Reedsy's Pitch Wars #1 | Reedsy Live 

As an experiment, I just asked ChatGPT "Compared to successful science fiction novels, what do you think of this synopsis? 'Even after 300-years of colonization, Mars is still a tough place to live - unless you can afford to live in Dome One. However, when the wealthy need to visit out-of-dome, they hire bodyguards known as ‘bugs’ to protect them. Alpha Guard is the best bug on the Red Planet, and when he's hired to escort a VIP around Mars, his skills are tested to the absolute limit.' " And it provided the following feedback, which I think is rather incredible: The synopsis for your science fiction novel, "Even after 300-years of colonization, Mars is still a tough place to live - unless you can afford to live in Dome One. However, when the wealthy need to visit out-of-dome, they hire bodyguards known as ‘bugs’ to protect them. Alpha Guard is the best bug on the Red Planet, and when he's hired to escort a VIP around Mars, his skills are tested to the absolute limit," has several compelling elements but could benefit from refinement. Here's a detailed comparison to successful science fiction novels and some suggestions for improvement: KEY STRENGTHS Engaging Premise: - The setting of Mars 300 years post-colonization is intriguing and provides a solid foundation for world-building. - The social divide between those living in Dome One and the rest of Mars introduces a classic science fiction theme of class disparity and survival in harsh environments. - The concept of specialized bodyguards, or ‘bugs,’ suggests a world with unique challenges and technologies. Strong Protagonist: - Alpha Guard is positioned as a highly skilled bodyguard, indicating a protagonist who is likely to be resourceful and experienced, which is appealing for readers looking for a capable hero. Implied Tension and Action: - The idea that Alpha Guard's skills are “tested to the absolute limit” hints at a plot filled with action, danger, and potentially high stakes, which are crucial elements in gripping science fiction narratives. AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT Clarify the Conflict: - Successful science fiction novels typically have a clear central conflict or goal. While the synopsis mentions that Alpha Guard's skills are tested, it would be more compelling to specify the nature of the challenges he faces. Is there a specific threat or antagonist? Is there a larger plot involving political intrigue or a mystery to be solved? - For example: "Alpha Guard must navigate political conspiracies and fend off a rebellion that threatens the fragile peace between the domes." Deepen the World-Building: - The synopsis mentions Dome One and out-of-dome areas but could benefit from more detail to paint a vivid picture of Mars. What makes Dome One so desirable? What are the conditions like outside the dome? Are there environmental hazards, lawlessness, or other dangers? - Compare this to novels like The Expanse series, where the authors give readers a rich sense of the political and environmental landscape of their setting. Enhance Character Development: - Successful novels often give a glimpse of the protagonist’s personal stakes or motivations. Why does Alpha Guard take on this mission? Does he have a personal connection to the VIP or a vested interest in the outcome? - Adding a personal element can make the character more relatable and the story more engaging. Unique Selling Points: - What sets this story apart from other Mars colonization tales? Highlighting a unique aspect or twist can make the synopsis stand out. For instance, is there a novel technology, a new form of societal structure, or a surprising twist about life on Mars? Hook and Pacing: - The synopsis could benefit from a stronger hook. A question or an intriguing statement can pique interest. For example, “But when a deadly conspiracy threatens the survival of everyone on Mars, Alpha Guard must decide who he can trust in a world where alliances are fragile, and danger lurks in every shadow.” Example Revision: "Even after 300 years of colonization, Mars is still a hostile frontier - unless you can afford the luxuries of Dome One. Outside the protective domes, the Martian wilderness is a harsh and lawless place, and those who venture out hire elite bodyguards known as ‘bugs’ for protection. Alpha Guard, the most renowned bug on the planet, is hired for his most challenging mission yet: escorting a high-profile VIP across the treacherous Martian landscape. As Alpha navigates political conspiracies, and evades ruthless outlaws and deadly environmental hazards, he discovers that the VIP carries a secret that could alter the future of Mars. Faced with threats from all sides, Alpha must use every ounce of his skill to survive and uncover the truth before it's too late." COMPARISON TO SUCCESSFUL SCIENCE FICTION World-Building: - Like Dune or The Martian Chronicles, your setting of a colonized Mars provides a rich backdrop for exploration and adventure. Character: - Alpha Guard, as a competent and skilled protagonist, is reminiscent of strong characters like James Holden from The Expanse series, who face complex challenges and personal stakes. Plot Tension: - The suggested revisions aim to match the tension and excitement found in series like The Expanse or Altered Carbon, where protagonists are thrust into situations requiring quick thinking and adaptability in the face of danger. In summary, your synopsis has a solid foundation with an intriguing setting and a potentially strong protagonist. By clarifying the central conflict, enhancing the world-building, and adding unique selling points, your story can resonate more deeply with readers and stand out in the science fiction genre.

Not really. A lot of the selections were poor. There were only 2 out of the 12 I would have been interested in as a reader. Reedsy can be very hit and miss in quality, and I just don't align with their taste as a reader. However, once something is public people have the capacity to critique it, and I'm sure the editors know that/accept that. You also have to remember when someone says they are an editor there is a different standard they are held to than just any reader out there. The real question is: is it constructive criticism? Nevertheless, the overall point of these things we read and consume should aim to keep critical thinking alive. Therefore, I think it is fair for people to question why these were picked, and question the mainstream market of the literary world. Is it effective discussion and discourse? Maybe not.

To be fair, I submitted too. Mine didn't get picked which is whatever. But I wasn't too impressed with the ones they did pick especially some of the cliche ones. I think Reedsy's taste is just more mainstream/page turner even though they post articles about literary fiction and whole bunch of other genres. They tried to excuse it as having a bunch of submissions. If you have a bunch of submissions, and that's what sticks out I don't know what to tell you. As an aspiring editor, editors do curate by taste whether they admit it or not. For example, I prefer literary and dark fiction. It has to be high art and not just relatable to grab me. But that's not everyone else's taste. This is why there are a multitude of journals and publications out there.

And to add to that. Like most other publications you might have a good story and decent writing, but it just might not be the right fit for that publication based on the content they offer and the audience they want to reach.

Who is Monroe? Why should the reader care about them? Who is the young shaman? Why should we care? Who is the evil incarnate? Again, why should we care? Mankind being at risk is VERY general. The pitch should be centered around how the curse affects the protagonist AND relates to the evil incarnate (if at all). This just reads like random action beats. No connection in between.

100% agreed... I'm not even half an hour in and am not impressed. Like you said, if they'd presented this as a learning/teaching tool, like a regular pitch _critique,_ I wouldn't even be commenting... but the supposed point was to choose the _best_ pitches. And I'm QUITE sure there were better pitches submitted than the ones they chose to highlight.

Thank you for your feedback. All the pitches (1500+ of them) were indeed read by our human judges. There is naturally an element of subjectivity in picking "winning" ones to comment on, so we encourage those who haven't been selected and would like some feedback (or want to show off), to post their pitches in the comments :)

Agee completely with Gary. Not saying this because my pitch was not selected (it was flawed in some ways as i understood from listening to what the judges were looking for). But it does seem the pitches that were selected were the ones that can lead to 'good discussion' from the panel's parameters of judgment. I was really surprised at the not-so-great quality of the 'selected pitches'. Surely, there were better ones among the submitted 1500 ones? This entire fiasco came across as more of a marketing tool for Reedsy than anything else. Quite disappointing.

@@Reedsy Hi Martin, It may be a better idea to hold a 'blurb' competition than such a 'pitch' war in future. I think it will be more useful for the writers who follow your channel, but not sure how much it will be inline with the marketing efforts for Reedsy. 😃

Agree with all of these comments. I'd also add in future pitch/blurb wars, it might be interesting to have an AI judge alongside the human judges. I know this'll be controversial but it would at least bring in some sort of independent adjudication...