult because what ever it is that you built your life around is not what you wanted anyway. It's easier to bounce bag from hardship and heartbreak when you do not feel like you sacrificed chasing your dreams to be in that marriage or job. You can find entrepreneurs or corporate folks who have lost it all but still remain positive because what they are doing is aligned with their true inner self. Society often doesn't give people a chance to find their true innerself. Making money, finding a spouse and raising children is more important. People fall in to these traps. These traps break years in when people get older or face divorce. With young guys it is despair. A mans worth is based on his ability to provide. With women graduating more than men, women earning better in the young generation and men being unemployed. Young men feel worthless. They feel like their lives are not going anywhere, they are not having sex (which is very important for young mens health), they are not dating and have not status. These things a crucial for men's health. For women not so much. Women's health relies on different criteria however, women are competing with men and in the education and corporate spaces are beating and taking over men. Women identity and status are not tied to their ability to earn however men's are and women are pushing men out of the spaces to earn. Also a woman who cannot earn can still get married and reproduce while a man who cannot earn will not reproduce and earn. When men can't progress and earn they end themselves.
😂maara I love you guys. Besides the relevant conversations and profound topics that you guys have, both of you guys are awesome humans and we appreciate you'll.
On the aspect falling into depression specifically because of a failing relationship due to cheating (il leave out the other aspects of relationship failure); this is due in part because of dependency, where a person puts all his/her hopes and happiness entirely on the shoulders of the partner, forgetting that you were a person way before you met that person, self love is the first form of love i think every person should have, knowing that on your own you are enough. In life some people come and go, and the fact that someone cheated on you means you were not important enough to be kept hence the deed, if they cared that much for your well being, they would not put you in such a situation. Also one must know that not everyone out there is out to get you, at some point the right person will come and treat you with the respect that you deserve and you must be ready to reciprocate the same.
Great convo; men need to speak more about this like in the days of the old, we would meet in a men's circle in a mountain somewhere just to HEAR each other on the pains we go through daily. Shou out Pen and Pen (Pensons needs to learn to speak into the mic like Penuel 😂 😂 😂 )
At times I do feel like i'm being selfish because they too could be going through stuff but you choose to place your problems above those of others... I'm sorry for the many posts but I hope I'm coming through perfectly I'm not very articulate and my mind tends to wonder a lot and overthink things Sadghuru says sometime these things we are going through is because we bring them upon us by thinking ourselves into these situations I wish I could be free thinking like he does, carefree and clear thinking
Thank you for chatting about such important topics. I'm finding myself getting triggered listening you guys at times but I also had to understand that this topic was for men and not us ladies. I'm getting to understand some actions from a man's point of view which is really appreciated. Just a correction to Penuel, Sindisiwe allegedly stabbed Flaba only once.
I think you stroke a cord there Penson! I think in retrospect it is best that the 'intoxicated' should be away from the family until he or she get things better. My sibling had a very toxic husband after he lost his job! For more than 10 years she didn't speak about it! Now the rot in their marriage is deep! The damages are certainly irreparable, the divorce is imminent... unfortunately the kids as well bore the brunt as well the 1st hate men and marriage! Because of the experience with her father... when Sjava said ''kube ngangazi'' his new album reminded me exactly of this situation... Good conversations guys, it shouldn't stop.
If I may have 1 request myself @Penuel and @Penson is for you guys to talk on how you have garnered this intellectual prowess. How do you guys maximise the absorption of information, then get way of dissecting it into teachable chunks. I really am yearning to learn and understand such. My big request 🙏
Oh ya part of the reason I'm not dating is being broke and we can't run away from that... You'd find a woman who says that they don't mind but trust me, it hits home when you can't pay for the dinner date We have been induced that men provide and there's nothing worse than not being able to provide You go through it with your daughter and now magnify it to a woman and I would silently exit and these explode to abuse if they are not checked I agree with your brother about distancing yourself from dating because it just adds to the pressure that you could be better off alone I want to go back to my brother and I... it has gotten to a point where we don't speak and would pass each other and I know the problem is on my side and it's brewing I'm trying to get help and I'm sharing too much I'll leave it there
I live with my brother and he's single, I'm a single dad I look at his life and he can't even relate to what I'm going through, that has created distance between us He doesn't have the same pressures I have and there are things that he does that you think he would do things differently and you judge You can't even go to him to share your problems because in my silence, you'd think he could detect that something is off and that's a problem with us men that at times we don't speak out You are lucky that you can relate to your brother but I guess some of these things are caused by living with them and yours and their behavior drives you apart In my head I want fix things but when they're here, you avoid I have also resorted to stop dating because I need to sort myself out before you become or bring your problems to them and this has been a conscious decision I've taken
I mean no disrespect. I mean not to be insensitive. Depression is an umbrella. Call it as it is. As an African male you are not depressed, you are broke. You are not depressed, you are bullied. You are not depressed, you are dehumanized. You are not depressed, you are not good enough to women you find attractive. You are not depressed, you are unemployed. You are not depressed, you are under pressure. You are not depressed, you are ignored. You are not depressed, you cannot support children. You are not depressed, evil men both black and white prey on you being vulnerable when you seek help for "depression". Nonsense! I am vexed.
Oaks please don't stop using the kind of language that might be deemed "vulgar". You could just add the🔞sign and be as comfortable as possible with your speech, then probably live the "clean" speech when you've got Grootman Sbu around.
⭐Opinionated Analysis(Under correction)⭐: Back then Males Depression is a necessary emotion. It's basically the body telling you to talk to people with the same value as you. NB: What if it's the people around you, who are leading you that state? The ancient way was to then go hunting in the wild where you will test yourself(This may have been a mitigation of depression ) Females: The strategy for them was to occupy themselves with chores and food inventory and medicinal things. Now Males and Females: We have managed to blur the lines between roles among the sexes. I'm not saying these were set in stone(I'm sure women hunted as well). Summary: Evolutionary coping mechanisms are no longer there.
Pen and Pen how about yall do a handicap match vs Mandisa on the battle of the sexes...who has it worse men and women (black) and how we can find a common ground.
