Everyday I think about how I should just be dead. I stay alive... I try to hope someone will always be there for me. My family, friends and anyone else I had all turned their back on me BECAUSE OF HIM. Even HE turned his back on me... People can say there will always be someone, I say not for everyone. Too many stabbed my back, and the punchline of the joke that's me is they say they care.. If I mattered then where is anyone? Why don't they understand I'm not selfish, I'm seeing with my own eyes how little I mean to everyone. I'm only still alive for myself, you can say that's all I can really need but I don't even smile anymore. I lost sense of insecurity, just breathing through anxiety and I keep being pulled into false hope. I wish I was with you, dad. I never wanted to out-live you...
I just want the ppl that should care to actually care. And notice that I’m hurting bc I feel so empty n broken. No1 ever notices anything it breaks me. But they’d b sorry if i were gone- the only time people notice u is when ur not impressing them or not making them happy, but wat abt me? How do u think I feel? I’m just as disappointed just as lost. Wat more is there to do?
I read a quote yesterday that said “We have grown up with the idea that if we were truly ourselves we would be rejected.” And this is the sad truth about the world we are living in these days.. everyone is expecting us to be someone they want us to be. And sometimes in this road we get lost, our feelings mean nothing to them. But if there is 1 thing i learned from the past 2 years, is that eventually you are going to find the people that really care about you, you will make new friends that understands you without any judgements, and you also have to do more effort to make that happen, its not always about them, its sometimes about us too. Change can be beautiful. I wish for you to meet new people, better people, and wish u the happiness and the calm in yourself that you should have. I hope you become okay one day soon. ❤️
