Relationship Update - Navigating Mental Health Challenges as Partners, Not Parents

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Hello, Brains and Hearts! It can be tough to not fall into therapizing or even parenting each other when both partners have mental health challenges, so we wanted to share a bit of our experience navigating mental health challenges as partners... not parents!
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Опубликовано:

28 сен 2024

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Комментарии : 436

@HowtoADHD 7 месяцев назад

Thanks to Paired for sponsoring this video. ❤ Get 25% off on Paired premium! Start your 7-day free trial by clicking the link here: www.paired.com/howtoadhd25

@DaleESkywalker 7 месяцев назад

Hello, Brains!

@leovaldez9544 7 месяцев назад

I have been diagnosed recently and your contents helped me learn more about ADHD🙏 Thank you ❤

@werbnaright5012 7 месяцев назад

Her? Baby's a girl?

@DarkDragonSlayer 7 месяцев назад

Thanks for letting us see that you're actually pregnant, Jessica and that it's not a lie. Congrats again!

@DaleESkywalker 7 месяцев назад

Why would she lie?@@DarkDragonSlayer

@issy0613 7 месяцев назад

So satisfying when they do videos together. If they did a relationship podcast, I'd listen to every episode, literally obsessed with how they articulate so well.

@HowtoADHD 7 месяцев назад

awwwww thank you so much!! glad you enjoy how we talk about it all :D

@DrBoccamazzo 7 месяцев назад

I think we words good. Glad to hear you think we words good too!

@powerpuff4ever 7 месяцев назад

I would also listen to every episode of a podcast of these two! As an AuDHD person in a romantic relationship with an autistic man who’s autism presents in a totally different way from mine, this video and their last about navigating neurodivergent partnerships has been so helpful for me because nearly everything resonates. My partner and I are generally so compatible - we complement each others lives immediately - but there are points of friction that cause both of us anxiety and I feel like so many of them have gotten addressed on this channel

@Michael_H_Nielsen 4 месяца назад

yesss!!!!

@rebeccacharlton4597 3 месяца назад

Agreed! Love them both individually, and as a couple. Their growth and candidness inspires me and my own neurodiverse relationship.

@anne-helenedlr1763 7 месяцев назад

The best thing I've said to my partner is "sometimes, helping me means letting me do the thing alone and letting me fail at it"

@turntablez504 7 месяцев назад

Love the acknowledgement that helping isn't always the kindest thing to do. ❤ Unsolicited help can feel like being pressured to fix the problem faster than you're prepared to do. And then it ends up actually taking longer because you don't feel like you have permission to do it the way you can.

@AnnInghamlife-goals 7 месяцев назад

Drama triangle. A bad game. But with trauma of previous relationships its what lots of us do

@TheEDFLegacy 7 месяцев назад

When you put it that way, that can apply to friendships as well. Something I've been guilty of.

@stephaniebarrows5428 7 месяцев назад

It also can contribute to the “poor disabled person” feels less capable and maybe internalizes a belief that they are the problem, not the condition itself.

@chrisrioux 7 месяцев назад

Damn. Well said! Mind=blown.

@kikumon90 7 месяцев назад

This is the explanation I never knew I needed!

@sanpelletina 7 месяцев назад

26:48 I resonated with feeling worthless and defaulting to others advice due to my self perception and reinforcement. Thank you for being so candid.

@cathysmallwood 7 месяцев назад

21:05 “The house looks different when you live inside it” so true!!!❤

@Izzi-n5t 7 месяцев назад

This is a fantastic video guys. Really meant a lot to me to watch someone else in their forties and autistic talk about how hard it is to recognise any value you bring to a,relationship. Your openness helps so many people to see that are not alone in their struggles

@OrafuDa 7 месяцев назад

Thanks for talking about this! (Self-assessed AuDHD here + a few other things (- yeah, waiting times here are really long now: 6 years and rising! … and I am only 2 1/2 years in).) One request: could you please make a video about things that you think go well? We tend to focus on things that need improvement - which is good. But what about the things that go well? I think we need to recognize and acknowledge those. (You did a bit of that in this video, which is good.) For example, even though things are very imbalanced for my wife and me now, what I think goes well is that we can always come to each other to get some talking time, even if it is just a few minutes, and needs to be scheduled. And we always try to have some nice time for dinner. Which is an emotionally lovely space for us. - How does this work for you guys? From each side, and/or together?

@elainedavids4924 7 месяцев назад

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for doing another relationship video! I have ADHD. My husband was late diagnosed HFA in 2022. Watching the two of you is so encouraging to me. I loved when Rafael said, "I got back into therapy. Have a freshly minted diagnosis of complex ptsd." We are in another transitioning season of our relationship. There's so much work for us. We also have 3 homeschooled teens and one 19-year-old with their own diagnoses (a mix of adhd and hfa). Your videos give me space for a life that looks nothing like my friends' or extended family's lives. ❤❤❤

@GentlemanGamer94 7 месяцев назад

I love these conversations you've had about your ADHD/AuDHD relationship experiences! They've been charming, heartwarming, informative and entertaining :) As someone with diagnosed Autism presently looking into the possibility ADHD diagnosis with my psychologist, it's given me a lot of great things to think about: my own relationship patterns; ways to better communicate with my fiancé in our own brain/heart relationship; my own slower processing speed with new information - often, when others are giving me well-intentioned advice- and not judging myself for that, etcetera. Could go on, but sufficed to say; these conversations you two have been having have been helpful, and I'm already looking forward to rewatching this one in future. Thanks you so much for doing these relationship videos, you two (and the rest of you on the How to ADHD team who have helped put said videos together!); they're helping me a lot :)

@Clarinetboy82 7 месяцев назад

My wife and I both have ADHD (both diagnosed 30 years ago when so little was known). 20 years together and it is a struggle some times. There are times when we both just have to step back and give each other room to breath.

@Fostext 22 дня назад

Everything about this was so genuine and insightful. Thank you

@alisonbarlow7836 7 месяцев назад

I live in Washington State, that's so awesome you're a clinical psychologist in my state Raffael. And Jessica, thank you for your videos and your book. Congrats on being pregnant.

@kathykraut4491 7 месяцев назад

It's really useful to be honest with our own self in relationships. Understanding when our partners are in a situation of feeling frustrated and simply just need a hug instead of a solution is also something I've learnt to do in my relationships.

@nunikoh 5 месяцев назад

Jessica, I watched this with my partner (He may have AUDHD and I surely have ADHD) and it made so much difference!! We kinda have similar problems as you as a couple do, and it helped us so much! Thanks for existing and talking about ADHD and neurodiversity

@AoiMusou 7 месяцев назад

Thank you both for talking about this, it shed a lot of light on the struggles I’ve been facing as a partner with inattentive adhd, and I only wish I knew about these kind’ve things sooner. Like parenting our partner without knowing and the perspectives of how a house looks different on the inside for both people. It’s very assuring to hear your struggles and insights, and makes me feel heard and less alone as an iadhd person, thank you so much. I can’t wait to read your new book

@jarrettclayman8900 7 месяцев назад

Love your authenticity and vulnerability! Thank you for putting it out into the world! I have ADHD and had found myself creating/participating in a similar dynamic in relationships. I learned that it was a form of a co-dependency dynamic (Mark Groves from Create The Love and his podcast was my primary resource for understanding it without judgment and healing). Happy to say that I am now in a healthy relationship and am able to recognize when these unhelpful pieces show up, and manage them with understanding and compassion.

@anitamakes 7 месяцев назад

Thank you so much for making these videos together, it makes it SO much easier to understand and be there for my partner. We parallel you in many ways with him having PTSD and being AuDHD and me being ADHD and I find a lot of comfort to hear that the dynamic we experience isn't abnormal. I look forward to more videos like this, it's really hard to find videos specifically about both parties being ND. Sending you guys so so much love

@plumpcosplay8562 7 месяцев назад

I love the transparency.

@Cath-ix5ee 7 месяцев назад

Would be great to hear your insights leading your company but also being leader influencing the wider world through what you do. I think having effective ND leaders is important part of making world more ND friendly.

@Caatje-op3jy 7 месяцев назад

I appreciate your relationship videos soooo much. I recognize myself in a lot of things you are saying and I learn something new everytime. Thanks you so much for the videos it really means a lot to see two neurodivergent people talk about their relationship openly ❤

@MimiHerr-u3z 7 месяцев назад

can you do a video talking about Chloe soon? you kinda leaft us at a cliff hanger saing you were going to get her trained.. and leaft it at that. i want to know more, including what tasks shes trained for.

@HowtoADHD 7 месяцев назад

Ohhhh I'll definitely make a note of it!! Thanks so much for bringing it up :)

@MimiHerr-u3z 7 месяцев назад

@@HowtoADHD thank you!!! I am looking into being a service, dog trainer, and have ADHD…I want to know as much as I can

@gwendolynnewton4500 7 месяцев назад

Honestly this re-watch was super helpful. Would love to see the next one too...if it exists.

@LordShockwave9 7 месяцев назад

I'm so loving this style of video between you two! ❤😂 it's beneficial and I'm learning a ton!

@kathyking9928 7 месяцев назад

I'm so glad you are talking about this! You are talking about my life! ❤

@ToHoldNothing 7 месяцев назад

I honestly don't know about my ex's backgrounds, but I feel like there was a dynamic with regards to both of us having trauma, but also that we were struggling with our individual mental health issues. One of my exes, to my knowledge, is still happily married with at least 1-2 kids, but I can't help but linger on others, which may reflect on my own issues with detachment from many relationships.

@mnickrowe 7 месяцев назад

If you ever feel up to doing this kinda of video again I would really enjoy a friendship version …maybe with Dani who also has ADHD and how this whole process looks similar yet different in a friendship context.

@mushirahabib442 7 месяцев назад

I've been waiting for this. Thank you. ❤

@thomaswright7841 7 месяцев назад

You guys are glowing 🫶🏼

@Centeris2 7 месяцев назад

hears discord notification and immediately looks at my discord, which is set to 'do not disturb' and not made that sound in months xD ahhh the distractability is real

@funnelqueen1986 7 месяцев назад

Thank You for everything!

@joelmckenna6150 7 месяцев назад

This category of over explanation is cathartic to watch. Assuming the vast differences in hormones that are elicited during THIS CONVERSATION have markers that create a dynamic which opens conversations more. I ❤ it but I feel 😢 watching it.

@joelmckenna6150 7 месяцев назад

I love trying to add something to this conversation, however I feel like I should comment. I feel these two are brave to make this conversation very public.

@joelmckenna6150 7 месяцев назад

We should 🚶‍♂️away

@DarkDragonSlayer 7 месяцев назад

About time we finally see Jessica pregnant. Congrats again Jessica!

@bdycount 7 месяцев назад

True story of family Christmas last year... My Wife to my Family: Who thought him to shut down and go silent for days and weeks on end, and not deal with his emotions without default anger outbursts??! My Mum: yea, my bad. Me: wtf! you cant talk about that sort of stuff..... can you? my emotional support human

@BlackCatsandPumpkins 5 месяцев назад

I can't do relationships. Period. I can't even do a relationship with me. (Not sure if to insert a laughing or crying emojii here). Great video with lots of good words from Dr B that kind if helped with my personal thinking.

@commissarmalevich8946 5 месяцев назад

The way the video started is exactly the way i would say and ask for clarification of things xD this man is me omg.

@bakeuplittlesuzy9518 7 месяцев назад

Oof, that bit about unsolicited advice hit close to home lol. I've had a chronic cough since 2016 and I STILL get people asking "have you tried essential oils?" My partner didn't do that, thank goodness, but there was time in the beginning of our relationship when I'd vent to him about my day or whatever, and he'd instantly jump into I'll Fix This mode. Once I figured out the vocabulary (this was 20 years ago) to explain why that made me so frustrated, he totally got it. I see my women friends get mad about the same issue, but I wonder now if the intensity of my reaction back then was related to my ADHD.

@tigerauna 7 месяцев назад

The clock behind Jess is stuck at 9:44:43, ahhhhhhh time is standing still! 😱

@pnut9995 7 месяцев назад

This is sooo much like my husband and me. He is diagnosed OCD.

@valikpetrov6804 6 месяцев назад

I would have watched you for hours!!! Waiting for more videos together in the future

@VermisTerrae 7 месяцев назад

This is just incredibly great

@mollyanasthasya3828 7 месяцев назад

What a lovely video! ❤

@karenpowers2225 7 месяцев назад

This was a lovely, helpful video! Much appreciated! So excited for you both on becoming parents! Even though you're a team together you have carved out the space to go back to being autonomous with a healthy love and respect for each other. That baby is so blessed to have you two in that spot! Parenting with your mental health tools is an excellent place to be! Congratulations on your new baby!!! ❤😊🎉

@Name-ui9oc 7 месяцев назад

thank you for sharing

@JenDixon 7 месяцев назад

Thank you. ❤

@MimiHerr-u3z 7 месяцев назад

you were asome as the webinar btw

@HowtoADHD 7 месяцев назад

Thank you so much!!! Glad you could make it! :)

@BobcatPoop 7 месяцев назад

Why am I only JUST realising I am solution-focused like WHOA?! I see now how people have always taken this as argumentative or me not letting things go, but now I understand it was purely just because I was trying to find a way to help. So lovely to see a couple model effective communication, btw. You're going to both rock this parenting thing. 🤗

@walad538 7 месяцев назад

Fascinating how a person with Autism can successfully be a Clinical Phyc . 😮

@DaleESkywalker 7 месяцев назад

Hi, Jess!

@HowtoADHD 7 месяцев назад

Hi!!!

@DaleESkywalker 7 месяцев назад

Hi, Dr. B.! (This will come naturally as a part of the original comment if I keep it in mind for at least ten seconds.) 😆

@clarapena1484 7 месяцев назад

❤❤ THANK YOU

@gbarnett9470 7 месяцев назад

I am so excited for your 29th day. Take your foot off accelerator and enjoy the bonding. Go to a quiet peaceful room and comfy chair so you can feel the flow of Oxytocin. Be patient and take it easy.

@AnnInghamlife-goals 7 месяцев назад

What about an app that is inclusive of relationships with more than two?

@anisa2273 7 месяцев назад

are you guys married? sorry if that seems personal.... i just thought I might have missed something, congrats on your upcoming baby! and I loved the ADDITUDE webinar today Jessica

@HowtoADHD 7 месяцев назад

Not yet! For student loan reasons mostly...

@anisa2273 7 месяцев назад

@@HowtoADHD oh that's ok, whenever you're ready! I'm happy you're doing great!

@Cannabian 7 месяцев назад

Funny enough I'm starting to date this girl who said she thinks she has autism, I have ADHD so time to hyper focus and watch your videos :p

@unmaskingu 7 месяцев назад

You are sooo cute together!

@virgiliustancu9293 4 месяца назад

Sometimes it's better to calm down and stop focusing permanently on these things. If you constantly think about your mental problems and your interactions with others, you become paranoid.

@charlyheather1822 7 месяцев назад

Boy, was this relatable and relevant! I love the two of you as a couple, especially when you work together as a team. ;) All the love to the two, forgive me, three of you!

@Hi-sx3uy 7 месяцев назад

Ok but is there a plan for or similar something to how to adhd but for audhd? Cuz I need both

@gloriawatson8258 7 месяцев назад

...the way you look at each other 😍🥹

@dragonabsurda 7 месяцев назад

Anyone else missing the "save to playlist" button on this video?

@SnowySpiritRuby 7 месяцев назад

It appears when I click on the 3 dots. Maybe I'm watching on a different type of device.

@elkanaharthur7713 4 месяца назад

Can he come and set up systems in my home to help me!? 😂

@bellaluce7088 7 месяцев назад

27:34 I burst into tears at *“Being able to say that just cuz I do things differently doesn’t mean that I’m worthless.”* 😭My internalized ableism runs so deep! It helps to hear the harm it does talked about so honestly. ❤ Eff the up/down hierarchy of helping without consent---you two make solving problems with autonomy & partnership look good!😄Thanks for this! 👏

@oddluck4216 7 месяцев назад

Wasn't honestly expecting to be hit so hard by hearing someone else describe the nature of his trauma reactions as internalizing... or the pain a loved one might experience seeing someone THEY love hurt themselves... Damn...

@steggopotamus 7 месяцев назад

I'm also the million solutions girl, I now ask, "what have you tried" and "what do you feel like is missing"? It helps me make better suggestions. And at each successive point it's "how did that go? Did you try something else? And what do you feel is missing still?"

@Lys_sei 7 месяцев назад

That's such a simple but brilliant question ("what have you tried?") ! I'll keep it in mind, thx =)

@jasmint3207 6 месяцев назад

Or even: Do you want advice or do you just want me to listen?

@jasmint3207 6 месяцев назад

My advice, talking about it together a collaborative way without me taking the lead, just listening/venting, cuddling, distraction...

@melissabryant7410 7 месяцев назад

Problem-solving and figuring out puzzles is such a strength that we feel the need to solve all the problems in all the people we care about.

@foxylovelace2679 7 месяцев назад

@jmaraboli1394 6 месяцев назад

Ugh. It’s horrible lol. We’re just very caring people. We care too much. It’s silly! Comes off nosy but it’s not. Lol

@Michael_H_Nielsen 4 месяца назад

so true. It is also a way to bring value to the conversation, because I have very little feelings to bring :)

@puppypoet 7 месяцев назад

Can you two stop being so cute? 😊 You guys are so adorable!

@HowtoADHD 7 месяцев назад

Neeeeveeeer! :P

@-i.cats- 7 месяцев назад

Let’s be real that are getting cuter by the day!! ❤️ can’t wait for you both to be parents💖💙

@dwayneheeter 7 месяцев назад

@@HowtoADHDnever stop listening, and communicating with each other. So heartwarming. I'm sure there are much tough moments, especially while being pregnant. It is inspiring to hear how you both worked through challenges❤

@DrBoccamazzo 7 месяцев назад

Can't stop! Won't stop!

@anabluu 7 месяцев назад

I loved this piece, so heartwarming but also raw and honest.

@Channelinterrupted 7 месяцев назад

Yea, when the kid is born, please remember ypur exhaution and new roles will kinda pull you back to old patterns of operation....your relationship will change....but if you guys are extra cognizant of all that, it will bring you two closer rather thwn apart. Just want to emphasize tbat so you two cab be prepared. Exhaustion is the devil 😂. You guys are so self aware, you guys got tbis!

@stargirl7646 7 месяцев назад

THIS!! It’s one reason why I know I’m not ready (if I ever will be but that’s another issue) to be a parent. I’m still learning how to just navigate a single bad day lol, much less months and years of a tiny human constantly needing you lol!

@ashleycampbell8621 7 месяцев назад

Yes, thank you for warning them! Babies are so exhausting and it’s difficult to communicate well and regulate your emotions when you’re severely sleep deprived!

@vlong7112 7 месяцев назад

I *just* listened to a webinar on over- and under-functioning in ADHD/neurodivergent relationships! 👀 And I think gender and how each gender is socialized plays into the dynamic too. We're obviously multifaceted creatures, but these experiences are so helpful to share. Thank you 🙏🏽😊

@HowtoADHD 7 месяцев назад

Oh that sounds interesting!! Where did you find this webinar?

@vlong7112 7 месяцев назад

I'm an LMFT so it was a CEU through PESI. But the speaker was Dr. Ari Tuckman. He mentioned the parent-child dynamic and how that impacts sexual relationships! Super helpful!

@vlong7112 7 месяцев назад

It's called "ADHD, Relationships, and Sex: Strategies to Overcome the Over/Under-Functioner Dynamic"

@mariabarnes9197 7 месяцев назад

@vlong7112 I wish they'd make that info more accessible to the general public, & to mental health coaches.

@HowtoADHD 7 месяцев назад

Ari is great, he donates a lot of his time to get this info out there publicly. Here's a video we did with him on ADHD, sex and relationships: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-m8QNRpN4nY8.html

@markmaurer6370 7 месяцев назад

My wife (T1 diabetic) and I (ADHD) met at 19, and we've been together 21 years now... My advice is to appreciate the ways in which you compliment each other, forgive the ways in which you rival each other, and everything else forget about. Of course, after twenty-one years, this baby's on auto pilot. But getting it there took a lot of work. Also, it helps now that money is not a struggle, which was only about 5 years ago.

@lillipi3594 10 дней назад

I am T1D since early childhood and now in my late 30s I learn, that I also most probably have ADHD - and I wonder if I have to find someone simularly "broken"? 😢

@CardinalTreehouse 7 месяцев назад

Something that BOTH of you bring to the table is that you are capable of growth and are willing to do it, despite the challenges.

@MachaMongRuad Месяц назад

This- the willingness to put in the effort to grow, and change your behavior/thought patterns for the better. My husband just left me because he's not willing to do the work on himself, or support me in the work i need to do on myself. 💔💔💔

@megaady36 7 месяцев назад

My wife has ADHD and I'm autistic - we have to be careful as it can be very easy for her, although well intentioned to infantilise me when trying to help.. We both have our own needs but do tend to stumble around when trying to help each other.

@animefangrl0902 7 месяцев назад

I love how raw and open this discussion is. It shows how we with ADHD work on relationships in a healthy way

@canuckkat 7 месяцев назад

I can't believe I'm first! Also, I love that Dr. B has brought specific communication into your relationship! It's something I keep trying to get other people to do (hidden requests are really hard for me cuz they're sooooo much mental gymnastics) but apparently being direct and clear is hard?

@forgesoulfire1320 7 месяцев назад

This very point has been my bane for like nineteen to twenty six years now, I swear.... it just reinforces how difficult we as humans find direct statements and specified wording to be.

@madalynnr9940 7 месяцев назад

Opposite perspective being direct can feel very uncomfortable to people who don't feel like they can take up space. Being direct often feels like you might come across as rude, demanding, and entitled. And it's incredibly difficult to overcome those feelings and to feel like you can take up that space and be direct especially since it would only be applicable to certain individual people on whether it would be considered helpful or rude so it's safer to choose not rude as opposed to helpful.

@canuckkat 7 месяцев назад

@@madalynnr9940 You can be direct without being rude. If you read my whole comment, you would see I specifically mentioned hidden requests, which is what a lot of NT (and neurospicy) do when they think they're being polite but they actually want you to do something specific by framing it as a vague comment instead of just asking or saying specifically what they think you should do. That is not helpful communication. Did you feel like Jessica was rude at the beginning of the video?

@mariabarnes9197 7 месяцев назад

Depends if you're from "ask" culture or "guess" culture. Askers can take no for an answer, & anticipate the answer to be 50-50 (50% answer might be yes, & 50% answer might be no). Guessers will only ask if they know the answer is yes. When requests are made of guessers by askers, they feel internal pressure to say yes, & are annoyed at the asker, whom they feel is putting them in an awkward position b/c they want / have to say no.

@HowtoADHD 7 месяцев назад

Yeah, actually, being with him has improved my communication a lot! I didn't realize how many "hidden requests" I was making because I thought what I was asking for was clear. I didn't realize how much I relied on nonverbal communication, context clues, and social expectations rather than me actually saying it out loud, and how being clearer could help not only our relationship, but any relationship.

@bobclarke2242 7 месяцев назад

CPTSD and ADHD keep life interesting. 🙂

@BlackCatsandPumpkins 5 месяцев назад

Might make your life interesting but it cripples mine 😖😖😖😖😖😭😭😭😭😭.

@karladolman9664 7 месяцев назад

Honestly, you both seem so much more relaxed a year on, both explaining your thoughts and feelings, but also with each other. If you keep going how you are you will make amazing parents and continue to be happy partners.

@ericahill9998 7 месяцев назад

This just made me realize how much more I appreciate my partner now. He is neurotypical, and I have ADHD. He is very understanding of me and is very patient and kind now that he is learning about ADHD. Thank you for your videos!

@lanternsown3525 7 месяцев назад

Y'all sound like a lovely couple I'm sure you'll both make wonderful parents.

@shaunrussell4558 7 месяцев назад

You guys are WONDERFUL!!! So much love, so much giggles from both of you!! 😂🥰🤓I just love your dynamic! Your growth is evident in this video, the ways in which you share openly and honestly the ways in which your relationship is helping each of you grow within yourselves, in order to know how to show up for each other in better and better ways! 😅🎉your little baby girl is going to be SOo lucky to have you two!! ❤🥰🌈💞🍀🍀🍀💫

@blumoon187 7 месяцев назад

I have ADHD and work in a person-centric field and my husband is definitely some flavor of neurospicy. I feel EXTRAORDINARILY called out by everything in this video. STOP BEING SO RELATABLE YOU TWO!

@laurelvisco476 7 месяцев назад

I love “neurospicy” so very much :)

@BlueDauntless 7 месяцев назад

@@laurelvisco476same!!!😂

@Cath-ix5ee 7 месяцев назад

Thanks for the heads up on this video in the ADDitude webinar. Loved that and loving the book. Looking forward to your thoughts insights re having children (we have 10 week-old baby, 4 year old and 8 year old) Would also love to hear more about bring an effective leader with ADHD/ND?

@HowtoADHD 7 месяцев назад

Welcome!! That's a great topic! I'll definitely make a note of it, thank you so much for the suggestion!!

@Cath-ix5ee 7 месяцев назад

I love that you actually mean that after seeing videos about using a parking lot. I've found it very helpful to have a list of things to research on my phone when bored and I have a sleepy baby on my lap. Also understand if you want a break too.

@HowtoADHD 7 месяцев назад

Thanks :) Yeah, I'll be taking maternity leave for a couple months, but my team will still be here posting videos, responding to comments, and capturing ideas for when I get back!

@SkunkWerks7 7 месяцев назад

I'm ADHD, my wife is Bipolar I. It's affirming seeing the two of you relate to one another. My wife and I have been together for over 20 years, and that concept of not-parenting was something we established early on. Her being disabled, and me being ostensibly the "functional" person already sets up a dynamic of dependence- and I wanted to make sure she has agency- especially in matters concerning her care. I'll help you if you stumble, carry you for a spell if you can't walk... but I can't drag you. My challenge, being a problem-solver is also sitting with my helplessness. Not always perfect at it, but we are wary of it in any case.

@yodizzle 7 месяцев назад

Thank you for this. I have a friend that really needs mental help, but this is a reminder that I can't fix things for her and keep suggesting help when it isn't something she asked of me.

@danielleegolf4290 7 месяцев назад

Yes, it's so hard not to enter helper mode! I struggle with this as a homeschool mom, I have to shut up and let my kids do stuff without jumping in to help. That silence in between asking what they know and hearing the answer is difficult!

@leovaldez9544 7 месяцев назад

Who is here after webinar👋

@HowtoADHD 7 месяцев назад

Omg that's so cool!! hi!! welcome :)

@leilap2495 7 месяцев назад

Yup!

@0verloADHD 7 месяцев назад

Me too. Loved the webinar. Very inspirational 😃

@leovaldez9544 7 месяцев назад

Heyy👋 @@HowtoADHD

@RikerManeuver 7 месяцев назад

Me too!

@wyatt_taco4 7 месяцев назад

Very interesting video in which it reminded me a lot of my partner(wife) and I. We have been together going on 13 years, had our ups and downs, however continue to learn about our own mental health as well as each other. Great video and thank you both for sharing!

@BaileyWhite 7 месяцев назад

Raffael, as an AuDHD man myself, it means the world to me to hear struggles I can relate to so strongly. I’d love to hear from you more, If you feel so inclined, or to hear more from our AuDHD community in general. Thank you.

@ShinbrigTV 7 месяцев назад

You can tell they CARE for each other deeply.

@tfkns_14 7 месяцев назад

As an auDHDer, when you include Dr. B my struggles feel extra seen and spoken to. There is no part of my ADHD needs which aren't punctuated by my Autistic needs (the Autistic of which for me personally present the bigger challenge) and vice versa, so having his perspective on this stuff really formulates a more complete acknowledgement and solution for me. I suppose the best way to put it is that watching you both is like watching and hearing both parts of me and not just the ADHD half! :)

@jojo-wy7yq 7 месяцев назад

I feel the taking over of emotional work is grinded into women all over the world. It is when the man is matured he will reduce it in a loving way and both will grow.

@tebohosefatsa8280 7 месяцев назад

ADHD is one COMPLICATED Beast...

@karlaps3994 7 месяцев назад

My favorite part of this video is when you guys both getting excited about feeling the baby girl kicking 😊 My baby just turned 6 months old, so I have recent experience with this special moment. Beautiful ❤

@jennieivins 7 месяцев назад

Thank you so much for sharing! It's amazing to see another neurodivergent relationship and how you are working through it. Also my husband has some hearing loss, and does that "What?" joke all the time. XD

@HowtoADHD 7 месяцев назад

Omg I love that! That's so great! Sounds like you both have a good sense of humour :)

@TheS4ndm4n 7 месяцев назад

A lot of what Raffael said resonated so much with me, that it pulled me out of hyperfocus (on something else entirely) and made me listen intently (which is no simple task). I am absolutely bringing some of that up in my therapy. It kinda brought up that gut-wrenching feeling of a therapy breakthrough. Thank you so much for being so honest about all of this.

@Hi_Im_Akward 7 месяцев назад

Relate to a lot of what he said. Also AuDHD with CPTSD, a significant portion from past relationships. And the whole not seeing yourself as equal but your partner as more so above you is so relatable. On the surface a lot of these things seem like no brainers, especially for people who see this from the outside. Buuuuut it's not and PTSD isn't something you can tackle wholly with rationality since it is inherently sourced from irrational events. It doesn't make sense and will never make sense. A big reason I fear being in a relationship is because I know that no matter how much I work on it on my own, I can never tackle it all because you basically need to practice and live through these re-triggering events in order to tackle the trauma. So any relationship I ever have again will be one big science experiment 😅

@veronicasvideodiaries 7 месяцев назад

Wow he does look a lot happier and a lot more comfortable (: I'm glad you two found each other

@gcozmc 7 месяцев назад

Yes! You can see it with his increased and more natural eye contact... cool!

@meganlampa3293 7 месяцев назад

Love this so much. Me and my husband have ADHD. He's in the process of diagnosis. This is so lovely and encouraging

@NightPortal 7 месяцев назад

You two are adorable and I love seeing the growth from last year's video! As an AuDHDer in a relationship with an ADHDer, it's so validating and impactful to hear you both-I relate in ways to both sides, and you have the words I'm missing to express what's going on in my brain. These are the videos I click on the fastest!

@TheSwedishCarGuy 7 месяцев назад

Finally a new video :D Currently not in a relationship but I will be soon :) And she know how I am and why :) and actually understands it!

@stephaniepate4107 7 месяцев назад

I have ADHD and I'm horrible at parenting my partner. It's even harder because he is so tremendously incapable of caring for himself right now with ptsd.