School of Life: A Bad YouTube Channel | Big Joel 

Hey there! I hope you liked this video, and if you did, consider becoming my patron! There's an alternate version of this video on there with some different takes, and I talk a bit about a video that I couldn't talk about on here, because the video was taken down for being NSFW lol. Anyhow here's the link! www.patreon.com/bigjoel Also, do check out that footnote about modern architecture if you're interested! I think I could have made my point a bit better in a few ways (the cost of doing it on the spot, I guess). But if I make another video about School of Life, I'll get more into. The video is honestly worse than I suggested, and I wish I'd gotten into the more complicated reasons why more.

Pro Tip: If someone with a British accent says something that sounds potentially profound, repeat it to yourself in an American accent just to double-check.

I feel like the American perceived authority of a British accent is doing a lot of work for that channel

As a teenager who struggles with chronic depression, your section about adolescents felt very validating. Many people dismiss my feelings as just "teen angst" and I admit I do have some of that, but I also have feelings that need to be accepted. Thanks for not dismissing kids like me.

The worst thing about School of Life is the way it's framed like advice from a therapist or academic of some kind but it's just like... some guy's mediocre thoughts. It should be called, "Some stuff I think about I guess, by Alain Boton (some guy)". It would still be bad, but less manipulative at least.

School of Dude Trust Me

Is no one going to talk about Big Joel’s three identical, but differently-sized paintings

This guy just took every experience in his life and said "this must be universal"

"Nice people can be scary because we aren't used to it" damn School of Life who hurt you

Luckily, my childhood was terrible, so all my adult relationships are completely satisfying.

I would just like to add, my girlfriend is an animator and she has animated two school of life videos. What they do is that they get animators just out of university and hire them to do videos, but they give them a very short timeline, not much money and don’t give them much credit. They also for some reason don’t like animators using their work for their portfolios. A lot of her university friends have done a video and had the same experience. They kinda take advantage of newly graduated students and underpay them. That’s why people tend to do one video for them and then move on to hopefully better things.

This dude's literally making contradictory claims: - your childhood was SO GOOD and your parents were SO NICE to you, that now no other relationship can live up to your expectations - the only reason, why anyone would start a family is because your parents were BAD and made lots of mistakes and you want to try being a better parent like wat?

So this is what the 2% dislikes on a School of Life video look like. And I love it! You helped me understand the unexplained bad vibes I got from their videos.

School of Life really forgot about orphans, kids in abusive households, kids who live with neglectful parents, homeless kids, and immigrant kids

Alain de Boitton is the world's most divorced man

The other problem I would identify with the "romantic relationships are bad" argument is that it seems premised on "if we only judged romantic relationships by their worst possible effects, we would not want them," which is an incredibly empty argument because (1) it's true of anything, and (2) why would it be productive to try and actually understand anything by looking only at its worst possible qualities?

Personally think a friendship is a lot like a romantic relationship just without the romantic part.

Everything old was better, girls dont talk to me, im smarter than everyone.

As someone who grew up in an abusive home, "You're unhappy in your relationships because your parents were so nice to you" is the WILDEST, most sheltered take I've heard in a while lol

The thing about parties was so obnoxious and pretentious 😭 Straight up sounds like something a teenager would make up to feel better abt not being invited to their crush‘s birthday partx or smth

This whole "REALLY social people don't even like parties" sounds like some "I'm a sigma male and lone wolf, so I'm actually not an unsocial loser beta or a Chad alpha male, I'm just as good" incel copium. This whole echochamber of "don't change yourself, you're actually not flawed" is so weird. We're literally all flawed, we have self doubts, failed relationships, varying degrees of social competence, etc. What you're supposed to do is work on parts of yourself you think you could improve. I get that some people with self hate might need a nudge from a motivational video or something telling them they shouldn't feel helpless, but that should never substitute making a personal effort to improve yourself.

That theory of "parenthood makes us disappointed for romantic love" sounds extremely Freudian

"why truly sociable people don't like partying" sounds like something your mother would say when trying to convince you not to go to a high school house party when you were a teenager.

Me at 14 living in an abusive household: “Gee, I wish I didn’t feel like shit all the time” TSOL adolescent video: “Actually that’s completely normal and good and actually you should be grateful for this bad bad time you are currently having” Me: Oh. Cool I guess.

I remember watching one of his videos on why sexless relationships are inherently flawed and as an asexual, it was painful. But then I saw a video on why the oedipus complex should be brought into your sex life and I brushed off any invalidation immediately.

"We are sad later in life because our parents were so nice to us." But also: "We only start families because our parents were so terrible." Wow much thought, very smartness.

We can’t keep letting British people and their alluring accents get away with this.

6:40 It’s just such a narrow definition of “party”. Imagine if someone said “truly athletic people hate sports, because you spend most of your time either sitting in the dugout or standing around in the outfield hoping that a ball comes your way”. Or “real film buffs hate movies because they’re nothing but car chases and endless fight scenes, punctuated by the occasional implausible explosion.” And I don’t know how the speaker has any idea what is “average” or “typical” for a party, but I’d bet that “have a dozen friends over for BBQ and a movie” or “have 6 friends over for boardgames” are at least as common as “Animal House”. Maybe SoL’s observations are valid for the sort of party where it’s too loud to converse and everyone is drunk and high-but that’s not every party.

honestly i got into watching School of Life in a pretty vulnerable state in my personal life and at the time it was genuinely hard to think critically and differentiate fact from opinion, its almost shocking to look back and imagine myself absorbing this shit and it having actual harmful effects on my mental health, thanks for the video

So we start families because our childhoods weren’t good but then we feel unfulfilled in our relationships because our childhoods were good actually? Did I get that right?

School of life: youre dissatisfied with your relationship because of your nurturing relationship with your parents Me, who was abused by my parents: 👁👄👁

“Its normal for teens to experience agony so they are more satisfied with their next 6 or more decades” is making me sit here, shaking my head with my PTSD, chronic depression, and personality disorder. The statement sounds like someone who did struggle with mental health a little, and I do not want to fully discount that experience, but I cannot imagine myself or any of my friends who have had extreme mental health issues ever saying that. Its horribly ignorant, full stop.

“Sometimes people get sad, and that can get caused by a lot of things” would actually be very comforting to hear from a channel revealing itself as a mental health channel

Nice things to comment on the internet: "I had a very nice time" "Thank you" "I like the colour of your hair"

Big Joel's unscripted videos are just like his scripted videos, just with more sass

Saying parties are misanthropic is some real “I don’t have any friends” shit

I've never heard of this channel before, but based on what you've presented here, it sounds like it's entirely devoted to explaining away this guy's personal failings. "I'm not a selfish and inattentive boyfriend, romantic relationships are just supposed to be harmful."

Sounds like the guy who says he's not a feminist but an egalitarian.

I also hate how unnecessarily verbose it is, it’s annoying as hell. Like instead of saying “bagels are good” they’ll be like “these Jewish bread treats are delectably simplistic in all their toasty soft glory.”

I have an attachment disorder (among other things) because of childhood neglect. I constantly have issues with feeling like my needs aren’t being met because I have incredibly high and low expectations depending on what it is. I was never shielded from “the burden” my parents took by raising me. If anything, it’s been proven that having a healthy childhood makes your adulthood relationships more stable. That is much more believable

I was one looking for a short video about friendship for an ESL class and used one of theirs because I couldn't find anything else under 7 minutes. It was so individualistic, I decided to make a "watch the video and say why you disagree with it" activity. And even before I gave the students leading questions to say why they disagreed with it, they were already saying it was dumb.

Kind of reminds me of prager u. They are saying something with such a tone of claim authority that your subconscious accepts it as fact until the rest of your mind catches up and says “wait no, fuck that.” It’s like if the gps of your car told you to turn right into a field, your brain initially accepts that at first and then realizes that the gps is bullshit when you see what’s around you.

school of life: You're sad because there's a disconnect between your adult life and your happy childhood. *everyone who had a horrible childhood: ??*

Someone *hurt * this man, also this is just proof that you can smuggle right wing talking points into the main stream as long as you make it seem non-ideological and sound soothing while saying it

I can’t believe my suspicions on School of Life’s advice being bullshit were true. I watched their video “Are You Difficult to Love?”, and all it did was put me in a depressive state and make me believe I wasn’t worthy of love and that people were just putting up with me to be nice. I still have issues with feeling like a burden, and I can’t say that video is what caused it, but it definitely contributed if only a little bit. Edit: In retrospect, this comment doesn't get my point across. I was writing this from a place of spite, similar to how I vent, and that anger was unnecessary as being upset over a video likely wouldn't aid the strength of my argument. If I had to reword what I was trying to express, I'd say that self-help videos in general are meant to be useful to the most people they can, which means making sure to consider the variability of one's experiences and accommodating for as many as possible. Personally, School of Life failed me in that aspect, but that doesn't necessarily invalidate the people it did help. I don't want to put anyone at fault, but I do want to draw attention to that potential issue.

Jesus Christ, every day it passes the more I realise how close I was to being an actual and proper incel. It's terrifying how easy it us to fall for that kind of stuff and how hard it is to get out. I honestly believe the only thing that kept me out of it was having a significant amount of female friends

Another case of a soothing well enunciated voice tricking us into thinking an argument is good

Big Joel I usually love your videos but this was a rancid waste of my time. Could you talk to me about that? Could you explain to me a random internet person why the video wasn't a waste of my time? I respect you muchly and eagerly await your response.

that last video was such a pity party "someone left a mean comment on one of my videos and it hurt my feelings. please don't do again i might cry"

Imagine thinking Skyscrappers look the way they do because an evil guy wanted to make it look ugly and not because it is the cheapest way to build a building this tall.

There are no good RU-vid channels.

I was honestly shocked to see you made a video on this channel. I have a strong personal attachment to this channel because it’s videos on past philosophers and writers got me back into reading. I never really watched his other videos though. I think school of life has a sense of self confidence in his ideas that probably stems from personal experience and philosophies that he personally likes. It probably wouldn’t be so problematic if all this stuff wasn’t about self improvement and mental health. Because of the gravity of these topics, he has a responsibility to be correct.

That bit about the "viciousness of the insults" that happen when you love someone tells me that the person who wrote that script has never loved someone in their entire life. They talk about an abusive relationship like it's love. I feel for that person and hope their life gets better, but judging by the way they talk about other humans, and the way they seem to think their preferences and opinions have to be objectively right, the prognosis isn't great. Edit: And it gets so SPECIFIC, assuming their individual, weird hangups are universal to the human experience. "You know how we all decided to become parents when we were 14 1/2 so we could to Dad that we could do it better!?" but without the "no? Just me?" And I don't know what I was expecting from the Internet comments vid, but it sure wasn't "want to grouse? Use a thesaurus to look more polite when you whine!" Not "point out specifically what you didn't like, give constructive feedback, suggest ways to improve," but "tell them they suck in a quasi-intellectual way and demand an explanation" is actually more of a waste of time than the shorter complaint for writer and reader.

that sweater is FRESH. king

Saying friendships don't have any of the problems romantic or sexual relationships do is like saying Macs can't get viruses, only PCs can.

Ah yes, the fabled "happy childhood". I wonder what the rest of us are supposed to do.

what happened to this guy at exactly 14 and a half

In fact, growing up in a home where the child's caregivers had a healthy relationship actually helps people not end up in toxic romantic relationships later in live. A loving, healthy relationship between the parents actually models both how one should be treated by a romantic partner and also how one should treat their SO.

Attachment theory and the studies by Ainsworth and Bowbly are the closest studies that link childhood upbringing to one's romantic life as an adult. However, TSOL got it completely wrong. Children that had healthy upbringings were more likely to have healthy romantic lives as adults. The opposite of what TSOL said lol.

@Big Joel I'm puzzled because I generally very much admire you and I don't entirely see the point of what you seem to be doing now. It would be lovely if you could perhaps explain things from your, no doubt, very legitimate perspective.

to be fair I only go to SOL for their philosophy/literary explanations, mostly because they're accurate and easy to remember. Self-help in general always makes me a little skeptical because it feels like the persons that promoting the message often has an agenda or reason beyond wanting to help. So yeah, SOL is pretty decent when you go for their more objective analyses/informational dives on prominent thinkers and philosophies.

Everyone's pointing out the inconsistency of the childhood comments, but no one mentions the inconsistency of: "Nobody likes kind people. Kindness sucks." "Friendship is the best social relationship because it allows us to be, above all, kind."

The worst thing of all is they call all of their RU-vid videos "films."

To be fair, we do have sensical scientific support for childhood attachment types being indicative of certain expectations towards romantic relationships in later life (starting with Hazan & Shaver 1987). School of Life's approach to it is very rudimentary, but as a psychologist I feel like I kind of understand maybe what they've read and tried to summarise terribly.

In regards to the first video you mentioned… The first thing I thought of are oppressed and impoverished people who grow up in awful situations: abused, neglected, no secure attachment to an adult that loves them. There is ample evidence that these people struggle more in their adult relationships than people who grow up with happy childhoods. Secure attachment in childhood to an adult who loves us is practically a prerequisite to happy adult relationships. It is the foundation, the framework for relationships in general. It shows us what we should expect from people who love us. It allows us to expect and demand it. It’s not that people who grow up without that happy childhood can’t ever have a happy relationship, but they will have a harder time of it. The truth is literally the opposite of what the video said.

If a fourth painting of that girl in the red dress with the cat appears I’m gonna loose my mind

Okay but TSOL genuinely harmed my psychological state as a young teenager and older. They had all these videos about how you shouldn't break up with people because nobody is perfect and you probably won't be able to find anyone better, and it made me feel like I was a terrible person for ending relationships that weren't working out, to the level where I stayed in an abusive relationship despite the fact I could tell something was very off and I didn't want to be with this person. TSOL seriously warped my mindset around my relationships in a really misogynistic and just terrible way. PSA to any young people reading this: dump them. If it feels wrong, if they just aren't what you're looking for, if they treat you weird, leave their asses because ultimately the most important relationship you can have is with yourself, and you break your own trust and individuality by staying with the wrong people.

7:35 the title “the advantages of being just good friends” made me think of the concept in sociology of the ‘strength of weak ties’ where weaker social ties with someone can bring you more opportunities. It would’ve been an actually cool video if it was about that.

Hey Big Joel, I'm puzzled because I generally very much admire you, and I don't entirely see the point of what you seem to be doing. It would be lovely if you could explain things from your no doubt very legitimate perspective.

There is truth to the notion that childhood development leads to relationship problems down the road, but literally for the opposite reasons SoL says. When our needs aren’t met by our parents, we develop unstable attachment styles such as avoidant and preoccupied. Those styles affect both whom we date and our relationship satisfaction. That, there’s evidence for. But having a good childhood with stable attachment actually leads to better relationships in adulthood because good relationships have already been modeled to you.

Love the circular logic of “it’s good to have bad parents because that will make us start families because we want to be good parents” - like, doesn’t that imply that wanting to be a good parent is a selfish way to treat your child?

This is amazing, dude's making a whole channel trying to explain his terrible life and resentment towards others away with pseudo-psychology and trying to make it sound "smart" by saying it with a soft british voice.

I had an amazing time watching this video, I love the colour of your hair.

This dude’s projection is so powerful, he should open a movie theater.

All of School of Life videos in a nutshell: “you’re single...mommy issues...yeah you’re depressed!”

I’m obsessed with this sweater. Sometimes I just watch the videos where he wears this sweater for the sweater itself

I’m puzzled because I generally very much admire you and don’t entirely see the point of what you’re doing now. It would be lovely if you could perhaps explain things from your, no doubt, very legitimate perspective.

It’s a all Neofreudian, as someone who took a class with a Neofreudian professor.

The worst thing about this channel is they hire really talented animators and I love the animation styles they use. How dare they.

I wanna build a biography of this dude's life by how transparently he projects to the audience

we were in absolute hysterics at "i like the color of your hair" like, that's a fair comment to make if someone's dyed their hair a cool color, but like, after sex with someone who has a seemingly normal hair color seems a bit weird??

the whole “we have families because of our shitty parents” completely undermines the theory that we are unhappy in relationships because our childhoods were good and our parents shielded us

To summarize: "All unhappiness is either a natural response to the growing pains of life or a direct result of your own moral/intellectual failings. Systemic injustice doesn't exist and all perceived flaws of modern society stem from a wrong turn somewhere upstream wherein people tried to blame their unhappiness on anything other than themselves."

i hate it when i agree with something like hell yeah parties suck i dont like going to them i get anxiety and overstimulated not a fan of that, but then they put in some pretenious way, oh no i just dont like parties, i am morally righteous for not liking parties

brb putting "known man" on my business cards

Being miserable as a child just gave me depression and social anxiety, which were rather unhelpful as an adult until I got therapy in my 30s.

SoL's videos give me a strong sense that Alain de Botton needs a divorce but he's too pass-agg to ask for one directly, so he made a RU-vid channel instead.

As an architect, who has studied history of architecture, "traditional" and "modern" to be reductionist, that is not how things happened, and that's not why they are the way they are

Honestly I remember going through a rough break up and watching these videos to help overcome those feelings. I think the video that drew me in was about life. It was good for me at the time but it was SOOOO off putting how everything was about childhood. I definitely got over that phase in my life

Listening to School of Life trash relationships like bruh who hurt this dude

This guy really did make a whole channel just to tell on himself

Unfortunately this is quite standard in therapy; they will assume you have an unhealthy fault pattern rather than you have an actual valid reason to be upset

Thanks for making this video. I discovered School of Life when RU-vid stuck one into my recommended feed; I don't remember what it was called, but it was a fairy tale about not fulfilling your potential. As someone who's struggled with this sort of thing-and being the sort of nerd who's susceptible to anything with a medieval fantasy patina-I watched it, wondering how it was going to play out and see if it had any useful advice to impart. What followed was a fable that essentially taught the moral lesson "You spend all your time watching movies and internet porn and that's why you're a fat ugly failure in life." While there was certainly a kernel of truth in that stance, I felt it was a bit of a simplification as well as placing blame on the individual without taking into account societal pressures and expectations, the pervasive nature of entertainment in our era, neurodiversity and how that clashes with the expectations we're given regarding ourselves and how society works, and so on. It made me angry, and I had to make myself sit with that anger for a while to determine whether it was because I was offended by a hard truth or if there was something else going on. Your description of School of Life videos as "incel shit" is pretty damn accurate. There were red flags in the video I watched, details which immediately alerted me to the possibility that this video may have been written or sponsored by a conservative entity like Prager University or some other reactionary organization. While the fairy tale in the video spoke about the protagonist being lulled into a state of inactivity and weakness by basically watching a crystal ball that could show him anything-living vicariously through the people he watched instead of going out and accomplishing things himself in real life-the fact that it visually kept returning to him watching naked women on the crystal ball (and the climax of the tale revealing the crystal ball was a demon in disguise who had planned to foil the protagonist from accomplishing his destiny all along) sent a particularly anti-porn, anti-sex work puritanical message that my conservative Evangelical upbringing made quite familiar. As I mentioned before, the blame for the protagonist's failure in life was placed squarely on his shoulders without ever identifying other contributing factors such as limitations placed by disability, economics, or even the fact that entertainment and advertising corporations have had a century to master ways of pinging our brains. Ultimately, the self-help aura that drew me in made me a potentially receptive audience to the arguments you see espoused by fascist organizations like the Proud Boys with their anti-masturbation dogma. In the end, the video felt like it was intended to act as soft propaganda meant to onboard viewers into embracing and accepting a reactionary philosophy whose end goal is conversion to fascism. Whether that's the intention of School of Life is unknown to me. I'd like to learn more about the creator of the videos to see if they have any ties to conservative organizations, since the animation and presentation quality suggests there's money behind it. It honestly wouldn't surprise me to learn they were getting funding from groups with a reactionary political agenda.

Anyone else notice his point about having relationship problems because we had a good childhood and that we can be good adults because we had a bad childhood are contradictions?

I've always noticed this channel is OBSESSED with a bad childhood being the source of all unhappiness. It's bizarre...

Thanks for your take on School of Life. I have watched a ton of their videos and really like them, however I sometimes feel a bit misled and your analysis is helpful in pointing many of those absurd unilateral assumptions that are put out there as a “reason”. I also appreciate that you have an even and fair tone about it, it really enhances your likability and my trust in your point of view! Good job and thank you!

A sophisticated accent, serious tone, minimalistic animation... MuSt Be TrUe

This sounds like someone who's gone through some really awful relationships, starting with his parents and only continuing through life, and he's putting in a lot of effort to not recognize that he's got a lot of issues

I love how TSOL assumes that subjectivity was just not a thing before the modern art movement

Gotta say, even if this is a "bad channel" it really helped me with my last minute panic preppibg for my philosophy marticulation exams and gave me confidence. The history of western philosophy is the only series of theirs I've watched tho so can't say about the other stuff