Ready Player One (the book) is Terrible 

Hitchhikers Guide was wrong, Vogon poetry is apparently the fourth worst poetry in the universe.

In year 2044 people would be still nostalgic about 1980's, because Hollywood would be still making remakes of 2010's remakes of 80's film.

"...if you can name the planet Luke Skywalker is from..." Ah yes, the obscure, cult classic 'Star Wars'.

Hilarious that Ernest is complaining that porn isn't made for 'nerds like him' , considering the sheer volume of hentai out there and that the vast majority of porn is made with only men in mind.

"I have seen every Star Trek episode, movie and TV show." Mike Stoklasa, is that you?

“I would argue that masturbation is the human animal's most important adaptation. The very cornerstone of our technological civilization. Our hands evolved to grip tools, all right-including our own. You see, thinkers, inventors, and scientists are usually geeks, and geeks have a harder time getting laid than anyone. Without the built-in sexual release valve provided by masturbation, it's doubtful that early humans would have ever mastered the secrets of fire or discovered the wheel. And you can bet that Galileo, Newton, and Einstein never would have made their discoveries if they hadn't first been able to clear their heads by slapping the salami (or "knocking a few protons off the old hydrogen atom"). The same goes for Marie Curie. Before she discovered radium, you can be certain she first discovered the little man in the canoe.” -- Ernest Cline, Author of Ready Player One And people think this guy is a genius.

Ready Player One had the potential to be a hilarious satire of modern pop culture's obsession with 60s through 80s nostalgia, but instead both the movie and the book turned out to just be "Big Bang Theory meets Sword Art Online".

"It takes five years for someone to look for an invisible wall in an Easter egg hunt." Meanwhile someone figured out in dark souls 3 you can use a certain spell in a certain place to turn yourself into a certain object that magically gives you access to a certain ladder. Now just imagine if money was on the line to find a way simpler secret

So is this guy attracted to like every woman in existence? He did say he’s attracted to any girl smarter than him

I would have liked to see ready player one with a person who hated all the 80s references but still forced to learn it to find the treasure.

IDK man, I foresee Battletoads having a huge revival in 2044

Must’ve been difficult for Cline to type out that whole poem one-handed

"Beam me up, Chewie." -Gandalf

Big Bang Theory fans finally get the manga, and the anime, they deserve

The war games scene is worse than you describe. It plays like this: "You have to re-enact War Games line by line" "Good thing I have all the lines memorized then" Book proceeds to re-tell the entire first fifteen minutes of War Games line by line.

I have zero interest in Star Wars and I can tell you that Luke Skywalker was from Tatooine.

I’d love it if the twist was that the main character actually did read the Wikipedia articles instead of watching the media itself. Then at the end, it shows Halliday telling him about how he made the egg because he was so in love with the 80s, and that he’s glad the reward is going to someone with the same appreciation as him, someone who grew up watching and enjoying the same things as he did. Suddenly, the main character realizes that he never actually got to enjoy the 80s: he just memorized everything to get super rich. He’d still take the money of course, but when he left the game, he’d go back to the real world wanting to truly live and enjoy what the game’s creator did. Then again, I’m not Ernest Cline (Thank God) and I’ve never read the book or seen the movie.

"Will do to geeks what Jaws did to the ocean" - The Wall Street Journal

don't talk to me or my 4.0 gpa ever again

The most unrealistic thing about Ready Player One is that despite the fact that the Oasis a super-customizatable character creation system with nonexistent censorship, everyone has these super-detailed, well-designed avatars. We have VRchat. We know damn well that's not what would happen.

"It's a good thing I know how to play guitar!!! Anyway here's Wonderwall."

A couple years ago I was writing a story about a really dumb, pop culture cluttered future where fake nostalgia for things you never experienced gave you social status. I had no idea there was already a similar story that took itself seriously.

Honestly, as a very casual writer, I feel a bit better about the stuff I write.

The stereotype of smart=ugly is the reason men don't take me seriously in my field because I like being very feminine. In engineering, women feel pressure to dress masculine and somber, and some girls do like dressing that way but not all. I never thought wearing wearing high heels in a STEM field would be political but the amount of "Why do you dress like that? You'd be prettier with less makeup" is way too high.

"This is spoken poetry, so I could be playing the actual author saying all of these things and you'd feel a lot grosser!" "Ohoho, yeah, that sure is the truth! Good thing that's not actually what you're doing though." *It starts playing, killing me instantly*

Realistic 2044 teen starter pack: Really into the movies of Michael Bay; "man, he was so misunderstood!" Wears shirts with out of context David Cameron quotes on because he thinks knowing who Dave is makes him interesting and clever "Man what's wrong with music now days. I miss the music of Lil Pump" "I wish horror was still subtle like it was when they made Alien Covenant and paranormal activity ten"

The worst part of the damn movie is that people used their vr sets OUTSIDE (kicking and walking around), WITHOUT any accidents. In real life, people would get ran over by cars, run into each other, get robbed, etc etc. There is no logical way that would ever be a thing (walking around with a vr set outside of your home).

Ready player one’s “geekyness” came off as tryhard tbh

"The kind of woman who drives nerds like me mad with desire" Anime 12 year olds?

My god. That porn poem. I'm SHOCKED that it didn't end with a "m'lady".

Will Wheaton blocked me for saying "Big bang theory more like big bad theory"

That whole description of his avatar’s custom vehicle made me groan/cry with how cringy and stupid it sounded.

I clapped when I saw the Akira bike! I know what an Akira is! This series BROKE NEW GROUND!

>If you can remember the name of Luke Skywalker’s home planet, you are hired So literally knowing the most surface level info about Star Wars makes you qualified?

This book come wearing its own fedora??? Jesus, this sounds exceptionally vapid.

I never realized Ready Player One was written by Onision...

"Mr. Potter, I don't feel so good..." -Luke McFly, Mad Max

This author definitely belongs on r/niceguys after that bit at the end.

So Ernest Cline is the quintessential "nice guy".

The movie was so-so. It blew my mind that it took YEARS to find the first easter egg. Which was literally going backwards at the start of a game level. That's the first thing anyone who's ever played a game does.

"You aren't a real woman unless you can tell me the name of Luke Skywalker's home planet." - Ernest Cline

If Ernest Cline had not listed 1000 references then I think the book would have only been 100 pages long.

Oh wow, the book really did come with its own fedora. The character doesn't even sound like an actual atheist. They sound like a 14 year-old internet troll who wants to annoy people online, and obsesses more over God than some people of religion. Man, straw-man atheist characters in sub-par Christian films seem more believable.

Important question: When he has to recite Montey Python and the Holy Grail, does he have to make the clop-clop sounds of the coconuts with his mouth? Does he sing the songs or just say them?

So... the film is better than the book? *_gosh that felt so satisfying to say_*

Ernest writes like I wrote once in middle school, read it, and said "I will never write like this again." And it still wasn't this embarrassing.

It's to literature what The Big Bang Theory is to TV.

“Inconceivable!” -Peter Parker, Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy

"It takes five years for someone to look for an invisible wall." Bunch of amateurs. Did no one put together a wiki for this place or what? It took me only five minutes to find all the hidden walls in Dark Souls.

After watching Family Guy I got sick of references. Constant references feels lazy and a cheap gimmick to pull in audiences with nostalgia and fads. It's feels like it's hiding the bad writing too.

Omg that poem is awful. Starts off referring to women as objects and ends with the whole “you ARE beautiful” thing.

"My Linkara is pretty much my MatPat." God I watch too much RU-vid. I sure wish a billionaire's ghost woulda warned me about wasting my life.

Incel player one

"I Studied Monty Python" i mean, i love their movies but...........study? really????????

A teenager in 2044 being into Buckaroo Banzai is like if a teenager today was into Flash Gordon (and I'm not talking about the '80s movie, I mean the film serials from the '50s).

Cline's poetry made me become a retroactive virgin and my entire reproductive system dried up like a snail in a salt bath

Now I want a Ready Player One audiobook by Quinton sarcastically reading it.... Make it happen Audible

Recently, I was wearing a Star Wars tshirt and just walking down the street. Some random guy saw me, stopped me, and asked, “What was Luke going to Toshi station for?” I don’t know. I don’t care. And I said as much. He gave me a smug look and said, “oh, from your shirt, I thought you liked Star Wars.” Wade, and the author, remind me of that guy. Never mind that I enjoy analyzing the themes and symbolism in Star Wars. Never mind that I like the lightsabers and dogfights and the relationships between the characters, mostly. No, I just need to know that Luke whined about wanting to go pick up fucking power converters and I am validated as liking a thing I like. I didn’t like the movie Ready Player One, but it seems much better than the book. Thanks for steering me clear of it. If I didn’t already have audible, I would use your code to get it.

I had to read this for a class. It felt like a CTRL ALT DELETE comic in book form

I just got to that poem and......... god, I'm never sleeping with men. ever.

This might have been interesting if this book had a poorly written character ON PURPOSE (which is why the writing is so terrible, since it is first person) who learns that he immersed himself in all of this for NO REASON because the "Easter egg" wasn't trillions and control of the most important platform and media in the world, but a trolling gif. Then the rest of the book is about how the protagonist realizes that he has no personality, no interests, no real friends, and no life, and has wasted so much time being obsessed with somebody else's life and interests, and has to go on a journey of self-exploration to figure out who he is. And the writing slowly gets less horrible as this goes on. There could even be a subplot to the second half of the book where he tries to expose this fact to the world about the "Easter egg" but nobody believes him or listens. It could be biting social commentary on the fact that you can't save a person who doesn't want to be saved, you can't force people to open their eyes if the fantasy is better and they want to ignore reality. There could be a whole group of people who already found the Easter egg, hundreds of them over the years, and they've created an underground society that he stumbles upon in a Matrix-like way. Man, I wrote the plot to a much better story in ten minutes.

Haha, this video is an ex-parrot. That was a reference to a famous sketch from the eighth episode of Monthy Python's Flying Circus, in which John Cleese and Michael Palin plays customer and shopkeeper in a petshop. In the sketch, the customer complains to the shopkeeper, that the parrot which he had been sold only half an hour earlier, was in fact dead. The shopkeeper claims that the parrot (Which by the way, was a "Norwegian Blue", which you may have inferred is a fictional species, as there are no parrots indigenous to Norway) is simply resting. This leads to a heated argument, in which the customer attempts to waken the bird by smashing it repeatedly into the counter. The shopkeeper however, refuses to admit that the bird is dead, which enrages the customer, and after a short tirade he exclaims, humorously, "This is an ex-parrot!".

I can't believe RPO was written by a "nice guy". All of this makes so much more sense now

"It's not like I'm against pornography; I'm a guy, and guys need po-" Suddenly, a different version of the author of this book teleports into scene, shoots at our reality's version of the guy, and screams: *"FACT."*

In essence, Ready Player One has the potential of being a satirical statement on the state of nostalgia in the modern society, but instead fails to provide any kind of philosophical insight and only serves as a self-insert scifi story that constantly reminds the reader of how the writer has no sense of geek culture, direction for his narrative or what an audience looks for in a story that promises scifi action and referentual humour. That's all we need.

Pretty sure by "for hours and hours" Mr. Cline meant "for about five minutes, but it feels like hours to her as she realizes what a terrible mistake she made".

You know your story is shit when SAO does the concept better

The ironic thing about Holy Grail is that it's a spoof of Camalot the musical a film that no one under 50 has seen.

Every time you read a passage from the book I feel like I'm on the edge of a stroke

the only reason this is popular is because middle school librarians recommend it to every kid.

The book is much better if you view wade not as a hero but a victim falling deeper and deeper into a hole of self imposed isolation and social outcast status.

Now imagine if the movie stopped and played the entirety of War Games in the middle of it.

The first thing I noticed when I clicked is that you really lost weight, -Quinton- *Brandon* Reacts! (Like alot) You look great as always.

I read the book. I didn't finish it. I finished twilight but I didn't finish ready player one

That kind of attitude towards of what women "should be" is a bit disturbing given recent events.

"The Making of Ready Player One: A True Story" "Hey Ernest" a new friend said, "What do you do for a living?" "I'm a writer." Ernest said with pride. "Oh yeah, what are you workin' on right now?" Realizing his bluff has been called Ernest scans his surroundings for an excuse, "Oh.... uh... something..." there sits a model DeLoreon on his desk "inspired by 80's pop culture, very hush hush, but it's going to be great!" "That is great, can I read it when you're done? I love the 80's! Ronald Reagan was the best! He really moved the country in the right direction economically, what with the trickledown and the unregulated Wall St." "Yeah, alright, thanx, just gtfo." And the new friend did. 'Wait just one minute.' Ernest thought to himself now that he was alone, 'now I actually have to come up with a story around 80's pop culture.... Well onto the fun part I guess: disguising procrastination as "research."' Several months later. Ernest Cline now looking like Mr. Stay Puft bloated by Cheezy Puffs, Mountain Dew and Doritos lays sedantary on his futon staring dead-eyed as the credits roll on Ghostbusters. His blood is thick as syrup. He's like Koffing in Snorlax's body with Slowpoke's brain. That is to say: he's nearly dead, and this will have to be the final stop on his indefinite binge. He turns the video app off and he's back to the PS4 home screen with all his platinum trophies (actually there's only one, a TellTale game) he stares into his orange stained fingers, the crusty semen on his boxers, then back to his 4K TV and his "badass" PSN avatar, the collection of blu rays stacked like Peach Trees on and around his entertainment system. His exhausted hand falls beside him and lands on a pair of VR goggles, the ones he bought just to play Arkham 3D. (Who doesn't want to be Batman?) Then it comes to him, all at once, well kind of constipated, like a drunken impotent revelation, as he glares into those goggles like an alien artifact, he says out loud "Whoa! Maybe _this _*_is_*_ the story!"_

I feel like this book was only successful and praised because it was released at a time when geek and nerd culture exploded into popularity because of things like the Big Bang Theory and the MCU. I cannot think of any other reason how people thought this was good when large chunks are spent quoting things and reading cringe poetry.

The movie: "I Get That Reference: The Movie" The book: "Ernest Cline: The Fantasy Novel"

In my english 12 class, we were supposed to read ready player one and write an assignment about the book using the criticism focuses. The school rejected the book due to it's vulgarity. I guess i'm lucky i dodged the bullet there. Got to read 1984 instead

Ready Player One is literally the only book I have never been able to finish due to sheer stupidity. Usually I can convince myself to finish terrible books out of spite, or to give it a proper chance, but I don't even think I made it past chapter five. The author is incapable of telling the difference between himself and his stupid self-insert OC that it sounds like a forty year old man whining about millenials instead of a seventeen year old boy, and the character is absolutely insufferable because of it. He goes on long drawn out inner monologues about how he's lazy, how he's not attractive, how he doesn't work hard, how he's rude, and meanspirited-- but then immediately turns it around and starts whining about how it isn't fair that he doesn't get what /other/ people have, because wahhhh, life's not fairrrr, I'm a good person, wahhhh, I have to replay the same level in this game everyday and people make fun of me, wahhhh. He's constantly treating ALL of his friends like shit, since he thinks he's the most important person in the universe. And literally the first time we meet his "best friend" they have an argument like two nine year old boys about what movies are the best, and then when his friend has a different opinion than him he starts throwing a temper tantrum like the world's about to end and his friend gets annoyed, and he plays the victim. Keep in mind that they author was writing this "witty banter" as if it was supposed to be whimsical or some display of childhood "innocence". Then, to top it all off, every problem is miraculously solved by his dumbass nerd trivia, and it's like the entire point of the book is just to reassure neckbeards and niceguys that it's not /them/ who needs to work on things to improve their lives, it's /society/ who just doesn't appreciate their obvious talents of quoting shitty factoids from things that they never actually watched and sitting on their asses all day. The narrator is so bitter about everything too, and there's this constant running tone that makes it obvious the author not only believes everything he's projecting through the main character, but that he thinks his opinions are superior to everyone else's. He goes on this whole monologue about Christianity like five minutes in, and it's so preachy and mind numbing that I literally wanted to kick his ass despite not being Christian. This book was marketed as a young adult novel, so it's nice to know that good chunk of kids who ended up reading this were immediately told how stupid they are by the author within four paragraphs of picking it up. The narrator also has this really creepy way of describing the girl he has a crush on, where he analyzes literally every aspect of her avatar's body and talks about how she's "not like most girls" because she doesn't have a SEXY avatar, and he doesn't LIKE sexy girls, because they're not "real". But literally all it comes off as is, wahhhhhh, someone hot turned me down once, look what a nice guy I am thinking a "non traditionally" attractive person is prettyyyy. It also makes it pretty obvious what he thinks about women in general, because let's face it, if you're a woman who likes to dress up their avatar? Ahhh, then you should feel bad, because you're estranging slugs and their feelings are more important than yours. I think he thing that annoys me the most about the story is it's also marketed to a lot of people with autism and aspergers because of its representation within the book. I didn't know this going in, but pretty much the minute they did the whole, "Oh yeah, Halladay was a MASSIVE FUCKING DICK, but it's okay because he had aspergers." I got officially pissed off and gave up reading anymore. Literally all of my siblings are on the autism/aspergers spectrum and if this is the shit that people think is "good representation" for them, then I think it's time mommy bloggers start actually reading the books they start toting instead of just adding random crap they find on top ten lists to their own top ten lists. I think the only upside to this is if a book this shitty can become a New York Times bestseller, there's not much stopping me from writing a dumb fucking book and making millions off of it too.

If... it’s 2044... and there’s an Easter egg... I think that hackers would have already datamined it by now. Also. Good lord. Being smart and being pretty isn’t mutually exclusive. Good lord... that poem...

Oh God, just the passages you read gave me an aneurysm. This is self-insert fanfiction level of writing. How was this read by a publisher, proof-read by an editor and released to the public? Has Twilight and 50 Shades lowered the bar so much that you can create garbage like this and make millions, just as long as you exploit the right target audience? That's sad, and ironically would probably be a major theme of a good version of Ready Player One.

Oh my god, thank you so much for bringing up that poem written by Cline. It's so freaking cringy and it gives us a deep dive straight into his psyche. He's one of the nice guys, who doesn't care if a woman is beautiful as long as she's smart! It's bull crap. It's a victim complex of "Look, I'm not like those other guys. I don't just want you for your body and reproductive organs, I respect you as a person." No, because if you did, you wouldn't go out of your way to write a poem shaming women who make money via their looks and discrediting the fact that they're probably pretty damn smart for being able to make a career out of it.

I feel like, given the setting of the book, the characters should be nostalgic for this time period we are living in right now. The characters should be geeking out over like, Minecraft and Game of Thrones or something.

The book is unreadable. I remember there are like three pages in a row where he just lists stuff he's read or watched and it is the most tiresome thing I've ever read in my life, ending with the words "...and of course, Kevin Smith." What!? It's 60s-80s culture, yeah, but also random 90s things thrown in to make sure he's nostalgia-grabbed everyone.

I was cleaning out my nightstand during the part Quinton was reading passages, and for a time I thought he was just doing a bit until I looked up to see that he was actually reading from the book.

ok I lost it when you laughed after "for hours" PLEASE kill me now tho

Imagine if Ernest had the imagination to give the chars a sort of bladerunner-cityspeak or like the lingo in A Clockwork Orange made up of nerdy in-jokes and references. That would have been something.

Quinton I want you to know how much this video means to me So I made a side quest where you can bone live action Crocker from the fairly odd parents movies

Having a bunch of people running around the Oasis with 80s-inspired avatars in the year 2044 is basically the equivalent of people in VR Chat having avatars from the 1950s.

The Ready Player One book is like a poorly made self-insert fanfiction, written by a borderline niceguy.

"Harry Potter for adults" Most of the people who like HP are adults lmao.

I audibly said “oh no” when you said you had found his poem

So listening to Jenny Nicholson's "Ready Player One for Girls", and then hearing you read the actual excerpts is a wild experience. I honestly thought Jenny was paraphrasing.

Ready Player One; the Dark Souls of Harry Potter - My Sarcastic Ass

I love how it took someone 5 years to solve the first part of an arg when the solution is literally just to drive backwards, especially with money on the line. Has this guy seen any of the theorists who obsessively look through every cranny of args to find even the smallest details? This would be solved in a day.

I think you're 100% right that the idea of a whole subculture of people whose lives revolve around being pop-culture experts, not because they like it but because they want to be rich and powerful, sounds like an incredible vessel for biting social commentary. It's always such a shame to see the disconnect between what something sounds like in theory and how disappointing it is in execution.

I love when he says "bragging about listening to They Might Be Giants is like bragging about breathing".

Ah yes. A story about a gatekeeping misogynistic nice guy’s self insert Mary Sue fanfiction. Pass This is bad comedy

If this main character was a girl they'd be calling her a Mary Sue. Amusing how people don't seem to notice how rampant flawless male characters are who can surmount any challenge with limited ease, but virtually no one calls them Gary Stews.