Real Lawyer Reacts to LAWYER JOKES // LegalEagle

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⚖️ Do you need a great lawyer? I can help! legaleagle.link/eagleteam ⚖️
What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean...funny!
Learn to write GOOD jokes with 2 months of unlimited learning on SKILLSHARE for FREE: legaleagle.link/skillshare
All kidding aside, go watch Dr. Mike. He’s great: / doctormike
You might be surprised, but I actually love lawyer jokes. Sadly, I think the public estimation of lawyers has actually gone up, which means the prevalence of lawyer joke has gone down. Feels like people really hated lawyers in the 80’s and 90’s but now people just kind of accept them [very Mr. Burns voice: Excellent…]
Anyway, I know you make fun of us because you love us! Here’s my reaction to a collection of lawyer jokes from around the internet and whether they hold a kernel of truth.
BTW, I’ll be at VidCon and EduCon July 8-13! Come say hi...I’ll be the old man wearing a tie.
And send in memes for my upcoming meme review here: / legaleagledj
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★More series on LegalEagle★
Real Lawyer Reacts: goo.gl/hw9vcE
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I get asked a lot about whether being a practicing attorney is like being a lawyer on TV. I love watching legal movies and courtroom dramas. It's one of the reasons I decided to become a lawyer. But sometimes they make me want to pull my hair out because they are ridiculous.
Today I'm taking a break from representing clients and teaching law students how to kick ass in law school to take on lawyers in the movies and on TV. While all legal movies and shows take dramatic license to make things more interesting (nobody wants to see hundreds of hours of brief writing), many of them have a grain of truth.
This is part of a continuing series of "Lawyer Reaction" videos. Got a legal movie or TV show you'd like me to critique? Let me know in the comments!
All clips used for fair use commentary, criticism, and educational purposes. See Hosseinzadeh v. Klein, 276 F.Supp.3d 34 (S.D.N.Y. 2017); Equals Three, LLC v. Jukin Media, Inc., 139 F. Supp. 3d 1094 (C.D. Cal. 2015).
Typical legal disclaimer from a lawyer (occupational hazard): This is not legal advice, nor can I give you legal advice. Sorry! Everything here is for informational purposes only and not for the purpose of providing legal advice. You should contact your attorney to obtain advice with respect to any particular issue or problem. Nothing here should be construed to form an attorney client relationship. Also, some of the links in this post may be affiliate links, meaning, at no cost to you, I will earn a small commission if you click through and make a purchase. But if you click, it really helps me make more of these videos!
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Опубликовано:

3 июл 2019

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Комментарии : 3,3 тыс.

@LegalEagle 5 лет назад

Get 2 months of unlimited learning on SKILLSHARE for FREE (and help this channel!): skl.sh/legaleagle14

@thetruthhasbeendeterminedt742 5 лет назад

This video is a great change of pace video.... Keep them and also keep the "childhood destruction" videos...... Do memes too, you're a lawyer just bill RU-vid extra

@audiencemember0098 5 лет назад

Please do Memes they seem entertaining and can be somewhat educational in terms what is or isn't true.

@jreal3145 5 лет назад

You should do a video on the TV show Bull

@dhxmg 5 лет назад

It's rather telling to me I've never heard of or seen anything from the dude you recommended...

@JakeLYT 5 лет назад

We're still waiting on that Doctor Mike collab :)

@gurmukhmongia7190 4 года назад

Law Professor: “You’re currently failing your Ethics course” Me: *slides a $20 across the table* “How about now?”

@realworldissues 4 года назад

Still failing 😤, Now if you make a Benjamin I'll see what I can do about that F.

@misimaromemes5172 4 года назад

Verdict : Fail Reason : Offering money is unethical

@DreamlandRoses 4 года назад

Law Professor: 20$, a piece of Chewed up gum, and a paper clip?

@glitchxedfix134 4 года назад

@@DreamlandRoses and an expired Burger King coupon: take it or leave it

@gurmukhmongia7190 4 года назад

@@misimaromemes5172 Yeah, that's the joke.

@zDesertRatz 4 года назад

Genie: I shall grant you three wishes Me: I want a world without lawyers Genie: done, you have no more wishes Me: i thought you said I had 3 Genie: sue me

@matrixphijr 4 года назад

Oh that’s GOOD.

@Jartran72 4 года назад

@@matrixphijr is it though?

@thedarkdragon1437 4 года назад

Genie: Sue me Me: ok In court: Judge: Guilty of all charges Genie: but I didn't have a legal trial, i need my attorney Judge: Since you made all lawyers dissappear, you are having a legal trial. Genie: back to lamp I guess.

@davidvanhorn2493 4 года назад

TheDark Dragon he’s a genie though

@SlippPlays 4 года назад

AHHHHHHHH I GET IT!!! but he didn't grant the universe with no lawyers so technically he could still be sued. By genie lawyers >:3

@eph2vv89only1way 4 года назад

My favourite lawyer joke was in “The Bee Movie.” When Barry Bee mentions that his mosquito friend has become a lawyer and the mosquito replies, “ I was already a blood sucking parasite. All I needed was the brief case.” Lol

@HerculesRockefellerESQ 3 года назад

That's pretty good 😂

@net_lag 2 года назад

That's my favourite joke in general almost

@AJHyoton 3 года назад

A young lawyer, defending a businessman in a lawsuit, feared he was losing the case and asked his senior partner if he should send a box of cigars to the judge to curry favor. The senior partner was horrified. “The judge is an honorable man,” he said, “If you do that, I guarantee you’ll lose the case!” Eventually, the judge ruled in the young lawyers favor. “Aren’t you glad you didn’t send those cigars?” the senior partner asked. “Oh, I did send them,” the younger lawyer replied. “I just enclosed my opponents business card with them.”

@Merrsharr 5 лет назад

The one my professor told during the first lecture of the year The surgeon tells a patient who needs a heart transplant: "You are in luck, we have two matching donors. A twenty year old athlete and an 80 year old lawyer, which heart do you want?" The patient answers "Give me the lawyer's heart, that one hasn't been used yet."

@cdgonepotatoes4219 5 лет назад

Man, medical jokes and lawyer jokes in the same place, is this the legendary crossover we've been promised?

@leohino9211 5 лет назад

Heyo!

@mikekillagreen9432 5 лет назад

Lol

@marcfoster715 5 лет назад

@@cdgonepotatoes4219 Matlock vs Diagnosis Murder

@EddyA1337 5 лет назад

To be fair I met a lawyer with a heart who charged me only 10% of normal for a BS charge I got (it was dismissed). Everyone loves to hate on lawyer until they need one.

@discoverybg31 5 лет назад

Here in Iowa, State Law requires a lawyer's grave be 10 feet deep instead of the traditional 6. This is because, deep down, lawyers aren't too bad.

@holysecret2 5 лет назад

Good one ^^

@Fr8monkey 5 лет назад

I thought they were buried 12 feet deep so they are closer to where they are going...

@nelsonta00 5 лет назад

Its just in case they come back alive and try to claw their way out to sue somebody.

@MrBbbakersk 5 лет назад

In Puerto Rico they say you have to bury them facing down so when they come back to life they will crawl directly to hell

@samaranis6504 5 лет назад

@@MrBbbakersk Whoa that escalated quickly.

@theoneandonlymichaelmccormick 3 года назад

My dad’s a lawyer, and he’s got a Far Side comic taped to his wall. It’s of a lawyer explaining his life to St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, and St. Peter going: “You know, this would go by a lot quicker if you stopped saying ‘allegedly’ so much”.

@dannyholbert8689 4 года назад

As a lawyer woke up in the hospital after surgery he asked, “Why are all the blinds drawn in here?” The nurse answered, “There’s a fire across the street and we didn’t want you to think the operation had been a failure.”

@laran9922 3 года назад

Wait, is it because he goes to hell? 😅

@preston74 3 года назад

Just spit out my coffee laughing!

@vetleallum2965 3 года назад

@@laran9922 yes 😬

@JonatasAdoM 2 года назад

@@laran9922 *AAAAAAH*

@ezrariner 4 года назад

My favorite lawyer joke is a guy walks into a bar and loudly proclaims "All lawyers are assholes!" A man at the bar stands up and say "Hey! I resent that." The man sneered and asked "What are you a lawyer?" and the man says "No, I'm an asshole!"

@esppupsnkits4560 4 года назад

Ezra B. Riner that’s a good one

@helstromh 3 года назад

Sounds like he was related to the crew of Spaceball One...

@marcmandel7195 Год назад

heard that one.... from a lawyer.

@WKRPwpig 5 лет назад

Legal Eagle and Dr. Mike are at a party. Dr. Mike is relieved to see him, because people always want to ask him for medical advice, so he asks Legal Eagle if he should start charging. Legal Eagle says definitely yes. After the party, Dr. Mike gets a bill from Legal Eagle.

@CatrionaCharles 5 лет назад

WKRP that’s really good!

@laimonassileika2285 5 лет назад

I really appreciate this comment...

@Fede_uyz 5 лет назад

Jokes on Legal Eagle, Dr. Mike billed it as a consult without insurance

@terrismith2277 5 лет назад

Pee-woop!

@gamesseg 5 лет назад

Nice XD

@arcticbanana66 3 года назад

A joke I heard from a friend of mine who is a lawyer: What do you call somebody who graduated from med school at the bottom of their class? "Doctor." What do you call somebody who graduated from law school at the bottom of their class? "Your Honor."

@Mark_Agamotto1313_Smith 3 года назад

And, What do you call someone who graduated BCT at the bottom of their class? "SIR!"

@HariSeldon913 3 года назад

I once asked a proctologist why he chose that specialty. He answered that it was because he was at the bottom of his class.

@billmankin6204 4 года назад

One I would have loved to see your reaction to: A Surgeon a Physicist and a Lawyer are out on a fishing trip on a deep sea fishing boat. Suddenly, the boat's motor dies, along with, for some unexplained reason, the radio, the radar, and the captain. Sharks start to circle the vessel, and all three are understandably concerned for their survival. The three commence to arguing their predicament, which comes down to: Lawyer: My client needs me, and if I don't get to court tomorrow morning, he may go to prison for years, or at least need a continuance. Surgeon: I have a heart transplant tomorrow morning. If i die the patient will probably not survive the surgery, and his wife and four kids will be devastated. Physicist: I am working on a new development in nuclear fission, which could save the world from global warming, and it will all be lost if I die. And it's cool. Beat that. The lawyer grudgingly says, "Ok, I get it." and takes off his shirt, dives into the water and swims off to get help. The sharks inexplicably veer away and avoid attacking him. He returns an hour later, on a Coast Guard vessel to save his surprised companions. On the way back, they ask, "Why did the sharks not attack you?" to which the Lawyer responds: "Professional courtesy."

@marcpeterson5115 3 года назад

My version (shorter): Why did the Mako shark not eat the lawyer? Proffesional courtesy.

@dernvader6876 3 года назад

My version (even more shorter & spelled correctly): Why did the shark not eat the lawyer? Professional courtesy.

@gsjdndnndns1818 3 года назад

RESPECT is all I can say

@abdullahehe 2 года назад

why shark no eat it nice

@olimar7647 2 года назад

@@dernvader6876 even shorter: Why shark no eat lawyer? Professional.

@yassenpetrov2303 5 лет назад

Two law students sit in a café, reach in their bags and pull out sandwiches. A waiter approaches them and says: "Excuse me, you can't eat your own food here." "Oh", say the students and switch sandwiches with each other.

@InvisiblerApple 5 лет назад

Three programmers walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Do all three of you want a beer?" The first one says, "I don't know." The second says, "I don't know." The third says, "Yes."

@neomarrodriguez9255 5 лет назад

@@InvisiblerApple I don't get it

@jonramsey36 5 лет назад

@@neomarrodriguez9255 it's a logic based joke... they all want a beer because... 1) I want a beer but don't know if 2 AND 3 want a beer 2) I want a beer but don't know if 1 AND 2 want a beer 3) I want a beer and know 1 AND 2 want a beer so we all want beers. 1 had no way of knowing either wanted a beer. 2 knew 1 wanted a beer when he didn't say "no". He wanted a beer also, but didn't know how 3 would answer. 3 knew he wanted a beer and knew the other two did too because otherwise they would have said no. If any one of them didn't want a beer that one would say no, and neither 1 nor 2 could have said yes definitively.

@jonramsey36 5 лет назад

so is that beer/3 or (3*beer)/3 because I don't want 1/3rd of a beer! The way it's written sort of implies beer/3. Need the quantifier "each" otherwise it's too vague.

@Machtyn 5 лет назад

@@jonramsey36 Just as long as it isn't beer\3. Then the third programmer may as well have just stated no, because the result would have been the same.

@christiandevey3898 4 года назад

"It's the 99% who give us 1% a bad name" - my uncle (who is a lawyer)

@imluvinyourmum 4 года назад

It's funny how lawyers and prosecutors generally dislike cops lol

@CaptainDoomsday 4 года назад

Now that is a context-sensitive statement.

@janvanv 4 года назад

I say the same about cops..and I have known a number personally both here in the US and in a couple of other countries....

@piggysmalls4373 4 года назад

@Lenny69 シ tell me, why do you hate cops

@etsilverman3937 4 года назад

1914: motorbike enthusiast insists "99% of all motorbike owners are responsible, law-abiding citizens" 1915: "1%" patch now requisite biker attire

@brendanlannig6693 2 года назад

An engineer/lawyer joke I heard back in college: An engineer died and was mistakenly sent to hell. Fairly quickly, he had redesigned the place. Hell cooled down considerably thanks to the air conditioning he built and installed. The escalators and elevators worked just fine. Manual labor was quickly becoming a thing of the past. God looked down one day and noticed all the changes. He called down to the devil to ask how these improvements came about. The devil replied, “That engineer you sent me.” “What engineer? You’re not supposed to have an engineer. Send him back up here!” The devil’s answer was simple… “No.” “If you don’t send that engineer back right now, I’m going to be very angry. In fact, I’ll sue you!” The devil replied, “And . . . where are you going to get a lawyer?”

@cpcoultertweedles7216 3 года назад

This was my brother's (lawyer) description on Facebook for the longest time. "Arguing with a lawyer is like mud-wrestling with a pig. Eventually you're going to realize that the pig actually enjoys it."

@txaggievet 5 лет назад

A man was sent to hell for his sins. As he was being led into the pits for an eternity of torment, he saw a lawyer passionately kissing a beautiful woman. “What a joke!” he said. “I have to roast in flames for all eternity and that lawyer gets to spend it with that beautiful woman.” Satan jabbed the man with his pitchfork and snarled, “Who are you to question that woman’s punishment?”

@White_Tiger2169 5 лет назад

Lol funny

@koykoyonly1628 4 года назад

@lancetheking7524 4 года назад

oof

@nasrhussain9061 3 года назад

In Islam , Satan can not punish anyone, Actually God is the one who will punish him.

@kankereganbada1184 3 года назад

@@nasrhussain9061 dude

@PavarottiAardvark 5 лет назад

Did you hear about the Jurisprudence Fetishist? He got off on a technicality.

@dhotnessmcawesome9747 5 лет назад

Awesome.

@amehak1922 5 лет назад

Lol

@MetaMarcy21 5 лет назад

Too good

@SlimThrull 5 лет назад

That's awful! I love it.

@mattbriddell9246 5 лет назад

OMG!!!

@danmcgarvey7620 3 года назад

A man asks a lawyer to defend him against a charge of robbing vending machines. The lawyer asks if he can afford his fee. the man replies "Will you take quarters?"

@08Farfar 3 года назад

A guy asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?” The girl replied with a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?” The guy then responded with a loud voice: “$500 FOR ONE NIGHT!? THAT'S TOO MUCH!” All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered in her ear: "I study law, and I know how to screw people".

@RetoHartinger 3 года назад

this one is sooo goood

@beeheeyu2271 3 года назад

Lol

@greenapple9477 3 года назад

@@RetoHartinger This one is pretty damn good. 😂😂😂

@Wraithnine 2 года назад

Heh heh

@eiavops4576 Год назад

If he was a real lawyer he would sue her for defimation

@lstsnwfll 4 года назад

Hahaha, here's one that I liked: A lawyer went to a pet shop and saw three parrots priced 5k, 10k and 20k respectively. The laywer asked the owner, why is that parrot worth 5k? That parrot can deliver an opening statement that can win the jury without fail. Really? That's a smart parrot! The lawyer exclaimed. What about the other parrot? Why is it worth 10k? He asked further. That one can do everything the first parrot can do, plus it can write a brief that will win any case. Wow! The lawyer said, clearly impressed. What about the last parrot, why is it worth 20k? The owner said: well actually, I've never seen that parrot do anything usefull... But the other two parrots call him senior partner!

@theaveragecomment1014 4 года назад

lol

@BJGvideos 4 года назад

Objection, being a parrot is the most useful skill they have.

@matrixphijr 4 года назад

420. Blaze it. 😎

@anthonynorman7545 4 года назад

This is perfect!!!

@zfilms4858 4 года назад

Why do I think "Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney" when I read this?

@whitleydobbs899 5 лет назад

Me: “I’m not saying a word with out my lawyer present” Cop: “you are the lawyer.” Me: “then we’re is my present?”

@candykanefpv98 4 года назад

lol i'm imagining the cop's face after the punchline.

@whitleydobbs899 4 года назад

Echo haha lol

@greenranger1983 4 года назад

That's hilarious!

@W0lfbaneShikaisc00l 4 года назад

Cop: (runs hands over his face and reluctantly hands him a glass of water) Lawyer: Are you legally allowed to do that? Cop: Don't you want your present? Lawyer: I don't want to tamper my own evidence!

@MrGamelover23 4 года назад

I don't get it?

@johncowell9748 3 года назад

I was the defendant in court being cross-examined by my wife's lawyer. I upset the lawyer, who retorted with "I have been practising for 15years. " I replied with "Well if you keep practising you might get it right." The Magistrate had a laughing fit.

@seanwilkinson7431 Год назад

There are only two professions that are said to be organized: Crime and Religion. There are also only two professions that are said to be practiced: Law and Medicine.

@katanah3195 10 месяцев назад

@@seanwilkinson7431 And those two organised groups are all too often the same thing.

@stephenjacks8196 3 года назад

The best Lawyer jokes are on legal websites. Man goes to curio store and buys a brass rat statue. As he leaves he notices rats following him. As he walks more and more rats join. He changes direction and they follow. He reaches the seawall then throws the statue into the ocean. The rats follow the statue and drown. The guy goes back to curio store, the proprietor says, "no refunds". Guy says, "no, I came back to see if you had a lawyer statue."

@AskAScreenwriter 5 лет назад

What's the problem with lawyer jokes? Lawyer's don't think they're funny, and no one else thinks they're jokes. What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Your Honor. What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge.

@Firegen1 5 лет назад

That third joke was incredible. Ouch

@EddyA1337 5 лет назад

Agreed the third one was pretty good

@Okyourite 5 лет назад

Wow 😂😂😂

@FlanneryYT 5 лет назад

What's the difference between a lawyer and a video game's programmer? The programmer sees the games as rules, but a lawyer sees rules as a game.

@minetruly 4 года назад

A lawyer well known for his ruthlessness had recently lost his right eye. He spent a lot of money to have a new eye crafted for him that was so realistic, it couldn't be distinguished from a real eye. He was very proud of his eye and challenged a colleague to guess which eye was the fake eye. The colleague studied them only briefly and announced with great certainty, "The right eye is the fake one." Astonished, the lawyer asked, "How could you tell?" The colleague replied, "Because I could see that glimmer of warmth and humanity in the right eye."

@NoriMori1992 4 года назад

That's adapted from a passage in _Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe._ Unless that book got it from somewhere else in turn.

@gehtdianschasau8372 3 года назад

Did he loose the eye in a bird attack?

@normalguyhere9158 3 года назад

Apply cold water to the burned area

@jeffbenton6183 3 года назад

@@normalguyhere9158 I see you're a man of culture

@normalguyhere9158 3 года назад

@@jeffbenton6183 ah you as well

@Rhyas9 4 года назад

"If she was definitely going to win the case no matter what the facts were, and no matter how strong the opposing side's case was, why won't Mary Sue?"

@NoriMori1992 4 года назад

Damn, that's a good one 😂

@86Deco 3 года назад

Three surgeons are sitting around discussing their favorite type of people to perform surgery on. The first surgeon says, "I like mathematicians, their organs are all in numerical order." The second says, "I like engineers, they always understand when you have parts leftover." The third says, "I prefer lawyers. They are heartless, spineless, brainless, gutless, and their head and rears are interchangable."

@lilymarinovic1644 Год назад

My absolute favourite lawyer joke of all time

@lyamorian767 Год назад

Man, that hurts.

@Dragon1813 4 года назад

A lawyer is sitting in his office, when a bright flash of light shines in then it's gone, and an angel in a white suite is standing there. Lawyer: Who the devil are you? Angel: No, I'm from the other way. Lawyer: Oh. So, what are you doing here? Angel: I've just been curious to meet someone in your profession. Lawyer: Seriously, you came all the way down here to meet a lawyer? Angel: Well you certainly don't expect me to find one up there do you.

@9051team 4 года назад

Oof

@ryanrahebi9490 4 года назад

Savage lmao

@kaitan4160 4 года назад

Reminds of the one about a couple wanting to marry and dying o ntheire way there. A Couple is on their way to the Marriage as the car crashes. At the Gates of Heaven they ask Petrus if they can marry in Heaven since they really wanted to get married. Petrus tells them okay, but it will take time. 100 Years later they get actually married and everything is fine at first. But after 30 Years the love is gone and they search for Petrus. Telling him they want to get divorced since they arent happy anymore and dont wat to spend eternity together anymore. Petrus answers: "it took 100 Years to get an Priest up here to get you married. But an Lawyer for your divorce will never happen!"

@rincewindXIV 5 лет назад

OBJECTION: I laughed at the jokes. You called me a bad person. This is slander.

@KarmasAB123 5 лет назад

It's only slander if you can prove damages and your feelings don't count

@avaren7660 5 лет назад

@@KarmasAB123 he lost his job because of this... Lawers ruining the lives of all

@SamForViceroy 5 лет назад

I believe since this is a recorded medium it's libel.

@yodaflyz 5 лет назад

Lol! XD

@kamiochambless2590 5 лет назад

He, himself, laughed at the jokes. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

@bobbyjackson4452 3 года назад

The only lawyer joke I know goes like this: Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: You'll usually see skid marks before you reach the skunk....

@heimdall1973 3 года назад

I was just about to post this one!

@km-cg5df 3 года назад

A: the skunk was an accident

@geraldfrost4710 3 года назад

I've heard this one before, except with a snake. A lady friend of mine says, "all snakes are poisonous until proven dead." And still there are skid-marks.

@heimdall1973 3 года назад

@@geraldfrost4710 Vipers are poisonous, but not all snakes are.

@davidbrigden4194 3 года назад

@@heimdall1973 I don't think any snakes are poisonous, although some are venomous. Greetings from your friendly neighborhood pedant.

@drinks1019 4 года назад

Time to laugh like a lawyer Lawyers: *stares in bureaucratic silence*

@jessemarcus 4 года назад

How many lawyer jokes are in existence? Only three. All the rest are true stories.

@ufodeath 4 года назад

I guess this wouldn't even count as one of the three then, it's true!

@sagesheahan6732 4 года назад

Ooooof XD

@metleon 4 года назад

A man walks into a bar. "So where do I take the exam?"

@drops2cents260 3 года назад

So there's this young LL.M. who visits his parents, and they ask: "So, son, how did the bar exam go?" "Well, the lagers are really tasty, they have some nice single malts and the Margaritas are great. But they put way too much Vermouth in their Martinis."

@FabbrizioPlays 3 года назад

I wanted to give a lawyer joke but all I had was a Fisherman defendant who brought in twelve docks and called it a jury of his piers, and frankly, it just wouldn't come together into the form of a joke for me.

@RandyKalff 3 года назад

In a sudden change of course, a whole courtroom was moved to a seaside location. The plaintiff's lawyer asked the defendant's lawyer "I know the defendant is a fisherman, but why did they move the courtroom out here?". The defendant's lawyer gestured to a line of twelve docks and said "My client has a right to a jury of his piers".

@johnrtrucker 2 года назад

A lawyer was accused of "ambulance chasing" and the lawyer said "I have alot of clients all over the city and the ambulance just happens to go where I'm going every time"

@igorsvilenkov5365 4 года назад

There were two vampires, father and son. And when the boy grew up, the father decided to teach him vampire skills. One night they went hunting and the father vampire grabs one human and says “look soon, just bite him by the neck and suck some blood.” The son asks “But why not suck all the blood and leave him dry?” The father replies “You know son, we are vampires not lawyers”

@kimp.5853 4 года назад

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?' She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney nearly died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."

@Riprake 4 года назад

An eccentric millionaire on his deathbed calls in a pastor, a doctor, and a lawyer and tells them "I've heard people say you can't take your money with you when you go, but now I'm going to prove them wrong." Handing each of them a thick envelope, he continues "In each of these envelopes is a million dollars. At my graveside service, right before they put my coffin in the ground, each of you is to throw your envelope into the grave ahead of it. Now give me your word that you will honor this last request of mine." All three of them think this a rather bizarre request, but they give their word. A week later, the man dies, and shortly thereafter comes his funeral. As instructed, each of them throws his envelope into the grave right before the coffin is lowered in. At a reception afterward, the three of them sit around a table conversing about their recently deceased associate and what a strange request that was. "Brothers, I have confession to make," says the pastor. "One of the wings of my church has been in disrepair for a long time, and my congregation's been going through hard times recently, so offerings are down and our church is barely scraping by on its monthly budget as it is. So... I took a quarter of the million dollars in that envelope to spend on renovating that old building. There were only three quarters of a million dollars in there when I tossed it in." "I gotta confess too!" says the doctor. "The hospital's also been going through hard times, and we were really struggling to raise money for constructing a new wing to hold a cancer ward for children, so I took half the money from that envelope and donated it anonymously. Aw, you should have seen how happy everyone was at hearing we'd finally be able to get that wing built... but anyway, there was only half a million in that envelope I tossed down there." "Why, gentlemen," says the lawyer, "I'm very disappointed in you, and you certainly ought to be ashamed of yourselves. My envelope, when I threw it in exactly as instructed, contained my personal check for the full amount!"

@JTA1961 4 года назад

Judge not, may ye be judged yourself.

@jensjensen9035 4 года назад

Kim Polson thats fake no old Mississippi woman would Care if someone is bigoted

@ThatSoddingGamer 4 года назад

@Riprake - That's funny enough, but the way I saw it, the man only requested that they throw the _envelope_ into the grave, before the coffin was lowered. I would argue that the contents are not required to be present, based on the wording of the verbal agreement. I'd take the contents and if necessary, argue it as being 'for services rendered'.

@geekfreak2000 4 года назад

Clicked and was not expecting an essay lol, funny though

@thenamelessdragon 4 года назад

here’s one i came up with. A lawyer is on trial and has been called up to the stands as a witness. He is giving his testimony. “And then he attacked me! Honestly, I feel-“ The prosecutor cuts in. “Objection! The witness is lying.” “Sustained.”

@getoffmylawn5643 3 года назад

Two lawyers meet in the elevator at the firm on Monday morning. One lawyer says to the other: "I got a dog for my kids this weekend." The other lawyer nods with admiration and replies: "Good trade."

@OriginalGymBo 5 лет назад

I live in Wisconsin and a lawyer once told me this joke: "How can you tell when it's too cold outside?" "When the lawyers are walking around with their hands in their own pockets."

@keremgulbin9142 4 года назад

I don't get it.

@casda5226 4 года назад

Now you do

@NateROCKS112 4 года назад

@@keremgulbin9142 pay me 5 grand and I'll tell you the joke

@lescobrandon8443 4 года назад

I heard this on but with politicians instead. Lol.

@boz927 4 года назад

As a fellow Wisconsinite I understand this joke entirely

@dovahprime2820 5 лет назад

A man dies and goes to heaven. Once there he meets God who is looking at a wall of clocks with names beneath them. "What are these Lord?" The Man asks. "These are lying clocks, every time the person whose name is on the clock tells a lie, the second hand moves." the man looked over the wall, then noticed there were several places empty. "Lord, why are there empty slots on the wall?" He asked. "We use the lawyers as fans here." God replied.

@tudorciubotaru3497 5 лет назад

@sweetblackblood1 because the lawyer lies all the time his clock spins so fast it becomes an actual fan? Come on, bro, it's not that hard

@BichaelStevens 4 года назад

@Lil RINGER Just like boomers and obsession with "I hate my wife" jokes

@aformofmatter8913 4 года назад

@Lil RINGER God & Heaven make very good plot devises in a joke, because it allows you to make jokes that wouldn't otherwise work. Some uses include, but are not limited to: allowing for discussion after death; facilitating the discussion of morality; an easy justification for reviewing someone's life as a whole; having an omniscient character (God); having an omnipotent character (also God); having an omnipresent character (also also God, but this one's rarer); the presence of the devil, which allows for soul-selling & the such like; prayer as a form of finicky communication between a person & God; and, of course, kooky afterlife mix-ups. I'm an Atheist myself, but I still like making jokes involving religion as a plot device because it's just so versatile! Try re-writing those religious jokes without involving religion; you may be able to do it with some, but they'll turn out much more confusing & require considerable explanation to set up. Religion is a cultural touchstone that allows anyone familiar with it to instantly just GET what you're talking about without having to go too in-depth with it. Imagine I have a joke that starts with "Homer Simpson, Albert Einstein, & Elon Musk walk into a bar..." Most people are familiar with those characters enough to understand their basic properties, so I don't have to explain that Einstein is smarter than Homer or that Elon owns SpaceX. In comedy, shorthand is the name of the game, and, like it or not, religion, specifically Judeo-Christian belief, saturates culture, specifically American culture.

@timothyjames6412 3 года назад

The problem with jokes which rely on lawyers being liars is that they are not based on observation. Lawyers are good at getting the result they want without lying. A lawyer who lies is a very unskilful lawyer. Well-observed lawyer jokes (like well-observed doctor jokes) get laughs from the way their subjects actually behave. When a witness in a high-profile trial in the UK spoke of "being economical with the truth", every lawyer knew exactly what he meant.

@fixerupperer 3 года назад

Its poorly written but i get the concept

@craigparse1439 3 года назад

Q: "What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?" A: "They get taller."

@eda.mame_ 2 года назад

This made me laugh out loud in the train

@Amadeus8484 4 года назад

God: "I am going to sue your ass!" Satan: (Laughing) "Where are you going to find a lawyer?"

@jorenvanderark3567 3 года назад

God: turns up with Atticus Finch.

@raymonddavis1370 3 года назад

@@jorenvanderark3567 So you haven't read her second book?

@jorenvanderark3567 3 года назад

@@raymonddavis1370 No, I didn't even know that there was a second one published in 2015 till googled to find out what you where talking about.

@cynthiadagama9303 4 года назад

lawyers be like: ''DO YOU SWEAR TO PAY THE BILL, THE WHOLE BILL AND NOTHING BUT THE BILL?''

@chaitanyar6609 4 года назад

"Nothing but the bill" cannot possibly be true

@odile8701 3 года назад

Chaitanya R “and everything else not already included in said bill?”

@ginnyjollykidd 3 года назад

If the third is absolutely true, then yes, the part that is my part.

@drops2cents260 3 года назад

> AND NOTHING BUT THE BILL?' I just can't imagine any lawyer to settle for just that. :-))) (I just had to make that joke for the lulz, but on the other hand: our lawyer used to be a neighbour of us and was the go-to lad for my parents whenever they needed legal advice, and his daughter who took over his law firm after he sadly died of cardiac arrest is now my go-to lawyer whenever I need one, because she truly fills her dad's shoes.)

@lilymarinovic1644 Год назад

Plus GST (for the Aussies)

@ZachValkyrie 5 лет назад

In Swedish, the words for "Lawyer" and Avocado" sound very similar. They also use the same word for "Cook" and "Prepare." So the joke goes like this: How do you prepare a lawyer (for a case)? Cut it open and take the stone out of its heart.

@annalisasteinnes 5 лет назад

Good play on words!

@martinaseidel3316 5 лет назад

they used this pun in daredevil because in spanish it's the same, advocado and avocado and so they said, avocado at law :D

@howardbaxter2514 5 лет назад

martina seidel “Advocados from Mexico!”

@podemosurss8316 5 лет назад

@@martinaseidel3316 Yes, but in Spanish the word for advocado is "aguacate", and the word for Lawyer is "abogado", so not really.

@corvidsRcool 5 лет назад

@@podemosurss8316 To be fair, the characters were drunk when they made this connection that became a running joke in their friendship.

@AWV 4 года назад

Q: What do you call 10,000 Lawyers stacked up at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start...

@CallmeStue 4 года назад

Lol

@mittfh 4 года назад

The same joke is told of politicians. There's a variant with a different punchline: A: Not enough politicians...

@adriennegormley9358 3 года назад

Figured this had to be here somewhere.

@geraldfrost4710 3 года назад

What's the problem if a hundred lawyers are up to their necks in concrete? Not enough concrete. (works for politicians just as well.)

@davebaka2595 3 года назад

Why is it Important to keep lawyers busy? So they don’t become politicians

@DragoSonicMile 3 года назад

"If I was two-faced, do you really think I'd be showing around this one?" ~Abraham Lincoln

@JoelGrant-yo8b 22 дня назад

He said wearing not showing.

@tudorciubotaru3497 5 лет назад

Ok, I got one too, hope it was not told before in the comments section: "An old man was passing through a graveyard. He suddenly stops at a tombestone on which it was written: The old man, absolutely horrified, quickly starts shouting: "

@Pacvalham 4 года назад

I think I get how a lawyer "couldn't" be the other two, but how could a man with a good soul not be a man with a heart of gold?

@DionysusFTW 4 года назад

Pacvalham there are 3 characteristics: lawyer, good soul and gold heart, separated by commas. You know the first is not compatible with the others, so they are different people. It goes naturally to assume they is an enumeration of people

@shardtheduraludon 3 года назад

This post was brought to you by the Khura’in gang.

@LocalMaple 3 года назад

@@Pacvalham And that’s why the Oxford Comma is important. A lawyer, a good soul, and a good heart. One or three. A lawyer, a good soul and good heart. One or two. The twins, Abby and Daniel, are coming. Two. The twins, Abby, and Daniel, are coming. Two or four. I’d like to thank my parents, god, and Rosa Parks. Four. I’d like to thank my parents, god and Rosa Parks. Two.

@Pacvalham 3 года назад

@@LocalMaple Seeing this thread after a while of not seeing, the grammatical logic clicked.

@gabiluch87 5 лет назад

Omg Dr Mike and LegalEagle collab needs to happen!

@piros100 5 лет назад

AB-SO-LUTELY!!!!

@holysecret2 5 лет назад

Dr. Mike is better, he doesn't bring stupid politics into his videos

@x86th3jesus9 5 лет назад

Both out of Central casting.

@naidhruvananthiyer5723 5 лет назад

Yumidori Iro, he’s a lawyer(politics are gonna end up being discussed)

@bigchooch4434 5 лет назад

@@holysecret2 it kinda comes with the job, but in his defense, his videos that aren't specifically about politics are pretty unbiased

@willhaddock1347 4 года назад

I was a police officer for several years and one of my very first arrests was for a guy who we caught with a couple of rocks of crack on him, so I was intending to charge him with simple possession. When I was telling him what he was being charged with, he made the spontaneous utterance.... "man, I don't use it, I just sell it". In court when I gave my testimony, his attorney turned and looked at him like he was an idiot.

@Wertercat Год назад

And he was.

@MythicSuns Год назад

"What do you call a bus full of lawyers speeding off a cliff with 2 empty seats? A waste of two empty seats." -Joel Zimmerman during a coffee run with his lawyer.

@SporeMystify 4 года назад

A rich old miser was on his deathbed. He calls over his priest, his doctor, and his lawyer. "I have worked hard my entire life for my fortune, and I want yo take it with me. I have 9 million dollars. I am going to give each if you 3 million, and I want you to throw it in my grave during the funeral". The 3 men agreed to do so, and before long, the miser pased, and the day of his funeral rolled around. Each man threw a briefcase into the grave, then watched as it was filled in. As the last shovel of dirst was tapped into place, the priest spoke up. "I have a confession to make. I looked at the money he gave me, and all I could think about ehat how much good it could do, and what a waste this was. So, I kept 1 million dollars and donated it to charity." The doctor spoke next. "I too must confess. I also looked at that money, and thought about how badly thr hospital needed a new wing, so I donated 2 million to the hospital." Thr lawyer turned to them. "Men! I am shocked at your blatant disregard for this man's last wishes! I threw in a personal check for the full amount."

@leo-hao 4 года назад

you copied this from another comment

@SporeMystify 4 года назад

@@leo-hao this had been my favorite joke for literal decades

@leo-hao 4 года назад

there's an identical joke posted 4 months ago

@SporeMystify 4 года назад

@@leo-hao its not like i read all 2000+ comments. Its an old joke, Im not the least bit surprised someone else heard it and posted it here, but that doesn't mean I stole it from their comment.

@josephschultz3301 4 года назад

LegalEagle: "So suck it, New Jersey." New Jersey: "...It's okay, we get that a lot."

@bs4e 4 года назад

Hahaha

@olli_k 4 года назад

Did you hear about the hurricane that tore through New Jersey? It caused $25 million in improvements.

@MrCh0o 4 года назад

@@olli_k It sure *sucked*

@johnladuke6475 3 года назад

Don't the license plates actually say NEW JERSEY-GARDEN STATE-SUCK IT there?

@roryjineffect 3 года назад

My Pennsylvanian heart sang at that comment

@judithharley9236 2 года назад

Every defense attorney I've worked with has told me they tell their clients to “shut the hell up”. They tell their clients to speak to no one about the case unless they are present and give them the go-ahead. Good advice, I believe.

@kristobozhinov_ 2 года назад

Man, I come from a family of lawyers and I'm gonna study law and political sciences. This jokes hit close to home.

@Gruegirl 5 лет назад

So an engineer dies and goes to heaven but the secretary there says "I'm sorry we have too many engineers, but I can send you to hell first-class." The engineer shrugs and accepts. Two months later, god looks down at hell and they have air conditioning and wifi. Hell's actually a nice place to live. He calls Satan to his office and demands "What the You is going on down there?" "Oh it's that engineer, he's great." Satan says, "He's really fixed up the joint." "I want him back." God demands. "What do you mean?" Satan asks. "I want him back." Satan, ever clever says "What're ya gonna do if I don't give him back." God is stumped for a moment and then says "I'll sue!" Satan just laughed and laughed before finally saying "Yeah right, where are *YOU* gonna get a lawyer."

@NimanWielder01 5 лет назад

God then smirked. "Where do you think all the *good* lawyers went?"

@ThW5 5 лет назад

"Valhall, Odin's Valkyries pick the better half of the FALLEN. Howcome?"the daring devil replied...

@ianoxenham4219 5 лет назад

@@NimanWielder01 People forget there are such things as public interest lawyers who aren't in it for the money.

@matthewsnodgrass5142 5 лет назад

As an engineer I really appreciate this.

@quincyking010 5 лет назад

Satan then replied " ya the lawyers you have are 'good' but mine are the best"

@rebeccamichelturner 5 лет назад

You and Dr. Mike talking about Law and Medicine would be such an interesting video

@CommanderNissan 4 года назад

Rebecca Turner That should be a TV show.

@kenziemooty811 4 года назад

Yessss I support !!

@AndTecks 4 года назад

Too much handsome for one video

@NormaTu545 4 года назад

This is the collab I didn't know I needed. YES, PLEASE. GO MAKE FRIENDS NOW LEGAL EAGLE.

@gorillaau 4 года назад

@MiIesTailsPrower Or one can try the other one's patients.

@onilovni1234 3 года назад

I'm a lawyer in Canada and people sometimes have a bad reaction when I tell them what I do for a living, and then they are like «oh it's okay then» when I tell them I'm a Prosecutor. I really love my profession and I believe that most lawyer are doing a good job despite the terrible reputation we have. Our job is simply not judged fairly by the rest of the world, pun intended!

@lucasschoubye8432 4 года назад

Genie: i will grant you 3 wishes, but all lawyers get double of everything you wish for. Me: i'm fine with that, i wish for a million dollars Poof, every lawyer just earned 2 million dollars Me: i also wouldn't mind a ferrarai Poof, again every lawyer now owns 2 expensive sportcars Me: for my last wish i really want to donate one of my kidneys...

@SnivillusLupin 4 года назад

😮 I was not expecting that.

@Tjalve70 4 года назад

In the joke I heard, he wanted to be beaten half to death. But I guess it amounts to the same thing.

@NoriMori1992 4 года назад

I've heard this joke, but it was about a guy and his ex-wife (or some other mortal enemy), and he asked to be beaten half to death.

@julietardos5044 3 года назад

I wish I were blind in one eye.

@Crannigy 5 лет назад

Why don’t sharks eat lawyers? Professional courtesy.

@podemosurss8316 5 лет назад

Well, if a Shark tried to eat a lawyer, he would end up being sued and having to pay to the lawyer...

@journeymanX 5 лет назад

sharks are smart nowadays they'll wait for the lawyer to turn his back that way there wont be time to issue a subpoena sharks eat their own

@JimFinley11 5 лет назад

Professional courtesy.

@nonh1 5 лет назад

Objection: I have a better one: A surgeon, an engineer and a lawyer were arguing about which profession was the oldest, and the doctor said, "Well, on the fifth day of Creation, God took a rib from Adam, so surgery is the oldest profession." The engineer said, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos, so engineering is the oldest profession." And the lawyer said, "Yes, but who created the chaos?"

@sirdeadlock 5 лет назад

Who created the chaos? The three of them fighting over who would pay the prostitute.

@nurlindafsihotang49 5 лет назад

Or get rid of the body....

@cesargodoy2920 5 лет назад

Rabba (sorry if I spelled that wrong)according to Jewish mythology

@Karak-_- Год назад

I know this one with programmer instead od lawyer. Yes, we create chaos, but organised chaos.

@markslater8529 3 года назад

A man says to a lawyer, "Can I ask you 2 questions?" "Yes", he says. "What is your second question?"

@Karak-_- Год назад

I know this one a bit different: A man asks a lawyer: "How much do you charge for advice?" "A ten thousand for three questions. Isn't that too much?" "Yes it is, and what's your third question?"

@mr88cet 3 года назад

Several eons ago in my dating days, I (briefly) dated a symphony violist. She knew all of the Lawyer jokes I knew, but she knew them as orchestral conductor jokes!

@Karak-_- Год назад

Who were you dating back then, Cthulhu's mom?

@faranior 5 лет назад

A classic I kind of expected to be in this video: Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?" Witness: "No." Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?" Witness: "No." Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?" Witness: "No." Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?" Witness: "No." Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?" Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar." Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?" Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

@Vera-kh8zj 5 лет назад

oldie but goody. Still laughed.

@ntpgmr 4 года назад

I mean, technically he could be, although more in an abstract way then practical (body could be kept alive without the brain)

@Skaypegote 4 года назад

As far as I'm aware, this isn't a joke. This is an actual transcript from a real legal case.

@kungfuskull 4 года назад

@@Skaypegote ive heard so too

@classicalhero7 4 года назад

Glad this joke was mentioned.

@guttersnipepie8923 5 лет назад

Can you do an analysis on the legal case in the Pixar film 'The Incredibles'? Could a super-hero be sued for stopping someone's suicide? Or for causing collateral damage, as well as the other cases we see in the newspaper clippings?

@CanalTremocos 5 лет назад

I'd love to know about how the US uses Good Samaritan laws.

@warden-3699 5 лет назад

Film Theory already did an episode on that.

@misterghoul9457 5 лет назад

@@warden-3699 film theory arent lawyers

@ntpgmr 4 года назад

Modern day they would be protected. Back then, they wouldn't be.

@mityakiselev 4 года назад

Actually, I believe the Incredibles takes place like a couple of years before the Good Samaritan law passed. Back then, you could get sued for trauma you caused by saving somebody's life. Yes, of course it's total bs, but thankfully it's not like that anymore in most countries. People are massive assholes a lot of the time, wouldn't put such a move past them

@XFeuerFestX 3 года назад

It's a real shame that a small handful of lawyers get such a bad rep because of the rest of them

@Rebecca-vd4ww 3 года назад

I always liked what Niles said on Frasier one time - “Lawyers make wonderful patients. They have excellent health insurance and they never get better” Edit for clarity: he’s a psychiatrist

@ghostshadow9046 5 лет назад

in Alaska it was 50 below zero and they had a joke. it is so cold that I saw a lawyer / politician with his hands in his own pockets.

@labmanatlarge 5 лет назад

It was probably in Fairbanks

@TheRealGuywithoutaMustache 5 лет назад

*Lying lawyer laughs like Lucifer* Too many L's when this video is a W.

@kstreet1162 5 лет назад

Just Some Guy without a Mustache yoo I see you on strongman videos

@hh-tp5cn 5 лет назад

Wying wawyer waughs wike wucifer.

@jerrybryson8679 3 года назад

One lawyer in a small town will starve, but two can make a pretty good living

@youcantsingdumass 3 года назад

What's the difference between a lawyer and God? God doesn't walk around thinking he's a lawyer.

@madimoore2833 5 лет назад

As a legal assistant and someone who generally loves lawyer jokes, you MUST make this a series. I can't stop laughing!!!

@rjmacready505 5 лет назад

People have mentioned wanting a collaboration with Dr. Mike. They could trade barbs every couple of weeks.

@ginnyjollykidd 4 года назад

"It wouldn't be unusual for Satan to apparate in front of us; that happens every day." Best lawyer joke of all!

@julesfoster3289 3 года назад

A lawyer sends his son to law school, and when the son graduates he takes on a famous case that has been dragged on for years. After winning the case, he goes to his father and brags that he’d won the case that was so hard. His father asks which case, and when the son replies, the father laughs. “That’s the case that put you through law school in the first place!”

@andrewmichael1354 4 года назад

If Dr. Mike wants to do a video with you, that would be great. But, you need to find an engineer to join you. That would be classic. A Doctor, an Engineer and a Lawyer... is much like, A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi...

@josepherhardt164 3 года назад

A priest, a cowboy and a hooker walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of a joke?"

@mada1082 4 года назад

3:52 - That facility has switched back to rats after discovering Lawyer's are nothing like human beings. Missed the second part of the joke.

@randysalber4960 4 года назад

The most underrated reply of the lot, thinks I

@JamesThatcher 5 лет назад

OBJECTION!: Counsel engaged in humor!

@James.Stark.Ben.Edition 5 лет назад

@Circumcision is Jewish Genital Mutilation your username is tradition tho

@Douglas1102 4 года назад

Why don't people tell lawyer jokes anymore? Because lawyers don't think they're funny and people don't think they're jokes.

@teamcybr8375 4 года назад

I always hear the "pissing in cokes" joke about an Army Ranger and two Navy Seals.

@brettevill9055 3 года назад

I think the original was Billie Connolly routine about Rangers fans and Celtics fans at a football game in Glasgow. But it wasn't spit in the shoes.

@josepherhardt164 3 года назад

This goes back to AT LEAST the 1940's. My dad told the me the joke--it involved two German officers and their assigned NCO. Every morning one of the officers would take a dump in one of the NCO's boots. After a while, with the NCO not raising a fuss, the officers decide to be nice to him. One says, "You've been such a good sport about this, we're going to stop sh*tting in your boots." The NCO says, "That is so kind of you, sir. And just to show there are no hard feelings, I shall in turn cease p*ssing in your coffees." AND, that joke probably pre-dates 1900, if you really want to do some research. :)

@benjaminwulf914 2 года назад

I've heard it with Brits and Irishmen.

@carriecheaung8641 5 лет назад

some one told me i should screw for money and i said i can but i would have to pass the bar exam first

@crusadax3405 5 лет назад

Took me until 7:36 to realize he's not reading the jokes from a clipboard. I'm feeling old right now.

@InvisiblerApple 5 лет назад

It's an iClip ;)

@metastabillity8991 4 года назад

"It's not too crazy for Satan to appear right in front of us that happens anyway" me: "he takes many forms and we refer to him as "Your Honor""

@FoodNerds 3 года назад

Good one!

@jonathandemy-geroe4991 4 года назад

A CEO was watching a board room presentation being given by an accountant. After the presentation was over, he asked the accountant a question: "What is 1+1?" He asked. The accountant looked rather confused. "Its 2." He said. And after the remaining questions he left. After the accountant's presentation, a lawyer was brought in to give another presentation to the board. After the discussion was over, the CEO asked the lawyer the same question: "What is 1+1?" The lawyer scanned the room, went to the door, looked left and right before closing the door. Leaning close to the CEO he asked: "What do you want it to be?"

@sottosopravoce 4 года назад

Now, I'd expect the lawyer in the first joke to recognize that you can't sign somebody else's soul over to the devil unless that person signs a release.

@marccolten9801 5 лет назад

You forgot "What's the difference between a lawyer and a sperm. " "A sperm has a one in a million chance of becoming a human being. "

@FuckFascistYouTube 5 лет назад

Jimmy McGill said that

@batmang9014 5 лет назад

@@FuckFascistRU-vid Slippin jimmy

@aguywithrandomconvictions5302 4 года назад

"It wouldn't be unusual to apparate in front of us, that happens everday." Damn, that got me good.

@opertinicy 3 года назад

7:20 years ago in my college days, i got a misdemeanor charge for simple pot possession. i hired an attorney who basically told me "you're the boss, you're paying me so you don't have to worry about it." why a client would speak outside of their attorney's advice is baffling

@brandonhoward3805 5 лет назад

False, lawyers do not laugh. This man is clearly a paid actor.

@vicvector7878 5 лет назад

Clearly, it is the pink tie and assistant pooch that makes this legit.

@bkdmode 5 лет назад

That was not in the form of an Objection; please re-phrase...

@brandonhoward3805 5 лет назад

@@bkdmode Objection, Lawyers do not laugh. This man is the guise of a lawyer rendering his points obsolete and his case irrelevant.

@VivaFrei 5 лет назад

What's black and brown, and looks good on a lawyer? A Rottweiler. I'm a lawyer. So I get to say it. And I love dogs.

@christopherlambert5264 5 лет назад

OMG it's the vlawger!!!!!!! I love your channel too.

@JonasDAtlas 5 лет назад

This is exactly what I was looking for.

@Dad3xyplusx2 5 лет назад

I originally heard the punchline as, "A Doberman." But yours works just as well! 😄

@thatskai3070 5 лет назад

I’m subbing

@CommanderNissan 4 года назад

A Rottweiler looks good on everyone.

@nancyomalley6286 3 года назад

#11 reminds me of the quickest Judge Judy case where one of the defendants puts his foot in his mouth to say that earphones where not in the purse that he and his buddy claimed they never stole! Judge Judy just laughed for 10 minutes straight!

@DistrarSubvoyikar 11 месяцев назад

My greatest fear of what could happen when i'm in a courtroom is that someone else will do the super cringey classic move of responding to the judge saying "Order!" with a fast food order. i cringe to the point of crumpling onto the floor at that when it happens in movies, and i worry that someday i'll be on a jury and forget a bunch of important info about the case because of cringing so hard at that happening

@etsilverman3937 4 года назад

"you should be at least 83 by now" gold. Pure, pure gold.

@MCHkid13 5 лет назад

Please please do a video with Dr Mike! You two would be so awesome together!

@lavimoon6883 5 лет назад

This is a must

@TuesdaysArt 5 лет назад

A video about ethics in medicine or medical laws would be very interesting!

@Vollification 5 лет назад

@@TuesdaysArt It really would! I would pay to see it.

@JayeCole 5 лет назад

Yes!!!!

@driaLOVES 5 лет назад

YES YES YES YES!!!!!

@DonaldHolben 4 года назад

A lawyer wakes up after surgery and asked the nurse why the blinds are closed,She answers well, the building across the street is on fire and we didn't want you to think your operation had failed :)

@yusufh7278 3 года назад

I am reminded of an old Judge Judy clip where a girl starts listing off the contents that was in her stolen bag and when she lists off one of the items the defendant interrupts to inform that there was no such item

@madabbafan 3 года назад

Ah yes 'dumb and dummber' as she called them

@EtzEchad 5 лет назад

Q: How do you keep a lawyer from drowning in your pool? A: Take your foot off his head.

@thatfield977 4 года назад

I had to scroll down a while to make sure this one hadn't been told yet, and it still may have been in the deep comments, but here goes. It's my favorite. So Frankenstein needs a brain and he sends Igor to the butcher to find one. Igor goes in and sees three cases. The first says, "Engineer brains: $3 / lb." The next says, "Physicist brains: $4 / lb." The last says, "Lawyer brains: $100 / oz." Igor asks the butcher, "why so much for lawyer brains?" The butcher looks him dead in the eye and says, "do you know how many lawyers you have to kill to get one ounce of brains?"