POV: Your Fiancé is OVER WEDDING PLANNING 🤬 

My fiancé doesn’t know he’s my fiancé yet.

My husband wanted a court house wedding, and is very shy and doesnt like being the center of attention (he starts to stutter when he is nervous). I wanted to celebrate with more people that mattered, but i also dont like being the center of attention. We love to have parties and spend quality time with people who matter. So thats essentially what we wanted from our wedding. After some talking and research we decided on a surprise wedding, disguised as an engagement party. This might sound stressful, but it took a lot of pressure off from people pushing their own agendas of what our wedding should be, and losing site of what we wanted for us and having others thoughts and opinions sway us. We both also have personal issues with immediate family, some not being in our lives anymore, and a lot of wedding traditions focus on a traditional family, that we do not have. A lot of things didnt make sense for us, which fueled our decision for a surprise wedding. We also live in Pennsylvania, where they have a "self uniting marriage license". We had dinner with our 4 closest friends (maid of honor and best man included), signed our paper, then had our reception disguised as an engagement party at an american legion (our house isnt big enough for 50ish people). We announced at the end of night we were married. We wanted everyone to have fun first, like our house parties, and not be judging the whole time "this is how they chose to get married" and constantly comparing to traditions. Everyone absolutely loved it! They were surprised and several people stated they wish they had this much fun at their wedding, or were going to have this type of party when they got married. There are tons of ways you can get married and still be true to who you are as a couple. Dont get lost in the traditions and what everyone else wants you to do. Always remind yourself its about celebrating who you are together, the love you have, and creating your life with eachother. Its a celebration of that, not what traditions say love should or shouldnt be or look like.

I'm actually surprised about how opinionated my fiance is with certain aspects of the wedding! I'm doing most of the planning but I do check with him on most things. I think it's actually cute he cares so much.

I wanted the elope and he did not. As I am the type A one in the relationship, I told him that I would not be planning this alone and he had to be involved since the big party was his request… it’s a good thing I set that expectation early because there’s a bunch of things he cared about a ton that I did not give a flying F about. In the end, we got a big party he wanted and I could enjoy.

My partner is awkward with posed photos. We have picked a photographer that specialises in candid photos so we will have a great chance of nice natural photos. Because my partner hates fake smiling I have told him that anytime he feels he is faking to look at me and I will be able to give him that reassurance that he needs. The reality of looking at me in a wedding dress and seeing that this moment is real and we are actually getting married/just married is likely to give him that genuine smile anyway.

Even though my fiancé is mainly just "okay with anything", I'm blessed to say he's been very involved in helping me with decisions, decorations, and invitations. ❤️❤️❤️ But yeah my decision fatigue is shot.

When we started, his only 2 requests were: -no wedding party -breakfast food is good Since then he has also included several songs to the playlist, including a folk cover of Baby Got Back. For everything else, I marrow it down to 4 options, and we discuss those. This way, he doesn't have to slog through the 80,000 options, and I still get his input.

I really wish I could elope but he is NOT on board with that. I'm the one who just wants it all over so I could hang with my immediate family then get to the honeymoon lol.

So my fiancé is so laid back, you could lay carpet on him. Every time I want his opinion, his clarion cry is 'Whatever you want, babe'. He saw his sister get married and plan her wedding essentially solo, because she has pretty extreme anxiety, and he just thought that that was how all wedding planning happened. I, on the other hand, firmly believe that the day is about the PAIR of us, and I refused to make wedding plans before my now fiancé proposed. And before we started wedding planning in earnest, I set out the expectation that he was to be involved as much as possible and that the above phrase was banned. We are both introverts, so I am planning plenty of pockets of time for on the day. He also wants live music, which I'm not as bothered about, but that's OK, I don't hate the idea, so we're incorporating this into our day.

What if neither of us care about the details and just want to show up to a fun party? Are there venues that already look good, so we don't have to think about any of those details? We care about guest, our food and just want to have fun.

My friend and her now husband took brakes from talking about wedding planning - but they had 18 months. During times they were talking about it they agreed to a 15 min limited 4 times a week and weekends off. They did have to do few planning things at weekends earlier on - venue, food, band, picking suits etc and nearer the time. But the long middle they were fairly disciplined and she talked to her girls (me etc) daily instead

I’m such a control freak, I’ve found it difficult to let go of any of the planning, so it’s been really easy to delegate the stuff I don’t care about (beer; suits) to my fiancé and then just let him know what’s going on every now and then. It was his decision to marry and he picked the venue, so I’m quite happy to do the rest. I wanted a quick registry office option, just the two of us; he wanted a party. 🙄 I told him it was everyone or no one on the day, so he’s now stuck with everyone.

If you’re not sending out save the dates when should you send out invites??? Also is Joy a good wedding website maker and gift registry?? I’ve got 4.5 months until I get married and I’m a bit stressed about wrapping up my thesis and getting married.

Our wedding photographer said he will take a lot of candid pictures which is great. Obviously there will be some staged pictures of like us two and our wedding parties, families, etc but he can get a lot of us not noticing hes there. My absolute favorite picture of my fiance and I is actually a candid pucture. I had no idea it was being taken. Find a photographer who specializes in those and it wont feel as awkward with all the pictures ☺️

I definitely had to convey the amount of stress planning was putting on me and work with my partner to delegate tasks to him and some of our family/friends. I don't think he realized how much was involved but it was important to me that it was a group effort. I don't need you to be excited about it, I just need your help.

The way I got my husband interested in photos was by telling him how much we were spending on photography so he better Sam well smile for the camera. lol 😂

Thanks for the tips!😊

I think my boyfriend is going to just go with what i want for the wedding cause he knows ive been “planning” it since i was little so in my indecisive moments i think he’ll be little help😅

Thank you! Not everyone is comfortable with dancing at their wedding. Does anyone have suggestions for other, more introvert-friendly romantic activities?