Scraps: Jordan Schlansky's Masterpiece | CONAN on TBS 

This is all jordan has ever wanted. To be heard without interruption

The best part is where he pronounced Van Gogh correctly in Dutch.

Imagine being his wife and getting into an argument

The fact that he was able to wrap it back on topic each time was insane. I thought he was fucked when he started talking about paintings but he brought it back flawlessly.

Im wondering if Jordan does this, when his wife asks what he wants for dinner

I think this is the longest time Conan has ever gone without speaking

First time I've seen Conan break character and give Jordan a sincere compliment for going 6 minutes straight improv

Jordan should be a trial lawyer. He would wear any opponent down with his monologues.

Never seen Conan remain silent for so long

This dude needs his own Podcast. ..

The more I listen to Jordan the more he makes sense

Schlansky improvised this. And this is the only improvised speech ive ever heard that was 100% correct in everything it is conveying. Jordan is a genius. I wish all the best for his family and bloodline.

Jordan would have been so good in school if he forgot to do his PowerPoint presentation

Jordan just ted talk conan 😄

This went from Conan trying to goof on Jordan again, to him accidentally listening and becoming genuinely interested in what Jordan was talking about. We can make fun of him all we want, but Jordan definitely knows his stuff. It's fascinating.

That’s how you know this isn’t scripted. Nobody could remember so much bullsh*t.

Jordan is the only person who can settle down Conan with words. You can tell he respects him and could chat with him for hours while only saying a few words.

That was the longest sentence ever spoken ever

Jordan is brilliant. I love that Conan acknowledged his amazing performance.

“That’s not really relevant to what I’m talking about here, but uuhhhh… interesting nevertheless.” 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

He was actually making sense if you hear carefully.

I love the fact that they play it out, almost to exasperation, without wrapping it up for a quick laugh. That's what makes it brilliant.

Realize that this was done without cue cards. All in real time, from Jordan's mind to speech. This guy has an amazing cerebral bandwidth.

Jordan Schlansky is just my kind of guy, when he started talking about impressionist paintings I was feeling that. He does feel things deeply but he doesnt always express them

Man the struggle to keep going for 6 minutes straight... Schlansky is a boss XD

I see Jordan Schlansky, I click!

It's clear that Jordan understands Star Wars way more than anyone at Disney does.

What I love about Jordan is that you know he doesn’t try to be funny for these bits, he really just acts exactly the way he would in such a circumstance. He’d clearly thought this through before attentively, I believe it’s the same for every other trait he’s shown on the show. And yet he has the self awareness to act exactly the way he normally acts on stage and poke fun at it at the same time. It’s very clever

I really like the way he talks about Art, Culture etc. Can he start his own RU-vid show or something?

Everyone’s laughing but if you actually sit and listen it’s amazing

If he actually improvised this, then god bless this man

Man, I wish I had the same speaking skills as Jordan.

Man I love Jordan. He is such a facinating individual, and seems like the nicest guy too

Conan giving him a genuine compliment in the end is so awwwwww. Not surprising, because it’s obvious they like and respect each other, but still, awwwww

Was watching another video, got this notification, read Jordons name.. immediately clicked

Gotta give this one to Jordan...I like to believe he prepared nothing for this.

The fact that Jordan could keep that up for 6 minutes straight tells me he’s absolutely not faking, and is actually like that.

3:29 Conan has an existential crisis.

you need a lot a culture and a brain well trained to improvise like that. You need knowledge and be able to access it and make sense of it. I'm amazed.

This is the good version of the Parks and Req fillibuster. Conan shows good leadership letting his subordinate go off on a topic personal to him without interrupting him or cutting him down after he finished.

Im 3 pints of beer deep, i went to check my hair, went for a pissz went to get another can of beer came back and he was still going. Ive watches this so manybtimes and still to a degree amazes me. We love jordan

The exact moment Conan has his 'moment of clarity', cutting through the comedic lens of ridicule and condescension and giving over to the monalif of genius, the undeniable power and staggering peerless magnitude of raw unbridled talent and presence that is Jordan, recognizing him for the unique space/time x-factor cosmic essential to the human experience that he is and finally surrendering to a place of resolve to the inarguable universal truth of said acknowledged awareness of this grand singular brilliance, therefore finally giving it it's overdue respect and never looking back.

He's actually AMAZING. This is unscripted right? That comes out of his own head at the time.

Well this shows that everything he does is not scripted that's really him :D :D, even when they gave him a compliment about his performance, his reaction was indifferent :D

Can you imagine any other talk show host just letting him go on and on? This is classic!

Incredible performance by Schlansky. It’s easy to get distracted by Conan’s punchlines and witty responses during their sketches together. However, Jordan holds frame and helps set them up masterfully. I think the show segments where these guys perform together, are some of the best comedy double acts of the last 20 odd years...

I wish Jordan would write my 2500 word essay for class lol

It's impressive how little pauses he makes for this being improvised

2:10 how does the lighting on conan’s face just change like that

I actually find Jordan's speel quite interesting. Especially concerning the sound track of Star Wars and impressionistic painting. Reminds me of Francis Schaefer's documentary series called 'How Shall We Than Live?'

I waited for another Jordan video for too long, this guy is just woah.

That really resonated with me and I agree with Jordan Schlansky it’s all about the feelings being transferred to the audience

*CONAN'S THOUGHTS DURING JORDAN'S MONOLOGUE:* "So I'm probably gonna wanna get a station wagon. But with no GPS. Perhaps a pre-2000 Volvo wagon. Roomy. Reliable. Yes. And I'll need duct tape. Maybe get 6 rolls at Home Depot and pay with cash. Untraceable. And, lets see: I know he turns in around 11:30, so I'll arrive at midnight, when he'll be too disoriented to know what's happening... probably dreaming about cappuccino and male strippers... male strippers drinking cappuccino. I'll wrap him up in that Australian lamb's wool rug he brags so much about... then the duct tape. Drag him out to the Volvo-- ooh, remember to leave his cell phone at his house, and mine at my house -- GPS will get you every time. I'll drive him out to Death Valley. Bring plenty of CDs. Manilow. Streisand. The Lion King. Also, the desert gets cold at night, so I"ll wanna take a sweater. Maybe a nice cardigan. Yeah, I'll go all Mr. Rogers on his ass. Nice touch. Okay, so once I unload him onto the sand, the coyotes should be along in minutes. Shouldn't have much trouble tearing through the rug and the duct tape with their powerful canines... then that's it. No more Jordan. _(long pause)_ The thing is, this dissertation of his is actually quite remarkable. _(another pause)_ Okay, I'll wait to see how the sketch goes over. If it kills, he lives. If it bombs, he's coyote chow. Ooh, he's wrapping up now... act normal, Conezy."

One thing I learned from that is how to pronounce Vincent Van Gogh's name

To Jordan's credit he just spoke out a 6 page college level dissertation from memory. Guy must be pretty smart.

I knew that he's gonna say you're fired😁😁

Props to the one guy in the audience who was just dying laughing throughout the whole talk

it's like listening to a lecture...

That has to be the longest Conan has ever gone without speaking. I don't just mean on the show, I mean in his LIFE.

You don't need a rehearsal for Schlansky. Just put him on!

Ive never heard Jordan talk so much. Ive never heard ANYONE talk so much. Genius, hwvr I wish he’d ended back on Star Trek and Star Wars.

As a Dutchman I love how he tried to pronounce Van Gogh at 3:56

Who else came here just for Jordan Schlansky? 😂

Jordan should start a podcast.

HAHA. I knew I wouldn't regret clicking on some Conan/Jordan. Now I want some Clueless Gamer.

schlansky.exe stopped responding. error has occurred. contact microsoft service for assistance

I had insomnia once, my DR prescribed me Jordan's Monologue on star wars. Worked like a charm.

The worst part about people who go on like this IRL is when they suddenly ask you a question. What To Do: Just laugh and go, "yeah". They'll ask what was so funny. Instead of revealing you weren't paying attention at all just tell them you forgot... And they'll never try to talk to you again. Amazing.

just sitting there to see how long he can go on, and it totally crush his expectation XD

Honestly I wish I could talk as much as jordan. He has a lot of confidence

ironically, Jordan is exactly the man who would concentrate not on the feeling the artwork is trying to convey, but on the minerals and elements included in the clay that was used to make that artwork

This is what Jordan meant by "I have various duties and responsibilities"

Um. This was incredible.

I know Conan and Jordan are friends and Jordan has been with Conan for a long time. I know this was meant to be a gag, but the fact that Conan didn’t cut him off and kept it going and also complimented him for his words was actually very heartfelt. I hope Conan and Jordan stay friends forever. They’ve brought me a lot of happiness in my life.

I like how Jordan basically comes out and presents his graduate thesis.

Proof that Jordan Schlansky is an improvisational genius

And he's NOT reading from a teleprompter! That's Jordan Schlansky for you.

putting this through MLA format, Jordan just improvised the equivalent of a four page essay on why star wars is better than star trek on the spot

Here's Jordan's speech transcribed, and boy, is it long… Well, Star Trek is grand in our own frame of reference, and as such suffers from the limits of our own trite reality. In fact, Star Wars delves more into the world of fantasy and mythology, and touches on some universal mythological themes that have been present across humanity since the beginning of time, you'll find that most cultures on Earth share a common mythology, in fact the Greek Odysseus was known as Ulysses in Rome, the Greek Zeus was known as Jupiter in Rome, the Greek Poseidon was known as Neptune in Rome, and you're talking about of a young farm-boy from the middle of nowhere that goes up against a great oppressor, and this story is common a lot in mythology, such as Davey and Goliath, and you'll find again that this touches the core human emotion that we all need to explore through a fantasy world those constants which we cannot achieve in our own reality world. Now, on another note, I find that the, uh, universal worldwide acceptance of Star Wars is grounded in this commonality that we all share instead of being limited through one frame of reference, through one focal point, we can see things in a cross-cultural manner, if you will, and in fact, to expand on that a little bit, I think that you’ll find that the Star Wars Universe is relatable for any culture on Earth, any economic standing, any financial standing on Earth, because again, we’re talking about themes that are core to the concept of humanity in general and emotional. Furthermore, I can tell you that the types of themes that you’re talking about in Star Trek are limited towards a certain set of circumstances that exist in, almost a two-dimensional plane, where in Star Wars you’re really exploring different feelings about humanity, happiness, sadness, all of the various spectrum of the human existence, and I find that even though you are talking about characters that are often not human, we as human beings can identify through their struggles, and you’ll find that most great storytelling has to deal with a protagonist, an ordinary person up against extraordinary odds, and I think that if you look at the literature across the history of recorded time, you’ll find that a lot of the greatest stories have followed that same theme. The storyline is almost unimportant, because you’re talking about grand themes here, about human achievement when faced with unlikely odds, and furthermore I can tell you that beyond that, it’s something that we can all agree upon, it is all something we can all identify with, and relatability, I’m sure you know, as someone that works in the storytelling world, is a concept that is necessary to have an audience invest themselves into the story that you’re telling. I’ll also tell you that the Star Wars Universe, while on some level is very exotic, had a musical soundtrack grounded in nineteenth century romantic music, and in fact, I can relate Star Wars, the appeal of it, towards some of the great impressionist paintings like Dutch Van Gogh, because his paintings, although not photographic if you will, or photorealistic, inspired our own imagination to latch onto the concepts present in the painting, and for example, if you look at Van Gogh’s Starry Night, you’ll see that again, while it doesn’t necessarily look exactly like a city and stars, and the wind blowing through the trees, you can feel the feeling of what it was like to be in that situation. You know, unlike looking at a photograph, which again gives you that two-dimensional representation; a split second, a microsecond in time, if you will, and if anyone knows that’s had a bad photograph taken in a split second in time, doesn’t often represent the whole picture. However, when you’re talking about the idea of a painting, and certainly an oil painting, an impressionist oil painting, you’re not necessarily capturing all of the minute details, you’re capturing a feeling. Now, how do you put a feeling down on canvas? How do you put a feeling down on the screen? Well, that’s the job of the artistic storytelling, and in fact the storyteller in this case took his own human emotions, his own human struggles, and that of others, and put them into a fantastic circumstance, which none of us could have possibly experienced, yet, can all take pride in, relate to, again, the young, struggling farm-boy wanting to be part of a- now these are the things that were touched upon in 1976’s Rocky, I’m talking about the original Rocky; it wasn’t about winning the fight, that movie’s not a boxing movie, that movie is about an ordinary guy (Producers laugh) placed in extraordinary circumstances; a guy… he was the underdog, you know, another common concept you find in a lot of literature. He was the underdog that wanted to make a- -all he wanted to do was go the distance. He wanted to make it to the Philadelphia Spectrum. It probably has some corporate branded name now, but at the time in 1976, shot in 1975, it was called the Philadelphia Spectrum because theatres and arenas, amphitheaters, had real names back then, uhh, I think Fenway Park is still named as such Candlestick park, I’m sure it’s been renamed, I don’t really follow sports myself, but I’ve heard these terms said, and I know that a lot of the original, like Shea Stadium was like Citi Bank Field, or something, but (clears throat) that’s not really relevant to what I’m talking about here, but uuhhhh… interesting nevertheless. However, umm, what I’m saying is that for an artist to accurately portray a feeling on film or canvas, or whatever the medium; I mean, you could be talking about a mound of clay, really the artistic medium is irrelevant, and when a singer gets up and sings, you don’t care about the vocal cords vibrating at certain frequencies, you’re trying to take part in or relate to a certain feeling that that artist is trying to convey. When a sculptor takes a look at a hunk of mud and clears away certain sections to make this great monolith of art, again, it’s not about the minerals that are present in the mud, it’s about the feeling that you’re trying to convey. (Applause and laughter) Conan- You’re fired. Get the f*** out of here and never come back.

Teacher: "Prepare a 2000 word essay due next class" Jordan: "Hold my latte"

Lyrics: Well Star Trek is gounded in our own frame of reference, and as such suffers from the limits of our own trite reality. In fact Star Wars delves more into the worlds of fantasy and mythology and such as on some universal mythological s-themes that have been present across humanity f-since the beginning of time, you'll find that most cultures on earth share a common mythology in fact (uh) the Greek Odysseus was known as Ulysses in Rome (uh), the Greek Zeus was known as Jupiter in Rome, the Greek Poseidon was known as Neptune in Rome. And you're talking about a story of a young farm boy from the middle of nowhere that goes up against a great oppressor. And this story is common in a lot of mythologies such as Davy and Goliath, and you'll find again that this touches a core human emotion that we all need to explore through a fantasy world those concepts which we can-n-not achieve in our own reality world. Now on another note I find that the (uh) universal world wide acceptance of Star Wars is also grounded in this commonality that we all share, instead of being limited through one frame of reference, through one focal point, we can see things f-in a cross-cultural manner if you will. And in fact, to expand on that a little bit, I think that (uh) you'll find that (uhh) the Star Wars universe is relatable for any culture on earth, any economic standing, any financial standing on earth, because again we're talking about themes that are core to the concept of humanity in general and emotional. Furthermore, I can tell you that the types of things that you're talking about in Star Trek are limited towards a certain set of circumstances that it exists in, almost a two-dimensional plane. Where in Star Wars you're really exploring different feelings about humanity; (uh) happiness, sadness, all the (uh) various spectrum of the human existence. And I find that even though you're talking about characters that are often not human, we as human beings can identify through their struggles and you'll find that g-most great storytelling has to deal with a protagonist, an ordinary person up against extraordinary odds. And I think that if you look at the literature across the history of recorded time, you'll find that a lot of the greatest stories have followed that same theme. The storyline is almost unimportant because you're talking about grand themes here about human achievement when faced with unlikely odds. And furthermore, I can tell you that (uh) beyond that, it's something that we can all agree upon, it is all (uh) something we can all identify with. And relatability, I'm sure you know as (uh) someone that works in the storytelling world, is a concept that (uh) is necessary to i-have an audience invest themselves in the story that you're telling. (uhm) I'll also tell you that the (uh) Star Wars universe (gulp) while on some level is very exotic had (uh) a musical soundtrack grounded in 19th century romantic music. And in fact, I can relate Star Wars, the appeal of it, toward some of the great impressionist paintings like the (uh) Dutch Van Gogh, because (uh) his paintings although not (uh) photographic if you will or photorealistic, (uh) inspired our own imagination to latch on to the concepts present in the painting. And for example if you look at (uh) Van Gogh's (uh) Starry Night you'll see that (uh) again, while it doesn't necessarily look exactly like a city and stars and the wind blowing through the trees, you can feel the feeling of what it was like to be in that situation. You know, unlike looking at a photograph which, again, gives you that two-dimensional representation, a split-second, micro-second, in time if we will and-and-and as y-anyone knows that's had a bad photograph taken of them a split second in time doesn't often represent the whole picture. However, when (uh) when you're talking about the idea of a painting and certainly an oil painting, an impressionist oil painting, you're not necessarily capturing all the minute details, you're capturing a feeling. Now how do you put a feeling down on canvas, how do you put a feeling down on the screen? Well that's the job of the artistic storyteller and in fact (uh) the storyteller in this case took his own human emotions, his own-m human struggles and that of others and put them into a fantastic circumstance which none of us could have possibly experienced yet can all take pride in, relate to. Again, the young struggling farm boy wanting to be a part of (unintelligible). Now these are things that were touched upon in 1976's Rocky, I'm talking about the original Rocky. It wasn't about winning the fight, that movie is not a boxing movie, that movie is about an ordinary guy placed in extraordinary circumstances. A guy- he was the underdog you know, and other common concepts you find in a lot of literature, he was the underdog that wanted to make good. All he wanted to do was go the distance. He wanted to make it to the Philadelphia Spectrum, it probably has some corporate branded name now, but at the time, 1976, w-shot 1975, it was called a Philadelphia Spectrum. T-these theaters and arenas, amphitheaters, had real names back then (uh) you know. I think Fenway Park is still named as such, Candlestick Park I'm sure has been renamed. I don't really follow sports myself but I've heard these terms said and I know that a lot of the (uh) original, like Shea Stadium I think it's like Citibank Field or something. But (ahem) that's not really relevant to what I'm talking about here but (uuh) interesting nevertheless. (ah-uh) However (uhm) what I'm saying is that (uh) for an artist to accurately portray a feeling (uh) on film or s-a canvas or whatever the medium, I mean you could be talking about a mound of clay, really the artistic medium is irrelevant. When a singer gets up and sings y-you don't care about the vocal cords vibrating at certain frequencies, you're trying to take part in or relate to a certain feeling that that artist is trying to convey. When a sculptor takes a look at a hunk of mud and clears away certain sections to make this great monolith of art, again it's not about the (uh) minerals that are present in the mud, it's about the feeling that you're trying to convey.

Conan: I didn't know I was supposed to cut you off. Also Conan: I wanna see how long he can keep this up.

I'm now convinced that Jordan's "various tasks" mainly consist of having a monologue prepared for every conceivable topic. It's the on-going herculean effort to be so well-prepared for "various" subjects.

What's so scary is that Jordan is actually being very articulate - even though none of us care what he's talking about, he actually does and that's what makes this so much more funny.

I loved how no one, not even Andy, tried to intervene or interrupt Jordan's speech...They all knew this was pure magic to be enjoyed up to its full extent...This nerve-wracking moment of television brought to you by Mr. Jordan Schlansky...

The INSTANT I see Jordan Schlansky, I click.

He basically verbally dictated an essay about film as an art form on the fly. I wish I had that ability for my sociology essay due this week

He just kept talking in one long incredibly unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic so that no one had a chance to interrupt, it was really quite hypnotic.

this guy wrote a 10 pages essay on the spot

This is funny but it also shows that Jordan Schlansky is borderline genius. He has a wealth of knowledge and is able to expound on it at length. That's pretty impressive.

Laugh all you want, Jordan is a genius. A man of various knowledge. A walking encyclopedia.

I forgot he was talking about Star Wars half way through

Conan is sitting there trying to remember if he shut the garage door.

There should be a show "keeping up with Jordan schlansky"

I know the whole Jordan Schlansky character is a satire, but even if he wouldn't be so deadpan in real life, for him to come up with that essay on art off the cuff, they've got to be real thoughts swirling inside his head somewhere. He must be really intelligent to pull that off, especially considering he didn't expect to continue for nearly as long.

This is actually beautiful. I love seeing people express love of their passion no matter if I share the passion or not its just a thing I appreciate. On top of all that Jordan is a very articulate speaker and what he's saying actually has meaning which is very impressive especially to someone like me who can't even form an entire sentence at almost 20 years of age. Genuinely fascinating.

Seriously, you can never have too much of Jordan Schlansky!

I think Conan accidentally started listening, realized he’d listened too long to interrupt in a way that made sense comedically, and figured, well, let’s see how far he can take this.

This is absolutely incredible and has single handedly convinced me that Jordan deserves whatever theyr paying him for whatever he does at this show

He must have killed communication class