okay here are some things people should have picked up on • i was very shy, quiet and anxious, i didnt like to contribute in lessons, i was always said to be quiet by my teachers but i worked hard so it was never pulled up as a problem. I was so anxious in secondary school, i didnt fit in so i masked heavily and copied people i wanted to be like, i tried to copy a popular girl's smile, i would practice it constantly. I would be friends with lots of people but I never ever felt like i really fitted in and I vocalised this to my parents but they just said 'youre just more mature than other people ' i was so anxious going to shops because paying terrified me, interacting with the cashier was so so so scary for me but my parents, especially my mum forced me to do it • i used to play the same game in primary school every lunch time • many of the role play activities i did with my family were the exact same format of me being a news reporter and I believe now, looking back, that i copied that off TV •i had sensory issues (noticeably with sound), especially in year 11 (age 15) but i thought it was just anxiety at first but i was actually having bad sensory overload in lessons causing me to cry, have panic attacks, meltdowns, shutdowns etc. my mum eventually realised with me it was sensory issues but nothing was done •as a toddler i didn't like my food touching •i used to read the same book over and over again (Hetty feather) i had an intense special interest in Jacqueline wilson and reading i had a very high reading age • i had an intense special interest in sqaishey quack that a lot of my friends thought was too much , it got forced out of me because we went on holiday somewhere with no WiFi for 2 weeks and it ruined everything because there were too many videos to catch up on (but luckily i watch them now so! yay ) • i span A LOT • i would clap and click my fingers lots to deal with anxiety when i was a young teenager •i got obsessed with my watch and what time it was and panicked that i was late for lessons constantly in year 7 and it was so detrimental for my mh i had to never wear a watch again theres definitely more aswell
Wow there's so much I relate to in your description of your autistic tell tale signs I'm still being ignored and told I'm not autistic or adhd as it's seemingly illegal to be neurodivergent in the Netherlands these days arggh 😮
Your story makes me equal parts happy and sad: - happy for my younger one, that she’s home educated and doesn’t have to go through the awfulness of being autistic at school - sad for my now 20-year-old who is still suffering from the trauma of being constantly bullied at school because of being autistic, and I didn’t have the power to stop it.
I am 18 and was diagnosed as autistic last year. I relate so much to the mask being put on at the start of secondary school. I didn't notice it at the time, but looking back I can really see that that's when I started to mask. In primary school, I had one close friend, and if she wasn't there, I would play by myself. I also remember one time in primary school when my friend and I had an argument, and other pupils tried to make me say sorry, but I refused as I didn't think I had done anything wrong. I found secondary school really hard but I don't think I really understood how hard it was for me until I am now looking back on it.
Thank u so much for this video! I can relate to most of the things you have said you experienced and it's just beyond crazy for me to think, that my family, my teachers, other adults I met (through theater-club) didn't thought one second that me being "weird" and "socially-of" and "a freak" could be something else than just a weird kid, who didn't got along with other kids.
I'm 60 & just connected the dots. But I was reading (according to Mom) before kindergarten, 'tantrums' (actually meltdowns), socially awkward, special interests (to the max). TBH I am reevaluating my entire history.
I had alot of these signs growing up but the main sign was being super quiet and well behaved at school and then having meltdowns at home almost everyday. I have sensory processing disorder and get extremely overwhelmed very easily and as a child i was just constantly overwhelmed. I was and still am a very anxious person and this manifested in me missing days of school, missing school trips and getting migraines exactly like you said.
all of these signs are so similar to what I experienced growing up and I didn't get diagnosed until I was 16. I think it would have helped so many of us growing up if we'd just had that diagnosis and had the resources to find out how we could make school work for us
I can relate to so much of what you said! From my own experience of course, so not exactly the same, but the masking and struggles with social cues and food and lining toys etc etc. Got dx recently and it just explains all. Love ur video sm ty !!
The school routine bit! I literally journaled about this two years before I was even made aware of what autism is actually-and I brought it up three years later in my autism evaluation! When I graduated from college, it took me ~5 years to realize that my chosen work schedule was leftovers from my college schedule! I could comment a ton more on this, but I definitely agree that this is not talked about enough! (Sorry for all the exclamation marks-I'm very enthusiastic about this 😅)
I suspect I am autistic and a sibling of mine has been unofficially diagnosed with autism. I am currently 19 and live in the US. For much of my middle thru high school I had an aversion when it came to any social events. I didn’t like them because I felt like an alien. I didn’t know how to interact with people and I just felt incompetent. I used to constantly suck in my stomach due to self esteem issues regarding my weight. On top of this I would come home absolutely exhausted from forcing a smile all day. I could not relax when I was in any sort of social setting and I still struggle with this to an extent. Looking back now, I realize I was masking heavily every day. I was depressed and had horrible self esteem and overall health. The day I looked into autism, I had this realization that my social struggles were not going to get better as I hoped they would my whole life. I cried that night, partially because there was finally an explanation but also from sadness and despair. I really wish that my parents would have tried to get me help instead of altogether dismissing the idea I might be experiencing the world differently from everyone else. What I’ve written here isn’t all the signs by a long shot. But as said in the video, that list could go on forever…
My autism was also blatantly obvious and my mom actually noticed and told my pediatrician about it, but he insisted my mom was overreacting and she believed him, so I never got tested. Everyone in the family joked about how I clearly had OCD as a toddler, but I didn’t get a diagnosis for that until I was 14, and even then, no one ever really fully explained it to me or properly helped me deal with it. It wasn’t until I was in my 20s, after trying to treat my depression and anxiety for years but having no luck with therapy or medication, that I realized how odd my lack of understanding of my OCD diagnosis was and decided to start opening up more about it. When I started explaining my lifelong OCD in depth, a therapist finally asked me if I was ever tested for autism. She also mentioned I seem to have traits of ADHD. At the same time, I was diagnosed with epilepsy by a neurologist. Finally everything started to click together. It wasn’t that I was just an anxious person, I had a neurological disorder. It was a long process but I was eventually diagnosed with ASD at 28 y/o. The whole experience felt really bizarre and it’s comforting to listen to other late diagnosed autistics tell their similar stories. So thank you for sharing!
my autism should've absolutely been picked up on. although, I don't trust my elementary school teachers to know shit about autism, considering they didn't flag me for ADHD when they knew I had it, and didn't speak to my parents about my obvious OCD.
your experience sounds very traumatic, I'm so sorry to hear that :( it's such a shame, that everybody comments on your 'weird' traits but never even bothers to think just for one second if there might be a different cause... I identify so much with what you're saying and went to get a diagnosis but it apparently isn't autism in my case. I just want an explanation as to why I am struggling so much :( also: a bit random but you look freaking iconic in that cardigan! did you get it 2nd hand or is there somewhere to buy this piece 😅
Hi Ella! I thought I could drop this comment and share some awareness about teachers and autistic students (as an autistic teacher). Teachers are not 'trained' to detect NDs or mental illnesses, we may know a few things but at the end of the day there are specialists in schools whose job is to detect symptoms of autism. Also, most of the time us teachers have our hands tied, when we detect autism (for example) in a student we are many times told by the staff to not say anything bc the parents may react poorly and the parents tell us we can't know because we aren't trained psychologists. Us teachers always advocate for our students, but there's so much we can do when we have 15+ kids in a class. I absolutely understand how you feel cause I had the same experience as you at school, but I thought maybe it would be good for me to clarify the issue of teachers so you can raise some awareness in the future as you have such a big platform! thank you and I hope this doesn't sound like an attack (it absolutely isn't!!) Love your content!❣
That was very helpful thank-you, though figuring out your tism yourself (or by parents/friends) is the only realistic way. Most adults don’t know the DSM, autism presents very differently across people, gender etc, and teachers may have thought it but none would dare comment, it’s not their area of competence. It’s just so easy to go under the radar
Every time I hear about the UK and Europe in general as an American it blows my mind how the state takes interest in your upbringing at ALL. Unless you've about to die and then the CPS-cops show up, US gives zero fuks. I saw the Dr.... 3 times between year 1 and 18? No one comes to your house, that's for sure. Every time I would be at a family party, similar to what you did but just with family (hooray rural farm life...) my face would hurt from the perma-smile that would be plastered on me. I hate that now, I avoid my family at all costs b/c it just hurts my face so much and my brain is lightly on fire the entire time and I don't really enjoy any level of socializing in a group environment like that. Plus everyone in my family is really histrionic and trying to get group attention constantly so it's just pure chaos and no one takes any interest in what you actually say so it's like getting stuck into competitive small talk for like 4 hours. holy shit I'm so glad I moved away w/ my wife but man I absolutely DREAD going back for any holiday...
