As a son I will first take care of my parents who took care of me throughout my life. Second in this particular case, the wife of the soldier was well known for demanding and harassing from day 1 of the marriage. In case your parents aren't good then it's your sorry state of affairs.
I want to reiterate the following statement: You are not in the USA, where kids move out at the age of 18 and take care of everything by themselves. In India, parents typically take care of everything. Unlike my American colleagues, I did not have to take an education loan. That's because my parents took care of it. They are not wealthy, but that's how Indian families operate. They invest everything in their children, and I believe it's reasonable to expect support from their children when the parents are older.
This analysis completely lacks any understanding of the crucial role wives play, in the career success of commissioned officers like Anshuman Singh. Social capital is an integral part of the career success of commissioned officers, because the military has a complex social code where the wife's role is integral and institutionalised. Only people unfamiliar with the complexities of military life, would undermine the crucial role wives play, in the effective functioning of the military
Parents take care of children, children take care of their own children, and the circle of life continues. Parent child relationship is not a transactional relationship that they will do for us and then we have to repay them. This way every generation will become a sandwich generation taking care of both parents and children. This way no one can prosper. You will see that only those families prosper who take care of themselves and their children. If your parents are also dependent on you, then your life is doomed. Always strive to be self sufficient so that you are not a burden on your child. And after marriage, husband and wife becomes the most sacred relationship, takes priority over all relationships. You must have noticed that for your parents- having each other is most important for them, not their parents. Those who don't understand that are also doomed.
Anshuman's parents biggest mistake in the entire saga - proposing their younger son to marry the widow. Whether it was done out of altruism or selfish interests - we will never know. But this incident has given fodder to the social media to cast them as scheming villain. And what parents were thinking - a highly educated widow , with all options open to her, settle for this archaic practice ? They are themselves to be blamed for making themselves look like fools. Otherwise, all their complains and grievances are genuine and needs to addressed at the policy level.
It was done with the intension of keeping everythinv inside the family money,pension and the job which currently Smriti would get. Obviuosly he wouldn't admit to it but it becomes 100% cleae from his actions.
@@dollyraithathaso why has the wife left with the medal? The medal is not hers it's for the martyred soldier The parents should have more right to the son they brought up than the wife I know it was some 8 yr distance relationship...but If it was some huge unforgettable love then she should have stayed No one can make/force the woman to remarry the younger son btw even though the parents suggested it Modern day feminists don't have the spine to carry a family but would line up for all benefits from a man
In this day and age, 1) his parents should be ashamed to ask her to marry their other son just to keep the pension in the house 2) 75 lakhs isn’t enough for greedy parents 3) the DIL has the right to keep the medal and live life the way SHE chooses. Indian parents need to stop thinking DILs are there to command around.
The first thing parents said is wrong totally. Their thinking is outdated. But no she cannot do whatever she wants. She has a moral responsibility to the son's parents as well. It is a both-sided responsibility. In India marriage is not a contract. It is a companionship. All right today remarriage is common fine but you have to share the gallantry award and honour with the parents. There are no 2 ways around it.
@@Anomander5622 the army could issue 2 medals. One for the family & one for the widow. And despite what conservatives think about marriage, expecting her to marry her brother in law is archaic & I am glad she refused. Plus 65 lakhs is a lot of money, expecting her to be an unpaid servant for life,is not.
The father in law gave Smriti some options.How can he do that when she has just lost her husband.All that was needed from the in-laws was Empathy, Support and prayers. The options made me wonder which era was he living in. Specially the part where he speaks about Baby....Isnt it legal for women to adopt or surrogate.
What is wrong with all the option he put forward scarifying and putting him in position which may back fire his other son may don't like to marry widow or his wife may don't want to give up on her first child, you may become westerner you put your self in his father position. Further more it is proven in western society family are the best who can support person in need with no return for support.
Regarding the controversy over the Kirti Chakra, I request her in-laws to be a little more generous and consider her mental and emotional state. In normal circumstances, it would be courteous to share the moment of receiving the Kirti Chakra award with her in-laws. However, when overwhelmed with profound pain and grief, such niceties take a backseat. Her focus is on coping with the tragic loss, making it tough to think of any obligations or courtesies.
Disrespect own daughter in law infont of whole nation, she was love of their son ....even she did wrong this is not the way to deal with the issue both families resolve with help of army,court.
Logo ko y ni dikhta ki y chuppi pichle ek sal se thi aj hi kyu bole vo jb baith kr bat krne k liye bola to ni suna ungli tedi to krni hi thi.. Unhe apne bete ka kirti chkra chiye jo unhe milna bhi chiye aur unka samman unke ghr m hona chaiye na ki world tour p nikl jaye
Completely wrong to say this. The in-laws chose to speak with the media only after the daughter in-law left them no option to communicate with her directly. They remain blocked on phone, via ATM. This only speaks volumes about the greed of the daughter in-law and her parents.
It seems that cap. Anshuman and his wife come from vastly different background. It would impossible for her to live with her in laws without her husband. I have no respect for people who want to get their daughter in law married to their surviving son in order to keep the money in the family
Did you even heard parents entire interview. If you had understood entire issue. It seems like widows parents has cut in laws completely. I don't blame widow but her parents who chose to not to be basically nice to in laws. Her daughter is young. She can remarry and move on but parents has lost a son . If they had keep contact and shared their pain. This issue would have been mitigated.
@@user-de5xy2rz4y had she behave in a more mature way her in-laws wouldn't utter this out in open. A parent had lost a son whom they put all hope and future, this must be put in mind, and after bringing up the son for 27 yrs being left in the lurch is not the way for honouring a parents. She's totally wrong.
This is the case in most of the families in Up n Bihar....where parents want son jus the sake of feeding them n giving them the money as n when required...those jus supporting this man should go to the ground realities in these areas n then comment...
Parents in India think that sons are their property, son's money is their money. That is the problem here. Parents need to realise that once the kids are married, they have their own lives. Of course, kids should look after their parents as much as they can. But parents should focus on being self sufficient so that they dont have to depend on sons. Someone said who will take care of parents? Themselves. Everybody needs to take care of themselves. I don't expect my children to take care of us. This mentality needs to change in India.
@@Antariksha jis तरह से करोड़ो लोग ट्रोल kr rhe महिला को ,,, सॉरी but ye बोर्डर में गोली लगने जैसा ही है ,,, mentally torcher bahut jada भयानक होता होता है दुनिया का ,,, dard पीड़ा तो मैं नहीं जान सकता pr दुखद है ,,,,, मेरा पिता भी आर्मी में थे ,, shaheed नही हुए pr ,,,, apna pura time जीवन ड्यूटी में लगा दिया,,, अपना बचपन मे मुश्किल से 10 , 15 मुलाकात में kr पाया,,, वो मानसिक बीमारी से गुजर gye,,, समझ सकता फैजी लाइफ बहुत sacrifice रहता है सबका,,, जो शहादत हुए और जो जीवित है वो भी,,, जय हिंद
Indian men should just get married to their Mummy and spare the rest of us. Anyways, most Indian mothers treat their sons as surrogate husbands. Mummy se shadi kar ke khush raho. 🥳
@@preetideshpande4629And in this case, it seems Army has done as per the son's will. Inspite of that, this issue has been raised by the parents. This is not in good taste.
@@Antariksha because her parents changed his address no didn't respond didn't even show them the honor that is shameful by his wife and her parents. Who does this? See the screenshots of his father. They have clearly said they don't want money. If her parents and she responded respectfully and solved it internally then they wouldn't have done this. For more than a year his parents are trying. Why aren't they responding and talking internally tell ? Hypocrite feminist. See the other side too.
Her father in law says he gave her three 'options' one of which was marrying his other son which is so so so disgusting.And who is to decide what she needs do in her life?Is it wrong to go to yr parents home during such difficult times when her in laws speak of such disgusting things? 😦
You have clearly misunderstood the father's intent. He didnt dictate her three "options", it is when the daughter's parents expressed concern over her being too young for widowhood that the FIL assured them that if she desired to continue relations with his family, he was not averse to the idea of proposing marriage between her and his younger son. He has categorically mentioned in all his interviews that anything of that sort would have happened only if she had herself desired.
@whocares-fk3jg his father just offered her to marry with his second son. What is wrong. She left his home within 15 days. She will marry any other within one year.
I was searching for a video which was in english just to see the comment difference... The comments in the Hindi news channel videos are from all the what's app uncles and aunties who think whatever his parents said was right! It's so scary that they belong to my parents generation... While it's such a relief to find sensible comments here who accept that it's completely fine for her to move on.
Even if married for a day. And parents of the son loose a fortune, that benefits the wife, It is her right to do as she pleases with her future. And not the in-laws. Law should not be changed, but the mind set must change.In-laws must not become outlaws.
What about a 25 year long relationship with parents they doesn't get any lose, is they are not in grief, is they don't want the (akhari nishani) kirti chakra of their son. About money, If wife doesn't have children then 50 - 50 should be there If wife with children then 70- 30 And, after parents death 100 And if she remarry then wife get 40 and parents 60 2 kirti chakra one to wife and another one to parents.
@@dwightdabreo7478 These parents considered their son as an income earning commodity. Not as a human being. They should be warned strictly and prevented from speaking further nonsense.
The parents should be complaining about how their own son did not consider them #1 in his life and nominated his wife immediately after his marriage. Society and parents don't get to decide who should or should not get money/awards. A person who is educated and mature enough to risk his life for his country gets to make that decision. And this educated doctor made it completely clear who is #1 in his life even when he is gone. And I have no doubt that he will have no problem if she keeps the award and then marries someone else. When you really love someone, you don't want them to sit alone and suffer when you are gone. What matters most is the happiness of the person you love!
Your point of view is absolutely sensible. The world needs more people like you. I second your opinion on this and I appreciate you for not judging her. As an army wife I will tell this, the officer chose to change his NOK and part 2 address without his parents knowledge speaks volumes about his relationship he had with them. Not to blame the girl at all
@@Reena-od4ri so they should not get him married .keep him with them only ….no girl after any bodies son’s…..keep their raja beta with them only ….who is stoping them …..but when a girls enters in your house leaving everything behind…her parents ,family ,friends ,house and some time carrier also then you can’t claim this thing …..because one day that girl will do the same thing for her son …what’s the big deal in that ……this is the system of nature …..I am also a mother of young boy ….still I am saying …..motherhood need sacrifices not claiming that ok you are his wife fine but I am the most important he belongs first to me then you ….this is not right at all .
She is dirty and disgusting 🤮 🤮🤮. What if that is your son that loss and widow took everything away from you. She is only Married for 6 months. She is doing whatever she wants to do. Sorry to say I don’t support that kind of bull shit. Loss soldiers families don’t even care about the money. Only thing they care about this his last memory from the army.
Shows how much the mother respects the son’s life, she chose to tarnish their relationship publicly. She chose to people shame her DIL publicly. As a mother I would prefer no money over such a public insult..
@@driftingsailor4470 Government made this rule when Wife lives with in laws after soldier veergati Today things have changed Thats why they are demanding change in this rule
If the parents have a problem then they should be complaining about how their own son did not consider them #1 in his life and nominated his wife immediately after his marriage. Society and parents don't get to decide who should or should not get money/awards. A person who is educated and mature enough to risk his life for his country gets to make that decision. And this educated doctor made it completely clear who is #1 in his life even when he is gone. And I have no doubt that he will have no problem if she keeps the award and then marries someone else. When you really love someone, you don't want them to sit alone and suffer when you are gone. What matters most is the happiness of the person you love!
@@Priyaykanth_P The soldier decides who gets his awards and money. Not the government. Because it is the soldier who sacrifices his life. So society, parents, government are not the deciders.
Parents should have happily given the award to his wife, no matter if she re-marries or goes anywhere. They are elder and should have a bigger heart. That award can’t bring their son back, but the dughter in law is alive and has a long road ahead. Society needs to respect a role of wife not just parents. If this happens, family will not give their daughter to any soldier. I think the parents are selfish, they should be kind and talk to daughter in law and not come on media. Had they been kind enough, the daughter in law would also show kindness in return. She also lost her husband and this has immensely affected her life whether they believe it or not. What if she was your own daughter and this he happened to her?
I don't understand what was the need to create such a huge ruckus about the physical award when the whole world knows thier son got the award. If they just want it for memories they already have the pictures and videos of the award being given by the president. The award goes to spouse as per rules abd that should be honored.
@@rakshyaacharya4990 "Daughter in law would also show kindness in return" , She is the one who escalate this matter, her behaviour was wrong, they were facing this from past 1 year, so they came in media
At 21:00 it says the money is paid as per the will/nomination by the soldier. The discussion should end there. Grief and greed both cannot be measured. Leave it to the person who knows his family members' condition to nominate the people he wants.
Poor girl has her whole life ahead of her and her in laws want to take control of all her life, she must still be dealing with her late husband's loss, how come they don't understand this? They say we sacrificed our life for our child but any parent would do the same for their children does that mean they get to control their daughter in law? It was a 5 month marriage they say, but they dated for a long time loved each other they won't tell this to the media. Gosh, such manipulative parents!
If she loved him so much Wh did she left in laws alone in old age Isn't it's her duty to take care of them in old age Captain gave his life for this country So he also wants someone to take care of his parents in old age & Captain parents don't want more money they want kirti chakra They want money for other parents in these type of issues Pulwama veergati soldier wife left in laws they don't have money for medicine Kargil has many wifes like this In other security forces have thousands of cases like this Thats why Madhya Pradesh Government changed the pension rules for state government employees Captain parents are fighting for pension change so that other parents who are suffering gets some relief & in future things become more better in these type of scenarios
Actually Indian parents do not love their sons. They treat them as retirement plans and ATMs. This is why all Indian in-laws hate their son's wife. They see their sons as cash cows
@@Priyaykanth_PHow come the daughter-in-law has to care for her husband's parents even after death, but a man has no obligation to care for his in-laws even when they are alive? What a 🤩
@@preetideshpande4629 It looks like your sense hasn't reached to maturity level Your brain is feeded with All Rights - No Responsibility What is women duty She will care for her in laws when she is living with them when she has right of property of her in laws I am not saying men shouldn't care for her in laws but it is limited because he is not living with them, it is not possible to care for someone living far away from home + he is not getting there Assets & women brother, his wife (woman - sister in law) will take care of her biological parents That's how society works
@@preetideshpande4629Valid point , Men should care for their in laws too But this statement of yours was out of spite for sure , Because you don't want accountability 😂
Such a shameful act in laws have done to come publicly . This is not disgrace to the lady also to the martyr. Atleast he should have thought of his son's sacrifice. Whatever was the case they should have not come in media. A huge respect to the veer naree she is already in deep sorrow and then must be seeing all these media reports and people's comments. She doesn't have anyone to listen to her....keeping all her pain and agony with herself. Please people don't comment without knowing other side if the story. Had this happen with their daughter then........
This is ridiculous argument. The talk of need of change of policy, not Western culture are all nonsense. Soldiers are men enough for military to beat their sacrifice but not men enough to make will on their volition ? In the west you despise as alien culture, when every soldier sign the contract and take the oath, they are asked to write their dependents during alive period, and benefits after their death. So, let me ask this, if you say this is indian culture and military should automatically split all benefits to wife and parents, what if the died soldier is Col, he has son and daughter in college, his parents has 2 or 3 children? You pick this one case and want to rewrite entire military code just because one parent hate her daughter in law, who they married their son just 4 months ago. Also it's not easy as for women to get remarried anytime they want . This is stupid. Let each soldier write their will, and benefits, when sign the contract and rewrite when they get married , if not it's their choice. The general law should be that partner is the beneficiary that military should honor.
But the in India too, it is left to the soldiers’ discretion to name his dependents and nominees. The percentage of compensation is decided by the soldier himself. I don’t understand why this squabble be was necessary. And why do it so publicly. It’s only been a an year since they lost the son, why are they embarrassing themselves and the DIL over this?
The son put wife as a nominee. Govt deals the nominee. Govt has to go by Nominee. The wife, parents are showing more greed and less grief and manage these in the private - each one wanting money from government. Parents went one step further and started commenting Agniveer. I respect the loss and the Martyr Anshuman Singh. His parents and wife make it he died in vain.
Just parents to blame not wife. She didn't create any drama like them and didn't even give any statement to fuel it. She chose not to speak about it and respect her husband's sacrifice.
@@sweta.04 Of course thats why she changed the Address of Captain in Government Records Blocked ATM Left house in 2 weeks after death Just watch Captain Parents interview with Switch Channel He explained all the things in Detail
Women should stop marrying armed forces personell. After losing your spouse and a future filled with pain and uncertainty, you are demonised as a gold-digger. Let the parents move every two years to support the soldier emotionally and domestically. Let Mummy-Papa be the soldier's only family. Watch what happens to morale when soldiers cannot find wives. Soldiers fight because they have a wife and children to return to. It's why army wives are treated with so much respect.
@@preetideshpande4629 it doesn't go one way If they will try to do these type of things People will also avoid going into millitary, police, other security forces Soldier woman get's respect when she performs her duty well just like soldier does in there field If she left in laws alone in old age + taking money from soldier pension than it will backslash
The mother who gave birth to the son has the utmost right to keep the gallantry awards Wife can keep the money granted to her portion And either way she chose to move ahead in life which is ok but she has no right to the medal then
Army has dealt everything according to the will of captain Now why there is hue and cry . It is very unfortunate that no body is discussing about the widow aged 26.
Parents have no legal rights over their married children. If a wife dies, her husband is the legal heir and visa versa. This is a family feud gone public. It is an unfortunate case and the opinions of these people is unwarranted.
here comes a brilliant budding lawyer - a new incarnation of late Ram Jethmalani. Arey bhai, who is contesting that anything illegal happened in this saga. Everybody understands the legal rights of a widow. The issue under discussion is about the need , if any, to take a relook at the existing laws and how to balance parent's rights to some extent in such cases. Many good suggestions were made in this podcast on how to address this burning issue , which appears to have been causing extreme distress in the families of young martyrs - particularly the lower income ones of rural areas.
@@aks20002 Suggestions are fine, but spot lighting a personal feud involving a tragedy is very very sad. This could have been discussed as a recommendation to the existing policy. A son or daughters is lost, compensate the parents. If the son or daughter is married and have children, then compensate the surviving spouse. How complicated does this have to be.
She is a decent girl that she is quite till now an if she remarries whats wrong if she finds support 2nd time the parents also have other 2 kids to support them i have seen this father in law is very smart an diplomatic in talking. Ladki kee life kharab nahe huee kyaa usko compensation kyun naa miley these people want to take from bahu an distribute among other 2 kids very clever
Greedy parents . His parents are so dramatic. They do have pension of their own still depending on sons money . Taking this in media totally proofs their mentality. Chakra nhi chapal milne chaiye.
Did you listen to even the discussion. All panel are in agreement. Meghna mam has done a study for 2 years and she herself is saying that NOK must be changed. It's discriminates parents. Just type anything just because you are woman but have facts before typing
And listen to parents entire interview and then you will understand their entire problem. They are completely cut off by widow and her parents. That's why this controversy has starred
@@tanyatyagi2483 listen to entire interview. You may not have patience to go through entire story to understand context but I do. You did not look for context so it's below. They are not looking for a slave but but it's smthing you chose to believe. Context : during funeral, widows father was not sharing pain of father but only saying my daughter is so young. She has entire life ahead. So father said they will do whatever widow wants to do. 1. Remarry- they will help in remarry any one of her choice. And send her off as both families together. 2. Stay with them- unmarried. They are ok . 3. Marry to younger son. But they left choice to her and chose to support her wishes. The entire interview.... ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-ecTtYKE8zWc.htmlsi=wTuxoV5g7AZC_xvv
@@tanyatyagi2483 nah, just leave what rightfully belongs to them. and then leave and life her life if she wants. why take the medal. she has only been 5 months in this life.
Our society is really horrible,people don’t understand that she is just a young girl ,every second person got the right to comment on her , without knowing much about her ,saddening to see officers family washing their dirty linen in public ,kindly stop negativity
Meghna mam is incredible because she has genuinely kept the legacy of her son alive by serving the armed forces in some capacity. The same can not be said about one of the more famous families which I won't name who has only cashed the famous dead Kargil soldier for their own name, fame and money. That story would have been different too if the woman had married that kargil soldier. Thank you Barkha for bringing such intelligent and informed people on this panel. I also agree with Mor Sir that 100s or 1000s such cases exist but because they are in small town and poor families we don't even hear about it. In this case, I agree with Meghna mam said esp the points she makes about parents doing everything for their kids in India paying for education, marrige etc and don't have any support except their children. So NOK needs to be reviewed.
It belongs to the wife , feeling ashamed of the parents and pity that the media is making it a big issue and very sad to note that many ex army personnel comes to discuss about it😢 😢 and lost all sympathy on the parents when I came to know that they offered the widow to remarry their second son - disgusting
Somebody pls stop the parents. They have gone into this vicious circle. Clearly they are not able to see the fundamental problem in their thinking. It appears the gist of their angst seem to stem from their expectation that "bahu" is their property and continue to stay with them even after husband's death. Sure the girl and her family could have handled certain things more empathetically but I can also see how one would be cringed out after hearing the kind of things parents have been talking
Sued? The people should be more emphatic for both the parties. The more it's out in media, more damage is done. The close friends should come and short this issue
@@tanyatango4197 it doesn't. she could have left things with them and gone back to her family like how she came. but nah, she takes it all just for being with them for 5 months.
Am Indian born/educated but chose to live in the UK. My views are so progressive that will have the whole of India baying for my blood. The whole concept of Indian families is sadly as one guest mentioned "Socio/Economic" Only. Indian parents have children as an insurance rather than for the love of children. Have got 3 sons/never expected them to look after me. Knew also once they married their wives/families came first not ME. Glad times are changing/young women can get married again although society sees them as tainted goods. Indian mindsets are so regressive even when they all choose to migrate to Christian West ONLY.
@agnes, even in the West it's about socioeconomic arrangement. The difference is that in the West people have social security (in UK, we have NIS) and do not have to rely on each other financially. I'm sure that if you looked beyond your cultural and religious jibes, you could understand the nuance. But if the purpose is just to make indophobic slur, you've had your day's task completed. Get well!
Indian parents sacrifice everything for their child. There is love and it's expected of children to take care of their parents. It's not insurance or financial arrangements, it's basic humanity and basic culture.
@@triggermet nah, children don't owe parents anything. children didn't ask parents to give birth to them. It was the parent's choice to birth the kinda and hence their DUTY to take care of kids no matter what. In olden times, it was considered very lowly if parents had to seek help of children. Even after her son became a king, Kunti left for vanvas because she didn't want to live off of her son. And that was usually what used to happen. Parents used to leave for vanvas and not leech of kids and feel entitled to everything. It was rather used to be considered a sin to be taken care by the kids. This is what truly used to happen in the "Indian" culture. I'm not saying that one should discard their parents altogether but this mentality that the children owe their parents for taking care of them is stupid and illogical because children didn't ask to be born.
"my ( aka western ) views are so progressive ... and Indian mindsets are so regressive" - the same age old inferiority complex of colored people in play here. I live is USA and have seen countless American families , where husband and wife keep their earnings separate and pool in money in equal proportion to run the family. Wife will not know husband's finances and vice versa. The feeling of my money and your money runs deep and for a good reason as no body knows how long the marriage will last. Once the family is split, look at the plight of the kids. This is the ugliest "social economic" reality that is destroying western families and threatening even the existence of the family as we know it. If still you feel that Indian mindset is regressive, I am happy to be called a regressive Indian male despite living in USA for last 30 years. With this regressive mindset, I raised two daughters with the finest possible education USA offers and no education loan, as my regressive mindset didn't let me watch my daughters get buried in education loans and spend "my money" on driving a Ferrari or Porsche.
@@nothanks0009 You really take this off to another tangent. Have you heard of something called balance?? It is a cycle. You teach your kids to respect elders and take care in old age so that their kids will take care of them. Everything is created to ease the pain of death and enjoy life more. Yes if parents start encroaching more than required then it is wrong but saying kids owe nothing is totally wrong. Morally flawed reasoning And you also speak like bringing someone into this world is a sin and a bad thing. If you are a happy person you will enjoy your existence and will be grateful to your parents for letting you experience this.
The in-laws are are subjecting the widow to a 2nd emotional tragedy. The parents have no rights over that of the wife. By their behaviour the in laws have revealed the "tortyre" the poor widow has undergone. Their behaviour only alienates the widow.
Wow! Barkha Dutt batting for misogynists because views trump facts and objectivity. It's funny how all three panelists neglected to mention that the military wife is an integral part of the career success of a soldier. This is especially true for commissioned officers, whose social and professional capital frequently rests on the wife's social skills, her ability to care for a family independently, during the soldier's long periods of absence from family life. It is the wife who cares for the family when the soldier is consumed by his professional duties. It is the wife who uproots her life every two years. It is the wife who is confidante, who understands the complexities of military life. Parents do not uproot themselves every two years. They do not sacrifice ambition and comfort to care for the family when the soldier is away for months together. As the daughter of a retired brigadier, I laugh at the presumption that the parents deserve an invitation to raising days, because only the wife is designated NOK because it's THE WIFE who enables a soldier to focus on his military responsibility because she takes care of everything else. Women should STOP marrying men in armed forces and the parents should move every two years with their Raja Beta
This! How convenient of them to forget of women's labour. My mother couldn't have a proper career because of this even after being well qualified. But yeah, parents want to milk all sympathy
Civilians who become doctors lawyers CAs etc also have their parents hardwork as their initial capital of becoming who they are but they also are not accompanied with their parents to all the social gatherings and felicitation ceremonies etc. Its the spouse everywhere because she is the pillar now. Spouse's sacrifice is so much diminished in our country.
it has only been 5 months. what integral part are you talking about. it all pales in the comparison of how much parents did for him. yet not rightly awarded. archaic practice it seems.
A very grim day indeed !! Prayers for the departed souls and may God give immense strength to the families of the deceased🙏🙏. Smriti's family should support her in this immense moment of grief, it is really disheartening to learn about this controversy during a difficult time in the family.
If she moves to australia nothing wrong, uskey bhee maa baap ney shaadi par paisa kharch kiyaa thaa jo waste ho gayaa aur beti ka ghar bhee nahee basaa, have heard on some news channel patents also got 15 lac out of 50 lac and 50:50 from insurance money is given so why are they saying saab ley gayee
Family bahut shanee maloom hotee hai 50 +15 mil gayaa toh bhee saab channel mein aa kar chilaa rahee saab bahu ley gayeee saab bahu ley gayee an medal key saath jo book aur invite milaa thaa woh bhee agar bahu ley leti toh aur shoor kartey yeh
Any girl father would hesitate to marry his daughter in armed forces after this ..she has lost everything and in laws are accusing and ruining her image in public ..awwa must intervene in this matter
It would be very difficult for hime to marry off his other 2 kids nobody would want to get married with such inlaws. Koi jaan boojhkar kue me kyun koodega. I am myself from U.P but would advice anyone to marry with boys from U.P , Bihar belt as most of the parents have this mentality to dominate over resources. For them not just theirs and their son salary is their money they would consider DIL money as well as their own and dictate over everything.
Meghna girish mam has given up the pension and money because she has been financially well. Also about this case, the parents only keep option about marrying, not marrying or whatever she wants because the girls father said that she need to move on even before the terwi of the captain.
The truth is that soldiers will lose morale if they don't have a wife and children to come home to. After a certain age, most normal human beings desire a partner and a family of their own. If you start demonising military widows like this, very few women will want to marry soldiers. There is already a deep reluctance in India to have daughters marry military personnel because parents fear for their daughter's future and the uncertain nature of military life. It's not an easy life for the wife and children of military personnel and their sacrifice enables soldiers to give their all to the nation. Very few men will join the forces if their marriage prospects diminish and women refuse to marry soldiers
@@preetideshpande4629 Very true indeed. The parents of the captain is dishonouring the sacrifices made by him on attacking their daughter in law. I mean she has said nothing at all.
These parents should be ashamed of their behavior. Their son is dead, their daughter in law is alive. Support her, love her, validate her pain and loss. How does a medal no matter how valuable compare to the feelings of a young woman whose entire world has come crashing down?
Wonderful discussion 👍....my honour, heartfelt condolences 😥and respect for both sides... it's heart break incident for parents and Dear Smriti also.... well said smwhr mother n girl both are women, all are going through deep loss and hurts. Parents don't want more, except respect, honour and keep in touch feelings from daughter -in - laws. (After going through many news, couldn't resist myself, so my feelings r here)
As a society, we need to learn to respect women’s choices if they want to move on. This witchhunting business is bad. However I don’t know the particulars of the case, but parents should be allowed to atleast have the Kirti Chakra for a while
Father in law"s talk is full of anger and hatred....and bringing it all in public against his own family member, daughter in law......Why bring all these sensitive family issues in public domain?? Will their Son like these comments against his love and wife by his own parents in public..??? His heart must be bleeding watching these.....Parents have each other's companionship to share....whom does the widowed girl have as companion??....
Such a disgusting suggestion. They are greedy and after the backlash they are trying to clean their image. Their concern is just money. What are they going to do with the money. They are pretty comfirtably off. Cap Anshuman was smart. He realised it early on and willed it to the wife.
Anecdotal experience must not dictate policy changes . Such crass statements like husband died and wife walked away with everything bring agony . What he forgot is the lady lost everything the moment her husband died . No money can ever compensate the death of her husband
@@user-bl2lr4ns8j Medal Kyu vapis hoga? benefits stop ho jayegin bs.. Tumne jeeti hui trophies vapis kari hai kabhi? Vo remarry kare ya na kare, ye uska decision hai, tum koi chacha lagte ho kya ghar ke jo cheap comment pass kare ja rahe as if you know her or something? Abhi uske dimag mein chal raha hoga remarriage?
Parents of married officers are not entitled to pension as his now family, wife and children, will get the pension. If parents don't have means to survive, then they will get a share in pension. That's why this rule. Sad to see that capable parents are also after son's pension
They are after the son's pension? I guess you aren't a parent yet. So you do not realise what it takes to lose a child. It is their right that should have been given without asking.
@@touskarof course I am. And these greedy people have reduced the definition of parents to businessmen. Give and take. They ate more concerned about money than their son's wishes, his written will, his love and his wife.
Will you stop giving these greedy parents free publicity? Their thoughts and attitude towards their daughter-in-law is reprehensible. Patriarchy is evident in their views and attitudes.
I wonder why the parents are greedy enough to judge the decision of their departed son since he already believe his wife and did what is right for everyone. No one even parents has no right to judge.
A martyr's father want to atleast see the "Kirti chakra", an honor his dead son has earned by giving his life. What's wrong with that?? She's absolutely wrong when she: 1. Left home like that. 2. Never bothered to let a martyr's father even have a look at the medal. 3. Stopped talking to in laws. 4. Changed address.
😂 I am sure she has more to say, she is just being dignified not speaking about her in laws. May be she respected the honour of her husband more than his parents will ever do. She had one husband They have 3 sons..
It's clear that the situation became problematic when she didn't show the medal to the parents even once. Naturally, every parent would want to see and touch the medal at least once. They are not demanding it for themselves; they just wanted to see and touch it. While some may argue that the wife is grieving, considering the parents' perspective, it seems she lacks basic human decency.
That's a valid point but his parents are crass, you have to acknowdged this. The FIL shamefully said that the widow should marry the brother in law and how the Mil said, "bahu to bhag jati hain" and "hamare culture se hoti to aisa nahi karti" and many other vulgar things. This definitely shows that this isn't simply a medal issue. It's more than that and the in-laws are just acting like pathetic beings by airing their dirty laundry in public and getting involved with politicians. If they can say these things on tv then they can say much worse in private. There must be a strong reason why the wife left the parents.
@@nothanks0009Any parent who genuinely love their son would honour and respect the woman their son chose to marry. They would honour their son's will and his desire to provide for the wife who has been widowed at such a young age
Here the story is all different because the daughter in law didn't leave any option but to speak.. she just ran away leaving them in the lurch, without letting the father even to have a glimpse of the award. I can understand the mental state of the daughter in law, I put the blame on the girls parents..they are the one playing behind.
Father of Anshumaan was present at ceremony along with mother. He was also present in rehearsals. There's no way he didn't see or touch the chakra. In fact mother had grabbed the chakra in rehearsal ceremony and didn't let daughter in law take it. Only after CO's intervention, they allowed daughter in law to take the award. Because she was next to kin to Anshumaan as per his wish.
@@divm8559 it was during the ceremony, after the ceremony they parted ways, I believe what the father had said. Every father would feel the pinch if he is deprived that right. It's not about picking out one particular incident and giving out our narratives or comments. It's more than that. I can understand what the parents are trying to portray. it's the plight of the father which is crushed after such a great loss which can never be compensated. How hurt they must be after receiving such treatment from someone whom they trusted to be with them after their son's demise. But I also understand the daughter in law's state of mind. She is not in a position to fathom what's right and what's wrong. the more I think about them the more I end up blaming the girl's parents who are the real culprit behind.
@@rohitjoshi2241they already have two kids who are well established doctors in noida. The father is an ex serviceman and gets regular pension and other army benefits. Got 65 lakhs from army n up government and still crying for money. If the Captain had clearly nominated his wife then the parents should respect his wishes and keep their damn mouth shut. And so what she remarries? Is it a sin for a 26 year old to get on with her life? If there was a man in her place I am sure you wouldn’t have made such disrespectful comments. The parents have sullied their son’s memory and brought shame to army. They should learn from major dhoundiyal’s mother how to treat martyr widows! Smriti singh has shown utmost grace by keeping silence and not dragging this ugly drama
In my opinion, both the Mom and wife should come to an understand. The materialistic world has lost the sense of belonging and compassion not only amongst family but human beings per say. If the young wife will be getting married again, she shd hand over the award medal to his parents. If she’s not then she should have a formal relationship and maintain a calm.
Great panel for such a heartbreaking subject. Wonderfully and thoughtfully articulated by everyone. Just a quick comment. The ticker says Maj. Suggest that be changed. He's Maj Gen.
Thank you Barkha ji for the much needed discussion. We mustn’t forget that a widow is ostracised even by her own family, she is considered inauspicious in our culture. Indian media is all for witch hunting, you have made a difference and you have all my love and respect. Keep up the good work! 🙏🏻❤
Her in laws are only highlighting their liberal thoughts in her marriage issue. Not her life, not her education, not her empowerment for the life ahead. Only talking about money and marriage. And not everyone likes to be fed by someone else. She must be suffocating in the Noida flat which is why she took all her belongings. As for her husband's belongings, she can't take them when she is thinking of going abroad so why take them to her Punjab home.
We can see how bad the in laws that why she didn't stay with them ... i can say this is a family matter n has to be in the house but these family shameless call media
You should have kept your son unmarried. They have shown the true color of in laws..imagine the sufferings the lady has to go through with this kinda illiterate parents. Shame on them. Seems like whole nation feels disgusted
Many young Army officers are from very poor families who vowed themselves to work hard and become someone in life. Along with them, their poor parents struggle day and night helping him that someone, then very educated beautiful young girls from middle class well off families or, even girls of very senior Army officers daughters will convince him to marry and problems starts from day one of their married life because of the different family backgrounds, status and upbringings, different mentality,etc.... such pity, i have seen many Army officers so depressed and frustrated in personal life. At the end of the day, parents are the ones at the loss. Lesson is to find life with women of same society and mentality... One who doesn't change colour after marriage. Yes.
In Anshuman Singh's case , Martyr's father was getting pension, it's shameful to splatter shit in such cheap manner. Yes there is immense poverty in soldiers/Martyr's families but in this case in particular shame on Martyr's parents to speak such low words & blames , bhaag gai bhaag jaayegi .. etc. etc.
Did I hear that ? there should be a rule of the duration of marriage? If it has been one month of marriage then the amount should be less ? officers at this age , Not reading Bhagwat or Quran or anything ! Barkha , Cummon , Invite some young Men serving and their wives ! Make Rules for them first to give some amount of their salaries to their parents ! Invite some widows also to share their experience after the demise of their husbands ! And , Not only from Army , Go see and look into any next door family of Indian streets ! Even if Families earn much , They still have same issues with in laws and DILs !
Smriti can choose to go wherever she wants as she is grief-stricken. Seen instances where widows going to their children's homes in other countries soon after their husband's death.
@@touskar nobody is going to make a movie just because she would want that. Also captain marrying her is statement enough. If a proper marriage is questioned like that what else is there for a woman.
