Scripting in Autism 

"I don't like to interact, I like to connect. And if there is no connection then I don't want to interact." That's.. Wow. Yes. That- That just changed my life, I can't even begin to describe how eye opening hearing this sentence was. Thank you!!

Scripting doesn't give me anxiety, but knowing that I will run out of scripts, or come across a situation where I don't have a script prepared gives me anxiety.

I wish there was a place where autistic adults published their social scripts notes for different general scenarios. I need help with this.

As an older guy who has not been diagnosed, I find comfort watching all ASD related videos, whether female or male, because I relate to almost everything. This video especially hits hard since I have never “scripted” in my life and I have always felt my mind went blank when attempting to talk to people whether friends, family, or strangers. I have a friend who says he practiced every day for years in order to engage with people, and it has worked out extremely well for him. However, he does not feel he is on the spectrum. He blames a learning disorder and social anxiety. As for me, the more I watch these videos I can see how much I relate to those on the spectrum. Maybe someday I. Will get an assessment and diagnosis,but for now it feels better just watching videos.

My autism: need to script, know where I’ll be, what we’ll be doing, how to get there, etc., in advance *anxiety intensifies* My ADHD: Aw, come on, we’ll just wing it! What could go wrong? *impulsivity intensifies* Our brains are wild, y’all. 😂

Taking improv acting classes made a huge difference for me. There's rules in improv standard practice for how to write a script on the fly and it helped me be a lot more flexible.

I definitaly script in certain situations, and at my customer service job, I sometimes find myself go silent and blank, deep in panic mode when a customer says something off topic not related to the job I'm doing that I haven't prepared for. I also remember a situation years ago, long before my ADHD and ASD diagnoses, with my first psychiatrist, where I expressed my need to always mentally prepare our conversations before each session (beyond the "what's the theme of today). He replied with "Don't you think that's more my job than yours?" to kind of release me from the task I felt I was doing. It makes so much sense now though! Phonecalls are a nightmare (why though?!), and without scripting I start to ramble and mess up my sentences and not get to the point, or not make sense. In social situations I can always rely on the humor from my favourite TV shows as comebacks. Thank you for another great video, Irene! ❤

This was very interesting to hear. I'm 18 pursuing a diagnosis. I script in the shower, in the car, during class and probably other places but all in my head. I can have unexpected interactions but after the common small talk scripts I tend to blank out and I go into interview mode where I just keep asking them questions. It's kind of funny because I have a specific way I greet each of the people I know and I do exactly the same every time, I just feel like there's no other way to do it.

I feel like my scripting comes in a form of talking out loud as if I’m speaking to the other person even tho they aren’t actually there. I do this a lot regarding therapy. When I’m alone I talk aloud like I would to my therapist, but once I’m in my actual appointment and she asks me something I’m not prepared to answer, I go blank and it’s very frustrating as i feel I’m fumbling for words and I start to dissociate alot to the point I completely forget what the question she even asked was and I have to have her repeat it. I also find myself looking in the mirror alot , and watching my face and how I make certain facial expressions just so I know what I look like while I do them to make sure I’m doing it right

yess I can only do genuine deep connections , anything else feels almost painful

Oh. Connection vs interaction is a good way to define that.

I do that a lot. I was judging myself for doing this thinking I'm masking and being manipulative. I even thought I was a narcissist. But if I have autism, this makes so much sense. Thanks 🙏

I feel so seen! 🥺I would often tell my friends that I’m a succulent and friendship is water and sunlight and like I can go longer periods without the social Interaction but when I need it , I need it to survive

Thank you for making this content. I script constantly, the car, the shower, I will practice introductions that ive done surly a million time, practice tone, make faces in the mirror, practice smiling etc. Im a high masking individual and im aware of how easy I make social interaction "Look" but if only people could see me scripting in the car going over basic "hi how are you's" 😅. Your content is helping people like me!

This was such an interesting video! I loved hearing about your experiences with this. I don’t script to the same degree, because instead I tend to have a memorized set of questions that I ask every new person that I meet. I do make individual scripts if I have to make an important phone call, or have an important conversation or deal with any form of conflict, otherwise I won’t be able to communicate properly or say what I want to say. When I get past my list of questions with new people, if we have things in common I then talk about the things we have in common, like special interests, but if we don’t have things in common, I just don’t really talk to them. With people I’m very comfortable with, I tend to go into my ‘default social mode’ which is generally monologging about things I’m interested in. This definitely has lost me some friendships, but the friends that stick around generally like to talk about similar things, or love me even if I sometimes ramble about something for way too long lmao! 😂 Thanks for making great content!

I have tried to explain scripting to people but they never seem to understand what I mean. This explains it so well! My partner is most likely on the spectrum also and we have found a good method of communication. Neither of us are good on the phone and texting is too impersonal. We send each other voice messages instead. I like how this allows me to delete a message before sending if my adhd takes me off the rails and we get our connection from hearing each other's voice. We don't have to infer tone as it comes through as if we are having a conversation.

Wow. Never knew this is what it’s like going to run errands and I’m only mentally prepared to interact with the cashier. If someone else tries to strike up convo I’m mute or maybe force out something awkward and short. Thank you for your content. It’s helping me better understand all the ways I’ve been living with undiagnosed autism.

I don't script as much as you describe, I do script a lot. One of the things I liked about my previous job was that any social interactions that happened with clients were scripted and memorized. People would sometimes bring it to a more personal space which made me uncomfortable but I could speak a little bit about me, little about them and then bring it back to the script easily. I don't necessarily script around friends or family unless there is something specific. I will script specific interactions like gift giving or what to say when someone is grieving. And I have a ready to go script for small talk and aquatince interactions. Also need to know who exactly is going to be somewhere. I think my family knows I'm weird and quiet and flat faced. So I don't have a ton of pressure to mask although I am expected to be performative to some extent so I still find it exhausting sometimes. I think I've also masked and scripted for so long that I have some stuff memorized and ready to to. I run into issues when people ask me personal questions though. That probes into whats behind the mask and I find that very uncomfortable.

As someone less than 12 months into realising that I am almost certainly autistic it's still WILD to me to realise that everyone doesn't do this 🤯 I have a huge mental file of small talk, jokes, turns of phrase, facts, book recommendations etc etc that I'm constantly drawing from when I talk. I'm always adding to the file phrases I hear in books, podcasts and YT videos. I also script intensively before spending time with friends, I'll go over our texts and note things in my phone to talk about with them and make sure that I've remembered what's going on with them and what supportive questions I want to ask them about it. I just realised typing this that I think it's one of the reasons making new friends and dating is so difficult because there's sort of two different processes; relying on my file of things I can pull out on the fly and then preparing for a more intimate conversation. Moving from acquaintances to friends with people requires moving from the on the fly stuff to the more intensive prep and often requires me to spend some time in no man's land where I have to make it up as I go which is tricky and exhausting.

going through so many of your videos and so much of it feels so comforting and reassuring that i am not alone in my experiences that i tell people what i find difficult or different from others. its also a little scary how similar i feel that we are sometimes, you have such a comforting voice and perspective that feels so safe. your explanations and way you articulate many symptoms are so useful to me too since i find it so easy to understand! it makes me so happy referring back to your videos in order for me to learn more about myself. Thank you for all your hard work ☺youre so cool and amazing!!!

Sooo relatable. I didn’t realize how much scripting impacted me until this video. When I was

I learned how to socialize by watching sitcoms lol. That got me through high school 😂

I am not diagnosed but so many of your videos resonate with me. Especially this one. Thanks so much!

I didn't realize how much I scripted till I watched this video. I did stop scripting as much after a very intense burnout and depression, but that has also meant I don't have any friends right now. I'm trying to decide if I should script again and how to do it in a way that I'm kinder to myself and don't burn out. Thank you! I should also note that when I did script a lot...I did have a lot of "acquantances" but still no friends. So, I don't know if scripting actually helped me make friends, or just helped me on the surface. I feel like because of how much I was masking, those people never got to know me and those never deepened to friendships. Even with my job - scripting helped me get the job, but I would still lose it eventually. I don't know how to go about things so that I can actually form deeper connections and sustain them.

You explain things so clearly! Thanks for this. I don't think too much detail on what I am going to say in advance. I think that's the ADHD in me wanting to live in the moment. But having a general idea of what I am going to say does help, and also talking one on one in a specific environment that I can control means I can just focus on one thing at a time. I'm also with you on having friends that I see once every month or few months. I do have a friend I see more often, and it just flows with us because they are talkative so I don't feel the need to think about what I'm going to ask, they'll just tell me anyway, and I can add my thing when I'm ready and they'll listen. And we have common interests, that defo helps.

Hi Irene, wow I’m so impressed. I have watched a number of your videos yesterday and today and so relate to what you are saying. Just recently self dx ASD at age 61 if you can believe that. It really helps to hear others stories. Thank you so very much for putting yourself out there.

I don’t like the idea of diagnosing myself but I def have all the thing she has been saying on almost every video. And the problem is how I say this to my family and how I get them to believe.

You are so refreshing. I'm getting screened tomorrow for autism and I've been watching your TikTok/RU-vid to calm myself.

This was SPOT ON. every single part I related to.

You explained this so well without being 'clinical'. I thought everyone did this kind of thing until recently 😆 Thank you!

I have bilateral frontal lobe syndrome. at 15 I lost a large portion of my right prefrontal cortex (PFC) in a life saving surgery due to a tumor. My left PFC atrophied to the same volume, to... whatever it felt it had to do. As a result I can't be formally be diagnosed with ADHD or ASD. However, I know I absolutely have all that y'all speak of. Except, I have no inhibition. I'm an extrovert, but being 6'4", built like a cinder block with limbs and having flat affect, even asking a simple question, I know I scare a lot of people. I really wish I had someone like Irene that I could relate to in my situation, but in all of the ways I do relate with her in her videos, I think she's a hero in her world. My son is diagnosed with ADHD and ASD, so I can't help wondering if he got it from me. If I didn't have FLS that I would be a late diagnosis of this. When I say I relate, I mean I could check ALL of the boxes except for introversion. Even so, I do have to do a great deal of mental preparation before any connection/interaction. In this I'm a walking paradox! I don't know where to go for myself, but this sort of discussion really helps! Please keep it up Irene! great job.

OMGsh, I do this, always have! It is horrible when it's keeping me awake. Sometimes I decide to just write it down and send it. I just started watching these videos from a few RU-vidrs but was told a few years ago by a female coworker that has ASD that she thinks I am too. I don't do the movie type of scripting. It is the conversations. It's so overwhelming. So much energy.

I’m 37 and haven’t been diagnosed and only started looking into autism after trying to date after 8 years. I’ve had one relationship that lasted more than a few months and not many total. It didn’t work out well because I couldn’t describe my feelings and she kept telling me I was taking things to literal. I don’t have friends and don’t know how to make any. I don’t script like you do because it never goes how I predicted but I still go over what I think might happen and responded to certain questions if they come up.

yeah I understand this scripting description of youself.

'I don't want to interact, I want to connect'.. I feel that!! 🥲

So relatable, thank you for this video 😊👍💓

This is scarily relatable. Thank you for making these videos.

Heavy relate to everything in this video, thank you for making this content!! Its put into words the things that I do in my life that I struggle to explain.

I took a class in improv acting, and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Now I approach conversations with the techniques that improv actors use

It’s like this for me too. Thank you from Montréal ❤️

You are a life saver 🙏❤️

I completely relate to this video 💜 Thank you so much for sharing your journey and your perspectives ❤

You're videos help me so much.

I don’t script before…. I always overthink everything I said and what the person I talked to said after the conversation ended and then I script what I could have said….😊

You are amazing! Thank you so much 4 doing what you do 4 people like us in the autism community they are inspiring, encouraging and it makes my day to hear about your experiences and feel your positive energy! As a blogger who writes about her experiences as an autistic individual, I try hard every month to be as open, honest, and authentic as you. I hope that if you ever get the chance to read my blogs from the email I sent you, you'll be able to share my blogs in your next video because I want people to know about my work and be inspired by me as much as I am inspired by you. I also think it would be a great video 2 make 4 other autistic creators who try to get their stories out to inspire people and they would appreciate the support as well. Anyway, keep doing what you're doing. You're amazing, and people like me are fortunate and lucky 2 have such a strong and powerful voice in you representing the autism community!

This was so validating

Thank you, it’s so helpful hear about your experience with scripting. I relate so much to having fewer friends, but deeper, and having more time in between interactions.

You've given me more information, more validation, and more assurance than any medical professional I haver ever spoken to. I've struggled for decades in almost abject silence, alone, with no idea - Thank you for your help

I really love your content 🙏🏾, I hope you keep having people in your life you don’t have to script intensely for

Thank you for sharing. I relate highly with this. I like your positive affirmations at the end of your vids.

I have issues interacting on the telephone, to the point that I will do anything to avoid using it. Before I get on the phone, I need to know what the discussion topic is, etc. so that I can script out my part of the conversation. This extends into business meetings as well. I view most meetings as something that should have been an email. Often when forced into a meeting, a question is asked, I write it down, and say I will get back to you with the answer. It is either that or we sit in silence while I thoroughly research the issue. This awkward exchange could easily be avoided by simply sending a text or email.

OH MY GOD THERE’S A WORD FOR THIS?!

I do this quite often and I’m glad I found your channel ! It makes me feel less alone and comfortable 🫶🏾

Thank you for your video, it helped me understand I have the same pattern

Dang, I'm the same way with phone calls. My Mawmaw's used to it though and I can just hand her the phone if it gets too much and she'll finish it

I'm very late to the conversation, but hearing you has made me realise I script too. I'm someone who has no internal monologue as such and I find thinking "in words" extremely hard. Since the only words in my head are usually disconnected phrases or bits of songs that keep repeating themselves out of the blue, I couldn't relate much to the idea of scripting dialogues in detail. However, I do spend a LOT of time going over the idea of an upcoming interaction, who am I going to meet, where, why, what are my goals... when you mentioned conducting a research, I giggled. That's exactly it. I spend so much energy researching and mentally preparing for each interaction. Even if I don't have the exact words in my head, I have conceptualised the whole thing in an abstract but detailed manner. I know in advance which of my "characters" is the one I have to wear, together with topics of conversation, levels of formality, tone of voice and ways to express myself 😭 I also have a list (in paper) with all the information I might need whenever I make phone calls. For new interactions like filling in job applications I usually write templates in advance. First time noticing I've depended on these preparations this much. Anyone else scripts without internally monologuing the dialogues? PS: I'm new to your channel and been binge watching a lot of the content. Thank you for your videos, they are very calming and relatable!

I script for when I have to talk over the phone (I literally write what I'm going to say out, like you do). I know I sometimes sound robotic because I'm reading from my script lol. 😅 Or even sometimes write out my texts first in a notepad, then actually text it when I'm ready. As far as normal social situations I don't script, because I think that the conversation will go way differently that what I prepared for. 🤷‍♀️ I do kind of try to think of a few things to say though before having to talk in person in a social situation. Otherwise I usually just don't have much to say. Unless it's a subject we're talking about that I'm interested in. 🤷‍♀️

Great video, I feel for me scripting is an anxiety thing based in fear of going blank in a conversation or not being about to map non linear thinking to linear speech. I think the blankness is to a large degree maybe triggered by anxiety like brain fog from social stress, that then cutting a thought chain then stressing out trying to get back in same node in chain to continue conversation. I feel maybe for me the more I stress the deeper into temporary oblivion. I can generally recovering quickly enough when blanking out so I feel I have script a lot less then in the past because I found it more stressful then just accepting possibly looking weird or blanking out. I feel I don’t blank out as much now 🤔 It’s interesting I feel lot of issues that I experience is anxiety of anxiety or anxiety based fear of having anxiety and the burnouts and mental shut downs triggered by the Anxiety. 🤔 I found zen meditation and trying accept things as they come to be personally helpful.

Everything you mentioned that has to do with the social interactions other than preparing what you say beforehand.. is just what I want in a social interaction. I don't do a lot of expression with my face or voice (unless I pretend, but pretending doesn't take too much energy for me), and no one around perceives me to dislike them because they know me. I don't talk about things that I don't care about, because that's tiring and boring. I can function in a big group environment, but I don't like it, my ears get overwhelmed. I focus on people I like, and if I get tired of talking to them, I just stop. No hard feelings, because we're friends, and they don't think it's weird that I get tired of talking. I need to have a shared interest in order to be friends with someone, but often I don't get involved in a friendship unless I also enjoy the way the person acts and it's entertaining to talk to them even if it's about something I don't particularly care about. I make that allowance because I infodump to them about things that they might not care about as well, and it wouldn't be fair to cut them off for that. All in all I don't think anything about the way you treat social interactions is unusual or not socially acceptable other than the fact that you prepare everything you say beforehand. Maybe I do this subconsciously? I have a dictionary that I pull words and phrases out of when I have something to say, but I don't think too hard about accessing the dictionary, and sometimes I vary it up deliberately so I don't sound like a robot. I love rambling, it makes me feel more validated because I do it too :D

You know it's terrifying how you use all the same terminology I use. Like when you compared talking to manual vs. Stickshift in another video I have literally used that EXACT same analogy to describe how I talk. I've also used the performance analogy because talking does feel performative. I don't think I am on the spectrum because I definitely do not have alexithymia. But ones things for sure I do have pretty strong introversion. Like it gets to a point where I will avoid people for months because that's just what I like. Another thing too is that I never stim and I don't have "specialized interests" like someone on the spectrum has. This just leaves me to believe Im just a little quirky and that's it I suppose? I dunno.

I'm glad I haven't had to script as much lately, because I mostly only hang out with my friends. But I'll need to do it much more soon when I move to college. I feel weirdly out of practice.

I can't say how many times I've said things and then thought "I wasn't supposed to say that" bc it was just what I usually said

I always thought that nitpicking past conversations in my head and feeling lost when a conversation gets derailed was normal!! It's happened more recently cause i started going to a new church, and ive found that im able to converse better when I wasn't expecting to talk to anyone! It all flows so much more freely when I hold no expectations for how it will go or what we'll talk about! Only if someone else starts talking first tho, I will rarely ever start a conversation if I haven't worked on a script for at least 20 minutes 😂

Would you be able to do a video on the best industries or career paths for Neurodivegent ppl? I know that is a tricky one, because there will be a lot of generalisations, but I do feel like some career paths are more ND-friendly or open to progressive attitudes than others. Btw, as a young 20s female who's awaiting an official ADHD & ASD diagnosis, I find your content super helpful and also really easy to listen to! 🌿🦋

I have meltdowns about every week. And I am constantly feeling drained. I used to have them every day. It fluctuates. I really relate to your videos. And I'm not sure if I do have asd, or if I am just neurodivergent. I have struggled so hard my whole life, and this is the only thing that seems to make sense (besides having depression). I see now that my family struggles with similar things to varying degrees. Anyways, I love your videos and how you represent women with autism as it doesn't present as one would typically think of.

I myself actually recently have had to script for a video portion of an assignment that I had to do to for school. It took a few hours prior to not only write the script but to also rehearse beforehand from what I was saying to my facial expressions, body language, gestures, and tone. The actual attempt took about 15 tries before it was perfect. By the end, I was worn out to the point of me going nonverbal because it took me this many attempts in order for it to be perfect so I can submit my assignment. When I script, I only do it if it's necessary like phone calls, making an order, buying things for myself or doing video portions for assignments at school. I'm not so worried about how the person is going to respond while I'm going off on my script but I do have to be alert in trying to figure out what to say. It's just a matter that if I don't have my script ready, I will start stuttering to the point of word vomit and going nonverbal which has only happened a few times. In terms of events, I do need to know almost everything that goes on from start to finish.

I always do it too. But I still get burn out.

I did not know that was a thing... I do this! I have a diagnosis but thought it was part of masking.

My least favorite thing is when I try to describe this to family members about why I don't like interacting and they just reply with "just be yourself" 🙃. It's not like I'm trying to put on a persona but at the same time, masking and scripting does definitely feel like putting on a character

Story of my life

I have learned over 42 years how to converse but it was a hard road with alot of negative reinforcement. Im pretty good on my feet now though out of alot of experience, but i still play nearly every conversation in my head ahead of time. I am able to "plan fast" i guess now but i literally "say" it in my head and in some cases i can kind of see the words. I never thought about any of this though. I thought everyone did this which made me wonder why certain people would think its a good idea to say what theyve just said. NTs should plan their conversations ahead better

we love you honey

Sometimes I'll forget how to speak or just run out of neurotransmitters such that I can no longer bring words to my frontal lobe and say them.

My little sister was a liar, and she'd lie even for things that didn't matter. It also seemed like she got away with a lot more, while I would get in trouble for little things. I never lied, but seeing my little sister getting away with so much, I decided I should start lying, too, so I wouldn't get in trouble so much. It didn't take long until I realized I needed to start preparing for the questions my parents would ask me, but I would always prepare for the wrong questions and my dad was really good at asking specific questions that I hadn't thought of answers for already. I wouldn't be able to come up with any lies on the spot, so I would usually just end up telling the truth because I couldn't think of a lie. (Except when it came to my grades. That was the only thing I would lie about no matter what.)

I know scripting hurts and you know when I do when I'm not doing anything on my free time I just come up with basic Scripts .

I frequently script from obscure media.

I'm not autistic, but I work with many children who have been diagnosed with it. I always wanted to understand scripting. It's interesting to hear that you get exhausted without it. To me, it sounds exhausting to have to think so much about it. Thanks for the info.

Not sure if I have autism, but I do have ADHD and major social anxiety/agoraphobia-like symptoms. I find myself playing out potential conversations and walk through certain scenarios, but nothing feels predictable enough to script (even if I could commit a script to memory) and I often get overwhelmed just thinking through the possibilities. On top of that, once I let myself start talking, I'm such a motormouth that it's plenty effort just to stop myself from rambling. It works out though, I'm 99% sure i just come off nervously friendly lol

The more I watch autism videos, the less autistic I feel. I think I just have severe BPD, maybe executive functioning issues, because most of my social mistakes come from being impulsive and I don't script etc. I just feel like everyone is against me and I feel like I cannot relate to anyone emotionally because I am dead inside. I just act like a person who is desperate for validation and has too much black/white thinking but can read a situation well. A lot of people just don't like my "vibe" because I'm in fight/flight almost all the time. If I feel calm the social situation usually goes well. I just split or do impulsive or careless things when anxious.

I feel like I can only communicate through scripting. Like I've got this bank of scripts in my head, and I can even pause to write unique responses when I need one, but I can't just speak spontaneously. I have to know exactly what I'm going to say before a single word leaves my lips. No idea if this is some sort of self taught masking, or it's just the way my brain works. When I'm in groups, or sometimes even when I'm just with two people who are speaking kind of fast I won't be able to script quick enough to contribute to the conversation. And while I'm normally pretty good at scripting I think sometimes my executive function kicks in, and that's when I can't talk at all.

The only time I don’t script really is with at least neurodivergent if not autistic

does anyone know what the autism testing/assessment is like in the UK? i really want to get my self tested but i’m so scared to ask my parents

My son is 3 he is scripting but he is seeking help

The dolls. We stick to the script. We pick the roles we want to play we write the scripts and we decide what lines we’re reading to who and when. Baby! We call the shots! We are the dicrector producer and actor of our movie we call life.

I'm Autistic and yes I script. But I hate it. I have to Script, but doing so reduces me to being a mere cartoon of a person. It makes me less than what I am capable of. I cannot help myself. Scripting is essential just to allow me to get by, even at a very superficial level. But, scripting means that many people either never get to know the real me, or those social interactions become predictable and staid. Scripting may be unavoidable. Scripting is also a kind of mask. Its not really who we are.

I don't like scripting. it's a chore. at work I keep an ear bud in and I almost never acknowledge anyone so talk is minimized to work related crap. I do talk with my coworkers. the newest hire I get along with the most but even then, most things j say out loud is just cause I think it'd be funny to hear someone say so I become that someone ig.

This is too real

My autistic scripting has gotten me into so much trouble over the years... I've scripted in such inappropriate places. ⊙﹏⊙∥

Scripting is very mathematical for me like it's very rigid.

doesn't like everybody script??????