My dad was alcoholic, my mom codependent. I was molested by a family member before the age of 5. I have suspicion it may have been my older brother since my parents always treated him badly after that. Then at age 13, I was molested by a member of the community who shall remain anonymous. When I told my parents they didn't believe me. My mom showed affection to me off and on, but looking back I think she was just depressed from my dad's verbal abuse and drinking. Everything centered around that. I feel like I raised myself. Then at age 21, I found out in a letter from my birthmother that I had been adopted by my great aunt and uncle. Everyone in the family knew except me. I had just graduated college and was trying to find my way in the world. This news devastated me and I became vulnerable to having a sexual encounter with a married man ( I was a virgin). This really messed with my mind. About the same time I met a man who was 8 years older than me who had been married before with 2 kids. He swept me off my feet and we were married 9 months later. I became pregnant 2 weeks after that. When my first child was a year old, my husband raped me and I became pregnant again. Marital rape was not observed in the 80s. I carried the pregnancy and had the baby. Then went on to have one more child 3 years later. My husband was an abusive narcissist and more which I won't elaborate on. I divorced him after 10 miserable years in which he cheated on me and gambled his earnings away. We lived on my income. So now I am almost 60 and have been single for 26 years. I don't date because I don't trust men. I have been to therapy and my therapist was amazed I had survived as much as I have. However I know I'm not thriving. I still don't feel worthy of having too much good in my life. I suffer from a host of physical ailments including autoimmune disorders as well as a history of anxiety, depression and BPD. My adult children are all struggling in their lives, no surprise. I find joy wherever I can especially in my grandchildren and my church. Well, that is my story. I felt compelled to share it for some reason. Thanks for listening.
I am going trough this, realising that my mother is narcisstic abuser, manipulator. I was idealising her my whole life. And thinking that all this abuse is not happening. Now i see that she is monster, and tht she never loved me. And i see abuse from all other people in my life. I had strong pull to solitude, did not know why, now i see it. Almost all my relationships with people were disfunctional and abusive in some way. It is really hard when you are in a place that you are alone, in pain and completely lost. Dont know what is real anymore. But i just want to heal, and be happy, and i will do anything. Because i deserve it, after all i have been trough. And wish it for everyone else on this channel. You deserve to be happy and have everything you want. Healing is painful, but we can do it.
I am slowly learning how to sit with myself and feel all the feelings. I was taught from a young age that whatever I thought, felt or wanted was wrong and it made me abandon myself. I don’t ever want to do that again. It’s a long and painful process. And also a great adventure. Thank you for your wonderful wisdom and insights Lisa!
I have cut ties with my whole toxic family...and a lot of 'friends' I am in a sad lonely place and I depend on strangers for support.. Listening to your video today I realized.... actually NOTHING has changed....all these people were in my life only because I made myself believe they were.... actually NOTHING has changed but me acknowledging the truth....and finally letting go of the denial.... EVERYTHING is exactly the same these people were not really in my life....I just changed my relationship with them in my mind.
Hi Paula same here. I have very limited contact with my family. Also I have let go of three friends in the last three weeks and it is incredibly lonely. I’m not sure what the next step is it’s super hard and I’m so glad I have my dog. But like you, sometimes a nice conversation with a stranger is all The interaction I have right now. This is the hardest thing I have ever done.
Hi aurora, for me it’s very hard. I know nobody is perfect and the people I let go were for minor infractions , but things which were disrespectful . I don’t know if I made a mistake or not.
@@Contessa998 My 2cents...being disrespectful is not a minor infraction....it's pretty much the basis of ALL relationships...if there is no respect there is nothing. I know it's all still very sad 😢
I forget who's quote it is that says " when the student is ready the teacher will appear " ....this is the third time that you have put out a new video that is just what I needed.
Omg, you described my upbringing precisely. I’m 59 years old and only last year have I had my real awakening. I’m finally able to integrate all the therapy I’ve had all my life. I finally have a deep stillness within myself. Now I need to figure out who I am. It’s hard because I feel the urgency of my age. But it takes time. I am emerging. You also may realize your friendships are dysfunctional and those are difficult to reconcile. You have to be willing and able to let people go and to make things right with others. But for the first time I am deeply at peace inside myself. But there is sadness too. And that’s ok. There will be joy on the other side and I finally know for certain that I will get there.
"We try to integrate the past with the now"....and upon doing so we change the past so we can live in the now. Thank you so much Lisa you are amazing ❤
I can’t wait. This looks like a great topic for me. I have been letting go of someone for over a year and I am almost there. Letting go hurts but it’s best for my spiritual growth.
I have been out of the 17 year abusive marriage for 3 years. 3 kids, high conflict divorce finally over 10 months ago. I look back and I see all the things my human self has gone through. I agree with your video Lisa. I am finally to a point where I can hear my very own voice in my head. I no longer hear the abusers voice, my dad's voice, my neighbor's voice...I hear me, and my higher self. The last 10 months have been brutal, but I do think it is this spiritual wakening you are talking about. I feel like it's more of a mourning, however. It's like I had to feel all of the pain and sadness of 20 years accumulated, and my own voice in my head was able to comfort me and sort all of the past information. I have been craving to be alone and with my own love, because I truly do not judge me, and I give me the space I need. It's as if I have been processing my past, boxing and labeling everything and taking the lessons I have learned. I feel like I have mourned so much and am finally at peace with myself. You are right Lisa, it is very painful, but worth it. I finally have me❤
Thank you for writing your story. I come from a narcissist family and thought I had escaped hell at 20 yrs old marrying a genial quiet loving man. I spent the next 44 years wondering what was wrong with me and went thru self help books, college courses, therapy, and finally AA to discover my problem. I had married a covert narcissist. I could use a bit of the lords help at this point.
@@bls837 I will pray for you. I understand. Are you going to remain with him ? If you don't know, I've been there too. I took a while to detach while I was still there. When I knew in my heart that I had to get out, I actually mourned the loss of what I thought was the love of my life, but he was not... I did a big part of that mourning while I was still with him. This made it a little easier when I escaped.
I took your 12 week program which helped and enlightened me and gave me new tools but this toxic family member came back into my life with flying monkeys and now I'm back to square one going no contact again. This is me now. I'm retreating, I have cocooned myself, trying to find my way back. Resistance is there. People still don't see the abuse she creates and I am continually invalidated. It is time to put the tablet down and feel my feelings and experiences. Process and validate these feelings. I deserve peace and alignment. I am worthy, I am enough, I matter. Thank you Lisa for doing this video and being the light in the dark. I am truly blessed to have resonated with your work. Namaste 🦋
Hi Amanda, remember you have the 12 Week Breakthrough Program for a minimum of 3 years so you can get back on the horse and start raising your consciousness at any moment xoxoxo
Oh my god this makes so much frickin sense!! I've been so down and I've been working so hard on the crap I went through and I couldn't figure out why I felt so bad.
OMG this is exactly what happened to me last year. I had an entire year of heavy duty EMDR therapy with regards to my Narc mother. I kept getting more and more depressed... I finally had to go on antidepressants because I was losing myself down the rabbit hole. Now I’m ok and not visiting mother in the home and not feeling guilty about it.
When I was living in my cocoon of ignorance I was so happy go lucky, surrounded by so many friends and lived a life of good times. It was all so easy and effortless. Then 16 years ago when I woke up everything hit the fan at once and it's been a continuous road of loss and soul tearing challenges with deep lows. I have definitely grown through the suffering but my god I am getting tired of it.
❤️❤️i am grifving now ..for my mother and father and six sister and brother of mine .i an ampath and my all family toxic and abused me. I am happy and sad at the some time.i am happy to hear you out to tell me everything thats going on sould be. ..so if i am sad i let go i understand this is how it spouse to be...hope to have an integration at the end.i keep on folowing you ..thanks alot again lisa😭🙏i accapt how i feel
I always knew it...but in second hand didnt want to belive pepole who are close to me can be so croll to me..i dont blame anybody just want to continue and keep them away from my life .start over and attract a good vibes for cangne...i realy start loving myself.
Waw. I've just felt validated for the first time. I've just got it that also my mum also didn't do it right. Since I've never felt safe. Neither seen for who I really was. I've grown up in a cult. Now I'm 39 finally trying to "see" it. I thought my childhood was ok when it was a nightmare psychologically. That s how I ve attracted a narc...thinking God put it on my path to make me better because I m so worthless. Bullshit(sorry). Now I get it. If anyone has some reading to advice me about growing up in a cult I'll take it. Thank you Lisa, it s a big gift this video. 🙂
I've been going through it since 2010. In this time I've hardly mixed with people socially spending long periods (years) in isolation. I have no desire and extremely depleted energy. My mind has gone through a transformation but without energy, other than writing, there is no creative or behavioural expression. The lack of energy means that I spend most of my time in bed, reading, sleeping. I force myself to jog, but I have to battle against my apathy and low energy to do that. All the fear and anxiety that was taken from me in one night was actually the fuel that enabled me to live my life. I feel like I experienced a miracle and the price I had to pay was my old life and my old mind. I don't have a plan B 'yet'.
I learn SO much about my journey of healing from you Lisa and I GREATLY appreciate that you are so tuned in and committed to this work!!! Blessings to you ALWAYS!!
My awakening has been over the last year. It has hurt like hell. This is when I began to feel. I realized I came from a toxic environment as a child, in my marriage, and one relationship after my divorce. Same people different faces. I was neurotic, anxious, severley depressed ect, all while trying to raise three children. I am hurting bad. I thought I was bad as my mother and grandmother, but the difference is I have admitted my wrong doings and trying to correct my wrongs with my children. I ask and pray for their forgiveness
Hi Lisa, You are right when you say no one really knows what you are going through. But luckily you do. You know. So thankyou for that. You have helped me so much in my struggle with codependency.
Lisa all I can say is thank the Universe for you and your channel and others here on you tube that have helped me through this Narcissist abuse and discard which has facilitated yes a healing and a glimpse at a better life although this process is so painful.
Lydia, the only warning I dare give is to be very careful to whom you share this information. As you start the extrication of narc and open yourself to the truth, many things will come to light. As Lisa says, you become aware of how unaware you were. Take time for yourself and process all feelings. Many hugs
I felt this way both when I became aware of the social/emotional dynamics of my family and my marriage AND as a young adult in the Peace Corps when I first experienced culture shock. In both cases, there was just a staggering amount to take in and process. Additionally, water fasting also helped me to get rid of outside influences and be deeply able to deeply process things. And be more sensitive to nuances inside of me trying to come to the surface.
Thank you for this very informative talk. Integration makes so much sense to me. This work is not easy. I'm amazed that any of us consciously choose to take this journey into the truth. Thank goodness we have each other and you Lisa.
Thank you for this !!!❤🙏 I have done sooo much work on myself and Figuring out what I'm dealing with in my family the hard realisation that my mother is a covert narcissist and so is my sister waz a shock But I was finally so happy that I was aware of what I was dealing with.. I was lucky that I was able to take my sister to counselling and she agreed it was in those very few sessions when she decided it was no longer good for us because the therapist was According to her on my side. The therapist have a private session with me and let me know it was not me and that I was dealing with A narcissist And my sister would not change and that I must learn to Educate myself as much as I can That's when I found you And the whole RU-vid community on narcissism has been amazing. This is the 1st video that has addressed what I have been feeling a deep sadness yet an awakening Thank you so much Lisa for your videos I look forward to every post And thank you for helping so many people you are a blessing on this Earth🙏❤
When you are the only one in the family experiencing awakening it's really difficult. No one understands you. It's only My children Now who understand and give me support. I am Grateful to have reached this time and have this knowledge. Thank You so much 🙏🙏🙏💞💕💕
Needed this🙌🏻 The hardest thing was opening my eyes to my moms full participation in my abuse. And her own methods of abuse hidden behind love bombing with random gifts and victim mentality. Accepting and now having stern boundaries is a must
I found myself putting people out of my experience. I realized i did have a lot of friends who pushed me around and i really found myself wanting to just be with those who absolutely understood me and it was like 3 people. I totally stopped people pleasing and started placing boundaries in my work, in what my friends could view in my social media, in the time i spend with others. There are definitely some things that are truly in progress still. But awakening at the end of the day is great and thank you ❤️☺️
I love your videos Lisa. You are amazing. Thank you for helping me on my journey. I am finally loving myself and I noticed things changing in my life for the better. I am attracting better people in my life. I am so grateful for that.
Thank you. Needed to hear that. I've been on a rough path the last few weeks...healing my wounds. Been feeling more emotions than I think I can bear. Your words will help me carry on
This is exactly where I am. You explained everything! It is such hard work getting in alignment. I kept backsliding. This info will nudge me further down the path. It is so slow. I need self care.
Hi Lisa..I just posted my first video ever on Spiritual Awakening because I had no idea 💡 what else to do with this experience..you’re spot on about not being seen and our soul screaming at us..I’m here and I matter
I ran away from them all two years ago. I couldn't be around people anymore who called my truth a lie. I'm rebuilding now. Love you Lisa. Thanks for being with me through this last two years.
I just spent almost 3 weeks on a "me time" binge doing what I thought was self discovery. It came on without warning and I just went into hermit mode, unplanned, not even knowing why until I started listening to you and other vids like yours although yours touches my truth more than all the rest. I grew up with an older brother who is a narcissist and then married a girl who is a covert narcissist. I'm divorced 7 years now and the only thing that I can think has triggered all this coping is the fact that I have to face her and her family at my youngest son's wedding. I'm afraid, that is the simple truth, so I gobble up all I can on how to be true to myself and continue healing. I do have my dream, my preferred path. What is complicating things is I got involved with someone way to soon after my divorce and it really isn't a good fit. I just needed someone to act like they loved me. She is a good person but wants a very different life than me and I find myself living for someone else's happiness and not my own. I am on the right path in my mind but not in my reality, I will get there, thanks Lisa for helping me.
This was such a useful and truthful video! Spiritual awakenings are hard, not easy as many people say they are all unicorns and stars... Thanks you so much!!
All of these videos are really helping me and have answered questions that I’ve had for a long long time. Around this time last year, I was experiencing exactly what you described here. Compared to last year, I’m in a much better place (80% out of 100%). Your videos are really helping me through my recovery! Thank you ♥️
This explains SO much! I began my awakening about 3 years ago, and I feel like I’ve had no energy. And I’ve been so hard on myself because I want to heal and I’m trying to heal but I just feel like I have no energy to get it done! And then I remind myself that all the stuff I’m doing...reading books, watching videos like yours, listening to podcasts, meditating, etc, etc, etc, IS the work I need to be doing. And I AM getting better. I’m nowhere near the person I was 3 years ago. I just don’t have energy for all the other stuff. What keeps me going is seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s seeing the LIGHT within me and knowing I’m a good person with positive things to contribute to this World.
I have been alone for several years. I have 3 friends. I found a counselor. I keep busy with hobbies, walk in nature. Sit in the park. I have a photo of me at age four. I just sit with her, talk to her and take care of that perfect, kind, sweet lil' girl. She needs me more than anyone. Thank you Lisa, thank you everyone for your story. Everyone deserves to be loved.
Thanks so much Lisa, you have helped me to gain the confidence to trust who I am & that I don’t have to give my power away to anyone. My life has changed at work, home & even while shopping. No contact with my toxic parents was also the best thing I ever did 2 years ago & I now have a fabulous relationship with my Aunty’s, Uncle’s & Cousins. My children now know who to trust & who not too. ♥️♥️♥️
I spent so much time and energy solving everyone else’s problems I wore myself out every way imaginable. I found myself sharing my story with anybody that would listen. They would look uninterested and I would walk away feeling ashamed of myself. I wanted to get to a point of not seeking validation, So I cocooned myself. I felt depressed and misunderstood. I pushed practically everybody away. I even changed my phone number. The new me needed a new number. I realized I have not loved myself. I really don’t know what I like to do anymore so I decided to honor how my body feels and rest my tired body as a form of self love. Now I need to take baby steps allowing myself to live again. Rebuilding my life one day at a time. Love ❤️ you Lisa.
Thank you Lisa, this video speaks to the sorrow and grief following recognition. I hadn't thought that resonating with these emotion would bring more of same. POP. Thank you again.
Hey Lisa. I am very thankful that the Universal Intelligence brought you into my life. I am learning a lot with you about myself, my history, my family... One day at the time slowly, I get to see my wounds and I am sure I am being able to heal my pass. Love you!!!! Namaste my dear one!!!💕
You articulate the healing of self-experience well. This is one of the best videos I have watched on healing childhood trauma and finding joy in adulthood.
This is literally brilliant! 🌞💡🌅 Thank you for the way you express what you have learned. These videos are helping so much... for the past 3 days I have been experiencing an "unnamed deep sadness" that I couldn't quite put my finger on, as you say, and this occurred at the same time each day, as I was travelling between work & home. 😥 Listening to the first part of this video, where you describe a particular state of being, made me burst into tears! Which is a time honored sign that some truth has just been spoken 🤓😁🤗 Thank you, this sets me on a better path than the one of an hour ago. Keep up the reaching out, it's very, very good! 💝💕💖
I am just in the process of changes the messages and my responses.... omg I have had to grieve sooo much! 3 years this has taken me of identifying everything and integrating. I am still a work in progress.... but I know the mirror is changing as so many lovely people are entering into my life (something I would always push away due to lack of my I) wohaaaa it’s amazing xx you do a fantastic job! ❤️ and I too am going to share my knowledge when I reach a place i feel ready to do so ☺️
Wow. I found myself finishing your sentences before you said them. You get it. Somebody actually gets it.... I'm just sitting with the shock of someone actually understanding, and my not being totally and utterly alone in the world. Thank you Lisa.
You have been such a blessing in my like truly a angel. I been in mutlipe abusive relationships and i felt so alone and no one will ever want me sp damaged just broken i want to take your break through 12 week course is there reading material i could receive to get started on my healing journey i am tired of being sick and broken tired of settling for less then i deserve
Lisa sincere thank you for all the videos. A lot of them resonate with me big time, but this one feels like one that can really make a difference with me. I heard another youtuber saying that all this past events that impacted us negatively are like anchors and well, it's the truth. I kinda feel anchored in way I don't like. There has been loss left and right in my life, unwanted, but mostly probably because I haven't felt the early childhood losses and come to terms with them. It kinda helps to realease resentment and anger towards people from the current reality, as it is all but a hologram as you'd say.
Lisa this is great .i had been praying to have that protective thing that kept all of my feelings protected I wanted it removed. I felt as if the protective measure wasn’t working anymore . It was made when I was a kid and it may have worked then but it can’t be along term measure . That feeling you get when you are gaslighted . You described it perfectly . That is the way my defense mechanism would work : it would make me feel like I was in a tunnel being disconnected from the world . Like a tunnel in space . That isn’t helpful for me anymore I am not a child anymore and I must have new ways of dealing with things . It was so ingrained in me and I actually felt the release the opening I felt this rush of anxiety panic and fear and it went right To the top of my head . For a while I felt s lot of panic attacks but is is getting better much better I wouldn’t for the world want that hazzy disoconnected feeling back . Sometimes I get that flat feeling that you spoke of but that is ok it doesn’t last all day or anything . Thanks again still on the journey ...
You dear intelligent, kind and sensitive soul, I'm right there and the vid is on spot, Lord it's helped me tons !!!! Bless your soul, thanks for sharing, very welcomed help, much love !!!!!!!!!!!
Wow wow wow. No one talks about these things. Yes,, I noticed this myself. I get really tired when I bring up something big up to consciousness. It takes sooo much energy. Often I feel guilty about not being useful during these times. But what choice do I have? I find spiritual work is not for the faint of heart. But freedom comes along with it. Namaste. Love right back at you.
Thank you for your eloquent & articulate teaching, Lisa. This is EXACTLY what I am fully submerged in currently, along with learning to navigate a lifetime of unrecognized spiritual intuitive abilities. This video was a tremendous validation & allowed me to feel not so alone or misunderstood. Big mountain....thanks for the baggage check!
You have put words to my feelings.. you have given them wings to fly and flee my heart .. I wish everybody around me feel what I feel and understand my experience so that they stop judging and pushing me to forget the past .. May Allah bless ,protect ,and guide you to his true path.. as you deserve the best .. Greetings from Syria
Thank you so much! My mother did this to me even I was 45 years old! In addition the rest of the family and more! Be blessed! In your case, it was kind of a blessing, because you are helping many people, unfortuntely they sre still mostly women beeing abused!
Lisa!!! Your helping me get so clear!!! Now..thanks to you sharing your knowledge with us...I'm starting to finally begin to figure out what the hell went wrong growing up!!!!!!!!!!!! No one explains this like you do Lisa...thank you so much!!!
This video is one that really hits home. In my case, the Wife was cheating on me, and I used Pot and Alcohol to numb that pain. She was also screaming and accusing me of the very things she was doing. Of course she had Narcissistic Personality Disorder and I wouldn't realize that until nearly 25 years after our divorce. Back when I was still married , I wanted to fix my marriage and save my family, because I was concerned with how my two daughters would survive a divorce. I actually thought that if I could just make enough money, my wife at the time, would love me again and I would save our family from being split up. On some level, I realized I was repeating my Fathers and Mothers marriage where they had stayed married to protect me and my sister from a divorce. Eventually when I got into AA and Recovery, I found the courage and the support to get divorced. It has taken me years to understand all of this and admit it all to myself. There is plenty of blame to go around if a person wants to look at life that way. I prefer to see our defects and faulty thinking as part of the Alcohol Dependence Disorder or the disease of Alcoholism in layman terms. Looking at all of it as a disease or disorder, relieves me and others of Blame and Shame. We are still accountable. It even can give me compassion for the unaware Narcissist that my former wife was and still is. I don't want to be around her, but I don't have to hate her either. The Narcissist shell of delusion, is about the hardest Mental health disorders to break through. When married to her, my former wife used to say she was perfect. That delusion is so ingrained, because in her life she is an outwardly successful Nurse married to a Doctor now. But she has injured people in her blindness and her Narcissistic cruelty.
Really needed to hear this! I had been no contact for almost 8 years from my narcissistic father when a couple of weeks ago he sends me this letter telling me he is going to sue me for mental anguish, hopes I have a nervous breakdown and that he would spread lies on Facebook and Twitter so that I would be the most hated person in my city for not speaking to him. Felt like in an instant all of the self healing I have tried to do over these years just went by the waste side. I want to say I didn’t respond to him ( I have learned you never want to engage with a narcissist because that’s what they feed off of- manipulation, threatening, and just plain foolishness).....I just get tired of feeling like I have to constantly be my own cheerleader and motivator and it just gets too much some times. But this channel has helped me through so much. Just having a moment- now I don’t feel bad for having those moments. ❤️
This made me cry. It is where I have been stuck in my healing. I have been acknowledging it. But now what? I am very grateful today though. Getting ready to open my second and third Airbnb so I can focus on this issue.
jesus you say things at the time i need them to the point it's almost scary but that's why you're out here healing. this is intense man and i needed it. thank you.
Yes,I going through this now and I feel a little bit stuck.. I have awakened yes,and my mood is sometimes as small waves at sea. Not rollecoast with anger,its gone 🤗👍. All you say Lisa is so excactly correct,I have retreated to places some time for to contemplate and fugurate. Glad I have my little job I can go to,low budget job -streetmagazine. It help for my selfconfidence,I can make it and stand on my own feet. But I must also find a way for to move forward and back to LIFE with my scars and wounds🤗💛. Its waiting for me,the old life is gone and the new is awaiting for me🤗. Namaste and thanks dear Lisa💑!
