Random Rambling - #4 

Jake I always find myself living life on auto-pilot. I think the thing to combat it is to try to make an effort to critically analyze everything that you do. And this is a lesson that I tell myself almost every day because a lot of the time I will just go through my days barely thinking about anything at all, and this should be something that scares us because this can kind of put our minds into a lull and for lack of a better word turn our brains to mush, at least that's what I think it starts to become. So whether it's class, work, socially, try to critically analyze everything that you have to do, assignments and all, and even reaching out to teachers when something is unclear. Which you probably already do, but this was what I first thought of when you talked about this. Just improving how you analyze and look / hear information, in an effort to gain an understanding about what's going on in your life. It may seem obvious maybe, but this is a lesson I'm always reminding myself of.

Well you said you like essays in the comments so here is one for you. Yes I can totally relate. Do you ever feel like you're going through life on autopilot? Uh yeah, all last year. I wasn't going outside or showering and found myself thinking, if I didn't have to eat for survival I wouldn't even have eaten last year. It happens to the best of us. If you're just waking up then you're waking up a lot earlier than a lot of people. I know in your life the length of time you've been alive seems like so long, but you're very young. You're not a moron this is actually pretty common to feel that way. I still feel like I should be doing more with my life, however it is usually because of social norms that make us feel like we need to achieve everything. I personally had to come to the fact that I'm happy so what else is important. The real question isn't should you be doing more but are you happy with what you're doing? If you aren't then change it so that you're happy. Don't ever focus your happiness on other people's opinion. If during your Jeopardy game you were having fun and you enjoyed yourself whether you did the best or the worst, which you couldn't have been that bad because your team won, then don't worry about what they say. After all who cares about them anyways. Mistakes happen and we make a lot of them so get used to that and just change your approach. Glad to hear you're going to the gym and think of how far you've come since last year. It is also important to be a little selfish in life. After all you have to take care of yourself because no one else is gonna do it for you. Lean on God first, then your family, and finally your friends. Also during prayer it is important to pray for yourself and others. Look at the book of Psalms in The Bible and see how many times David prayed for his own circumstances. God called David a man after his own heart, paraphrased not quoted, so God saw David as a good man and he prays for himself and his circumstances all the time. I think your teachers might have expected more out of you. They felt like you could achieve more than you were putting in. If you were trying your best and failing they probably wouldn't have been as angry. I used to be the same way in elementary and middle school but got straight A's through high school and college. This is simply because I decided to apply myself. Oh no, an entire stick of butter! I used to eat 4 Carl's Jr's Western Bacon Cheeseburgers in one sitting. I would do this multiple times a month. I was actually trying to gain weight but that didn't work at all. I used to also get a whole box of Chocodiles which are like chocolate twinkies. I bought them so often that the guy at 7-11 started keeping a sealed box behind the counter just to sell to me when I came in. It was like 3 times a week at least. About the girl thing I've done that too, once in high school and later again in college. So I hear ya there as well buddy. The things you're feeling aren't unusual and the devil is just using them to discourage you about your life and your recent achievements. Don't think of what you're doing wrong think of all the things God has brought you through. When we begin doubting we don't just doubt ourselves we are doubting God's ability to keep his promises in our lives. Remember that God is in control and that if we let him he can do anything in our lives. I have unknowingly doubted God myself and had to remember that if we believe that things are getting worse or that we aren't on the right path we are questioning God's divine plan for our lives. Don't worry so much about things. I'll send you a Bible Scripture in DM about that later. I know that when I need to know about how to turn a class around, I stay after class and ask the teacher what I can do to make up my grade. How am I doing in the class? Try and do this all through out your classes and not just at the end, but since we are at the end it can't hurt to try and see. Sometimes they can give you extra credit assignments or something. About forgetting what you prayed about, that is the point of prayer. We take our burdens and give them to God. Lay them at the feet of Jesus Christ and forget about them, knowing that in his infinite power God will handle it all. Don't feel bad about forgetting that is the whole point. No it wasn't depressing at all, just honest. As I said above I have been through a lot of these things myself so you're not alone. If you ever need to talk let me know, don't just handle this by yourself. I know you were talking with friends and family so that's great but know I'm here for you as well if you ever wanna talk. Don't let stress take you away from God, you're still praying so that is great but take your own advice and read a chapter a day or something. Doesn't have to be a lot but keep in the habit of reading each day. Well I rewatched this video and put everything I was thinking as I watched it in this comment. Hope it helps. God Bless you Jake and talk to ya soon.

Oh man my heart hurts for you. I have so much to say lol oh man I don’t know if I can say it all in one comment or even many comments. Wow. I think one positive I’d like to bring up is that you have a seriously great wellbeing meter. You’re able to tell when you’re not feeling fulfilled, when you feel awful about yourself, when you’re not taking care of yourself. That’s something to be thankful for. You know yourself so well because god put within you an introspective view of yourself that can see the truth. Someone who can tell when they’re not happy I think has the greatest potential to reach a truly fulfilling life. You’ll have to find it through trial and error though. Trial and error comes with error and failure but in the end, that necessary water turns into beautiful, rich wine. I identify so much with what you said it’s insane. ... when I was trying to learn to walk again, ... I was at one of my lowest points in life. I’ve been near suicide so many times. Now I’m just so thankful to be alive that sometimes even if I go through autopilot periods (which I think everyone does), I’m thankful to even be able to watch videos, see friends, hug my mom. ...man. You’re putting so much pressure on yourself. It comes from a good place, you know you have potential, but it’s when you release control of your life and hand it to God that everything becomes clear. There are so many things to worry about or expect from yourself and others... it’s all meaningless. This whole conversation reminds me of Ecclesiastes. It’s my favorite Old Testament book. It’s all about the true purpose in life. Starts off with “Meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless”. Which doesn’t sound pretty lol but the whole book cuts through all the bull of our ambitions, plans, passions. It talks about life’s real purpose. It’s a super humbling book. Helps me keep things in perspective. You should want to improve yourself! You should have dreams and aspirations but when you have God right next to you in those planning sessions, you cannot imagine the heights he’ll take you to. When you work *with* the God of all things, there’s no limits. On a smaller note: take the time to do something special once a week or every two days. Something soul enriching. For me when I take a walk through a beautiful trail, I feel as if my weight of worries and expectations have lifted and I get to see God’s beauty with my own eyes. I feel brand new. Maybe you don’t have anything that... drastic but something that returns you to that center of you. The true you. Enrich yourself in God’s love and all of those thoughts just seem so small in comparison. Aaaanndd I’ve written another novel lol thanks for reading all the way down here. I’m praying for you.

You talking poop about my nuggie videos brah?