I grew up in Utah in the 80’s with 8 siblings and my parents bought a motor home when I was 2 and did multiple amazing trips every year which were the highlights of my childhood but unfortunately in the 80’s camcorders were expensive so we don’t have any video of any of the trips, their just Memories in my head. A year ago my mom collapsed and we found a brain tumor that doctors said if we chose to take her out of the induced comma, she will have significant brain damage likely unable to use her arms or legs and very possibly not even be able to chew food , the part of the brain that translates what we see , hear and smell to the views and way we see was affected and the neurologist said there’s a high chance she would wake not able to see , hear , smell or speak or move her body in any way. He said I know the thought of not seeing her alive again and making that decision to let her go is unimaginable but I sincerely urge you to think of her, how much you love her and imagine the very likely possibility she would wake up feeling like she was jsut waking up from a nights rest , but waking up having the immidiate reaction she is consciously awake but can’t see , dead silence No sense of smell , unable to move at all or feel touch of someone . He said I’ve seen this result too many times as families hope for a miracle and base the decision on their own emotions feeling it will be easier to know she’s alive and spend time with her and ignrongjng the reality or what the injured will expeirnce , even seeing to loose the ability to walk is so difficult and the families I’ve seen that chose to wake their loved one and nothing happening and ask when they wake up and I have to tell them vitals show she is now awake , she can’t see , can’t move and may not be able to hear or feel touch . These families often focus of how sad this makes them feel instead of putting themselves in that position . To imagine those waking moments in the morning before opening your eyes but you can’t open them, can’t scream for help, the dead silence and inability to feel touch takes the brain back to our earliest memories in life and the fear of being alone , unable to speak . Walk , go to our parents is what causes babies often to cry in the night . Imagine waking but no senses of any kind , you’d feel like your in some deepest dark hole alone , you can’t process that you’re parilized and maybe can’t feel touch , maybe lost my eye sight and hearing isn’t a thought anyone ever had in these cases becasue they often begin with a sudden loss of consciousness in random places , so they aren’t aware something must have happened and maybe their in a hospital , the human brain can’t process making any sense of its current state and the complete absence of all aenses but being conscious and “awake “ means these loved ones experince this terror thst won’t end and is experienced every time they wake from sleep . Some of these families keep them in the hospital and if they’re vital systems recover they can spend the rest of life int gus nightmare . He told us the first time a family chose to ignore him having her take out of the comma , when he realized she was awake he processed that her not moving when awake means things are at their worst and she’s surely lost all senses and physical control . Feeling so sad for her he looked at her and had a thought of what she was expeirncing right now. Loss of body control usually means the tumors have almost100% have lost everything. He said he suddenly realized she likely was not partlizsd but able to head at least to hear people tell her she’s ok, she’s in a more conscious nightmare state that you can’t make sense of , can’t fathom what’s going. On, the fear for your children wondering if they are exoerincing the same. Knowing she would never regain these scrambles sensory adapters and would remain in this nightmare for years, maybe decades , never hearing another voice or feeling touch and in total darknes . He put himself in that headspace and was overcome with how terrifting it would be , he said he’d surely believe he died and was in hell becaue our God wouldn’t do this, maybe a fear that there is no God or afterlife induces? The constant fear and wonder of where am I, what happened , where’s my family , what is happening , when will this end ? When the reality is it won’t until you pass away. He told us he had his first panic and anxiety attack and went into a closet closing the door Turing the light of and breaking down realizing what this mother was now expeirncinf . He told us , it’s reality but there’s another option ajd I want you all to think of how amazing of a mother sue is and has been , think of what she deserves . She passed out so she wouldn’t even know she passed out , she can wake in a life or terror OR ,….im a Christian and know God lives us , the option is we turn off life support , she won’t experince death , pain. Or fear , her brain function will stop and she’ll open her eyes and beyond the veil now, she’ll be met with loved ones , God himself and I vekiiece she can visit her children , watch over them. To be put in true outter darkness or leave physical pain , leave all the bad in the world and experince life in paradise. He told us to make the decision FOR her , not us . He said I know it’s not fair this happened to her but it did and now she isn’t able to make choices , she will expience what you chose for her . My brother spoke and said mom deserved a long perfect life but that option was eliminated so we need to give her the next best , to leave her body thst is done , leave all pain and awake is what she will understand where she is . One option is literally heaven the other is hell and darkness, she didn’t deserve this but she sure as hell doesn’t deserve a live hell scape and we can’t possibly chose to put hermher there ,..we can chose to let her expeirnce paradise . She deserves thst . The doctors said he has had nightmares since. Thst day imagining the silent empty end and confusion , I experince this nightmare and wake up and have for 17 years now , I promise you you will come to imagine her experince and your choice and the regret of putting her in thst nightmare . He appologised for encouraging one way but it’s inorkrsnt to know what reality is . We decided to turn it off. I lost my amazing mom with no warning no way to communicate I love her , she’s gone and I truly would give the world to have video memories of our trips , to experience them and mom she err I want. But not posible. My point is one day u will die ajd your wife and your children , your clearly daddy’s daughter will have hours able to experienced these best t moments , to see you in the way thwy will cope so much easier and feel closer to you . I’d give all I have to have once video of a vacation with mom in my childhood but it doesn’t exist and my memeores. Are getting foggy . These videos will be THE tool ajd ability to feel you close , be sure to keep timing
I’ve been reflecting on your comment all day. I feel in your words to be heard and by sharing your personal experience I imagine it also gave you a little relief from what you’re feeling and what you went through. I know two other people who have been dealt the horrible responsibility of ending the life of their Mother or Father. The course of feelings you experience cannot be understood unless you are personally and suddenly given the choice when you’re not prepared for it. There was no time to even consider what they would want or what you would want for them. Torn by the thought of wanting to spend more time with them, but also knowing the physical agony they would experience by staying alive would create confusion and hell like conditions for their well-being and for those placed with the responsibility to care for them. I video record most of my experiences with my kids because I know the time is short and they will move on. I will get old and not have the health to be out and be as active. I exercise several times a week and cook most my kids meals to keep me healthy and help them grow healthy. I also recognize life has a way of changing our circumstances and plans suddenly and without reconciliation. However, I truly believe we have a Heavenly Father, our God, who loves us. He is well aware of our joy, pain, sorrow, excitement, hopes, and dreams. I believe He is remorseful and has a great plan for each of us. The pain we experience teaches us to also have joy. If we ask for His help and understanding He will give us support and comfort. I have witnessed awful situations become amazing miracles and blessings. I am sorry you don’t have video memories, but your mind has a record of all the experiences good and bad. Find some of your favorite memories and write what you remember on paper. This will help your mind recall and you’ll have a record to help remind your mind of what you saw and felt. This will keep your Mom alive in your life until you too pass on. She will be waiting for you. Thanks for sharing and take care.