BEFORE COMMENTING, PLEASE PLEASE JUST WATCH THE WHOLE VIDEO. THE TITLE IS A PHRASE I GOT FROM A TIKTOK VIDEO, IF YOU WATCH THE WHOLE VIDEO YOU’LL KNOW WHERE I PERSONALLY STAND ON THIS TOPIC! SO NO NEED FOR PARAGRAPHS ON WHY I NEED TO BELIEVE IN SELF LOVE, I KNOW THIS ALREADY!
Stay aware as you always do, Zogie. This generation don’t understand the difference between HIGH SELF-ESTEEM and the sold, packaged and deception of ‘self-love’. Let that marinate.
@@NickyM_0that's an opinion don't generalize a whole generation based on your own beliefs, we are not dumb we just don't put people's value as self love to us.
@@nolia920 That’s a huge assumption to say that it was based on my beliefs🤔. As it happens, it’s not. It’s based on ‘factual’ data and observed social media contagion. The new age ‘self love’ mantra can be typed into any search engine and my ‘opinion’ won’t come up but the data will. Tia Mowry fell victim of the ‘self-love’ deception and threw away a good man and workable marriage that she now regrets, having been out there in the world and realising the harsh realities of the single life and just how good her man actually was. People are ‘very slowly’ waking up to the realisation that they were sold ‘narcissism’ deceptively re-packaged as healing, self-awareness, empowerment and looking after no. 1 (the supposed love part), with incense, crystals and essential oil thrown in. We can only talk in ‘general terms’ about most things, as of course many people will fall outside the talked about group. The last half of your sentence grammatically doesn’t make any sense. The part after you said, ‘we’re not dumb’, ironically!😂
I never got that from the whole self love wave. That’s it’s to replace your desire for companionship. What I got from is loving yourself enough to not find yourself in situations less than optimum for your life. To put yourself first in the end through a healthy self concept standards and boundaries.
@toriyt2714 you’re 1000% correct, what I get from the “self love wave” as you put it, is that loving yourself is the highest form of love, maintaining your standards to prevent you from low quality experiences.
That’s exactly it. Nothing wrong at all with wanting a partner or relationship. It’s when you are desperate for one that it’s at the expense of your own self respect and standards. You should prefer being alone to being with less than what is best for you, period.
The ‘self-love’ mantra is a deception. It is re-packaged ‘narcissism’. It’s all about ME, ME & MORE ME and FK anyone else. It’s re-packaged selfishness. You were sold ‘new age’ deception. It doesn’t teach you how to build up you self-esteem and self worth, it teaches you how to look after No. 1 and to hell with everyone else. How is that good for ‘relationships and loving others’. ‘Self-love’ is a euphemism for ‘selfishness’. It’s a psychological presentation and word twist. Tia Mowry was taken in by the deception and threw away her marriage and is regretting now but her ex has moved on!
Man I was in SO many pointless relationships throughout my 20's.. When I tell you I do not want a relationship at all. It feels so good to experience the freedom of your own space, doing what you want, not answering to no one, etc. It's funny how some of us are on totally opposite ends of the spectrum. Like I legit feel like I can live the rest of my life without a relationship and be fine. I love my space
I've stated the same thing, I feel like wen ppl say they miss male company I feel like they Justin's the dick lol..and that's not a bad thing..I feel like the re is nun wrong with being by yourself,women get more stuff done wen not tied to a man anyways..but theirs nun wrong with make company even if it's for pleasure lol.
I mean, if you’ve been ran through and making bad decisions of course ur not interested anymore, maybe that’s not her hence why the desire is still there.
@@notyourtypicalcomment2399 I've had 3 serious relationships and can count on one hand how many partners I've had. I've always been the "good girl" dating the nerdy "good guys". However, not having to worry about a man has been the best discovery in my life.. seriously. I think a lot of women are starting to feel the same. Just feels so at peace.
Self love is for you and not anyone else. Self love is where boundaries pour from, which is your protection when navigating all types of relationships.
Big facts! As someone who has always felt ignored by men and still haven’t been on too many dates let alone relationships it is something I feel insecure about and feel judged/shamed. I try to not have it tie into my self worth but it can be hard because society really does value beauty especially as a woman and how many men are after you
Love the vid. Not sure why nowadays people are so "anti men" or feel that self love is a replacement for a partner. You attract what you put out at the end of the day. We've all had our experiences with sh*t men, but if you love yourself enough to learn from those experiences, the good ones will come ☺
Love that you got honest with yourself. Personally I could tell from your past videos that you didn't love yourself like you said you did. Didn't stop me loving your content though! And so glad you've surveyed this in a real introspective way. Growth! that's what its all about.
Great video Zogie! You’re looking absolutely gorgeous as always❤️✨🔥👌🏾 I agree self love is important and should be the 1st place to start before seeeking to embark on a relationship with anyone. Speaking from the POV of a 40 something year old woman, who has had the experience of being in several long term relationships, I would agree that for those of us who have had the experience of relationships- ‘de-centring” of men might not be such a bad thing if it means giving time to work on oneself/ self discovery and overall wellbeing. Happy Sunday to all the fellow sisters/ladies out there. Have a fabulous week ahead!
I agree with this. I'm of a similar age, and I have also been in love before I find concentrating on myself comes with my self awareness. I don't fully agree with recommending all this self love/be by yourself etc to women in their twenties. Yes put yourself first and dont love a man more than yourself, but goodness, what is wrong with partnership? We are only human at the end of the day
Self love comes FIRST and what comes next is you being patient and properly vetting the new options you attract because not doing so the first, second, third, fourth… time is why you had to heal and face your shadow, to begin with. Self-love is not about looks and validation from other men or women. It's about loving yourself enough to make better choices when love comes back around to you again. Being thirsty for a man just because you may be in a season of self-preservation will not satisfy your thirst. So many people claim to have jumped on this self-love journey not even knowing what it truly means. Just making up superficial stuff and using it as an excuse but really it's about self-preservation and knowing thy self. Nobody is pushing the stay single forever agenda but being thirsty for a man that's gone take you through the same cycle you just healed from is just as redundant. Having patience and improving yourself until you attract better is not for the faint of heart. Everybody journey is different and obviously, I'm speaking for myself which is why I guess I don't mind being patient no matter how long it takes because this journey is not about the reward but more so about me taking my power and energy back from undeserving people, places and things and using it to heal myself so I am actually ready in due Gods timing and not still fumbling around with the same ole mess I had to heal from whether it's because of my own actions or the actions of others. I wanna actually be qualified for the reward. Not just saying self-love this self-love that just to get attention. 👀💡
When I tell you when u go on that self love journey it’s hard at first because your changing the way you think and sometimes it’s a battle but when u really see things for what it is and START with you … you really see things differently
lol new here and by the title , YESSS !!’ no one talks about that or really great connections but seriously, the hyper focused “self love” 🙄😒, that should include being loved on properly by who you want 🤨😒 eye don’t just wanna be lonely and take myself on dates to be fun , NOO! 😂
You don’t listen to the self love sistas and then you end up in a trash relationship then end up back on line crying about it. Shut up and relax love will find you in the right timing stop being desperate.
I understand what you mean, but not wanting to be alone doesn’t aways need to be solved with a romantic relationship! A man isn’t the only way out if loneliness
I'm very beautiful and always have a man to date today, but it's stressful dealing with this oda gender. Honestly if I had good money. I wouldn't even deal with men, I'll just travel the world and breed with someone and raise my kids. At most 2 kids that's it. Fuck companionship. I love myself too much 😂😂😂
I'm like you, I want a man that supports (emotionally, mentally, and we can co-support each other financially). I'm not looking for a man to take care me, but I have to say that I went harsh on a post then I decided to delete it. I was so angry that someone had the audacity to access my tablet at 3:53 am and it makes this sound. It was real and harsh but I don't want to share what it said at this moment. I hate that I'm getting older and older, but I don't want a man that doesn't understand the harsh realities of being self reliant, yet at the same time, I'm not going to baby and pacify some man that doesn't respect me as a person and doesn't understand what I've been through.
What does self-love have anything to do with having a man? Self-love happens whether you choose to have a man or not. It's state of mind and learning how to treat yourself with respect and care.
Yall are walking contradictions and that's why you always end up in the same predicaments because you're a lost cause. That's why a man can always take advantage because you're desperate
Self love is not a replacement to having a man. It’s a necessary prerequisite to any healthy relationship. It wasn’t until I started truly loving myself that I realized in every relationship I was requesting things from men that I wasn’t giving to myself. Self love is not supposed to cancel out your desire for relationships. It’s supposed to enhance your relationships with men and the men you choose
@@chayo4537by golly baby you hit the bullseye 🎯. When will they ever wake up and smell the coffee? Love is not real on earth. It will always keep playing with your heart and mind😂😂😂
Self love is beyond how you look. Am considered a 9 lol but I dont think self love is about looks. I feel best about my self when i am kind, rooted, have good relationships with my family, and I am healthy
The best man come when you ain’t looking. My ex dumped me and a new person came out of nowhere. I’m focusing all of my energy into GOD, self care, self love, forming new hobbies, starting a new passion/ project. I’m working on becoming the best me and prioritizing traveling this year.
Riiighhttt!! I love myself. I love being wrapped up in my man arms too. BUT i respect myself enough to leave the arms of a man before i leave my self respect at the door. Oh yeah, SUBSCRIBED..
Girl you still YOUNG men will come and go you young women need to learn how to enjoy life without being so male centered and until yall understand this simple concept yall will always be chasing men and relationships....self love allows you to attract the right Vibration of a man Zogie you will be making these statements until you get this hun..
@ZogieDeGemini I do understand you are frustrated with dating but yall so young I really wish young women would LEARN how to love and live life without always being focused on men and relationships. That's why men act the way they do because yall stay LASER FOCUSED on them and they know it. Take the focus off THEM and live your life. Yall too young to always be concerned with men you will super understand this when you are your forties like me. Yall we see focusing on them was a COMPLETE WASTE OF YOUR MEMTAL TIME AND ENERGY🥴
@Higfsyourvioihb that's why they go for the young ones because they don't know better and haven't experienced the world long enough to know why the majority of women are all doing the same thing now after years & centuries of abuse of women. Some women are still in lala land when it comes to men. Older women try to warn them, but they can't see or don't listen until it's too late.
I've preached this message for years. And I always have a good man who wants to take care of me except for the times I take out to recalibrate. Self love don't keep you warm at night. Yes you need it but we need eachother. Humans are relational beings. Nothing wrong with wanting connection.
i hate the age old 'you need to fully love yourself before you love somebody else' bc what? the journey to self love and confidence is continuous throughout your life, you never just magically 'heal' and wake up a different person who's like 'yes i've reached the self love deadline and i can now enter a relationship' lol. yes you should be in tune with yourself enough to not get into awful relationships and base your whole self worth off that but we are social creatures. we desire and thrive through socialising with and the validation of those important to us whether platonically or romantically. we want to be accepted and loved for who we are and of course also be found truly attractive by at least SOMEONE who we also like.
Quality over quantity any day of the week. See yourself as a luxury handbag(hermes) Majority can afford primark(quantity) Very few can afford hermes (Quality) That's why you see so many stunning women that rarely get approached.
At this point men tell us they hate us and women still want them. I feel at this day and age if you want to be with a man, you may be mentally unstable.
♐️ I’ve been saying this for years. People will really act like self love, a good job, nice house, vacations, nice car, and all that material bullshit can kill your desire for a mate smh. Maybe it will for a little awhile, but eventually the hunger for LOVING and ROMANTIC companionship will start creeping in. Even Billionaire Rihanna showed us that despite having ALL the success, beauty, money and accolades, her REAL FLEX…is her FAMILY and we all see that. I feel you. I get you. I pray for you 🙏
Listen, I’m 35 and the ugly girl. I’ve had so many rejections and maybe one relationship where I was treated well for like 5 seconds while he was love bombing me. I have so much self love.. I wake up loving on me, working out, drinking water, I’m a vegan, I meditate, I have my own place and great job.. But I’m still broken everyday because I know I’m not valued. No one hits on me and when they do, I wonder if it’s because the smell the desperate so I say no. Being the ugly girl means I have to deal with this insane amount of physical pain I feel from loneliness. I pray and cannot wait for the day I no longer want or crave love in any way. I can’t wait to just love a pet and not need for anything else. I wish I had the answer for y’all. Some days I’m scared I won’t make it to 36, lol😂
first thing first you need to stop referring to yourself as the 'ugly girl' doesn't matter if you think others think of you that way, dont say it yourself and use your tongue to put it out into the universe
Hang in there. There are 5 to 8 billion people on this earth. Trust, you WILL find your person. Just think, so many people are in relationships but they’re unhappy they only stay for the sake of saying they have someone. Genuine love takes time just like genuine friendships but it’s so worth the wait, I promise.
If you feel ugly, do something ABT it, get fillers and even cosmetic surgery... Life is too short. Point out what you are insecure ABT Nd fix it... If it's things like acne(go to a dermatologist), if u are scared of surgery just get threads, they'll make you hot... Lots of love❤
Truth. I always tell my single friends to own the fact that they want companionship and not because they don't love themselves or they don't think they are pretty enough but because why not.
Well… that’s a really interesting topic. I agree and disagree. As an overlooked fat black woman who has little to no dating experience, I get it. Trust me, I get it. However I think that self love advocates are, for the most part, not telling women to stop dating. The point is not to be alone forever. The point is to grow to accept ourselves and enjoy our company before we allow a man in our lives, when the time comes. The point is that we can’t sit around and wait while being miserable, very insecure and desperate (because that’s how we make the worst choices). If you already love yourself and have high self esteem and confidence, great, but that’s not the case for everyone. Also, I do agree on the necessity to take advice with caution, my life is very different from most women’s so I won’t apply their advice blindly, it should resonate in me and make sense to me. Let me also say this : wanting to find love is more than OK but the dating scene is awful, especially in my experience as unconventionally attractive woman in her thirties. I’d rather focus on myself and develop my friendships than work very hard to look for a man on dating apps. And if I do end up in a healthy relationship one day, great. Anyway, I do respect women who actively search for love because their desire is stronger than mine, and it’s totally OK.
These women who have a lot of experience are like cautionary tales for me, I do learn from them, with critical thinking of my own, because I have not been where they have. But in the meantime, as a long term single woman, I want to be happier and enjoy life more instead of feeling inadequate, I don’t want to wait for a man to make me happy, life is too short.
If we truly understood the nature of men, we wud realise we actually don't want them.. The way their brains are wired does not equate to a loving relationship. Theyre not what a majority of us think they are.. But go off sis❤
That’s not true at all. Not all men are wired the same way. Some men are actually still raised to be gentlemen and good partners. There are plenty of men in committed relationships nowadays and spoiling women and showering them with affection. Not all men are heartless, selfish, and evil. Women aren’t that perfect either.
I don't want to waste my life trying to find the right one. I read some women died of cervical cancer and sepsis after childbirth. No. I don't want to do that. Life is so short. I'm 50 now, I regret being with men in the past.... I wish I should have focus more on career. I don't need some men making me feel so bad about myself. No.... I don't want that.
Self love is what will keep you away from the wrong man. Also, keep in mind that men are raised to be burdens, and not partners. If you desire genuine intimacy and companionship, there is not a whole lot of men who will give it to you.
A lot of women will not be able to become whole within themselves sadly. A lot of low self esteem here. If you feel a void in yourself and seeking validation outside yourself…life is going to become harder for you. And you will become a repellent for suitors…much less any suitor. This world is not that kind of Luvey dubby world anymore.
I don’t think that’s true. Sure good men are not as common as they used to be back in the way bur I definitely believe that there is still good men out there. There’s literally many different cultures and types of men all over the world. Not all men were raised to be burdens. I believe that gentlemen and men that were raised to be good partners are definitely out there. You just gotta find them, go out more, and travel more. If you think that there are no good men out there, you probably have not traveled enough or don’t go out much.
@@ariyonnathebeautifulariese4104 Y’all women keep exhausting yourselves over these demonic men. First of all…let the right man find you. Don’t even look for him. If it’s for you…it’s for you. But in this day and age…you’re going to have to be healed within yourself to get that right man in equal give and take. Keep desiring someone outside yourself and see what happens. Unconditional love will not find brokenness within.
I love the way you summarised your perspective at the end of the video. I agree. Self-love is continuous work. There is no after. It shapes the way you look at the world and informs what you want and will and will not accept from it, including relationships. Having the desire to experience a (healthy) romantic relationship is fine. Throwing away your standards and quality of life to do so is not. Truly, working on and loving yourself will help keep you on an even keel while waiting to cross paths with your ‘person’ and in your relationship with them. It’ll also ease the pressure to rush into partnership, safeguarding oneself from hard lessons that could have been avoided. I’m just going to throw this in here. I find it so odd when people act like the only valid relationships are romantic/ sexual ones. It is almost as ridiculous as equating being alone/ single with feeling lonely (they aren’t mutually exclusive), or assuming that everyone desires romantic partnership - which is obviously not the case. This mentality doesn’t strike me as conducive to maintaining healthy relationships. It’s unbalanced, short-sighted and adds unnecessary pressure on self and a partner (should one turn up) to fill a void they didn’t create. External validation does matter to a degree, but not more-so than the confidence that comes from the ability to validate oneself. Chasing the former will have you end up in nonsense situations your intuition and instinct would otherwise have you avoid. I think that self-love helps put things into perspective by creating a sense of internalised safety and security, while taking the onus to heal oneself. A partner, then, (if they’re decent) will act as support, instead of a crutch for the internal work you’re unwilling to do.
You can decenter men by focusing on yourself and actively working on the awesome parts of you that make you more awesome. That's what's meant by self-love. It's more than just liking yourself and how you look. It's actively giving yourself the attention you crave somebody else to give you. A lot of us spend nearly all of our time thinking about men and what men want in some way, shape, or form. Every other sentence involves a male... But how much time do we really spend thinking about what we want? What do you really want a man to do for you? Do those things for yourself and see how that makes you feel. 💛
@@drcatrinakinglol did you even watch the video or are you just commenting based on the title? Because if you actually watched the video to the end there’s no way you’ll come to this conclusion
@@drcatrinakingher mentioning from time to time she wants a healthy romantic relationship doesn’t mean she hasn’t decentered men. Look at the videos on her channel she travels, spends time with friends and family, has her own hair business. She veryyy occupied, she just wants a partner and that’s fine. I think you’ve picked one section of the video and created your own narrative
@@ZogieDeGemini I watched it. My comment isn't a conclusion. It's a suggestion for any woman who may struggle with this. It's not an attack on you or your video. 💛
I guess SOME of you are tired of lying to yourselves. Just like with weight. Yall said for years Zogie was "absolutely gorgeous" while unhealthy and obese yet youre also congratulating her weight loss??? 🤔 So you all knew it was unhealthy this whole time but chose delusions...🤔🤷🏾♂️
Lol you need to seek help. You can be ‘obese’ and ‘unhealthy’ an still look gorgeous. And you can lose weight and be ‘gorgeous’ your point makes no sense because no one ever called me healthy before so where was the delusion. But I should really not waste my time, from your username that tells me everything
Idk I thought the point of self love was the raise you energy and mind to attract the same treatment you give yourself from other people or a man. I don’t do self love for me I do it for my future man .But I agree CHARACTER is more important. I love the person for them not for nothing they give me.
Pretty and having relationships dont equal. Tons of unattractive people are happily mated. Beautiful woman are very single these days.... You love self cause you receive what you are your self recipe gets you the same mirrired back. Lots of doubt and anger gets a relationship with that..Self love is huge part of everything we do in life not just having hair and nails done ...but how we pay attention to our needs feelings, share ourselves, express -ignore or abandon the self. Relationships are energetically created and maintained. What you know believe think will determine love life...who you attract its frequency not lipstick and but implants.
Haven’t fully watched yet but I was looking at Maslow’s hierarchy of needs today. On the 3rd level is intimacy and a sense of connection and we get this from romantic relationships in this day and age. (Especially with people as a whole not putting as much effort into friendships.) I wish people would stop gaslighting with saying self love is enough because there comes a point where it’s not.
Girl i truly feel you. I have dated a lot, been married , all that. I find it very overrated personally but to any woman who wants a man, go get one 🤷🏽♀️ it's really a party of growing up (a phase in my opinion)
Please do not make anymore decenter men content. It looks quite foolish to people who have actually decentered men.. especially when you double back days later and post something like this…
There is nothing wrong with wanting companionship. It is probably even evolution at work. Just don’t let the want drive you to taking any old man. I am in the US where the black female mortality rate is high. So love yourself enough to filter for crazy and abusive. 😂. ❤️ from across the pond.
Girrrrl. If a man is what you want then you will get just very that. However there is nothing wrong with making sure you are secure, putting yourself first and loving and being about you before you come in contact with someone else. Thats it You don't need to do self love as if you can't have someone in your life and it's just yourself that you need to love on. That's not it. All these false spiritual people and communities along with this toxic positivity that creates this stigma to love and heal yourself to dismiss you from not being able to have a stable, healthy and great partner to love and be loved or to heal when you have gone through so much shit and it's where its too much to not try to enlighten or help out, like you just gotta get over it. They always try to illiterate everything to make it seem like its good and healing but its so much worse and draining. They doing the same shit to keep things under a swivel, not express your emotions, be silent and calm, self love 24/7 and heal, heal, heal and its like FUCK, NOOOOOOOOOO! Because if we can all be able to achieve and get what we want with no limits and bounds then why are you still trying to place, say and do things to where it jeopardize that standpoint. Not everything is meant for everyone. Just tryna say and do something for a trend and find the answer and nobody has not found it yet due to them forgetting themselves and what lies with them, what is needed for them. Damn leave me alone.
Nah fr tho self love ain't enough. God needs to give me my damn rib or I'm on breaking rib cages 🤣🤣🤣 okay breaking rib cages is a joke...but we can only do the best we can with what and whom God gives. Thats why i have got back to not caring. And just living in the moment.
Self love also includes loving yourself enough to give yourself what you want. If you want a good paying job, wouldn't you improve yourself until you finally get one? Would you move to an area where there are better opportunities?
Self love isn’t about saying you don’t need a “Man”…Self love is about respecting yourself enough to not settle for male who is not showing up as a “Man”…Now if you want a whole man, you have to be a whole woman. Self love teaches to build your inner self to the best version of you, so you can attract what you are…True confidence and beauty transcends physical appearance… That’s why the BBLs catch the man but don’t keep them…Put God first and keep going on your journey… and what you are looking for will find and pursue you…Like he is supposed to…❤
❤ amen to quality over quantity. Putting it out in the universe for all of us single girlies. I agree that you can have self love and want a man. Like you said it is about companionship and I think that is very natural and real desire
Hi gorgeous! I agree with you. And for those who don’t know what it’s like to be someone’s first choice, focusing on self and developing that self love would be more effective that way. If they take the time out to do that then other peoples opinion and options of them won’t matter. That’s what self love is, knowing that you wouldn’t even allow yourself to date someone with a low self esteem. Self love allows you to see the mess in others and realize it isn’t your Job to fix it, nor will you allow yourself to come off your thrown to do so. ❤❤️🔥 ⬅️ as requested.
Then the question becomes why do you actually need a mam ?❤ I’m a man and women don’t need men it’s the other way around….. you just want attention and validation which is external you will be prone to manipulation.
lol did you even watch the video or are you just commenting based on the title? Because if you actually watched the video to the end there’s no way you’ll come to this conclusion
Ultimately, I believe it’s about mastering self. Knowing yourself so well and being grounded that when a relationship does come if that’s something you want… You will know how to maintain your autonomy and not self-sacrifice. You will not be so broken when things end or go left. Why? Because you’re operating from a space of self awareness and self assurance.
I’m starting learn to let these guys go… trying not to care about them bc of the way I’m treated. It’s hard when u want attention. But I try to be logical and not think based on my feelings. I know what it feels like to be WANTED and idk why I keep settling for losers. Im trying to cut that shit out. Match vibes.
This was a beautiful video …especially the messsge at the ending . This is where I am now .., I have finally reached a place of peace where I am not willing to tolerate anything
