Say "NO" Without Hurting Feelings 

I tell them this is my creative outlet. I crochet what I want, when I want, on the schedule I want, in the pattern I want. Once I take a commission, it becomes a job for me, and I just want to be creative with my spare time. I also offer to teach them how to crochet so they can make the things they want.

Hot take: their feelings are NOT your responsibility. "No" is a complete sentence. "I don't want to" is enough of a reason. No one is "owed" an explanation for your "no". We are constantly teaching others how we want to be treated. It takes a lot of effort to see things from others' perspectives. Their feelings may be hurt, but that's an indication that they had unrealistic expectations which you never agreed to. However, I wonder how often it is that WE have unrealistic expectations of their response to our "no." Maybe they'll be totally chill with it and even grow in respect for us! Great topic of conversation as usual, Shannon!

As a recovering people pleaser myself, we should all just practice saying no. I don’t want to buy time, I know flat out that my answer is already no.

I've learned the hard way to simply say no. I've been asked by a friend to make a pair of fingerless gloves for a co-worker as a Christmas gift. It involved experimentation, two pairs of lovely results and she gave me a grand total of $9. This same friend asked if I'd make a black scarf for her grandson "if you are looking for something to do." Not one penny. Another acquaintance asked if I'd make an alligator scarf (school mascot) for her daughter. I'd learned a bit by this time and gathered information: cost of yarn, cost of pattern, how long it would take to make. Her response? "That's one expensive scarf." I just smiled as she left my home. Those are a few examples. On the other hand, I have been WELL paid for projects that have been pretty much me cobbling together a pattern. But it was still shortly before Christmas. It. Is. Just. Not. Worth. It. On the third hand, I've been sitting visiting with a beloved niece who commented how much she loved my pineapple stitch scarf. I couldn't give it to her quickly enough. :) I love gifting my work, but I have learned to not give anybody the opportunity to undervalue my abilities.

When people do not know fiber arts, they have no idea how much time they take. 😂. I'm in the same boat as you. There's only so much time in a day. Thanks for bringing this topic to life.

A friend requested I make several cowls for her to gift, we picked out yarn from my stash, and I made them. She usually bought herself high quality clothing, not minding the cost and we didn't discuss prices before hand. (Red flag). When I asked 25$ each ( which was undercutting myself) she said" but I can buy these at Wal-Mart for 7.50". I gifted her 1 for Christmas and kept the other 2. I never make anything without giving a price upfront anymore and I rarely make anything fancy or expensive unless I am gifting it myself. Lots of good responses here Shannon.

Your responses to people asking you to make things for them are much kinder than my responses 😂 I have made a lot of things for people as gifts, and for some reason if you make anything at all people think that means you take requests and will just make something for them. I also get "you should sell that!" My responses are usually "I don't take commissions" and "I don't want to sell, crochet is just a hobby"

My son loves my crochet work. He has only asked me to make him something once. So I did. The rest of the time he just waits until I am done making something and then just "adopts" it. I make a lot of amigurumi.

When asked by others to make stuff FOR THEM, I like to smile and say “well, I could teach you how so then you could make it yourself… “ I have gotten the confused look and they’ll repeat that they want ME to make it FOR THEM so I repeat my same answer🤦‍♀️ And the people who accept my invitation to teach them, they just never get back to me as well as just never again ask me to make stuff for them.

Only certain people can ask me to make them things anytime. Husband, My kids, and my mom. Thats it. I always react the same way when anyone else asks me. I tell them I can't do it but I would love to teach them how to make it themselves. Sometimes they take me up on the offer and other times they decline. This is how I take care of my mental health, I don't want to ever mess that up with deadlines and projects that don't interest me.

I smile really big and say awww, No thanks!😊

I saw someone’s tip last week that said when someone asks you to make something, tell them you don’t make requests for others, but I’ll show you how to crochet (or knit). I thought this was a GREAT response!

I would knit baby blankets for each baby in the family once I learned how. My husband and I had had some fertility problems and when my cousin’s 5th baby was almost here, she asked me to knit them a yellow blanket and that they’d pay me. I was taken aback. I’d always just knitted the blankets any color I wanted and then I’d surprise them at the shower. Oh I tried to knit the thing, I really did, but it was too upsetting. Probably knit about five inches or so.. I told her the truth, that it hurt too much being that we were struggling trying to have a baby. Always go for the truth but sometimes I’m not quick about it. If she hadn’t asked, I’d have made the baby a blanket. It might have even been yellow.

I work at a school so when I wear something that I have made I will get a lot of positive comments and the “ You should sell those “ my response is NO! This is my way of relaxing it’s my me time, so if I was to turn this into a business it would stress me out 🤪 and it would not be enjoyable for me anymore. Then there’s the one person that just says MAKE ME ONE! I just laugh and walk away. Thanks Shannon this was another great topic.

It goes both ways. I volunteered to make hats and mittens for my granddaughter's 2nd grade low income class. She had a problem because the children were not allowed outside for recess without proper clothing and they really needed the outside time. I worked on them during the summer and had them done in plenty of time. Another family member made a snide remark about me having nothing better to do with my time.

If someone sees I’m making something cool…and they say, “Will you make me one??!!” … I just laugh as though they just made a little joke, and carry on to another subject of conversation. Lol 😆 I used to have a hard time saying No. But nowadays, I practice guerrilla honesty and say something like, “No, I just don’t want to…I’ve got other projects I want to do after I’m done making this.” 🤷‍♀️ I only have a few people I’ll GLADLY make anything for: my kids and my husband. Because they greatly love and appreciate the things I make. For everyone else, I offer to teach them to crochet, instead. So far, no one has accepted that offer. Says a lot, now doesn’t it.

I have been asked to make certain things. Sometimes I do make things for family. Sometimes I ask for them to buy the yarn and then I make it . Sometimes it is above my skill level and I have to say no. So far people have been happy with what I made.

Some people have no clue how much yarn and effort some projects are. It is hard to say no though. Fortunately, I'm newer to crochet and I just say I have no idea on some of the projects, which is true for me.😊❤

Your videos really speak to real life situations and I appreciate your transparency. I had to say no to someone at church and my hairdresser. Both were Christmas stockings that had color work in them and that was way beyond my ability at that point. Plus I would have felt weird and under charged them. Uncomfortable but we all survived.

I make prayer shawls, and I agreed to make a prayer shawl for a friend of a friend. I took my friend yarn shopping with me. It was an eye opener for her. Now I don’t make prayer shawls for people that I don’t know. It’s a labor of love.

.My experience has been people just ask you to make them something but usually they don't really what to pay for whatever it is or consider the time it will take they just expect you to make it for them because you know how to crochet...I have made gifts for certain people I deem crochet worthy because it makes me happy or a family member, otherwise I have no problem saying "No" to any request, it's just easier and less of a hassle plus I couldn't bear it if the person didn't appreciate all of the effort that went into making the item...

I try to remember that any crafted gift is a gift of your *life*, of the time and creativity it took to make it. I am happy to teach anyone interested and have taught several people.

I have most certainly have said NO to crocheting for others just because they ask and they have no idea the time and effort it takes to JUST crochet something for them. You are so right they don't understand.

Having had a business doing custom knitting I tend to feel there is more profit, and less pain, in simply producing what is trending (or your unique products) than taking customer orders (or orders in general). People, especially people that are close to you, tend to change their minds or fail to convey what they really want. A lot of reneging on what you create even when you produce exactly what you contracted for. Stick with your gut feelings. They are there for a reason.

If i post a picture i try to accurately say how long the item took, how difficult the technique was, how much yarn it took, or maybe how it took so much time of experience to even attempt this item. I think this transparency helps people understand. Or if im in person and i can tell someone might ask ill start mentioning those things and how people who dont understand arts/ fiber arts are shocked at the cost. I also have a flat boundary of gift at birthday and pay otherwise. 🙌

And some people just trick you into it. I had a distant family asked for my help to choose yarn, because she wanted to knit a duster for her daughter. To make u turn and tell me after the yarn was there oh it is so bad that she can’t do it and it is such a waist. So I knitted the dam duster. Worse of all I haven’t see the daughter since because she had a falling out with the entire family.

I'm happy to take commissions from my family and friends as long as they bring me the yarn 😅 I think this would change once my crochet business grows a bit but as of now let's just say I enjoy the challenge. I'm currently working on a cardigan for my partner 👌

“My project list is really long right now! But I’ll keep you in mind when I get down my list 😊” At this point I’m never getting down my list, but I want them to know I will think of them when I’m ready! And if something easy or fast comes up that makes me think of them I’ll whip it up quick. Something like a hat or a little goody bag 💕 I love giving away my work even if it’s something small.. I think people really appreciate it.

I crochet and loom knit marking things for my 2 niece's and now little nephew coming this July. I use whatever yarn I have on hand. I try not to buy yarn for certain projects. It Saves me money and time my nieces are 3 and almost 2 they're happy with whatever I make them. I got chronic illness so for me I do it whenever I'm feeling up to it and take My time and I start making something like a hat or baby blanket whenever I have time plus keeping it hidden so that my 2 toddler nieces won't unravel the project.

New to your channel. This is a great topic that isn’t discussed much. I’m a fairly new crocheter 1-1/2 years in. Very new knitter 3 months into it. I have lost count of the number of people asking me to make things. “I’ll pay you top dollar…” I do this for my own personal satisfaction. I don’t feel I need to explain myself. Maybe that comes with age. I worried more about what people thought in my 20s than now in my mid 50s. I have no problem telling them I have a serious backlog of projects I want to do but am happy to get together to teach them. Not one person has taken me up on that offer and the conversation always ends there. I am appalled someone would ask you “why?” you can’t or won’t do it. No one deserves an explanation. Again, getting older means I refuse to explain myself. I love making things to learn. Most go into a tote for future gifts. I’ve had too many hobbies in my past be ruined because I couldn’t say no. Those days are well behind me. I really enjoyed this video and will check out more of your past videos. Blessings to you.

Unless it's something I absolutely cannot do, I tend to tell people, buy the yarn and I'll make it for you. Once had a friend want a very specific afghan, I found the pattern (paid $5 for the book it was in) took a photo of the yarn requirements and sent that to her and said buy this yarn, if you change the colors, let me know, and I'll make it for you. No yarn has shown up on my doorstep for that specific afghan! HAHA

I’m simply honest in saying no, and it’s almost always not enough time. Money is a factor, but time for me is the bigger issue. I have a friend that always asks me to make her something when she sees what I’m making for either myself or an immediate family member. I simply tell her I don’t have enough time to add another project in my queue.

My daughter saw me making a large stocking for my house just before Christmas. She told me she wanted it and three more in three different colors. The yarn was expensive for me and she didn't help with the cost. I worked all month on them and during the last week she didn't think I did it right and asked for another one. So, being Mom, I did. There was no time to make any other gifts. I felt hurt and my hands hurt. Didn't crochet for weeks afterwards.

My brother's fiance and me to make her this intensive highland cow with a bunch of individual hair all over the body. She bought me the pattern and it's been over a year now I said yes. But she wanted it in black and Grey. I got the feet done and started into the body that has the hair and I stopped. It wasn't something I wanted to do. I finally told my brother I don't want to finish this. Black yarn is hard for me to see and this pattern wasn't something I wanted to attempt. I explained that if I made this for someone else i would have sold it for almost $200. I haven't said 100% no to her yet. But I'm about to so she knows.

This was a great topic to cover and talk about. I appreciate you brining it up. Thank you

Hi Shannon 🤗 I like the idea of breaking it down for them…cost, time etc! Great advice! Thank you! 🥰🧶🤩

Awesome topic! So universal and understood by all of us, and yet so needed in terms of gracious ways to say No when necessary....I find that I usually just do it rather than saying no and that is not ideal. I think some people in my life feel like I have too much yarn and need ideas and ways to use it up so they feel they are helping me by asking me to use some of it up in ways that they feel are productive and helpful but are usually the things that I really don't enjoy making (like wash cloths and hats). They also don't realize that most of the yarn in my stash is not well suited to those types of projects because I realize that I don't enjoy making them, so they aren't really helping we use up my stash, but forcing me to go buy more yarn to be able to fulfill their requests. For the hats, it does help some because I bought too much worsted weight acrylic when I started building my stash but for anything that requires kitchen cotton, I really dread it and would rather go buy them a nice set of dishcloths or washcloths already made of 100% cotton than to spend twice as much in time and new yarn to make them.

My niece is having a baby and she has 3 others at home, each of whom I made blankets for for Christmas. They loved them. I offered to make one for the new baby and asked what color. She said green. I sent options and she picked one. While trying to find complimentary colors and figuring out how many skeins I would need and what pattern to use, she sent me a message saying she saw this amazing pattern for new born photo sessions that was a viking outfit. She asked if I would make it for him with a blonde beard. She then send me multiple options for patterns to purchase and added how cute certain elements of each she liked. She offered to buy the yarn and pattern. I told her that I had never done anything like that before but was willing to try if I found a pattern that made sense to me. She again offered to pay. I love to spoil my nieces and nephews so I told her not to worry about it IF I could not get it done I would let her know. I then bought a few patterns some yarn options which I sent to her and got her approval on everything, and proceeded to push the boundaries of my comfort zone and O!M!G! I created the cutest outfit which I just mailed to her and the whole family is ecstatic about it. I know this video is about how to say no and honestly if she had not offered to buy the yarn and pattern I might have said no because I haven’t done anything like this before and it really pushed me out of my comfort zone, but when she offered to pay for the pattern and the yarn I knew that she truly appreciated the work and cost that would go into making it so I said yes, glad I did because now not only am I comfortable in making unique things like that, but I’m also going to add it to the sellable repertoire that I have. This did of course mean that the baby blanket was not going to be done anytime soon. As a matter fact I have not even purchased the yarn for it. I’m still looking for just the right yarn.

Wow, you are so kind ❤and diplomatic. I wish i had watched your video 📹 when i first started crocheting... There were a lot of times when i first began crocheting when people after getting the crocheted item, refused to pay. It seemed they were suddenly struck with amnesia and forgot paying was part of the deal. Thanks for your sweet advice i am sure i will use this in the future 😀 ❤

Such an EXCELLENT video and subject, Shannon! I have never ever ever never been good at “no”! I love these tips; thank you so very much! It’s a very new world for me and I need all of the yarny tips I can find 🤪. Have a nice Mother’s Day! ☺️🫶🏻🧶💐

Also be aware of commissions. Someone asked me to make a sweater and confirmed the cost of yarn and labor. I bought the yarn but was never paid for the purchase and never talked about it again. The project is sitting in my drawer and waiting to find his way home. Or I might frog it and use the yarn for myself.

One trick is saying: "if it is interesting for me to do it, ok, you buy all the materials and pattern and I will do it gladly when a time slot is available, ok?" If they actually take the time and go to buy the materials, that will freeze them on the spot. People don't know how EXPENSIVE yarns and patterns are😂 Make sure to only to do that with ignorant folks, with savvyies, you add the cost of time invested but you offer a 10 percent discount of that. They will instantly know it's not affordable. You'd be surprised how fast enthusiasm vanishes if you ask people to bring the materials😂😂 or worse let them know you'll gladly guide them while they do it, I once sid that with a necklace made from glass beads and seeds. The lady frowned at me and said "I can't waste time going shopping for supplies and learn" I said, "oh, yes, it's very time consuming, I know, that's why I can't do things for others, I am awfully busy myself" I once had a lady go a buy everthing and told me I could keep the surplus materials. It was an easy sewing project and I agreed. We were both very happy!🎉

New subscriber here! I’ve yet to be asked this question for crochet but I’ve been asked multiple times for sewing and my go to is always cost of materials first and then mention that I’m not a fast worker and it may be several months before completion. I also make sure to be vocal about my fibre preferences as I’ve had several people assume that I will substitute materials to cut cost!

I have wrist/hand issues so I explain I only crochet what I want when I want and will not take on big projects. I also can go months without being able to due to pain. And no one asks me now.

I’ve had difficulty saying No in the past and regretted giving up my precious free time for other people’s service projects or volunteering for events. Now that I’m older and bolder, I just say, “Maybe when I’m retired” because I’m at least 10 years from retirement. I’ll have more time then.

Thank you for all your practical advice! 💕

New subscriber here. I knit more than crochet but have been doing both since I was 8 years old and I'm 70 now. Still learning though!!

I have a hard time saying “No” too. Sometimes I bring up how much the yarn would cost for the project and then I never hear back lol 😁

Perfectly said.

A friend asked me to knit a matching beanie and bolero vest for her birthday. Took me forever bc the yarn she chose was horrible to knit with. Ugh! After I gave her the items, she text me a week later asking if I can make another bolero. I asked her Why and she said she sold her bolero to her co worker for $90! I was absolutely floored! I squeaked out 'um, then you will have to pay me $90 to make another one'. She sent me money, I made another bolero but I refuse to knit anything else for her.

I looooove your video ideas!! So unique. Have a great day 💐

I always listen to what it is I'm being asked for if it's someone very close to me. I look into finding the pattern and taking stock. If either I have no time to do it now or flat out can't or don't want to do it. I politely just say so. For ones who ask, I have been known to put it off and make say for Christmas or Birthday gifts. If I'm considering this, the person is extremely close enough that they are getting a gift from me anyways for that occasion. I just don't work myself up in a tizzy time wise. At 64, I have no family left and have time to work on things on a pace to the occasion. I watch youtube but often crochet as I watch. But I can understand my younger friends' time constraints. Never be afraid to tell people no you can't do something. It's being honest straight from the start. People will understand and if they don't then oh, well.

I just say No and keep it moving.

OMG, I just started doing crochet again after a many year break so a couple of times I've been asked to do things and had to say no because I'm not back up to that level again. But my biggest problem is I do plastic canvas needlepoint and have an Etsy shop. I have made so many cute Halloween decorations over the years and not a single one of them has made it to my Etsy shop because my family loves Halloween so when I put a picture up on Facebook they all jump on it and want it. And I'm one of those people that not only won't take money for my work from family but they all live in different states than I do so I end up paying for shipping as well (I know they would pay for at least that but I'm a wimp). So my poor Etsy shop struggles because I don't have the good inventory to put into it. Ugh! But I have started crocheting again so I'm hoping that I can get the business built up with that because it is more popular anyway, and my family doesn't care about the things I'm putting up that I crochet (mostly Barbie afghans at this point). But I say no I don't want to do that, I just have to learn to say it out loud to the people instead of to myself!

Such a great topic! Love your scarf it’s beautiful!

lol, Right On to everything You said❤Gorgeous Shawl😊Love those colors again 😊

A coworker told me she wanted me to make her a baby blanket for her niece’s baby shower. I told her she’d be better off buying one from a big box store for about $30. I explained the general quantity & cost of materials needed. Cost x quantity x my time/effort/skill x how long it’ll take = more than $30.

I love your videos. I get asked to do projects for my family and their friends.

In the past I’ve had a hard time saying no and it got overwhelming because I felt obligated to make whatever for whoever and when I didn’t, felt like I was letting them and myself down. Anymore, my answer is based on what the project is and sometimes who it is. I have had people ask me to make them something, get it done then don’t hear anything back from them. So now I’m left with a project that I don’t even want. 50/50 chance I can sell it and my time wasted along with money. Now asking for 50% down before I do anything. It saddens me because majority of these people are/were friends or family.

Another video with some great advice!

I tend to tell friends and things that if they buy the yarn i will make it as i can.

Someone asked me to make an item for them once, and said that they do not want the stitches to show…….WOW! Then said that they didn’t want the item to move…….WOW! Suggested they make it themselves then. 😛

Man, I have had some DOOZY requests from people, nd its usually more random acquaintances and distant family than people I actually want to make things for. An estranged aunt came to town for the first time in like 8 years and she found out I like knitting and wanted me to make her Nordic style colorwork knit wool leggings. I told her that was like requesting I spend all my spare time for a year on making her something lol. A woman I knew at church was legit wanting me to knit her a sweater she saw me working on a church and wanted to know how much it would cost. I told her that just the yarn I was using was $60 on clearance (it was a wool/silk blend by Cascade) and it had taken all my spare time for 3 months to knit. She was shocked. When I was doing a Craftsy class on clothing alterations, people used to think they were helping me out by trying to get me to mend all their clothes for them. I know people think they are being nice by offering to buy something from us, but its actually incredibly rude since they are used to buying a sweater at Walmart. We will never be a Chinese factory and we should never feel bad about that. I dont need to sacrifice my time and end up hating these hobbies that I love just to feel like ive beat the price they could get elsewhere.

Thank you for this video Shannon. It really hits home.

I have a neighbor who has been a friend to my mom and I since I was a very young child TOLD me to make her a cardigan because she thought it was stupid that I have a yarn stash. When I tried to say no, she just told me to do it anyway, even when I explained all of my stash is already set aside for planned projects. Sooooo... I bought more yarn and started it and just plan to surprise her and then say how much time and money it cost so please don't make comments on my possessions or crafting choices again because it's rude af. I still debate if I even want her to get the finished project in the end tbh. EDIT: This woman knows that I have 3 children, one of which who wasn't even 8 months old when she demanded that project from me while making fun of all my yarn (which isn't even very much tbh).

Two hundred dollars in yarn for that Snuggie? Really? That's for cheap on sale yarn! That looks more like $400 in yarn! Luckily I'm a beginner and no one wants my projects :D

I gift items, period. Bought indy dyed sock yarn for my BF - known her for 50 years. Knit up a pair of socks and she loves them. My sister asked if I could make things for her friends. The First (+ last) time was after I gifted my family cross stitched stockings. When I said that if you paid me a dollar an hour, you would be paying at least $75 not including materials. I suggested that i could teach her how to cross stitch for free ... her reply was she didn't have the time or that $75 was too much. Sorry, but my time is worth more than $1/hour. But that is her problem (if you met her, you would understand everything). People who appreciate your projects appreciate the cost of materials, the hours it takes to make an item, and your skill. Never undervalue your skill!

This is good advice, I never actually thought about this. I actually ended up making 'that pattern' you first showed for someone who had no idea what they were asking me to do. Btw, please share with me what yarn you used to make the beautiful shawl you are wearing. Thank you.

I knit and nalbind. U tell them no, but u offer to teach them how to make it themselves. I have no problem spending hours teaching someone how to make things themselves.

I tell people the cost, then tell them I can help them learn the skill.

My daughter wanted a warm cowl but not wool. I bought 70$ worth of black baby alpaca yarn and crocheted her an intricate Mobius cowl so she could pull it up as a hood also. After all these years she admits she's been throwing it in the machine. 😮 She knew at the time what it was made of and the work that went into it. Never again

I have had to say no a few times. I explained I couldn't afford it or it was an advanced pattern which I was not comfortable trying so I was honest that my skill level wasn't there.

When I get can you make this for me , I used to all the time . Now NO More . If they want something I say buy the yarn and will do it . (As I'm not using my stash for others anymore ). Amazing to see once you tell them to buy the yarn you never get asked again . LOL Why should I continue to use yarn I paid for . I feel thats so rude . I made so many for family and friends cause they asked . Would be amazing if they gave me a gift certificate , or yarn to replace what I bought with my money . So Now never again . Will not buy yarn for can you make me this ever again .

I told my friend no and she said I am selfish when I know how she takes care of something crochet and it's not good

I spin custom yarn from peoples personal pets fur. I’ve had people offer to sell me there dogs fur or donate it to me. I’ve had to explain that peoples own pets are special to them and they pay me to spin it. No one wants random dog yarn.

I get frustrated with people who ask me to make something and I do but then they don't do anything for me. You get treated like the help. The unwanted help.

Nah, dont make stuff for other people. Only when they make their own will it have any value. They walk around in socks that you spent 4-6 days making , without wearing slippers. They leave hats in cafes and dont bother walking back ten minutes for them because its less effort to just ask you to make another. Ive heard of people finding their gifted blankets in dog baskets, used as play-tents in gardens and one hand quilted cotton comforter cut up and made into a playsuit because it was so pretty!

I always say you can’t afford it. Lol

I just say, because of the time and cost involved, I’m unable to honor your request.

I won't make anything for anyone as a gift except for my immediate family, my daughter. Others are not my friends, it's not their birthday, I don't crochet for charitable organizations (yet, thinking about it though), so why should I/should I eat up the cost of material and cost of labor. It's capitalism people.

wow. i didn't know people being told No would lead to so much analysis and avoidance.