I have been married for 11 years and had sex for the first two years of my marriage. My husband had prostate cancer at age 40 and this caused difficulty with having sex without leaving him feeling embarrassed. So after he had an operation to remove the cancer, we just didnt pick up on our sex life. However, we have grown in leaps and bounds and our marriage is strong because we have learned that sex is not the foundation for a good marriage. Communication, respect, seeing your spouse the way God sees them is truly key. We do not miss sex and my husband has never put pressure on me or vice versa to be sexually intimate.
I have had this happen also. But as you grow older you may find your marriage is not measuring up as it did when you first married and you both may change in your feelings toward each other.
Excellent! I praise the Lord for both your life. Sex is not important and neither the priority. As we love each other, if each other health condition did not permit it! Then sex is not important! So it’s a sacrifice and love each other and live together for Christ ! Love Jesus and walk together with our Lord!
Reading these comments is so sad and disappointing :( No one gets married thinking that sex of all things would be a problem...let alone a sexless marriage. It's both embarrassing and hurtful and is a form of abuse. There are men/women who are spiteful, malicious and/or selfish and who the Lord will one day hold accountable for their actions if they do not repent. This is not just happening with older couples but younger ones as well. I am speaking from experience and am so sorry that all of you are going through this. My husband robbed me of my child bearing years for selfish, vain reasons and it's disgusting. He can still go out and have kids because men are able to have kids right into their 70s while women cannot. May God be with you all during this difficult time and thank you Dr. Doug Weiss for speaking about something that so many suffer in silence.
You are right- I unloaded! I try not to do stuff like that, lol. But I am writing now with the intent to cheer you! I prayed and prayed for my desires to be as God intended- and He has answered my prayers! The hubby and I do much better just being ok who and where we are at, with understanding, than we used to. We still argue over the dogs- hahah! It was good to come back and read this, and be thankful for how far I have come in just a year. This bolsters my faith so much! And I hope it does yours as well. ps Dr Weiss if you are reading: this unexpected testimony is not to undermine your work! Prayer, deliverance, and careful thought can all work hand in hand. a holistic approach! As you know, I am just saying I also know heeehe! Love and blesssings to ALL!
so sorry for your experience, I am a woman who has never had a sex drive. only submitted to the act before i was a Christian so I could have a relationship. Even after I became a Christian and repented for that. I never had a desire for iit. married 43 years. had 3 kids. Feel so bad for husband. He his wonderful. I really want to fix this, for his sake, not even for mine.
🙏Lack of Authentic Communication and Forgiveness. Forgiveness of Transgressions that have occurred within the Marriage, Spiritually Emotionally and Physically. Go to the LORD Jesus to ask for Forgiveness Individually, then as a Couple; and to another. JESUS🙏 needs to be at the Top 👍🙏❤️🙏
I’m at the point now where I have given up. Years of being ignored and rejected every day, I just want out. He will not ever change. I deserve more. It doesn’t really matter what the issue is, he won’t do anything about it anyway.
Your pain is valid, and you should certainly explore your options. It sounds like Intimacy Anorexia. If you want more information on IA, I wrote the book on it. Here's the website for more information: intimacyanorexia.com/ Also, helpful for partners of IA's, is the Married and Alone set: www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-and-alone-set/ And as you move on from the situation, I have Partner Betrayal Trauma® which is specifically written for women who are recovering from their partner's sex addiction or intimacy anorexia. www.drdougweiss.com/product/partner-betrayal-trauma-book/ We also have FB groups for partners and divorced partners. Let me know if you would like the links. Hope that helps.
Don't think she bothered to even watch the video, just posted to a related title looking for affirmation to justify the decision she already made... sorry for both of them, no adult in the house...
Rose Barnes I’ve watched all of Dr. Weiss”S videos, spent thousands of dollars on couples therapy and individual therapy, read dozens of books....none of that works without the other partner. If I was immature I would of had an affair or left, or both already.
I suffered silently for 10 years. I was married for a decade to a good man who, at the first year of our marriage, got involved in New Age religion. Out of the ten years of our marriage, we had sex about 20 times. It was awful. I wanted a baby so badly. He never wanted to touch, never wanted to have sex. We divorced 4 years ago. I’m looking forward to marrying again to a man who knows his place in CHRIST! Thanks for this vid. This is real. I’m a living witness!!!
Please seek Jesus on remarriage. I am leaving a remarriage of 7 years. We were never married in God's eyes. My first husband is still alive. He's still my husband in God's eyes. he had a mistress and he divorced me and left me and our children 23 years ago. Would have tried to work it out but he did not want to. He wanted his mistress.I remarried 7 years ago but have never had peace. His first wife is still alive also. She's his wife.
Thank you grateful for speaking truth. I am sorry for the pain and hard ride you have gone through but encouraged that God can use you to speak truth and set someone else free.God bless
@@kjjackson5053 Thank you but it's very painful. I will be truthful. I miss him very much and I've cried a lot. He is sad too. We were together 7 years and it hurts. Thank you though. God bless you friend. 🙏
As far😅 as telling a woman to “pounce”, I tried that several times. I’d say he liked it, and even responded for himself. I still felt alone during sex even though he said yes. I’m learning of the painful attachment avoidance realizing that unless he wants to work on that, no amount of pursuance on my part will help. 💔 I also recently learned he’s been dabbling in porn, fantasizing daily and masturbating a few times a week. It might just be his preference rather than having to learn to connect. 35 years! I’m working on me now and pretty happy. Sadly, I’m thinking he won’t be trying to change anything. I may always grieve that but I can be ok by myself if I’m healthy! Finding a tribe to support me has been huge!!
I would bet the dabbling in porn is way more than that. After 50 years of marriage and dealing with porn on my spouses part, I gave him the choice. Me or that. I lost. I knew him closing his eyes at the end he was not with me but was in his fantasy. Disgusting. It has ruined our marriage as he blames me for with holding. It is not punishment. It is... you are not using me and that is not going to change. Lies upon lies and he engages at least twice daily to it all. I will not be used. Or blamed!
1. Shine the light on it. Confess it 2. Intimacy Anorexia 3. Sexual Abuse 4. Sex Language Mishaps: desire celebration, patience, fun, acceptance. 5. Depression 6. Low Thyroid 7. Low Testosterone 8. Schizoid Personality Disorder
THANKS so much for listing the 8 reasons, as it was so frustrating to listen to the host interrupt the doctor after he gave each one. Just don't see "health issues" (e.g., prostate cancer, diabetes, medications) listed, unless it's covered within one of them.
Thank you for addressing this subject. I appreciate your honesty and openess on this sensitive subject. You might have included some verses on the subject to highlight what a gift our sexuality truly is and that it is made by God. But your short discussion opens the door for many to start communicating. Ann.
It's amazing how God puts people together. Today I saw Dr. Weiss and Joni Lamb confess their love and engagement. It's wonderful - I wish them much joy in their impending marriage, as they serve the Lord together.🥰
@@Outlander.1 No he didn't. But Jimmy Evans was there to give the audience some background because Dr. Weiss is divorced. Jimmy Evans wanted everyone to know that he and Dr. Weiss had a talk and he found that Dr. Weiss had biblical grounds for his divorce. Joni Lamb introduced him and Dr. Weiss kissed her when he came out to the table. Way before he was introduced, she said that her late husband Marcus Lamb said if anything happened to him she should remarry or she should not be alone. I could tell Joni was over the moon happy and he was too. They could not stop smiling.
I want to hear his wife's side of the story- Usually men who are "recovered" sex/porn addicts are good at justifying their behavior and choices, often claiming THEY are the ones being abused. The porn use in itself is abusive, especiallyif he was relapsing..... Also, the timing of him filing for divorce did not avoid an appearance of evil.
@@laurasaggau3596 no one knows if the wife may have wanted the divorce. People are wildly speculating in the most negative ways. If he was not recovered from sex addiction (which he addressed during college/seminary years decades ago) I guarantee he would NEVER have gone on to become a successful psychologist and have an effective ministry. Now I understand why Joni's announcement was prefaced by saying "under the leadership of Jimmy Evans". They anticipated people's criticism and judgment.
Who whoa whoa hold up. Just around minute 28:28, he just mentioned in passing - being unfaithful. I always thought of unfaithfulness as meaning cheating on some one with somebody else or sex outside of marriage - but this is a bombshell concept that sexless marriage is also unfaithful - to God and to your spouse. That is huge. That avoiding sex with a spouse is just as unfaithful as cheating on them - because ultimately you are still cheating the partner out of the connection and intimacy that sex brings.
Woe woe woe that’s what’s happened. The above idea is a shuttle excuse from the pit of lies. There something about this man that he has hidden extremely well. He strikes me as a narcissist of the highest order and It could be Daystars downfall.
That's the first time I'm hearing someone speak the truth about marriage being a union between 3 people, God and the couple. The Holy Spirit is the relationship manager that coaches the couple and teaches them what to do to show love, respect and stay together forever.
For anyone here struggling in this area physiologically, I want to offer some encouragement- my husband is diabetic and he is experiencing a common side effect - the inability to keep an erection. So we don’t have sex the way we used to because we can’t. HOWEVER, we kept talking about it and determined that God wants us to be intimate however we can. So while we don’t have actual intercourse anymore, we still have plenty of intimacy and we can both still reach orgasm. We’ve met others who struggle and give up and it breaks our hearts but here’s my encouragement- you’re a couple - so stay in “lover’s lane” as opposed to “friend zoning” each other. In other words, Do things that lovers do, however it works. Give that to each other. It’s amazing how even this struggle has led us to a new level of oneness! We’ve been married now for 36 years and have never felt more alive :) Hang in there.
Absolutely LOVE your response, as I can relate. There's not enough info on here that focuses on the health issues. So no way I feel this was TMI. On the contrary, would love more detail on exactly how you stay in lovers lane. Wonder if Dr. Weiss's DVD addresses this(?)
🙏YES but GOD, Lack of Forgiveness of the Transgressions that have occurred within the Marriage, Spiritually Emotionally and Physically. Go to the LORD Jesus to ask for Forgiveness Individually, then as a Couple; and to another. JESUS🙏 needs to be at the Top 👍🙏❤️🙏
I too wish more men looked up stuff like this to help the marriage & the family. In my case, it’s affecting the kids too because there’s unhappiness, anger, resentment... 😞
usually the husband who is not a believer and from old school upbringing will never want to be educated in this area. the husband have no idea that his wife was having a bad day at work - never want to make the effort to understand that woman are wired and created differently than man. Even though the wife explains how she feels - to the husband - he thinks that he has married the woman and that is good enough. This is being shared based on some of my good friends who has been experiencing this - at the beginning of the marriage - sex was the key and then when the children comes - its all about them. Asian man do not wish to even discuss about this, because if they are not able to satisfy their wife - it is a big failure on their part. They dont realize that by communicating and asking the wife in which are they can improve - will gain respect and more love from their wife. Very sad and in reality many asian women face this situation. :(
I'm so glad he mentioned personality disorder because this is what I have experienced with my husband. With Npd. The only help I truly believe will help him is deliverance from the attack of demons that live with in him from sexual abuse in his child hood along with parental abuse. I was abused as well but I decided that I need deliverance and to forgive those who harmed me. There is no hope for us except for deliverance of the demon of unforgiveness to start with. It's not that he is sexless it's just not with his wife.. Thank you for posting this message. It let's me know I'm right.
You're right that the trauma needs to be healed. Deliverance can be helpful, but probably not a cure-all if your assessment is correct. If you need direction for counseling, we offer phone counseling if you can't come in person. You can call my office at 719-278-3708. We also have support groups available.
I totally understand what you are saying Darlene. My husband has BPD, we have been married 28 years. So much unforgiveness, anger, rejection, abuse......(too much to write & I'm just tired 💔)
I've known a few couples who eventually went through sexless phases, but were still happy. I don't think a couple should feel pressured to change if they mutually decide to take a break from sex (busy or older) and still show love as a couple. They can still show affection, hug, kiss, go on dates, and do fun things together. If only one makes that choice, it's a problem. Also, there are times that husbands (not just wives) want a break from sex. If a husband (or wife) pleads for a break so they can sleep, respect their wish and be reasonable. This show gives the impression that if either spouse doesn't constantly want sex, there must be some problem. Sleep can help a marriage too! :)
Donna Mcdonald That’s not what it means. They are speaking of hurt coming off in being rejecting on the regular. It’s not about taking a break from sex.
I'm at the point where I don't want to be married anymore, it's like I'm married to Enoch. Doesn't matter how much I communicate the issue or my desire, it's never addressed....I know I deserve much better than what's happening here
Your pain of being married and alone is real. If you need support, you can call us at 719-278-3708 and we can schedule you with one of our therapists. We also have a Married & Alone phone group and Facebook group you can join that has resources and an encouraging community. You are not alone in this. www.drdougweiss.com/married-and-alone-group/ facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/
This was MY marriage. NEVER, EVER. And he would NOT TALK abt it at all. It was really, really sad... It STILL Dont Understand & I STILL have DEEP WOUNDS bc of it. No Children, No family... Now, no grand children, NO Legacy.
Hi debra I hope things are slowly getting better for you it's sad to have gone through what you have gone through I think some times people don't think that others suffer but they do I'm sure you will get better in time and hopefully put all this behind you and you will have a wonderful life again
If a partner is on the Autism spectrum that can have huge implications in the bedroom too! There aren't many resources out there either. It is likely it is not diagnosed and subtle too.
Praise God for this show. The young people only get messed up ideas about sex, no godly counsel or loving advice like this. Bless you, bless you, bless you
When they started talking about hormones changing as you get into menopause and maybe even earlier, I got really worried. I am 32 and have been pure for 10 years waiting for my husband because I can't give Satan any inroad into my life or he will take it. I really pray for a restored, redeemed sex life every day and that I get married soon. Anyone else feel like praying for me, please do. Thank you
glacier8 , Sweetheart, please relax OK, talking first as a Christian, you're doing great if you've given your heart to the King of Kings. Secondly, as a medical personnel, menopause covers over a period and I don't think you should fret over that now, it doesn't start early for all. Moreover, cast all your cares and burdens on him because he loves you, l pray that the Lord will bring to pass all the desires of your heart in Jesus name Amen.
glacier8 , Sweetheart, please relax OK, talking first as a Christian, you're doing great if you've given your heart to the King of Kings. Secondly, as a medical personnel, menopause covers over a period and I don't think you should fret over that now, it doesn't start early for all. Moreover, cast all your cares and burdens on him because he loves you, l pray that the Lord will bring to pass all the desires of your heart in Jesus name Amen.
God bless you Sis. Staying pure for 10years is quite a spiritual feat and I give God the glory for keeping you and thank you for cooperating with the Holy Spirit. Don't let the enemy decieve you that you're drying up because it's not true. As you've committed your life to Christ, trust that he will quicken your mortal body when he gives you to your husband. 😍😘😘😘 Stay encouraged in Christ!
Abba, I pray You bring the person who YOU have for Glacier8. I pray for a Divine appointment, a Divine connection and a Divine set up in Jesus name. Amen
If Depression is job and financially related then no meds can change the situation, so depression tends to hang around.... especially when there is no money for help. Vicious cycle!
This is exactly right. I would get accountable to a pastor to stop one leg of the cycle, then move on from there. Also, see if there are support groups in your area for depression.
My marriage is sexless for 4 1/2 years. Pornography, selfish behavior (not being available, mentally, physically and emotionally) husband not taking care of himself, gaining weight and not being able to perform. It's more lonely being married than alone.
How come Dr. Weiss was commenting on Daystars platform four years ago as if he was the owner. Marcus Lamb was still alive. Too many little red flags popping up for me. Wolf in sheep’s clothing I’m afraid.
Love this guy wish I had listened to him before my marriage broke up years ago I had no one to talk too my poor husband suffered so did I but the doctor was hopeless gave us no help I’m crying now
God makes everything new. Nothing is impossible to Him. I know a couple who divorced after 17y and got back together after everything seemed lost. But you need to work with the Holy Spirit, and good godly people. Everything we experience has it's purpose. I pray for you and bless you!
When he speaks of exhaustion, focus issues, concentration , memory, sexual problems, etc please remember this may not be depression, it could very well be low testosterone. These symptoms are common for low T and not neccesarily depression. This could lead to depression.
@@DrDougWeiss My husband's testosterone was diminishing for years. He was prescribed it by a urologist but eventually stopped using it. Never told me until I asked. Said it wasn't working and was dangerous for him. I have talked and tried everything. I love him and hate him at the same time.
Low T is no excuse for lack of intimacy. There is other ways to show intimacy. My husband of 13 years has low T…was given a prescription for shots 2 years ago and they are still sitting in the drawer. He has told me he is just not interested. I’m not worth it. …it’s sad. It’s painful. I’ve begged him to get counseling, he won’t. I can’t remember the last time he hugged me . I’m done.
Do you know what is so sad about many of the comments here? They say they don't think lack of sex is an issue in a Christian marriage even though the Bible is clear that sex and intimacy are a God given part of marriage and that husbands and wives are not supposed to withhold sex from one another.(1 Corinthians 7:5) The Bible is also clear that not everyone was meant to be single.
“Christ died so we could have a great sex life”. Yes and Yes, I conquer 💯 %. Very few Believers dare think that or even say it out loud but it’s true. I like this Doctor. He’s spiritual and practical at the same time.
Thanks for watching. I have a lot of information about this and other topics on my channel, as well as over 40 books. You can check my store out here: www.drdougweiss.com/
Christ died to reconcile us back to the Father and be in union with Him and sure God is the designer of the male and female anatomy and sex within the confines of marriage between a man and a woman, praise God!!
@Victorious Spirit agreed that what he said is so wrong in every way. That means Christ died for our selfish fleshy gratification. Ludicrous. That comment was so out of context!
Yes, I know one couple who has never had sex because the man has a physical problem-- even had surgery and it was not resolved. Perhaps this is a small number of cases and that's why they did not discuss it.
That happened to me. My husband became less and less willing to have sex. Until the lack of it has actually caused my vagina is atrophy! I once loved sex and it was a very important part of my life. But, my husband has that intimacy anorexia and we don’t connect!! At all :(((
I can’t tell you how happy I am to have found Dr. Wise just today. When I hit dead ends and I don’t know what to do I always turn to God and go looking for answers. I believe the Lord led me to this place
it's so unfortunate that most of us who watch programs like this are women. I wish men could really take time to learn and invest in relationships. they don't really watch great videos like this . it all falls back to us. It's heart breaking
Catherine N there are men who want to invest in a relationship, not mulitple ones, but some of us avoid talk shows because we see a better way, and this is not to say that such men who think like this are any better than others. I for one seek the counsel fo god revealed in the Scriptures called the Bible - that is the Light for my feet and my path. and the info in its pages, is contrary to the opinion of many, very practical indeed. And what may not be said can be gained through fellowship with other likeminded believers, and of course through the avenue of praying to the Living God, directly in simple faith. I do also from time to time investigate other sources but I am very careful as to what those sources are. The God who made us all is the best source for information, and for counseling. He has left us with a manual, if we care to read it with an open heart.
@@ianmcdonald8648 you Have spoken well. I am also a Christian and I believe in the word of God. The holy Bible too. God has also inspired men and women in our days to talk about new challenges that we face in our marriages. The Bible doesn't go into details about all of these things. But of course it touches them especially in songs of Solomon and Ecclesiastic but still we need to sit and talk about these things. Some People don't have time to even read the scriptures and still they won't watch programs like this. Especially men. If we do a survey now more women are in the churches praying for their marriage, more reading books watching programs like this and many others just to see how they can save their marriage. How many men do this? They do. But how many?
Ian McDonald you are one of the man she is talking about. Completely out of touch with reality. People need doctors, counseling, keep reading your bible when you are depressed, with cancer stage 4, wherever, and let me know. People need doctors, and all sorts of things, my gosh, you are so out of touch. Are you still married? Or are even married?
@@laurenmay2098 dear Lauren, my own wife died of a stage four brain tumor years ago, and it was only discovered in its final stage. I do not dismiss doctors and nurses and so forth, and all the good they try to do. My own wife just trusted in Jesus even during those last 10 weeks. And she called upon His name in her bed at home to save her, three times and she never had a doubt about His ability to save her soul. And so I am out of touch simply because you have no idea of my own story? I don't blame you, you just don't know. there is a word for that and it is something that applies to all of us on different levels - ignorance. We all suffer from it. Anyway, just thought I would let you know about my own "ignorance".
Very interesting. As a single older woman, I think it’s wonderful that the church is addressing this subject for marriages. So I’ve never heard anything for single women or men. I had one young man ask me in frustration and tears, What do I do? bc he heard it’s a sin to self caress. Surprised by the question, so l told him I thought to answer him, not to objectify a woman or potential mate in his thoughts. The same issue came up yrs later with a middle aged man and he said “Well that would be boring.” Those were the only 2 times the subject ever came up. So I’m assuming the pastors encourage the men to actively persue marriage which is acceptable protocol for men of all ages. However it’s a different protocol for women even though they also have a sex drive. Certainly the most beautiful will have no problem bc they are the most persued. However I feel for the less popular young women who remain single for years bc they struggle with their weight, or are used,sometimes compromised, and dumped when someone prettier comes along. My question is, bc they’re mostly overlooked what are they counselled to do? I’m okay because I’m on a medication which has a side effect that removes that drive. But what about others My basis for telling that young man what I did (I never saw him again due to moving)was, that the verse from the OT where it said he sinned bc he spilled his seed on the ground, was bc he didn’t want to get that particular woman pregnant for whatever the reason was, and then he had sex with her. So the sin was in avoiding getting her pregnant, not self caressing. Thats what heard in the church once only. So I really don’t know how to answer those questions, even though I went to Bible School for three years. My roommate who was younger than me asked me and I didn’t have an answer for her which makes me sad bc I was stronger in the Lord. I still don’t know if it’s a sin or not;😂 That’s kinda funny at my age! I’m just glad, fortunately I don’t have to deal with it. But no worries, as I’ve been ill for many years and probably out of the loop. Many,many blessing! You have a lovely ministry. I just saw it for the first time tonight.🌹♥️🕊️ 🎼🎶🙏🔥🔥🇨🇦🇺🇸🇮🇱😇🤗
WoW this is so powerful enjoyed every bit of information on this topic101% in Jesus mighty name trust God send me to this video plz pray for my marriage same very thing I was talking to God early before 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Yes, he def'ly had (prob'ly has) INTIMACY ANOREXIA, plus Alcoholism (highly functioning alcoholic, but still alcoholic). He may have been sexually abused (entered my mind). But he never opened up. I think he had body shame, too. He also really dislike (aka: HATED) his mother. I think this was at the core of his prob (which became our problem). It has AFFECTED my WHOLE Life.
Hi, Debra. If you're looking for support for being married to an intimacy anorexic, I do have a group for married women who are married to intimacy anorexics here: facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/
LOVE this man! His mouth when he talks, reminds me somehow of Elvis Presley... Such a gentle and energetic man, teaching and explaining the truth about intimacy between husband and his wife - great stuff!! My best to entire studio!
Months? Try years...... multiple ones... and there is always a reason of course. It’s ruined me as a man, I don’t know when I passed the point of hanging onto this marriage without any hope but it’s been many years. I think about the same time that I was disabled, which didn’t take long for her to start the condescending tone like it’s my fault and the pulling away more and more. It’s made me a distant and cold man and as a result that leads to contempt and resentment burned into me now. Especially given all the energy she has, until it comes time for me. Even to have a deep , intense conversation isn’t possible which is something I have to have. I am a deep thinker and need someone to talk with. Can’t even get that. Nope. Not interested in anything beyond superficial crap. Social media addiction is what I have identified as the primary factor that started all this. Her addiction to the phone. Even while you are trying to have a conversation, the damn phone is still there in the hand getting an occasional glance. It’s a EVIL addiction at the top of the list I tell you. I have literally begged her to put it down even for ONE week. Nope. Refused to do it even despite my multiple requests to put the phone away even for a week..... I am one step from throwing in the towel now , after 24 years of life and marriage and about 16 or 17 years were good. But social media , at least helped kick off the downward death spiral. What a waste . The pain is indescribable
According to 1 Corinthians chapter 7, spouses aren't ever supposed to deny one another- unless both partners agree, and it's in order to fast and pray. 1 Corinthians 7 says that the husband isn't in control of his own body, and the wife isn't in control of her body- this is because we are supposed to be joined as one flesh. If more couples decided to LIVE married, there would be less problems with porn and affairs. There are some people who get determined to sin. That is their sin, they must repent. At that point the other spouse has the choice to forgive and restore relationship, or forgive and divorce. Adultery is a Biblical reason for divorce (Matthew 5:31-32)..but remember, God still hates it (Malachi 2:16). Divorce breaks hearts and families. We are NEVER to withhold Love, Respect, and Affection. We are to Love others how WE want to be loved. Do we hope to be forgiven and lived in spite of our mistakes?
Sorry to hear that. However, there is hope and healing available. You can call my office at 719-278-3708 for information and specific directions for your situation.
I have been married twice and both times were without sex. Although I am married the second time, I have come to realize that sex must be for other marriages. The second reason is what I have always dealt with where my spouse withholds sex because I must meet their conditions that are impossible to meet.
John Sebesta - That’s your perception because your experience had lead to believe that. But it isn’t reality. You might want to contact Dr. Weiss. God bless
Most people I know are poorly coupled! Never really had anything in common except for the physical attraction! As a result, it’s like engaging in sex with a stranger!!..Robert from daytradingwiththelight
I just stumbled upon your channel, and I loved this topic. I want to state however, it IS OKAY to be abstinence in sex in a marriage if both couples are comfortable with it. Yes, people have been “traumatized” by sex, and then there is the physical reasons a man isn’t able to have sex, and a medication isn’t good for them because of say blood pressure issues or other issues. My husband and I live the most wonderful marriage, in God, both of us, but we enjoy being with each other, and being best friends, and have a very intimate relationship without sex, and neither one of us are suffering. We KNOW the love is there. So PLEASE let people know it’s OKAY, if your OK with it. My friends in fact have told me that they would LOVE to have a man look at them like my husband looks at me, that is a TRUE LOVE LOOK with the sparkle of knowing each other, and we have date nights, that are very exciting. It’s okay. It IS OKAY.
I know, I wish I would have known that because we would still be married, no doubt. And our marriage was exactly what you just described. So full of love and so happy. But sexless and that was okay for both of us. But we were told that our won't last and we shouldn't be married if we're not having sex.
I understand what you are saying. I've been married twice before that ended in divorces not due to lack of sex but other issues. I've had relationships in the past before getting married and those ended by the man having sex outside of our relationship. I'm now married and been happily married for almost 24 years and the past five years or more have been without sex due to a medical/hormonal reason and my husband has been the most loving and supportive through it and doesn't go looking for anyone outside of our marriage. I know it's rare for a marriage to stay together without sex but intimacy is greated and holds a couple together, and without our faith in God we could of been one of those statistics.
I may have a similar hormonal problem. Post menopausal low estrogen can cause fragile tissue, painful lichen sclerosis and a lot of urinary infections. He is trying to be patient and he is definitely commited and faithful but he likes to tell me of his suffering, which adds to my stress. Just getting over the pain of an extended cystitis and he is eager for me to try asap, as its his male way of expressing his love. I said we cld try soon. I'm told Phytoeostrogens have always helped Japanese women not have these symptoms, so am giving it a try with a supplement.
According to 1 Corinthians chapter 7, spouses aren't ever supposed to deny one another- unless both partners agree, and it's in order to fast and pray. 1 Corinthians 7 says that the husband isn't in control of his own body, and the wife isn't in control of her body- this is because we are supposed to be joined as one flesh. If more couples decided to LIVE married, there would be less problems with porn and affairs. There are some people who get determined to sin. That is their sin, they must repent. At that point the other spouse has the choice to forgive and restore relationship, or forgive and divorce. Adultery is a Biblical reason for divorce (Matthew 5:31-32)..but remember, God still hates it (Malachi 2:16). Divorce breaks hearts and families. We are NEVER to withhold Love, Respect, and Affection. We are to Love others how WE want to be loved. Do we hope to be forgiven and lived in spite of our mistakes?
Besides everything people say, humans marry for sex. I've asked many people if they would get married if sex was out of the table and almost everyone said no. Marriage is pretty much a way to organize sex.
Best to cut your losses! Life Is too short! When you click with someone on multiple levels, sex comes effortlessly!...Robert from daytradingwiththelight
It is not suffering! Menopause for me and Parkinson’s for my husband. We are in covenant and deeply in love! Both of us go to bed at night together & love each other deeply lots of hugs, kisses & spending time together. Why would you think sexless is grounds for divorce or the enemy. A covenant is much deeper than sex.
Wrong. The last 2 to 3 years of my marriage before my ex wife moved out of the house we were not intimate. I am still very angry & bitter over 10 years later. I will never get married again & I spend as much time as I can telling young men this will likely happen to them thus they should never get married.
No "Go jump your husband" is not good advice. Believe me when l say there are husbands who really dont want that at all, in any way, shape or form so l would say that's not a good idea.
My husband cut me off from sex for 15 years . he went to my daughter for it . then he went on Facebook , an dating sites. We was married 25 years . I really thought he was my soul mate . I did divorced him .I felt I was a mother figure to him mose of our marriage . I am 72 now. I am very hurt an 100% all by my self no dog or kinfolks or friends . I didn't have many people in my life any ways . I'll be glad when GOD comes an takes me to heaven . so I can be at peace an NO more tears. PRAY. FOR. me .
Shirley Starnes this kind of sounds like my situation right now but he’s never touched my daughter. She is grown and lives elsewhere. But my husband is on sites he shouldn’t be on. Yet he says he still loves me. But he’s still talking to other women and men. It hurts me so bad! I shall be certain to pray for you. I know exactly how you feel. Please pray for me as well. I’m still hoping to restore our marriage. Look me up on Facebook. Brenda Cousins Sutton
You cant hold onto that hurt- resentment is an acid that eats its own container (I.e. you). Look outside yourself and do something for others- read stories to pre-schoolers, play with rescue dogs, deliver Meals on wheels to shut-ins. Life is precious! Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Marriage relationship is a servanthood, I think looking at it like that is very important. If a husband and wife approach each other like Jesus washing his disciples feet that changes everything.
@@ryanehlis426 and that is true, because..... it is what God set in place in the first instance. God made the man, put him to sleep and from his side took a bone and made a woman and brought her to him. God was involved with it all...that is spiritual intimacy of the original order. And now in Christ... it is even more so.
31 year sexless marriage. I have been the only one that has made the effort. I stopped making the effort a year ago. It's been just over 4 years since the last time.
Richard Misel jr Wow! No wonder you're mad at her and God. Frustrating to say the least. She might have had hormonal imbalance all the while. Research some supplements and vitamins that can help her. Forever Living products may have something
Richard Misel jr please Sir take it easy. Please. I know how frustrated you feel. Just take up a hobby. I'll keep you in my prayers. Have you seen those skoolie conversions? You can fit out a sprinter bus like a mobile home and take to the world. Also can you organise or attend retreats or camping trips? Your life is precious and you deserve to be appreciated. I'll pray for your wife also that God will restore her desire and love for you. Meanwhile, Pastor Dan Mohler has a powerful testimony of his marriage restoration that will comfort you. The blood of Jesus Christ speaks better things for you. Hang in there Brother. God bless you!
23 years later I figured that I was holding onto the outward form of marriage but with none of the power within. I was abusing myself by accepting abuse. I left.
DR Weiss laugh is something else....lol!! other than that he is on point! Rache-GIRL got totally spoked out @ 7:31 (like you could actually read her mind at that precise timing) that was HILARIIOUS!! (made my day, lol) He hit the nail on the head when he said that the only way that a marriage can thrive is when it is a three fold cord: when the marriage is on the Rock-the lord King Jesus!! Amen!!
He said that guys think they get "Lucky" when they their first time and or early sexual experience (at the age of 14-16) comes from a woman who was 23-30 years old....and then when they get to be about 40 they find out they had trauma from that sexual abuse, that is a MOUTHFUL!!
This man is a hypersexual!! Total manifestation of s hypersexual.......I'm not mad at you Dr. Doug Weiss....more power to you SIR!!....WAITT!! did Rache-Girl really say POUNCE on him?! As her advice to her girlfriend having intimacy issues?!!
My wife has to deal with autism and the lack of longing for intimacy that comes with it. She has no need for a sensual touch. Only safe arms around her while dressed. We’re married for 31 years. I longed for a normal sex life but lost hope. Still she is a very kind and careful person, that need to be said. We’ve talked about it, we’ve prayed about it, discussed it with a counselor. But autism makes that a marriage is disabled in the sense of intimacy. As hopeful it al may seem according to Dr. Doug, I believe some of us has to deal with another reality.
Thanks for watching. Medical realities are very different and difficult to deal with and are assessed on case-by-case basis. However, that was not the topic of this show. Sadly there is not a brief answer to your problem.
She has deep issues with HERSELF. And you as a man cannot help her, it's not the part of your authority. I believe when a woman acts this way, it's because she is deeply wounded byher mother as a child. I could be wrong, but it could be also the case with your wife. I was abused and bellitled all the time by my mother and hated myself and never felt worthy as a woman. So...try to find her a godly woman support/motherly authority to whom she can speak and open up about this. Gb
@@darja25 Hello! With all due respect… did you read his first sentence, what he said about his wife? She has Autism. Perhaps you could read about Autism, so you would have a better understanding of what he said.
“Father, I know that I have broken your laws and my sins have separated me from you. I am truly sorry, and now I want to turn away from my past sinful life toward you. Please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again. I believe that your son, Jesus Christ died for my sins, was resurrected from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayer. I invite Jesus to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me obey You, and to do Your will for the rest of my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen"
I have been severely bleeding 8 months after bioidentical hormones for 2 years and they cant fix it. I am so so despondent. Will God ever hear and help me?The doctors make everything worse, they are so Godless. Tests torture me and God says nothing to me. Help Help Help
@@cynthiagunkle7225 Aba please heal Cynthia. Be healed in Jesus name, I command your body to stop bleeding and that eveeything that is wrong may align with it's created purpose in Jesus name. Spirit of infermity leave her body in Jesus name, be fully healed in Jesus name! 💕🌷
@Deirdre Morris Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. They found a mass on one of my female parts that they have no idea about. God please heal me.
@Cynthia Gunkle and any other woman reading this. ABBA Father we cry out to You for these women who are having an issue of blood including me, just as Jesus felt the touch of the hem of His garnment from the women with the issue of blood for 12 years and through her faith Jesus pronounced her healed. We lift up our sisters in Christ to You. Lord we come expectantly Lord that this healing is on its way. Lord we want You to heal us and not a doctor Lord. Where does our help and healing come from. Lord it's from you! Thank You Lord for your healing Spirit falling on all these women in Jesus name. Amen and Amen
And right now we IAM unhappy because she is not getting me the love and affection and attention that I need please thanks because of a medical problem ! And we are having a sexless marriage please thanks again advice private ‼️
yes, like telling your husband that you don't like the over weight stuff before you get married, so they lose weight, u get married and with in a year the weight is back on and they have no intensions of losing it. Even if you are honest about the problem they still have no intension to lose the weight they don't care how you feel about it.
Cheryl Rivera hmmmm! You know, prayer can actually help you a lot. It'll help you love your spouse regardless of their size and God will also use that love to help them do what pleases you. Yes you have your preferences but God can help you focus on having fun with your spouse while he works on them. Yes, God needs to work on each of you and draw you closer together. Humans can't love for long. Emotions and good feelings can't survive facts and reality. It takes God to keep coaching each person to do the right thing. Practice forgetting about the weight. The enemy wants you focused on that so you can miss out on all the great things about your spouse. Till eventually even if they lose weight you'll still be upset.
I hear you. I've come to a middle ground with my husband. He's tall so he's slim but has a gut that he disguises. Sometimes he loses then gains. I pray about this. I give him appetite control natural suppressants when I can. God has to deal with that.
Maria Camacho Your doing your best. May God bless you Sister and give you both more grace to remain understanding and in love. Did you ever try the couple dice Game? You each write down and number 6 sensual things you'd like your spouse to do to you then you take turn rolling dice and exchanging favours. Remain prayerfully playful together.😘😘😘
Maria Camacho Your doing your best. May God bless you Sister and give you both more grace to remain understanding and in love. Did you ever try the couple dice Game? You each write down and number 6 sensual things you'd like your spouse to do to you then you take turn rolling dice and exchanging favours. Remain prayerfully playful together.😘😘😘
My problem was my ex-husband‘s mother told him that affection stopped once you get married and when I talk about affection, I mean, sex and on our wedding night, it all stopped. And tried for years to make our marriage work, but after 6 years I couldn’t do it no longer.
hmm...wish my hubby would understand. he grew up in a family with no love and now he ends up rejecting me constantly. I'm just tired and can't do this anymore.
@@summerbreeze553, who said she had become less desirable? That's not a kind thing to say. Did you watch the video? If you did, you would have learnt that there are several factors besides undesirability that could cause a sexless marriage. It is stereotyping to conclude that sex problems have their roots in a woman who hasn't done anything to be "more desirable."
My husband is severely disabled, with many neck and spinal problems as well as arthritis which did not respond to modern medicines. He said he could no longer have sex with me but still loves me. I begged him, pleaded, said I would use any method or position that would be comfortable to him, but please not to cut off our physical intimacy. But he still refused to have sex anymore. I feel so rejected, so depressed. I don't feel like a woman anymore. I don't feel attractive. I'm missing out on what we used to have and others our age are still having. This is the silent, untold suffering of disabled couples.
This appears to be more about his choices than a disability. Also, with a disability he could create a way to satisfy you. I am sad to hear about your suffering.
I think ego and stubbornness play a part.maybe he doesn't function as well but prob his arm isn't broken.he could prob figure out ways to pleasure u, his wife.if he were thinking of someone besides himself.
Thank you... This was awesome... I learned my problem... I am Schizoid... anorexia Fun Patient Dont like it don't want it from my husb of 38+ years.. But love the fun it brings from somebody else...#InPrayer for deliverance
Financial and health problems,job fatigue,lack of communication,raising children,all contribute ,to drive wedges in married couples - even christian couples. Divorce seems to be the only solution.
Tan Maxwell 45 you're totally right. It seems like it's all fun and games until you say "I do". Too much seriousness ruins the fun. Chasing the lifestyle that you can't afford is a trap. Divorce isn't the solution. Playing and praying together is the way forward. Play and pray. please find time to rest. Ask the Holy Spirit to minister to each of you. Then get away together and play games where you take turns to reward each other with sexual favours for 30secs each until you both call it quits and get it on.😂🙌
@@sharoncrawford3042 that is your choice. But in situations where a person is a predator, and they manipulated you to marry you, and now you deal with all of their hatred, it's time to divorce.
A woman of God that has a high calling into his kingdom Has no desire to have anything to do with a man called husband once ago that is living for himself into "mammon" Idolatry , drinking loving the world and careless about God's kingdom! There's NO marriage there and we are NOT slaves anymore! The Holy Spirit said it's ok and a lot of biblical stuff about marriage is totally been distorted not the Truth!
I'm not sure of the point you are making entirely but think I might agree with you. Many women are running after God and it is hard to connect with a husband who is not in the same place spiritually. Especially if the woman has undergone a lot of pain trying to connect with husband in "his world" either because he doesn't honor her or his ways cause her spiritual discord.
All I know is my first priority is God... Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and then all these things shall be added unto you. God wants and loves for us to have healthy relationships. It's part of our inheritance of what Jesus did on the cross. With that being said, I can sexually fulfill my husbands needs. When I'm off with God, then my sex life & marriage is lacking. God love sex, and He's in the very room when we have it.
Well if a man or woman is chasing after God so bad, why disobey God? The bible says don't withhold your body from each other unless its agreed on. So if you love God you will obey him.
My wife insists that "everyone she talks to says this is normal". That's not what our marriage / sex therapist says - yet my Wife keeps dodging the responsibility and discussion.
I know of about 4 Christian couples who barely have sex. 3 out of the 4 are due to the men not wanting it. (2 couples have since divorced). It’s a very bizarre crisis. I think there are many people who struggle with same sex attraction and get married hoping that will fix it. I feel bad for the women who marry into that.
Thank GOD im now single;two miserable marriages to violent pornographers, i believe GOD wants me to remain single,id marry JESUS CHRIST any day if that was possible. !😁
@ ODD, I hear ya...my ex husband had porn issues...thank God he divorced me...as a legalist Christian, over 25 yrs ago, I wouldn't leave him....I felt it was wrong & the guilty conscience bothered me! Now he wants me back...imagine that...no thanks, I wouldn't go back to him for a million $$$. Wonderful you're single & happy. Spiritually speaking, you are married to Jesus, he's your best friend and loves you like no man ever could! Blessings to you!
@@Hannah2265 wow thanks for that,i endured the violent first marriage for 8 years and the second one he begged me for a divorce even though i still loved him and was trying to help him get off the porn but he still kept being abusive and violent,i would act aggressive and would use foul language due to intense hurt and anger,so 13 years in total of two abusive marriages, i know GOD hates divorce and i hope HE will understand why im divorced. Gby
@@nopretribrapture2318 Gods laws were meant to guide us. He knows we cannot keep the law, thats why He sent Jesus. It's called Mercy! Christian's & church doctrine took it a little too far making us feel guilty if we dare contemplated divorce! He understands our heartaches, issues and pain. Sorry for what you had to endure but you've kept your faith in the Lord! Nice talking to you! God bless! Xx
झूठ बोलने की जरूरत पुरी जिंदगी मे कही पर नही, देखो सब तरफ सच्च है। इस लिऐ सब इधर उधर स्वर्ग जैसा लगता है। सिर्फ लालच और ईगो के कारण यही नर्क बन जाता है झूठ शैतान का नरक है जिसे बह स्वर्ग समझता है पर अंधेरा है। खाई है। मौत है । भगवान् जीवन की जोत है सच्च है। रास्ता है। क्योकि सब कुछ भगवान् ने बनाया है, भगवान् एक है। और तुम्हारे अंदर है। सच्च पर चलो हमेशा चाहे कुछ हो जाए, बह कुछ नही होने देगा, ये आपके अपने बिस्वास पर निर्भर है ।
Mariana Munoz If your husband is abusing the children or if he is verbally or physically violent then you must seriously consider getting out of the situation. Be at Peace Mariana.
My issue is ED. I've had thyroid issues but it was too high so i had the radioactive iodine treatment which made my thyroid low, therefore i take Synthroid daily. But i think that Synthroid doesn't supplement absolutely everything that the thyroid supplies. I've been very stressed about finances for many years. For so long when my wife was mean, I'd want to avoid her but I've forgiven her but still don't get the desire for sex. But she wants it so bad that she's willing to work at it, so I'm really thankful for that. Cialis works well for me but it's really expensive and she doesn't want me to keep putting chemicals into my body. I delight in her and am still very affectionate but I'm a little nervous of being too affectionate that I'll turn her on and then not be able to fulfill her. This has caused me so much self-condemnation.
There is more to LOVE than sex. And if you are worrying about getting sex at an older age...maybe there is not enough love in that relationship. In the words of a certain song "Only love survives"
Absolutely! Relationship problems are collateral damage. The underlying issue is often a personality disorder in which narcissism features prominently.
As a naive Christian, I didn't know that there can be compatibility issues. Literally different sizes of sex organs which can impact sexual pleasure, or displeasure.
🙏Lack of Authentic Communication and Forgiveness. Forgiveness of Transgressions that have occurred within the Marriage, Spiritually Emotionally and Physically. Go to the LORD Jesus to ask for Forgiveness Individually, then as a Couple; and to another. JESUS🙏 needs to be at the Top 👍🙏❤️🙏
Your pain is legitimate. I would recommend my books, Partner Betrayal Trauma® and Married and Alone. These are excellent resources for you to find your healing. www.drdougweiss.com/product/partner-betrayal-trauma-book/ www.drdougweiss.com/product/married-alone-book/
Sorry to hear that. If this hasn't been fixed, now would be a good time to process any issues keeping you from success in future relationships. We offer telephone counseling at Heart to Heart Counseling Center if you call 719-278-3708.
When I was 14 my mother told me about the birds and the bees🤯. "Did u understand what I just told you?" And I said,"yes, but u and Daddy never did anything like that, did u?!" And I stood up to leave the conversation. Mother said, "Sit down, we have to start over."🤦♀️ I was a virgin when I married, my husband also had no experience.and HE asked,"can we leave the lights on?" And I said,"what kind of a pervert ARE you?" 🤯🤯🤯.....oh dear🤦♀️🤭🤭 Yeah, it took us a while 😂
This advice is great for spouses wanting and willing to learn and apply, but clearly it doesn't answer the issues within every marriage. The key is to find the help and answers somewhere. I believe the Word of God alone supplies the answers, but gaining knowledge from others may be necessary and beneficial. What concerns me more, are all those who think divorce is okay because of a sexless marriage? Or because sexual desire isn't being met? Are those of you saying this Christians? Yes deep pain, self-doubt, depression, anger, and withdrawl often result from intimacy problems, and that's definitely not what God wants for us, nor should we want that for ourselves. But unless I'm mistaken, other than for infidelity or abuse, divorce is not okay with God. Please don't break your covenant because of this. 💜
For me, this is an uncomfortable topic. However, so many of the wrong people, especially Hollywood, present sex in so many ways that are unhealthy and even wicked. So, It's important that there are wise Christians who will cover this topic and reclaim sex as something that is meant to be a very good thing, something from God Himself, that strengthens the bond between husband and wife.
I feel like there are health problems, children, starting businesses, work stressors, finance conflicts, extended family stressors and it just gets exhausting… can make sex seem like one more chore or task they have to make room for in their day and after so long might just seem boring.
Paul Brandt hey. Find me on Facebook. Brenda Cousins Sutton. Friend me there and it will be easier yo chat. But first, I’m not looking for a boyfriend. I’m married with problems, lol!
According to 1 Corinthians chapter 7, spouses aren't ever supposed to deny one another- unless both partners agree, and it's in order to fast and pray. 1 Corinthians 7 says that the husband isn't in control of his own body, and the wife isn't in control of her body- this is because we are supposed to be joined as one flesh. If more couples decided to LIVE married, there would be less problems with porn and affairs. There are some people who get determined to sin. That is their sin, they must repent. At that point the other spouse has the choice to forgive and restore relationship, or forgive and divorce. Adultery is a Biblical reason for divorce (Matthew 5:31-32)..but remember, God still hates it (Malachi 2:16). Divorce breaks hearts and families. We are NEVER to withhold Love, Respect, and Affection. We are to Love others how WE want to be loved. Do we hope to be forgiven and lived in spite of our mistakes?
