I was a good kid, perfect as they say. Never did anything wrong, tried ot be perfect Led to a break down later in life... We are not supposed to be perfect... I " broke down", and then rebuilt. My inner child had had enough. Worst experience of my life Best thing to ever happen to me
How old were you when it happened and how long did it take you to get through it? The pandemic triggered that kind of breakdown for me and I'm still trying to figure out how to rebuild, but at almost 40, I worry I'm running out of time.
@@bchristian85you’re not running out of time!!!! look up IFS (internal family systems therapy), EFT tapping, and emdr on youtube. those four tools will help you heal.
This was me. I was the curious, energetic kid. So much effort went into suppressing me. Even in my adulthood my Step Dad kept repeating that when he came along I was a terrible kid and that he fixed me! There’s a very good reason he’s not in my life anymore… Caring for my inner child was key in my healing. Thank you Angel 🙏 For communicating this all so clearly ✨
Thank you for sharing! I'm sorry you went through that, but so glad to hear you went back to care for your inner child. I'm sure he was so happy to see you come to rescue him. A very courageous act.
oh this is so painful to read! I just need to say that you were not a 'terrible kid' - it was his behavior that was terrible! how awful to label the squashing of a child's spirit as 'fixing' them!
there is no such thing as a bad child; though there may be adults who are unskilled at dealing with children's behaviors, and regulating their own emotions! behavior is only 'bad' by it being labelled as such, and thus is subjective! and no human is inherently 'bad'; at the core of all of us is goodness! so no child deserves to be beat! I'm so sorry this happened to you - so grievous to treat a beautiful child so violently! you definitely did not deserve ANY beating or any harm done to you!
Thank you. I remember having to be quiet almost all the time. I learned it so well that out in service (jw preaching) people would say "I didn't think anyone was in the back seat!" I was at an age where I normally would be rambunctious. I think the belief I held from that is that I don't deserve to be. Like I don't deserve to have a life. I'm not totally free yet, and have major problems with the patriarchy/hierarchy of the organization/"church". Quiet means safe to me and I wish I could change it. Someday maybe. My therapist gave me three different ways to start talking to my husband who is in the church about our current problem ("encouraging visit by two elders") and I'm hoping I can start talking tonight. They want to know why I stopped reporting field service time, and my husband does not know I stopped. Funny how they don't even follow the Bible's hierarchy, and want me to report to another man. F the patriarchy btw. I know it is bad as I had woke up with insomnia and that happens when I am anxious. I'll take a long walk today and think about speaking up. I worry that it will end in an argument as talks about our religion have for the last about 4 years. Ever since I started to talk about how I really feel, even a little tiny bit. On a positive note, I can't go back to "turning in time". I just won't. So what happens, happens. The worst? They deem me a spiritual danger and strongly encourage my husband to separate. It could happen. He trusts them more than me RN and that sucks like so bad. It hurt to type that but it is good to remind myself of what is truly going on. Thanks again and Gaia bless!
What ended up happening? Are you still PIMO? I was always outspoken as a child I was just low key shamed for it so I always felt like I was bad. I knew deep down I was not the sheep they told us to be like and so I always thought I would die in armagheddon as a child.
@@suras8984 Thanks Sura. Well, I told him I wanted to be inactive. That went well back in March. In May it was 6 months, so I'm inactive according to their rules. I just spoke up to him again about my fear of him leaving me because they have so much control over him. He denied the control and invalidated my feelings. I felt like crap for a day after. Still am hurt by it. Then I found out he secretly met with an elder that same day "for a talk", it was an official setting(lied during our talk). So, they are investigating me and he is lying about it. I gotta get my shit together and ready for the big D. :( It is good not to be so dependent on anyone anyway, but WT brainwashes us so hard to be totally dependent. Then when you know your spouse loves you think it is o.k., and that was me. He does love me, he just lies with dogs and fleas of invalidation, etc. come out. I am going to hit him hard now with proof that they lie, because I feel like I have nothing to lose. Also, looking at school and jobs even tho I have a chronic fatiguing disease and IDK how the hell I'll do it.
@@governingbodylanguage2025 oh just wondering how you are now? hope you keep listening to the truth inside of yourself, validating yourself, loving yourself, and taking care of yourself! I relate to the chronic fatigue - a long term impact of chronic stress...
I remember when I had an ah-ha moment not that long ago where I unpacked a negative that I believed and was told about myself as a kid. And I finally realized.....wait a minute, that's not true. That's not who I was. It was such a big moment and I don't think I'll ever forget it. I am still working on taking the new information I receive now and actually believing it. I find my default is to just kind of....feel numb to it. I still tell myself that I know they can't possibly be sincere if someone says something positive or encouraging about me.
I feel this! I used to literally hide if I saw someone in a room who would usually say nice things to me, it would make me feel like I'd get in trouble if anyone overheard them. Then I'd feel like I'd have to make excuses as to why I wasn't as good as they thought I was. For me it was all conditioning to make myself feel small so others wouldn't do it. But I'm glad you are starting to take in new information, I hope you know people are sincere in the nice things they say about you and it's important to believe the good things about yourself!
i just got out of a therapy session where i unearthed my “inner demonic part” and it was literally just the combined voice of abusive religious bullshit, bullies, and my abusive parents. profound realization to see how brainwashed my inner children were by the demon of religious abuse & religious trauma. the awful things that brainwashed adults in a bad environment made her believe. i watched this video right after the session and it just validates that realization even more. thank you so much for sharing your experience and story. it resonates so much.
I was a quiet and quite a good kid I barely did anything bad But sometime a Some topics religion Christianity can make me feel like I'm a bad Christian or I did something wrong
Yes, that's the effect of religious trauma. It's important when your brain has those thoughts to stop them and remind yourself that you are not doing life wrong, you were simply taught to distrust yourself.
Good video. I never understood how Christianity could make you feel guilty for simply just being "human". I get a little anxiety when I see people post scriptures of revelation. .Do you have any advice on how to deal with that? I try to block some of that content but I still get a little anxious.
Yes I have advice! My advice is to remind yourself that it holds no power over you. This is number one! The reason you feel anxious is beause it was something that was used against you and used to punish, but it's important to remind yourself that you are no longer in the situation and the bible verses/ people who post them have no power over you, not now, not ever again. I used to get all jumpy too, now I'm like alright, what's the illogical reasoning behind the verse today!
A little girl happy go lucky Wasn't perfect but got abused by her sibling and forced to stay silent about it had to keep quiet from the world about it her father was a former pastor and he traumatized her with religion broke down her spirits that light she had died and she's now trying to bring that light back up without needing approval from her father that broken little girl just wanted was to be a kid
i’m in the same boat but it’s my mother who broke me down with the religious bullshit. YOU CAN DO IT. i’m making great progress with a therapist who understands plus lots of healing work on my own.
Hello I just subscribed to your channel I found you after you did the video on Lloyd Evans and you made some great points. I’d love to have a chat with you and talk about children of god vs Jehovah witness which is what I was.
Just wanted to bring to awareness that most religion brings TRAMA, not just JW or Scientology. There may be minor differences between them but TRAMA is present across all religious groups and communities. I grew up in common Church communities. I was on ministry too. Left all 4 years ago. Very very toxic and traumatic. Only after leaving completely, it felt how toxic, manipulative and over powering a CHURCH can get. Please make a video about how to survive loneliness or feeling alone after quitting religion and it’s relationship
I just want to say that not everyone's experience of every religion is toxic! there are many world religions, experienced by billions of people in different ways. our experience of xty - just one world religion - was indeed pretty toxic, and that's what we can speak to - our own experience.
@@devidaughter7782we can speak to the toxic doctrines in the religion too. like the toxic doctrine of “original sin” and any religious text that says women are inferior or deserve less IN ANY WAY.
This is happening to my little step brother who is almost 12. He has undiagnosed adhd and they punish him for his symptoms. They won’t take him to professional care because they consider it “secular and wrong.” I’m 17 and I feel like I can’t do anything to help him. I’m just beginning to sort out my religious trauma. I’m not sure what to do.
how are you now? taking care of yourself is the best way that you will be in a position to help your brother, when and as you are able. you may not be able to change how other's treat him, but you can validate his experiences for him, so he doesn't internalize that he is 'bad'. this is painful to hear about, and I hear the agony of not feeling able to change your sibling's environment that is causing so much pain!
my mom literally demonised me for everything I did, like listening to music and watching disney shows lol for years I genuinely thought I was a horrible human for...liking music?
I cannot understand the way you rationalize how you could have repeated the cycle. I knew the abuse was wrong at an early age. I could never subject a vulnerable child to similar abuse because i know how it feels to be subjected to it. Why is that so hard for people to understand? Why do people keep saying the cycle repeats..? I just feel like it's people making excuses.
