Dr. Cloud, your book, Boundaries has changed my life, THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART🙏🏼🌟💕👏🏻. I really appreciate these little lectures directly from you. Thank you ☺️ I am guilty of the excuses in fear of people not liking my no and your book is helping me. No IS a complete sentence. Amen.
Grew up in an abusive home…wasn’t allowed a ‘no’…eVER. Not allowed boundaries…all violated. Never individuated. Then married two men who constantly pushed past whatever boundaries I DID try to assert, which in both cases, was the only reason I married either one of them. I am the 2 Tim 3 weak-willed woman…now headed for my second divorce (an abuser-first was alcoholic). I’m a high performance person, w this broken personality…compulsive over-explainer…sad apologetic. Now I know the first red flag is someone who won’t accept my ‘no’…
I have fallen into this many times, but one of the reasons for this is because I need to process things before making a decision, since I like to consider different perspectives rather than simply decide I'm right. So my favorite response is normally, "Well, I need to think about that first!" For people who respect my boundaries, that works fine. But those who don't, (like narcissists,) will still get angered by that response because they thrive on instant reactions that lead to conflict.
That doesn't necessarily have anything to do with being a narcissist. If someone needs to know something from you, before they can make a decision, then you could possibly be making them and other people involved, have to put their plans on hold until you make up your mind.
I learned a lot from this because recently God has been showing me that I am defensive and tend to use a lot of words to explain unnecessarily when really I need to deal with why I am defensive and anxious with Him.
I don't have a problem with my yes and no. My issue is being what they call a verbal processor. I have a hard time forming my thoughts before I say them.
I’ve been told I need to find my voice and struggled with what that’ll even look like for me…think I found my concise answer lol. Simply saying what I mean could be that part of finding my voice ❤
Great, but unfortunately it's one of those verses that's overused and thrown in everywhere to the point that it almost has no actual meaning, because people use it out of context, in wrong contexts and with manipulative intentions.
Thank you Dr. Cloud. I am amazed by the practical application of the word of God in daily life. I'm an anxious person, I could relate with what you said and I am going to obey the word of God. Thank you.
No one likes not being able to trust what someone says, especially if it's coming from a loved one. Sometimes people lie because of childhood trauma. It was their child- like response that helped them cope with an angry or overbearing parent, perhaps. We all have our coping mechanisms that no longer serve us well. We need compassion and mercy to let go of them.
@@acres2147 nevertheless, it’s unsafe to live with a compulsive liar when its financially and psychologically abusive due to sex addiction and hiding legal and financial information from their spouse. When trust has been chronically broken it needs to be restored
Deeply grateful Dr Cloud for this divine insight about aggressive conflict. Thanks for adding layers to my critical thinking approach to problem solving and decision making. You are ahhhmazing indeed Dr Cloud! Stay Blessed and Beloved! Cheers! 😘☺️🙂
I appreciate your teachings Dr Henry! They resonate and help me to be more Jesus like. The audio on the video wasn’t in sync and there was background noises. Keep on keeping on!
This is excellent. I often found myself using too many words. I realized this in recent years. Never had someone correlate it to Matthew 5 (let your yes be yes and no, no). But I see the connection in this context, for sure. I was framed this way because of my dad growing up. He was more or less a dictator. He would gaslight and not permit his kids to move towards autonomy without an argument, yelling, hitting etc. Took me years to move past the anxiety and being overly diplomatic. And it still comes out at times to this day.
I make a ton of decisions to make sure I don’t hurt people and to do all I can to not make someone feel rejected (within reason - I don’t put myself in compromising situations, but I will force myself to go above and beyond even if I’m tapped out). I don’t necessarily feel like that’s a bad thing or something that needs to be “fixed”. I just think it’s important to be very picky and choosy about who is in my circle. The people I surround myself with are people I’ve decided are worthy of going above and beyond for. I’m not afraid to reject or offend pushy or demanding/entitled people if I need to.
