Should we stay together for the sake of the children? - Mufti Menk 

As-Salamu Alaikum I came to islam like few weeks ago and i have started to memorize Qur'an and 99 names, i remember 10 names now and i memorized Surah Al-Fatiha💯💯💯

My Mom is sick, please make dua for her. May Allah SWT bless you

Mufti u select those topics which are reality of life but few will dare to discuss May Allah the almighty strength and courage and happiness Ameen

My mom wanted to stay in an abusive marriage with my dad for the sake of my sister and me, but I told her to divorce him because we refuse to live in toxic atmosphere. She became ill because of stress and emotional/verbal/physical abuse in her marriage, her health was at stake, but she didn't want to separate because she was sure that people would badmouth my sister and me, that we won't be able to get married or have a normal life as children of divorced parents. I couldn't bear to see my mom struggle every day just to keep our family together, picking up the pieces of the marriage that fell apart and trying to have it under control just because of my reputation and my sister's reputation. Children deserve to live in a healthy space and may Allah, s.w.t reward you for this video, Mufti. You really pointed out all the facts and reality of toxic marriage and families. ♡

My parents stayed together for the sake of myself and my siblings and let me tell you from a childs perspective this is the most toxic and unhealthy thing you could possibly do. Every day constantly arguing, fighting, swear, cursing and the list goes on, so much so to a point where I've contemplated committing suicide because I can't take it anymore. If you're in a toxic relationship with your partner PLEASE leave for your childrens sake and well being.

Sometimes staying together can cause more harm to the child.

The only reason why I stay awake till 1.00 am is to watch ur new upload and then go to bed. my last video I watch before going to bed is yours.

It hurts to grow up in a dysfunctional family. I've tried to help them, it didn't work. The more I try the more it damages my own sanity and peace, so I've just left it upto Allah; praying is all I can do at this point.

I think my childhood would have been easier if my parents would just divorce. I hate see them fight day and night and say “we are together because of you”.

"Why remain married if the children are going to watch the worst qualities of their parents. Fighting, swearing, yelling, abusing etc. So make a wise decision. You might want to separate for the sake of the children." - What a wise man Mufti Menk is mashAllah! As a child of divorce myself I agree with him! Better to come from a broken home than to live in one.

You r one of the biggest inspiration especially to youngsters of this generation. U guide us toward our Islam beautifully...❤❤

Ya Allah knows our hearts. Divorced 6months now. Hanging in there for the sake of the children is just too sad for words I hung on for 30 years. Our kids are grown. And we just said no more sadness I'm not even angry anymore just massively relieved. May Allah grant us Sabr. The kids are tougher than we think they understood why we got the divorce. They still love and respect us even more now. I have searched for words to express the whole ending to the marriage ..all I can think of was dignity so I have to say Shukr Allah. Jazakalah Mufti Menk always a word of wisdom. 💕

I lived in the middle of a toxic relationship my whole life to the point I wish my parents got divorced before they had me or my younger brother and sister ..or even they never met in the first place. I believe my parents are good people by they are bad for each other, they ruined us and themselves, they ruined us all ... I'm still suffering from depression till now, and I can't move on with my life even I'm an adult, I wanna marry but I can't, marriage scares me, I keep refusing proposals, I don't even want to have children so they don't suffer because of me. Anyway, Don't stay together while you hate each other, you will just damage your kids, Divorce is better for children.

I am drifting away from islam but the only thing that is sort of keeps reminding me of Islam and doesn’t want me to leave Islam is mufti menk! I really hope I can start being the true follower of Islam again and start feeling the peace while praying and don’t feel like a hypocrite

I struggled for 13 years that's all my married years. I have 3 kids and it was the most difficult decision to make but my older kids understood that it is better for all of us because we couldn't tolerate the toxic relationship anymore. I moved out with my kids and alhumdulillah it was the best decision I've made because I feel so peaceful and happy and so does my kids.

My parents stayed together for me and my siblings sake. And We may be stable financially but we’re broken in every way that you can think of. We’re all single, Most of us will be 30 soon but the pain gets worst as we’re getting older. No matter how much we try to heal ourselves through Islam, Quran or therapy, nothing is working. On the contrary, the knife that pierced our hearts seem to dig in deeper.

Usually parents (typically women) don’t want to divorce their husbands because of financial reasons. Wives are scared because they don’t have jobs, income, or savings that they can rely on. I know mothers who are scared to divorce because they have no one to pay the bills or house especially if they divorce the father. And looking for a job gets hard and challenging, especially when these mothers have no experience in the outside world

Please pray for my children, subhanAllah they have special needs, 2 prince n princess have autism and my youngest princess has severe cerebral palsy and in wheelchair and wants to walk subhanAllah...please pray for us all and the whole ummah, may Allah grant us all jannat ul firdaus

I want my kids to be like Mufti Menk, always smiling, happy, respectful and very knowledgeable and wise, very wise indeed insha'Allah that have these kinds of characteristics.

My parents have stayed together with all of their problems throughout the years. Most of the problems I thought would come from my dad, but now I believe both of them are stuck in the past and neither of them can truly forgive the other. May Allah swt soften their hearts and keep them happy and on the right path.

Yes ,I'm in abusive marriage of 15 years.. I have 2children..14 n 13year....my husband has seen his parents fighting throughout his life....n all his brothers doing the same with their wives....my husband said talaak many times n now he deny n says I never said talaak.....now my in laws are forbidding me from taking khulaa...saying your parents' financial condition is bad....you will be burden on your brother..... because of his physical and mental abuse ...I'm taking depression medicine....I'm suffering from fibromyalgia (caused due to stress)..i experience lower backpain and headache...I take 3antidepressant n painkiller a day .... cannot go for work outside...so I have to rely on my brother.... there's no financial support services in India for divorcee....but I would happy to see my son giving respect to his wife n my daughter giving respect to her husband in the future....it is very difficult situation especially in India.... because society doesn't like divorcee.... whenever I discuss with anyone to end this marriage....people are asking me who will marry your daughter, thinking mother could not continue her marriage,sure daughter would be lacking endurance.... please Allah give me sabr...I'm 36 years old... suffering from chronic illness due to stress... please pray for me

I am a Hindu but I found your words eye opening. Thank you sir!!

[Qualities That ALLAH Loves] 1. TAWBAH (Repentance) “For Allah loves those who turn to Him constantly (in repentance)” [Surah Al Baqarah2:222] 2. TAHARAH (Purification) “Allah loves those who keep themselves pure and clean.” [Surah Al Baqarah 2:222] 3. TAQWA (Piety) “For Allah loves the righteous (the pious).” [Surah Al Tawbah 9:4] 4. IHSAN (Goodness & Perfection) “For Allah loves those who do good” [Surah Ali ‘Imran 3:134] 5. TAWAKKUL (Trust in Allah) “For Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him).” [Surah Ali ‘Imran 3:159] 6. ADL (Justice) “For Allah loves those who judge in equity.” [Surah Al Ma’idah 5:42] “For Allah loves those who are fair (and just).” [Surah Al Hujurat 49:9] 7. SABR (Patience) “And Allah Loves those who are firm and steadfast (As-Sabirin (the patient)).” [Surah Ali ‘Imran 3:146] May Allah grant us these qualities Aameen... 🌹🌹

Honestly sometimes you don’t need to stay in a broken marriage, my parents have been together for a long time but most of the times they were always fighting and unfortunately I have recently realised that it has come to affect me especially in my teen years. Luckily I fount this channel and it’s so relieving to get advice from a scholar who doesn’t shame but rather reminds people they are humans, mistakes are ok and it’s never too late to repent. I’m waking up to everyday trying to be a better Muslim, May Allah guide us all Ameen and I’m praying for anyone out there who is going through a conflict, inshallah you will get through it 🥰

I just want to thank you Mufti for choosing such a sensitive topic. I know many couples around me that live a miserable married lives, but elderly and people of my parent's age are still against divorce for the sake of the children. And what angers me the most is when the couple divorce, they end up blaming the woman for not holding into their relationship and not having enough Sabr, even though she was physically abused.

JazakAllahu kher Mufti, I am one of those women dying slowly in their marriage just because of the children, I think I have to take a step after listening to this😪😪😪

1.Iman is like an aeroplan ride,the higher you go,the smaller the things on earth look. 2.A friend in Deen is a friend in need. 3.Allah has perfect timimng,never early,never late,it takes a little patience and a lot of faith. 4.It is not the knowledge which should come to you,it is you who should come to the knowledge. 5.Thinking positive is the comfort for the heart and security for the religion. 6.Be patient for what was written for you was written by greatest of writers. 7.No matter how busy you are,always remember Allah. 8.It is difficult to be patient,but to waste the rewads of patience is even worse. 9.If duniya is free from problems,Jannat would have lost it's value 10.Mistake doen't teach to make mistake,mistake teaches to correct mistakes. 11.We are servants of Allah,not the nafs. 12.Islam will win,with or without you,but without islam,you will be lost and will lose. 13.Worldy life is very short,so turn to Allah before you return to Allah. 14.Every person goes to Allah after death,but a wise person goes to Allah before death. 15.Take everyday as a chance to become better muslim. 16.Allah loves you even in your darkest hours,He forgives you even in your deepest failure 17.If your sins are countless,Allah's mercy is endless 18.The tougher the lesson,The bigger the blessings. 19.Allah makes the impossible possible. 20.So what if this life isn't perfect?It's not Jannah. 21.If you have time to worry,you have time to make Dua. 22.When someone does something that hurts you,make a promise to yourself and to Allah(SWT) that you will never do the same thing to anyone else. 23.Doctors can treat you but only Allah can heal you. 24.When things are too hard to handle,retreat and count your blessings instead. 25.Allah understands our prayer even when we can't find the words to say them. 26.Angry is sad's bodyguard. 27.Don't promise when you are happy,don't reply when you are angry,don't decide when you are sad. 28.Don't be embrrassed about who you are,Allah made you the way you are. 29.A mistake is something that you did thinking it was right but it was wrong.A sin is something that you know is wrong. 30.Sin snatch the knowledge of human,the knowledge he/she gained is forgotten.

How do I send this to my dad without sending it to him 🤦‍♀️

LOOK Into each others EYE's for 4 minutes. Silent without talking. IF you don't fall back in love. You where never in love in the first place. MAKE IT WORK! You took a contract with someone to love them regardless. Get Counseling to be a better human. Learn your trigger. Don't get Mad at your wife!! Treat her with kindness. May Allah Show you a better way :)

Pls, im begging you guys to pray for my mom, she's sick and need prayer.. May Allah, give her more life to live, ya Allah, im begging you for her life,, please i love her very much..

I live in an environment like this where my parents constantly fight a lot and other days they stay silent at each other for a long time. Almost got a divorce because one of my parents starts to love someone else but they didn't separate because of us. I know marriage will never be perfect and alhamdulillah at least my parents love me... I am grateful for that . But they should resolve it just like what Mufti said is true. Usually a child growing up in this environment will start doubting and be cynical when marriage is brought up. They'll get the wrong idea. Honestly it is worse when parents don't divorce just for the sake of their children. What is the point of a married couple together when they don't have love for each other?

This is my situation my parents dont get along and still together for us but they dont know that we suffer because of the toxic behaviour that we live in thank you for the video your words are always good to hear

my parents are separate and I was always blaming them from that but now I understand a bit.may ALLAH bless you.

You just hit the right cord always! I am so happy and blessed that we have good decent people who actually have wisdom like you among us. I see so many people suffering in marriage and they are given advice to tolerate because of the children. Mostly it's the wife who suffers because she is dependent. Nobody understand s or addresses these issues like you do. I was listening to your words and these are words as if coming from my heart. Almost word for word what I have said and believed but nobody understood, Nobody until now! At least one person is there who understands! We need more ulema like you so that our husband and parents also understand this!.

Im very much related on this topic and I think allah has directed me to watch this video. Alhamdulillah. Now, I should not be hesitant anymore from divorcing from my unloving irresponsible husband. I want to give my innocent daughter the life of positivity😢❤

These lectures are SOOOO HELPFUL!!! I learn soo much every time I listen. Thank you so much, I am so grateful.

I couldn't agree more. I grew up in a broken home and my parents were always fighting. It damaged my siblings and myself and traumatized us even after growing up. We were infacr happier when they separated. It was a better decision even after the damage was already done. Alhamdulillah anyway

My mentor, my celebrity Mufti Menk. Covering each and every single of the problem people are facing Masha'Allah.

Masha ALLAH nice recitation and thank you soooooooo much for a lot of good news dear Mufti. May ALLAH SWT bless you and your family

I've seen people that are miserable unhappy and hate each other for years. Their families are dysfunctional, always fighting, and the kids are depressed and lost. I'm talking about my parents generation that are old school, tough and from a different world (back home of course). But now that I am married myself I wonder what is the point of staying in a marriage just to stay, when you both hate life, each other and are unhappy. I don't see the benefit to the children in that situation.

I love u Mufti Menk for the sake of Allah . I really wanna travel to Zimbabwe just to give u a hug 🤗.

omgg u always answer the questions that r in my mind may Allah bless you.... jazakallahi khairrr❤❤

Masha Allah awesome message from our beloved Mufti Menk BarakAllah feeq

the thumbnails keep on getting better still because they are trimmed every Friday 🤣🤣🤣

Masha Allah. Thanks for keeping us informed. may Allah bless you

Masha Allah this really answerd alot of questions in my head. Thank you brother

jazakhAllah for bringing up topics like these!! it really needs to be heard

Alhamdulillah, This video just came in my list when I actually in need of it.

Thank you, Mufti. I am looking for an answer to my problem, seeing this makes me feel like it's the answer to my prayer. May Allah SWT bless us all.

I can relate! If a relationship harms your mental health and especially your Iman you have to set boundaries. People often let things slide for the sake of peace but exactly this action may be the most harmful decision for everyone.

May Allah bless you and your amazing knowledge. I recently subscribed and listening your preaching make me more close and love my deen Islam more. You merge the practical issues with your Islamic wisdom so beautifully and provide the solution that people really need ... jazak Allah ul khair may Almighty Allah 🙏 bless you always... ameen

Thank you very much, my attitude has changed over so many things when i started listening and watching your videos. Jazakallahu khairan.

I'm going through So.much of depression stress right now. I don't know what to do but listen to you all the time. I wish I can talk to you personally. ❤

Alhumdulillah Mufti... may your wise words reach those that need it. Because we have so many parents that don't understand the damage they are doing to their kids by staying together.

Subhan Allah ,I really needed to hear this, may Allah SWT reward you for your wise words🙏

Salam. Thanks for this post. I have been looking for this answer since many years. May Allah keep you in best health.

This was exactly my predicament a year ago in the end we divorced and now we live very different lives full of peace and happiness Alhamdulillah 3ala kulli 7aal

Relations with single parents and children can also become toxic because the sole parent in whose care the child is in will vent their anger on the children now that they are separated from their spouse. Before the children were safe because the parents were arguing between themselves. Now you may have a situation where resentment is directed at the child. Separation is necessary if the spouses cannot live together anymore but separating for the sake of the children is not ideal either.

Jazakumullah khairan Very powerful advice MashaAllah

Jazak Allah khairan Mufti menk For sharing your thoughts

All this time I always asked myself if I have done the right thing. Haunted by the feeling of guilt for leaving my child since I couldn't bear it no more living in a hell in this world for 5 years. Jazakallah, Mufti. You give me the answers.

Thanks for teaching us May Allah SWT bless us

Beautifully explained, JazakaAllah mufti sahb

MashaAllah Allahumma Barik. I learn alot from you. May Allah reward you for sharing these advice. May Allah bless you Shiekh.

Mashallah. I was personally looking for the answer to this particular question for 10 years now. I’m so glad you answered this question not just for me but for many who are in this particular situation. May Allah forgive us and guide us to take the right path. May Allah bless you Mufti Sahab.

My Allah grant us ease. 🌹

جزاك الله خيرا 🙏⁦♥️⁩

Thank you!! For your precious advice. May Allah grant you the best of both 🌎 worlds.

Please pray for me, my heart is getting sick. I don't want to leave till my good deeds overwhelm my bad ones.

I am a recently reverted to islam. I really apreciatte your videos to learn about different aspects of islam. Like a european woman i have to say that i never found the same freedom and respect than the islam gives me in the false "freedom" of european culture try to show. Thanks for your videos🙂

MashaAllah, thank you very much for sharing this with us, it means a lot

Assalamualaikum mufti menk... jazakallahi khairrr for these heart touching bayans may Allah strengthen and guide and forgive us❤

DUE TO A FEW MISUNDERSTANDING MY WIFE WITH OUR CHILDREN IS STAYING AWAY, I WISH SHE COME BACK & UNDERSTAND THE THINGS & OUR RELATION DOSENT LEAD TO DIVORCE AS I HAVE TRIE EVERY POSSIBLE WAY TO GET THEM BACK... JUST PRAY FOR MY BETTER FUTURE IN MARRIAGE

You are so right my parents stayed together bcs of us 5 children and we grew up seing them unhappy and yelling at each other no love no respect, we grow up mentally sick and hurt espicially me bcs iam the unique girl, I wish my parents got divorce and each of them lived happy in his own way.

Jazakallahi khair.....for ur beautiful advice and guidance may Allah bless you

Thank you for this guidance I was always worried about this and your words are good guidelines for me to follow.

My husband is in to adultery and I don't want my daughter to see him Doing sins I just want to give my daughter a good upbringing We both are in the process of separation May Allah SWT guide us and I know Allah SWT has written beautiful things for me and my daughter I don't want my daughter to go through emotional torture physical torture and mental torture I know my Allah SWT has written something beautiful for me and my daughter

I actually quit Christianity a couple of years ago, and I'm religionless. This guy makes me wanna convert to Islam. Damn.

Very correct. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and knowledge. People need realistic advice like this.

You bang on the spot. May Allah have mercy upon us and grant us good understanding. Shukran.

To help prevent and avoid such situations, live your life for the sake of Allah and try to choose a person with moral character. Differences, and harsh times will arise, seek Allah's help, remember the good times, and read surat al baqarah. This will help soften the hearts of both spouses insha Allah, and what seems big will become small.

Subhanallah! I know a man who is so dominant in his marriage that it’s affecting his kids. It’s all he inherited from his dad May Allah help us all and give us warm hearts Aameen Ya Allah 🤲🏼

amazing advice I am so thankful to have found this video on my page الحمد لله

Mashallah! Thank you for helping me find Islam :)

My parents fight every day. I think its bad for me to want them to break up? Because I am mentally exhausted, my younger brother is ruined

Alhamdulillah, I am fortunate that Allah SWT didn't grant me children in my 1st marriage, as things didn't work out. I now have 3 grown up children from my second marriage and they are definitely a blessing from Allah. Alhamdulillah. Jazakumullahu khairun Respected Sheikh Mufti Menk for your advice... May Allah bless you and your family, Aameen 🤲

Amen you are so good I love how you explain every topic very clearly

You have always been an eye opener. Mashallah Tabarakallah.

May Allah bless me the spouse nd children who will be the coolness of me Ameen

Love from Bangladesh ❤️

Beautifully explained. God bless you

Barakallahu fiikum sheikh Mufti Menk. Good topic. May Allah easy for us such situations.

Well explained! My husband and I never argue in front of the kids. We just talk it out afterwards.

I was a victim to this scenario more than once in my life, and Mufti Menk is 100% correct. Although it may hurt to not have both parents under the same roof, it is 1000% worse to witness the neverending arguing, swearing, abuse, etc. He is absolutely correct on the long term effects of such an environment on the children.

MashaAllah Mufti Menk you are truly blessed! thank you for always discussing topics that we need to hear and others are to scared to speak about. I have been saying this forever and its amazing to hear you repeat my thoughts in such a wonderful way!

Amin Ya Rabbil Alemin. Love and respect from Bosnia❤️

Luv you mufti sahaab again so eloquently put, one parent should never deny the other parent access to the children, unfortunately I am a victim of exactly such circumstances.

6 Ways to Earn Reward Even after Death:🏅 - 📗Give a copy of the Qur'an to someone (each time one reads from it, you gain). - 🦽Donate a wheelchair to a hospital (each time a sick person uses it,👨‍🦽 you gain). - 🕌Participate in building a MASJID. - 🥤Place a water cooler in a public place. - 🌳Plant a tree (You'll gain whenever a person, animal sits in it's shade or eats from it🌱) - ⛲Help build a water well💧

Thank you Mufti Menk for keeping us informed. Jazakallahu khair🌹

My favorite scholar. Ma sha Allah