Squire | Bottom 5 Tanks | The Tank Museum 

lol.

was thinking the same thing

A pipe is knowledge, not enough pipe smokers nowadays.

He plays a lot of war thunder he know a good bit about some of these tanks

@@joshuambodie9410 true tho, just find it funny he acts like that

Was about to say this

Literally if you remove the tangents that aren’t related to the subject in his videos they’d be half as long

@@mr.tropical7116 but the tangents are what make them entertaining. Everyone can say a fact, only lazerpig can talk about the 1924 railway act on a video about why the crusader is not as bad as you think

@@younoobskiller well yeah you have a point but I’d rather hear a somewhat entertaining fact about the mark iv tank than a rant about how living in the trenches is similar to passing out drunk and suffering from a hang over.

@@mr.tropical7116 IT FEELS LIKE DEATH DEATH HAS COME

@John Thomas break you duck?

@John Thomas - You should work in a movie theater, you're so good at projection

@@Red_Beard2798 lmao that's a good one, I'm stealing it

@@Red_Beard2798 oooof

@@Red_Beard2798 lmao he got silenced

what do you mean, they look sicc

@@adwai1h653 Sick, indeed, as if they had a disease or mortal condition. So sick, they could require medical intervention and isolation.

Nuts`n Bolt trousers

More than 40 years ago, in California, the US husband of our relative that had moved there from Germany wore such trousers. "Yes, they are horrible, european clothing is way more elegant, but my customers (he sold valves to farmers for their irrigation systems) require that I wear such clothing. With european clothes I would be an untrustworthy outsider".

Looks like he stuffed a rolled up sock in there...unless...

the chaps and i*

@@user-hu3fb7xc8e i know but the change to the "propah bri'ish" language version posh, so to speak.

@@onlyrushb6428 Ya true that

I imagine there 2 are both Virgins pal

That's why Bill wasn't in that bit, because he'd tower over the tank.

Ya, me too. That turret really is tiny AF, ive heard and seen a ton of people say it was tiny and sucked but you can really see it here. Nearly anything looks tiny with "the Cheiftan" standing near.

I too was quite surprised about the T-34’s small size. In fact, I thought it was some sort of mock-up, scaled down to a kid-friendly size. The Soviet Cold War tanks were also small, substantially smaller than Western tanks, I think around 80% of weight. I’d read about the size difference, but I never really understood it until I saw a photo of an American M60 next to a T-55 (or a T-6x). The M60 looked huge, looming over the Soviet vehicle. They looked like they had completely different purposes, rather than both being main battle tanks! I have never come across the photo again, sadly.

@@gerardlabelle9626 especially when imagining the gun, its in that tiny t34 turret!! Then the main guns in the later tanks you mentioned, ya no room!😳😉💯

@@mongoose4117I think the crew’s efficiency must have suffered when buttoned up for a while. How much could they have spread their limbs, jammed in so tight?

*slaps tank* boy, can this baby ever hold onto its crew while it's on fire

That moment was comedy gold.

Funny, but the reality is that the a far more reliable engine than the British one. Just saying.

he forgot to mention it had 4 reverse gears and one forward gear

Fix It Again Tony

​@@alt7488 it's not a French motor

The second she saw them. She started calling in for backup xDDD

This

Laserpig was hardly the first...

@@TheChieftainsHatch Ah! But was he the first outrageously drunk barnyard animal from the North of England to do so? Checkmate.* *Please prove me wrong by finding a military enthusiast chicken or something.

@@TrollOfReason I must admit that he was, and that cannot be competed with

@@TheChieftainsHatch It is true that he was not the first, but it is difficult to repel the impression that the specific arguments used by squire in the film are very similar or even identically presented as in LazerPig video. Anyway i don't consider the t34 a good tank after seeing the attempts to leave it by hatch in your video : P

The M-4 and Pzkpfw. III / IV were far inferior to the T-34 . Just due to their ideology they rant the T-34

I actually looked him up after his top 5 tanks video ages ago and have been watching him since. Weirdest thing that ever happened to me was at Tankfest 2019 I was there and as we were leaving I looked out in the crowd and saw him it was actually surreal I had to do a reality check after that. It's strange that event was the only time I've ever seen a youtuber in public.

@@nesyboi9421 I was at 2019's as well! They had a meet'n'greet going as well, it was the Squire, The Chieftain and IronArmenian. All were wonderful to meet.

@@FireWarrior2013 I only met Iron I was walking out when I saw squire in the crowd lol

Yup

It's kind of sad some of the comments

It’s not mate, they are muppets

I’m British and I ‘get it’ I just don’t find it very funny… perhaps I’m too old!

@@flapsmcginty4039 I’m British and in my late teens and I don’t find him that funny in this however I quite enjoy his channel videos perhaps this one isn’t as entertaining because they were asked to do this and didn’t have as much time to come up with some better jokes as a result

They could do the remake of 'Bottom', or 'The Young Ones'.

@@eddiecobbett4084 why, they’ll never be better than the originals!

Who doesn't love a good overdubbed Sean Connery impression?

Lindy beige meets Gary Numan

Good, I was not the only one that got reminded of Lindybeige. ;D

@@terraflow__bryanburdo4547 Of course - well reminded - listening now to Numan's 'b' side to his biggest hit, "Tanks" - later followed by "Our friends hybrid-electric", ^oo^

Now that would certainly be a collaboration!!

Go watch the LazerPig video he lifted the talking points from, its that but an hour long and with a drunk pig.

@@HumphreyHorsehead I really hope you're getting paid to do promotion. LazerPig has the same sources as everyone else. Squire doesn't need to lift from anyone, he's got Tank Museum people right there to advise. They probably have a lot of the docs Pig referred to anyway.

@@HumphreyHorsehead The tank is 80 years old champ. I’m pretty sure all of this was well known about the tank before lazerpig did a video on it.

This video was very much like lazer pig’s and probably a deliberate send you of it due it’s somewhat revisionist (albeit not entirely unjustified) take on the T34. Basically I think squire was engaging in some satire

@@xmlthegreat The way he touches on the points, the order in which he brings them up and the way he words them is almost a 1:1 dead ringer for LazerPig's video.. just excised down for brevity.

DW wasn't overly complimentary about the Caro Veloce.

nobody really wanted to pay for an all mechanized division, so many of the interwar stuff was half measures, either the US's mechanized horses, or the german panzer 1's, or these tanklets, it made you look impressive without spending an impressive amount. its only after hitler was blitzing across europe and africa showing off the few mechanized divisions they had that everybody got serious, except for the italians, they never got serious

Well problem was, those tankettes is that they were created to solve a WWI problem and that was the problem, they werent designed to fight other tanks as much to act as mobile machinegun nests holding breaches in the trench lines until the infantry arrived. Japan used a lot of then but then again, they were used in China mostly and would not be particular in danger, the Pacific didnt lend itself to armored warfare so a very light tank armed with anti-infantry was a good match ... but since we talking about Japan here they were used in Khalkhin Gol against anti-tank weapons with the expected results.

The T-34s reputation is mostly based on two things: Early encounters by German infantry armed mostly with 3.7cm AT guns and German tanks armed with a mix of high-velocity 3.7cm and medium-velocity 5cm guns. How their large numbers resulted in there always being T-34s to continue overrunning German positions in the late war. (The video bumps up against one of the best tank related "the common wisdom is wrong" bits: T-34s and Shermans did end up taking each other on in Korea and, contrary to the stock 'the Sherman sucked and the T-34 was great' idea, the T-34s had their asses kicked.)

Yea but British cordite was made of nitro cellulose and nitroglycerin, nitro cellulose is called gun cotton and it's a fine low explosive to use as a primary

Yes. I clicked faster than Chic and Hen was cancelled.

FAST AS THE WIND THE INVASION HAS BEGUN

@@dougstubbs9637 but not as fast as the 21st Army Group breakout?

@@dougstubbs9637 but not as fast as the 21st Army Group breakout?

Clicked faster than the Japanese could commit a war crime

It wasn't incredibly well designed, since they cut so many corners in design and practicality for the crew that it severely diminished the tank. It had massive shot traps all around the turret, the suspension was very bumpy, the tank could not shoot after stopping, since it bounced back and forth, the crew needed some time for the tank to stabilize, wasting valuable seconds. The transmission gearbox broke down very often, or got stuck in one gear, the fuel tank was inside the crew compartment, so any hits to it would be devastating. The hot spent shell casings were landing on the floor and the crew stepped and tripped on them, the optics were bad, etc. But all that didn't matter, because there were so many of them. They actually did design the T-34M, which fixed many of the problems. But they could not convert the production lines to start building the T-34M, because they needed to keep the production of the T-34 going, as they were losing so many tanks so fast.

And a lot of the production defects are thanks to one of the many Soviet tractor factories deciding to see how quickly they could throw the thing together.. some even had polished metal for mirrors in their periscopes, while others didn't have one at all

@@TheArtilleryman makes the term ' made by lowest bidder' to be an understatement

They had to to get them out fast enough. The Red Army lost 20,000 tanks in 1941, and they had to overhaul the German numerical advantage to be able to fight back on such a vast length of front. They planned for heavy attrition, more than anyone else planned for the attrition which happened, which meant needing to get monthly output up at all costs to replace losses and grow the force.

Well, when Comrade Stalin demands huge numbers of tanks RIGHT NOW…we’re gonna have to make this a rush job.

Honestly, the T-34 deserves some hate, it was a pretty bad tank

@@Eire_Aontaithe Hate? Why would any tank deserve hate?

@@OltsuSuomesta Because it was bad ? Because it was death trap for the crew ?

@@Eire_Aontaithe Ya I agree. I never understood how bad the T34 was untill I saw lazerpig's video on it. I knew there where short cuts, but it never clicked to me how many there where.

@UCrKQFYzmDg5yLznOMGrg1pw winning doesnt make it good. The Sherman also won and was better in every way except the gun was marginally worse. For example, the survival rate for the crew when a Sherman got hit was 80%, on a T-34 it was 15% on a good day.

With Bill there, surely more like The Goodies? Bill as Tim Brooke-Taylor, Lindybeige as Graeme Garden, Squire as Bill Oddie? "Do do do the funky Sherman"

Have you heard of LazerPig?

@@HumphreyHorsehead yes we've all seen that video

@@HumphreyHorsehead i have now!

@@HumphreyHorsehead That video is terrible.

@@Kyle-gw6qp Good counterpoint

It's so great that when I look at it I go, "Yup. That's a tank alright. Good when things look so much like what they are. Tank, in this case."

Squire has a RU-vid channel. I recommend his videos "When Tanks Don't Die", "A Steaming Pile of Ship", and "If Fury was a British Film". These are among his best.

"Seem British" - Understatement of the year

Encredible what mirrors can do

It would be fun to have a compilation of 'can both Chieftan and Bill fit in this tank at the same time?'. For the Caro Veloce, I'm not sure either of them would fit solo. Maybe Bill, as he's younger and more flexible, provided he's had some expert yoga instruction beforehand.

I've had it, not pleasant!

None specific urethritis.... a shot of Pen V used to do the trick.....

The Germans found a few of them and added cupolas, radios and balkenkreuze. Neato!

Quite a few of those will be the same tanks I expect, knocked out once, welded up and put back into action

@@zxbzxbzxb1 After hosing the blood and guts from the inside.

@@terraflow__bryanburdo4547 Yes, people can get hurt in wars 🙁

They didn't have any choice but to be 'brave'.

I can’t think what part of this video made you think of lazer pig 🤣

@@somethingelse516 T-34 rant lol

@@nesyboi9421 I was being sarcastic lol

They did a Top 5 Tanks a few years back.

@@whatsoperadoc7050 I think that was around Tankfest, when I ended up next to him at the burger bunker, handing him the ketchup. Heard that wonderful voice say "hey chap, would you be so kind to hand me the bottle after you're done?" and was like WAIT A SECOND xD

@@HistoryGameV Did you reply "yeeeees" in *that* voice?

@@EmyrDerfel Sadly didn't have the mental quickness to do that. Just said "sure" and looked for a moment, then asked him if he was Squire. He said yes and shook my hand. xD That weekend was crazy anyway since I went there with Military History Visualized, Military Aviation History and the Chieftain...and met TIK and Lindybeige. All just sitting together with ME at a table and talking. Crazy day.^^

Or Squire in those trousers - just as hard to get out of one, I bet.

@@wbertie2604 LOL!

The Red Army won so they likely blew up fewer tanks late in the war

@@mbr5742 Germany lost WWII almost at the beginning. But definitely lost in the second they declared war on the USA. The only person who was sane enough to know that a war against the economic power of the USA is (at that time) futile was Yamamoto. Germans were absolutely short sighted. Their military was poorly motorized, and because of a good reason: even at the start of Operation Barbarossa they already suffered fuel shortage. The whole plan was based a bunch of circumstancial conditions to succeed. The only chance to occupy Moscow was that the russians make absoluty no resistance, just run away constantly. In reality right after the first week the Red Army made the germans pay for all kilometers a huge cost. And the T-34 was a tank designed and built for being destroyed in huge numbers. They expected to lose at least 95% of all the pieces made. This is the main reason why most of them were built "poorly". Meanwhile the Tiger supposedly built to last. In reality the opposite happened. The only thing the russians should do was to build more T-34s the the germans destroy. They fulfilled this big time. If you count strictly the tanks only (no SPG, SPAAG, StuG, etc) the germans built fewer tanks in the whole WWII then the russians in 1944-45 only counting the T-34-85. The russians built almost as many heavy tanks then the germans Pz IVs. If you want to count mid to endwar vehicles, every 2 Panther have to face an IS-2 in the other side. (In reality the rate is even worse. For the 6557 Panther there were 3854 IS-2.) If you know anything from the late war tank battles, you should know that the Red Army always lose 2-3x the amount of tanks than the german forces. In the Battle of Debrecen the germans lost ~200 tanks (and 490 guns, practically the whole inventory of the germans in the area) compared to the ~500 tanks (and 1,656 guns) lost by the russians. And that battle was a decisive russian strategic victory. And the best in the whole: the Red Army started the whole Debrecen-Nagyvárad offensive without a pause after the taking of the Karpathian passes. The russians don't really cared about tank losses, because they could lose them. No big deal, there were more to come. I really don't understand why so many people try to defend the german vehicles, even if those had glaring design and manufacturing issues. There's always at least one excuse to those. The "unbeatable Tiger" was so unbeatable that only a few left to told a story. They were beaten, hard. Even in the Western Front, where no real heavy tanks were to challenge them.

T34: Number of bruises every crew memeber gets per kilometer.

Wehraboo

yeah!!.. oh.. that was my comment..

@@efreitorsroul9332it was…yes…

Either way, he could easily kick himself in the pants for not being around when 'The Young Ones' were casting.

If you live in a UK terraced house, the Caro Veloce would be perfect.

@@wbertie2604 But why would you want that hunkajunk the tank one places on ones front lawn says a lot about a man... just get a centurion and plonk her down in the front lawn hell of a statement if nothing else xD

@@ogscarl3t375 me? God no. M29 Weasel for me, please. Tracked, great in snow, floats, cheaper to run than a BMP. BMP has more luggage space, though.

Only the 76mm. The 85 was the cat's meow. (Or is that a Panther?)

The Germans didn't think it was rubbish

@@zxbzxbzxb1 yes they thought it was more than rubbish

Tank being adequate for its combat role and tank being NOT the one you'd like to be in if you had a choise are properties that can overlap.