Hey there! I hope you liked this video, and if you did, consider becoming my patron! There's an alternate version of this video on there with some different takes, and I talk a bit about a video that I couldn't talk about on here, because the video was taken down for being NSFW lol. Anyhow here's the link! www.patreon.com/bigjoel Also, do check out that footnote about modern architecture if you're interested! I think I could have made my point a bit better in a few ways (the cost of doing it on the spot, I guess). But if I make another video about School of Life, I'll get more into. The video is honestly worse than I suggested, and I wish I'd gotten into the more complicated reasons why more.
I adore you and your work, but jeebus h crispy, Joel, that is the ugliest sweater I have ever seen! That looks like something a thrift store vomited out because it was too hideous to go on the rack. It's scorching my eyeballs. URGHHHH.
As someone who grew up in an abusive home, "You're unhappy in your relationships because your parents were so nice to you" is the WILDEST, most sheltered take I've heard in a while lol
same 😒 also as someone who’s had abusive friends (whom i was vulnerable to because of early psychological abuse), the “friends are better” nonsense made me roll my eyes so far back in my head i think i saw god
"why truly sociable people don't like partying" sounds like something your mother would say when trying to convince you not to go to a high school house party when you were a teenager.
@@braden_m Or he went to one, didn't like it and decided that was everyone else's problem. His videos seem to have a theme of taking an entirely subjective opinion and turning it into this profound objective truth that's only contradicted when something goes wrong.
And how can you prove that you are actually "sociable"...if you never interact with other people. The word simply doesn't apply. Words need to have meaning. Not interacting with society is not compatible with the label "sociable." In the current English language, at least.
@@screamingcactus1753 i see a lot of it actually, some people that i know avoid social interactions and parties because they consider the masses to be "shallow" and "futile" while them themselves are not that interesting, intelligent and deep as they think themselves to be. I mean, i like to have deep conversations and to talk about philosophy, history and similar topics, but sometimes all i want to do is to sit down on an easy chair, drink, smoke and talk rubbish... Conservatives are too cocky.
Kind of reminds me of prager u. They are saying something with such a tone of claim authority that your subconscious accepts it as fact until the rest of your mind catches up and says “wait no, fuck that.” It’s like if the gps of your car told you to turn right into a field, your brain initially accepts that at first and then realizes that the gps is bullshit when you see what’s around you.
Whenever we went out, my tech obsessed ex-bf INSISTED on following the GPS cuz, u know, "oh, I trust it," instead of letting me guide him back to our house the fastest way. Dude I've lived here since 1968 - I KNOW this place better than your DAMN computer!! I don't like depending on tech to get stuff done when I don't HAVE to. Yes, it's convenient, but I'd rather get a picture of where I'm going in my mind - then fall back on the tech if I have a problem. I didn't even have roaming/data on my phone until a couple of months ago. I'm an introvert, why would I need it (actually, I did when I was driving back and forth to see my ex...)? Damn, I don't need no tech if I'm going anywhere in my area, or within several surrounding counties. Even into the next state I'm good, that's where my ex is, so I got used to travelling back and forth on the freeway. No way, man. Not taking the download. We live in the damn Matrix. Can't see the bad guys ("sentinels" but you know who does bad stuff) yet - but I know this place ain't real. Figure reality has shifted a few times now. Some people figured it out some are still stuck on red/blue. There ain't no red/blue. There is only purple = HUMANITY = we are one. No. I do NOT mean QANON. Lol! I mean all humans have value - ALL of us are spirits having a human experience. We are starseeds. We are children of the Creator - the Universe.
"Damn, I don't need no tech if I'm going anywhere in my area, or within several surrounding counties. Even into the next state I'm good, that's where my ex is, so I got used to travelling back and forth on the freeway. " You drive a CAR but don't need "tech" while doing so? I guess you didn't think that through.
Christian Schmidt many people don’t understand what technology actually is before they start ranting about how they don’t need it or it’s nothing but pure evil. A chair is technically technology, but you don’t see anyone complaining that they don’t need chairs.
@@christianschmidt2915 It's an inaccurate use of the term, but honestly, it's not that big a deal. We can still get the idea, yes? And quite frankly, it's probably a good idea to avoid overreliance on things like a GPS, or any other closed-source code. Not to the point of paranoia, sure, but if you can get away with not using corporate programs without too much difficulty, do it. I mean, unless you _want_ to be manipulated into buying stuff you don't need and can't use by ad companies that use harvested data for very targeted ad campaigns. Because you can never trust closed-source corporate programs not to harvest your data without consent.
@@jemolk8945 Not that I don't agree with you on privacy concerns and the reliance on digital gadgets, but that is not my point. Cars are a good example, as they shape our habits, social structures, cities, the way we do commerce, our social networks, the political landscape, power structures and natural environment in profound and, more often than not, harmful ways. But they are not part of "the Matrix" the commenter is concerned about. They are just a fact of life for them, while "Tech", which means digital networking technologies and the necessary user devices, I get that, is evil in and of itself, it seems. That is not thinking critical about technology, that is Just superstition. Also, the stuff about red, blue, purple and god doesn't help their case, but that's just my opinion, I guess.
The worst thing about School of Life is the way it's framed like advice from a therapist or academic of some kind but it's just like... some guy's mediocre thoughts. It should be called, "Some stuff I think about I guess, by Alain Boton (some guy)". It would still be bad, but less manipulative at least.
That's youtube in a nutshell though. Ultimately, youtube is just the video version of a 'blog' but with higher production values, and for people who can't, or don't have the time, to read. Almost everyone posting on RU-vid, with a few exceptions, has no real qualifications for the opinions they're spouting beyond personal anecdote. Some channels are reasonably well researched, while many are not. Heck, some channels are all but automated rehashes of other, more successful, channels. And this is only going to get worse with new voice recognition, parsing, and voice synthesis software turning the process of creating these videos into an entirely automated affair.
Pro Tip: If someone with a British accent says something that sounds potentially profound, repeat it to yourself in an American accent just to double-check.
when you live in the UK and are used to accents like this sounding off about the falling quality of supermarket own-brand baked beans it tends to lessen the effect massively
Attachment theory and the studies by Ainsworth and Bowbly are the closest studies that link childhood upbringing to one's romantic life as an adult. However, TSOL got it completely wrong. Children that had healthy upbringings were more likely to have healthy romantic lives as adults. The opposite of what TSOL said lol.
Yeah that’s what I thought. Because they had a good relationship modeled for them as a kid, they know what to look for as an adult. TSOL make it sound like childhood is the be all end all of life in these videos, which is not a good lesson.
I have many times watching TSOL videos come away with it with a feeling of.. being lost? And the attachment theory one was the one where I caught just that - attachment theory is very clear that attachment styles are not set in stone. Describing them as such is not just wrong, but also disempowering for everyone on their enormous platform,
Yeah, I was gonna mention that as well. I've seen this stuff first hand as I have two stepsisters who are adopted. As young children they had neglectful addicts for parents and then spent time bouncing around the system before my stepmother became their foster mother. Both have had serious issues, one being Reactive Attachment Disorder which is an absolute trip to witness and beast to deal with firsthand.
Love the circular logic of “it’s good to have bad parents because that will make us start families because we want to be good parents” - like, doesn’t that imply that wanting to be a good parent is a selfish way to treat your child?
Well no. See the highest state of human existence is to not create anymore humans, as life itself is flawed and pain. We are good parents, thus giving our children a happy childhood and teenagehood, and if we’re good enough parents we can break the cycle of life, bringing our bloodline to its ultimate state: extinction. (joke btw)
@@Coeurlarme I'd say that they have some interesting, if highly flawed, nihilistic philosophies. But let's be real, jokers like this "School of Life" guy or the ones who actually talk like your comment aren't smart enough to even make a decent self-destructive nihilistic argument.
the whole “we have families because of our shitty parents” completely undermines the theory that we are unhappy in relationships because our childhoods were good and our parents shielded us
Also in my personal experience and what I see from many friends around me is that if you were abused or neglected by your parents you are much _less_ inclined to start a family. If you know that you never had anything resembling a good example of parenthood and also still carry deep-seated traumas and unhealthy coping mechanism with you that you will never quite be able to shake the rest of your life, then you're much more likely to say: 'Fuck this shit, abusive parenting and trauma has been echoing through the generations of my family for far too long, I'm breaking the damn chain and remaining childless.' For me personally that's a big factor in why I'm never having kids.
Weirdly I think they did actually cover this back when I was subscribed: "How To Be a Good Parent" or something. The channel is a mess and each video contradicts the next.
Everything The School of Life says has the same energy of the guy who told me "You dress nice. Would you like to go on a non platonic outing with me?" In junior year physics class
The video arguing that sad or tough teenage years are beneficial for the rest of your life actually made me genuinely upset and angry. My life sucks *because* my teenage years were tough, and sad, and riddled with mental illness. The pain I went through is still holding me back from building a happy, sustainable future for myself. It's preventing me from enjoying my hobbies, knowing how to juggle all my responsibilities as an adult, hell, even finishing university. Being mentally broken didn't make me deep, or better at art, or more capable, or kinder, it just made me afraid, unproductive, and in need of serious therapy. And the only reason why I am in this situation now is the fact that no one acknowledged my problems on time because "oh, teenagers are just moody!" and "teenagers and their phases!" and "oh, you'll get over it when you become an adult". Well, I am an adult now, and I'm still mentally ill, and the only reason why I'm still doing so poorly is that no one took me seriously when I, as a teenager, asked to see a therapist, or told people that I'm sad beyond reason, or that I don't understand what exactly is wrong with me. For the love of all that is good in this world, take teenagers seriously when they tell you something is wrong, or that they're struggling in any way. Even if it ends up being something "silly" from an adult perspective, it's going to mean a lot to them that you were still willing to help them and treat them as an equal. And for fuck's sake, don't ignore symptoms of mental illnesses in teenagers just because they're teenagers. Being sad all the time, having intrusive thoughts, self-harming, being anxious to the point where you can't function, having obsessive-compulsive habits etc. aren't "just teenage things", they're symptoms of serious issues that need professional help and support. Stop romanticising mental suffering and treat teenagers better, for crying out loud.
As a teen who struggles with mental health, and is friends with other teens who likewise struggle with mental health, everything you said hits home. Adults project what they want us to feel unto us and disregard what we tell them. Our actual feelings are invalidated because our parents "know better", or because "it's just a phase". My parents are amazing people at everything else, but when it comes to things like these... not only do they not understand, they don't even try to. They don't listen to me. Whenever I have a string of really bad days, whenever I self-harm in a way that leaves scars, they always treat it as a coincidence, a one off thing, and not something that is constant for me. My feelings are labelled as "hormones" and cast aside. Being treated like this isn't helping me build character in any sort of way. It's making me constantly question my feelings, repress emotions so adults'll take me seriously (and then having outbursts at random people or coping through really unhealthy and self-destructive ways), and lie so I won't get mocked by the people I'm supposed to trust the most. I pretend to be someone I'm not around my parents so instead of seeing me as a stupid emotional child they'll see me as Adult Lite(TM), and holy shit. It takes its fucking toll on you. Extra points if you're queer and have to hide that part of you around them because hearing "you're just confused" another damn time will make you stab someone. But what do I know? I'm just a confused teenager.
@@handsofchange11111 big hugs to you. I'm sorry you're doing through all this. Get some help if you can. If you can't get a therapist, try to find another adult outside your parents that you can speak to. Best of luck to you and if you need help finding a therapist or counselor, please send me a message. Love, a social worker
Good grief, you sound like you have a very deep level of insight about yourself and a very good understanding of psychological matters regarding other people. I am a postgraduate psychology student and I too have faced shitty years in childhood and adolescence and I have to tell you, I felt proud reading your comment and seeing that your hardships didn't only brake you, but you also managed to grow through them. Though going through mental illness is by far the least preferable and safe way to grow and it often leaves us with lifelong challenges, I just wanted to let you know that I believe in you and your ability to become happy and functioning. Seek proper therapy, work your ass off and try to make your life as you want it, find out what truly matters to you and go after it. It's hard, but doable.
honestly all that stuff just reminds me of being a super depressed angsty teenager trying to hate myself less by trying to pretend that i believed i was more somehow better, mature, stronger or whatever for constantly feeling like shit. and that's extremely unhealthy. a lot of people develop or find out about mental health issues during their teenage years, and basically saying "this thing that makes you feel sad/lonely/miserable/whatever is actually good and necessary and also it makes you better than other people so you should hold onto them" is just very harmful
I went through the same thing. I really loved their channel when i was in high school because it made me feel better about feeling miserable, and the way the script is written made me feel smart. In the end I started to notice that something didn't add up, although I couldn't put my finger on what exactly. Looking back, their videos are weird and sometimes really toxic. I'm glad that i stopped watching.
@Itzel Bastian Yes it's bullsh. According to this dude's line of "reasoning," I am (apparently) a freak in that I was a deliriously happy adolescent who wasn't unprepared for adulthood as a result. I'm 47 now and although I've certainly faced tough times in adulthood which were painful as a result, I've never really been depressed or without a sense of hope. That said, I would absolutely NOT conclude (from my mere 1 anecdotal data point which is inherently subjective) that a happy adolescence is predictive of a happy adulthood. My life serves as neither a pesky outlier contraction to dudeman's (correct) hypothesis nor proof that the hypothesis is incorrect, instead I would just say that his claim doesn't even address all the stuff you would need to form a hypothesis like this. The whole idea of there possibly being anything like a consistent correlation is absurd. There are far too many variables for determining what it means to be happy versus troubled, etc.
@Itzel Bastian I apologize because I don't know how my reply became a direct reply to you in this case; I meant it to be a reply to the op. But since you ask, I'm talking about the School of Life video that Joel is discussing in this video. SOL's assertion is that being unhappy in adolescence is the normal and essential step one needs to become an effective adult, or at least that's my one-sentence summary. Therefore, according to him, someone who was a happy and functional adolescent should not turn out to be a happy and functional adult, therefore the fact that I did would make me a freak, an aberration, an outlier. Of course he didn't use the word 'freak'; I didn't say he did. But he also didn't talk about morals so I don't know why you keep bringing that up.
I haven't watched the video yet, but I'm commenting- I used to watch school of life when I was 11 and severely depressed. The main message I got from them was that I was wrong for feeling sorry for myself. That was a short term solution. I forced myself out of my depression out of sheer willpower but also pushed away my feelings and became cruel to people who couldn't just will their way out of mental illness. Eventually (within less than a year) I became dysfunctionally depressed again, and was extremely in denial about it. I think that even during the time that I "fixed" myself, I was mostly just in denial. I still have a problem of blaming myself for my own illness. Their philosophy is not a cure.
At a glance, I thought "hey what's wrong with The School of Life!?" Then I realized I've only ever watched the videos introducing philosophers and authors...
Haha, same! Their other videos have a rather... clickbait-y thumbnails, so I don't watch them. I watched one once, didn't click well with me, then forgot about it. I have to admit, though, their videos on authors are engaging enough to get people read respective author's books!
@@miramiell_kairaku I know right? I subbed for a high school teacher a few years ago who wanted to introduce her students to the basic philosophers, and I recommended those videos, and she told me they were exactly what she was looking for. That felt really good : )
Outside of RU-vid, School of Life also run in-person lectures and classes for a ridiculous amount of money. I’ve met a few people who have gone and it seems really cult-y.
I don't know where you're getting that from, but School of Life *did* basically say, "Yes, you can be anti-social. And you're better than those pesky socialites."
Welcome to the world of people who who are mad because they weren't invited to parties or had bad experiences of some, that want to fool themselves that they are just "too sociable" for the antisocial flock of sheep that go to parties to pretend to be social
It's usually not a good idea to psychoanalyze on the internet, but like... those videos really sound like some hardcore projection, right? I'm not the only one who sees that? He really seems like someone who is just rationalizing all of his feelings into objective statements. He had someone say that he was being emotionally distant in a relationship, so that person must have had misguided expectations based on childhood, and that must apply to everyone with those expectations. He doesn't like parties, so parties must be an objectively wrong way to interact with people. He had a difficult adolescence, so a difficult adolescence must be required to be successful. He has had painful romantic relationships, so romantic relationships must be inherently painful. He thinks he's nice and girls don't like him, so girls must not like any guys who are nice. He thinks buildings are ugly, so they must be a conspiracy because nobody could actually think they look good. Idk. It just really seems like someone who can't accept that his beliefs or experiences might not be universal and is trying to calmly explain to the rest of the world why they're stupid and wrong, actually.
Gerr Gerring maybe he mentions incels because claiming that nice guys are single because girls mistakenly only like bad boys is like one of the defining rhetorics used by incels???
Gerr Gerring He’s bringing up incels cause the school of life videos sometimes make typical incel arguments. Joel plays the offending clip from the TSoL video and explains his reasoning. I don’t understand how you are confused by this.
Actually, the studies that have been conducted on the subject of happy childhood/happy marriage or relationship comes down on the exact opposite side of the argument. When people have happy, emotionally stable childhoods, they are more able to experience happiness and emotional stability in later life with a romantic partner or spouse. Now, this is not true across the board, but the studies bear out the overall contention.
I think you're misreading the argument. Alain is not addressing the general public here, he's not speaking of a collective experience. Even people with a secure attachment system do have problems in their relationships that arise even from a safe and loving household. He did not argue that people with happy childhoods have bad relationships - he argued that if you had a happy childhood whilst being unhappy or unsatisfied in your relationship, it might be caused by you projecting your childhood bliss and happiness ignorantly unto your partner. Once your partner (who's an entirely different person) does not meet those standards, you get unhappy and unsatisfied. That's an argument which is psychoanalytically completely valid
@@suezuccati304 well, if there is a market for weirdly specific 5 Minute videos, why should we prohibit it? It never claimed to be a collective experience
No one comes out of childhood unscathed. It's true that a childhood that is at least devoid of adverse traumas tips the odds in one's favor, but the reality is that the brain and human relationships are far more complicated and messy than we know.
I've never heard of this channel before, but based on what you've presented here, it sounds like it's entirely devoted to explaining away this guy's personal failings. "I'm not a selfish and inattentive boyfriend, romantic relationships are just supposed to be harmful."
i remember when i was a teen i stumbled upon a school of life video about why boys are mean to girls they like, and it was basically giving a pat in the back of said boys and defending them with the "boys will be boys" idea, that girls need to put up with it and see the deep meaning behing their aggression. I didn't know much about things and relationshisps, but i had the intuition that there was something wrong and weird with the arguments that were presented in the video. Nowadays i know it was incel propaganda and i'm happy my younger self didn't fall for that crap.
"It takes a sharply insular and misanthropic person..." So... So him? Also, is this guy like... not trying to be friends with his partners? I'm best friends with my girlfriend, we love each other very much. Literally not even anything close to what this fool thinks he knows.
@Saad Bin Masud or you could just like, treat your partners more like your friends? It's not hard. Sure, our society overlooks the importance of friendships in favour of romantic relationships. But there's nothing inherently better or worse about one or the other. Every adult human has the agency to negotiate the terms of how they relate to every other human, whether they realize it or not.
to be fair I only go to SOL for their philosophy/literary explanations, mostly because they're accurate and easy to remember. Self-help in general always makes me a little skeptical because it feels like the persons that promoting the message often has an agenda or reason beyond wanting to help. So yeah, SOL is pretty decent when you go for their more objective analyses/informational dives on prominent thinkers and philosophies.
the architecture video was utter shite though, Functionalism as an Architectural Movement existed because they needed to save on costs after the war. So, it was more important to house people than to make it look pretty and extravagant. But yeah, their legit philosophy videos are pretty okay
@@thatsdisco And I personally think it's not that ugly, it's kind of like what happened to brutalist blocks, when painted and adding some green areas around they can look pretty good!
I'd argue that all their videos are of the same shit caliber; the shitty thoughts of a shitty person with shitty ideas and enough resources to flesh them out via shitty animations on a platform that's wildly profitable and incentivized because people are fucking stupid and impressionable and will like subscribe and comment on even the lowest caliber shit. It panders to all things low-hanging-fruit. Don't twist into a pretzel being an apologist for a dumb assholes echo chamber of diarrhea.
@@thatsdisco Great to meet another 🏴Scottish person on RU-vid - only Scottish people use the phrase "utter shite" with such passion! And yes, a lot of the postwar functionalist brutalist housing built in Scotland did turn out to be utter shite!
I was honestly shocked to see you made a video on this channel. I have a strong personal attachment to this channel because it’s videos on past philosophers and writers got me back into reading. I never really watched his other videos though. I think school of life has a sense of self confidence in his ideas that probably stems from personal experience and philosophies that he personally likes. It probably wouldn’t be so problematic if all this stuff wasn’t about self improvement and mental health. Because of the gravity of these topics, he has a responsibility to be correct.
I found the school of life when O was dealing with depression, and ended up trying to avoid the channel because it was counter productive. I didn't think much about the channel after that, but I'm glad someone did. Great vid! :3
I know I'm late to the party but the first video Big Joel criticizes is a distortion of Attachment Theory which does have a scientific foundation behind it, but not the way it's contorted in the School of Life video.
I'm rather perplexed by the "it's better to be just friends" idea, it sounds like he just didn't even like the people he's tried romantic relationships with and the lack of friendship between them to build on is the reason he thinks all relationships are high drama and emotionally not worth it. Why wouldn't you want to be/couldn't you be your "best self" for your partner but then easily be able to make that effort for friends? It makes no sense.
Big Joel I usually love your videos but this was a rancid waste of my time. Could you talk to me about that? Could you explain to me a random internet person why the video wasn't a waste of my time? I respect you muchly and eagerly await your response.
Hey Big Joel, I generally agree with your take on the School of Life and I usually love your videos, but this particular video was a beautiful uplift of my time. Could you talk to me about that? Could you explain to me, a random internet person, why the video wasn't a good use of my time? I respect you muchly and eagerly await your response.
I'd like to just add to what the original commenter said. Basically, I'm puzzled because I genuinely very much admire you, Big Joel, but I don't entirely see the point of you seem to be doing. It would be lovely if you could perhaps explain things from your no doubt very legitimate perspective.
The weird thing that School of life fails to address when talking about functionalism, is that during the era of the Post-war socialist dream (basically the era when Clement Atlee was PM), some functionalist buildings served a function about aesthetics beyond just architecture. A beautiful society is one where housing is plentiful, so even though the brutalist buildings look awful, they house many homeless or poor people and increased their social mobility. Sure (traditionally) beautiful buildings were destroyed to build these flats, but it played a role in improving society in an era where resources were scarce and poverty was rife. To claim morally that functionalism is bad because the aesthetics of the buildings are bad, further complicates the idea of what he views a "beautiful society" as. This is especially true, when in the UK skyscrapers are scarce but brutalist flats are culturally engrained into our society, due to the social housing movements in cities under Labour (and some Tory) governments.
I used to be in an abusive relationship, and the guy made me watch school of life videos to explain to me, that the relationship was fine. Thank you for making a video about this stupid channel, I hate it so much
Nice guys don’t go on rants about how no one will date them because they’re nice. Truly nice guys deal with the complexities of relationships, say “ Oh well” , and usually end up ok in the end.
To be fair, we do have sensical scientific support for childhood attachment types being indicative of certain expectations towards romantic relationships in later life (starting with Hazan & Shaver 1987). School of Life's approach to it is very rudimentary, but as a psychologist I feel like I kind of understand maybe what they've read and tried to summarise terribly.
But what he said goes against attachment theory. He describes a securely attached relationship with parents (all needs are met, child feels 100% safe and understood/attuned to) and then claims *that* would correlate to becoming an adult with low relationship satisfaction… ? As you’ll know, the opposite is the case within attachment theory.
Every school of life video sounds like an extremely insecure man desperately trying to pass off his own very personal and subjective experiences as universal in an effort to reassure himself that he's normal. ...While also missing the point that having very personal and subjective experiences *IS* normal.
May I have an example? (Not that I disagree or anything but I haven't watched his videos in a while and it's only when I stopped that I realized how weird they were then I came across this video lol)
The School of Life isn't one guy. The School of Life is an organization that has several, a lot in fact, of trained psychologists. Honestly, this video made me check their website and they do a lot: www.theschooloflife.com/
Thanks for your take on School of Life. I have watched a ton of their videos and really like them, however I sometimes feel a bit misled and your analysis is helpful in pointing many of those absurd unilateral assumptions that are put out there as a “reason”. I also appreciate that you have an even and fair tone about it, it really enhances your likability and my trust in your point of view! Good job and thank you!
I personally really like a lot of the SOL videos, they're more or less little nuggets that might give you an alternate perspective to consider or at least follow up on if you are dealing with some issue.
Atheism is not a religion first of all. It's as if one called an empty bowl a kind of a soup. It's just an absense of something. Some people clearly cannot conceptualize that there are people who just don't need religion anddo not follow any. To them, everyone has religion. Which is just not true. Everybody has a set of beliefs and convictions but not everybody follows religion. Those things are different to one another.
People are misunderstanding me. I know Atheism isn't a religion. My point is that Atheists who shit on religious people and talk about how useless and bad religion is are just as annoying as the religious fanatics who try to convert everyone they meet. You can disagree with religions but you're still a prick if you try to tell every religious person you come across that they're an idiot for having a religion.
The thing is; the securely attached (ie had a good enough childhood) are the MOST likely to have satisfying relationships. It's when your childhood is NOT good enough that you have a higher risk of relationship problems.
Big Joel, I usually love your videos, but this was a rancid waste of my time. Could you talk to me about that? Could you explain to me why the video wasn't a waste of my time? I respect you muchly, and eagerly await your response.
Hey man just curious could you demonstrate for us what confiigures proof in the scientific method versus the philosophical method? I agree with the critique of SoL on some points but presenting scientific proof as to why a philosophical argument is bad, does not make any logical sense. How do you present scientific proof for dialectics? Or Nihilism? Kantian Ethics? There are different aspects at work here that you seem to ignore. New follower here, I know you probably won't read these, but I will shout this in the void in the hopes of bringing forth a different perspective on Philosophy vs Science.
Yep. It is a fact that most TERFs have a Standard Pronunciation South-east English accent. Just don't call it British, you wouldn't understand a Glaswegian, let alone think they're talking sense.
Okay, as I guess I'm going to keep on getting more pedantic responses, I feel like I need to specify that when I said "British accent" that I was using the American colloquial definition which generally refers to English accents, and specifically only those that are intelligible to American ears. Apologies for the Yank-o-Centrism.
slyrax Fair enough. I just don’t like people treating all of britain as if it’s merely an extension of England. I hope that I didn’t make anyone feel bad.
As a teenager who struggles with chronic depression, your section about adolescents felt very validating. Many people dismiss my feelings as just "teen angst" and I admit I do have some of that, but I also have feelings that need to be accepted. Thanks for not dismissing kids like me.
I hope you have someone in your life who will truly listen to you and that you can work through your personal challenges in due time. Being depressed at that age is not easy, for the exact reason identified.
I'm 21 which isnt old obviously but i have a passion in how much i hate that people treat kids and teens like an all around joke of a human being. I think that often when it comes in the form of adults being condescending towards younger people or minors it's due to wanting to feel superior... "You think YOU know anything about the world?" "You think YOUR problems are bad?" Some adults dont recieve respect from people their age so it feels good to atleast imagine themselves as better than some 16 year old.
I hope you're doing better, as I came across your comment 5 months after you posted it. Your feelings are real, simply for the fact that you feel them. I'm glad you recognize your normal "teenage angst"; you'll be able to separate those out from the feelings that you find truly concerning. Adults fucking suck sometimes. If you have access to any adult who is committed to mental health, be it a psychologist, your school counselor, or even a family friend or neighbor who will sit and actively listen about your feelings and opinions, I urge you to take advantage of their time. Especially if you can access a licenced psychologist; if you're parents have the resources to send you to see one, impress upon them how much you need their services. Also, everything you say to your psychologist is protected information. They can only tell your parents if they think you're about to hurt yourself or others and what they recommend they do to prevent that from happening. As someone with clinical depression (among other things) I also urge you to take medicine if it's recommended. It can take a few weeks to kick in, so if it doesn't work immediately give it time. If there's side effects bring then up immediately, even if they don't seem worth mentioning. And if something doesn't work, say so and try something else. I hope you can avoid all that though! You're a bright kid so I have a feeling you'll navigate your way through this. You deserve to be happy and comfortable. We all do.
@@morbidsearch "you don't even know yourself yet!" bro and YOU, a literal SEPARATE HUMAN BEING from me knows me more than myself? and how can you know when i'll "truly know myself", then? what if i already know what i want or am while also being a teenager? lmao i can't handle these people
I would just like to add, my girlfriend is an animator and she has animated two school of life videos. What they do is that they get animators just out of university and hire them to do videos, but they give them a very short timeline, not much money and don’t give them much credit. They also for some reason don’t like animators using their work for their portfolios. A lot of her university friends have done a video and had the same experience. They kinda take advantage of newly graduated students and underpay them. That’s why people tend to do one video for them and then move on to hopefully better things.
Ryan R not really, not all freelance jobs involve bad pay, short workaround time and an employer who gets weird and defensive about putting your own work on your resume. They are not the worst employers by a long shot but they are not great either and for not real justifiable reason. Especially considering what they actually preach.
From a business perspective why would they pay more when they know people will continue accepting the job offer. So what happens if they put it on their portfolio. They send a hitman out to kill them or what. If they created the animation i dont see how they could stop you from putting it on there.
Ah yes, we did it boys, bad relationships are no more, because I had a shitty childhood and we are totally pleased with whatever relationship we have because at least it's better than what we had, because our standards will always remain the same as our childhood as we never learn from it
SeashellAmerican yeah well what if I’m not dead or alive huh? What if I’m an abiotic object? What if I’m just an igneous rock? Ever thought of that huh?
I remember watching one of his videos on why sexless relationships are inherently flawed and as an asexual, it was painful. But then I saw a video on why the oedipus complex should be brought into your sex life and I brushed off any invalidation immediately.
i don't understand why that's painful. it would make sense for an uncommon condition such as asexuality to be bad for relationships. just like narcissism and psychopathy
@@friedtea9969 it really isn't shallow. sex is one of our most primal desires. replace sex with love or respect and you'll see the stupidity of your comment
So this is what the 2% dislikes on a School of Life video look like. And I love it! You helped me understand the unexplained bad vibes I got from their videos.
@@Scerttle same here, i used to watch them a lot but after a while it feels like there really is something odd about them. so glad that i can finally figure out what makes me feel odd about watching 1 of their videos
choronos by my eye its a coogi sweater, or at least inspired by the coogi sweater. biggie smalls famously wore them, so its only natural big joel has one too 😛
This dude's literally making contradictory claims: - your childhood was SO GOOD and your parents were SO NICE to you, that now no other relationship can live up to your expectations - the only reason, why anyone would start a family is because your parents were BAD and made lots of mistakes and you want to try being a better parent like wat?
The thing about parties was so obnoxious and pretentious 😭 Straight up sounds like something a teenager would make up to feel better abt not being invited to their crush‘s birthday partx or smth
School of life: youre dissatisfied with your relationship because of your nurturing relationship with your parents Me, who was abused by my parents: 👁👄👁
Not even that. Many good parents express the difficultys they are under to their kids. And lots of people have unhappy childhoods for reasons outside of their parents. My parents are the most loving and wonderful people in the world but due to a medical condition i had my early childhood was mostly spent in a fair bit of pain. They forget about most people i would say. They idealise childhood well telling everybody to stop idealising adulthood. But neither should be idealised
straw beary Well, then that’s just even MORE proof that the channel is intellectually insincere. Like, if they already had or went on to make videos where they acknowledge that abusive or unhappy childhoods not only exist, but have a HUGE impact on a person’s emotional development, then why would they make an entire video that relies on the premise of that not being a factor in somebody’s life?
This whole "REALLY social people don't even like parties" sounds like some "I'm a sigma male and lone wolf, so I'm actually not an unsocial loser beta or a Chad alpha male, I'm just as good" incel copium. This whole echochamber of "don't change yourself, you're actually not flawed" is so weird. We're literally all flawed, we have self doubts, failed relationships, varying degrees of social competence, etc. What you're supposed to do is work on parts of yourself you think you could improve. I get that some people with self hate might need a nudge from a motivational video or something telling them they shouldn't feel helpless, but that should never substitute making a personal effort to improve yourself.
The whole channel screams copium energy, in a pretentious way lol. As Joel pointed out, some of these explanations about life are so BS you have to wonder how he came up with them, yet Alain says them like they’re truth.
@@bdstudios6088 it really seems like a demonstration of how anything, said with confidence against a well edited video, can convince some people to think the way they do.
@@viktorthevictor6240 oh yeah totally, I agree. I'm just saying that for someone who is totally socially inept they might interpret that point as validating to their lack of social skills as a whole. Like, it's okay to not like parties, and it's okay to be an introvert. But if you're the sort of person watching these kinda videos it's likely you're questioning your own social ability. Those sort of people often have social anxiety, and while it's completely valid not liking parties the implied notion that it's okay to be unsocial as a whole is backwards. The real kicker being that it's not only "okay" to avoid large social gatherings, but actually better and is indicative of you being "superior" to those who do. Idk the whole thing just breathes an undercurrent of appealing to a crowd of socially incapable people who harbour some self resentment and even jealousy towards the socially capable, and it's intentions really seem to be to direct that anger towards the latter, which is just mindless ignorance to a person's own flaws as well as being a very poor way to live. I've met many people who judge their own self worth by weighing themselves against their peers and it's always bad, when you have to put down others to feel better about yourself it's always fucked.
Imagine thinking Skyscrappers look the way they do because an evil guy wanted to make it look ugly and not because it is the cheapest way to build a building this tall.
LOL Quite the leap of logic. The first thought that came to my mind when thinking about buildings is efficiency. To state that there are people out there who design buildings solely for the sake of making them ugly and getting away with it because “beauty is subjective” is pretty strange.
Well people argue that the fact that pyramids exist in multiple cultures must be aliens instead of just "Well if you make a big pile of rocks it won't fall over or burn down so lets do that" Being the easiest precursor to large scale architecture.
There was art deco fashion at the beginning of modernism, and it continued into the fifties. I like it more than most present-day architecture. But TSOL ommitted these facts from its video.
It doesn't even make a lick of sense, when presented as matter of fact and absolutist. If everybody, throughout history, has gone through this process of having a happy childhood with loving caring parents, then grow up and find themselves on a spiral of unhappiness and disappointing relationships, the how, how is it possible for the parents to had had a healthy relationship when raising the person to begin with? Are parents not people? are they thise magical entity that exist just to breed unhappy incels? Make it make sense!
The animation clips seem very Freudian and suggestively Oedipal. I'm sure the SoL anti-party genius knows his Myers-Briggs type, being a card-carrying Jungian pseudoscientist.
@@luismarioguerrerosanchez4747 the probably when people try to psychoanalyze without a shred of psychological education is you end up with comments like these which aim to discredit things they dont understand for the convenience of simplicity and familiarity of self assurance that what you know is all you need to know and the world of the unknown is unnecessary or misguided. Theres a reason why these topics require years of dedicated research that a short 20 minute dismissal wont provide. It also requires a certain degree of openness to appreciate what you can learn with also the humility to acknowledge the valid criticisms that might not make us feel very comfortable to acknowledge.
SoL's videos give me a strong sense that Alain de Botton needs a divorce but he's too pass-agg to ask for one directly, so he made a RU-vid channel instead.
Omg I didn’t know lab muffin beauty science watches Big Joel 😂 .. everyone should check out her channel for entertaining and well-explained scientific information about the usefulness and safety of products many of us use in our daily lives 😁😁 Ive learned a lot from this channel
Me at 14 living in an abusive household: “Gee, I wish I didn’t feel like shit all the time” TSOL adolescent video: “Actually that’s completely normal and good and actually you should be grateful for this bad bad time you are currently having” Me: Oh. Cool I guess.
So we start families because our childhoods weren’t good but then we feel unfulfilled in our relationships because our childhoods were good actually? Did I get that right?
Totally. The only way I can comprehend the perspective SOL presents is if I try to imagine only ever having toxic romantic relationships and very shallow friendships. If you really get close with someone, it is hard to accept the idea that it is possible to avoid normal relationship growing pains.
6:40 It’s just such a narrow definition of “party”. Imagine if someone said “truly athletic people hate sports, because you spend most of your time either sitting in the dugout or standing around in the outfield hoping that a ball comes your way”. Or “real film buffs hate movies because they’re nothing but car chases and endless fight scenes, punctuated by the occasional implausible explosion.” And I don’t know how the speaker has any idea what is “average” or “typical” for a party, but I’d bet that “have a dozen friends over for BBQ and a movie” or “have 6 friends over for boardgames” are at least as common as “Animal House”. Maybe SoL’s observations are valid for the sort of party where it’s too loud to converse and everyone is drunk and high-but that’s not every party.
In fact, growing up in a home where the child's caregivers had a healthy relationship actually helps people not end up in toxic romantic relationships later in live. A loving, healthy relationship between the parents actually models both how one should be treated by a romantic partner and also how one should treat their SO.
100%, this is some basic social psychology. Also its just super fucking intuitive - learn good relationship models, have good relationships. But yeah, apparently not snappy enough for TSOL lmao
As someone who was raised for the majority of their childhood by an alcoholic single mother and has had a great deal of therapy to deal with the emotional trauma it caused, I can confirm that that difficult element of my upbringing really fucked up my conception of romantic relationships and intimacy and still gives me problems.
100%- bad parenting will certainly cause more problems than good parenting, in relationships and basically everything I'd say. I don't think that was the point of the TSOL video, it was more about how how general experiences of being taken care of can transfer to our expectations in our adult relationships (at least that's what I took away from it.) I think it's also sort of related to first becoming infatuated with a romantic partner, then that fading away somewhat but hopefully supplemented by a deeper lasting relationship.
Since you've taken at least one more class with a Neofreudian professor than I have, I'm inclined to take your word for it. But that channel's ideas strike me as not even grounded in any academic theory, just homebrewed junk that sounds plausible to someone who hasn't studied any psychology or philosophy.
Jesus Christ, every day it passes the more I realise how close I was to being an actual and proper incel. It's terrifying how easy it us to fall for that kind of stuff and how hard it is to get out. I honestly believe the only thing that kept me out of it was having a significant amount of female friends
A while ago, while I was going through a tough time, I started watching Jordan Peterson videos. They sort of made sense and resonated with me. I then told my (female) best friend about them and I felt so foolish. Not only did I have a hard time actually explaining WHAT they were about, the implications of so many of them were so insidious. I then realized JP has no concrete points but oh boy does he love alluding to creepy shit.
I can relate to that, but instead of being an incel I was so gaslight by their videos i began to push away people i considered my second family and began to have a toxic outlook on human relationships I already had. It wasn't until I really went to my therapist to talk about this i saw how flawed the channel is.
I remember that a few of his videos seemed down to earth and more of a cup half full type of thing but than again I’ve only watched like 3 videos every couple years lol
@@jonathanj2106 I'm really glad you made it out too. I feel the same way about him, it's sad how effective his pseudo-intellectual-talk-about-nothing is to make you feel like life is simple and you're just doing it wrong, hence why things are not going your way.
Congratulations on avoiding that vicious cult. They say they are looking for friendship and support but then once they are thoroughly brainwashed they sit there laughing about their online "friend's" suicides. All they really want are misery and destruction.
The other problem I would identify with the "romantic relationships are bad" argument is that it seems premised on "if we only judged romantic relationships by their worst possible effects, we would not want them," which is an incredibly empty argument because (1) it's true of anything, and (2) why would it be productive to try and actually understand anything by looking only at its worst possible qualities?
Right, like if i ignore everything about pizza except that one time i burnt my tongue on a hot slizza then yeah fuck pizza but why on earth would anyone do that
@@leaffinite2001i think your apology is great but i think it is missing 1 thing. You burning your tongue was an experience that you would have had. Their argument doesn't make their point with experiences that you had but the potential negative experiences. so it would be you loving pizza but rejecting it because you could maybe make the experience of burning your tongue.
Old comment to reply to, but I wanted to say with regards to number two, that you would be doing that out of abundance of precaution. If your overriding goal is to avoid negative experiences, rather than to seek out positive experiences, then it makes perfect sense to judge things by their worst possible outcomes.
@@RickJaeger I recognize that sometimes people do, in reality, think this way. But it actually doesn't make perfect sense, because it ignores the possibility/likelihood that being lonely because one avoided relationships could also be a negative experience. I suppose one could argue that the worst possible outcome of a relationship would be worse than the worst possible outcome of being lonely, but even this calculation doesn't help one "actually understand" the two things, as I originally wrote.
"We are sad later in life because our parents were so nice to us." But also: "We only start families because our parents were so terrible." Wow much thought, very smartness.
I mean, that makes sense if you accept both claims, right? People with nice upbringings may be unhappy about their relationships, and people who are unhappy with their relationships are less likely to have longterm relationships that lead to children, so most people who have children did not have very happy upbringings. The claims aren't true but they're not contradictory either
It's the same technique psychics use. They would say: "You're an introvert person... but you sometimes feel the need to look for relationships" or "You're an extrovert... but sometimes you feel like being on your own". And suckers will say "OMG, how did he know??"
The “mostly, kind” tells me this guy has upset his partner, and didn’t like their negative reaction. He doesn’t get he probably has absolutely upset his friends, but because a friendship can be less serious than a relationship, it’s easier to just react nicely and move on, especially if you realize you can distance yourself from him later. Dude’s damn delusional with how much he really thinks he knows the world.
you know any person who say friendships doesn't have any problems, either didn't have friends or he is a very shitty selfish friend himself who never do or give anything for their friends.
@@ralison23 Can you imagine being in a relationship, becoming close with your partner, and on encountering a vulnerable moment where things don’t go well- Instead of taking time to process and take ownership of one’s own actions and grow, just be like “That woman has no self control, indeed what an illness that she would allow her feelings to ever get the better of her!! This whole ‘love’ thing is indeed an illness! A GOOD person should never acknowledge their feelings and act like everything is perfect until the world is perfect” in this dude’s condescending tones.
Are you saying that both can get viruses, but PCs are significantly more likely to get viruses because the design of Macs simply doesn't give users the freedom to do things that would likely cause viruses?
To some extend I feel like his opinions aren't that bad, it's just the fact that he's proclaiming them like he's some kind of arbiter of moral truth. Like if a friend said to me "hey you know, relationships aren't everything and sometimes you're better off being friends with someone" I would find that completely inoffensive. Even if a youtuber said these things in a more conversational tone, it wouldn't be that weird. But the videos are so preachy about those same half-baked opinions, it's off-putting.
Yeah, it’s less the information itself, more the format in which it’s given - it’s a perfectly sound thing to hear as something a buddy would tell you when you’re feeling glum, not something an authority of any sort can say.
I feel like a lot of school of life videos are good conversation starters and catalysts for self-reflection, but not good as definitive answers for any educational or intellectual purpose. Their conclusions are often rubbish but the topics and questions/arguments proposed are interesting to think or debate about, and might lead to you form your own opinions about these topics, whether you agree or disagree
@@theMoporter this. One or two "idk maybe my childhood didn't prepare me for adulthood" videos, especially presented not as universal truths but as one person's experience, is innocent enough. In no way proof they should be listened to or that the advice within applied to anyone else's life, but innocent. Dozens of videos not only presenting untested hypotheses and unproven advice is some health-guru cult of personality shit, it casts doubt on all the "innocent" or "helpful in some cases" videos, and I'm kind of waiting to see the big scam drop.
honestly i got into watching School of Life in a pretty vulnerable state in my personal life and at the time it was genuinely hard to think critically and differentiate fact from opinion, its almost shocking to look back and imagine myself absorbing this shit and it having actual harmful effects on my mental health, thanks for the video
Everyone's pointing out the inconsistency of the childhood comments, but no one mentions the inconsistency of: "Nobody likes kind people. Kindness sucks." "Friendship is the best social relationship because it allows us to be, above all, kind."
Or, "We're unsatisfied in romantic relationships because they can't live up to our parents, whose flaws and failings prompt us to seek out romantic partners. "
I understand what Alain said about friendship tho. It’s not necessarily the “best” but compared to romantic relationship, friendship is more filtered. We show our romantic partner our darker side, which is true. But there are definitely external factors on why that’s the case.
