READING MY BABY-GAY COMING OUT DIARIES 

26TH AUG, WRITE IT DOWN 💜💜 I know it’s a little heavy at some points, but I hope you can see that it’s taken me a long time to realise that I was gay. It’s literally over the space of years. So if you feel like you don’t know what you are right now, it’s okay. Let it take it’s time. You are definitely not alone.

Thank you Lauren for everything. Being a baby gay is hard right now so thank you for being the escape I need

Though this video is a little sad, it was at the same time really comforting It is so reassuring to see someone else struggle in a similar way (i still am questioning whether i'm ace or gay and haven't yet seen anyone elses struggle with that) So thank you

Meanwhile my diary entries at 13: “IM SO IN LOVE WITH HER! SHOULD I TELL HER?? AM I GAY?? SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL BUT SHE IS MY BEAT FREIND AND SHE HAS A BF, IM SO CONFUSED??” Even as a bi/pan/queer now it’s still a universal experience to fall for your best friend 😂

So proud of you for this video bby. And so happy to be part of the happy ending to your story! 🥺💜🥰

Man, i related so hard. Its good to Know that i wasnt the only one growing up like that, but still: man that sucks and i am so sorry we had to go through that... group hug and happy that you found gal pal ;)

"I don't like penises" same 😂

Listening to Lauren's evolution is amazing. From sadness and confusion to the freedom and knowledge of accepting who she is. Meanwhile in the U.S. we are going backwards. The religious extremist here suppressing women's rights pointing the finger and religious extremist in the Muslim world saying how dare you make women... Failing to see their own hypocrisy. Cheers! Lauren have a great day.

Yess i think we would all love to watch you read your Galpal entries, that would be a great video

aaaa i relate to this so much!! i began questioning my sexuality at 14 and then came out as asexual first cause i was sure i wasn't sexually attracted to men and didn't want to have sex with them, but my romantic orientation was this whole other mess. by the end of high school i felt like i was behind everyone else, i have never kissed anyone or dated anyone or anything. and like, boys asked me out in high school but i always rejected and i just couldn't understand why i wasn't able to like them. like, i have a friend who has a similar sense of humor as mine and we got along super well and he was really nice. he told me he liked me back in the 11th grade and i freaked out and rejected him. then i began feeling really guilty cause I just couldnt understand why i didnt like him. and then i began liking one of my female friends, but she was dating someone else, and everything was so confusing. i began university earlier this year and i realized that maybe im not asexual at all, im just not attracted to guys cause... i'm a lesbian. i guess. admitting this still feels weird. your videos have helped me so much in the past few months, lauren :) it's just great to see that these weird things going through my head are not uncommon, that im not alone. ❤

I know I’m literally a year late to the party, but this was the most validating video I’ve ever watched. I’m so glad I found your channel. I’ve always felt insecure about my experience and journey to coming out as a lesbian ‘cause I didn’t know anyone who had a journey remotely similar to mine. Growing up feeling like I “fit in” with girls and never being the stereotypical lesbian who only has guy friends, and then thinking I’m ace for most of adolescence but then at age 17 going through the heteronormative emotional turmoil of trying so hard to convince myself I’m straight or bi… This must have been so hard to read back through (I cried through the whole thing and it’s not even my diary), but thank you so much for telling your story

It's completely about CompHet (compulsive heterosexuality). You mentioned a lot of "I'm not allowed to", which is exactly the basis of this. Also back in these days there was hardly any representation in the media apart of the L-Word, which was mainly watched in secret (same applied to Queer As Folk). Orange Is The New Black was definitely a breakthrough. Glad you managed to push through this period of your life, having you first gf and finally being fully able to live your fullest truth with Girl Pal. I wish you many years of love and happiness together!

This is always so interesting to me because i never went through any of this, I was one of those “Fuck you, I’m bi!” 13 year olds and never purposefully came out to anyone, I just existed. Even though I knew young, I didn’t date or even kiss anyone until I was 16. It was super accepting in New Zealand and we had LGBT club at school even in 2005. I’m now 32 and am questioning if I’m a lesbian rather than bi, but basically I just use queer now.

Hiya, man this was like you were also reading my old diaries, I relate to this so much. But now out and proud at 25🎉. Its so comforting to know we're not alone through this❤️

I see you haven’t posted another video in a bit, but know that I just found your channel and I love it. I’m a little older, 32, and came out as a lesbian when I was just 14. My parents were very supportive, my dad was an angel. My mom told me she had some high school and college experience, so she understood the appeal. 😉 Anyway, I’m enjoying your channel and I hope it won’t be long before a new one arrives. You’re so sweet and lovable. (don’t worry, I’m married now to my long term girlfriend I met at 23). Just wanted you to know that there are older lesbians in your audience. 🌹💫

13:00 yeah that hit me way to hard💔. I'm not ready to come out to my family or friends yet...And there isn't a single day that goes by without wishing I was "normal". I just hope that someday I'd finally stop hating on myself because of it. Even though it was kinda sad, it was also just comforting and reassuring that someone else has gone / is going through the same thing

This made me have flashbacks 😂 In my teenage years I went through a similar process as yours. Now I’ve been out and proud for 11 years

Thank you Lauren, when I was younger and still in denial I remember watching your videos to try to figure everything out and it actually really helped me. I really appreciate you! ❤ You have been a great role model for me!!

Hey Lauren, I’ve been waiting for a great video. I have missed you so much from posting, I love you so much. Thank you for making these amazing videos.

"I'm currently hating myself because I just want to be normal", "not allowed", and "so much self-hate" just broke my heart. I started to follow you and others like you because I wanted to understand people who are different from myself, and specifically LGBTQ+ people, because I feel that they are too often treated so badly by a lot of heterosexuals. But what was news to me, was how hard LGBTQ+ people can be on themselves. I did sort of understand that figuring out how and what you are can be confusing, but I had no idea how hard and traumatic that journey can be. I think you're doing a very good thing by putting this out there in the world, creating understanding and recognition, and when I read the comments, I understand how much this means to so many people who are going through the same things as you did. I'm so glad you worked it all out, and that you're happy now! Keep up the good work...

Great video and story. Brave of you to share and it shows how your self-awareness and confidence has leapt forward - which must be encouraging for those going through a similar phase in their lives.

Thank you!!! This video made me sad but it also made my day (as a Bi/lesbian/asexual/idk) and it’s really relatable what you were going through. I mean I think I’m bi but this video was like so relatable so…

It was very hard for me to hear that you have dealt with severe depression, because I understand how it feels from someone who has experienced it. I hope and see that you are in a good place in your life now. I wish you all the best in the world and that you be happy, I love you very much, and really a huge thank you for helping many people, including me of course.

Now I'm writing my diary. Im going through the same and im now 15 & struggleing. I hope I'll find my way.. im so happy that you make this videos!! They’re really supporting me 💓

I inconsistently wrote a diary when i was a teenager and I'm so glad i did because i also recorded part of my gay realisation 😄 it's gold

it is always a good day when lauren posts a video.

Damn this video was great to watch. Lauren, I just found your channel like 2 days ago but I have already watched so many videos. You are my favourite queer creator on YT because for some reason watching your videos really... calm me down? I don't know if that's the right term but yeah your videos just make me feel less alone and like it is actually going to be okay. You are such a beautiful person, I really mean that, on the outside ofc :) but also on the inside!! Your laugh is contagious haha. This video made me kinda emotional because I am at that point in my life right now where everything is difficult and confusing. I am so in love with one of my friends and I was always afraid to tell her because our friendship is too important, it means the world to me. I also started keeping a diary about 2 years ago and sometimes I back read small entries which almost always makes me tear up. I was so confused and sad, I still am but I feel like I am able to deal with it better. This has become really long and the chance that you'll read it is really small but that's okay haha. If you do happen to see it, THANK YOU! For the effort you put into your videos, everything. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. Also to anyone else reading this and in a similar situation, I believe in you, it will get better ❤ everyone is valid no matter what 🌈

I love your videos they have helped me so much on coming out of the closet 💖💛💙 I hope you stay safe🏳️‍🌈

Thank you for this, this is so sad! I can definitely relate, my parents are so homophobic and I was so scared bc I had a crush on my bff but eventually she really helped me out and now I'm lesbian despite my parents' grudge ❤️ Don't let anyone hold you back from being yourself 🏳️‍🌈💞

I hope you and Galpal are going well, I always love you guys and you are such a cute couple.

Aww, this was such a great video. Thank you for sharing your very private thoughts with the world, and specifically other lesbians.

Am so proud of you Lauren ❤️ This makes sooo happy to see you getting over it and doing so well in life You're extremely cute and adorable🥺 I loveee you 🥺 P.s I hope I'll come out to my parents soon :) Lots of love to you and Erin 💞

Amazing video Lauren!! You are so awesome

Oh my god I’m so happy you’re posted again

I needed this 💕

I also have that Goosebumps shirt. I love how it glows in the dark too 😊

This was such a great video. Thank you so much for sharing. The LGBTQ+ community has come a long way and there is still some people in the West that don’t accept us. Keep doing what you’re doing. Sending you and Galpal lots of love ❤️

Omg I was obsessed with Hex... And now I have a bit of a crush on one of the new presenters, Rad (WHO IS GAY!!!!!!) GGSP for the win!

Thanks for sharing.....the whole I like girls personalities.....same. Today I'm married to a girl and we are pregnant.....

HIII really love the video (lol like always) oh and ty didn't know about the purple thing i'm gonna buy a shirt this color and sit at home with it lol

I love this video. I started an extra diary for this stuff and i just wondered there if i am the only one who feels thinks like this and i always got so jealous of ppl who just could say yeah i'm gay cause it took me long time to get over the fact that i might like girls ,and my first girl crush is on a straight girl and since more than one year i'm still not over it, and i'm still not sure about my sexuallity so i say thank u cause this video helps a lot and i feel better, i wish u all the best💕🌈

I literally thought that I was so alone, because this was close to my experiences. I'm bi, but from all the comments from classmates saying i was greedy for liking both gender/sexualities made my depression I already had from my parents getting divorced had gotten so much worse. I am still very depressed, but i am slowly coping with it. I will probably be depressed my entire life, but i can live with it. If you're like me and have had anxiety/depression for most of your life, know you're not alone, and if younger you could handle it, then current you can too.

8:45 OMG I LOVED THAT SHOW I WATCHED IT SM AAAAA

I love the fan. Love the still me that's so awesome. I was so happy when I see you have finally make a new video. Missed your videos so much. This video was amazing love it. I like the way you write. Would love to see more diary entries videos. So glad you are happy and that you have found yourself. So proud of you. Always stay you.

Yayyyyy she’s back

Thank you for making this video you guys are a huge inspiration for me I hope to be like you when I get older❤️

My journey was faster. Only a year between questioning and coming out at age 15. As a teenager I wasn’t depressed but full of rage. And energy. I had the self esteem level of a middle aged white man. So it kinda helped me to accept myself. 😂 But yes I did cry over loving my friend…

how's your relationship going hope everything is going good, love your videos ♥

Yayyy I missed your video 🤩

Lol I’m still kinda figuring out my sexuality still but I am still like 90% sure I’m lesbiannn

Wow I love how you tried seeing what sexuality you are it was a journey and just love all your words and shows a picture of your journey. Some it was cute and sad and everything and basically it you trying to find how to live your true life the best you can thank you so much for sharing this great video

I can’t you make me cry 😭

i'm almost 15 (3 more months) and i'm also questioning my sexuality. Feels like I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself to label myself. I relate a little too much to your old self in terms of feelings and attraction. I'm pretty sure I am romantically interested in girls and I'm not sure if I'm interested in boys. I've never actually had a real crush, I mean there have been a few people (girls & boys) i have imagined myself being in a relationship with but I know (for sure) that the idea of being in a relationship with that specific dynamic and personality is more appealing to me than the actual person. I've never been jealous or anything when people are close to my "crushes" so idk. Plus the very idea of sex DOES repulse me (w boys & girls, but it's more tolerable or whatever w girls), idk if that's js because of my age or if i'm actually ace.. I've never actually been in a relationship obviously so idk if my perspective will be changed with experience. I also prefer female characters in books, movie and shows ALL the time. They're the ones who i think look 'cool' and 'hot'. And I can admit when male characters look 'cool' or aesthetically pleasing but it feels more like a fact than an opinion. Also, continuing with the film topic, whenever full on nudity is shown I immediately find the character LESS appealing or attractive or whatever. I remember watching euphoria's nude scenes (ik it's all highly age inappropriate but idc) and I was absolutely disgusted when they showed male *parts*. A slightly lower level of disgust but still very repulsed when they showed women's b--bs (i'm sorry 4 being so explicit). I don't mean to insult anyone's body or diginity but that was just my reaction. This level of disgust is probably only in accordance with my age tho but still. **sigh** this rant actually made me realize that i'm not as sure of my sexuality as i thought i was. i'm doubtful but i think i might be a cupioromantic (i literally discovered this word TODAY but i suppose it's applicable) asexual (or maybe demi??) biromantic (and/or bisexual). ANyways, long story short- idk if i'm attracted to boys or girls or both, idk if i'll ever actually get real romantic feelings towards someone AND idk if i'll ever be sexually attracted to someone. Basically- I DONT KNOW! AAHHHH!!! good day everyone.

Yeaaaah, ahaha, as an Aussie, defo crushed on Hex as a kid too! 😅

Your cry face is so cute

You look really good in that video

We all love spicy gay stories especially if it's obvious and stupid the way you find your sexuality 🌈😄

This is interesting (as all of your video's are) because as a straight cis male who have known that from very young age I have only little knowledge from what LGBTQIA+ people goes through.

Thanks!

I'm a few months late, but there is so much about those diary entries I can relate to. I'm old enough that asexual/aromantic weren't terms that were widely used when I was a teenager. I "coined" the term asexual to describe myself because I knew I wasn't attracted to men, so I thought that meant I wasn't attracted to anyone. I didn't really know being attracted to women was an option (although looking back I can definitely identify crushes going back to when I was very young). I'm not sure when I really learned about lesbians, but I was in my 4th year of college before I had any inkling I might be gay. It was another 5 years after that before I was confronted with my sexuality in a way I couldn't "explain". Over the next 6 months I went from oh I think I'm mostly straight this is just an aberration, to well OK so maybe I'm actually bisexual because women are very attractive but I also like guys (narrator insert: she in fact did not like guys, and never had), before finally being able to accept that I had feelings for a woman and it wasn't just a 1-time thing. I'd have those feelings again and again. I know it was hard struggling through all of those feelings. But you seem to be in a really great place now and I'm very happy for you.

How much you missed Lauren Me :- yessssssssssss 😭

thank you so much 🌈

YASS MY SCHOOL DID WEAR IT PURPLE AND I ALMOST MISSED IT LIKE SO CLOSE! but I didn’t I was wearing almost everything purple and I also came out to 3 of my friends. (Also hint for my age I was 5/6 in 2015 :/ and I’m also Aussie!)

Is it wierd that i didnt have a Problem with being gay 2 years ago (when i realised it) but now i really struggle to tell people bc i know i cant live in my hometown with my family and be gay? I told a few friends most of them support me but now that i started to think about how my live would be and what people gonna think about me i feel insecure and i dont know if im bisexual ( i tougt i was a lesbian) or if i just want to have a Chance to be happy and make my family happy btw i love your Videos and hallo from Germany

I hate how much I relate to this

Hi I loved your vid but I was wondering if you could make a vid of telling how Lesbians wear or should wear same with actions because I’m a Lesbian and I am so confused about it because everybody says “oh you don’t look or act like one” and I see all of these vids of how they dress and I don’t dress like them I love there style but it just isn’t my dressing style and I’m just ** years old and I really need help

Heck, I'm older than you and this was actually very helpful because I've constantly been debating it in my mind over years. I've gotten to the point where I don't like men. And i know i fall for women romantically, but sexually I'm scared. Recently, I've just wanted to be alone, but i worry I'm just holding myself back because I'm a bit of an avoidant personality. Anyways, just wanted to say this video helps as well.

Hey - always nice to see you in a new video ! Yay !! Our journeys to acceptance can be so damn difficult. And why? It makes me angry because it's natural for a minority of people to be lgbtq+. Why is it natural? Because it's always been that way, there's always been people who've been lgbtq+, they exist now and they will always exist because that's the way nature works. Look at animals, it's the same thing. We've been well accepted in some cultures throughout history but not nearly enough. So for something that's natural, why do we have such a hard time? Because of our backward society. I often feel our culture is just getting out of the Stone Age ! Incredible how dumb downed it is.

i kinda knew right awa and i was happy and showing it

Seriously great video. VERY relatable (except about boys, not girls). I'm a couple years older and was going through this before 2010, but compared by age you were about 2 years faster than me. Not that it matters at all, but that is not slow imho! I know many of your old video's are privated now, but (at least for me) they were specifically relatable as well. There is nothing wrong with having strong emotions reading back about such a confusing period. At least one result is that you are doing a good job at showing younger people that there is no reason to worry about figuring oneself out.

i got a girlfriend a week ago!!:D

I’m confused but if my mom figured out my sexuallys and she knew does that mean I still have to come out to her or am I out?

Hi everyone in the comment section ikr this is random but does anyone have any advice on how to get over someone you liked and how used to be your best friend ghosting you because you came out to them and they think is gross/ creepy.

Random question I’ve been thinking of, is it okay for a bisexual girl to say “I’m gay” or “I’m a lesbian” … I’ve noticed myself saying that a few times since I’ve been out as bi/comfortable with being bi … but then also I’m like “wait, no, I’m not gay I’m bi” but I kinda just use the terms “gay” and “lesbian” to refer to the fact that I’m a woman who’s into women. But I also feel like I’m like “stealing” the term from people who are *only* attracted to women…. Also guess I am participating in bi erasure by saying I’m gay or lesbian. But idk, I kinda like saying “im gay” instead of “im bi” … but I can’t decide how I actually feel about it. Kinda rambling comment, opinions on the topic appreciated lol

Is there like an app for lesbians where you can get a girlfriends cuz I mean like how do you get so many!?

I am currently making a gay bracelet

I've watched this video more than once because I am indeed confused. The thing is, I have a boyfriend, I like him and I care about him but theres a big part of me that hopes we wont end up together because I want girls, it's not that i am not happy with him, he's my type of person and we understand each other so much but I get crushes on girls and imagine having a life with a girl, I may or may not like a friend? Idk, but i don't want to break up with him because I don't want him to be sad and i don't want things to stop being as they are, of course not the kissing and stuff but I don't love that part, I want him always with me but maybe not in this way? Maybe i'm just wanting to not be like the straight couples i know or because of the bad examples i have in my family? My mom says she's certain that I don't love him but how can she know that if not even I know?

im questioning atm for me, I've had 'crushes'(boys) but they rest proper crushes- I only had them only because they looked and acted slightly better but I was never friends with any of them and couldn't find or see myself hugging, kissing or anything like that with them- I never got nervous or anything around them. (this was in primary school) I was and still am friends with people on the lgbtqia+ spectrum and got along well, I've even starting correcting my mum etc abt their pronouns as my mum still cant get it right and it just feels bad for me just to let my mum say the wrong pronouns. But like I have adhd autism and anxiety- so yh. anyways I cant seem to find people attractive at all like people are like who's hot? etc and im like no one- because for me generally there is no one hot- but like now that I seem to stare at one of my friends lips they r like perfect- but like I wanna hold hands with them but like I dont think I want to kiss or have the thing w anyone atm-

I’m a lesbian too

The 8 of may is my bday!!!!!

Yayyyyyyyy!!!!!!

When you said lesbian, I thought you were going to say AUSTRALIAN - I am assuming you're Australian, right? LOL

Ahhhhhh I have a baby gay dairy as wellll

Respect. Endless respect.

🥺🥺🥺🥺 literally

i've known i'm a lesbian for a while but i've loved the same girl almost the whole time and i've liked other girls in the interim but they've all rejected me or i've moved on and the one i love has a boyfriend and is definitely straight. she's going to college soon and i can't move on from her, i love her so much and i don't know how to go to school or anything without being able to see her... i was even flirting with a girl last year and i couldn't ask her out because i was so in love with the first girl sorry for ranting i'm having a really hard time rn

Reasons why I am not writing my diary right now: because in 20 years I’m going to look over it and explode because of embarrassment

Cool, I’m a aroace (aromantic and asexual) lesbian

I can realate to a lot of things, I was sure about being asexual when I was younger but day after day I realize that I'm just more attracted to girls... ✨

I love ur vids I’m a lesbian

12:14 too late (I think she might like me back)

Fuck, I kinda feel the same like you did... Asexual? Biromantic? What if I'm lesbian too? But what about boys then? Ahhhh I HATE IT i don't even know, maybe I'm straight, but tbh I don't think so, but I don't wanna say I'm gay/bi/pan whatever and then turn out to be straight afterwards? But anyways I don't rlly think I'm 100% straight but I can't make myself really commit to it... :( Anyone feeling the same?

hi

Are you still with Gal Pal?

Hi I’m kaysha I got a new account on RU-vid

😎😃😊😜😍😘💖

If you are 16 at 2013 then you were I think 17 when I was born

do u thinks its fine if a muslim is gay, i know someone ands they r shy to ask 😅

Hi like video your videos

HELLO are you still replying??