I underwent a procedure that required this.. oh my, it was a Godsend. Apparently i was "conscious but didnt care" and i didnt. I did start to come out inbetween procedures and I stated "I'm starting to care again!" the nurse said not to worry, i would go under again for the next procedure... I didnt wink out completely until they started the procedure but i didnt feel a thing and could care less something was happening. It was awesome and i am so thankful this exists.... On the other hand, when i first got to the ER they paralyzed me, i was concious but couldnt move. I was screaming in my head that i was awake... I was so scared. I tried so hard to let them know. I forced myself to move... Nothing. I was able to manage to make myself tremble, every ounce of willpower i had and all i could do is shake a little. I had to listen to people talk about my DNR... Dude... I wasnt dead! WTF!? Wake me up and ask me! Im right fucking here! After a while a nurse noticed... "Are we sure he is out?" Oh.... My angel.. i could have kissed her ... Someone slapped my knees together.... "Yup... He's out" - i could have punched that one. This is the most horrible thing... No... I take that back ... Getting intubated, paralyzed, and concious... That was horrifying because they didnt know i was there. After they shut my lungs off the nurse decided to talk about the date she went on instead of getting that tube in there. I literally thought i was going suffocate right there in the hospital. It was the worst pain i had ever felt and i was praying i would lose consciousness... but i didnt... It was horrible, i wanted to die just so it would stop .. and then it went away .. oh thank god... They finally turned the air on .. THEN i lose consciousness...... Yall have a tough job. An important job. Dont fuck it up. On a side note. Nit breathing for yourself .. kinda nice, actually That system never takes a break, uts always on. When the machine took over and i no longer had the burden of breathing... That part of me got its first time off in 40 years... It was oddly sastsfying to not have to breath for nyself.. i cant explain it well, but a small part of me will never forget the one time it got to relax and have a time out ....
