Should you care what your parents think? 

It depends on the reason. Some people are actually capable of feeling out a person accurately on sight. If my parent could do this, and explained to me what they were seeing in someone I was interested in, I would definitely consider it. But if the reason was based on personal prejudices or racism absolutely not.

It's not that I want to rebel, I just want the option of saying no.

I think this topic is more complicated than it's being presented as. As much as parents, friends, etc., can object to a romantic partner for petty reasons, they're also (assuming you have a good relationship with them) trusted outsiders to the relationship who are more likely to spot potential red flags before you from within the relationship.

People disapprove of romantic partners because they can usually see something you cannot, because of your proximity to the partner. So instead of throwing a tantrum, like an infant, it is worth a little introspection into the relationship and discern if you can see what they are seeing.

My mother fought against my marriage, but she had her own motives based in racism and personal pride, so I disregarded her opinions on my relationship. My dad on the other hand said as long as I was happy and treated right, he didn't mind my husband.

I took almost all my Mom's advice. Never my Dad's. Mom was wise. Dad was opinionated. I always respect my dogs' opinions. My Mom and my dog loved my husband on sight. My Dad disapproved. We have been married 38 years now and all our dogs have approved. 😀

It depends If your parents never treated you well, you probably wont want to be acepted by them If they always cared for you and never make you feel like you didnt deserve it, then you would shurely hurt when they say "im dissapointed"

In a healthy, functional family the parents don't try to tell their kids who they can or can't love. They teach their kids healthy relationship skills and then accept their choices, are supportive, and try hard to build and maintain the type of mutually respectful relationship with their kids where the kids feel comfortable talking to the parents as consultants if/when the kids have concerns and issues they aren’t sure how to navigate on their own as well as be willing to listen if the parents think they might see red flags and point them out.

Imagine being told not to date, as if you would be able to 💀💀💀

I always ask why when told not to do things. You have to explain why so I would understand your POV and reasoning

The two studies aren’t in conflict. The social network theory tells us that approval from family/friends is more likely to make a relationship last, but for the few relationships that last from disapproval, survivorship bias kicks in. Of course the relationships that have survived the wear and tear of social network disapproval will be a stronger bond than an average relationship

Has anyone experienced the opposite? Losing attraction for someone/something after receiving approval from those around you?

I think it’s possible for loved ones to raise suspicions about a significant other without outright telling you not to pursue them. A conversation rather than a command would probably be better received in any circumstance.

Through trial and error I have learnt a looong time ago that when your friends and family say that you should stop seeing someone, you should most probably follow their advice. Or at least take it very seriously. It would've saved me a lot of headache and heartbreak if had done so 🤣

This animation is so lively and cute! I had to rewind four or five times. I kept looking at the details and movement😂 also that deer goat thing is adorable

Five years ago, I met a nerd boy while I'm at an art gallery (his name was Thomas). It was my first time being at a gallery, but I didn't knew anything about art. Luckily, he was there and he taught me everything about art: history, famous artists, well-known paintings and sculptures,... I was grateful for his help. Later in high school, during my freshman year, I found out that he was in the same school as me. We met at the school library, and we recognised each other quickly. We both sat down and have a chat together while reading art history books. We would do that every school days, soon became friends and study partners. After a few months getting to know each other, I had a full glimpse of his identity: he was a talented artist, a huge anime fan, a studious guy who could pass every tests with high marks, a great presenter, a hidden singer,... I also found out about our similarities: our favourite food (spaghetti), our habit (don't like sleeping at noon), our art and singing talent, our love for English,etc. Turns out we have more in common than we thought. I quickly had feelings for him. That's when I realized I had a crush on him. I wanted to confess to him right away. So one day I decided to ask him out at the same art gallery where I met him. Then we secretly became a couple, and still followed the same study routine. One day, he took me on a date at his fav restaurant. All of a sudden, he surprised me with the news: he became the president of the art club and both of us became members of the artsy clique. Ofc, I congradulated him for the good news. I asked him what he would do if he was the president. He asked me if I wanted to be the secretary. I immediately said yes. To wrap up the conversation, he shared his dream of flying to France to study art. I said travelling to France was my dream as well. Before we went home, I gave him a small gift - a snow globe with a mini Eiffel tower inside. During our sophomore year, we would go on many date nights, visit each other's homes, go on picnics or camping trips... while still focused on studying. I thought our relationship would last for a long time, but then things would take a turn for the worst on one fine day in my junior year, when my parents found out about it. My parents and I argued over it for days. At the same time, my friendship with Tom started to crumble and eventually it broke apart. We became enemies and would fight every time we come in contact with each other. My teacher noticed it and call my parents to inform the situation. My parents tried changing classes then moving schools, but that didn't work. In the end, we have no choice but move from the UK to the US (California) and study university there. I missed him dearly, even when we were rivals, but all I could do was hold back my emotions and regret. Still, I couldn't keep in touch w/ him nor write emails to him until now. In fact, we haven't spoken since we graduated high school. If only I can meet him again and apologize to him 😢😭

The Romeo & Juliet effect isn’t about the disapproval of one’s parents, more about generally not being able to be together for whatever perceived strong reason. I experienced it this year even well aware of the phenomenon, but it had nothing to do with our parents - actually everyone was giving their full blessing!

In high school I watched this play out, at first the couple stiffened their resolve. As time passed one partner got more emotional and started talking about running away and other extreme actions, the other partner became frightened and “accidentally” left a letter in the open for a parent to find. Opposition to the relationship wasn’t the main problem, it was instability, Romeo and Juliet may have provided a template for one of the people

I think I'm the independent reactance type. Thanks, Ted Ed, for teaching me something I didn't know existed, yet explains so much of how my mind works.

A food for thought. Another reason, I think, why the "love" increases in presence of dissapproval is that the couple now shares more common struggle. Having some sort of the same "villain" makes them understand more one another as they discuss their feelings toward their antagonist.

Pretty much you could only decide whom to date and what not, if you have an income and a job, have your own place and don't depend on your parents anymore. But if you are dependent and still with your parents, pretty much, they can be a factor to your life.

I've always been interested in the subject of how much our parents' perspectives should go into our decisions and how much of an impact they should have on our lives. It's important for us to trust ourselves and make decisions that are best for us, and the speaker makes a great point about how our parents might not always comprehend our diverse experiences and viewpoints. After all, parents usually compare our lives to those they led when they were younger, but because times are always changing, our experiences cannot be compared. Although we should always be honest and open with our parents, we should never allow them make decisions for ourselves.

Feeling a relationship is approved by my parents is one of the greatest gifts I could receive. My ex was just a dream boyfriend and they completely diapproved him. Even before I came out, I had a girlfriend with whom I had a great connection. Needless to say, they didn't approve her very much either.

I got lucky. When I told my mom I was bringing my girlfriend home for Christmas I mentioned she is from Thailand. My mom said "that's nice, dear". They became very close friends.

Btw for everyone’s information, “reactance” is also knows as the “boomerang effect”

I probably wouldn't trust my family but I'd trust my friends. They know me so they might see the red flags/opposite of red flags if I'm not able to.

If I didn't think my parents would like someone, then I wouldn't be dating her in the first place; I love my parents, and I trust and respect their judgment, even if I don't always come to the same conclusions.

I absolutely love love loveee this art style. All my support to the person/people who did it.

Good job. Didn't go where I thought in a good way and acknowledged people are complicated

Depending on how ready they are to give up existing comforts and change the status quo of important existing relationships, I would assume that for young people, at least, the negative impact on quality of life that comes with acting against their provider will play a significant role in whether or not they decide to gamble on continuing the disagreeable relationship. Speaking as someone who has experienced every role in this scenario at least once, I would say that although a sense of independence and critical thought are vitally important to personal growth, it's also critical to pay attention to the counsel of others when offered from a place of love and to draw lessons from the experiences of others in order to avoid making the same mistakes they did.

Love the animation!

to answer your question let me tell you this story; I was a young naive and thoughtless kido in the few months after my 12 years old birthday buying eadibles with my mother at the supermarket; I saw a girl who I knew and I really liked so I aproach and started talking about some stuff who knows what it was about. after 15 minutes I had to go so I went with my mother to the car and she asked me from nothing: "So... when will my grandchild be born?"

Great video like always!

You could do as you’re told, only after considering if that’s actually convenient to you, even though if you wanna do otherwise I really enjoy these TedEd videos, thank you thank you!

In high school, we weren’t allowed to swear in the band room. Despite rarely swearing beforehand, for four years I swore every chance I got. I never got in trouble because it was under my breath or justified on the rarer occasion, but I always thought about how weird it was.

All Dexter had to do was never to refuse Deedee from pressing the big red button

Most people are devoid of love, both people who "fall in love" and people who tell you not to love someone.

i think it also depends on how parent and children communicate. if parent can explicitly communicate their idea about how they see the person who their child is interested in. children may consider it

i didn't really care about earlobe piercings since i thought it wouldn't suit me or it really isn't really necessary to get one. but there was this one time where i was having a conversation with my mom about my sister's earlobe piercings then my mom told me she won't allow me to have piercings like my sister's. after that, i feel tempted to get one. so after multiple convincing and begging, i finally got my mother to give in and she allowed me to get piercings on both ears :D

Fun fact about myself: when I was a kid (about 13 years old) my parents encouraged me to go to parties and socialise. Now I am 18 and almost completely incapable of talking to a girl.

The artwork is just amazing 😍✨

It depends. I wouldn’t do something right away just because someone says “don’t do this or that.” I’d probably say, “Why no? What’s the problem?”

Romeo and Juliet was not a love story, it was a tragedy about a three-day illicit infatuation between a 13-year-old and a 15-year-old that ended in the death of six people. Hearing people talk about Romeo and Juliet romantically freaks out something in me that avoids people who like the Joker and Harley relationship.

I love this animation!

I love the intro animations! 🤣🤣 Says it all.

Cool animation 😍

I love the art style

I would be worried about that question if I knew who my parents were

When I was young, unfortunately I did not listen to my parents. In hindsight if they could articulate their reasoning better, I might have left him. Also in hindsight, I should have left him.

Wow ..reading through the comments..I never knew relationship could be such a problem and big deal ..wow ,alot of young folks are fascinated ..boy o boy

Neat illustrations!

Not related to the subject of the video, But I really love the art style!!!

I find that just telling someone not to do something encourages them to do it, but if I explain why I want them to stop doing something, they're more likely to listen. For example, I'm very sensitive to noise. If people are being loud around me, I tend to have a hard time. When I've asked people to quiet down without explaining why, they just get louder. However, when I explained to them that the reason I was asking was because the loud noises were causing me pain/discomfort, they apologized and quieted down. I once read a post about a parent who would explain to their child why they weren't doing something, but had a deal where if the child was in danger, there was a word they could say for the child to trust their judgement and go with them with the knowledge that the parent would explain afterward.

I needed this 😊😊😊

Thank god my Mom accepts all and any kind of relationship (except abusive).

The lesson is: try to self-reflect and understand the reasoning behind your actions. If you act in defiance to a parent/power, then you are still being controlled by your "oppressor", just in covert way. To truly be free, understand what you want and take action based off of that. Even if you do end up getting a body full of tattoos/marrying the person your family doesn't like, the reasoning wasn't out of defiance, but because that choice fulfilled a desire you had.

Imagine saving your parents as “Biological Ancestor” 💀💔

Depending on how well your relationship is with your parents, as natural role models to their children, children tend to imitate their parents behaviour and to take their words as facts. Because of this, if a parent was to disapprove of someone, it could turn you off them because you're brought up to believe your parents.

I love how the animation is different on every video

Well that explains why my neighbors decided to continue to make noise after telling them politely not too. Reactance response.....interesting.

SHOUT OUT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF COLORADO AT BOULDER, FOR DOING THAT STUDY, Y'ALL ROCK! GO BUFFALOS!

I love how the reactive character and their mom made up after the first scene.

Hey TED ED i love how much knowledge you give us but you guys haven't done video about the most famous story of all time the phantom of the opera and i would really really really would like to see an animated video history about phantom of the opera please do that video

*I never stepped on the thorn when I was warned*

"When we listen, we hear someone into existence. - laurie buchanan, phD

Amazing animation 👌

I had to. I was made to choose. With no real means of looking after myself I had to leave that relationship behind.

I wanted to be a goal keeper, my friends encourage me, but my parents disapprove. I'm now dropping keeping, I'm back to midfielding

Why wasn't the most obvious pointed out? Maybe our social networks are just good at predicting good matches and disapproval isn't arbitrary but rooted in reason

Would I stop dating someone my parents didn't like?! I ONLY date ppl who my parents don't like. Lol ! 😆

she doesn't exactly appreciate me dating dudes instead of girls, so no I would not, It can't be helped 🤣

Knowing my parents, I would stop, yes.

Thank you

It depends on how much I care for the person.

Good!

Ask Indians🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣... Indian parents literally legitimate decide every damn thing of their kids life till time..

I feel like I am a little bit of both. I think the reality can be more complex than just being assorted into two types of rebellion. But maybe I don't know enough yet to understand the difference, or where I truly lie

Short answer yes. My mom is really laid back and has same values as me for the most part, if she had a big enough issue with someone to tell me, hey I don't think it's a good idea, something is either up with the guy or her.

Honestly I feel myself as a person of defiant reaction

It depends on the reason.

Sometimes the perceptions of a parent about other people aren't accurate either, as in when a parent is narcissistic or has BPD or just generally makes a lot of false assumptions about other people. Then, you kind of have to rely on the perceptions of other family members, friends or *le gasp* your own intuition.

It seems like there would be far too many variables for studies like this on relationships to be accurate.

NICE VIDEO

Fantastic

Thankyou

2:13, 3:18 Social Network Effect Vs. Reactance Theory!

"Biological ancestor" had me dead XD

I hope world leaders do not think this way about big red buttons...

I did and it felt bad at first but then I moved on

I won't press the button 🤷🏽‍♂ to avoid "I told you so "

I feel like the video didn't explain why social nw wins over reluctance in choosing a partner and explained the difference between defiant and independence reluctance both of which seem to strengthen romantic relationships.

Ask an Asian about whet they would do if their parents would say that

I had to watch twice to understand this video completely..

In my current state of mind I would date whomever I want.

It would depend on my parents’ reason 🤷‍♀️

The animators deserve an oscar for the facial expression of the button. Awesome...

My parents are very reasonable people so if they give me a valid reason to leave someone , I will.

I once dated an agnostic girl but we had to break up because her muslim family did not approve of me only because I am not muslim and threatened to shun her if our relationship continued.

Super Mum vs Biological Ancestor! 😆 Well done Ted Ed 👏

depends. my parents don't really 'hate' anyone or anything. but there are some they refuse to even be acquaintance with. it'll get me thinking tho. there must be something wrong with them if they show their disapproval outright. it'll be on me to decide. and i don't think I'll want someone that's gonna be uncomfortable every family gathering when there's gonna be just 5-6 of us. so yeah..