Searching for love to escape ourselves | Hayley Quinn | TEDxUniversityofNevada 

"They look like love, they feel like love. But when you open them up, there's nothing loving about them." this hits different

„Don't try to find your ‚other half‘, try to become ‚a whole’ by yourself.“ Something I recently realized :)

"There is nothing outside of yourself, look within. Everything you want is there. You are that." - Rumi

"The strongest drug for a human being, is another human being"

"knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape" - bell hooks

"I was a magnet to chaos, I loved chaos bc when I was in chaos I didn't had to confront myself"....

Not just true with people but also with things. We constantly use our smartphones to escape ourselves. Don't we?!

I believe if your family don't shower you with enough love, you will always seek or search love from others. We all need to love ourselves so can people appreciate us.

Never put your happiness in other people. They will always let you down .

Very true, most people are using others like drugs. I wish you peace and healing

"So I find that my dating advice is gradually shrinking down to be essentially: Go meditate, get some therapy, read a book." She is literally so right tho. If your past relationships didn't work out and you're looking for advice before you try dating again, seriously just do those three things first. Take a break and try again later

This is really good advice for some people. After a bad breakup a decade ago I realized the same. I wasn't happy with myself, so I started working on me. Eliminated all harmful addictions, went plant based, got physically fit, found the main causes for my depression, and became financially comfortable. Now, after I've accomplished all that, dating again is more difficult than I thought. Not because I don't have opportunities, but because I see my old self in those people.

I agree with most of the talk but there is one thing to be kept in mind: you will never stop learning and fixing yourself. you can never reach a time and say "I'm totally fixed right now, I am ready to go out and search for love because I have nothing else do it with myself." yes love *should not* be an escape from ourselves. yes we should learn how to be alone with ourselves and actually enjoy our loneliness. and yes we should fix our inner conflicts and not wait for love or someone else to fix them. but also we should enter love with the intention of accepting criticism /advice from your partner in order to grow and to be a part of the growth of your partner so you both become better people along the way.

finally a good talk.. sort your shit out first then you'll be able to meet people left and right because it won't be difficult anymore and you won't care about needing others to fix your life

“love shouldn’t be an act of escapism”. finally. i needed to hear this. i think this applies to friendships, too, because it’s also easy to take them for granted bc society often says romance is more important. i’m no longer gonna run. i’m here for me, even if it’s hard

I just saw my life in 15min and I am alone in my apartment, not looking for anyone anymore, learning new languages, learning to play guitar, jogging, exercise, cooking by my self cuisine of all around the world, working on my own start up, i usually don’t cry but by listening this 15 min of my own life made me cry alone in my home. Yes life is pretty dramatic and I don’t want more drama in my life. 7 months I am not looking for anyone anymore. I am done with it all chaos in my life.

When she said she did 6 months cold turkey, no dating... XD XD. Try 8 years.

At 26, enrolled in a phd in the city I love the most, I saw myself crying and begging for a guy I've met on tinder two months before to don't leave me in the weekend to see his friends. I use to thought about him literally every second and couldn't see anything fun or exciting in life if he wasn't involved. Now I see that to think about him all the time and wanting to be with him all the time was actually a form of escapism. When I was thinking about him I didn't have to think about how much I disliked my career, how I hated the house I was living in and how lonely I was in that city. I didn't have to think about the bad relationship I have with my father and my family. At that point I had no interests outside this guy. My future was planned like "I'll be his girlfriend" and that was it. When he was gone, there was nothing in my life anymore that I was interested about, nothing. I had become this needy baby, wanting a babysitter (him) literally 24h a day. Anyways, we cannot put our lives in the hands of just one other person. It's too dangerous. When it was over I had to deal with severe depression for quite some time and even now I see my life without any goal. It's too dangerous people! Never do this!!!

I just got out of a relationship 4 months ago. I never want to feel that weak again. having so much of myself tied up in another person. you give up so many parts of yourself in sacrifice to what you assume love is, but really you're just being treated with decency for the first time, and you mistake good human nature for romantic love. I've seen so many insecurities come up after the rose colored glasses fell off, within myself. I still hurt from time to time, and I remember my ex in the smallest things, a movie, a certain smell, etc... I just feel so out of control of my own emotions some days, and I just allow myself to feel and cry, and then I move on as usual. I refuse to let myself feel that pain again.

Discovering one's own self is more important then finding "The ONE". If it comes, it comes but solidifying yourself is a priority! 👊

"When you can just be, That's real love"

“I think that sometimes when you’re focusing on that perfect romance, you’re not actually doing the real work to fix the stuff that’s stopping you from becoming happy”

This woman is so strong and I'm so sincere when I say I want to be like her one day. I think I will come back to this ted talk many times until it will be ingrained in my mind. Love can be beautiful, sincere, addicting in a positive way. But it shouldn't be your own happiness in your life. My ex-bf was an amazing person, good, loving, caring, and I dedicated my whole self to him, so much that when he wanted to break up, I was lost. What can I do now without this person in my life? How can I feel happier again without him by my side? How can I simply go out and have fun in the world when I always imagined him by my side in all these adventures? But truth be told, I wasn't really happy. When I was with him yes, I was the happiest. But then when I was home alone with my own thoughts I hated myself. So I quickly grabbed my phone and texted him because I knew he could comfort me and make me feel better. Now don't understand me wrong, I didn't use him as just a tool for attention. Rather, I saw in him the only person who could really love me the way I am. Without being judged, abused or make fun of. And that stems from my parents who never understood me, my peers, when I was a child and a teen making fun of me. I convinced myself I was a monster, so when I found someone like my ex-partner loving me so much and not seeing me as someone bad, I fell for it hard. I thought that was the only person who could love me in this world. But the truth he isn't. I've always had during my life people who loved me for who I really am and I still have them. But I never saw them because I didn't see that love in myself first. Now I know that even tho my relationship failed, this doesn't mean I can't be loved anymore. He still loves and cares about me platonically as a friend as I do for him. I have friends and family that would do anything for me. And I will find even more people with whom I can feel safe, connected, loved and cared about in both friendships and romantic relationships. But one thing I have to work on If I really want to never depend on others anymore and living the life of my dream: giving myself that love I always crave so desperately from others.

"When u don’t hav anything to prove anymore in order to feel alive & exist, that's real love" Amen Sister!! Preach!!

I think the truth is, a lot of people are deeply bored in their professional life/during their studies or going through hardships, and they need something new, distracting, exciting to focus on. Your love life is one of the few areas where you're almost entirely free. They want to experience freedom throught it. That's what is messed up with today's society.

“On the floor that day, I did have someone. I had myself.” 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

This is extremely relatable. I honestly didn’t understand where my love obsession came from until I watched this and i feel less alone as I don’t know other people in my life that deal with this. I escape all my past and present struggles with chasing relationships and crushes to fill a void. It has made me become toxic and inconsiderate about others feelings just to escape my struggles. Its time to take some action to improve

I have felt so lost after my husband passed away. I have been running from working through my grief and my self care by diving into relationship after relationship. I am terrified to be alone. This is exactly what I needed to hear.

This is one of this truths where the people who need to hear it don't want to, and the people who want to hear it already know.

I am so very glad I realised this at a very early stage of my life. After experiencing two heartbreaks, I took a long look at myself in the mirror and asked myself ''why am I putting myself through this kind of torture'' Offering my love to someone who doesn't value me as a person, to someone who doesn't even give a shit about me. And then it hit me that if I don't love myself, I'm gonna keep loving people who don't love me. The thing is you need to find your worth from within, you gotta push yourself to live alone. Accept the loneliness and in the midst of it, you will realize you can survive with or without someone. But most of us seek our worth from someone else. We expect someone else to come and complete the missing piece in our life. The truth is, you are complete unto yourself. The most important thing you can do to yourself is knowing your worth and loving yourself unconditionally.

I reached a point in my life where I just don't get the whole relationship thing - what does it take, the let downs, and I just don't know how to do this that I didn't want to put any effort or energy into it anymore. I have been single for so long and have designed my own life and it's so comforting.

"When you can just be, I kind of feel like that's real love." The ending really touches my heart :(

Her speech made my day. What she talked was the plain & honest truth. You don't have to be loved by someone very special to you for you to be happy or realize your own self-worth. You have to love yourself no matter what others do to you or think about you. When you realize this it does make a great difference in your life.

3:09" they look like love they feel like love but when you open them up there's nothing loving about them."

Actually I had all of these eye opening realizations when my first relationship ended. I didn’t feel those usual “he didn’t deserve me”, “I’m gonna find someone better”, “I hope he’s suffering like I am” kinda thoughts. Actually it was in general a good relationship but all I could think about was “wow… I really did lose myself in all that didn’t I?” And that realization is helping me every day to work on myself and build self love and take care of me, to find my happiness alone, so that when I do find someone, that person is only an addition to my happiness and not the source of it

Go girl!!! Im celebrating my 1 year independence day from obsessive love, so glad I found this video at this time

This is exactly why I left my relationship of 11 years (18-29). I knew I was escaping myself... and my life. I am changing and trying to figure out who I am and what I want (meditating, reading, Ted Talks, and therapist). I'm proud of being single for these reasons. This speaks to me sooo much! Thank you for sharing.

Its great to have a companion in life but not because you are alone or bored but because you are complete enough to share, give, learn & care.

"When we confront our aloneness and we start to deal with our needs and the past and all that horrible pain we just collect and carry with us throughout our lives - when we deal with that and we're not running from it in endless people or endless dates, when we don't have anything to prove anymore, when you don't need a destructive, ridiculous, on/off relationship in order to feel alive, in order to feel like you exist, when you can just be: I think that's real love". - Bingo

Im gonna give myself 6 months 6 months no dating No dating No flirting No doing anything for anyones attention Just healing and growing Her words about running from herself, using people as a distraction hit me so hard Time to get those splinters out and heal properly

I did the same thing. stopt drinking. stopt thinking my ex would come back. stopt smoking. started wall climbing. started running. crying in the first month and stomach and hart pain during the first two. started reading the book handbook of higher consciousness. looking at you tube self help video's. I'll stop trying to date as well. because I don't want to any way. these sort of clips help alot seeing other people feel the same thing. and handeling it this way. so thank you for that.

Dating is not for everyone. Nor are relationships. If it happens it happens, if not, it's not the end of you. You not less a human. You are not unsuccessful. WHO CARES. We're always told that we need someone. What the hell for? If you want them get them. If not, don't worry. Being in love is just one small part of your life. Humanity will go on anyways.

i’m 23 years old and i’m just figuring out that my whole life looking for love and “the one” has been me running away from myself. so much pain and shame is inside me but i finally know that i need to be alone to heal. it’s hard some days, today is one of those days and i’m glad i found this video

I landed at this video, after I've been practically on my own almost my whole life, and yet I can say that it speaks to me; but from the opposite way. It is also a way of escaping from yourself, if you never allow any intimate/romantic connection to happen. I used to be unable to do that for what feels like eternities, because I've experienced too much pain in connection to love so far. Yet that does not mean that now - since it is so painful to me - I should go hide even more. I'm doing all the self-discovery. I'm doing the meditations, the self care, the yoga. It's time for me now to allow myself to be with others, and see who I am in connection with another being. And most of all: Also to allow myself to be *seen* for who I am. Emotionally, spiritually, physically. On every level.

We need more people in the world being this honest and brave. Hayley is a true inspiration.

I'm deleting tinder. I spend so much time on it and recently have been thinking I need a break and need to focus on myself. This video just reinstated that. It's a sign. 6 months cold turkey let's go

8 months of being single has taught me so much. Spent that first 4 months chasing after my ex convinced he was the one. More hurt and rejection. But since April it's been different. Letting go and just taking one day at a time. Just loving myself more and focusing one me

May all of us get healed!!

Hayley, I cried literally cried at your opening story. I recently experienced a break up as the result of finding out I was pregnant. I miscarried as the result of the constant bouts of crying and depression. I thought I was the only one that got rejected while pregnant and miscarrying. This helped immensely to understand that yes I wasn't dealing with the pain of rejection and pain from my childhood and seeking validation through the affection of another human being. Thank you for your honesty.

I’m a hopeless romantic 4th year university student who has never dated anyone, so this talk hit me especially hard. Great advice that was much needed!

When we come to the end of ourselves, we find ourselves. After 62 years I found myself. From a narcissistic father & enabling mother, physical & mental abuse, through 2 marriages & 2 long-term relationships based on fear & physical abuse, to 18 years of avoiding dating & men in general while raising the youngest son alone, given 'permission' by youngest son to 'go & be happy', then choosing the worst possible marital (3rd) relationship within 7 yrs with a covert narcissist, I was awakened and thru spiritual healing & indepth counseling was finally able to understand myself, my part in those relationships and to absolutely fully trust I needed to love myself first before I could ever allow myself another relationship. I've realized I needed to know myself, to change myself, not allow others to change me into who they think I am or into their little memes. This ALONENESS this time around has been most, most rewarding.

I know everyone says the answer lies within yourself, but I just don't know how it can ever compare. No matter how hard I think or try to imagine, I don't think anything can come close to the blissful reality of being in love with someone else and having them love you. I feel like an addict but where the withdrawals never subside.

I actually read her name as Harley Quinn. Not a successful love life

This girl is very enlightened and self actualized. Most people could only dream of being as self aware as this young girl

Of all the love I have ever received , I found self love the most beautiful authentic pure and life changing

Love is fleeting. Love is not a basis for a long term future. The tingles won't last and chasing them will be a continuously diminishing return until your ability to date has expired.

You have to be capable of loving yourself before you can really love another person or receive love from another person. Without self love as a core we are too broken and unaware to be ready to be part of a couple. And without self love, we are more likely to be insecure and unable to to accept that someone loves us (or not) without a filter of insecurity or illusion blocking good efforts or preventing us from seeing bad ones. Plus, it's more interesting to meet someone who is capable of enjoying their own company. They tend to be more balanced and to know who they are.

I give this woman huge kudos for telling her very real story. I have always thought this...and I've noticed that it's no coincidence that....there are many people in this world...we all know people like this...who are 'never' alone. They end one relationship, and within a few weeks they are in another relationship. People are so utterly afraid to be alone, and I agree that for the most part, it's a way of 'avoiding'...for if one is alone and quiet, then one may start to have 'thoughts'...thoughts that could be painful. Society pushes everyone to be part of a couple. This mindset is so prevalent that we don't even realize it. But if you really examine commonly-used phrases in society, it's very clear:"I have a daughter who's 38, but she's STILL SINGLE." (Does anyone ever refer to someone as 'still married'?! Saying someone is 'still single' implies that being single is an aberration, a 'malady' that will hopefully soon be fixed....)"He's a Family Man" (the implication being that as such - married and potentially with children - that such a man is 'trustworthy, mature, responsible, etc'. Therefore, the opposite implication is that a man who's NOT a Family Man is suspect...that he may not be mature or trustworthy....)"Oh, I know a nice man I'd like to introduce you to...." (I'm sorry...did I SAY I was looking to meet someone? And what is it that you think I will have in common with this person...you mean that you assume because we are both single, that we must be sad and lonely and desperate to find another single person to pair-up with??)And so on.I'm not saying that most folks don't have a natural tendency to WANT to be close to someone romantically. But what I am saying is that...society makes it so bloody hard TO BE single, to REMAIN single, that it ends up pushing people towards coupledom...people who might otherwise really not mind being single...or who can wait til the end of time to see if they click with someone...but then because society is so couples-centric, it makes it that much harder for singles. Which is why so many singles then end up making hasty or bad decisions about who to pair-up with. Being alone in and of itself shouldn't suck. It's just that society makes it so.

What a true and beautiful talk 👏🏿 The thought of being alone itself to me is so scary, I find that I need the distraction that a relationship provides because it all makes me feel better in the moment like she said. But truly those distractions are never in fact actual love, they imitate love because that’s what I’m constantly running looking for. To fix/ heal the loneliness and incomplete feeling I have when I’m not with someone. Meanwhile this new concept of loving and embracing being without a partner, not having to be in love, dealing with my hurtful past and healing myself on my own as an individual sounds much more promising and less destructive than the endless cycles of dramatic and temporary people entering and leaving my life. I am all I need. I am the only cure to my loneliness. My loneliness is something to be embraced and not pushed into a corner of myself. So today I will begin my journey of self healing and potent self love. I actually came across this one quote about “love” that spoke volume and stuck with me for a while now, it says something along the lines of how... we associate dramatic, fiery, complicated and restless with love because that’s what we believe it to feel like, while in reality love is peaceful and very simple. Understanding this statement in its simplicity really does help me understand and see that I’ve been chasing the wrong thing this whole time. Hopefully you can realize that too if you’re able to relate in any way. ❤️ Enjoy your beautiful journeys of embracing being alone!

High recommend this book... Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships

The guy who left as she was miscarrying their child was most likely a narcissist....and frankly, the type of dating she was describing sounds completely narcissistic. Her ultimate message here seems to be "we all need to eventually grow up and be authentic to be sane" This has always been true. I applaud her for literally demonstrating this by laying it all out there because it's a truth that far too many people disregard as "boring" in an age of increasing narcissism.

So much yes. Went through a very similar phase, and it's so true! If *all* your relationships are with "crazy" men/women, then the common denominator is YOU. Learn to be alone, learn to BE, and most of all, learn to NOT USE relationships to give yourself value or "prestige". As soon as you do, your quality of life improves immeasurably!

Very good advice. When you need other people to validate you, distract you from your own emptiness, or make you whole, you will always be off centre and unbalanced, running from one disaster to another. I am now finally happy alone; dateless for some 15 years, and never ever desperate.

You've come to realize something that I wish I had when I was younger. Also, it's great that we talk about these things now. I'm 55 years older and I do look forward to having a partner in life. Meanwhile I focus on family, friends who love me. I focus on learning what makes me unique and my purpose in life. I spend a lot of time alone as well. It isn't because I am avoiding being hurt. I like myself and am comfortable being alone. And if romantivr love comes my way, what's meant to be, it will be.

this one was so raw shes a great public speaker

Been single for a while and I'm going through a growth process at the moment, I gotta say Im kind of looking forward to it. There is something different about this time and since I'm doing it alone, I feel I'm becoming a more stronger, genuine person because I'm doing it by myself with no partner involvement. Not really pushing hard to find a girl but if the opportunity shows up, I'll take it. With that being said, I do believe some people are addicted to being in love or afraid of being by themselves like Hayley stated. Its kind of sad because they're not really trying to benefit the health of the relationship, they're just trying to benefit themselves.

I learned this the hard way two weeks ago after a breakup. I'm eternally grateful for the lesson and my openness to accept and finally hear myself. It's a one way ticket. A painful trip, but worth every second of it.

When she was talking about coming home to a house with no possessions and how sad that was. That is exactly what im going through now, coming home to a lonely room with no one but myself, its so sad, i just want to cry when i come home

I literally cried watching this video. I just don’t know, I just did. I’m at a stage where I’m feeling that I’m lost. And sometimes I just felt like I don’t know what I really want in my life. Honestly, I did some fantasy dreaming to covered up my pain. Those fantasy won’t last long. I wanted a boyfriend but I’m not confident about it anymore bcs of my past experiences. I hope I am strong enough to continue my life and focus more on myself. Thanks for the great talk, Hayley Quinn. It’s inspired me 😭

wow, what a painfully honest talk. thank you for the courage it took to share.

Such a true statement: "Searching for. love to escape ourselves." We have all done it and continue to do it.

After a hard break up, I too decided to go more or less hermit, enjoying myself, my time with myself, for nearly 15 years. I started a great career, have a nice apartment and all I need. Then she came into our office, beautiful, young, charming and she showed interest. Unfortunately, I wasn't the only guy in her life and she destroyed everything. All my tranquility and peace was gone. Now 8 months later I'm here trying to recover from the hardest crush I've ever had, almost lost my mind. It took me 15 years to recover and heal from the last heartbreak only to fell into the same trap with another girl. I ask what's the point then?

Spot on. When I had my heart broken I accepted it, I didn’t fight him on it because inside I was thinking of all the goals I need to work on for myself, all the things I’ve been running from in my life... I wanted to forget, but his rejection made me face it; it’s all I had left

This is so me. Alone, lonely chaos addicted learning who I am and what I want and love.

With my health issues it's showed me how strong I am. I passed the hardest moments alone. Last year in November I woke up from my surgery crying that I was still alive. The daily pain is still aweful, but I'm greatfull I'm seeing through the fog of the BS that society has deemed "the right way." Thank you for these words ❤️❤️

I always go back to watch here whenever I feel lost or distracted again. I am work in progress. 🌻

I personally prefer to be single. If you don’t love yourself, no one will! Never forget that. Just like Whitney said “Learning to love yourself it is the greatest love of all.”

Hayley I can relate to your story so much. I have definitely used dating to escape! When I was 18 I began dating my first boyfriend ....I loved him so much but it turns out he didn't feel the same way about me.After that relationship ended I put up with being used and mistreated by guys so many times because I didn't want to be alone. I figured a little bit of love was better than none. Today at 21 I'm ready to end the cycle! Thank you for not being afraid to be honest.

This ties into the sense of validation we get when we believe someone loves us, if we’re lovable as individuals with all of our problems & inadequacies then those problems can’t be that bad. This way of thinking also prevents us from fixing those pieces we don’t like about ourselves, if they’re accepted by someone we value, why bother? Easy mindset to fall into but it isn’t progressive to ourselves

"just be, that's real love " This is ever so priceless ma'am. ♥️♥️

She really touched my soul, i needed to hear this.

every young woman's lessons

very true we are scared of being alone and sometimes end up with the wrong person then, later on, we realize it is not what we were looking for but we still stay and compromise

7:49 this right here is so true. i struggled with many problems due to my mental health and i never was happy. when this person came into my life and they gave me that emotional fulfilment that i could’ve get by myself, i was so infatuated with them. i thought “well damn this person can fulfil all these emotional needs that i can’t by myself so why not just give them the responsibility”. i didn’t think that LITERALLY but that sums up pretty much what happened. i forgot about my mental health and all the things that were making me miserable instead i thought about this person, the “ultimate solution” to my happiness. however, there are so many issues with thinking like this that i just didn’t realise until now. i mean to start with, NOBODY but you is responsible for happiness. sure, people can make you feel good and ways that you can’t really feel by yourself but internal happiness starts with you. in order to love someone, you have to love yourself or you’ll start seeking that self love from another person but the thing is it’s called “self” love meaning it’s your job, not theirs. i became so desperate and needy for their approval, attention, validation cause that’s the only thing that was keeping my emotions in place. i regret it so badly because people just aren’t always there for u. it doesn’t matter how much they love or care for you. there’s gonna be a time where they will disappoint you. that’s why you need that happiness within yourself and you can’t go searching for it within another person. the emotional pain you feel when that person just isn’t there like they always are is so unbearable. i still get triggered by certain things and i always see this person so it’s just difficult but i need to find myself again. i need to know how to love myself and how to understand my own emotional needs and meet them myself. i can’t keep using people to fulfil me. it is selfish, toxic and so unhealthy

Beautiful very honest and full of truth.

But I've been alone practically all my life. I'm definitely not the type who goes from one relationship to another. I've had only two relationships in my life, and several years passed between one and the other. And last year I met someone wonderful, with whom I knew circumstances made it very very difficult to be in a serious relationship, but I still got deeply attached, knowing that in the end I would end up alone, more lonely than before, when at least I thought I had myself. My point is, it's not that I haven't spent time with myself, because, believe me, I have. I think the issue is perhaps learning to love yourself, regardless of having dates or not. You may spend years on your own, and one good day someone might come along and sweep you off your feet, and if you're not well prepared, you might end up feeling horribly miserable.

I hope one day I revisit this comment and I am happy again. 2 months out of my husband asking for a divorce and I’m broken. I need to rebuild myself for my son - he’s just a toddler, he needs his mom. ❤️ good luck to all these other strong people on here. We’ll get better

That shot @11:56 of the audience smiling at her almost made me tear up, look how proud they are.

and it's important that if you want a healthy relationship. you have to be aware that everyone has pain everyone is plagued by al sorts of additions like money power attention validation etc. So be open speak to your partner and listen to him or her. be there for each other. there isn't one person out there that is perfect. treat the other like you treat yourself as a child that needs support and love. if you treat your partner like he or she is the ultimate person with no fear than. it's bound to fail.

This really makes me feel a bit happier. At the moment I’m just a young buck turning 21 in less than 5 months. I’m finishing my first semester in college and working as a full time Dental Assistant, and about 6-7 months ago I ended my relationship with my ex girlfriend. The relationship did not have a great start and I forced it on to her. During our fits, I’ll admit it I was the outrageous one, I was the one who made things worse when she was having issues with me. We broke up 4 times and got back together 3. Now she’s off 5 hours away in college and she’s met someone else. As for me I’m still home and I’ve felt extreme loneliness, like I could, should, and would never love not be loved. I have no social life because of work and school. But in the between I fit in calisthenics and I try to pick up on hobbies I’d like to try out. But this video has made remember that it’s ok to be alone. Yes, it’s hard as you scroll through social media and see everyone else live and love to the fullest. But in this case being alone will only make you stronger. You’re not going to be alone forever, only when you need to be. I need to remember that.

nailed it. I lost my husband after a long long married life. I was grateful I turned inward, read and took the opportunity to examine my life. I do not mind being by myself. It's lonely but I always know better days are up ahead- I'm patient. You are wise beyond your years. You nailed it and have the opportunity to influence lots of young people like you who are not used to be by themselves at all.

This talk is so raw and beautifully honest. Thank you Hayley for sharing this. I know hundreds of women that are going through the same thing right now who are now more aware of the destruction they are causing to themselves by focusing on love for escapism.

I've found that much of what she says in true. She is right that it does bring a sense of peace and purpose. I think she neglects the fact that you will be alone most of the time. That's why even monks who take this to the next level still live together. She offers a way to find peace, but not to connect to anyone else. If you want marriage, children, or friends, you'll have to do other things that she doesn't talk about.

I have been alone for over 16 years. I know what I want and don't want. I want to share the rest of my life with a special someone that I can trust, and feel excitement and passion to be with. I know who I am. I want to be with that someone that makes me want to be a better me. I have had time to figure out that someone is actually me...but it's nice to have someone special to share my life with for as long as I have time left on this earth...

this made me think... i have felt many times, mostly at an unconscious level, that I need another person in order to feel alive, in order to feel like i exist, and i care. i never admitted it to myself up until now. at the moment, i see mainly the problem, my problems, but not the way to get out of them

this speech maker is rly another me..I used to seek escapism from love. Now I just want to grow up with my bf together. We read books, share ideas together, we comfort each other, he teachers me a lot about stopping complaints and to accept my flaws and he is influenced by me too.

" when you come home and your evening plans are make chicken soup and read a book, this no longer sounds bad, this sounds awesome! " Yes!

I love when she laughs at herself sort of shyly. I think it's so endearing and sweet. Definitely adds to the genuine, raw nuance of this talk.

I remember when I first found this video I felt like I was being called out (by myself) for always looking to the guys I was chasing or in a relationship with for happiness and for the love I felt that I needed. Now, I’ve been single for 4 years, though I’ve still looked for love in other people, and in a particular man, I can say that my love for myself is the factor that is keeping me going and the reason why my desire to look even deeper now for the happiness that I’ve longed for. Thank you for holding space and being a catalyst. I really appreciate you, and if you read this I hope you’re doing good. 💌

What is always the the biggest regret people express on their death beds? I wish I spent more time with my family. A career will never replace or furfill the heart. Many people get into bad relationships or marry the wrong people and swear off love and try and preach their gospel to others. Having nothing is living your life alone and ending up dying alone in a nursing home or hospice.