Honestly I know the « strong not skinny » very well, all I can tell you is that it’s the disorder shaping into something else. I’ve seen this with many many people suffering from eds and all of them end up going into this mindset when it’s just compensation. I was like you thinking it wasn’t disordered at all but in the end it is and can end up in a relapse. The gym is not a really good place for people with eating disorders, if you feel like working out I’d suggest staying with low impact stuffs, or if you want to see what your body can do why choose the gym specifically ? You should try other fun stuffs, tennis, boxing, swimming i mean there are so many ways to move your body. Or otherwise just wait until you are completely recovered, please be careful with that. Take care 🤗
i also was conflicted on whether to start working out or not. what has helped me is before i work out i ask myself why i want to: "why do I want to work out this time? to be strong or lose the weight?" it has happened that even midway through the workout my intention changes and i stop working out because i start doing it for the wrong reasons.
Maybe dip your toes in the water and go once and see how you feel, you’ll know in your heart if you’re doing it to look a certain way or to feel a certain way
