Tv broadcast: It has come to our attention that reports of multiple shrek sightings have been spreading across the media like a forest fire. We strongly suggest that you stay in your house at all times until we have a complete and understandable statistic about the threat. Lock all your doors and windows, and make sure that there are no current openings to your house. It wont do any good to hide in a closet or a cabinet, for the threat is very crafty and formidable. If you hear references to a very familiar movie called shrek, then you are in serious danger. But do not panic, be sure to dial 911 if you hear these references. There are multiple types of references to the movie called shrek. Type 1: Ogres are like onions. Type 2: Oh hello there! Type 3: Im making waffles. If you hear any of these references in or outside of your house, then that indicates that the entity is near, and means serious harm to you or your loved ones. The entity will repeatedly play a familiar tune called smashmouth in order to drive the victim to insanity. If you hear this song, you must resist losing your sanity as the entity will use your own psychological warfare against you to keep you distracted from your survival goals. As this broadcast is still playing, we must strongly inform you that onions are the entity's favorite snack. Be sure in all ways to be respectful to onions, for any mistreatment to the object will supposedly anger the entity whether in a few miles radius or close to the location that you most likely inhabit. If you hear anything breaking inside of your house, then do not go to the source. He has broken inside. He has broken inside. He has broken inside. (GlItChInG) To be sure of your safety until the police or fbi arrive, you must keep running or the entity is sure to catch you. Everytime the entity makes a reference to the shrek movies, he get faster and faster. Your best chance of survival would be to run faster as to get away from the entiy in order to buy yourself some time. We hope that this emergency broadcast helps in any way. If you see this entity outside of your house or some other place, run for your god given life. Nothing is worth the risk.
