Rent-a-sister: Coaxing Japan’s hikikomori men out of their bedrooms - BBC News 

Humans: build stressful depressing and hyper competitive societies of consumption Also humans: hmm why don’t people want to participate?

I can't believe that they are seriously labelling this as a "unknown" problem. It's obvious that these poor men are strugging with severe depression in a society that doesn't take mental health seriously 💔💔

You know you are one of them when you barely noticed any change in your life when Corona came.

I am a female japanese, I live in Japan, and I was a Hikikomori when I was about 28. I studied in England when I was a teenager away from my parents, I think I was very desciplined. I went through a lot of depressions and self denial which is still my issue. I think I'm still Hikikomori a little bit because I've always felt scared to go job hunting, I don't know what made me think that I'm a worthless person in this world. But I've finally realized that thinking in such negative way isn't doing any good to my life and even to society, so I've decided to at least make possitive thinkings, like when I wake up in the morning and go pray at the Shinto Shrine. Before, I did not know how to think possitive, but I do get a lot of help (not a rental sisiter though^_^) and possitive thinking of my future is actually working get out of depressions!!

We need a “Friendship” version of Tinder! It’s really hard to make friends in metropolitan cities 🤷🏻‍♂️

They act like this is happening only to Japan or Asian countries. This is basically a global phenomenon now tbh.

I'm an American hikikomori for about 10 years. It starts, probably with an inclination towards depression, but ultimately with a failure you can't let go of. Anytime you head back out in the world, all you can think is everyone knows your failure. It makes it easy to repeat that failure, and tell yourself no matter what it will always end in failure. It closes you off, and if you don't immediately spring back, it's so easy to fall in deeper than you imagined it could go. I can't even communicate with people directly over text anymore. Some people in the world want things this way. Unfortunately, i don't imagine my story is going to end as happily as some of these comments, but it does provide some comfort knowing people can get out of it. I don't want to die, but living is just way too much work.

These Rental sisters should given honourary degrees in psychology, and publish their memors into science papers as one of the strategies for the Japanese social policymakers to deal with the aggregate stressors that are allosterically causing Hikikimoris break downs.

To that blonde dude that was bullied because he chilled a lot with girls. the others were obviously just jealous.

That stuff also happens in europe. After my brother failed his university, he just stayed at parentshome and played videogames all day. Barley saw his few friends or left the house, had no job and no education. He now is in his mid 20s...I reached out to him, got him a small job and now a few months later he moves with me in my apartment. He even started doing sport :) still a long way but those people just need a reaching hand.

Damn, I loved that last story about former hikikomori getting married. So touching

2020: the year where everyone's a hikikomori.

I think I’m a hikikomori. Here in America they call us losers though.....

"Our society is very tough on the weak." -- oh, that's such a good quote.

One of my childhood friends is a hikikomori here in Sweden, he has not left out small town for over 15 years, and only comes out of his apartment to buy food and then never talk to anyone. I have tried to reach out to him but to no avail. Very sad, as I know he is funny and kind.

Everyday I learn something new. The rent-a-sister idea is a great one. It gives people who are natural givers and kind-hearted an opportunity to use their talent to help those who need it the most. 😊

My sister is like that in the US. She was bullied and suffers from anxiety and depression. She stays up all night playing video games and then sleeps all day. She has one friend who comes over every couple of weeks, but just has so much social anxiety that she doesn't want to make other friends. I think technology, with all its amazing advances, has enabled people to have this escapism 24/7 if they want it.

2:21 "I don't pretend. I just try to connect with them on their level." that's social work!

I recently quit Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. I found the relationships to be two-second interactions and they made me feel lonely. I only stay on RU-vid because I learn something new every day. But now I get my socialization needs met by a very small group of people -- in person and for more than two-seconds. In these days of social media and Covid-19 isolation, I am surprised that we aren't all massively depressed. I feel for these Japanese who live in a culture that largely ignores their very real problems.

That was pretty much my life as a teenager girl. I know how it feels so I'd like to volunteer to help those that are going through the same thing. We do have to take mental illness more seriously and we should see the hikikomori as they are, simply people trying to survive in a society that can be very cruel. It's not shameful or ugly and they deserve help and not judgment.

How Hikikkomori became a thing: Society: Be yourself! Also society: Ehm, no, not like that

At the end, they only need a friend who cares and accepting them, even for money... That's deep...

Dogs would also be great therapy for them. They have such a great way to lift your spirits and get you outside and enjoy nature.

The reality is that he'll always need you now that you've deeply bonded with him.

Hikkimoris are the backbone of Top Rankers in League of Legend

I remember when I was little growing up in Japan, my cousin committed suicide. It was so devastating. I only found out years later that he was hikikomori. It started because he failed his entrance exams into the college he wanted to go to. I wish they had this ministry back then. He might have recovered. But the family kept it hush hush. 😭

My dream is to become financially stable enough to be a hikikomori for the rest of my life.

They're doing a great service. I could see how someone would fall into their situation, and it deserves note.

So basically it's people with depression hiring councillors

They are deeply depressed, this isn’t a new illness, it is just ignored in Japanese society and I don’t think assigning them a “name” helps.

What these men really need is love and support from family and friends and also a therapist.

I had a rough childhood, and when I switched households (parents separated, never married) I ended up in a program where a social worker would take me out on day trips a couple times month. If I didn't have that experience, I think I would be a lot worse off in terms of social development. Just a little bit of positive human interaction can be life changing for some people. There's "invisible" people all around. Listen, and uplift.

I think many experience this kind of reclusive behavior especially when experiencing depression among other things, not just Japanese men. I remember when I would just never leave the house for 2 years straight unless to go to church or to get a smoothie by my house due to postpartum depression. It's interesting how different countries deal with coping societally

Hikkomori is something that is going to get worst more we dismiss mental health. Not just in Japan but everywhere, especially now.

I had this condition between 18-22. I even lied about graduating and dropped out of school. I even went so far as to forge my bachelor diploma (but later went back to school to get my real diploma at 25). When I think about those days, it wasn’t depression that started it but it sure turned into depression that lasted for over a decade. It started with a lot of anger at myself. Angry that I stayed up all night playing video games again or binging tv series. Angry I procrastinate like 80% of my time away. Angry I can’t hold down a job. Angry at myself for getting up late again, angry for failing to meet my own standards, angry I don’t have more friends, angry at blah blah blah. It’s not like I was lazy either. I “helped out” 7 days a week at my parents restaurant from 8 years old till 15, and finally worked legally from 15-18. I STILL can’t pinpoint what made me withdraw from 18-22, but I swear, when I binge TV past midnight or play video games for more than a few hours at a time, and my day gets wasted away, I feel that traumatic “lost” and angry feeling again. I have to remind myself to stay away from that stuff and go out for a walk. It actually helps that I now have 2 large dogs that depend on me too. I can’t stay in all day or forget to feed them twice a day. I can’t even sleep in lol. Having stuff like this that forces me to get up and get out is good for someone like me. Left by myself, I would fall back into withdrawal.

wow, i have to say i can relate to these men so much. Every day, i am having to completely go against my nature just by functioning "normally". I despise having to go to work, i despise having to even leave the house sometimes, but i do it. I harbour resentments against people who are so effortlessly outgoing and don't even think about such things.

This just sounds like chronic serious depression and withdrawal. The young man said that life is very unforgiving for the less mentally stong members... i think this can be seen in any society. It's very sad, but good if this approach can help! I think this is actually a very good idea.

They’re just depressed man. If society wasn’t so harsh then everyone would be happier

I am an older gentleman, but I can identify with this, and having a caring sister and/or brother can make a Hugh difference in one life !!

- It's not only men - It's not only young - It's not only a few "hundred thousand" - It's not only "a condition" This is the result of a highly authoritarian society with strict social roles for everybody that overexploits people and doesn't take mental illnesses seriously.

"i asked her to please smile forever next to me" that's such a lovely way of phrasing it.

THIS IS DEPRESSION!! 😭

Seeing their relationship gives me so much hope. I needed this

Very good video. Compassion and understanding is so evident.

Renting someone to be friends. It sounds so weird When they say .” I am going to visit the hikikamori.” Like its some kind of creature .

If you write Hikikomori in Chinese the word would be "繭居族", which means "person who living in a cocoon".

The concept is obviously showing promising results. But almost $900 a month?! That seems predatory..

I think lonely people just need someone to be their friend and be there to support them. Nobody deserves to be a Hikikomori.

Severe manic depression turned into extreme social anxiety. A society over stressed with success has created a generation of terrified men.

Japan: rent a sister. Alabama: it's free real estate...

In America this has a couple different names, sometimes "support specialist" and its covered by insurance as a mental health service.

I remember reading somewhere that a lot of this is caused by Japan's job hiring culture. Japanese companies hire on mass during the time of college graduations once a year and essentially if you miss out on getting into a company during then it's incredibly difficult for you to get back into the job market because companies want fresh new graduates for lifetime employment. Apparently in the early 2000s there was a hiring freeze and a lot of people from that generation didn't get a chance to be hired and they've kind of become the lost and forgotten generation and that's where a lot of these men come from. I might be getting this completely wrong as I read it a long time ago, so anyone with more knowledge feel free to correct me.

All they need is a real friend! Be extra nice to someone who needs it. Sometimes people just need some kindness and understanding.

Kenta looks like he's ready to cry... I want to hug him... This hurts my heart.

Thank you for helping them

Sometimes people just need a good hug and someone to chat to. So just keep an eye out for your family, friends (old, present), neighbors, you could be the difference between life and death for them.

I’m not surprised at all really...I can totally empathise. These days, most people are rude, ignorant and selfish!... it’s much easier and less stressful to just avoid people all together!

"Living your life more slowly and thoughtfully"....a solution to help the anxiety generation.

I'm 24. I feel like completely failure person. In India it's hard to live like that. Wish I could have normal life like everybody else. This loneliness is killing me.

Those two women are providing a truly humane service. Hope more of those women can help.

These type dudes are all over the world, especially in North America and in Europe, especially the UK. Their souls were shattered by bullying when they were growing up.

The reason Hikikomori is a thing in Japan is because parents let it happen. because they're afraid of the social stigma, they hide the kid, continue to feed him, pay for all their expenses, and so the behavior continues and takes on ridiculous proportions. it's not a "condition" or a special disease, it's depression, often caused by bullying. But whereas in other parts of the world, it would get treated earlier on, in Japan it's just left to fester. that said, I think it's really good people are finally trying to do something about it. those rent-a-sister people are a good thing. and those halfway houses even better. I hope that the phenomenon grows to have more than just that one company doing it. Still, they are trying to fix a problem way too far down the road. What needs to change is parents' attitudes (and Japan's attitude towards mental health) and focus on getting their children help right away. Not after they've locked themselves in a room for 10 years. PS: the voiceovers are awful. just use subs, please.

I am becoming like that. I lived in 2 countries thai weren't democracies. People in democracies have no empathy nor basic respect. Narcissism is everywhere.

Wholesome ending

I was not expecting the love story at the end! They're super cute together!!

4:58 "What people misunderstand is that our society is very tough on the weak." Insightful comment - felt very genuine. Of course, we don't interact with "society," only individuals, but perception is reality. I wonder how individuals (and society) could show greater compassion on the weak.

This was incredibly well done. Amelia was fantastic.

Kenta's so cute 😭

So a rental sister is like a female counselor who comes to you instead of going to their office?

She married him. That was a twist! I'm happy for them!

Watching this 2 years later after moving back in with my parents. Hits a bit differently to say the least.

My brother and I were in a similar situation but are Americans. We both were very socially isolated and considered loners and introverted. We preferred to stay at home listening to techno and trance music, playing games on our pc, speaking to people online and avoiding contact outside our home. Our parents did try to get us outside but some things happened that resulted in witnessing things with our family where my dad lost a job, did time in jail, and eventually committed suicide and we struggled economically and kids were not so understanding or accepting of this so our lives were the computer. Even into our early 20s I wasnt driving, I did get a job after highschool but was reluctant and had no social life. At some point I got tired of it and wanted a life and to make money, meet someone, drive but I think my own mom was experiencing codependency that she didnt want us to leave. It took me making some significant pushes to become independent and we both finally broke free from these issues, I am now married, have a son, my own house, cars, some social things have carried over like my gaming hobbies. Sometimes this isnt by choice, being alone is a way of thinking about the past and avoiding distraction, focusing on self, sometimes to protect ourselves from the outside world in a strange way. Yes now its different, I have real priorities now, but during those years it was a mix of depression, anxiety, and avoidance because I didnt feel connections to other people. I still am quite private outside of my own family.

Sigh. Imagine being a friend who helps someone build themselves and be happy and be paid!!!! THAT IS MY DREAM JOB!

I go to the local shop once a week. I see my sister-in-law, eight hours a week. I’m very happy and I feel mentally healthier than I was before, I was depressed and suicidal, now I have hope.

I lived like a hikikomori for 2 years without even realizing it. Dropped off school because of bullying and stopped going out because i have no friends. My family helped me out to get back to society, Now I go to school and i have friends all it takes is a little bit of peace and love.

'Mr. Haruto', you are brave as your story helps others. If there was no shame in asking for help, the gov't could help supplement this kind of 'social work' for many more'. Blessings to lost souls. May they find their way. Such a hopeful story. Thank you, BBC. ❤

This issue isn't only in Japan. You could say that I am a recovering female hikikomori. I study part time at a quiet university where there is more support for students. Each week, I see a psychologist & work one whole day. The rest of my free time is spent in my room. Honestly, being around people makes me feel suicidal. From 6 -10 years of age, I was bullied & isolated by my classmates. The isolation happened again from 13 to 15 years of age. The environment that I was raised in was unstable too. My parents also had very high expectations for me. I learned from a young age that it is better to be alone than to be disappointed or heartbroken. I don't want anyones pity but i want people to understand that there are reasons why people turn out this way.

i dont know why western medias repeatedly report about hikikomori things, it happens all over the world, not only in Japan.

I'm an Argentinian hikikomori. I gave up of this sick Society. I'm polyglot. I speak fluently French, Portuguese, English and of course Spanish. And I understand everything in Italian, but I don't speak it fluently. And I spend all my days watching videos like this. To learn interesting things and improve my listening of foreign languages. Namasté Guz from Córdoba, Argentina.

That is very sweet ❤ To be a rental sister Hikikomori need support

This is exactly how my nephew was, until I gave him a job with my company, got him out of the house at least 9 hours a day . Working and being around other people has completely changed him...the solution was easier for my nephew than a lot of unfortunate people I see here.

Kenta has a good voice for voice acting.

The problem is the NOT Hikikomori. The problem is COOL society. Everyone is expected to be "cool" in one form or another. Act cool, talk cool, walk cool, behave cool. Drive a cool car, wear cool clothes, have a cool haircut. Live in a cool house. Have a cool job or business. Have a cool girlfriend. If a person isn't cool, he is considered to be childish, immature, naive, a nerd, a failure, a loser, a nobody; bullied and walked over at worse, ignored and shunned at best.

I'm female and in a European country and this has happened to me several times in my 34 year life. In highschool I became severely depressed and it took all of my willpower to force myself out of my bedroom daily. In college I forced myself out again but my resolve wasn't as strong anymore. After college I withdrew completely for a few years and only walking my dog could get me out of my room. I went to therapy and "recovered" for a few years but 5 years ago it happened again. I don't leave my apartment much. I make myself go for things I need but I don't go out to socialize unless it's my sisters or my parents. Also taking my cat to his vet appointments. It's even very difficult to take the trash and recycling out even though it's only a short walk INSIDE the apartment complex. It's probably the worst it's ever been right now.

Bully can seriously damage your mental health

Good stuff. I'm kind of in the same situation, only I'm disabled. Not crippled or anything like that. Just been self isolated for so long. I do get out of the house, and am able to drive, I just don't have anywhere to go. Imma try to change for the better in 2019. Not just for myself, but for my family.

We all just need someone to hold our hand most of the time... For the past year, my depression and anxiety has made me want to stop school and stay inside of my room because I learnt that I wouldn't be able to take up my dream course in college and my step-dad passing away. I felt like I lost sight of my future that I've been preparing for the last couple of years now. Even just looking at my emails and texts makes me really scared. Luckily, one of my friends pushed through the wall I made and lifted up my spirits. I still feel really bad for not getting my dream course and ignoring my studies but I've met someone that made me realize a lot in my life that are more valuable. I hope other hikkikomori find people that can hold their hands as well.

I was so worried she was gonna say "don't leave their room for days" - then I hear "decades" and I know I'm good. whew.

Who knew hikikomoris are saving everyone lives right now?

It's happening because economic conditions are forcing young adults to face enormous challenges. You have to be creative, good in IT, have the ability to network, basically wear many hats in order to be somewhat competitive. This condition is present in US in very rural areas where young males recluse themselves from society out of depression because they cannot find work or make a meaningful living. Gone are the days of graduating High School and just working in a factory earning a modest income. Inflation wage stagnation, cost of living, and global economy is decimating many countries in differing ways, but the end result is the same, Depressed young adults who see no way out. Its really sad. It's also easy to discount them if you have made it and become successful because you may not have experience the level of failure they have. We can't all be talented, skillful, and lucky, but a rising population of depressed adults is not sustainable for society either.

I'm this too from very severe abuse for far too long. I'm not violent though. Mine stems from poverty, no support, a bad environment, and severe anxiety. I have not found proper help after 7 years. I'm now disabled and stay in bed. Also, I do want and try to work. I'm afraid of others.

It's cause of bad mental health lack of opportunities and pretty much the lack of help most hikikomoris where bullied most of them are just very unlucky in life.

"future wife... Ayako, the rental sister." me: whaaaaaat!

Toddlers in Japan compete to get into the best kindergartens. And then primary-schoolers compete to get into the best intermediate schools, and this goes on to college. Some kids don't want to compete with others. A lot of people in Japan come to realize that cost of _trying_ in such a toxic environment isn't worth the benefit of having done so, and carries with it too much hazardous risk. If the culture is determined to hurt you just for existing, why try to engage it? Hence we have _futōkō_ or school-avoidant children who don't want to engage if doing so risks being bullied, hurt or shamed. We also have _hikikomori,_ or socially-avoidant adolescents and adults. We also have _sōshoku danshi,_ men who are disinterested in engaging with women if doing so means adhering to the highly competitive traditional Japanese custom, again it's just not worth it, and the society has long since decided these people should be disregarded in order to preserve a cruel culture. _Hikikomori_ does not correlate with known mental disorders only because those who've studied it have not bothered to look. In fact, a cross examination across many cases have demonstrated indications of PTSD or autism spectrum or major depression, often they _fulfilled criteria for multiple psychiatric conditions._ Only one in five were _primary hikikomori,_ that is, isolated from society without any indications of other mental disorders. The thing is, these are all based on tiny samplings of less than one-hundred cases. No-one's gathered data across thousands, and it's hindered since families feel compelled to hide _Hikikomori_ to avoid familial shame. So this is a societal problem, one of several phenomena that emerge from a culture that favors competition over cooperation, elitism over inclusion and preservation of institutionalized tradition over regard for the individual.

I was isolated from fifteen to eighteen, after developing terrible fear and depression from having severe eczema. Even in Canada it is so easy to "fall through the cracks". That's what they say about people that are forgotten about. Bad things happen and you get scared and never leave your bedroom again. Recently I met some old friends and they asked me, "what happened? Where did you go?" I had to tell them I never went anywhere, I was just hiding.

Ayako and Ikuo, what a lovely story.

Heartbreaking to see so many beautiful souls hiding themselves away from society, especially a society with high expectations. Really happy that there are people willing to help out. I wish you all the best

She's saying hikikomori are often sensitive people. This makes a lot of sense to me

‘Unknown” meaning we will not admit it occurs. Which is weakness and shame. That being said, nothing is more healing than having someone be present with you while you are in pain.

So depression... Ignored depression... Parents w/enough money can afford this. This is worldwide & treated differently. I'm 3years healing from depression alone. Lots of alone time, crying, etc. & yes here you get arrested for arguing, put in psyche wards, & ignored by family. And now you're crazy to those ppl... God got us🙏💜 Keep going