Don't know if Mak will see this, but go and try out rugby. You'll get pummeled, you'll get bruised, maybe you'll stick with it and maybe you won't, but you'll get to say "I tried out something I wanted to try out", and that's what matters. I once went on a spelunking tour. Had a bad fall, injured a ligament, had to crawl out of the cave. I regret the injury and the medical unpleasantness that followed, but I did not for a moment regret trying it, because the experience made me a richer person.
To Alayna: I've been following you for YEARS. I found your page when you were still doing silly Canadian bits. Then you moved to Vancouver and did a dry month and tried veganism. Then you started talking about sexuality, and many other things. All these versions of you, I was totally here for. You have me the gentle space I needed to question my own sexuality. I am here because you are you and it's an honor to witness you explore all these new things that I just happen to also be interested in. And all these new followers through the years going on because they relate to your newest material and stay. The real ones will stay, and new people will find you because of this new thing. You're gonna be okay
Just saw Ashley in Dublin last night and she KILLED it, even with food poisoning. Thank you so much for an amazing show. We loved every minute. I was not the person who kept shouting "I love you", and random references to old bits. I just really feel the need to say that.
You POISONED Ashley Gavin? (Not you personally, but Ireland) Jkjk, we all know it was probably Boeing on the way over. Glad the show went well & that you had a great time. Sincerely, a jealous Welsh person who couldn't get to any of the dates because work
hey can I ask how long the show was? I'll be going in Amsterda tonight and I think I made a mistake by buying the late show because now I have to figure out if I need to leave earlier to catch the last train
Can we, the comment section, start loving on Ashley aggressively and consistently, please? Like, come on, guys! She deserves so much more love sent her way than she is getting. Period! It makes me upset to live in a world where Ashley Gavin gets picked apart for just trying to make people laugh.
Yesss that woman is a fkn powerhouse! Just saw her live and the way she carried the energy and everything when already having done another 2h show before and then signing merch and talking to people afterwards… and doing that one day after another. Its crazy!
I recently found her because of her special and still haven't been able to see her live. (I live in Canada) I can't wait for the day that I can!! (Don't worry, I'm on the text/email list) I bet her incredible energy just fills up the room!
I really like this ashley love train. A few months ago, my boyfriend and I saw you in boston, and we had an absolutely fantastic time. And I've finally experienced the phenomenon of "gays get touchy in public" and I realized that it's in part because we very rarely feel comfortable even holding hands in public let alone get away with some of the shit the straights do. Not only did we get to see a fucking hilarious show, we also got a nice space to just be a normal couple for once. You deserve love ashley! I also don't think you need to feel bad about sponsorships or patreon at all. I used to be a patron of a few creators, but I stopped because it can't be in my budget right now. It's on us to be financially responsible about when and how we can support artists. It's a fully optional service. YOU GIVE US THIS CONTENT FOR FREE ALAYNA, LET US HELP YOU WHEN WE CAN. Let me tell you, though, if i ever win the lottery, there's gonna be a lot of artists getting a lot of support. And Ashley nailed the discussion about what is so frustrating about the situation regarding the algorithm is super fair. 😅
@@mariannetfinches I have already finished all of the chosen family podcasts and slowly consuming whgs and everything mak and alayna. I've opened my world to queer RU-vid and my world has changed hahaha 😆 😂
Love you guys. And I especially respect how transparent you are about the stressful parts of this job. It’s unfair that most viewers have such a warped view of your lives and such weirdly possessive expectations. You guys deserve better! Especially Ashley, who as people have pointed out, is just trying to make people laugh. We’re always in your corner Ashley!
Alayna joy! Your audience will grow with you... I'm 34 and found you a couple years ago and you've inspired me in many ways. Stay true to your art. All of you!
As a small potatoes content creator, I really appreciate y'all discussing ads and authenticity. Affiliate links, sponsors, and Patreon are a part of my business plan, but it's hard to find folks who will talk openly about the emotional impact of those business decisions. Your condor is appreciated
Somethinf I try to keep in mind is that people have no idea what they want. We spend our lives trying to chase those highs - reading an amazing book for the first time, hearing a song that says those things you so desparatelt needed to hear. People don't know what they want until they have it - they couldn't conceive of it until you spoke it into being. Maybe the audiance you have won't appreciate it - so write it, paint it, sing it, dance it for those who will. You made magic once - you can do it again.
Thank you so much for this conversation. I'm a creator who began posting LGBTQ+ videos as I was working through my own compulsory heterosexuality / accepting my lesbian self / etc. And I gained a lovely lil audience because of it. I made those videos through pure inspiration. But now, my inspiration is guiding me to post more of my joys and passions: my music producing/songwriting/singing and such, as well as vlogs. These get, often, fair less traction. But it's helpful to remember people SUBBED because of my initial inspiration traction. OTHERS will follow and sub because of this NEW inspiration - although the niche may be different from my initial audience. Of course, I hope and WISH for these two/three niches to intermix, I can't force it. So I'm making peace with it. And gonna officially 'do me' without worrying how my current audience (or even future audience) may react. This convo helped so much. Love you guys!
Love that you included restaurant hospitality as creating. As a chef, it is hard to see when specials don’t sell but remembering there’s different purposes and ways I’m trying to grow is so helpful.
This moment was so perfect 😆😆😆 - Mak: "Blah Blah Blah... I'm so gay... Alex Morgan." Ashley: "Who's Alex Morgan?" Mak: "Uhhh **feigns offence** only the forward for the US women's soccer team." Ashley: **Trying desperately to back track and with a blatantly faux air of confidence** "That's what I thought." Me: ROFL 😂😂😂
About the m-spec lesbian thing - think about Kate Sisk. They introduced themself as a bisexual lesbian on WHGS because they have that attraction to more than one gender, but they're in a monogamous relationship with a woman and their current life experience is that of a lesbian (IIRC). I'm nonbinary but I sometimes consider myself a nonbinary trans man because I don't really identify with being a man or woman but my lived experience is very similar to that of a trans man. I was AFAB and I've been on T for 2 years and got top surgery 4 months ago. I am male-passing and feel most comfortable that way - I'm just not a man. The labels of nonbinary and trans man or bisexual and lesbian seem to be contradictory, but sometimes using them together is the best way to describe someone's experience without having to give an entire speech about their whole life story. I can understand why some people feel protective over their labels, but it's really not that deep.
Ashley, I love seeing your comedy grow and change! I can’t wait to hear what you’re going to say each iteration of your show! Don’t let us stick you in a box (you love box we know 😂)! We want you to be happy with your work!!
I haven't tuned in to the pod in a month (alas, life) but had time today and clicked on this episode and WOW did I need these messages about art. Thank you for this conversation.
Regarding Alayna's content shift : I'd never heard of Ariel Bisset (book side of RU-vid, not my thing) until she started making content about renovating her house (very much my thing) and then I started following her. I'm sure for other parts of her audience it was the other way around. What I mean to say is followers come and go depending on what you cover, if you lose some it's not automatic but still likely at your level of visibility and popularity that you'll gain some. I know for myself, I absolutely love you on this pod where you show your interest in psychology, relationships etc and give amazing and insightful advice and I'm less drawn to your "who's gay in this group" content. I think most people who follow Chosen Family and like your input will absolutely love deep dives on your own podcast! Don't worry, your pod will at least have one fan: me! 😂❤️
I'm at work. Edit: Alayna, your problem with the Ads is the edgiest honesty I've heard on a Pod. I love your backbone! Beefy mufuggah!💪 And Patreon is a Fanclub, so different to Ads. Make us Buttons!
alayna you could use your frustration about the industry you are in and write a critical theory study about working in social media and which mechanism and logic is being used in there and how it affects mental health ;) or at least talk in the pod about it because its a valuable perspective on society! we need to think critically
Eureka! I have joined the Patreon! So happy to have access to great, feel good content on any day and contribute to something I care about (that sounds like an ad robot wrote it but I am actually a sincere fan who has sacrificed my weekly chocolate protein mousse for this and it is well worth it)! 😊
Loved this conversation about making art that is also, by necessity, commercial work that must make money! And Alayna, your new podcast sounds totally rad, I would listen the heck out of it.
I'm a trans guy now, but I used to identify as a bi lesbian (m-spec lesbian) and was harassed so muuuch online. 90% of the time it was 15 year old lesbians who had no concept of queer history at all. I was only sexually attracted to men and nonbinary people but romantically and sexually attracted to women. The people against it are chronically online teenagers. No one actually cares, and I'm glad y'all confirmed it. (Fun fact, now I'm a bi gay man lol)
I absolutely loved this episode. ❤ The banter, the insights, and the interactions are the best. Preach Ashley! Alayna do you boo! Mak better not get hurt playing rugby.
The whole talk about the numbers game and wanting to make content out of passion was so real. I have a small channel and I'm trying to stick to my passion first and foremost, but it's a hard place to be when you're trying to grow. As much as I try not to care about the numbers, I kind of have to. Even though I do youtube for fun, I completely understand why the bigger RU-vidrs take breaks or just leave. I think people dream of going viral so they can finally get their audience, but I don't think enough people think about what that actually means for their art. It's an interesting and nuanced conversation for sure.
When I first came out and started dating women I was hurt a Lot by "gold star lesbians". The term was used. Definitely not just online. On dates... In bars... I did not feel welcomed and it was super hard to get through!
Mak can totally play rugby! There are positions for all sizes and there are positions where you need to be incredibly fast. The smallest girl on my team was about 5’1 and maybe 110 pounds. Mak will do great!
Yall are such an integral part of my week but I forget that I can comment and tell u that and I havent even watched this episode yet I just wanted to tell you ❤
Ashley!!!! ❤❤❤ I was at your Denver show and it was fucking fantastic! Your process is your process, but I can’t believe you’re not regularly doing that material.
Ashley, definitely have done the cat whisker on top of the boys head to make him look like a special kitty unicorn. Also, I'm in Phoenix and was at the show and then Boycott after. You're so kind and I appreciated meeting you in person. Mak and Alayna, the sweet looks on your faces (Ashley too) when you pause to listen to your counterparts is just the best thing to witness. I really love this pod. You 3 are so important to my wind down time at night. ❤
There are places on the internet still where gold star is a thing. I briefly visited a 'late bloomer lesbian' subreddit (yes I know it's Reddit but internet forums aren't a thing anymore) and while a lot of the posters seemed like normal people who touch grass, there were a slew of comments of people saying, oh stop trying to claim lesbian, you were married to a guy, it's fine you can call yourself bi there's nothing wrong with it, you're just not lesbian. I vaguely seem to recall that they had all come from another subreddit to that one, there was drama, whatever. But the whole gold star mindset of it really hurt a lot of people and I can see why they didn't like the term.
Those people were definitely trolls brigading Late Bloomer Lesbians, because that's not the vibe at all of that sub, and overall most Reddit lesbian/sapphic spaces are in agreement that "gold star lesbian" is a useless term that's too easily wielded by biphobic and transphobic people as a means to hurt or pigeonhole others.
Ok, but I second Mak’s unpopular opinion that she likes watching ads. I have worked in marketing for a few months now, so it has a new level, but even before marketing, I really enjoyed ads. As a poor, ironically, I don’t often get tv commercials and etc because I use streaming services. Every time I go home to visit my parents and see the new season’s commercials I have so much fun. Also, as you guys point out, you need ads to do your thing. It’s all good!
I'm excited to follow you guys as your content (together and separately) changes and grows. Like Ashley said, we follow the artist, not necessarily the art. 💖
Ashley you came up randomly on Snapchat and your 911/Dad bit was so so funny! Alayna! The only way to get out of needing sponsors is to create your own product to sell. Ever thought about creating your own toy?!! Okay and the way y’all’s ad cut Mack off was just gold 😹😹😹🤍
I'm not sure if this is an unpopular opinion, but I personally don't follow creators just for whatever specific niche they talk about/make content about. Yes, maybe that niche was one of my interests at some point or something that I related to, but ultimately I follow a creator because I think they're an interesting person who has thoughts that are worth listening to and a✨ journey ✨that I want to follow and watch as they grow. Love you three very much, this podcast is the light of my weeks at the moment, keep growing and changing your content to what you feel is right, the right audience will follow 🫶
I don't understand ppl who think you should be grateful for your fans. We aren't watching your content out of the kindness of our heart: we like it. You are doing us a favor. There's nothing selfless about being a (normal) fan. Ig being one of those obssessed fans is different, but still not selfless really.
Yes make your art! The right people will love it. All of you are so talented and I would rather see something you're passionate about than something made to go viral
hey, weird question (but I'm going to ask every person here that went to a show in Europe) Can you tell me how long it was? I'm going tomorrow (or tonight actually) and I have to plan my ride back home..
@@bettycrockerbake it was longer than I expected in the best way possible, even without the meet and greet (she got too sick). A few people had to get up and leave because they had to get on a train back home and Ashley was super cool about it and thankful they came, so don't worry if you have to do that too. Ps: I cannot remember for the life of me how long it actually lasted, sorryyy
ahhh this is all so relatable. As usual, Alayna is speaking the words inside my brain! haha. I have never had the huge audience you all have, but I used to host a local TV talk show, and have a small audience from that. The show was about fun things going on around the city it aired in, so people followed me online for that. Now, I've moved into talking about mental health, teaching mindfulness, etc. And my follower count (on Instagram at least) has stayed pretty close to the same number for the last couple of years... it goes up a little, then down a little... because, yep, I am not posting the same things that most of those people originally followed me for. What I keep trying to tell myself is that if I post/talk about the things that I'm passionate about, it will find the right people. The wrong people will leave... and that's ok.
Agreed about the gold star lesbian issue LOL as a not-gold-star-lesbian we went through the TRENCHES therefore we should be awarded the gold star stickers 😂
Mak can ABSOLUTELY do rugby. She can be a fullback or a winger, easily. This is coming from a small 5’4” person who has played those positions. Give it a shot, Mak. It’s a rough sport and there’s potential for injury but if you’re up for it, do it
Currently trying to convince myself to go see Ashley here in Lisbon even when I hate going alone and I’m gonna have to lie to a bunch of people about where I’m going but alas it is what it is
There are lots of ways to do business or work and I generally think art as your work makes it all harder. But here's a my work example that I think goes with Mak's example of having different reasons to make something: I work at a firm and we do a bunch of different types of assessments. Sometimes we'll do an assessment where we know we'll lose money bc the customer is also getting another thing done that will make money. Or the first year we lose money but the next few years of doing it will make money.
I'm 5"4 and played rugby for years. Mak will be fine. If anything, smaller players get less badly hurt because we don't fall as hard & we see less contact (no scrums, lineouts, mauls) Unrelated, but rugby players have the best asses. This feels like important information. I'm not sure who for
First of all, Mak you're fucking hilarious as always. (I also felt a surge of protection when you said you were gonna play Rugby lol). Also, Alayna is so right about the "gold star" lesbian being a real thing as someone who used to identify as bi on the internet years ago. This was definitely used to make sapphics who had slept with men feel bad about it or "less than" and I feel like I still have shame from it lol
A recorded therapy session would probably be extremely helpful for a lot of people, though I feel I could easily write a lengthy paper on the potential problems it could face and the solutions to those problems. First off the top of my head: I personally would want to be anonymous cause no one wants to have the demons of the internet spew garbage at them, especially after being so vulnerable in the public eye.
I'm always looking forward to sitting around the family dinner table with you guys. But the food... the food..! It gets weirder by the week and I'd rather go to bed hungry, thankyouverymuch. 🙊
Alayna the only thing yucky would be if you left the internet- Sell on! Thanks for saying how y'all (yes Southerner) feel about the $ and what you need. It is good to know that! Keep saying it as it is! Thank you for your frankness always!
mak, be careful if you’re going to play rugby. in aotearoa, nz, it’s our national sport and people get bodied playing it. also, if you’re putting out content that you’re passionate about, people will see that and appreciate it and follow what you’re doing
I don't think Ashley would ever think that the gold star lesbian stuff is real because they've never been bi. She has very dude-like behavior sometimes, which gives her a different perspective it may seem like a joke to you, but as the people that have always been harassed and belittled for being bi, it not funny for us, yk. It's divisive and underhanded. It's a reminder that, not only men think I'm "dirty", but women think it, too.
Gold star lesbian is a term that pre-dates the internet by many generations. I don't think it was a way to put people down, but maybe more of a way to lift people up. In particular usually masc presenting people/those who couldn't and didn't pass in straight spaces. Kinda honoring their separation from het society/the difference in their struggle. I'm not completely sure on this, but that was my interpretation pre-internet. And yes, then later has been used to belittle bi people or those "testing" the waters.
I don't see how "gold star" could be used to belittle bi people, when it specifically refers to lesbians only? It is odd to insist that bisexuals must be represented within LESBIAN discourse and vocabulary; that makes about as much sense as insisting that lesbians ought to be represented within bisexual discourse and vocabulary. They're two separate groups which merit separate language -- plenty of interaction and mutual appreciation between 'em, but distinct nonetheless.
So, if a bi woman hears a lesbian demean lesbians who dated men then it's not a stretch for the bi woman to infer that the lesbian would extra hate the bi woman.
