"SCAPEGOAT CHILDREN ARE TARGETED BY NARCISSISTIC PARENTS FOR CHALLENGING THE FAMILY SYSTEM"

Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc

Подписаться 697 тыс.

Просмотров 70 тыс.

50% 1

#narcissisticparents #scapegoat #narcissist Subscribe bit.ly/32zOvUh "Scapegoat children are targets for narcissistic parents because they challenge the family system. Scapegoated children tell the truth, they know something is wrong and they are also highly attuned with what is just and unjust. They are punished for not making narcissistic parents look good.
8 Key Phrases You Can Use to Shut Down a Narcissist
• 8 Key Phrases You Can ...
10 Mind Games Narcissists Play They Hope You Won’t Figure Out
• 10 Mind Games Narcissi...
If you would like support as you heal codependency, check out my narcissistic abuse recovery coaching program. 50% off limited time offer
www.lisaaroman...
✅ Take the Codependency Quiz
www.lisaaroman...
FREE Codependency Presentation
✅ Codependency On-Demand Presentation
bit.ly/2RYz0TE
✅ SUBSCRIBE and Stay Up to Date with this Codependency Recovery and Narcissistic Abuse Recovery RU-vid Channel
bit.ly/32zOvUh
The Actors from the hit movie WAVES watched my RU-vid videos about codependency to prepare for their movie roles.
• Kelvin Harrison Jr., A...
10 Most Influential People
www.digitaljour...
Guided Healing Meditations, Self Love Programs, Events, and More
✅ www.lisaaroman...
✅ Law of Attraction Master Your Reality Online Coaching Program
bit.ly/2Clp1jE
✅ 12 Week Breakthrough Program - Break Free From Codependency
Https://www.lisaaroman...
✅ Loving the Self Video and Meditation Program Available for IMMEDIATE USE
RU-vid Subscribers receive 50% off
www.lisaaroman...
✅ Join My Membership Program (Programs, Journaling Prompts, Live Group Calls, Private FB Community and more)
RU-vid Subscribers receive 50% Off
❤️ Membership Site 50% off
www.lisaaroman...
Wow 🤩 Download the Loving the Self Affirmation APP and receive daily affirmations, Journaling Prompts, and wallpapers from me!
apps.apple.com...
☝️ Complete RU-vid Codependency Playlist
bit.ly/31sS3J4
👂 Tune in to Lisa’s Podcast
lisaaromano.lib...
👂 iTunes
apple.co/2lY6i81
😀 Listen to My Books for FREE 😀
📚 Codependent Now What
adbl.co/2Q484CV
📚 Loving the Self Healing Childhood Programming
adbl.co/2reLLLS
📚 Quantum Tools to Help You Heal Your Life
adbl.co/2E6qf4n
📚 Loving the Self -- Breaking the Subconscious Patterns
adbl.co/2E6qf4n
📚 The Road Back To Me
adbl.co/2E5tk4C
📚 Codependency Manifesto
adbl.co/3qeOOQs
🎯 Facebook
/ codependencyandnarciss...
🎯 Instagram
/ lisaaromano
Lisa A. Romano on Pinterest
/ lisaaromano
🎯 Join my online Facebook Support Group
/ adultchildrenofalcoholics
Meditate With Me on Insight Timer
bit.ly/2YghsGl
Lisa A. Romano is a Life Coach and bestselling author who specializes in helping people reclaim their lives through ascending old thought patterns and healing faulty childhood subconscious programs. She is an expert in the fields of codependency, narcissistic abuse, and elevating consciousness. She is also one of the most popular meditation teachers on Insight Timer and is the creator of the 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program. If you feel invisible, unworthy, and lack a sense of self or purpose, Lisa's work in the field of personal development can help you gain the self-awareness required to breakthrough.
support.coach@lisaaromano.co
Thanks for watching "SCAPEGOAT CHILDREN ARE TARGETED BY NARCISSISTIC PARENTS FOR CHALLENGING THE FAMILY SYSTEM"
#narcissist #parent #scapegoat #mentalhealth #toxicfamily #relationships #advice #codependency #codependentmother #narcissisticparents #lisaaromano #lisaromano

Опубликовано:

26 сен 2024

Ссылка:

Скачать:

Готовим ссылку...

Добавить в:

Мой плейлист

Посмотреть позже

Комментарии : 1 тыс.

@sharijohnson4024 3 года назад

Preacher's Kid here... in public Dad was loving, gentle, sweet voice, soft eyes... at home he was the exact opposite... looked at me with utter disgust and screamed and stomped his feet in anger over the smallest, most insignificant thing. I never thought of myself as a scapegoat. When I left home my "baby" brother became the scapegoat. Almost 2 years ago at the age of 66 he committed suicide. His suicide has opened the pandora's box of my Evangelical pastor's home. I have been reviewing my whole life in light of what I experienced in my father's home and on the mission field as a missionary Evangelical cult member. I have never cried more tears than in these last 2 years.

@JSquared1969 3 года назад

I'm also a preacher's kid and every bit of this resonated with me. Healing vibes to you!

@steves2333 3 года назад

very sorry to hear, hope you're able to separate God from the wolves that represent him .

@fastmail55 3 года назад

Sounds like my mother. Two faces...one for the public, one for home. Sweet demur Betty in public, Iron Annie at home...

@Yayas_World29 3 года назад

😞🙏🙏🙏

@amethystjade 3 года назад

🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

@SydMountaineer 3 года назад

When you're the scapegoat and have parents with mental disorders, you end up with several PHD's in psychology by the time you're 16 years old, except you don't have the knowledge or tools to know how to deal with the behavior you have witnessed or how to heal yourself.

@taraarrington2285 2 года назад

You gain emotional intelligence by necessity.

@pinkrose4322 2 года назад

True. You don't really completely understand until you're older.

@vettelofton5608 Год назад

Oh my God you’re so correct with this statement

@katlamb4606 Год назад

OH my God!! You are sooo right!

@jamigiuffre2978 Год назад

I'm 36, and I thought I was over what I went through with my Step mom, and the way she was and how she wanted my family to see me...and I'm not. Im now in a hotel with my 2 year old bc my ex was a physically abusive, and she did help me when I first got here 3 months ago. She drove me to the courthouse, she picked me and my son up when i left and came to the hotel, and she did take me food shopping. She paid for my cellphone so I could have it reactivated. And it's done for show. Her image is EVERYTHING! I have called and texted her so many times for help getting to VERY important appointment today otherwise could have taken me away from my son, and have him send back to his dad's. SHE NEVER RESPONDED! She completely ignored me, and the best thing of all, she then twist the truth and tells everyone I only bother or call when I need something. Im just ungrateful. 🤯 I'm not over it. I don't understand why I'm the one being used and intentionally made to feel worthless. And not just by her, bc she gets others to do it without hesitation

@reefk8876 Год назад

If a Narc hates you, you’re on the right path. It’s justifiable to give these people hell just by being and truthful.

@ChosenOne1967 6 месяцев назад

Proverbs 16:28 (NKJV) A perverse man sows strife, And a whisperer separates the best of friends.

@1RPJacob 3 года назад

Not only the narcissistic uses scapegoat, but the whole family does too. The scapegoat is a distraction for the narcissistic actions - "I do crazy things because of scapegoat's behaviour". To stay sane, family needs a scapegoat.

@WWZenaDo Год назад

They don't stay sane because they were never sane to begin with. They simply excuse their own actions in their own malfunctioning brains. Such people likely have physically inferior brains, because imaging has shown physical deficiencies and abnormalities in their brains' functions. These people are basically wastes of oxygen and space, and humanity would be far better off without them.

@AZDC99 Год назад

I completely disagree that the scapegoating family is "staying sane." Instead they cause more needless stress for everybody including themselves. Ironically it's them who are the drama queens YET THEY the accuse THEIR TARGET of being one.. ALL BECAUSE OF THEIR CHILDISH EGO

@WWZenaDo Год назад

@@AZDC99 200% agree with you on that. Imo it's more like the personality disfigured narcissist(s) attempt to rid themselves of their mental filth by dumping it onto innocent bystanders, especially their own helpless and trapped infant/toddler/child offspring. Obviously this can change drastically as the child matures, especially if they figure out or are informed early on about the realities of the behaviors of malignant narcissists. I recently compared malignant narcissists sociopaths and psychopaths, all of whom may have actual physical differences in their brains which predispose them to such actions, to animals suffering from rabies before vaccinations against that deadly disease were developed. Prior to that, the only thing humanity could do was put the dangerously diseased animal down, to protect themselves and their community at large. Obviously that's not a solution for the personality disfigured monstrosities I've just mentioned, but hopefully a thorough and pervasive education of humanity in general will lessen the powers of dictators, cult leaders, sexual predators (especially those who prey upon children) and other subhuman parasites of such ilk.

@AZDC99 Год назад

@@WWZenaDo You nailed it accurately on both posts. At the age of 49 I did not even know that also scapegoat until I was 43. (I was in denial just thinking it was a rift between me and my parents that occasionally flared up...until ONE TOO MANY sporadic devaluations from siblings. Pardon my semantics in arguing your first great commment. People commenting half my age and a lot older than me on YT have validated and given me the keys out of the prison I had no idea I was slightly trauma bonded to. Comments like yours are lifesavers. You just exposed their Walking Dead corpse in a very dignent way. Thanks for the breakdown of HOW IT REALLY IS. Keep thriving instead of merely surviving too

@WWZenaDo Год назад

@@AZDC99 I've enjoyed your comments, and I wish for your continuing growth and increasing strength in shaking off the effects of being born into - related by an accident of birth - to the monstrosities in your family.

@thebackstreetphilosopher9587 3 года назад

Unfortunately, even after the parents are dead, the golden children will perpetuate the abuse of the scapegoat child. They will turn as many people in the family against them as they can. You will always be the low person on the totem pole. Have as little to no contact with them as possible because there’s often no hope for them to become aware and be decent human beings.

@phionex54 3 года назад

My little sister is a G.C and we have a beautiful relationship. I nurtured it from her birth I was lucky, but you can forge a bond. The key is to try only so much. Maybe I was just blessed!

@leahflower9924 2 года назад

the golden child is just so annoying sometimes i want to cringe i guess i should feel for them though its not their fault

@RoyalMetal9 2 года назад

Facts

@peacefulguy4145 2 года назад

Wow, sadly so true

@christiane5439 2 года назад

In our family the narcissistic parent has lost. The "golden child" made me (the "scapegoat") the godmother of his first born, we are face timing pretty much every week. He's always been aware her behaviour was toxic, even as a child, he asked her "Do you even love my brother and sisters?" When she pretended it was a yes he replied "Then why do I never hear you say that to them?".

@emocean582 3 года назад

Youngest and scapegoat. It is definetly the sense of character and NOT birthorder.

@hissyfitz7890 3 года назад

Excellent point!

@TinaLouise73 3 года назад

nasty narcs on both adoptive and bios! how could ANYONE be so UNLUCKY! just my luck!

@ytb8361 3 года назад

@@TinaLouise73 💔 I wish you the best ❤️

@hissyfitz7890 3 года назад

@@TinaLouise73 - I try to look at it as an evolutionary continuum; centuries passed before the wheel was invented & centuries more before the automobile. Imho we are just beginning to embrace a new Age of Enlightenment which has its varying degrees of exposure & understanding. May our journey arrive sooner rather than later. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

@theresefournier3269 3 года назад

@@hissyfitz7890 YAHsome!

@jefftothefree 3 года назад

I become less suicidal of my past every time I hear your videos! Everything is finally making sense and it’s shocking and crazy altogether!

@christar9527 3 года назад

That’s great that she’s helped you overcome thoughts about suicide. I was suicidal for most of my life until learning about narcissism in families and elsewhere. Thank God for the internet huh?

@BlackJim 3 года назад

I feel you brother! Great work

@hissyfitz7890 3 года назад

😢😢😢 So sorry you have been through that yet relieved you are finding your power! 💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾

@Rohityourface 3 года назад

Yess i agree. We are in this together soldier. Stay strong❤️

@theresefournier3269 3 года назад

@@Rohityourface ... as "one"!

@lindsayjackson9298 3 года назад

I was too fat, to sensitive, was told no one really liked me and if I cried, I was told I was faking. This video was eye opening.

@deannahudson6873 3 года назад

I was to skinny...picked on my entire life by my mom, and everyone else in the family growing up...than would get bullied at school...of course my mom condemned me for everything...

@leahflower9924 2 года назад

i know how it feels i was smart and i liked to learn but i felt like a leper so i skipped school and hid at my friend's house i almost failed high school

@elvenleaf5589 2 года назад

Same

@carfincap 2 года назад

The “your so sensitive!“ comment one was so mean. Because when we were hurting or crying it was our body being like sh- I can’t hold this in. And those tears made then bully us to the point where we had to. Like thanks mom and dad.

@jimmyknight1609 2 года назад

Guys , I just wanted to say to all of you, that you guys didn't deserve what you went through, and I feel for you that you even went through what you did! Hang in there Guys, every one of you are special, that's the truth , don't ever believe someone qhen they speak negative things about you! Every person and every life is unique, and amazing!

@theresawilson4550 3 года назад

I am family scapegoat. I was truth/ secret teller. I was "crazy". Yes. My mom still puts us up against each other.

@AZDC99 Год назад

Fellow scapegoat here at the age of 49. I no longer talk to my 3 siblings. (Though I slipped and called my older sister today)

@waskelweewabbit1453 Год назад

On my 35th birthday, my narcissistic mother tried to do this with my husband and I, while visiting. I put my son in the car, told my husband we're leaving, and told her that this was the last time she'll ever see me again. I was done.

@lisabowden402 8 месяцев назад

Same here. Loves to say I’m crazy!

@melmeyer0 2 года назад

A survivor here. I finally cut ties with all my family but to get here they tried to completely destroy me. Glad to be out and building my life at 30. Thank you for your content. It’s so important for me and I’m sure to others in these situations. Much love and please for anyone reading, be strong!

@jaybirddee3790 3 года назад

I never trusted my family not to read a journal/diary, so I didn’t allow myself to keep one. There were no boundaries or privacy. I knew in the marrow of my bones that what happened to Lisa would’ve happened to me. When I read about this incident in “The Road Back to Me” my blood ran cold. Reading about what happened to Lisa and how they vilified her as a “psycho” when she snatched her diary out of her mother’s hands was so familiar. One just can’t win in a situation like this. I cannot believe I survived in such an airless container. To this day I have an issue with journaling/writing.

@jkstelling 3 года назад

I understand that well. I’ve struggled to journal too and until just now, I didn’t realize my mother’s invasion of my privacy probably affected my comfort and confidence with writing for myself. Fortunately blogging has helped me regain some confidence... I choose who gets to see it. Still, sometimes I feel the only “safe” place is on paper. I hope you can find your way to feeling comfortable expressing yourself again. It’s empowering to realize how much you have to offer the world because of all your experiences. They make us who we are, and we can be stronger and more capable of helping others because of them. ✌🏼💗

@lelev.5758 3 года назад

Same here. When i write down my feelings or the like, i always rip the page afterwards so that nobody can find it and read it.

@Mindy-r2s 3 года назад

@@lelev.5758 Same, although I put mine in the shredder.

@cindy7733 3 года назад

I hear you. There is zero privacy or respect for boundaries. I actually am embarrassed to say that I had to temporarily move back in with my narc abusing mother recently. What I've been doing is journaling on my computer. There's NO WAY I would write anything down on paper now. However, since I"m trying to gather my things from her house, I came across all of my old journals that I stored in the basement. OMG. I have a box filled with them and every one that I have read so far has proven to me that I was always treated like crap. It's proof that these toxic people never change. I'm so glad I wrote in those journals but I don't blame you one bit for never having written in one. Narcs are sick and twisted.

@stephr9859 3 года назад

My mom took my diary too. It’s no wonder that I married someone who tried to define my reality for me as well.

@derekah.3359 3 года назад

I am the scapegoat or black sheep of my family. Sometimes I feel like the most hated, rejected person of my family. Let me tell you something: being outspoken, living by TRUTH and Morals now gives me a title of one of the most honored women in my family. THEY KNOW they cant control & manipulate me. I sought Inspiration while being in isolation. My elders come and seek me for wise counsel. My narcissists family does not like me, they never will and it is okay. I am a FEARED woman because I kick butt but with the WORD of TRUTH. I tell it like it is and dont hold back. Narcissists are like roaches that roam the dark! Cut the light on and watch them scatter because they dont like the light.

@vibrantspirit5403 3 года назад

🎯

@Miss-D-My 2 года назад

🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯

@helen9412 Год назад

Wow you said a word!!!👏🏾👏🏾

@Sunshinebabie4life Год назад

omg.. so true!

@jamigiuffre2978 Год назад

I'm so happy to hear some of these terrible people DO LOSE in the end.

@laurenbrogan5440 3 года назад

I am the scapegoat and I am done holding back my truth. Coming out of denial and reliving this is living a nightmare. But enough is enough!

@jonellis6235 Год назад

Sounds like you’re healing 😊!!

@Mindy-r2s 3 года назад

Six decades later and I finally am accepting my mother always hated me. I am strong willed and an empath just like you. She told me I was born noisy and wanted to throw me out the front door in my bassinet. She hated me from the onset.

@anneeejit6751 3 года назад

Me too.

@Mindy-r2s 2 года назад

@Andrea DiBella Thank you! I'm sorry you had to experience this same pain. Wishing you light and blessings in the New Year!

@leahflower9924 2 года назад

my mom and dad were both actors and it was weird they were never really that mean but i felt like they would turn on me and with neighbors they were so kind so suburban i was like is this the Twilight Zone?

@gypsyknight6076 2 года назад

Exactly

@peacefulguy4145 2 года назад

I'm so sorry to hear that, I hope you know we all loved you always

@nancyhjort5348 2 года назад

I recall a coworker RN made the comment, "Why is it that it is the nice people get cancer?" It is highly stressful to live in chaos, to be silenced, given a derogatory nickname, told "no" when asking for something...the best thing that ever happened to me is when I left my abusive, narcissistic husband, my entire family of origin completely disowned me. When I was diagnosed with cancer they didn't even call me. If someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM THE FIRST TIME. I began to find my child and my wounds, and my freedom, and my adulthood. Great teaching. Thank you.

@Angela-ph1ik 17 дней назад

I can relate. To this cancer and lot more

@BronwynneBessette-v7s 2 дня назад

Gabor Maté discussed how “nice” people get cancers & other awful maladies.

@MiladyMetalhead 2 года назад

Isn't it weird how our parents and family can do so much damage but WE are the ones that have to be the ones to forgive, repair, rebuild, change their bad parenting, reparent ourselves and if we speak up or react and get angry...WE ARE dubbed the bad ones. How dare we not just hush up and move along and heal already. Anyone else tired of all of the blame and responsibility? I'm living my parents' consequences and the fallout is hell...for ME. They have nothing to worry about have no guilt no shame nothing. They also get all the friends and family believing it's us that are the troublemakers. My mother tells me, I need help". So yes, yes, I'm very angry and feel letdown by God and betrayed by my family and I'm happy for others they have a family but hate they have no empathy because of it. 🤬🔥

@lindarose3547 Год назад

Look at yourselves! You are beautiful, empathetic women that was the problem all along. You possessed qualities they didn't. That's why we were bullied because we are fair and just people. Let that be the mantra to set you free. Free from the grip and lies of Satan. I love you all and I wish you all the confidence. In the name of Jesus. The reason we are all her despite the adversity. Be strong my sisters. ❤

@BAfan2024-n5n Год назад

"WE are the ones that have to be the ones to forgive, repair, rebuild, change their bad parenting, reparent ourselves and if we speak up or react and get angry...WE ARE dubbed the bad ones." Amen. Very true.

@TheLordsbattleaxe Год назад

I felt letdown by God as well.

@choc_pretzel8324 3 года назад

When your depression resets daily, but you have Lisa on Saturdays (UK) and you instantly feel cured and sane again!

@hissyfitz7890 3 года назад

Sometimes the depression gets worse when we become aware of just how awful our upbringing actually was; we thought it was ‘normal’ for so long. A lot to process & grieve; taking breaks from ALL OF IT helps sometimes. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

@phoenixkali 3 года назад

My mum described her relationship with me as "frought" to her counsellor. The only thing she found frought was that I'd call her out on her bs and gaslighting while golden child bro and dad fawned over her every word, yet secretly seethed with her put-downs. Yet she was also in awe how I thrived on my own despite many setbacks in life. I thrived when I stopped listening to her "advice".

@kathrynheitmann5534 2 года назад

I'm sorry that happened that it was unfair we don't know each other my paternal granny made my life terrible I went back to church I'm presbyterian I bet you were hurting very angry with her at times or always I'll pray for you even if you don't like presbyterians

@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 2 года назад

Put downs I realize my mother was passive aggressive to me all the time growing up

@tinaknutsen Год назад

One thing to realize is when you have a sick family; for example one golden child and one scapegoat-that is either of their faults. It is the parents fault for putting those positions on their kids. Whole family and intervention is needed but only helps if each person is accountable for their own actions and each person works on self compassion which is unlikely with narcissistic personality as they don’t take accountability well, they choose to blame everyone else for their shortcomings. They don’t even see their shortcomings. It should never be about taking “sides” it should be about working as a team. It should be about solutions instead of sabotaging. It should be living in the present instead of the past being brought up in every conversation. Sometimes the only way to get rid of the pain is to start a new life with positive people. The thing I find so sad that children that have been raised by narcissistic parents don’t understand or truly know what empathy is because the parents don’t have any empathy. They find it hard to place themselves in someone’s else’s shoes. You may get the “poor you” sympathy but never really CARE about you. In a healthy family the care and respect is mutual; it’s a team that works together for the greater good. My two cents

@iloveFreedom. Год назад

@@tinaknutsenI've always been an empath, with an alcy dad and a psychologically wounded, manipulative gossiping mother, both are lovely people who just cannot see what they do, they have been so brainwashed by hyacynth bucket mentality and the tv, it's impossible to converse with them, unless I use a fake watch my back polite extremely jolly tone whatever's going on , which has been impossible to carry on these days 😂 if I am to remember any sense of dignity or self worth, I Must empathise! and have compassion for the pain of suppression they are in, and the prison bubble of no awareness! It separates them from so much of Life! That they could be experiencing! though an enduring wish to gather the whole family together as often as they can....i have to tap into the joker, and leave as soon as possible ...only way I've found, to keep contact with my nieces ...and yknow what, the whole planet is full of children, brothers, mums, Uncles and grand parents ...we attract what we need at the time ❤ do I learn duty and control, or Love . Total Freedom, I cannot do it any other way ...they are in my life and love must be unfettered on every level inc raw honesty, if it takes me to learn a sensitive mastery of expression through theatre, song, dance and drum, then so be it , I will !

@christar9527 Год назад

“Advice “ was really bad, huh? I have to say that the worst advice I ever got was from my mother. Then, later in life when I was in my 50’s she said that I did everything wrong (which wasn’t true). Between her and my malignant narcissist father I didn’t stand a chance.

@anniegabricht9506 3 года назад

This is precisely my family dynamic my entire life! OMG I feel like I’m hearing myself speak, Lisa!!! 😔 It brings me such comfort to know I’m not alone in living this HELL.... You show me that there is still hope. Thank you so much!!! 🙏

@disappearingremedy7400 3 года назад

Well said. It resonates also here.

@theresefournier3269 3 года назад

We truly are one!

@cindy7733 3 года назад

@@theresefournier3269 Agree 100%!!

@sandyshirley5079 2 года назад

I lived that, too! My younger sisters are narcissists as well. Now the sisters are turning against each other, since Mom is dead, Dad is dead, and they gaslighted Dad into taking me out of the Will and not speaking to me until his death, five years after Mom’s. All the relatives believed the sisters so I lost all of them.

@sandyshirley5079 2 года назад

I was in the same situation as Lisa, with the exception that my mother and I were abused and targeted. We look just alike and we’re fiercely protective of younger sisters. They look and act like my father.

@janl.8918 3 года назад

You just described my family system!! Alcoholic father and enabling (immature) mother who pit my sisters against me since childhood. My sisters are just like her, narcissistic and pit the grand kids against me! This is still going on and Im in my 50's-I moved on finally...I live my life now free from the dysfunctional chaotic mess. I have removed myself from them and see them when I feel like it not when they feel like having me. I am the only one that accepts the TRUTH- recognize the abuse, dysfunction and chaos

@carfincap 2 года назад

Yup

@AZDC99 Год назад

Nothing like the absolute hell of family triangulation going into your late 40s like I go through. I live 2300 miles away for decades from those monsters

@AZDC99 Год назад

@Ana Save your money. "Slow and steady wins the race." If I could do it, anyone can!

@emocean582 3 года назад

The "monsters" thing though...I can't imagine and those poor grandkids already being labeled by a heirarcal system, cry/rage worthy. I have been the "weird" one. Now I am embracing it, lets me be FREE.

@theresefournier3269 3 года назад

Brava! Agape...

@cindy7733 3 года назад

me too! in fact, just last week my twin sister (another major narc) told my mom on speaker phone in a gossipy tone that I was "sooo weeeird." Whatever! Bring it on! It's their loss. I'm over being treated like garbage. Praying I find a job that will cover rent. As soon as I do, I"m out the door so fast!

@embracedchimera5886 3 года назад

i have a nephew only 9 years old who is a rageaholic. but no one can admit that either he or them have any problem at all. so i moved in with them a little while and it was all my fault! (I am an adult now but i was the family scapegoat and they dragged me right back to that role after 25 years away! it was like time stood still for them but I had moved on. they couldnt accept that. they LOVED bringing me right back to that. I am 47 years old lol. they tried to treat me like a teen who never left.

@leahflower9924 2 года назад

my family is from New York the city and long island and they are a rough bunch too lol saying your little monsters can sometimes even be "oh i was just joking hun"

@Angela-ph1ik 17 дней назад

Be weird or be square lol. Remember weird science movie

@theresamckeown8260 3 года назад

OMG, the "extra cleaning" whenever there was severe abuse ---so true!

@lynchmary3831 Год назад

The golden child told me I was always "starting trouble". I thought she was cowardly at the time. I now know she was playing part she was trained for.

@ChosenOne1967 6 месяцев назад

Luke 12:52 (NLT) From now on families will be split apart, three in favor of me, and two against-or two in favor and three against.

@pavla2055 3 года назад

Much of your truth was exactly what went on in my house as a kid . My parents' faces were always contorted into rage like gargoyles most of the time . They only seemed to take any pleasure in other's misfortune - lots of denigration of the neighbours and relatives that teach a kid that nobody else is any good or safe to be around . My C narc mother put a lot of time and effort in triangulating relationships between the siblings also . These people are best left in the dust .

@abbykendrick5748 3 года назад

All my memories of my mother’s face are that it was scowling and twisted in anger ., still like that. I won’t be around it anymore.

@christar9527 Год назад

Sounds like my parents. Always ready for a fight and a chance to get angry. They said they trusted no one.

@cooloften 3 года назад

A sick world creates sick people, unfortunately. Thanks for sharing your story. It gives hope to those who never gave up...

@leahflower9924 2 года назад

@@TressaArasheben a few are evil like psychopaths, but most are closer to what we would call "sick" believe it or not, the ego is a powerful thing and most people that seem evil actually have fragile egos and protect them at all costs its like drugs become the most important to addicts the ego is number one for narcissists

@leahflower9924 2 года назад

@@TressaArasheben trust most of us arent excusing their behavior its the narcissistic type people that excuse this

@leahflower9924 2 года назад

@@TressaArasheben yeah but narcissists always have excuses not just with others but with themselves it is probably the hardest disorder to get rid of

@hissyfitz7890 3 года назад

Parents that have to put their children down (give digs) to make themselves feel superior are the worst. It’s been part of the transgenerational dysfunction in many families. Totally identify with your experience; add sexual abuse from these family members & the cognitive dissonance increases exponentially. I too had that moral compass; am the ONLY ONE with it to this day at almost 70 years of age although one sister PRETENDS to be MORALLY SUPERIOR. IMHO she is the epitome of covert narcissism and continues to have the temper tantrums of a 3 year old when her hypocrisy is addressed in an honest non threatening manner. These siblings COMPLETELY LACK ANY INSIGHT into their behaviors & how they INFECTED their own children. Essentially went no NO CONTACT decades ago with occasional dips into the pool to see if anyone learned to swim… not even a dog paddle. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ HONOR YOURSELF ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

@deannahudson6873 3 года назад

So true...

@leahflower9924 2 года назад

yeah because they are bullies and then get bullied at school where do you even turn

@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 2 года назад

Recently was talking to my sister and said something that she agreed about but she got mean and nasty as a response. I asked her why was she talking like that to me and she acted like she wasn’t being rude………whatever

@hissyfitz7890 2 года назад

@@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 - Denial is their #1 defense mechanism.

@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 2 года назад

@@hissyfitz7890 just bizarre. She needs a kidney transplant and my mom is trying to guilt me into giving her one of mine…..nope I have my own health and children to take care of.

@catewalton6204 3 года назад

Yes, that acting like nothings happened is so bizarre. Yes punishment if you speak up. Ugh..

@SN-bl6xm Год назад

My mother always acts like nothing happened. And dare someone wants to talk about what happened, she then punishes you with smear campaigns and telling everyone to ghost you. It really is bizarre! But everyone outside of the family thinks my mother is such a lovely, nice lady. 😬

@Griffnstuff 3 года назад

Scapegoated all of the time. In middle of settling one parent's estate, and sibling is perfect and has the Grandchildren. I'm the infertile troubled one in their eyes. In 40's and get bullied by sibling and parent always sides with her. So over it😔 Oh, how awful about your journals, so painful!

@jkstelling 3 года назад

You sound like me. I hope things improve for you. ❤️

@phoenixkali 3 года назад

So relate right now! My bro is contentious with settling mum's estate cos he wants me to hand over my half of house to him and I can't! Court order says I have to pay taxes on it.

@brida5923 2 года назад

Same here. My mother has gotten worse, if that’s possible. No kids here and she is so mean to me when no one is listening

@Hawaiiansky11 2 года назад

When I went to college I majored in ••psychology •• big surprise. I came home and posted a “manifesto” about us being a dysfunctional family. It was immediately torn down and I was told that “psychology doesn’t exist” and that I would be a piss poor therapist. My mother said through clenched teeth, “We’re a happy family, damn it!” Now at age 52, I am finally choosing my family and it has NOTHING to do with biology.

@SN-bl6xm Год назад

I’m 46 and went no contact with my family, moved to a different continent and also had to go no contact with all of my friends and relatives because my family manipulated them. It’s just me and my cat. I know I need to find a new ‘family’, but I don’t feel like socializing anymore after all the abuse. I hope one day I will be able to choose my new family.

@BronwynneBessette-v7s 2 дня назад

I also moved to another continent to escape them. I sure would like to know another person who took that bull by the horns and meant business about getting away. It’s just me and my pets. Literally. And that’s just fine. At least I’m alive; there were a couple of times I felt the pain was too much. But I’m over those thoughts. My dream was simply to escape them. Anything else is just gravy.

@BD638 Год назад

Every narc family has a scapegoat. Every mistake they make is amplified and every mistake someone else makes is also made their fault.

@SydMountaineer 3 года назад

I've been living with this my entire life, and the older I get, the worse it affects me. I have made the mistake, as many people do, where I want to believe my parent is a reasonable adult so badly, and I want my parent in my life so badly, that I keep putting myself in unsafe and stressful situations. Even though I have learned thousands of times over the past 50 years that I cannot prevent abuse not (no matter how nice I am and no matter how much I keep on guard to appease her emotions & needs), I still don't learn, and think that it MIGHT be okay for a short visit, then it happens AGAIN. Even though I know better, I still cling to keeping my mom in my life, and I pay for it BIG TIME. Then, after she verbally & emotionally abuses me and causes other problems for me over nothing, I am physically and mentally ill for days afterwards. Plus, after these incidents happen, I worry about what she is going to tell the rest of the family members, and I know I shouldn't care, but I DO, because I really hate when people believe ridiculous stories about me. I guess it bothers me more now because I'm older, and family means more to me now more than ever, especially because my mom has caused all of our close family members to be at odds with each other, none of us are close anymore, and it's a very lonely feeling, much more so now than when I was younger.

@emmagladstone573 3 года назад

So sorry to hear of what you’ve endured. You need to walk away. Create your own new family or tribe of friends of people who love and respect you. Put your efforts into this instead of your birth family. It’s hard. It takes time and you’ll probably need a good therapist (or two). But in the long run you’ll be so much better off. You didn’t choose these patents but you can find an effective parent figure and learn to re-parent yourself. I walked away from my parents for 10 years. Best thing I ever did. After heaps of therapy, I now only see them on my terms. Now, if they behave in unacceptable ways, I get up and leave. They are then required to apologise before I will engage with them again. This can take days or months but they now know I’m serious about no contact, they eventually capitulate. I also refuse to enter bitchy or stressful discussions with them. I simply say, “I don’t want to discuss this with you.” If it continues, just like toddlers, I give them a warning that I’ll leave. And if they keep going, I follow through and leave. If you can leave before you’re upset, it’s even better for you. You’ll probably get the “Oh, that’s right just walk away again,” routine. But that’s ok. In fact that’s what my response to that challenge is. I just say “OK” and leave. Best of luck. You don’t deserve to be dragged down by them. Leave them in their own mess. You don’t help you or them by putting up with their shyte. ❤️

@The.Indian.Goddess 3 года назад

You are not alone its the same for me except i am no longer co dependent but i have to pretend with them ...until i can leave the country for good ...i cant wait ...i just decided i am not going to take their crap anymore and grey rock them

@Katiegirlluv 2 года назад

So sorry

@The.Indian.Goddess 2 года назад

Dear you are not alone i have a whole family and community that trafficked me ...

@rubberbiscuit99 8 дней назад

Family members support each other. These may be your relatives, but they are not your family.

@barbaraschultz1442 2 года назад

I didn’t realize that I was the scapegoat until I heard this! I was definitely the why child. The justice and truth seeker as a child. I challenged the system! I was the recipient of “who do you think you are”?

@reesedaniel5835 10 месяцев назад

Same thing the narc pharisees said to Jesus when He was a boy and young man.

@annia474 Год назад

I am the scapegoat, I was the one who took care of my gran, because they were to lazy, I lost my child to my narcissist mother, but, I am breaking free and started working again 7 years ago, after therapy, thank you for all the insights, I am still waking up

@abbykendrick5748 3 года назад

I love this.. this is saving me. My covert mother always gets angry, shames, punishes for trying to discuss a problem.

@kathrynheitmann5534 2 года назад

I'm sorry is there any way you could check into a half way house or live with another adult do you have an audio recorder record the exchange you know what makes her angry she'll go for that a few times then you have evidence of abuse so judge could send you to a half way house or foster care if you are old enough leave your state switch mobile numbers forget her mostly

@nikkiona 3 года назад

Wow, this really resonated with me. My mother also read my diary out loud to my sibling, step-dad and some contractors. I still remember her glee. It was horrifying. Thank you for posting this video. It was very helpful

@katyjean862 Год назад

So sorry that happened to you, honey. 🕯️

@carly582 Год назад

I've left my journals at My mums place. I know she reads them, and I hope she reads them so she knows just how lowly I think of her. She can't hurt me now.

@debral9651 Год назад

@carly582 😂 my sister used to do this when we were younger. All through her diary was . I hate my family etc. I just simply didn't have a diary. The one time I did, my sister read it and mocked me. I decided never again

@izawaniek2568 3 года назад

The narcisist is addicted to the ego so they will never have an ego death so it is best to detach and recognise what you can not control . We have no right to try to change anybody. Awareness what we are dealing with is empowering. Thank you Lisa for sharing your experiences with us. I can relate to so many myself. I am so glad I have found you!

@JacobPAus 2 года назад

My family is exactly like this. Punishing me for opening my mouth. Once I fully realized how dysfunctional and evil my family really is, that's when I fully cut them off. It's sad how incredibly normal this is

@sunnyk1813 3 года назад

I am sitting hear, listening to you. I have never been able to understand my childhood. Never been able to put in words. Lisa, you have put my life story into words in this video, almost right down to every detail. My older brother was the Golden boy. I was the scape goat, and my younger brother was just Invisible and afraid of everything. I wish I had understood this evil phenomenon years ago, or if someone could Identified this in my family and called them out, rather than ignoring it.

@lelev.5758 3 года назад

I can relate to so much of what you are saying as the scapegoat daughter myself. Also, my covert narcissist mother cussed out my dad when he got dementia and had accidents, he died within months of that horrible period. I do believe his body shut down because of her. Whats sick is how she tried to make us believe he was the problem in their marriage and that she was the poor victim. It wasen't until after he passed that i began learning about narcissism and connected the dots. I hope my dad can find peace by knowing that someone has figured out that devilish woman.

@sammyd66 2 года назад

This is such an insightful video. Thanks so much for sharing this information Lisa. I am the truth teller in my "ex-family". Growing up, I used survival techniques which I realize now, were extremely damaging to myself and my peace. I am so grateful to be married to a man who has helped me to see the trauma based behavior I tolerated for years. Like you Lisa, I was routinely violated and insulted by my Narc mother and then later she would call or turn up unannounced as if nothing had happened, I used to go along with this behavior to avoid further stress (not realizing it was destroying me). My husband encouraged me to hold her to account the next time she called. I did and... WELL SHE WENT OFF!!! Ever since I stood up to her she has been on a mission to totally destroy me and she called my husband every name under the sun because we stand up to her. Today, I am now experiencing her and my siblings (her flying monkeys) as they are trying to defraud me out of my share of a property which has been sold. They are trying to swindle me out of my share of the property even though I am also named on the deeds. The hatred I am receiving from my own birth mother is huge. She has triangulated me and my siblings. She has destroyed my reputation with family and friends and I am so over all of them that I do not consider them my family anymore. Since I refused to "go along with the program" it has been the most freeing thing in the world. whether they succeed in swindling me or not, having them out of my life is the most important thing. Peace cannot not be bought for all the money in the world. Thanks again for this video.

@thenorthface4 3 года назад

I am the scapegoat and noticed when I called out the parent at the root of the family drama, I was met with “I’m your parent, I can’t believe you talk like that”.

@carfincap 2 года назад

The things you say to me! I can hear my mom. Classic deflection.

@ChosenOne1967 6 месяцев назад

Matthew 10:34-39 NKJV “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.

@BronwynneBessette-v7s 2 дня назад

If I had ever vocalized something like that I would’ve been beaten within an inch of my life. Can’t even imagine that.

@andrewmarshall9511 3 года назад

Exactly, you are repeating my life to the T. I did get very sick, I had a total mental breakdown at age 42. Im 55 now and it literally took me 12 years recovering & work out whats going on. Ive went from one Narc to the Next in my personal life...It was a disastrous..Academic Psychiatrist Psychologist are hopeless...One diagnosed me borderline...what a joke. The Narcs never get diagnosed anything bc they cant admit or take responsibility for ANYTHING EVER...And I end up branded with their mental problems... They are wreckers of other ppls lives mainly bc they cannot get honest, even for tiny little things that dont matter......They think their so smart to, when in reality they are silly immature liars. My Narcissistic Mother & her Golden Child Daughter have blamed, ignored, Gaslighted, lied to me all my life. Im the youngest only boy. They have branded me EVERYTHING THEY ARE. They hate me happy, healthy Ive noticed too. When I started to get well again they ramped up the blame games fighting and ignoring...I stopped talking to them..Its too stressful dealing with them. Trng to work things out is impossible.. Problem is my mother has hundreds of thousands of $ $ my money, I put so much money into property & years of work ( Im a builder) She is plotting to rip me off...I know what she is doing.... So the fights not over...she wont stop, in life or death it seems..

@dagazinfinity4393 3 года назад

Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and wisdom. My family dynamics was the same...How come all the enablers prefer to stick with such a mean, narcissistic tyrant instead of fighting for the fair treatment....that I cannot understand....

@vibrantspirit5403 3 года назад

They are all cowards.

@christar9527 Год назад

@@vibrantspirit5403Yes they are and a lot of the time they’re narcissistic themselves. I found that they all joined in with the scapegoating.

@Angela-ph1ik 11 месяцев назад

They follow the supply and money honey

@Dana-oi6bj 3 года назад

I would say you can be both the so- called, " Golden child" AND the " scape-goated child". When you refuse to go along with the altered reality and refuse to sweep all the dysfunction under the rug, then you become the odd man out.

@christyt3949 3 года назад

Your parents sound exactly like mine. I escaped over 40 years ago, but there is no total escape.

@michaelglinsky2614 2 года назад

What do you mean by “there is no total escape”?

@mollyb1983 2 года назад

@@michaelglinsky2614 you’re always loving through the trauma.

@ProudEve1 2 года назад

@@mollyb1983 you mean living or loving??

@warriormom5843 2 года назад

AMEN TO EVERY LAST WORD HERE, LISA!! It is a CULT, and you must self-actualize and get the F OUT ASAP!! 💪💪💪💪

@Matilda-re1wm 3 года назад

I can so relate to you Lisa. I am so grateful for people like you speaking out on this. You bring healing through sharing your experiences. Thank you for all you do. My mother was the exact same. It was all about appearances. She also did the same thing with my diary.

@julianymerejo7673 3 года назад

This is exactly my family. I’m the scapegoat and I still am as a 35 year old women. My anxiety is through the roof when I see my family. I don’t even last hour. I need to take your class. I also keep attracting Narcissistic older man as romantic partners. I feel so many segments of my life are a glare of agony. I’m the one calling the injustice.

@robdog4095 2 года назад

Oh my god. That rage attack from a narcissistic mother and then the next day or so "hey how are you pet?" really is very accurate

@damithwarnasuriya4137 2 года назад

Thank you for this video because I’m an only child suffering from this type of household. I’ve felt alone, isolated and misunderstood for a very long time where people thought I was crazy for saying anything bad about my parents or even thinking they’re out of control. I’ve escaped through movies, video games and television to help me pass the days when stuck at home with a struggled sense of belonging. I felt robbed of a childhood. The way you described the narcissistic father and emotional immature mother is exactly how my parents. I’ve tried running away from home but my parents found my address and also filed a fake missing person where the cops came to my door. They’re very manipulative and know how rile my emotions. My parents always found a way for me to stay dependent on them which they’ve found ways to bait my freedom as incentive to comply to their ridiculous rules when I’m trying to get rid of them both for good. They’ve also been sabotaging me where I can’t keep a job for too long and I felt like I was setup to fail from the beginning. I’m an actor (which by this craziness is perfect for my craft but at the rate I’m going, I will a full on schizophrenic) that’s trying to break out of this mental prison they’ve imprisoned me in. I’m looking for peace but my days keep getting hopeless each day. I know my recovery won’t start until they’re out of my life for good which is sad because I never had real parents but people who only cared about their image to their family. Thank you again for this video because I don’t feel as alone anymore knowing that there are other people who may be suffering as well!

@elvenleaf5589 2 года назад

Wow... That's my life I used to escape through movies too and dreaming about a good family

@Handbagqueen23 3 года назад

I’m autistic and you just really explained the dynamic in my family thank you I am the adult child that would often not see what the game is, stuff like this was too hard to understand

@ginaeboldt5107 2 года назад

Omg I’m so happy you mentioned animals. My parents abused mine when I was little and I always have to remind my self I was a child. Now the animals mean everything to me. Thank you Lisa. ❤

@sactownsluckylady 3 года назад

I literally just said I was the one who didn’t want to play the game because I wanted to be honest and you just said those exact words. Being raised by an alcoholic bipolar mother when she was an active addiction was heartbreaking. However I made a different choice I chose sobriety and recovery and I’m teaching my children a different way to live thank you for all that you do for us.

@hissyfitz7890 3 года назад

Congratulations 🍾🎊🎉🎈 to YOU for choosing the conscious path; the world will benefit from the enlightenment you bestow upon your children! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 2 года назад

Breaking the cycle

@Heidi1466 3 года назад

I feel with you! Our parents should be in jail. Thank you 🙏

@lauragadille3384 3 года назад

And that's why I don't journal even though I'm alone in my house as an adult.

@alexandriascott4656 3 года назад

Truth 💯! Your situation sounds exactly like mine Lisa. I was the scapegoat, my sociopathic narcissistic mother is so emotionally immature and toxic, she triangulated my younger brother against me. It’s so sad and wrong, my mother is so destructive all she does is punish you and stay mad at you forever for the smallest mistakes. Ya my mother didn’t like that I stood up for myself, she refuses to take any accountability and responsibility for what she’s done. She doesn’t want to go to therapy so instead shows isolated and barred me for about 13 years from the other family members with her twisted lies about me.

@SN-bl6xm Год назад

I’m sorry you have to go through this. This sounds very similar to what I am going through with my evil mother. Both of my siblings went no contact with me because our mother wants that. Because I am the truth teller and I stood up for myself. So therefore I’m the bad one and my entire family and relatives were lied at about me and all went no contact with me. It’s sad. But I’m better off without the toxic narcissist family cult.

@marilynlarry6182 3 года назад

I have tried to explain this triangulation to others. My children don't get along because their dad played them against each other. The oldest gets it but the youngest doesn't see how he's manipulated. Hopefully one day that will change.

@SarahElise-so3sy 2 года назад

I've only just started to realise that I've been the scapegoat my entire life, it's all starting to make sense and explains my trauma and why I've been suicidal. My mum has had me under her thumb this whole time.. it's scary. It's also reassuring and very comforting to know I'm not alone. Gonna have to start making some big changes.

@katieking9987 3 года назад

So happy I found this video today, I am the scapegoated child aka the black sheep and the problem child. Mo mother has triangulated my brother and sister against me through talking badly about me to them, gaslighting me and telling them lies and hiding the truth about a relationship I recently escaped that was abusive on EVERY level. She has made my recovery from the abuse so difficult and stopped me from getting support from my siblings - it's been hell living amongst such toxicity and dysfunction it overwhelms me emotionally because I cannot bear the lies and cannot trust her. Knowing other people also have these narcissistic parents/families is a great comfort that I am not alone with this. Sending love to my fellow scapegoats xx

@LadyQInspires Год назад

My mother did the same exact thing I never knew I was raised by someone like this until I left

@BronwynneBessette-v7s 2 дня назад

Oh, Lisa. I ‘ve listened this 3X because it makes me feel less lonely & isolated in the miserable pain of these memories & the horror of any human being doing these things to an innocent child. To make them sick for the rest of their lives out of sheer selfishness & bitterness. No one has these insights about this abusiveness as you do. I think I’m about your age. I wish we had lived in the same neighborhood growing up so we could’ve been there for each other in our child way. Trying to stay out of mom’s sight as she hated me being anywhere near her. People just don’t believe that. Thank you. 🥲

@lisaaromano1 2 дня назад

@@BronwynneBessette-v7s I believe you!

@cherylm.6448 3 года назад

I am trying to leave a toxic relationship and your videos are so validating and gave me the strength to take my power back. "The Matrix is inside of us" so true.

@bettyveronica460 3 года назад

Be careful, but know you are enough. You are deserving of a healthy relationship, and happiness...even if that means being alone, if only for a while, to process, and learn what you don't want in the next relationship. 🤗💜

@Deathla 3 года назад

This is SO relevant for me right now.

@TinaLouise73 2 года назад

Behind closed doors the TRUTH always gets revealed!

@mac0219 9 месяцев назад

This is MY EXACT LIFE and I can’t begin to tell you how many therapists I’ve had who just do NOT get it. These videos bring me so much comfort just feeling seen and heard and understood for once

@mariajmc6557 3 года назад

Every time I say no commenting and I am just triggered. Am I speaking or Lisa? Only thank God for a kind brother who got it about 15 years ago and both of us are healing.

@cindy7733 3 года назад

wow! that is a blessing that you and your brother can connect on a deep level and have come to terms with your narcs. my 5 siblings all support her, worship her, and triangulate galore!!!!! She still pins all of the siblings against each other but one thing is for certain, they have all chosen me to be the scapegoat. can't wait to get out of here. never going to look back once i do.

@stephr9859 3 года назад

Awe. I also have a great brother 🥰 good for you two!

@nancyengasser7126 3 года назад

I'm confused. I am a scapegoated child from a wealthy family. I did not call out anything, or challenge them, rather I instinctively gray rocked everything and everyone. Nothing ever pleased my parents, although I tried to be the perfect nice Jewish girl while at the same time trying to be away from home as much as possible. I also hair pulled, and have a bald spot above my left ear to this day. One of the most troubling aspect of that family is how many cousins and others go along with the narcs and enable them. I hate them all and try to keep that in mind while I am no contact.

@stephr9859 3 года назад

I sometimes wonder if some beings develop dementia as a way of energetically checking out when circuits are over loaded and it’s just too much…

@myunpopularopinion4818 Год назад

I was the scapegoat and I developed generalized anxiety disorder. I used to really dislike the golden child because I felt they were spoiled, treated so differently than me and it turned them into a brat. But now I try to get along because I understand it was the parents all along

@teresacurrie1306 3 года назад

Excellent information as always. Figured this out myself and yes the narcissist family paints me as the problem and all I want is to speak the truth. Their heads every single one of them are in the sand. But it’s taught me so much and taught me to stand up for myself with all people in all situations.

@TinaLouise73 3 года назад

Lisa is a shining example of how a MH therapist SHOULD BE! impartial and non-judgemental and not biased bcoz of untrue narratives from corrupted so called "professionals"!

@nuthaluvaholenyohead 2 года назад

Lisa is a beautiful soul x

@TinaLouise73 2 года назад

Omg that is so true I'm going thru that BS right now :(

@TinaLouise73 2 года назад

As in the narc muvva is using MY adult kids as a weapon to get to me! How evil is THAT?!! :(

@Danuta628 3 года назад

Same exact dynamic- except there was no alcoholism with my parents. It was my mother who was and is to this day the bully narcissist. And would put my sister against me. Now I’m 55 and this dynamic is something she is doing with my adult children. My mother always tried to edge me out of my family from my early life. Now that my adult children no longer live with me, and the pandemic keeping us divided prior to being vaccinated was the perfect storm for her to swarm in and do her work. It’s absolutely insane

@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 2 года назад

The vaccine definitely had the narcs showing themselves. My mother then my dad tried four times to get me to take the vaccine. They never asked me why I was not going to get it, they just tried to bully me into getting it. I’m 40…..

@gillybarker3118 3 года назад

So relatable- so much identification. Thank you for shining a light into the darkness. Thank you for affirming the values of emotional honesty, sensitivity, being treated fairly, knowing something is wrong, strong willed, empathetic, compassionate, truth telling, a threat to the system. I did become sick; anxiety, depression, eating disorders, self harming, auto immune conditions; thyroid disease, vitiligo.. I am now in ACA working 12 steps and listening to your talks every day. Thank you 🙏🏼

@kindnessmakesmesmile6583 3 года назад

OMG!!! You’re telling a story I know so well. I wish I had known as a child that I wasn’t the only one in the world living like that. Thank you so very much for sharing your story, Lisa. I watch your videos over and over.

@TRUTHSPEAKER-888 3 года назад

Oldest and scape goat...seems like the emotional and bold ones get the bad wrap

@lovefaith6285 11 месяцев назад

I've been avoiding your videos of childhood traumas of narcissistic parents due to not feeling ready to remember my childhood........and this video brought me to tears listening to you describe your childhood and being bullied in school and how your mother had all these faces. It validated that I knew as a child that something was wrong in my family. I'm 50 and I've isolated myself from relationships because of trust issues and have distanced myself from my siblings and parents, mainly my mom. Growing up my dad protected me from my mom's anger and rage. When he left to work out of town, sometimes for 2 weeks, my mom would resume with the physical, emotional and mental abuse. I hated whenever he had to leave because she would tell me, "You're gonna get it when you're father leaves. You just wait and see." I also would count to soothe myself and find myself doing that still at times. I also had an eating disorder and over exercised when I was younger. I wasn't allowed to have friends or go anywhere and I stayed in my room and did art and listened to music. It was how I escaped my nightmare and also fantasized of my future. I saw marriage and children as a kind to prison, tying me down, so that was something I never wanted and why I'm still single with no children. I have no regrets about that decision and have turned down many proposals, some from very wealthy men. I recognize I have commitment issues and the thought of marriage gives me anxiety. I really so value my solitude because I am safe and at peace with my little dogs. I've come to recognize the patterns in my friendships and romantic relationships and have a very few friends that I feel safe with and don't have the need of needing/wanting to have someone around. This video has made me see that I need to do so much work on my inner child as I'm in tears sharing this. Thank you Lisa for all that you're doing for us. ✌💜🐐

@paulapoetry 3 года назад

Yes, relate. The one who challenges the system becomes the Scapegoat (me, in the case of my own family). I've always felt the way the way the boy in The Emperor's New Clothes might have if, instead of laughing along with him, the crowd had turned on and blamed the child, and vehemently denied that the Emperor was walking around naked.

@areuarealman7269 Год назад

Yes it's like your past is irrelevant if it's uncomfortable for other people bizarre.

@Zwei-Rosen 10 месяцев назад

When I was 9 y.o., my single dad married again- an amazing woman from overseas. I adored her from the moment we met. She made every effort to learn German and to manage the household including learning to cook German food. My grandma in her position as house dragon berated and humiliated her in front of us kids for the tiniest mistake. My dad always chickened out, whatever his mother did. Once I couldn't remain silent and snapped at grandma: "Grandma, that's not what F. came from overseas, that you are treating her nasty like that." Knowing her, I was aware that this would come at a cost in advance. She took off her slipper and hit me with it, and totally lost her temper. Mom has been grateful and full of praise for me being brave to stand up for her ever since. And I saw it as the house dragon's declaration of capitulation, when the first slap of the slipper hit my shoulder.

@alisonvanbockel8146 3 года назад

Your hair looks gorgeous 🥰👌

@carolynsirianni1251 Год назад

It’s a CRIME. We need to figure a way to help these poor children especially, born into it, it ruins whole lives.

@free5pirit01 3 года назад

They're all still trapped in the matrix so I just have superficial relationships with all of them while in their eyes I continue to be the family "problem".

@larifari776 2 года назад

I can relate 100%. It's as if Lisa was telling the story of my life 🙈 I even did and very rarely still do the exact same finger-thing, lots of counting etc. And years later still the need to convince people all this actually happened and that we weren't bad children. I don't do that anymore. People who don't believe me aren't allowed in my life anymore. War is over!

@moonn97 Год назад

Thank you for helping us understand. I'm the scapegoat of my siblings and my father. Once I started speaking up and calling out the bs, they were all against me. My oldest brother (a diagnosed narcissist) even tried to force me to keep in contact with my abusive side of the family. I have social phobia and depression thanks to the absolute chaos and hell that they brought to my family.

@katlamb4606 Год назад

I'm learning that my mom is a narcissist. In my case the scapegoat is everybody in the family but herself. My dad's not a narcissist but I suspect he has some kind of disorder that he'd developed as a defense mechanism to life's struggles and mom's antics. I empathize with them and their marriage but sometimes I feel like they're my children and not the other way around even though they are the financial providers. I used to resist my mom's behaviors when I was little and I would sometimes muster enough courage to point them out as smoothly and lovingly and politely as I could but even the slightest bit of criticism would send her off. I stopped fighting after a fight broke out once when we were sitting one day, trying to be like healthy family and talk about our shortcomings as individuals so that we could be better. Everyone was told their lackings and what we needed to improve until her turn came and I politely and mildly pointed out that she should take considerations of people's feelings. She immediately fired up. Didn't even let me finish. Ranted about all the things she did for me. Talked about all the ways life hasn't been kind to her. It was true , life had been cruel to her but ,in my mind, that didn't give her pass to be cruel to people. She caused a scene. Tried to choke herself to death in front of the whole family. She was pregnant. And you can imagine how I felt. For a moment I even almost laughed cause the scene unleashing in front of me was unreal. I will never forget what she said to me. I tried. I tried to forget and leave it all behind cause I don't want to breed negativity. But maybe the healing process comes with remembering until the pain is taken out of that memory. I could go on and on. I'm only now understanding my numerous behaviors and mental issues. My anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, several OCD's, other obsessive behaviors that I used to get solace in like porn, eating disorder, sleep disorders, binge watching movies, reading novels all night all day. These were some of my escape mechanisms. I think I should write a book on it. I prolly would.

@catewalton6204 3 года назад

Oh yes the mean vindictive tone is awful! My ex was like that. Yes I feel like I was thrown away.

@marthamaria3715 2 года назад

Oh my goodness. Thanks so much for putting it in a such a frank , logical , simple way that was accepting yet not victimizing and powerful way! It covered a magnitude of issues and outcomes and roots all while showing it’s possible to get through it and accept it and not harbor blame or resent to towards anyone. You spoke directly to me in this video. It’s so rejuvenating being heard or hearing others story’s after so many years of such deep pain I couldn’t understand. I found out I had a benign brain tumor the size of a gulf ball pre frontal cortex at 31, I began my own healing Journey at 23 when I had my twin boys and wanted to find out why I was so "crazy" , I'm still 31 and still on my healing Journey. I just had brain surgery last Friday and my point is, this had been growing since I was a child and if you look up brain tumor it describes it as when the brain cells go crazy. I'm grateful for my discovery and my recovery cuz in that I have found every reason to believe in myself and not take on my families projections anymore, while not giving them my rage anger or energy but staying close to God, making sure my sons are heard and validated in what they express. Something's about to change in my blood line cuz I'm calling the demons out and my family knows it and now seems to be at a loss of words around me in a good way. God is good . Psalms 21!

@katyjean862 Год назад

17:45- if you are the scapegoated child, it is because you are strong willed, you have empathy, and a moral compass calling these awful people out for their meanness, criminality, lies, manipulations.

@hanaamr3685 3 года назад

Love, lots of love and prayers from Egypt

@stanleymaestas5441 3 года назад

Yeah I get your argument. My family did the double bind. I got in trouble for hanging out with wrong crowd, but if tried to say something about somebody's bs then I'd get punished.

@kittycornerbruno2373 3 года назад

My physiatrist KNEW…I was in therapy for 30 yrs…I was BIPOLAR…she said my parents sacrificed me…and then she did to..I was surrounded by craziness, I thought it was me, even she would side with my siblings ( good looking) she said….same words I told her my mom would say to me..ugly duckling

@ricklocked3820 3 года назад

6 Stars to you * * * * * * The same thing happened with my family. We LOVE YOUR WEALTH HEALTH WORDS.

@leanneb9111 3 года назад

Thank you so much for the clear honest video. My life playing out on the screen. In my case my brother's and I never managed to recover and were unable to have any kind of relationship.

@Gods_Harbinger_2_The_12_Tribes 3 года назад

Thank you Ms. Romano for sharing in detail. I am truly sorry for these events that happen to us as children. I to had a crazy childhood, yet never wanted for anything material. This pattern continues. I love your honesty and your willingness and passion when helping others. May the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob continue to bless and protect you.

@coralklaas4345 2 года назад

Thank you so much for this video. You were almost describing my exact same experience in every way. Was cursed with two narcissistic parents and after almost 45 years, it's been hell. Videos and channels such as these, really help. Being the family scapegoat is a tragic and painful role to be put in. People like this should never have children if they won't give them the love they deserve. Period.

@rossconnor684 3 года назад

Around 7 years old I used to write letters to my mum asking why she didn't want me around, why she wasn't my friend or when I could come home because I was basically raised by my grandmother. Looking back I was constantly reaching out to her but never really felt any love in return and my father was never around. I've grown up with mental health problems and ocd which I'm starting to realise could be linked to my relationship with my mum as a child. As I've gotten older I've realised she displays narcissistic behaviour towards me more and more.

@ggonabudget6283 2 года назад

Same as me. My mother lives with me now because of old age but I practically raised myself. At first, I tried to build a connection and reach out to her so we can have this mother daughter relationship but she continually blocked me and favors the golden child. I'm not angry honestly, I just build my boundaries to protect myself and my own family. Then, now I'm the bad person because I call her attention whenever those boundaries are not respected by her. Because of our religion and culture, I'm expected to stay with her but we are thinking of moving out since this is not working out for me and my family. I feel that everyday is another drama. I feel that if I have 10 more years to live, it now comes to 5 years only. I'm the scapegoat who challenges the family's dynamic and now I'm still the bad person and I don't care because I know my truth, that's what I tell other people around us. I'm practicing now to honestly tell people, and relatives now that we are not talking even if we live in the same house. I only talk to her when it concerns her. I don't share my thoughts and my own family's small wins and plans in the future...and I know it drives her nuts. I read from the comments of this one RU-vid videos as I do my further research in narcissistic mother, that when her mother died he/she cried not because of losing his mother but the mother he never had. And now those words is instilled in my heart and mind.

@joi4705 3 года назад

Hi Lisa, thank you so much for talking about this. The scapegoat target on my back has followed me from my mother and extended family, into friendships and even professional roles. I’m still working to repair my “picker” in selecting ppl & situations that are fair & able to reciprocate the good I’m giving them. But just when I think I’ve made the right choice, it usually comes out that what I’ve chosen is rife w/ injustice & narcissistic traits, after all. And when I speak up about it to advocate for myself &/or bring equity to the situation, on top of not being heard I’m usually rejected by that person or situation as a means of “punishment”…just like my mother & grandmother’s response whenever I had questions about something that was unfair or incongruent w/ what they previously taught as right, but expected me to blindly follow bc I was the child and they were the authority figure. When I didn’t go along I was labeled as the problem or “disrespectful”. How do I show up as my full Self while also not being the scapegoat in these situations?

@JSquared1969 3 года назад

OMG I was fixing breakfast when I heard you say counting letters, closing loops, etc and I dropped my spatula! I used to sit and listen to conversations and count syllables on my fingers. A "good" sentence had 9 syllables. I would close the loop by changing the sentence in my head to be 9 or a multiple of 9, or a number that could divide 9. I have never told anyone that!

@lisaaromano1 3 года назад

I hear you!!!!!! :)