my mother overprotected, isolated me, (no contact with other children until 7j, later, nobody was good enough for her, getting breast meant really isolation. NO boys, never go into the front garden in summer,...), she had problems with all the people in the street, 'low folks' (altough she started working at 14 an never read a book or paper, was very limited intellectually... I was her 'genius' doll (sleeping with curlers,...). At school only being the best was good (and I was...luckily?) and only if the rest had seriously lower grades.... My father saw and did nothing. Now I am a MD and have CPTSD and debilitating anxiety and can't work sinds 9y I am 55 now), probably for the rest of,... Luckely I have my brains and a very sweet, good psychiater. Sinds a child I lived in my head, now in books (I am a real nerd), my big plants, my extra safe, rented flat... sometimes a cours at the university, lectures. But I never understood how kids, people can play, talk for hours about 'nothing'= socializing. But they say I am kind, helpful, truly interested but it is just that even after 10 min of contact I get anxious, just by contact with others. Luckely my antidepressant takes the scharpness away, and in need (only then ) I have my Valium (prescribed NOT myself as a MD but by my psychiater, low dose, that I can adjust to the situation. For instance, breaking down of my cell phone, laptop, stupid thing often I really panick, because I have to go out and deal with salespeople,....Or people who are just so, too nice... Crazy. But overall I manage well (my braines never left me) and somehow I am happy with my nerdy books, movies nobody watches,...and people can always ask me to do something for them, but don't get to close!!! Oh, and I take care of my demented, racist, egotistical, very toxic, narcistic mother (sinds a few months in a home), because , hey that is just me... I can't see anyone in pain or in panick, even if they hurted me sooooo much, even now (not so much anymore now!). Because I know what it is the have fear, really fear as a todler even, because of the acting and words of my mother. SIGH, I thinck I am nuts (silent laugh)
