RANT | The male loneliness epidemic is self-inflicted 💅🏻 

"Societally masculine tendencies" is such a good way of putting it yes. I'm glad some of this resonated, cause yeah I was talking to men specifically but a lot of lonely people out there could probably relate as well. Comfort zones are easy to stay in. That's why they're comfortable. The world outside is scary as shit, but that's where LIVING is. Nobody has ever started a fun story by saying "So I was home by myself this one day and..." Community is so important. I hope you find your tribe 😊

Confirmation bias is a tough wall to tear down...some of us don't even have the vocabulary to talk about this, but I figured it needed to be said. Thank you so much for watching and taking the time to write...it makes me feel like I've said something that resonated. 😊

"...you gotta grow up and be your own mom. take yourself out, introduce yourself to others, take care of yourself and your home." I wanna print that and put it on my wall. You gotta be your own mom indeed. We are always taught that "boys will be boys" and what that means is "boys will not be held accountable for their actions because they're immature and cannot be held responsible for their actions". And the sort of men this is creating in today's world makes this world a little less enjoyable...and sometimes even dangerous. I don't know if I'm right but I do know something needs to change. One small step at a time.

Hallelujah

Well yeah. Cause you're her special little boy

♥️

I mean this is your problem right here mate. If you don't wanna become "this great guy" then that's on you. And it's specifically on you because you believe that you're doing his for the benefit of someone else. It's for you. BECOME a great guy. Be who you want to be by being interested in what the world has to offer. You're not gonna meet new people cooped up in your Tower. I should know. The world outside has so much to offer if you just open up and let it teach you. Happy to talk more if you need to.

@@LifeByJack I appreciate your replies and look forward to continuing our conversation. I don't want to become a great guy for me and that shouldn't prevent me from dating is all I'm saying. Thus far I've found that I don't like the world and would rather stay in my tower. I've heard all my life that "women are the same as men, they like sex just as much, they like video games just as much, they can be just as lonely, they can be just as isolative" and yet these women that I've been told are in my same boat only want to date "real/great men" that's a terrible double standard. I feel that I want a woman in part for lack of this self-actualization. If I were this self-actualized great guy then I would be busy grinding away at my purpose. I don't have my full thoughts on it figured but the thought I'm having is this: seems like a grid that's not making sense. neither self-actualized = single Not self-actualized man + self-actualized woman = single self-actualized man + not self-actualized woman = relationship both self-actualized = relationship this is bad, why is the man's level of self-actualization seemingly the only thing that matters to dating? Shouldn't it be that relationships can form in those first two levels? If not, why not? I can talk more about why I don't like the world and don't want to self-actualize but I worry that will go too far off topic and maybe make this too specifically about my idiosyncrasies rather then the broader trend we're discussing.

Oh nah. Companionship, love, relationships...they're not an algorithm. You can't just AND/OR/XOR your way through it and figure out that a relationship happens only when the mathematical planes align. Let me be a little blunt here: the reason why only the men's level of self-actualization matters is because normally they're the only party that HASN'T self-actualized. Sure it's a broad generalization but you've heard the phrase "women mature faster than men" yes? Well they don't, they're just forced to. So it's more normal for them to BE self-actualized and a full adult before any of us. Some women aren't great and some men aren't great and the fact that those non-great people aren't getting dates isn't a bug, it's a feature. That's your equality right there. Women DO like sex, and they ARE alone, and they DO play games, but the vibe you're giving off is "I want someone to perform a function" and not someone to share a space/life/pizza with. In short: stop wanting a gamer girl, start wanting to meet someone beyond what they do in the surface.

@@LifeByJack I don't mean to make it an algorithm, I'm just noticing a trend. So you're really saying women are more self-actualized then men at rates comparable to the level of sexlessness? I find that hard to believe on it's face and moreover that doesn't match with my experience. A totally unactualized girl could get a date with me or thousands of other guys as proven by their dating app experiences. What you're calling a feature isn't working cause I believe that not great women get dates and plenty of great men don't. It's not working out how you're describing man. What's making you think it is? How am I giving off that I want them to perform a function? From my perspective I'm saying: "I like these things and I hear that women like these things, so why am I finding it impossible to date these women that allegedly like and want the same things as me?" That doesn't mean I want some gamer girl or someone to perform a function, it means I'm not understanding why something everyone is telling me is right there is seemingly impossible to find. I'm all about emotional depth and philosophical conversations and deep connection, that's what I've always wanted. My frustration is that I don't have the opportunity to establish such connections for lack of interest from women. Mutual interests don't hurt either.

Yeah I get that, but let's be specific. What things do they not want to do with you? What are you setting up? Nobody is forced to like what you like. Who are these women you're inviting out? Where are you looking for them? If no woman wants to do something with you then you gotta ask yourself some questions - cause you can't go through life thinking "everyone else is wrong but me". Are you putting out bad vibes? Are you asking them to do things nobody in their right mind would want to do (like iono...going wasp nest bashing or whatever)? Hell, do you smell funny? Something's putting women off (by your own admittance) so let's figure out what that is and CHANGE that. That's the point. That's what self-actualizing means. If you find that what you WANT isn't coming to you because of something in YOUR CONTROL, then fix it. You don't have to change your entire self for the sake of other people, all you have to do is learn how to SELL IT better so it's not off putting from the get go.

@@LifeByJack I'm asking them to match with me on a dating app and then we can discuss doing anything either of us like. Firstly, I'd like to go to lunch or a movie or for a walk in a local park or something, a first date to get to know eachother. That shouldn't be too much to ask. The needing to sell it better doesn't make any sense to me and that's the source of my frustration on this topic. I want to date and have sex with women, they don't need to sell me on that. So then having to sell them on me feels like a ridiculous double standard. Moreover, this isn't just a me thing cause the rates of sexlessness and loneliness of men in my age group is enormous. I'm not saying I'm perfect by any means but one shouldn't have to be even near perfect to date. I should be able to match with lots of women of varying qualities and "play the field" so we can both get the experience we need to build that all-important lifelong commitment later. But currently I can't get any dates or experience so I can't improve in that area. I can improve in other areas, but I think a big part of my lack of motivation is lacking positive emotion and I find that the few times I have had a woman's interest my positive emotion and motivation are greatly increased. Basically, there's nothing so horrible about me or my dating app profile that should mean I get practically no matches. It should be that I have thousands of likes just like average women and we can all date and see what works. Know what I mean? Is that not frustrating? And then it's a negative feedback loop cause the more I see that women aren't interested in me the worse I feel about myself and the less I want to go out and be social (which I already hated doing).

Little side note here mate...do NOT pin your self-worth to dating apps. They are lying to you. I should make a video out of it. I'm on an app called FEELD, for example. I get 0 matches in it. A few weeks ago, I was having breakfast with one of my closest friends, and as we do we starting swiping on apps for a laugh. About 20 minutes later she comes across my profile. Now first of all, 20 minutes of swiping is INSANE. My profile is buried in there. Second, I tell her to "like" me so that I can see what happens. She does. I immediately get a notification. I can see her blurry profile in my "likes" tab. I don't pay for these things so I can't like her back, you get me? That was WEEKS ago. Since then I keep swiping on that app (still 0 matches) just to pass the time. I've ran out of people in my feed like 10 times. I wait a bit, I come back, new people have signed up apparently, I keep swiping. My friend lives 20 minutes, so it's not a range issue. I have yet to come across her profile. I've ran out of profiles and the one profile that supposedly liked me is nowhere to be seen. Cause they want me to pay for their PLUS service or whatever. They want my money. Dating apps are not there to help you get dates, they're there to get your credit card details. You know what I found works? Take a short trip to another city. Not only will it refresh your app, you might even meet new people to share a pizza with.

@@LifeByJack I get why I shouldn't but how can one constantly be rejected without thinking "gee it seems like they don't like me"? I hear this all the time, that "the apps are just out for money and they're keeping people lonely" but that doesn't make any sense based on how the apps work. Sure you're friend had to find you but I guarantee if you could see the data for how many views you're getting it's in the thousands, it's just that women almost never like profiles on dating apps. Have you seen the comparative like rates of men and women? They're astounding, I don't see what the apps are possibly doing to make women swipe left on 90+% of profiles. Seems more like a problem with them women to me. Going to another city would be pointless cause I want a steady relationship where I live. Sounds like passport bro tactics to me. There is no reason I shouldn't be able to match with a woman in my county of hundreds of thousands or state of millions of people, unless the women don't want to match. What am I missing here? Basically, do you think if the dating apps were fair and there were no algorithms or premium services that men would get hundreds of likes a day like women? It seems to me that no matter what algorithm they use, if women swiped like-crazy like men do (I've had times in the past of just swiping right on every single profile) it would be mathematically impossible for men to receive so few likes. I think it's something other then that.

clearly your..". ugh" personality is the issue here. look inward and don't just lash out at someone for once.

@@Man-ej6uv how did I lash out?

Listen mate, your first comment here before you edited was "this is horseshit!" so yeah that's lashing out. That's being defensive. And that's FINE, that's part of living. Being emotionally disregulated by thing you consider a personal attack on you is normal, but also not something people are obligated to put up with. Asking "how did I lash out?" when you know what you did is called gaslighting, and coming back to your previous points, people can sniff that out from a mile away. So maybe that's something you need to work on. I know, because this used to be me. Things would feel like personal attacks and I would fight back against invisible enemies...threats that weren't even there. I was a lonely kid. I don't have any friends from high school. And one day I was at a wedding and someone from high school was there too, and we got to drinking and talking and reminiscing and I was a bit drunk and I complained about how "nobody liked me back in high school" Boohoo me right? And she said "well...you were an angry kid...people didn't know how to talk to you". Being vulnerable is more than just being sensitive.

@@LifeByJack I was defensive but I edited the comment before receiving any reply cause I saw that it was too harsh. Changing that before receiving a reply is not gaslighting dude. I'm not fighting invisible enemies, they're right there. When someone tries to speak into being that which you don't want, I feel you ought to argue against that. That's not an imaginary enemy. I can be vulnerable and don't struggle to make friends, I just don't enjoy being social. I'm there for people when they need to connect emotionally and self-disclose in kind, I'm not some terrible person. I'm just not some extrovert, alpha dude with big muscles and money and masculine frame and all that bullshit. I'm an individual person, in the feminist/progressive sense (though I'm not really a progressive politically, thought that's aside from the point). I'm comfortable with my masculine and feminine traits. Women don't seem to want that, not that they even know what I'm like cause they never bother to match with me or approach me in public. Everyone says I have to take responsibility for that, but wtf happened to equality all of a sudden!? Aside from that, I can't make friends with my real personality cause people believe in a buncha stuff that I just don't feel so I find friendships dissatisfying.

@@Man-ej6uv It's far too easy for you to make it my fault, you know nothing of my personality. It just has to be that men like me deserve to be single, right? It couldn't possibly be that things are unfair or that women are doing something wrong, right?

Wait how DOES self actualization work then? Also "women" are not an homogenous mass of hive minded entities. They're individuals like you or me, meaning...yes they ALL want a peak specimen, but their definition of "peak specimen" varies wildly. Some people value money and others value kindness for example. Your mileage may, and WILL vary